mothers: architects of society mother€¦ · mothers: architects of society mother: the first...

Tahera Mohammed H Chaudhary Tel/Fax: 02 9648 0586

20 Asquith Street, Silverwater. NSW-2128 Mobile: 0402 336 074

Mothers:

Architects

of

Society

Mother:

The first

Mentor

for a child.

When

Mothers are

not supported

society falters



When circumstances compel Mothers into performing the

duties of both a father and a mother, the franchise of

Motherhood is in crisis.

Mothers are forced into sacrificing their important role –

their role as an architect of human society.

While society is ready to acknowledge that an

imbalance in the environment leads to climate change

catastrophes, it is rarely acknowledged that an

imbalance in the role of parenting is the cause of much

chaos in the family unit which ultimately affects

societies.

In all human cultures and civilisations, the significance and importance of the family unit has constantly been emphasised. Quite often, the family unit is described as the glue which binds society together. When the family unit breaks down, the negative implications for society are many. When children are unable to look to positive parental role models, aimlessness, insularity, and depression are some of the psychological symptoms which may be exhibited. The danger of these symptoms in young children and teenagers is that they may manifest themselves in substance abuse and anti-social behaviour. The cost to society is not only emotional and psychological, but also financial, including:



Social chaos and Australian Government spending: (figures from various

sources*).

Alcohol abuse - $54 billion p.a.

Victim Compensation(domestic violence only) -65 to 80 Billion already spend

Incest ( Increasing at an epidemic rate)

Child Protection and out of home care - $2.2 billion 2008-09

AIDS, HIV, STI and other sexual dieses. e.g. Just take Chlamydia(15 year and over

-79,833 new

notifications in 2011

Depression (worse slow poison killing many-a big crime) Other psychological and social problems in children and

Government Grants

- $54 Billions spend

Teenage drug and alcohol abuse

- $85.094 Million 2004-05

- 3.2% of total ACT budget

Teenage single mothers, welfare and Social Security

- $1 Trillion spend

Obesity direct cost - $21 billion spend

Teenage violence and alcohol abuse on the streets

- Millions spend

Arsenous - Billions spend

Graffiti - $100 Millions p.a.

SUICIDES -more than 2200 suicides per year

Pressure on health system and hospital facilities. - Billions spend

Policemen leaving their jobs because of job pressure

National Child Support debt (2014) - $1,094,074,199 (Source: Google, ABC, The Australian, SMH, ABS, Couriermail.com.au )

The concerning aspect of the financial cost to society is that Governments are prepared to spend large amounts of money on ad-hoc solutions to the manifestations of the symptoms, but fail to



address the fundamental cause of the problem – the breakdown of the family unit. The fact that the importance of maintaining the family unit is sometimes lost on Governments, and more broadly, society in general, can lead to some irresponsible fathers believing that they can break the family unit without any concern for their children and without ever being questioned about the job they are leaving behind as fathers.

Some in society expect mothers to take complete responsibility for the

upbringing of their children, while fathers who have decided to leave

the family unit are not faced with any social stigmatisation.

BOYS' toys in their millions are being seized from daddy scrooges who are

snubbing their legal requirements to pay child support.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/deadbeat-parents-refusing-to-pay-child-support-have-luxury-

items

Boats, property, cars and other luxury items, luxury holidays with new partners.

Doing business in partner’s name, are the tactics used by fathers to avoid their responsibility and this

irresponsible act of crime against humanity should be immediately stopped. Instead of harassing and

putting pressure on mothers to work and 100% care for her children, government should tighten the laws

and child support agency should do more of the field work.

WHO OWES THE MOST IN CHILD SUPPORT? NSW: $324,405,528 QLD : $287,388,232 VIC : $233,266,837 WA : $134,161,496 SA : $64,596,558 TAS : $22,324,338 ACT : $14,561,254 NT : $13,369,955 National child support debt $1,094,074,199

Mothers with little children need the support of the children’s father so

that her children can be raised properly and qualitatively.

*Mothers are the silent architects of society. They are the indispensable

builders of society, who lay the foundation of confidence, faith, and

moral values in our youth. Women are bestowed with a distinct



psychological chemistry that is needed for motherhood and the healthy

development of a family.

When motherhood is removed from the social equation of societies, it

results in catastrophic consequences. In April, former United States

President, Bill Clinton, gathered an army of former presidents, state

governors, and city mayors from all fifty states of America. Their brief

was to address the most perilous problems facing American society - 15

Million young Americans who are considered at –risk youth. Colin

Powell, former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff states: " They are

at risk of growing up unskilled, or, even worse, unloved."

Fifteen million youth - all products of dysfunctional families. Every

year 3.4 million kids try drugs, and half a million attempt suicide in the

United States. In 1994, 1.2 million divorces took place in the U.S. and

experts predict that half of all new marriages would end in divorce.

Thirty-eight percent of children now live without a biological father.

6.6 million Children live with divorced single parents, mostly mothers

whose ex-husbands tend to fade away from their children. Twenty

percent of children in the United States ages 6-12 have not had a 10-

minute conversation with a parent in a month. Their conversation is

with TV, which acts as their mother, father, baby-sitter, and teacher.

By the time they are teenagers, children have seen an estimated 18,000

violent murders on TV. This is family life in USA. "Something is wrong

with the entire American family," writes Martin Marry, professor at

the University of Chicago. "One has the weird sense that America is a

country with many children but without adults."- (*Unknown writer

forwarded via email - By Adil Naved-USA)

Former Australian of the Year and ARACY Board Chair, Professor Fiona Stanley,

AC states that "While Australia's economic and technological progress has been

strong over recent decades, these benefits have not resulted in significant

improvements to the health and wellbeing of the nation's young people"

AUSTRALIA'S prosperity is masking an unpalatable truth - the health and wellbeing

of our children lag unacceptably behind those of many developed countries.

21/10 11:45,Australian IT

MENTAL health services for young people with psychosis are in a 'state of

emergency' and deliver poor and inappropriate care, causing delays and



even costing lives.

16/10 05:28,Sydney Morning Herald

There could be an 'epidemic of stillbirths' in Australia in the next few

years if the nation's obesity rate continues to soar and more women aged

over 35 have children, researchers have found.

16/10 03:52,Australian IT

The gap between rich and poor has grown in most developed countries

over the past 20 years, leading to an increase in child poverty, an

organisation of 30 leading economies says.

Mothers with committed and caring husbands can solve many problems related

to depression, anxiety, and anti-social behaviour in young children and teenagers.

Many single Mothers around the world have to struggle between commitments to

work and family. Rather than being acknowledged for their great contribution to

the human race as Mothers, women, especially single Mothers, need to work both

as a father and as a mother and a bread winner which is worse than working as a

bonded labourer. This constant juggling act, with little or no support from a

husband who has abandoned the family leads to chaos in the family unit and

human society.

Being a Mother is one of the noblest contributions that a woman can make to

civilisation. The importance of nurturing young children at home has

unfortunately turned into a commodity with single Mothers being forced to go to

work and send their children to child care facilities. Having Mothers stay at home

has many societal benefits (at least until they finish their primary schooling):

Mothers can solve bullying, depression, and many other complexes in

children.

++Mother’s lap is the first school for a child. She prepares her child to face

the world and its reality. If a Mother is able to stay at home to look after her



young children, without the added stress of part-time or full-time

employment, she can teach her children in a great deal that how to respect

others and be a good citizens. Mothers pass all the emotions and care and

soft part of the human nature through her presence, cuddles and attention.

Through her talk, through her explanations, she becomes the best teacher, a

counsellor and a psychologist for her child. This guidance prepares her

child to understand other human beings, prepares their mind and uplifts

their sprit. The child practically learns what care is all about. If this is

missing you are raising a hard hearted human being. And definitely in a

child care you will not get the kind of attention what mother can give.

++Happy Mothers at home solves the problem of unemployment:

Being at home she is creating more job opportunities for the men so they can

have stable jobs and be responsible for their role as a husband and as a father.

++Happy Mothers at home reduces carbon pollution and traffic

jams: Mothers can grow their own veggie gardens which can

produce oxygen and less consumption of canned food. (See the video of

: story of stuff by Anne Leonard, on YouTube link:http://youtu.be/gLBE5QAYXp8. or

visit www.storyofstuff.com)

It proves that how we are running out of our natural resources, and polluting our

environment. And on top of everything we are living a life of stress and

frustration. We are playing a role of a consumer rather than a mother, a father, a

farmer or a teacher.

Happy Mothers at home reduces the burden on hospitals crisis:

Healthy children from happy families don’t need hospitals, saving millions or

billions of dollars.

Happy Mothers at home lifts the burden from various and many

counselling organization run by the government:

Happy Mothers at home can assist with solving problems related to

teenage girls and boys: It reduces or solve the cases of incest by the close



family members and other sexual abuse. If children can get good care and

attention and loving upbringing at home they will not wandered around on the

streets or destroying public properties.

The former Coalition Government, led by John Howard, changed the

law for work participation of single mothers. The law was amended so

that once the youngest child of a single mother turned 6, the single

mother was compelled to look for employment. The law previously

allowed mothers to stay at home until the youngest child turned 14.

When single Mothers, who are already working hard, are forced to go to

work and neglect looking after their children, the financial cost to

society will be greater in terms of health spending on children who are

not being cared for properly.

Politician/one man’s decision can affect the whole nation especially

its impact on children and its future.

Children and mothers from violent breakups/divorces are suffering. No proper

practical laws of care and safety for these single mothers and children, and life

gets closer to death. Children grow up with low self esteem and as disheartened

and confused as one can be.

There are no limits on relationships in western societies. In Islam God says “If

you can’t do JUSTICE, then MARRY only once”. Here JUSTICE means that if

you have respect for women, you have sense of commitment, if you can provide,

and support, respect and care equally, then you are allowed to marry two or up to

four. And there is a limit but in relationships no limits, no commitment. In Islam

rights always comes with limits.

“ Respect the womb that bore you.” – Al Quran

*

In Islam, motherhood is a sacred and sacrosanct vocation,

"Paradise lies under the feet of your mother"- Prophet of

Islam Mohammed(MayAllah’s peace and mercy be upon

him)



are the glowing terms with which Prophet described a mother's status.

Motherhood is not a thankless mundane activity, rather it is a spiritual

journey, wherein every bit of sacrifice will be acknowledged and

rewarded. The Holy Qur'ân states: "If any do deeds of

righteousness, be it male or female - and have faith, they will

enter paradise and not the least injustice will be done to

them.”*

By – *Unknown writer (received via email by Mr. ADIL

Naved-USA)

Ms. TAHERA CHAUDHARY (AUSTRALIA)

Recommendations:

1. Policies and actions for reducing the divorce rate.

a. No sexual relationships, only committed marriages, safety for women and good

future for our children.

b. If Australian government is against four marriages in Islam, then they must not allow one man having unlimited relationships? Leaving several women as single mothers and many children without father, without support, no care not even fundamental right to have proper peaceful upbringing as a human child. Children growing up in different foster cares with no stability. Worst killed abused and molested by step parents.

c. If man can support, he should be allowed to marry more than one wife. Only if he

can be JUST, RESPECTFUL, RESPONSIBLE for his wives and children (they can follow the available guidance in Islamic Laws, on having more than one wife). E.g. if he buys something for his wife #1 and children then he has to buy similar things for wife #2 and her children.

d. Strict check on relationship history on a person when someone wants to marry the

person he/she interested in. Checks like how many relationship person already have and number of children per relationship. Child support payment status, violence history.

e. Single sex schools and colleges. So girls can get properly educated without

becoming teenage single mums and complete their education. And boys can also



get proper education and skills so they can have family and able to take care of their family with stability.

f. Complete ban on alcohol. As said, “Culture which destroys the culture and its

people to extinction then it is not a good culture”.

2. In case if divorce happens.

a. Immediately after divorce mother should be supported financially and

emotionally so in return she can resettle and restart her life with her children.

b. Instead of first handling kid’s custody issue, court must give the priority to check that mothers with children are properly sheltered and have basic needs available. Minimum or no disturbance to children relocation and sudden change and several difficulties at once can have long lasting impact on child’s mind and life. This way government don’t have to spend on child’s future counselling and rehabilitation costs.

c. Children stays with the mother as only mother can provide emotional,

psychological and physical care to the child. After certain age, children should have ongoing relationships with the father as well.

d. If parent or fathers have violence/drug/sexual abuse history, extreme care should be taken while handling the custody issues for the children. Children should be only allowed when it is safe and when they can protect themselves, or understand clearly what is bad or harmful for them (when they become teenage etc).

e. Child development related issues will minimise when children are getting

proper attention and care from their mother. Problems like ADHD and other psychological disorders in children can be avoided.

f. Single mothers with young children should not be forced to report every fortnight for work participation. Instead mothers should be submitting their kid’s health and education records quarterly, like child’s weight and height,



IBM, school reports and progress etc. Until child reaches the age of 14years, mother should be not force to work.

(One theory that supports environmental causes of developmental disorders

is one that involves stress in early childhood. Researcher and child

psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D, theorizes that developmental

disorders can be caused by early childhood traumatisation.[11]

In his works

he compares developmental disorders in traumatized children to adults

with post-traumatic stress disorder, linking extreme environmental stress to

the cause of developmental difficulties.[11]

Other stress theories suggest that

even small stresses can accumulate to result in emotional, behavioural, or

social disorders in children.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_disorder).

g. Father if alive to provide staying and proper maintenance of the mother

and children until children become independent.

h. Father should avoid getting married if he can’t support two families or another set of children.

i. Reform of Child Support Agency: Immediate changes in laws, where father are not allowed to show bankruptcy and start business in third person’s name. Strict actions, strict scrutiny should be done into their business and criminal charges to be laid for such crimes against humanity. Crime where they affect their children’s early childhood and beginning. Crime, because children with struggling single mothers, start their lives in total chaos and with instability. Crime, because children miss on normal happy childhood experience. Crime, because, children this way learn to cheat system and disrespect women, if we don’t stop this then crime keeps flourishing by killing humanity.

j. Mother should avoid getting married again immediately, especially if she

got very young children to take care of. New marriage might divert her attention towards these children or she might get aggressive or unloving new husband, worse aggressive step father for her children. History check on person can help her find the right husband. These precautions can

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_D._Perry

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_disorder#cite_note-Perry.2C_Bruce_D_2006.2C_p.2-10

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_disorder#cite_note-Perry.2C_Bruce_D_2006.2C_p.2-10

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_disorder



avoid trauma to children’s life, who are already struggling to understand life with no stability.

3. Help families to be self sufficient and stable:

a. Mortgages are killing families and destabilising our children.

Both the parents need to work to pay their mortgage.

Interest free housing loans, so people can have roof over

their heads for their family and can have some peaceful

time with family and children. So only father have to work

and mother can take care of her young children and her

house and can prepare healthy meals and raise healthy

happy family.

-Workplace stress is causing Australia around $43billion per yea, and

one holiday per week per worker.

Working mothers can never give 100% both to her family and work.

And most importantly to her mental and physical health and that can

even affect the mental and physical health of her children, putting

pressure on health system of Australia. This is again costing trillions of

dollars to economy.

b. Removal of extra overheads like registration of cars should

be after every five or ten years instead of every year, one

simple refundable insurance policy for everything.

c. Removing of unnecessary overheads, so people can be

self sufficient and can support their families with peace of

mind. Almost half of individual income goes to various

kinds of insurance which you will not get back.

d. Hoarders of wealth should be taxed heavily. Like people

who have got many properties, should share with others.



e. Rents for leasing should be set by the government as per

present financial situation of the economy. So landlords

can’t take advantage of the crisis.

f. Free funeral land, so at least we can say that this was our

country where we rest in peace without any loan or worse

funeral loan.

(Recommendation based on Islamic Jurisdictions, values and

principles– Islamic law which are designed by God Almighty

creator of the universe and of Mankind. For more details read

Islamic laws refer to Al- Quran and authentic narrations of

Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him).

The #1 most important finding from the Grant Study is this: “The seventy-

five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points to

a straightforward five-word conclusion: Happiness is love. Full stop.”

75 Years In The Making: Harvard Just Released Its Epic Study On What Men Need To Live A Happy Life by FEELguide • April 29, 2013 • Books, Health, Psychology, Science, Spirituality • Comments (0) • 624523

From this article…..

In 1938 Harvard University began following 268 male undergraduate students and kicked off the longest-

running longitudinal studies of human development in history. The study’s goal was to determine as best as

possible what factors contribute most strongly to human flourishing. The astonishing range of

psychological, anthropological, and physical traits — ranging from personality type to IQ to drinking habits

to family relationships to “hanging length of his scrotum” — indicates just how exhaustive and quantifiable

the research data has become. Recently, George Vaillant, who directed the study for more than three

decades, published the study’s findings in the 2012 book Triumphs of Experience (Amazon) and the

following is the book’s synopsis:

“At a time when many people around the world are living into their tenth decade, the longest longitudinal

study of human development ever undertaken offers some welcome news for the new old age: our lives

continue to evolve in our later years, and often become more fulfilling than before. Begun in 1938, the

Grant Study of Adult Development charted the physical and emotional health of over 200 men, starting with

their undergraduate days. The now-classic ‘Adaptation to Life’ reported on the men’s lives up to age 55

and helped us understand adult maturation. Now George Vaillant follows the men into their nineties,

documenting for the first time what it is like to flourish far beyond conventional retirement. Reporting on all

aspects of male life, including relationships, politics and religion, coping strategies, and alcohol use (its

abuse being by far the greatest disruptor of health and happiness for the study’s subjects), ‘Triumphs of

Experience’ shares a number of surprising findings. For example, the people who do well in old age did not

necessarily do so well in midlife, and vice versa. While the study confirms that recovery from a lousy

http://www.feelguide.com/2013/04/29/75-years-in-th-making-harvard-just-released-its-epic-study-on-what-men-require-to-live-a-happy-life/



http://www.feelguide.com/author/feelguide/

http://www.feelguide.com/category/books/

http://www.feelguide.com/category/health/

http://www.feelguide.com/category/psychology/

http://www.feelguide.com/category/science/

http://www.feelguide.com/category/spirituality/

http://www.feelguide.com/2013/04/29/75-years-in-th-making-harvard-just-released-its-epic-study-on-what-men-require-to-live-a-happy-life/#respond

https://www.google.ca/search?q=george+vaillant&rlz=1C5CHFA_enCA503CA504&aq=f&oq=george+vaillant&aqs=chrome.0.57j0l3j62l2.3621j0&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

http://www.amazon.ca/Triumphs-Experience-Harvard-Grant-Study/dp/0674059824



childhood is possible, memories of a happy childhood are a lifelong source of strength. Marriages bring

much more contentment after age 70, and physical aging after 80 is determined less by heredity than by

habits formed prior to age 50. The credit for growing old with grace and vitality, it seems, goes more to

ourselves than to our stellar genetic makeup.”

As you can imagine, the study’s discoveries are bountiful, but the most significant finding of all is that

“Alcoholism is a disorder of great destructive power.” In fact, alcoholism is the single strongest cause of

divorce between the Grant Study men and their wives. Alcoholism was also found to be strongly coupled

with neurosis and depression (which most often follows alcohol abuse, rather than preceding it). Together

with cigarette smoking, alcoholism proves to be the #1 greatest cause of morbidity and death. And above a

certain level, intelligence doesn’t prevent the damage.

With regards to income, there was no noticeable difference in maximum income earned by men with IQs in

the 110-115 range vs. men with IQs above 150. With regards to sex lives, one of the most fascinating

discoveries is that aging liberals have way more sex. Political ideology had no bearing on overall life

satisfaction, but the most conservative men on average shut down their sex lives around age 68, while the

most liberal men had healthy sex lives well into their 80s. Vaillant writes, “I have consulted urologists

about this, they have no idea why it might be so.”

In Triumphs of Experience, Vaillant raises a number of factors more often than others, but the one he refers

to most often is the powerful correlation between the warmth of your relationships and your health and

happiness in your later years. In 2009, Vaillant’s insistance on the importance of this part of the data was

challenged, so Vaillant returned to the data to be sure the finding merited such important focus. Not only

did Vaillant discover that his focus on warm relationships was warranted, he placed even more importance

on this factor than he had previously. Vallant notes that the 58 men who scored highest on the

measurements of “warm relationships” (WR) earned an average of $141,000 a year more during their peak

salaries (between ages 55-60) than the 31 men who scored the lowest in WR. The high WR scorers were

also 3-times more likely to have professional success worthy of inclusion in Who’s Who.

One of the most intriguing discoveries of the Grant Study was how significant

men’s relationships with their mothers are in determining their well-being in life.

For instance, Business Insider writes: “Men who had ‘warm’ childhood

relationships with their mothers took home $87,000 more per year than men

whose mothers were uncaring. Men who had poor childhood relationships with

their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia when old. Late in their

professional lives, the men’s boyhood relationships with their mothers — but not

their fathers — were associated with effectiveness at work. On the other hand,

warm childhood relations with fathers correlated with lower rates of adult

anxiety, greater enjoyment on vacations, and increased ‘life satisfaction’ at age

75 — whereas the warmth of childhood relationships with mothers had no

significant bearing on life satisfaction at 75.”

In Vallant’s own words, the #1 most important finding from the Grant Study is this: “The seventy-five years

and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points to a straightforward five-word conclusion:

Happiness is love. Full stop.” You can purchase your own copy of Triumphs of Experience by visiting

Amazon.

More than 1 million Australian children affected by the drinking of parents or carers AM Updated 24 Feb 2015, 11:54am

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-02-24/children-impacted-by-alcohol-abuse/6242804

http://www.businessinsider.com/grant-study-reveals-what-makes-us-happy-2013-4

http://www.amazon.ca/Triumphs-Experience-Harvard-Grant-Study/dp/0674059824

http://www.abc.net.au/am



Compiled by : Tahera Chaudhary

Edited by : Yusuf Khan

Compiled during: 2008 to 2015

mothers: architects of society mother€¦ · mothers: architects of society mother: the first...

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