Module 6 Unit16

Communication workshop

Writing-Events in my life

2007-11-21

A: May 24th was a bad day.

B: The day everything went wrong was

may 24th.

C: May 24th, 2005 will live in my mind

forever.

How does the writer attracts the

attention of the reader at the

beginning of the writings?

How does the writer show the order of events?

C: The day started to go wrong the

instant I left home.C: But the trouble was only just beginningC: Even then, my troubles were not over. As I got into bed, …

How does the writer use vivid

language to make the writing in

Draft 3 more interesting?

A: It was hot and tiresome.

B: The day was hot and tiring.

C: The sun was already boiling

hot…

A: Mr. fan, the English teacher, reminded

me about the… This surprised me…

B: Mr. fan, the English teacher, a large

but friendly man, gave me a nasty

surprise. He reminded me in his loud

voice that …

C: As I climbed up… , I heard a booming

voice behind me. …

C: I tried, and failed to practice

during the lunch break . The result?

I couldn’t remember any of the

poems and had to keep looking

down at my book. The more I

looked down, the redder my face

became.

C: I felt tense and dizzy. When I left

the stage people didn’t applaud very

loudly and it came as no surprise

that I was last in the competition.

Practice--Practice--Improve your writing ability, try!

请根据下述情况写一篇题为 请根据下述情况写一篇题为 ““ A terrible day in A terrible day in my life”my life”

1. 1. 时间：昨天下午放学后时间：昨天下午放学后2. 2. 地点：回家路上地点：回家路上3. 3. 人物：人物：我和同学林凯我和同学林凯4. 4. 事件：边骑车边谈笑，后追逐一辆公交车，觉得 事件：边骑车边谈笑，后追逐一辆公交车，觉得

好玩。公交车遇红灯停下，两人来不及刹车，摔倒好玩。公交车遇红灯停下，两人来不及刹车，摔倒在地。我左手臂摔断，林凯腿部受伤。在地。我左手臂摔断，林凯腿部受伤。

5. 5. 教训：严格遵守交通规则，切忌在马路上嬉笑玩耍。教训：严格遵守交通规则，切忌在马路上嬉笑玩耍。

1. Lin Kai and I were riding bikes side by side on the way home after school. We were talking and laughing loudly.

Lin Kai and I were riding bikes side by side on the way home after school, talking and laughing loudly. （用分词合并）

2. The traffic lights turned red. We found it was too late to stop the bikes.

The lights turned red, but we found it was too late to stop our bikes. （用连接词连接）

Seeing the red traffic lights, we tried to stop but it was too late. （用分词合并）

3. One’s left arm was hurt and the other’s leg was hurt too.

My left arm was broken while Lin Kai’s leg

got hurt. ( 避免用相同结构和词汇）（高级连词）

I had my left arm broken while Lin Kai got

his leg hurt. / Lin Kai was badly hurt in the leg.)

( 高级结构）We were knocked off our bikes, one with the

left arm broken, and the other with one leg hurt.

( 高级介词短语 / 独立主格结构）

4. If we don’t obey traffic rules, we might die.a. If we go against traffic rules, we might lose

our lives.

b. If we go against traffic rules, we might end up in hospital.

c. Going against traffic rules might cost us our lives.

d. Don’t risk our lives going against traffic rules. ( 多种表达）

Some of the discourse markers 并列 选择 原因 结果 时间

比较 转折 递进 举例 总结

and; as well as ; also; besides

or; either…or…; or else; otherwisebecause ; owing to; due to ;on account of ; thanks to

so ; therefore ; thus ; as a result; so …that

when ;soon after ; before; later ; first ; and then ; next ; finally; afterwards.

on the contrary ; on the other hand ; like

but ; yet; however ; although; in spite of ; instead ;

moreover ; even ; in addition; what’s more

for example/instance; such as ; that is ; namely ;in short ; in general ; generally speaking , in all, in a word ; after all

Homework

模仿 Draft 3, 改写下面短文 , 使之更具有文采和欣赏性 .

① A terrible accident happened to my classmate Lin Kai and me yesterday afternoon. ②School was over. Lin Kai and I were going home by bike. We were talking and laughing happily. ③When we saw a bus which was passing by, we started to run after it. We thought it was very interesting. ④The bus stopped when the traffic light turned red. We were very close to the bus and we couldn’t stop our bikes in time. ⑤We fell off the bikes. I broke my left arm and Lin Kai hurt his leg. ⑥So we must remember: We must obey the traffic rules and don’t play on the road, or we may lose our lives.

① A terrible accident happened to my classmate Lin Kai and me yesterday afternoon.

② School was over. Lin Kai and I were going home by bike. We were talking and laughing happily.

A terrible accident occurred to my classmate Lin Kai and me yesterday afternoon.

After school was over, Lin Kai and I were on our way home by bike, talking and laughing happily.

③ When we saw a bus which was passing by, we started to run after it. We thought it was very interesting.

④ The bus stopped when the traffic light turned red.

Seeing a passing bus, we started to chase it, thinking it great fun.

Unfortunately, the bus stopped the moment the traffic light turned red.

⑤ We were very close to the bus and we couldn’t stop our bikes in time.

⑥ We fell off the bikes. I broke my left arm and Lin Kai hurt his leg.

We were so close to the bus that we

were not able to stop our bikes in time.

As a result, we were knocked off the bikes, one with his left arm broken and the other with his leg hurt.

①A terrible accident occurred to my classmate Lin Kai and me yesterday afternoon. After school was ov②er, Lin Kai and I were heading home by bike, talking and laughing happily. ③ Seeing a passing bus, we started to chase it, thinking it was great fun. ④ Unfortunately, the bus stopped the moment the traffic light turned red.

We were⑤ so close to the bus that we were not able to stop our bikes in time. ⑥As a result, we were knocked off the bikes. I had my left arm broken while Lin Kai was badly hurt in the leg.This terrible accident will live in my mind forever. Meanwhile I also keep in mind that going against traffic rules might cost us our lives. (122 words)

提高句子档次的小结：

1. 用分词短语合并句子

用介词短语合并句子

用独立主格结构合并句子

用连接词连接句子

2. 用高级结构和词汇

3. 用定语从句、主语从句、强调句、倒装句

4. 用不同结构和词汇…