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Meribaal

A Story of Scattered Shame

by F. Remy Diederich

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I decided to leave the ministry in 1990. Not forever--I just needed some time to gain

perspective. Fellow ministers were burning out and dropping likes flies, and I did not want

to become just another statistic.

Rather than simply take time off, however, my wife and I decided to try something radical. Tired

of the hypocritical, superficial Christianity we had seen in the church, we decided to live in

community with two other Christian families. Our goal was to "love one another" as we daily

lived out the Christian life on an idyllic Wisconsin dairy farm.

Before long, however, one of the families moved away, and with

them their manpower and financial support. Never having farmed

before, I suddenly found myself in constant crisis mode. Equipment

broke, animals died, exhaustion set in, and I barely had time to spend

with my own family, let alone anyone else. Church was something

we did on Sunday--but only if nothing broke or died first. Rather than

"loving one another," our partners seemed more like enemies than

friends. To top it all off, my wife felt I had emotionally abandoned

her (which I had) and I became short-tempered with my three

children.

One of the things I learned on the farm was that I wasn’t as smart as I

thought I was. If I had to grade myself in life before going to the

farm, I’d have given myself a B+. I thought that I did most things well, not great, but pretty

well. And I felt good about that. But after living on the farm for a few years, my grade had

slipped to a solid D.

As I went from person to person or task to task on the farm, there wasn’t too much that I did

right. I felt like a complete and utter failure. I had never felt like a failure before. Sure, I had

failed in specific areas. But this feeling was more pervasive. I realized that I wasn’t giving my

wife the emotional support she needed, I saw that I could be harsh with my children, I wasn’t

being the friend to my farm partners like I wanted to be and then there were all the tasks.

I had never lived on a farm before. I was mechanically challenged, to put it nicely. Things

would break and I’d just stare at them. I had no idea what to do. And worse than that, I had a

habit of killing cows. It wasn’t intentional. But I quickly learned that if you don’t treat your

cows the right way at the right time, they die. My poor partner hated to see me coming. Either I

was coming to tell him something was broken or something died. Needless to say, it put a strain

on our relationship.

And then, added to all of that, was the question of where I was going. I had always thought that I

would end up back in ministry, but I was so consumed with the work on the farm that I barely

attended church, let alone had time for ministry.

Living your life at the D level is hard. It emotionally drains you. You get up every day fearing

what’s going to go wrong next. I can remember praying,

“God, this wasn’t the deal. It wasn’t supposed to work like this!

This was supposed to be my dream life and it’s turned into a nightmare.”

You see, instead of God taking CARE of me, it seemed like God was working AGAINST me!

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Have you ever been in a place like that? Have you ever had so many things go wrong in your

life that you thought that God was actually working against you? Maybe that’s how you feel

today.

There is a story tucked away in the Bible, in First and Second Samuel, that talks about this very

feeling of God working against you. In fact, the story’s main character has the name Meribaal,

which means “the God who fights against me”. You don’t get a name like that without having a

few issues in your life.

Today is the first of a series this summer talking about extreme makeovers from God. So we are

going to see what God did in Meribaal’s life and I’m hoping it will be a big encouragement to

you.

The story begins back in the days when Israel had their first king, King Saul. Saul was an

excellent leader, but he made the mistake of disobeying God. When he did that, God chose a

new leader to take his place. His name was David. But Saul wasn’t stupid. Even though he

knew that his days were numbered, he wasn’t going to simply roll over and allow David to take

the throne without putting up a fight. Saul became obsessed with hunting down David in hopes

of killing him so Saul could remain king.

Now, surprisingly, David’s best friend was Saul’s son. His name was Jonathan. In First Samuel,

chapter twenty, David asked a favor of Jonathan. He said,

“Jonathan, I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately but your dad’s spears have been getting

pretty close to me! How would you like to help keep your dad from killing me?”

Now, Jonathan was a pretty smart guy - he saw this as an opportunity. He knew that if he helped

David, David would probably become king. He also knew that the habit of most new kings was

to kill the family of the previous king to prevent any kind of rebellion. So Jonathan said,

“David, I’ll make a deal with you. If you promise not to kill me or my descendants when

you become king, I’ll promise to help keep my dad from killing you.”

It sounded good to David, so they made a covenant.

Not long after that, Saul and Jonathan were both killed in battle. David was then free to take the

throne. When he did, there was a great rush by Saul’s family to evacuate Jerusalem for fear that

they would be killed.

One of these family members who fled was Jonathan’s only son – Meribaal. He was five-years

old at the time. Second Samuel, chapter four says that in the rush to leave the city, the boy’s

nurse dropped him, and as a result, he lost the use of both his feet. (We don’t know what

happened, maybe a horse trampled him.) The nurse grabbed the boy and smuggled him into the

desert to live in exile, twenty miles from Jerusalem. My guess is that his nurse gave him the

name “Meribaal” – the God who fights against me - at that time, and it is not hard to understand

why.

First of all, his father and grandfather had just been killed. Second, since no one knew about

David’s covenant with Jonathan, the nurse must have felt like Meribaal was under the constant

threat of being assassinated. Finally, the boy was crippled, and I say that in the worst sense of

the word. In that day, there was no concept of being “physically challenged”. To be crippled

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was a sign that God had cursed you. What more evidence did she need? It was obvious. God

was against him. So she called him Meribaal.

Think about this! One day this kid is the pampered grandson of the king living in a royal palace.

He has his own personal pizza chef, and custom four wheelers to ride through the Jerusalem

hills. Plus, he knows that when he grows up, he will be the king. But instead, he is a crippled

orphan of a dishonored family living in self-imposed exile in the desert. He is cut off from the

world and has no future.

What is he good for? Who would marry him? His only hope is to merely survive and pray that

no one learns of his existence. On top of this he is certain that he is cursed of God, and in case

he forgets, his name – Meribaal - will always be a reminder. How would you like to be in his

shoes?

The truth is, we have all been in his shoes. Meribaal is a picture of every human being – He

personifies the human condition; cut off from God , fearing judgment and unable to do anything

about it. Thankfully, many of us here have been restored to God and found emotional healing

through faith is Jesus Christ.

Yet, there are probably a number of us here today who are STILL in his shoes. What I mean is

that some of us are experiencing the same pain that I have just described in Meribaal’s life. It is

what I call the pain of shame.

The pain of shame results when you believe that some event (or series of events) has damaged

you permanently and beyond repair. Maybe you were abused as a child. Maybe you were

ridiculed or neglected as a child. Maybe your family has a dark secret or you yourself have a

history of bad decisions and regret that you believe is unforgivable. Whatever the cause, if you

suffer from shame, you see yourself as being defective and worthless.

The pain of shame causes you to fear being exposed and ridiculed for the person you really are.

Therefore you do one of two things: either you work desperately hard to look and act perfect, to

be above scrutiny, or, you do the opposite, withdraw from life and don’t even try to measure up.

(Sometimes you do both). And because you are convinced of your worthlessness, you have no

illusions of ever being successful even if you have already achieved some level of success in life.

Any previous success is discounted as a fluke that can be easily explained away.

To add to your pain, you believe that you are so flawed that even God has given up on you and

might even be working against you. Your only hope in life is to merely survive. Therefore,

whether you are Meribaal, sitting in a desert three thousand years ago, or a business executive or

a teenager sitting here in church, the pain of shame looks identical.

Now, back to our story - Fifteen years have gone by. Meribaal is twenty years old and still in the

desert. David is still king. In Second Samuel, chapter nine, verse one David is relishing the

blessings of God in his life. His kingdom has expanded greatly and he has become very rich. As

David reflects on all of the blessings that God has given him, he wonders out loud, “God, you

have been so good to me. Is there anyone that I can show favor to as a way of showing my

thankfulness to You?”

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Suddenly, he remembers his covenant with Jonathan. “That is right! If it had not been for

Jonathan, none of my success would be possible.” David quickly calls for his servant. “Is there

anyone remaining from the household of Jonathan?” he asks. The servant says, “Yes, there is.

Jonathan has a son living in the desert.” David immediately dispatches a battalion of men to

bring him to David.

Can you imagine what it must have been like for Meribaal to see this battalion approaching?

Each day, for fifteen years, he would sit at his window, looking out onto the desert. He rarely

saw anyone - Only an occassional lost traveler. That was just the way he wanted it to be. Sure,

he was lonely but at least he was safe. The last thing he wanted was to be discovered. You see,

the shamed person is always willing to forfeit relationships for safety.

Then one day he sees a cloud of dust coming across the desert. It comes closer and closer. He

knows that this is no lost traveler. His heart begins to beat faster. He asks himself, “Can this be

what I have dreaded all these years?”

As the cloud draws near he first sees the manned horses and then the royal colors of the king

draped across them. His chest starts pounding. The men race up to his house, jump off their

horses and pound on the door. “Is this the house of Meribaal?” He hesitates. What should he

say? He says that it is. “We have come to bring you to the king”. Then they add, “The king

would be honored to have you as his guest.”

“Yeah, right”, he tells himself, “I believe that! This is just a ruse, just a thinly veiled trick to lure

me away only to be made a laughingstock by the king and then be tortured to death before the

people.” But what can he do? He’s caught. Reluctantly, he consents to go with them.

It is a long dusty trip back. Meribaal’s stomach is in knots and his heart is in his throat the whole

way. He passes the time by planning on how he will beg David for mercy. When he is brought

to the King, Meribaal immediately throws himself at David’s feet.

But before he can speak, David looks at him with a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes.

David calls him by a new name, “Mephibosheth!” David knows that he is about to change this

man’s life and he begins by changing his name.

Mephibosheth means “He who scatters my shame”. The word “scatter” is a little weak. The

Hebrew actually communicates a separating, or a complete shattering as takes place when an axe

splinters a block of wood. It implies the total removal of something. This is exactly what David

intends to do for Meribaal, totally remove his shame. David had made a promise to Jonathan.

He is determined to keep it.

This story is so ironic! Meribaal expected dishonor and death, but David’s intention is to show

him only kindness. You know, that’s how some of us are with God – we fear his condemnation

when He only longs to show us His kindness.

Suddenly, with just the mention of his new name,a window of hope has been thrown open for

Meribaal. For the first time he begins to think that maybe, just maybe, God is for him and not

against him.

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David continues to tell Meribaal five things that will scatter his shame. If you listen closely you

might hear God speaking to you as well.

The first thing David says is, “Do not fear!” Meribaal needs to hear that. He is more than afraid, he’s terrified! After fifteen years of hiding

in fear, he’s been exposed. He doesn’t know what to expect next.

How about you? Are you afraid? Do you fear being exposed and then rejected? I see this a lot

here. At Cedarbrook, we reach a number of people who are hurting. They are attracted to God

and initially get very excited about knowing God and growing in faith. But then they look

around, see the other people, and they start shutting down. If growing in faith means opening up

to other people – that’s too threatening. So they drift away and return to their previous life. Do

you fear the consequences that might come as a result of people knowing your past? You might

be saying, “If people only knew what I am really like, they wouldn’t want to associate with me.”

That can be a haunting thought.

But God wants you to hear what David said, “Do not fear.” God wants to comfort you. He

wants you to know that it doesn’t matter to Him what is in your past. He wants you to know that

He accepts you unconditionally. When God scatters your shame, He calms your fears by

accepting you unconditionally.

The second thing David says is, “I will surely show you kindness.” Kindness was the last thing in the world that Meribaal expected as he rode across that desert.

Rather than kindness, he was probably thinking about the various methods of humiliation or

execution they would be using on him.

Let me ask you, what do you spend your time thinking about? Are you so convinced of your

unworthiness that you spend your time thinking about the bad things that might happen rather

than how God wants to bless you?

A man that I once counseled stopped into my office a few years ago, out of the blue. He had

lived a rough life but had finally turned his life around. He and his wife were looking for a

house to purchase. They weren’t having any luck when they finally found the perfect house, just

what they had dreamed of owning. They made a bid on it and it was accepted. He was all set to

sign on the paperwork when he suddenly felt tremendous guilt. He didn’t think he was worthy of

such a good thing.

He came to me asking what he should do. I asked him if he had any children. He said he did.

Then I asked him if he enjoyed giving them gifts. He smiled, as if remembering times when he

had done that. He said, “Sure I do”. Then I told him, “What makes you think God is any

different? Go on, sign those papers and enjoy the house! God is trying to bless you. Let Him!”

Now, I want you to see this. The text says that David showed him kindness. Why? Why did he

do that? It says “for the sake of [his] father Jonathan.” What that means is, David’s kindness

had nothing to do with Meribaal. David’s kindness had everything to do with David’s covenant

with Jonathan. David wasn’t blessing Meribaal because he was such a great guy. David blessed

Meribaal because he promised Jonathan that he would.

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My point is this: God’s kindness to you isn’t based on how good you are. You can’t earn it.

God’s kindness is based on how good God is. When God scatters your shame, He shows you

His kindness.

The next thing David says is,

“I will restore all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul.” Meribaal had kissed his inheritance good-bye a long time ago. He assumed the rest of his life

would be lived in the desert in poverty. I wonder if you have made similar assumptions. Maybe

you have told yourself “There’s no way I can ever live a life of blessing.” In your mind, you

have made too many mistakes, and the mistakes are permanent and unforgivable.

You need to know that’s a lie. David restored Meribaal’s inheritance and God wants to restore

your inheritance to you as well. He will spare no expense in restoring the areas of your life that

have been damaged or destroyed. When God scatters your shame, He restores your loss.

The fourth thing David says is, “You will always eat at my table.” Now, you have to understand that eating at the king’s table was a big deal. It would be like

being invited to eat with the president of the United States, for every meal, for the rest of your

life. To eat at the king’s table was to be shown the utmost honor as well as to be given the right

to be in relationship with the king. The king’s table was for the king’s family and the heads of

state. Only the most respected people were allowed to eat with the king.

Meribaal couldn’tt even imagine such honor. From his perspective, to be honored in this way

could only be a mistake or a sinister plot to publicly expose and humiliate him. But this was no

mistake.

David wanted to make a clear statement, not only to Meribaal, but also to the entire nation. By

inviting him to the king’s table he was saying this: “I have scattered the shame of Meribaal

forever. His heritage and his crippled legs have no bearing on his worth. I have included

Meribaal at my table because he is honored in my sight and he is my friend, both now and

always.”

This is God’s word to you as well. He wants you to know that you are welcomed into His

presence, not on a limited basis, but forever. When God scatters your shame, He honors you by

relating to you personally.

The final thing that David says to scatter Meribaal’s shame is that he will grant him all the

servants of King Saul. Not only was he given the land, he was given the resources to work the land. He wasn’t required

to work at all. That is a pretty good deal! Meribaal must have thought, “You mean you are

going to give me back all my land, let me eat at the king’s table and not require anything from

me? Am I missing something? What is the catch?” It must have been very hard for him to

believe and very hard to accept. Maybe he was even a little suspicious.

How about you? Do you find yourself being suspicious of being accepted by both God and other

people? Are you are tempted to think “They say they accept me unconditionally, but I know they

only accept me if I live up to their standards”? David went out of his way to make it clear that

this was a no “strings attached” offer. The same is true with God. When God scatters your

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shame, He gives you rest from your striving to please Him as well as others …no strings

attached.

After David was done speaking, Meribaal (now Mephibosheth) accepted David’s kindness. He

could have refused David’s kindness and returned to the desert. But he chose to believe him and

take his place at the king’s table. He was soon married and had a son. He called him Micah,

meaning, “Who is like God?”

Who is like God? Who but God can take a crippled, orphaned, enemy-of-the-state and restore

him to the status of honor? Who but God can forgive you and me of all of our past sin, failure

and shame and welcome us into a relationship with Him?

If you feel like God has been fighting against you, I encourage you to think again. Meribaal’s

story was destined to end in shame and defeat in a barren desert. But God broke into his life.

God rewrote the ending to Meribaal’s story. He can rewrite yours as well.

It is easy to think that your life is set in stone, that you are stuck in failure and destined to limp

through life. But the prophet Isaiah said that God “longs to be gracious to you.” That means

that God is just waiting for you to look to Him and receive His kindness.

Do you believe that? If you do believe that, then you need to do what Meribaal did. You need to

accept it. I told you that Meribaal could have refused David’s kindness and returned to the desert.

A lot of people hear of God’s kindness and think that it is “too good to be true”, or that “it is

only for other people”, so they walk away and return to their own personal desert. I hope you

will not make that mistake.

Do not walk away.

Let God scatter your shame and take your place at the king’s table.

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Note: After spending seven years on the farm I returned to ministry and started Cedarbrook

Church in 2003 in Menomonie, Wisconsin. The church has been very successful in helping

people meet God and experiencing true life change. www.cedarbrookchurch.net