Apart from personality traits, people also tend to develop habitual modes and methods of managing stress and coping with upsetting emotions. By and large, these habitual methods do help people to manage and defuse stressful situations they find themselves in, but they are not all equally efficient at this task. Some work better than others. While some really do succeed in helping people to manage upsetting emotion, the lesser quality methods generally end up causing more problems than they solve.

Perhaps not surprisingly, there is a relationship between people's emotional maturity and the sort of coping methods they prefer. Less emotionally mature people tend to prefer rather primitive and often inefficient coping methods , while more mature folks lean towards more sophisticated and more useful methods. The less mature methods also tend to have in common that their use is not premeditated or conscious in nature, but rather fairly reactive, not well thought out, and unconscious. As coping methods increase in maturity and sophistication, they become correspondingly more deliberate and conscious in nature, and also tend to be used more proactively, rather than simply reactively.

The study of coping methods has a long history. The topic was originally described by psychodynamic psychotherapists (including Dr. Freud) who called them defense mechanisms. The defense mechanism literature was largely focused on mental illness and the ways that various primitive mechanisms served largely to maintain serious illness rather than help reduce it. Later, more cognitively oriented researchers began a separate study of coping that focused more on mental health, and ways that mature coping methods could be taught to enhance health. Though some authors suggest that the term defense mechanisms should be reserved for describing primitive, immature coping strategies, and the term "coping methods" for more mature, useful coping efforts, it doesn't really matter what label is used to describe the different coping methods from our perspective; they are all just people's attempts at coping.

The most primitive of the defense mechanisms are considered to be primitive because they fundamentally rely on blatant misrepresentation or outright ignoring of reality in order to function. These mechanisms flourish in situations (and minds) where emotion trumps reason and impulsivity rules the day. Children use them naturally and normally, but then again, children are by definition emotionally immature and not held to a higher standard as are adults. When adults use these methods on a regular basis, it is an indication that their emotional development is at some level delayed.

Denial; an outright refusal or inability to accept some aspect of reality that is troubling. For example: "this thing has not happened" when it actually has.

Splitting; a person cannot stand the thought that someone might have both good and bad aspects, so they polarize their view of that person as someone who is "all good" or "all bad". Any evidence to the contrary is ignored. For example: "My boss is evil", after being let go from work, when in reality, the boss had no choice in the matter and was acting under orders herself. Splitting functions by way of Dissociation, which is an ability people have in varying amounts to be able to wall off certain experiences and not think about them.

Projection; a person's thought or emotion about another person, place or thing is too troubling to admit, and so, that thought or emotion is attributed to originate from that other person, place or thing. For example: "He hates me", when it is actually the speaker who hates. A variation on the theme of Projection is known as "Externalization". In Externalization, you blame others for your problems rather than owning up to any role you may play in causing them.

Passive-aggression; A thought or feeling is not acceptable enough to a person to be allowed direct expression. Instead, that person behaves in an indirect manner that expresses the thought or emotion. For example: Failing to wash your hands before cooking when you normally would, and happen to be cooking for someone you don't like.

Acting out; an inability to be thoughtful about an impulse. The impulse is expressed directly without any reflection or consideration as to whether it is a good idea to do so. For example: a person attacks another person in a fit of anger without stopping to consider that this could seriously wound or disfigure that other person and/or possibly result in legal problems.

Fantasy; engaging in daydreams about how things should be, rather than doing anything about how things are. For example: Daydreaming of killing a bully, instead of taking concrete action to stop the bully from bothering you.

An intermediate level of defense mechanisms (the "neurotic" mechanisms) are defined by a more ambivalent relationship with reality. Reality is recognized here to a larger extent, even if it is put off or avoided. Displacement; An unacceptable feeling or thought about a person, place or thing is

redirected towards a safer target. For example, it may feel unsafe to admit anger towards a parent, but it is perfectly safe to criticize the neighborhood he or she lives in.

Isolation/Intellectualization; Overwhelming feelings or thoughts about an event are handled by isolating their meaning from the feelings accompanying the meaning, and focusing on the meaning in isolation. For example, you cope with the recent death of a parent by reading about the grieving process.

Repression; A milder form of denial; You manage uncomfortable feelings and thoughts by avoiding thinking about them. You are able to admit that you feel a certain way (unlike in denial), but you can't think of what might have led up to that feeling, and don't really want to think about it anyway.

Reaction Formation; You react to uncomfortable, unacceptable feelings or ideas that you have (but aren't quite conscious of really), by forming the opposite opinion. For example; you unconsciously hate your parent, but your experience is to the contrary; you are only aware of loving feelings for your parent.

To this historical list of intermediate, "neurotic" mechanisms, we can add a few modern ones as well:

Rationalization; where you choose to do something on emotional grounds (because it feels good) but you don't want to admit that, so you make up reasons after the fact to justify your choice.

Workaholism; where you avoid dealing with problems by burying yourself in work. Workaholism could be considered a form of Distraction (see below), but distraction is something you choose to do, and many workaholics don't perceive their devotion to the office as a choice so much as a duty.

The Mature defenses are defined by a healthy and conscious relationship with reality. Reality is accepted even when it is not appreciated. Uncomfortable feelings and thoughts are deliberately transformed into less threatening forms rather than being pushed aside. People decide and choose to cope using mature defense mechanisms; they don't just occur spontaneously.

Suppression is a conscious form of repression. You choose to not engage or talk about distressing feelings or thoughts. You are aware of them and not intimidated by them overly, but just decide to put off dealing with them for a while. For example: "I'm mad at my mom, but it won't help to tell her that at this family party. I'll save this revelation for a time when we can speak about it privately".

Sublimation; Uncomfortable feelings and thoughts are transformed when a person chooses to take the energy behind these feelings and thoughts and put it towards a different, constructive purpose. For example: "I'm mad at my father, but instead of yelling at him (which won't help things), I'm going to get out my paints and paint a picture." "I'm worried about dying of cancer, so I'm going to start making sure I eat lots of vegetables every day so I minimize my chances of actually dying of cancer".

Altruism; Another means of transforming uncomfortable feelings and thoughts, this time by helping others suffering from similar feelings and thoughts who are less far along in dealing with them than myself. "I'm a recovering alcoholic and every day is a small struggle to remain sober. I help myself stay in control by being a sponsor for other Alcoholics who are less stable in their sobriety than myself".

Distraction; A means of consciously deciding to put off thinking or feeling distressing thoughts or feelings by temporarily focusing your attention towards something less threatening. For example, "I can't sleep for worry about whether the tests will show I have an illness. I'll turn on the TV for a while so that I can get my mind off of this this negative track".

There are many other forms of mature coping besides these few examples. Any conscious efforts that a person takes towards making sure their basic needs for food, shelter, safety and belonging are fulfilled can be considered mature coping, for instance, as can any significant self-help effort you decide to take on. Using self-soothing exercises is mature coping, as is working a cognitive restructuring exercise If you choose it so as to better yourself, and it is a healthy thing for you to do, it is mature coping.

There are many other forms of mature coping besides these few examples. Any conscious efforts that a person takes towards making sure their basic needs for food, shelter, safety and belonging are fulfilled can be considered mature coping, for instance, as can any significant self-help effort you decide to take on. Using self-soothing exercises is mature coping, as is working a cognitive restructuring exercise If you choose it so as to better yourself, and it is a healthy thing for you to do, it is mature coping.

As should be clear by now, not all coping is healthy coping. When people engage in more primitive, immature defense mechanisms, they tend to do so impulsively and unconsciously, without regard for consequences. By trying to help themselves in this manner, they frequently end up making their situation worse (e.g., by alienating friends and family, picking fights, getting into trouble with the law, etc.).

Take some time to figure out what defense mechanisms and coping strategies you use habitually. If you note that you tend to just react to problems and end up using defense mechanisms that make your life more difficult rather than easier, then see if you can't consciously get yourself to use sublimation, or humor, or some other proactive strategy as a means of coping with your pain instead.

Keep in mind that it is especially hard for people who use the more primitive defenses to become aware that they do use these defenses because the defenses are unconscious and thus invisible. Other people will know that you use them, but you yourself may not know. It is therefore a good idea to involve a trusted friend, therapist or confidant in your figuring-out process (someone who knows you and will not lie to you). Ask that person if they think you use any of these defense mechanisms, and take it seriously if they believe you do.

The process of looking at how you may or may not use defense mechanisms can be helped along by asking yourself questions to get yourself thinking about whether you use any of the defense mechanisms. Your answers to the questions can help you to see when and where you might, in fact, use them.

Are you able to know when you are upset, or do you tend to hide it from yourself? How do you cope with being upset? Do you try to get to the bottom of the problem, or are

you more someone who tries to minimize things or leave them to deal with for later. Are you generally clear on your feelings or do you just know that you're upset sometimes.

Do you play any role in creating your own problems, or are your problems caused by other people?

Do you avoid dealing with problems when they arise? If so - do you avoid in a healthy way, or do you just try to numb yourself and put off dealing indefinitely instead?

Are you able to appreciate the "shades of gray" in life (e.g., that people can be both good and bad at the same time, that it is okay to be imperfect) or are you a more "black and white" sort of person (e.g., a perfectionist, a victim, etc.)

Primitive, immature defense mechanisms help maintain problems, rather than solve them.

You will need to become free of, or at least aware of your use of primitive defense mechanisms if you are ever going to be able to sustain your attention on a self-help program that will help you overcome your problems. Your decision to pursue a path of mental health self-help means that you are assigning yourself responsibility for recognizing when you use or act out these defense mechanisms, and for choosing to stop their use in favor of more direct and healthy ways of dealing with your issues. It is frankly quite difficult to recognize when you are using defense mechanisms without the aide of an objective therapist or confidant who can provide you with feedback. However, your decisions to pay attention to when you evade and avoid your issues, to face those issues more honestly and directly, and to commit yourself to getting back on track with your self-help efforts whenever you catch yourself making excuses, makes it more likely that you will ultimately succeed.