modern family - imagery - shaun graham

8/2/2019 Modern Family - Imagery - Shaun Graham

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MODERN FAMILY

"Imagery"

Written by

Shaun Graham

[email protected]

277 Mapleton Avenue

Barrie, Ontario

L4N 5V4

(705)726-5672



ACT ONE

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY

The family finishes dinner.

HALEYThat was delicious, mom. Thank you.

Haley grabs her phone and begins texting as she heads out ofthe dining room.

ALEXThanks, Mom.

Alex grabs a text book. Luke and Alex follow after Haley.

LUKE

Thank you.

CLAIRENot so fast!

The kids stop, turn to Claire.

Claire (CONT’D)Two weeks ago you all promised me you

would help out more around the house.Slowly but surely you’ve all beendoing less and less. I want the tablecleared and the dishwasher loaded.

The children groan.

PHILListen to your mother, children.

Phil pops a forkful of food in his mouth.

HALEYWhat about Dad?

LUKE

Yeah!

ALEXHe promised to help out more.

CLAIREYour father promised me he would keepthe floors clean.

MODERN FAMILY "Imagery" 1.

(MORE)



And in two weeks I haven’t seen so much as a dust bunny so, unlike youthree, he’s kept his word.

Phil nods smugly at the children, wipes his mouth.

PHILThank you, honey. Dinner wasdelicious.

Phil walks off, looks back, spots Alex watching him suspiciously, continues out of the room.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHILThe truth is my robot assistantcleaned the floors. That’s right, I

have a robot.

Phil lifts a Roomba (floor cleaning robot) box from thefloor, displays it.

PHIL (CONT’D)It’s quiet, cleans great and workssmart. Scary smart. It knows whenit’s running out of battery, returnsto its base and recharges itself.That’s nearly sentient. It’s a giftfor the family but until someonefigures it out it’s my own personaltime saver. I hid the base under thecouch and programmed it to clean inthe wee hours of the morning. Suresomeone will figure it out.

(shrugs)When it’s discovered we’ll all have abig laugh.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK - DAY

Mitchell, carrying a tripod, and Cam, a professional cameraover his shoulder, pulling Lily along, hurry towards a large

public fountain.

LILYWhy are we running?

CAMWe‘re gonna take some photos at thenew fountain, Honey, and we gotta getthere before they shut it down for thenight.


CONTINUED:CLAIRE (CONT'D)



MITCHELLWe should have left earlier.

CAMWe’ll be fine.

Mr. and Mrs. Gordon, an elderly couple, approach. Mrs.Gordon holds out a small camera.

MRS. GORDONExcuse me, would one of you be kindenough to snap a picture of us by thefountain? They’ll be shutting it offsoon.

MITCHELLOh, it’s funny, cause we were just--

Cam snatches the small camera.

CAMWe would be delighted to help out.

Mitchell sighs.

MITCHELL INTERVIEW

MITCHELLCam is a giving person. He can’tresist helping those in need. Even ifthose in need aren’t really in needand someone else could easily snap aphotograph. He’s a show off is whatit is. A giving show off.

INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Jay pours a glass of wine, reaches for it.

GLORIA (O.S.)Jay!

Jay knocks the glass off the counter. Gloria enters.

GLORIA (CONT’D)I hear a strange noise going onupstairs! It’s very spooky.

JAYWhy are you shouting, Gloria?


CONTINUED:



GLORIA (louder)

I’m not shouting! I just saying thereis a spooky noise upstairs and itsounds like EErrrrrRrrrRrrrrrrr... Oh

no. What happened?

JAYI spilled my wine.

GLORIA On the new rug? Maybe you've hadenough.

JAYIt was my first glass!

Jay inspects the spill.

JAY (CONT’D)Huh!

(amused)Wouldja Look at that!

Gloria moves beside him, eyes the rug. Her eyes widen.

JAY (CONT’D)It looks like a face. Like the faceof--

GLORIA (screams)

El Diablo!

Gloria bolts from the room.

GLORIA (CONT’D)(Spanish)

The devil’s in our home! Manny, whereare you, Love! Come to me! We mustflee.

She hurries upstairs.

Jay is only surprised by her reaction for a short moment. Heturns back to the rug.

JAYOh, hell.


CONTINUED:



EXT. PUBLIC PARK - BY FOUNTAIN - DAY

Mitchell stands back with Lily.

Cam holds the Gordon’s dated camera. Mrs. Gordon points to

the button on the top.

MRS. GORDONTo focus you have to hold the buttondown half way--

CAMIt’s okay. I’m quite familiar withthe quirky functioning of these basicpoint-and-shoot models.

MRS. GORDONOh. Okay. Great.

CAMNo worries. I’m on it. In position!

Mr. And Mrs. Gordon stand side-by-side in front of thefountain, smile. Cam aims the camera.

CAM (CONT’D)I want emotion. No holding back.

A long moment passes.

MR. AND MRS. GORDONCheese!

Another long moment.

CAMI’m sorry, this angle does not offerthe best composition, just one secondhere.

Mitchell rolls his eyes. Lily skips around Mitchell.

Cam gets down on one knee, prepares to take the shot.

Another long moment passes.

Cam cringes, gets to his feet, approaches the couple.

CAM (CONT’D)You know what? I’m actually a semi-pro photographer. But there’s only so

much I can do with this...

Cam holds up the small camera, makes a face.




CAM (CONT’D)But...

Cam holds up his pro camera.

CAM (CONT’D)On the other hand, with this puppy, Icould get some fabulous shots and allI’d need is an e-mail address and Icould shoot them off to you tomorrow.

(cringes)Do you have an e-mail address?

MR. GORDONWe have e-mail. Believe it or not.

MRS. GORDONThat would be lovely.

CAMPerfect.

Lily pulls on Mitchell’s arm.

LILYWhen are we taking pictures?

MITCHELLYou need to learn patience, Lily.Especially with a dad like Cam.

Mitchell checks his watch.

CAMHow about your sweetheart sits on theedge of the fountain and you stand

with your arm around him?

Cam gets into an awkward stance, adjusts the lens, snaps aphoto just as the water shuts off.

Mitchell throws up his arms, defeated.

MRS. GORDONOh, heavens.

CAMNot to worry. I captured it!

MR. GORDONJust in time.

Cam checks his camera’s digital display.


CONTINUED:



CAMIt’s gonna look great. Don’t you

worry.

MRS. GORDON

Wonderful. Thank you so much.

MOMENTS LATER

Cam, Mitchell and Lily head out of the park.

MITCHELLYou know, I was really hoping to showsome fountain pictures to the familythis weekend.

CAMWe’ll come back tomorrow.

MITCHELLOh. Simple. Did you hear that, Lily?We’re coming back tomorrow.

LILYYay!

MITCHELLYes, cause we have all the time in the

world and nothing else we need toaccomplish.

CAMLily and I, for different reasons, arenot appreciating your sarcasm.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Alex does school work at the table. She’s distracted by aglare on the spotless tiles. She studies the floor, getsdown on her knees.

Claire enters. Alex stands, straightens her clothes, clearsher throat.

CLAIREEverything okay, Alex?

ALEXHave you ever seen dad cleaning thefloors?

CLAIREAlex--


CONTINUED: (2)



ALEXI asked Haley and Luke and they’venever seen him clean the floor.

CLAIRE

Things tend to get past those two--

ALEXDon’t you think it’s odd that no one’s

witnessed him even holding a broom?

CLAIREThe floors are clean. He’s cleaningthem.

ALEXBut how?

They simultaneously eye the spotless floor.

CLAIREI suggest you concern yourself less

with how your father keeps the floorsclean, and more with finishing yourhomework.

Claire gestures to Alex’s books.

ALEXThat’s not homework. It’s extracurricular.

Claire glares at Alex.

ALEX (CONT’D)All right! Okay.

Alex, defeated, returns to the table. Claire scans thefloor, peers into the living room.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Haley lounges in a chair chatting on her cell phone.

HALEY(on the phone)

He was watching her without herknowing?

Clair steps in, inspecting the spotless floor.

Haley gets up from the chair.


CONTINUED:



HALEY (CONT’D)(on phone)

On the topic of privacy, I wish people would allow me a little when they seeI’m on the phone.

Haley heads to the stairs.

CLAIREYou’re always on the phone, Haley! Ifyou’re going upstairs, take yoursweater with you.

Claire grabs a sweater Haley left lying over the chair andthrows it to her.

CLAIRE (CONT’D)And stop leaving your clothes all over

the house.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Claire opens a closet, reaches in, pulls out a broom anddustpan, inspects them.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Claire checks the coast is clear, sneaks in with the broom and dustpan, hides them under the couch.

The doorbell rings. Claire startles, jumps to her feet.

PHIL (O.S.)I got it!

Phil hurries down the stairs, spots Claire standing awkwardlyby the couch.

Claire crosses her arms, tries to appear casual. Phil opensthe front door.

On the front step, Gloria stands behind Manny, her hands onhis shoulders.

GLORIA (distressed)

We seek sanctuary.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER

The entire Dunphy family and Manny listen as Gloria paces onthe phone.


CONTINUED:



GLORIA (On Phone)

Manny and I are never stepping feetback in that house! ...Yes, you cantalk to Claire. You can talk to your

whole family as much as you want andyou can downplay what happened butthey didn’t see what I saw! Theydidn’t see it!

Gloria shoves the phone into Claire’s hands.

CLAIREHi, Dad. ...You took a picture?

Haley’s smart phone beeps. She checks it.

HALEY

I got it.

Phil’s smart phone beeps. He checks it.

PHILOh, yep, here it is.

HALEYWow!

PHIL(laughing)

Whoa, look at that. That is so--

Phil spots Gloria glaring at him.

PHIL (CONT’D)(stops laughing)

--concerning.

Alex looks at Haley’s phone. She cocks an eyebrow. Luketakes the phone, studies the image.

LUKEWhoa, that’s cool!

GLORIA That’s not cool! You go on, Manny.Take a look. See it for yourself.Then you will know why we had toabandon our home.

Phil shows the image on his smart phone to Manny. Manny isclearly not too concerned.


CONTINUED:



GLORIA (CONT’D)Didn’t I tell you!

Manny’s eyes go wide, he feigns concern.

MANNYYes, I now see what you were saying!It’s the face of Lucifer.

Gloria hurries to Manny, holds him.

GLORIA It’s okay, Darling. We’ll be safehere.

END OF ACT ONE


CONTINUED: (2)



ACT TWO

INT. CAM & MITCHELL’S HOUSE - OFFICE - NIGHT

Cam works at the computer. Mitchell enters with a tray.

MITCHELLI know you like to be the last thingLily sees before she falls asleep butit could end up being me if you don’tget in there.

CAMOkay, okay, I wouldn’t want her tohave nightmares. I’m nearly done.

MITCHELLDon’t tell me you haven’t sent the

Gordons their photo yet?

CAMI am attaching the photo to their e-

mail as we speak.

MITCHELLI was talking to Claire. The familydinner might be cancelled.

CAMWhat?

MITCHELLAnd if it’s not we can’t bring these.

Mitchell sets the tray down. Devilled eggs.

CAMWhy?

Cam pops a devilled egg in his mouth.

MITCHELLIt’s a long story. Finish up and I’ll

explain.

CAMOkay, but tell me what you thinkfirst. I did a few more edits than Iusually do.

Cam gestures to the computer screen.




CAMYou never support me. You know that.

MITCHELLIt’s not like you removed some red-

eye.

CAMThe retouched photo looks better.Admit it.

MITCHELLI know you’ve invested time here butyou need to take a step back andrethink what you’re doing. You’velost perspective.

Cam clicks the mouse.

CAMToo late. Trust me, they’ll like whatthey see.

Cam pops another devilled egg into his mouth and exits.

CAM (O.S.) (CONT’D)Lily, wake up if you’re sleeping!It’s time for your lullaby!

Mitchell stares at the computer in disbelief.

INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Jay and Claire stand over the stained rug.

JAYI need you to talk some sense intoher. Help her see how silly she’sbeing.

Claire stares at the rug.

JAY (CONT’D)

Claire?

CLAIRE(snaps out of it)

Yes. Of course. I will talk to her.How did it happen like this, exactly?


CONTINUED: (2)



JAYI spilled my wine and that’s how itstained the rug. It’s just a crazyfluke, Claire.

CLAIREOh, I know it’s a fluke. I’m notsaying it means anything. You know Idon’t believe in...

(gestures to rug)...This kind of thing.

JAYI just don’t know why couldn’t it havebeen Jesus or his mother. They’vebeen showing up all over the place.Or even Bill Cosby.

CLAIREBill Cosby?

JAYGloria likes him.

CLAIREAh.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Phil, in pajamas, throws one of Haley’s sweaters off thecouch, onto a chair. He makes up the couch with a blanketand pillow.

Claire and Gloria prepare to head upstairs for the night.

GLORIA Phil, are you sure you don’t mindsleeping down here while I’m upstairsin your bed with Claire?

Phil takes a moment to answer.

PHIL

Actually, that’s something--

Claire glares.

PHIL (CONT’D)--that I don’t mind because I likegetting away from the bedroom once ina while. Not because of Claire. It’snot like her snoring is... Shedoesn’t snore.


CONTINUED:

(MORE)



I just like the feeling of waking upon the couch and not knowing where Iam for a few seconds. It’s arefreshing mystery.

CLAIREMaybe we can arrange for you to sleepdown here more often.

GLORIA Good night, Phil.

PHILYou two have fun... a good sleep.Sleep tight. Don’t bite... let thebed bugs bite.

INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

A low rumbling sound. Jay, enters, listening carefully.

He approaches the night stand, opens a drawer. The rumblingsound gets louder. It’s more of a buzzing.

Jay reaches down. CLICK. The sound stops. Jay closes thenight stand drawer.

JAYNot so spooky. Threatening? Maybe.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LUKE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Luke lies in bed. Manny lies in a sleeping bag on the floor.

LUKEYou sure you don’t want to sleep uphere? I don’t mind the floor.Sometimes I sleep down there just so Ican wake up and not know where I am for a couple minutes.

MANNYI’m afraid I won’t be sleeping well

tonight regardless of where I lay myhead. What if I’m never going homeagain? I like that house. So many

memories.

LUKEWhat’s your mom so scared of the devilfor anyway?


CONTINUED:PHIL (CONT’D)



MANNYI believe it’s cultural. I recall thedevil was a legitimate concern back inColumbia and a fairly popular topic ofdiscussion when things went wrong.

LUKEI think it’s silly.

MANNYAren’t you afraid of anything?

LUKEYeah, I’m afraid of some things. Butonly real things. Things that existand can actually get you. Likerobots.

Manny considers.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Claire and Gloria climb into the bed.

GLORIA I can’t thank you enough for havingManny and I stay with you during thisdark time.

CLAIREAny time. It’s no problem at all.

They settle in.

CLAIRE (CONT’D)Gloria, do you actually--

GLORIA Yes I do!

CLAIREOkay.

GLORIA You saw his face! What more proof doyou need? I don’t know why he’s therebut he’s there. You don’t know the

whole story.

CLAIREI don’t?


CONTINUED:



GLORIA A short time before his face appeared,I was upstairs and I heard an out-ofthis-world noise.

Claire pulls up her covers.

CLAIREWhat did it sound like?

GLORIA Like something from beyond. Like adoor to another world was opening.And when I saw the face I knew that

world was the underworld. The sound was coming straight up from the bowelsof Hell. RrrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Claire’s eyes go wide. She swallows hard.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Phil sleeps on the couch. A low rumbling noise - not unlikethe noise Gloria made for Claire.

Phil awakes, smiles wide.

PHILGod speed, little Buddy. Do me proud.

The Roomba sounds like it’s struggling. Phil Looks over theedge of the couch. The Roomba pushes the broom and dustpanout from under the couch.

Phil stands, grabs up the broom and dustpan. The Roombacontinues on its way.

Phil walks to the staircase with the broom and dustpan, looksup and ponders.

END OF ACT TWO


CONTINUED:



ACT THREE

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Claire quickly tiptoes downstairs, sees Phil is not on the

couch. She spots Haley’s sweater on the chair and grabs it.She bends down to look under the couch.

Phil pokes his head in.

PHILMorning!

CLAIREYou’re up.

PHILUp and at ‘em. Nothin’ better than

gettin’ a head start on the day.Coffee?

CLAIREPlease.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Claire sneaks to the closet, opens it and peeks in. Thebroom and dustpan are there.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK - DAY

Mitchell, Cam and Lily prepare to set up their tripod andcamera.

CAMI haven’t received a thank you yet soI’m assuming they haven’t checkedtheir e-mail.

MITCHELLIt’s more likely they checked their e-

mail and weren’t thankful at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if they replied

to you with a virus.

CAMOh, yeah, the Gordons seem like hackertypes to me.

Lily points to the other side of the fountain.

LILYLook!




Mitchell spots the Gordons handing their camera to aTEENAGER.

MITCHELLOh my God, Cam, it’s them. There they

are!

Mitchell looks for a place to hide, fails.

CAMWell, what are they doing here?

MITCHELLNo doubt trying to get an accuratepicture of themselves by the newfountain.

Mr. and Mrs. Gordon pose as the Teenager prepares to snap a

picture of them. Mrs. Gordon spots Cam.

MRS. GORDONLook, it’s that joker that messedaround with our picture.

(adjusts her hair)Let’s get out of here.

MR. GORDONThat’s not necessary.

(adjusts comb-over)We’ll get our picture taken. Then

we’ll deal with him.

MRS. GORDONWhat are you going to do?

MR. GORDONDon’t worry. Just follow my lead.

TEENAGERSay Cheese!

The Gordons turn, smile warmly at the camera.

MR. AND MRS. GORDONCheese!

The Teenager snaps their picture.

MITCHELLWe should go. We’ll come back later.

CAMDon’t be silly.


CONTINUED:



The Teenager hands the camera back to Mrs. Gordon. TheGordons look to Cam, quickly lose their smiles.

MITCHELLWhere are you going?

Cam waves, approaches the Gordons.

CAMHello again!

Mitchell pulls Lily along.

CAM (CONT’D)How are the Gordons today?

MR. GORDONHello, We’re doing very well, thank

you.

CAMGreat, so did you get the photo Itook?

MR. GORDONNo. We didn’t get an e-mail.

MITCHELL(relieved, all smiles)

You didn’t get the photo?

MRS. GORDONNo. Nothing.

MR. GORDONThat’s why we’re back here. See,

we’re heading home tonight so wethought we should make sure we got ashot by the fountain.

Mrs. Gordon holds up their camera.

MRS. GORDON

Even if it’s only with our antiquehere.

MR. GORDONIn case you forgot about us.

CAMOh, God, no. I didn’t forget aboutyou. I’m not evil.


CONTINUED: (2)



Everyone laughs.

MRS. GORDONWell, that’s good.

CAMThe photo turned out great. Now didyou check your junk mail? It’s afolder you have to check regularly.

MR. GORDONWe checked it. Maybe you forgot tohit the send and receive button. Thee-mail’s probably sitting in youroutbox.

CAMI’m quite sure I remembered to send

it. Perhaps you mistakenly gave methe wrong e-mail address.

MRS. GORDONPerhaps you copied our e-mail downincorrectly when we gave it to you.

An awkward moment passes.

MITCHELLLost in cyber space, either way.That’s unfortunate.

CAMI’ll just get your e-mail again. Verycarefully this time. And I’ll re-sendthe picture.

MRS. GORDONThat would be wonderful.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK - BY FOUNTAIN - DAY

Mitchell and Lily pose for a picture. Cam prepares his procamera, set up on a tripod.

CAMOkay, setting the timer. Not so quickthat we can’t get settled and not solong that our genuine smiles begin tofade.

The Gordons walk between Mitchell and Lily and Cam. Mr.Gordon snaps a picture of Cam with his camera.


CONTINUED: (3)



MR. GORDONHave a good day!

CAMOh, thank you! You two have a nice

day as well.(to Mitchell)They took my picture.

MITCHELLI saw that.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY

Jay leads Gloria into the dining room. Alex sits at thetable with texts books, paper and an ink well.

JAYOh, hello, Alex. What are you up to?

ALEXHi, Grandpa. Hi Gloria.

GLORIA (privately)

What are you up to, Jay?

JAYNothing.

(to Alex)What are you working on there?

ALEXI’m revisiting a lesson from school onpatterns in chaos. How the human mindis hard-wired to see things,especially faces, in random shapes.I’m about to try a Rorschach blot inktest.

GLORIA Okay, you two, I know what you’re up

to and I know all about the blobs ofink.

JAYBlot. Not blob.

Alex drops some ink on a piece of paper, folds it over andreopens it.


CONTINUED:



ALEXDo you see anything here, Gloria?

Gloria snatches the paper.

GLORIA It looks like a blob of ink.

JAYNo, that’s what it is. But it’salways gonna look like something else.Like a butterfly or a vase.

GLORIA Okay, then, it looks like a splash ofblack paint on a white wall.

JAY

Gloria, you’re not--

ALEXI think she’s right. Nothing reallypops out with this one.

JAYGive me that.

Jay snatches the paper, turns it upsidedown, struggles to seeanything.

JAY (CONT’D)Okay maybe this one takes too muchimagination. Let’s try another.

ALEXGloria, why don’t you try one?

GLORIA Fine.

Gloria makes an ink blot.

GLORIA (CONT’D)

This one looks even more like a random blob.

JAYIt can’t be more random.

Manny enters the room.


CONTINUED:



JAY (CONT’D)Manny! Manny, come here. Tell us

what you see here.

Manny studies the ink blot.

MANNYConfusion and longing, mixed with atouch of nostalgia.

JAY(to Gloria)

Look, never mind these blobs of ink.The image of the devil’s face,appearing when I spilled my wine, wasan amazing fluke, but a flukenonetheless. You have to believethat.

GLORIA Don’t tell me what I have to believe!

Jay takes Gloria’s hands.

JAYWe’re hosting the family dinnertomorrow. What is it going to take toget you and Manny back home where youbelong?

Gloria considers.

INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - DAY

A PRIEST walks through the home, blessing it. Jay and Gloriafollow from a distance.

JAYWhat’s this procedure going to cost,anyway? It’s going to be pricey isn’tit?

GLORIA

At what price does it become tooexpensive to banish the Prince ofDarkness from your home?

JAYI don’t know, somewhere around--


CONTINUED: (2)



GLORIA Jay, there is no cost. So don’t even

worry your pretty little head aboutit.

JAYReally? It’s a free service?

GLORIA A generous donation to the church

would be appropriate.

JAY(to himself)

Pricey.(to Gloria)

You could’ve brought Manny, you know.If he’s as upset as you say he is,

this display might give him some pieceof mind.

GLORIA (enraged)

It’s not a display!

The priest, concerned, turns to Jay and Gloria.

GLORIA (CONT’D)(frantic)

And how many times have I told you! I will not allow my precious and onlyson back under this roof until Satanis out!

JAYFather, you don’t by chance perform exorcisms, do you?

The priest smiles. Gloria fixes her mussed hair.

GLORIA You know, Jay, there is still theunexplained mystery of the noise that

I heard.

Jay speaks privately but Gloria speaks so the priest canhear.

JAYThat mystery is no longer unexplained.

GLORIA Oh no? So what was it?


CONTINUED:



JAYIt was a toy.

GLORIA A toy?

JAYA battery operated toy that was lefton or was accidentally switched on.

GLORIA But Manny doesn’t... Oh. The...

JAY(nods)

Manny’s rock tumbler.

Gloria smiles innocently at the priest.

GLORIA The motorized rock tumbler. My sonManny left it on and it made a motornoise. It tumbles rocks.

JAY & GLORIA INTERVIEW

GLORIA It wasn’t really a rock tumbler that

made the noise.

JAYThey know.

GLORIA I feel bad because I lied. But I

would feel worse if I told the truth.

Jay nods.


Jay and Gloria stand with the priest by the front door.

PRIESTWhat I sensed in this house was anabundance of love. No trace of evil.You have nothing to worry about.

GLORIA Thank you so much, Father. You don’tknow how relieved I am.


CONTINUED: (2)



JAYThat goes double for me. Thank you,Father.

The priest exits.

JAY (CONT’D)So Manny can come home?

GLORIA Of course.

JAYAnd dinner’s on?

GLORIA Why wouldn’t it be?

Gloria heads into the house. Jay prays, looks to theheavens.

JAY(mouthing)

Thank you.

INT. CAM & MITCHELL’S HOUSE - OFFICE - DAY

Mitchell enters holding the phone.

MITCHELLGood news. Dinner’s on.

CAMHurray!

MITCHELLNo discussing wine, rugs, hell or anyof its inhabitants.

CAMI wouldn’t think of it. We certainlydon’t want to spark anymore tension orawkwardness.

Cam gestures to the computer screen.

CAM (CONT’D)Take a gander.

MITCHELLOh, wow. That looks great.

Cam clicks through a slide show of fountain pictures.


CONTINUED:



MITCHELL (CONT’D)Oh, look at Lily. She’s so adorable.The family’s gonna love these.

CAM

And you’ll be happy to know I’ve sentthe Gordons their original photograph.

MITCHELLAs you should have done in the firstplace. I’m sure they’ll love it.

CAMIt’s funny though. I checked today’se-mail with the one they gave usoriginally. It seems to be the same.

MITCHELL

You don’t say.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - PHIL & CLAIRE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Claire and Phil are in bed. Phil is sound asleep. Clairestares at the ceiling.

CLAIREPhil!

Phil startles awake.

CLAIRE (CONT’D)When do you clean the floors?

PHILWhat?

Phil clicks on his night light.

CLAIREThe kids and I have never seen youclean the floors.

PHIL

What time is it?

CLAIREI can’t sleep. Let’s talk.

PHILOkay.

CLAIREWhen do you clean them?


CONTINUED:



PHILWhat are you worried about? Thefloors stay clean, don’t they?

CLAIRE

When!

PHILI do them when no one’s around. It’seasier that way cause there’s no onearound to get in the way.

CLAIRE(nods skeptically)

So very late at night or very early inthe morning.

PHIL

You know what’s funny? I couldn’tfind the broom and dustpan yesterday

morning. I looked everywhere. Youknow where I found them? Under thecouch.

CLAIREWeird.

PHILYeah, I wonder how they got there?Maybe we have a ghost.

CLAIREDon’t even joke about that. I’m stillcreeped out about Gloria’s devil talk.

PHILIs that why you can’t sleep? Youdon’t believe in that stuff.

CLAIREIt’s not that I believe in it. It’sjust creepy.

PHILIf the devil was real, would he reallylook like the stain on that rug? Withhorns and the goatee? And the staringeyes?

CLAIRE(considers)

No. You’re right.


CONTINUED:

(MORE)



If the devil existed he would beattractive. Alluring.

PHILI guess. I was thinking he would look

like a rat monster. Or a snake. Or asnake-rat kind of creature. Let’s getsome sleep, Honey. Good night.

Phil kisses Claire, turns out his night light. Claire staresat the ceiling.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Claire sneaks downstairs, eyes the spotless floor, pulls acereal box from a cupboard, spreads cereal on the kitchentiles.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The Roomba rolls out from under the couch. Haley’s sweater,thrown on the couch, snags on the Roomba and is pulled acrossthe floor, towards the kitchen.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Claire opens the closet, removes the broom and dustpan.

She hears the low rumbling of the Roomba. She freezes.

GLORIA (V.O.)...out of this world noise...something from beyond. Like a doorto another world was opening...straight up from the bowels ofHell.

The Roomba appears, covered in Haley’s sweater.

Claire is cornered. She screams, repeatedly whacks theRoomba with the broom. Stomps on it.

The family hurries down the stairs. Phil clicks on the

lights. They all stare at the smashed Roomba and Claire, wide-eyed, crazy hair, gripping the broom.

PHILSurprise.

ALEXWhat is it?


CONTINUED: (2)CLAIRE (CONT'D)



HALEYMy sweater!

PHILIt’s a robot.

The Roomba sparks, twitches.

Luke bolts upstairs.


Jay opens the door for Cam, holding a cake, and Mitchell,carrying a laptop.

JAYHey, guys, come on in.

MITCHELLWe brought dessert.

CAMAngel food cake. My mother’s recipe.It is divine.

MITCHELLGloria is gonna love it.

Gloria steps in.

MITCHELL (CONT’D)Oh, speak of the deeeevvvvv...

GLORIA What was that?

MITCHELLI said... speaking of divine, look atthat dress!

GLORIA Oh! Thank you, Mitchell!

JAY(privately)Nice.

MITCHELLThanks.


CONTINUED:



INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

The entire family eats dessert, watches fountain photos ofCam, Mitchell and Lily on the television screen, which isconnected to a laptop on Cam’s lap.

The family compliments the photos and comment on Lily’scuteness.

A notice window pops up on the screen.

JAYWhat’s that?

CAMOh, sorry, it’s just an e-mail comingthrough.

(to Mitchell)

It’s from the Gordons.

MITCHELLWatch out. It’s got an attachment.

CAMIt’s not a virus, Mitchell, it’s aphoto file.

Cam clicks the mouse.

The photo of Cam, taken by Mr. Gordon, appears on thetelevision screen for all to see. The photo has beendigitally altered so that Cam has horns, a goatee, tail andcarries a pitchfork.

GLORIA You think that’s funny?

Gloria storms out. Jay hurries after her.

JAYGloria!

Cam studies the image.

CAMThey clearly didn’t put much time intothat.

CAM & MITCHELL INTERVIEW

CAMThe road to hell is paved with goodintentions.




MITCHELLCam didn’t mean to offend theGordon’s. He was just trying to...

Mitchell is stuck for words.

CAMI was trying to open their eyes to howgreat they could look if theyabandoned their dated hairstyles and

went more natural. My fault was innot reading them correctly. Somepeople would have really appreciated

what I did.

MITCHELLNot many.

END OF ACT THREE


CONTINUED:



TAG

INT. DUNPHY’S HOUSE - GARAGE - DAY

Phil works at fixing the Roomba. Luke enters from the house.

LUKEHey, Dad, do you think you can get it

working?

PHILI don’t know. Your mother really dida number on it.

LUKEYeah, that was funny. It was funnyhow I ran away too. I guess I wasreally tired and not thinking

straight.

PHILIt was pretty early in the morning.

The Roomba sparks. Luke runs out of the garage, out the laneand down the sidewalk.

END OF SHOW


modern family - imagery - shaun graham

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