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by Sylvia Mendoza

hen vou think of hell as a biblical place rvhere \rour pain doesn'tend, that was it."

Ingrid Betancourt iived in that hell. A presidential candidate in 2002,she was kidnapped bv guerrilla revolutionaries and held hostage for sixyears deep in the Colombian jungles. The dailv horrors, terror. fears andambiguities made her question her purpose and threatened to strip her ofdignitv, but also made her pull up core strength and stamina she didn'tknow simmered deep within her.

How did she hold onto sanitv when she was surrounded br, aberrantbehavior? When she was assaulted and ostracized bv captors and fellowhostages alike, when every simple freedom had been denied her. rvhen sheendured bouts of solitarv confinement because of her four escapeattempts, when betrayal went deep and loyalty lisped, humanin'evaporatedand values were comprornised?

She held onto a basic freedom that anchored her through those doubrfilled days and scary nights.

"l still had one freedom: to decide who I wanted to be and how I wouldcarry myself," she sa.vs. "I thought, 'I won't bend, won't be what thev wantmg to be."'

Betancourt's horrif ic ordeal came to l ife when she spoke at theUniversiW of California-San Diego, and again in her book, Euen SilenceHas an End: My Six Years of Captiuity in the Colombian Jungle An LA.Times book review called it "an unforgettable epic of moral courage andhuman endurance."

Born in Bogotd but raised in Paris, Betancourt held her politician

father in high esteem and accepted his challenge to one dai rerun -back to their country. Her intentions were good; her timing \\ ri: n,i

She realized she needed to document her hostage erperirnLt i{, ,. ..cate and enlighten and put into perspective the plight of the poor'. ,!:country and of her own precarious position as a politician, The rirlr ,:

book was inspired by a poem by Pablo Neruda and made her rru,,.J:her mortalifv and what would happen after death. She could be l'rc,,!:r: ,and remembered because of her words. "I needed to translonri tii ..

vears I had lost into something positive," she savs.She tells of clich6d lessons learned about a life well-lived. Shr rrii. :

second chances, She tells of truths being unearthed, fallacies beinq .i'.,'

tered and how hope can be a driving force. She tells of fg11 11[i11q r',,unforgiving and all-encompassing. She tells of how her deep belicf in .' ':'passion and human justice faltered. She tells of how her familr's lorr .1.-

tained her.Yet, writing the book wasn't therapeutic,"It was torture," she says. "Other hostages were mor.inq on .u .:

because I was writing, I was still in the jungle. It would be ven difficLrlt :, rpeople to understand how we had lived in the jungle. Then thrrr ri,'r',problems when I arrived back in freedom. I couldn't talk about it li ',

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'.nr, rrl{ rn\ trr :till vivid. But I needed to give testimony, share with my fami-. *hrr h ld heppened."

rf11. \\ rr)tr outside of France. in the mountains, white with snow, a heav-:-::', rr',rltl ru:tr from that hellish place. At the end of the day, to look:::',ir:th tht uindos'and see she was someplace else helped in healing as-",' r.rt rti tirr prues dailr. "Recalling was not a problem. The problem was" .rt \\r thr hOsteqes. cannot forget,"

Ihat Betancourt learned About Humanity1: ..rpurrn u ith I + other hostages, interconnections were made. Seeing

'...::r.n rirturr erolve and humanity disintegrate made Betancourt rcabze' .::'.:tlir.ii lirnitations. strenghs and flaws. Personalities clashed and opin-''. ,rr (\errpe or securing freedom ran the gamut. How each of them

.,-.,.: ',iith ;rdversin and humiliation was tratmatizing but brought out the--,.rrr.1'of rr pelson and his or her strengths and weakness, explains

r', r.r:t,rrrrt Ther u'anted to save and be saved. It was a humbling revela-. '' :' ,r hcr "\\ e all rvant to be heroes, but we're not. You're just you."

Irr :rhtluction and captivity tested them, played mind games. "In.,'\:iir rt()n. rou lose identitv. Without freedom, we lose the compass to our. .. . ,rq. u'ho \\'e Are. Without individualitv. you question, who LmI?"

I:rt.rr rirre thousands of silent moments because sentries would see'l . r- t,'nrnruniclrtion as threatening. Betancourt refers to different kinds of-.r'r(('\ rn her book. "We are beings of communication. When silence is.,r rn1lor; .md is self-imposed and your choice, it's sweet. When silence is,r 'rtirr'. rrild is imposed, it's similar to dying."

.i,hnr,itrd to these ertreme conditions, Betancourt likened the experi-:,, .r concentration camp - hostages in one crammed hovel, being

'.r:. irrrl l+ hours a dar,: She and her assistant entered a space already col-' i./t.ti hr three .\merican contractors and seven Colombians. Securing"t trt'. ,rl:p11's thev could call their own became a mission.

\\ r knen \\'e were manipulated," she explains, "Guards wanted to divide.- 'rrir rniti'.rllv u'e felt solidaritv and embraced love, We were like a family."

Ih:u connection did not last as the days turned into years, Survival of:r(. linr.\t became the mission as they scrounged for more food for suste-.r.nLr. rrr something to read to keep their minds sharp, radios to listen to:r ()r(lcr to stav connected with the outside world, and protecting any tiny.(rnhhnce of personal connection to family s0 that they could stay sane.,.,rrcrrilles assaulted and humiliated them, peeling back lavers of dignity,:rrrtlr rrnd humaniW until all that was left was doubt and mistrust, and',tt.n. rr disconnect between bodies and souls.

lr hrought the awareness of true freedom we take for granted. I had:r:t 11ll sorts of basic freedoms - to sit down, stand up, to sleep, haverf):rcf . .til of these were taken away.I lost everything." There were points inhrr captivitr where she could no longer bear her situation. She attemptedro cssrp. four times. "For every attempted escape, I got recaptured. But Inrj\rr gave up. I would say, 'next time I will succeed."'

\s the vears passed, howeveq post-traumatic stress disorder startedurknq root. Stereotlped images were shattered. For Betancourt, the lack ofrr:ilience of fellow hostages who were American soldiers surprised her.I'hese abducted military men and policemen who had been trained for war\\ ere not prepared for the mental wear and tear they experienced.

"l was amazed to see that once theywere faced with extreme cruelty,hunriliation and unfair treatment, they were not psychologically preparedto *'ithstand it."

That insight affected her personally, as well. "It was difficult to accept

that I was not as strong as I thought I was."

Fallacies Shattered/Truths UnearthedBetancourt was running for president because she felt it was time for a

change. In her capture, what changed dramatically was her viewpoint ofthe FARC, the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, her captors. Shehad thought they would have something to say, to be reasonable andinsightful, but their power trip made her unearth cerlain truths that shattered their image. "However, you have to draw a line between the FARC asan organization and the troop made by voung men and women,"

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According to Betancourt, the FARC stafied ul rl a l r*.chivalrous affitude and magnitude of savion to 6e por i t fn faddressed land reform and social justice, equrhly d oo4- fpromised a better life for those who followed fre FAIC d J *politicians.

"Sometimes we think of radical as romantic," says Benct frrlthat romanticism that was associated wittr Che Guerzre qti h tpoor. I liked that idea."

Instead, what she saw behind enemy lines as a hoa4e r* bunearth a truttr about the FARC and its sunce on poverty. It did m |I hthe poor to have better privileges or social iustice, or to be ffr. tc - Iused the poor to get better opporhrnities for itself.

"l rcalized it was allfake. They lost their soul, ttreir dircoin Ir c-rupted beyond belief. If they were really working for fte pmr, tcn dhave been great strides made by now. One guerrilla sai4 'humrn rtb rta bourgeois concept.' And I had to take another look."

For the guerrillas and peasans from around the counry, a bcildrexisted in the iungle, with drug traffchng as a maior sounoe n oiiweapons and privileges such as better food and clotres. Peopl€ ca bc urnarVe and are duped, sap Betancouft. Girls could becorne prosG dwork their way up to be partner of. a commander became fra ns r prFtion of power and privilege and guaranteed a beuer life - or a led l rerto fill a belly and leave destitute environments. Being a guenilh - a rlone - was an upgrade.

The FARC, however, lost credibility by holding the ho*rges so loq strophies and instruments of their propaganda, she believes. It bccrcinternationally known, but more as a band of terrorigs or dnry uffusthan rebels with a cause.

"This is not iust Colombia's problem," saJn Betancourt "It's ri4/sproblem, a global problem, a problem of terrorism. ltere is r wru *mane logic to their existence. Like Pandora's box, the monster isunleashed."

Vhat Betancourt l€arned About HerselfBetancourt looked to her family as inspirafion, giving her plrcifs

andawork ethic thar took her from dual citizenship and ilife of pnr|t;rin Paris back to her roots in Colombia. She arended fte Insfiuile d.bPolitiques de Paris, also served in Colombia's Congress. Her Scr. rdiplomat, worked aI the United Nations and was assigned to fre etnhr! rParis. Betancourt found heneH becoming an anti+omrption ffi d.when she moved to Colombia in the larc 1990s, worked her r4'a luColombia's Finance Minisry to the House of Representatircs lod h tSenate. She didn't like the endless comrption hat disorted .ll 6c Fodthat could be done by government and how it affected hdtcs 'tb?

were things that I iust couldn't accept. The lack of iusice rhrys ri;trlthings in me. It's difficult to shut up wtren someone is bein3 Fea *manely, when something's not right."

That's what led her to run for president and to come rp f-r t}FARC. After the hostages' rescue by Colombian arm€d brces h In tconcept of freedom changed her perspective and life purpce. .lcoolQto the New World Encyclopedia online, she is saeo rs "r crrtltwoman ... who sacrificed everything for her cormtn:" Shc b tEaaawards such as the L6$on d'honneur and tre Cmcord Frh d -5ri

award, as well as a nomination for the Nobd Feaoe PriE.But she is convinced she will n€rer go into potdcs ei Sb c

m focus on calming her qpirig living an exemined life and making up forlo'$ time.

"In deily lives, we forget lide darils," she sa5n. 'Ve give ourselves rea-soos not to be the be$ we can be. Ve are nasry because we're tired ordidn't have brealfrst or had tW discussion. Iherc is no iustification forftb den it can be hermfrrl for fre oo€s we lorr."

She regres not enough dme wift h€r frft€r, urho died while she was ahoerge, witr her children. witr her mo&er, her sister. She has a deeprfuirnion for them, for nercr giving up. Her htrer's dsth affected her'pmfuunOh. "I thought I'd rlwrys find time laer. Hfe proved me wrong. Vesiler€d in a wey not pocsible to describe. lte mo* important thing is

tour pr€s€nt time, not some tine in the fuurre."Her hearuche *netches'to fre polidcel r€na A luwsuit was brought

Tdn$ fre ColomHrn gowrnm€nt beceuse ftere is a law protecting vic-dns of terrorism; ftey crn drim coryasetion. "0dler hostages asked forrt, hrt wh€n I d4 it was a huge scandal."

Seen as a political drcaq Se was aracked in cou4 and her reputationsfrere{ end she ftlt b€trryEd" "It wes a lie, gmtesque, unhir. Colombianshl me md nrned a victim into a crininel. If I received a hundred timesmore compensdion if I went beck - I would n€ver go back to that iungleor time in my life."

She seels in$ead inner peace to help her through the onslaught ofcdebrity ste$s ad penonal bashing. 'You go to that place inside of you.It doesn't prevent you from facing problems and obstacles, but you cans|i[ r€tneat to it to put thinp into perspective. It doesn't meiln you won'tfud pain or feel sorrow, but you'll be okay."

f,cr Sllcrce llas an BndEren after her ordeal, Betancourt has hope for healing - for Colombia

and herself. "Vhet happened to me and all my compadres was abom-imble, but pain alloun you to grow in a spiritual way."

In ftis day of technology at one's fingertips, she hopes students andromg p€ople won't lose sight of what is important - that humanity andconnection that makes ftem take stock of their lives. "We have become,Ti6 dl 6ose toyr that we have, very distraaed. The availabilityyou need tohf€, elsrJn answering to everyone except to yourself, wittr no time to beSlent, can be detrimental."

Itis is when she zugge$s silence.'Trlc an hour t My, or whaever it takes, to ponder what you did dur-

iq 6e dry. met *zs right? What was not so right? What matters? Do nothee conteo wifr your soul."

B€tmcourt embraces hat contact with her soul now. The haunted, sadlook in her qres $e believes will say wittr her forever, but even with thatsrdness, she can be grateful. "The essence of who I was died. I washrrmed rnd munded in many ways but persevered, even when I thought Ilrs fteble."

Frm her persffirance, Se hopes her children have learned they can-d cmpmmise essentid principles. that therc will always be causes likesdd iusice. rnti+omrption, and the fight against drug trafrcking thatrcd n be for$r ltet sanding up for what one believes is right mightrt$f in wifices. consequences, even persecution. Sometime5, silencerGGe b be bmlcn.

-for h€odom, rou hrve to be tough. You need to have a spine. Youcll Slw ry. e+ectdlvufien tou're afraid."

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