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MISTER ROBERTS

#01258

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SAILOR #1Now hear this. Now hear this.Reveille. I repeat, reveille.

Attention all hands. Because anothercigarette butt has been found in thecontainer of the captains palm tree,there will be no movies again tonight.That is all.

DOWDY All right, hit the deck. Rise andshine. Greet the new day. Off yourhock and grab your sock. Reveille.Reveille.

INSIGNIAOkay, Chief. You done your duty. Nowget your big fat can outta here.

SAILOR #2Now hear this. Now hear this. C andE and S divisions and all pharmacistsmates will air bedding today.Positively.

DOCThat you, Doug?

ROBERTSOh, Doc, whatre you doin up soearly?

DOCWell, I heard you were workin cargotoday, so I thought Id get ready.Days when theres any work to be done,I can always count on a big turnout atsick call.

ROBERTSOh, yeah.

DOCI attract some very rare diseases oncargo day. That day when they knewyou had five ships to load I wasgreeted with six more cases ofberiberi. Double beriberi this time.So help me, Im going down to theships library and throw that old copyof Moby Dick overboard.

ROBERTS

Whatre you giving em these days fordouble beriberi?

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DOC Aspirin, what else? Something wrong,Doug?

ROBERTSNaw.

DOCOh, we missed you when you went on

watch last night. I gave young EnsignPulver another drink of alcohol andorange juice and it inspired him torelate further amorous feats of his.

ROBERTSDid he tell you about the time heoverwhelmed a forty-five year oldmaiden by the simple tactic of beingthe first man in her life to ask her adirect question?

DOCNo, but some of the things he related

positively bordered on thesupernatural. I dont know what to doabout young Pulver. Perhaps I shouldreport his record to the AmericanMedical Association, hmm? Hey, thereis something wrong, isnt there?

ROBERTSIve been up all night, Doc.

DOCYeah? Whats the matter? What is it?

ROBERTS

I saw something last night that justabout knocked me out.

DOCWhat happened?

ROBERTSI was up on the bridge. I was juststanding there looking out to sea. Icouldnt bear to look at that islandany more. All of a sudden I noticedsomething. Little black speckscrawling across the horizon. I lookedthrough the glasses and it was a

formation of our ships that stretchedfor miles!(MORE)

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ROBERTS (CONTD)Carriers and battleships and cans, awhole task force, Doc.

DOCWhy didnt you break me out. Ivenever seen a battleship.

ROBERTS

They came on and passed within a halfa mile of that reef. Carriers so bigthey blacked out half the sky.Battlewagons sliding along, deadquiet. I could see the men on thebridges. And this is what knocked meout, Doc. Somehow I thought I was onthose bridges. I thought I was ridingwest across the Pacific. I watchedem till they were out of sight, Doc,and I was right there on those bridgesall the time.

DOC

Yeah, I know how that must of hurt,Doug.

ROBERTS And then I looked down from our bridgeand saw our captains palm tree. Ourtrophy for superior achievement! The

Admiral John J. Finchley award fordelivering more toothpaste and toiletpaper than any other Navy cargo shipin the safe area of the Pacific! Readthis, Doc, see how it sounds.

DOC

What is it?

ROBERTSMy application for transfer. Ivebeen rewriting it ever since I got offmy watch last night.

DOCNot another one?

ROBERTSThis ones different. Im tryingsomething new, a stronger working.Read it carefully.

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DOCFrom Lieutenant J.G. Douglas Roberts,to Bureau of Naval Personnel. Sixteen

April, Nineteen forty-five. Subject:change of duty, request for -- Boy,this is sheer poetry.

ROBERTSGo on, Doc.

DOCFor two years and four months I haveserved aboard this vessel as cargoofficer. I feel that my continuedservice aboard can only reduce myusefulness to the Navy and increasedisharmony aboard his ship.

ROBERTSHow about that?

DOCIt is therefore urgently requested

that I be ordered to combat duty,preferably aboard a destroyer.

ROBERTSWhat do you say, Doc? Ive got achance, havent I?

DOCListen, Doug, youve been sending in aletter every week for goodness knowshow long.

ROBERTSNot like this one.

DOC And ever week the captain screams likea stuck pig, disapproves your letterand forwards it by plane.

ROBERTSThats my point, Doc. He does forwardit. Just because --

ROBERTSDoug, look, look. The captain of aNavy ship is the most absolute monarchleft in this world.

ROBERTSI know that.

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DOCIf he endorsed any of your lettersapproved, your orders would comethrough like that. But disapproved,you havent a prayer. Youre stuck onthis old bucket. Face it.

ROBERTSWell, its still a change, Doc. Its

still a chance.ROBERTS

Im sorry you ever saw that taskforce, Doug. Well, Ive got to godown to my hypochondriacs.

DOWDYGood morning, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSMorning, Dowdy.

DOWDY

Its even hotter up here than it isdown in that mess hall. Ahh. Look atthe cruddy island, smell it. Its sohot it already smells like a hog pen.Think well get out of here today,sir?

ROBERTSI dont know, Dowdy. We got threeL.C.M.s coming alongside for supplies.Getting up yet?

DOWDYYeah, theyre starting to stumble

around down there, the poor punch-drunk -- Mister Roberts, whenre yougoing to the captain again and ask himto give this crew a liberty? Theseguys aint been off this ship for overa year, except on duty.

ROBERTSDowdy, the last time I asked thecaptain was last night.

DOWDYWhatd he say?

ROBERTSHe said no!

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DOWDYWe gotta get these guys ashore.Theyre going Asiatic. Will you seehim again, anyhow, Mister Roberts?Just once more?

ROBERTSYou know I will, Dowdy. In themeantime, have Dolan type that up for

me, will yuh?DOWDY

Oh, your letter. Yes, sir.

SAILOR #1Now hear this. Now hear this.Sweepers, man your brooms. Give her aclean sweepdown fore and aft. Sweepdown all ladders and all passageways.Do not throw trash over the fantail.

SAILOR #2Now, sick call will commence

immediately.DOC

Now.

REBERSay, Doc, when I woke up this morning,I , I - -

DOC And remembered you were working cargo.Continue.

REBER

Honest, Doc, I, I couldnt evenstraighten up. I, I guess its theold appendix again, huh, Doc?

DOCHeh, that appendix of yours certainlygets around, Reber. Now its on thewrong side. Two aspirin, mark forduty. Next.

REBER Aspirin? For a floating appendix,Doc?

DOCYeah. Its the latest thing. Illhave one with you. Next. Well, wheredo you hurt?

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WILEYIts my head, Doc. Its my head.

DOCDizzy?

WILEYOh, yeah, its, er, terrible.

DOCRinging in your ears?

WILEYWhy, I mean its all the time, Doc.

DOCLike bells?

WILEYThats it, Doc, like bells. Huh. Thedoc!

DOC

How do they go, er, dong dong, dingding, or ding dong? Its important.

WILEYEr, ding, er, dong?

DOCNo.

WILEYDong ding?

DOCNo second guessing. Er, too bad.

Should go dong dong. One aspirin.Mark for duty. Next.

SAILOR #3There is now available at the shipsstore a small supply of peanutbrittle. Ships store will be openfrom thirteen hundred to thirteenfifteen.

DOWDYInsignia, I got a real special job foryou. You stay right here and cleanthese binoculars for the bridge.

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INSIGNIAIm gonna work up forward, Chief. Idont wanta be around this crud --Mannion.

MANNIONYeah, Chief, take Insignia with you.

INSIGNIA

Aw, get lost!MANNION

You dirty --

DOWDYCut it out, both of you! Im tired ofyou two bellyaching. Now go on, getscrapin.

INSIGNIAHey, Stef, which end of thesevernaculas you supposed to lookthrough? Huh?

STEFANOWSKIWell, er, I guess its optional,Insignia. Depends on what sizeeyeball you got.

MANNIONHey, er, what time would it be in SanFrancisco?

WILEY About Midnight last night.

LINDSTROM

Midnight last night?

INSIGNIAHey, the Japs musta took over thatisland. Theres a red and white flagon that new building.

MANNIONJaps? We aint been within fivethousand miles of any Japs. Japs.You hear that, Wiley?

WILEYSmart, aint he?

MANNIONYeah. Thats a hospital flag.

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INSIGNIAHey, Stef. Hey, they got a fancybuilding on that island. Yeah. Yeah,they got big windows and -- holy cow!Holy cotty-cow! They got nurses onthat island! The nurse, shes takinga shower! The third window! Yeah,look. Look, second story. Secondstory, see, shes a blonde. See.

INSIGNIAGet off my back.

INSIGNIA Aw, knock it off.

STEFANOWSKII never seen such a beautiful girl.

MANNIONShes sure taking a long time in thatshower.

WILEYYeah, honey. Come on over here by thewindow.

LINDSTROMHow do you use this thing?

WILEYOh. Oh, theres another one over bythe wash basin taking a shampoo. Aw,shes got a bathrobe on.

MANNIONWhat a stupid way to take a shampoo

with a bathrobe.

INSIGNIAWhats stupid about it? You think shewants to -- wow!

LINDSTROMPlease, fellas, come on.

STEFANOWSKIDidnt I tell you she was beautiful?

INSIGNIAYeah, man.

LINDSTROMI cant even see the island.

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INSIGNIA Aw, so long, blondie.

WILEY Aw, there goes the other one.

MANNIONImagine that pig not taking a shower?

INSIGNIA Aw, come on, girls. Whos next?

LINDSTROMIm getting it. Im getting it.Yeah, but there aint no one in therenow.

WILEYHey, here you are, Swede, try mine.They must think we got nothing betterto do than stand here. You seeanything, Swede?

LINDSTROMNo, you been panting on the lens.

INSIGNIA Aw, these glasses is gettin heavy.

STEFANOWSKIYeah, were wasting man power. Letstake turns, okay?

MANNIONYeah, yeah, Ill take the first watch.

INSIGNIA

Sure. Okay.

LINDSTROMLook, there goes a seagull.

MANNIONAw.

WILEYHey, lemme have a look there, willyou? Flash red!

INSIGNIASee anything, Mannion?

STEFANOWSKITheyre gone.

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INSIGNIAWhy you dirty, miserable, cheat.

MANNION Aw, its too bad. There were three ina minute ago. One just about to take--

INSIGNIA

Why you dirty, lowdown, peeping tom!MANNION

Who is a peeping tom?

INSIGNIANo wonder you aint got a friend onthis ship.

WILEY Aw, fellas, fellas. Break it up.Come on.

BOYS

Come on, break it up. Break it up.Shut up!

ROBERTSBreak i t up. Break i t up. Come o nnow, boys. Insignia, did you hear me,knock it off!

DOWDYWiley, get outta here. Get outtahere.

ROBERTSDrop that hammer and --

INSIGNIAIll kill him, do you hear me, Illkill him! Crud.

ROBERTS All right, get below, all of you.Souse your heads.

CAPTAINHold it right there, mister. Whatsthat man doing on deck without ashirt?

ROBERTSI was just speaking to him about that,Captain.

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CAPTAINI want that man put on report. Idont want no one on deck without ashirt. Is that clearly understood?

ROBERTS All right, all right, keep your shirton. All of you.

DOWDYYou seen that, sir. Last night downin the compartment, I stopped three ofthem fights worse than that. Theygotta have a liberty, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSYeah, they sure do. Dowdy, call aboat for me, will you? Im goingashore.

DOWDYWhatta you gonna do?

ROBERTSI just got a new angle.

DOWDYYoure not going over the captainshead?

ROBERTSNo, Im going around his end, I hope.Get the lead out, Dowdy.

PULVERIf I could be with you one hourtonight/ if I were free to do the

things I might/ Im telling you trueId be anything but blue/ if I couldbe with you. Hey, whats new, Dougboy?

ROBERTS Aw, Im gonna take a launch over tothe island.

PULVEROver to the island? Hey, er, howdyou like some company, Doug? Ill goget some aspirin for Doc, you know, atthe new hospital theyre starting to

build. Whats the matter?

ROBERTSWhy, Frank Thurlowe Pulver --

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PULVERHuh?

ROBERTSDo you mean to say youd be willing tounglue yourself from that sack for thepurpose of doing a favor for someoneelse?

PULVEROh, now lets just not have any moreof that usual attitude toward Pulverboy. I said one simple thing, Id beperfect --

ROBERTSOkay, Frank, okay. Hurry up.

PULVERWell, okay. Yeah, yeah, just in case,Pulver boy, just in case. If I couldbe with you one hour tonight. Seeyou later, Doug boy.

ROBERTSOkay.

PULVERIf I could be with you/ Id love youstrong/ if I could be with you/ Idlove you long/ I want you to know/that I wouldnt go/ until I told you,honey,/ why I love you so.

PULVEROh, if I could be with you one hourtonight/ if I were free to do the

things I might/ Im telling you true/Id be anything but blue/ if I, if Icould be with you. Ho, ho.

MIRIAMHey.

PULVER Ah, welcome aboard.

BUNNYOh, my goodness. Attention!

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PULVERWell, this is gonna be all right.Yeah -- why, er, you girls just got inhere, huh? Where you from? No, donttell me. Lemme guess. Hey, how manyof you girls are there?

NURSE #1Captain, a-arent you gonna answer our

salute?PULVER

Answer? Well, sure, yeah. If itllmake you feel any happier. Yeah.

MIRIAMWe thought maybe we were doing itwrong, Captain. You see, we haventhad much experience.

PULVERWell, thats wonderful.

NURSE #2Is that your battleship in the harbor,Captain?

PULVEREr, er, er, not exactly. No.

ANNIs there anything you want? I mean,anything in particular?

PULVEREr, no. Er, nothing, er, I can thinkof. In particular. Oh, a-aspirin.

What am I saying. Aspirin. I got arequisition right here. Aspirin righthere.

ANN All right, right this way. Get backto work, men.

PULVERCarry on there, men. I, er -- youknow Im actually not Captain of that

A.K. out there.

ANN

Oh, no kidding?

PULVERIm er, the exec.

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ANNCertainly must have an awful lot ofB.F.s.

PULVERWho me? What you mean be -- me?

ANNBattle fatigue with all this aspirin.

PULVEROh.

ANNSeen a lot of action?

PULVERWell, I, er, sure as heck havent seenmuch action this past year. You meanbattle action. Well, er, I got alittle shrapnel in my left leg butits -- oh, it gives me a twinge nowand then, thats all.

ANNWell, I hear that Scotch workswonders.

PULVERYou like Scotch?

ANNI was acquiring the taste for itbefore they shipped us out. Heresyour aspirin.

PULVER

Well. Er, thanks. Would, would you,er, like to come out to the ship thisafternoon?

ANNSorry.

PULVERCause, er, it just so happens I havea bottle of Red Label in my cabin.

ANNHave the shoreboat at the dock ateighteen hundred minus ten.

PULVEROh, ho, will I. Eighteen hundredminus ten. Lets see, twelve,nineteen is six, itd b e - -

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ANNIts ten minutes to six.

PULVERYeah. Oh, I see I caught yourinterest. I, well, I, I dont wantthese other girls to hear, but if youwere to come over alone this afternoon--

DOLANHeres your letter, Mister Roberts. Ityped it up. Just sign your old JohnHenry here and Ill take it to thecaptain. Then hold your ears. MisterRoberts. Oh, its only you, EnsignPulver. What are you doing in MisterRoberts locker?

PULVERTheres a shoe box in there somewhere,Dolan. I cant find it. Well, I betsomeone stole it, thats all. Theres

just nothing theyll stop at. Brokenright into the sanctity of a mans ownlocker.

DOLANAint Mister Roberts back from theisland yet?

PULVERYeah. No. I dunno.

DOLANWell, as soon as he gets back have himsign this baby.

PULVERWhat is it?

DOLANWhat is it? Its the best letterMister Roberts writ yet. Its gonnablow the old man right through theoverhead. This letters liable to gethim transferred.

PULVERLemme see that.

DOLANGet a load of this line right here.

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PULVERIncrease disharmony aboard thisship?

DOLANAint that a kick? Oh, I cant waitto jab this baby in the old mansface. You know how he gets sick tohis stomach when he gets extra mad at

Mister Roberts.PULVER

Yeah.

DOLANHuh, when I deliver this letter, Imgonna take along a waste basket. Letme know when Mister Roberts gets back.

PULVERMm-hm. Well, he must be --

ROBERTS

It was the most vicious fight you eversaw in your life. And after Dowdy andI broke up the fight, I figured I hadto do something and do it right away.Hey, Frank, Dolan been in here with myletter?

PULVERI, er, dont know, er, Doug boy, Ijust came in here myself.

DOCDoug, you dont know anyone on thatisland, do you?

ROBERTSYeah, the port director. The guy whodecides where to send this ship next.

A liberty port for instance. Dowdytipped me off he used to drink a quartof Scotch every day of his life.

PULVERDoug, you didnt give that, that shoebox to that port director?

ROBERTSI did. Compliments of the captain.

DOCYou been hoarding a quart of Scotch ina shoe box?

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ROBERTSI was gonna break it out the day I getoff this ship. Resurrection day.

PULVERYou wasted that bottle of Scotch on,on a man?

ROBERTS

Will you name me another sex within athousand miles? Whats eating youanyway, Frank?

DOCWell, look at the fancy pillows.Somebodys expecting company?

ROBERTSGood Lord!

DOCToujours lamour. Souvenir of SanDiego. Oh you kid.

ROBERTSTonight or never. Compliments of the

American Harvester Company. We plowdeep while others sleep. Doc, thatnew hospital hasnt got nurses, hasit?

DOCIt didnt have yesterday.

PULVERIt does today.

BLOCK OF TEXT ILLEGIBLE

ROBERTSIm sorry, Frank.

PULVEROh, yeah, youre sorry.

ROBERTSReally sorry. Your first assignmentin a year.

PULVERI was gonna bring her right here. Had

all my old pillows out. Slip her acouple of double-slugs of Scotch andmm-hm. Without that Scotch shewouldnt. She just wouldnt, thatsall.

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ROBERTSDoc, lets make some Scotch.

DOCScotch?

ROBERTS As Naval officers were suppose to beresourceful. Frank heres got a great

opportunity and I

ve let him down.Lets fix him up.

DOCRight. Frank, wheres the rest ofthat alcohol we were drinking lastnight?

PULVERWell, now, that aint even the rightcolor.

DOCQuiet, boy. Color. Coke. Have you

got any?ROBERTS

I havent seen a Coke in four months._________ in five months.

PULVEROh.

DOCOh, oh.

PULVERI forgot I had it.

DOCEr, what shade would you like?

PULVERShade?

DOCEr, pale, smoky?

PULVEROh, Whats the color of Red Label.

DOC

Red Label?

ROBERTSRed Label!

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PULVERYeah, well, it may look like it, itsure wont taste like it.

ROBERTSDoc. What does Scotch taste like?

DOCOh, it tastes like, er, er --

ROBERTSYou know what its always tasted alittle like to me? Iodine.

DOCOf course. One drop of iodine fortaste.

PULVERLemme try that.

DOCThis calls for a medical opinion.

PULVERHow about it?

DOCWere on the right track. Now we needa little extra something for age.What have you got there, Doug?

ROBERTSSeltzer, bismo... fruit salts, hairtonic.

DOC

Hair tonic. Thats got a coal tarbase. One drop o hair tonic for age.Thatll age the daylights out of it.Thats it.

ROBERTSYou know, it does taste a little likeScotch.

DOCDo you know, it does.

PULVERSmooth! That dumb little blondell

never know the difference.

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DOC All right, Frank, Doug and I made theScotch, the nurse is your department.

PULVER Ah, she wont know the difference/she wont know the difference. Thankyou, Doc. Shell never know thedifference. Oh, you wont know the

difference, will you, baby? No, youwont. Oh, no, you wont. Heh.Thank you, Doc. Thanks, Doug. Gee,you guys are wonderful to me.

ROBERTS Aw, dont mention it, Frank. I thinkyou almost deserve it.

PULVERYou do really? Or are you just givingme the ol needle again? Wh-what doyou really think of me, Doug?Honestly?

ROBERTSFrank, I like you. Theres no gettingaround the fact youre a real likeableguy.

PULVERYeah, yeah.

ROBERTSBut --

PULVERBut what?

ROBERTSWell, I also think youre the mosthapless, lazy, disorganized and ingeneral, the most lecherous personIve ever known in my life.

PULVERI am not!

ROBERTSYoure not what?

PULVER

Im not disorganized, for one thing.

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ROBERTSHave you ever in your life finishedone thing you started out to do? Yousleep sixteen hours a day. Youpretend you want me to improve yourmind, youve never finished one bookIve given you to read.

PULVER

I finished God

s Little Acre, Dougboy.

ROBERTSI didnt give you that. Hes beenreading Gods Little Acre for over ayear now. Hes underlined everyerotic passage and added exclamationpoints. And after a certainpornographic climax, hes inserted thewords, Well written! Youre thelaundry and morale officer. I doubtif youve ever seen the laundry.

PULVERI was down there only last week.

ROBERTS And youre scared of the captain.

PULVERI am not scared of the captain.

ROBERTSThen why do you hide in the passagewayever time you see him coming? Yourescared of him.

PULVERI am not! Im scared of myself. Imscared of what I might do to him.

ROBERTSWhat you might do to him. Doc, helies in his sack all day long, boresme silly with great moronic plotsagainst the captain. Hes nevercarried out one of em.

PULVERI havent, huh?

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ROBERTSNo, Frank, you havent. Whateverhappened to those marbles you weregonna put in the captains overhead,so theyd roll around all night andkeep him awake?

PULVERNow youve gone too far. Now youve

asked for it. What does that looklike? Five marbles. Got another onein my pocket. Six marbles. Imlookin for marbles all day long!

ROBERTSFrank, you asked me what I thought ofyou, well, Ill tell you. The day youfinish one thing youve started out todo, the day you actually put thosemarbles in the captains overhead andthen have the guts to knock on hisdoor and say: Captain, I put thosemarbles there. Thats the day Ill

have some respect for you. Thats theday Ill look up to you as a man.Okay?

PULVEROkay.

ROBERTSWheres Dolan with my letter? Imgonna go find him.

PULVERNow wait a minute, Doug. Listen. I,I wouldnt send a letter like that in

if I were you, boy. Youre gonna getyourself in trouble, sayin thingslike disharmony aboard this ship.Er, you know, if you did saydisharmony or harmony, or anything.

ROBERTSWheres that letter?

PULVERWell, I dont know, Doug boy. Oh.

ROBERTSWhats the big idea?

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PULVERI just wanted to talk to you beforeyou signed it. Please dont sign thatletter, Doug, now, please dont.Theyll transfer you, youll get yourcan shot off, boy! Doc, will you tellhim what you were tellin me lastnight about how stupid he is?

ROBERTSYes, Doc, maybe youd like to tell meto my face.

DOCYes, I would. You are stupid, Doug,and I can prove it. You quit medicalschool just to get into this thingwhen you could be saving lives today.Why?

ROBERTSHas it ever occurred to you that theguys who are fighting this war might

also be saving lives? Yours and mine,for instance. And right now Idrather practice that kind of medicine,Doctor!

DOCWell, right now, thats exactly whatyoure doing.

ROBERTS Are you kidding!

DOCLook, whether you like it or not, this

sorry old bucket does a necessary job. And youre the guy who keeps herlumbering along. You know, it couldbe that right here on this bucketyoure deeper and more truly in thiswar than youd ever --

ROBERTSDoc, in a minute youll start quotingRalph Waldo Emerson.

DOCThats a lousy thing to say.

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ROBERTSWeve got nothing to do with the war.Maybe thats why were on this ship.Because were not good enough tofight. Because our glands dontsecrete enough adrenalin, or ourgreat-great grandmothers were afraidof the dark or something.

DOCWhat is it you want to be, Doug, ahero?

ROBERTSHero? Doc, you havent heard a wordIve said. Look, Doc, the wars wayout there and Im here. Well, I dontwanta be here, I wanta be out there.Im sick and tired of being a lousyspectator. I just happen to believein this thing and I wanta feel Imgood enough to be in it!

DOCGood enough? Doug, youre goodenough! Its just that you haventthe opportunity. Thats mostly whatmakes physical heroism, opportunity.Its a reflex. I think that seventy-five out of a hundred young males havethat reflex. You take any one ofthem, say, even Frank Thurlowe Pulverhere -- put him into a B-29 overJapan, do you know what youd have?

ROBERTSNo, I dont, Doctor.

DOCYoud have Pulver, the CongressionalMedal of Honor winner. Pulver, whosingle-handedly shot down twenty-threeattacking Zeros. Pulver, who with hisbare hands held together the severedwing struts of his plane and with hisbare feet successfully landed hismortally wounded plane on his homefield! Reflex. Its like the kneejerk. Strike the patella tendon ofany human being and you produce theknee jerk. Look.

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DOCNo, it looks like a piece of string.

PULVERUh-huh. Well, you just wait till oldPulver gets through with it. Boy, Iam gonna get me some black powder fromthat gunners mate and Im gonna --oh, no. No, sir, this is not gonna be

any peanut of a firecracker. I

mgonna pack that thing solid with thatstuff they use to blow up bridges,fulminate of mercury! And boy, on thenight of Dougs birthday, Im gonnathrow that under the old mans bunkand bam! Boy, bam! Oh, bam!Captain, its me. It is I, EnsignPulver. I just threw the firecrackerunder your stinkin bunk!

BILLINGSOh, Doug, the captain wants you tohang onto whatever fresh fruit you

have left. He wants it for his ownmess.

ROBERTSOkay, Tom.

REBER And you better get braced for a storm,Mister Roberts. Dolan took in yourletter a while back.

DOWDYStand by bow line, ready to cast off.

ROBERTSYou fellows squared away?

LCM OFFICERYeah, thanks, Lieutenant. Say, youwouldnt wanta swap movies, would you?

ROBERTSSure. Whatcha got?

LCM OFFICERHoot Gibson in The Sheriffs Daughter.

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ROBERTSShove off.

SAILORLCM number two comes alongside.

MANNIONHey, Chief, Corcoran just passed out.

DOWDYGet him up here.

DOWDYGive him to me here. Easy, boy, easy.

MANNIONIts murder down there, MisterRoberts. Cant we take our shirtsoff?

ROBERTSSure, take em off. Kennedy, giveMannion a hand, get him back to sick

bay. Go on, take your shirts off.GROUP

Thank you, sir. Thank you, MisterRoberts.

ROBERTSOn the M-boat, watch it. Dowdy, get afender over. Watch it!

REBERThe captain wants to see you on thebridge, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSTell him Im busy. Schlemmer, giveem a hand on that line. Watch it!

DOLANThis is what they want, MisterRoberts.

ROBERTSOne ton dry stores, one grossdungarees, twenty cartons toothpaste,one-quarter ton frozen food. Freshfruit, if available. Scratch that.

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DOWDYTheyve been out two months, sir.

ROBERTSNo fresh fruit in two months?

DOWDYNo, sir.

ROBERTSGive a couple of crates of oranges,compliments of the captain.

STEFANOWSKISling ready, sir.

ROBERTS All right, take it away.

CAPTAIN All right, mister! Well have thiscut right here and now. What do youmean, telling me youre too busy?

ROBERTSWe were having trouble with the M-boat, Captain. You didnt want me toleave the deck with a ship coming inon us?

CAPTAINWhen I tell you I want to see you, Imean now! Mister! I m ean jump!Understand?

ROBERTSYes, sir, Ill remember that next

time.

CAPTAINYou better remember! You think yourepretty cute with this letter, dontyou? Trying to get me in bad with theadmiral.

ROBERTSNo, Im not, Captain.

CAPTAINWhat do you mean writing, disharmonyaboard this ship?

ROBERTSBecause its true, Captain.

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CAPTAIN Any disharmony aboard this ship is myown doing.

ROBERTSThats true, too, Captain.

CAPTAIN And it aint gonna be in any letter

that leaves this ship. Any criticismof this ship stays on this ship! Igot a good reputation with the admiraland I aint gonna lose it on accountof any letter thats written by somesmart-alec college officer. Now youretype this, see, and cut thatdisharmony crack. And Ill send itin. But this is the last one,understand?

ROBERTSCaptain, every man in the Navy has theright to send in a request for

transfer and no one can change thewording. Thats in Navy regulations.

CAPTAINHow about that, Dolan?

DOLANThats what it says in the book, sir.

CAPTAINWell, its a stupid regulation. Andwe wouldnt stand for it in themerchant marines, I can tell you. Allright, Ill send this one in. Just as

it is. But disapproved, like I alwaysdo. But theres one thing I donthave to send and thats a letter thathasnt been written. And, mister, Imtelling you here and now you aintgonna write any more. You bring meone more and youll regret it the restof your days. You got a job righthere. And, mister, you aint nevergonna get off this ship! Now get onwith your work.

DOWDYCarry on.

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CAPTAINWhere are your shirts? Where are yourshirts?

ROBERTSCaptain, one of the --

CAPTAINShut up! Answer me, where are your

shirts? Get those shirts on and bequick about it!

ROBERTSIm sorry. Put your shirts on.

CAPTAINJust one minute, mister! Whoscaptain of this vessel? That is therankest piece of insubordination Iever seen. Youve been getting prettysmart lately, buttering up to MisterRoberts here, but this time you havegone too far. And Im making you a

little promise. I am never going toforget this. And as a starter, youreon report. Everyone of you whoappeared on deck without a shirt, onreport!

ROBERTSCaptain, youre not putting those menon report.

CAPTAINWhat do you mean Im not?

ROBERTS

Im responsible. I gave thempermission.

CAPTAINYou disobeyed my standing order?

LCM OFFICER #2Thanks a million for the fresh fruit,Lieutenant.

CAPTAINYou gave that man oranges?

ROBERTS

Yes, sir, Im afraid I did.

CAPTAINTen days! You just got yourself tendays in your quarters. Ten days!

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ROBERTSVery well, Captain. Do you relieve mehere?

CAPTAINYou heard me. You get to your cabinbefore I make it twenty days.

DOWDY

Another M-boat coming alongside,Mister Roberts. You want em port orstarboard?

ROBERTSIve been removed, Chief.

CAPTAINWhere do you think youre going?

ROBERTSTo my room, Captain, for ten days. Orwas it twenty?

CAPTAINIll tell you when to get to yourcabin. Get back to your job.

ROBERTSCaptain, you told me --

CAPTAINNever mind what I told you. I amtelling you! Whos that? Whos thatofficer? You, boy!

PULVERMe?

CAPTAINYes, you. Come here. Are you one ofmy officers?

PULVERYes, sir.

CAPTAINWhats your name again?

PULVEREnsign Pulver, sir.

CAPTAINWell, Im glad to see theres someoneaboard this vessel who knows how tosalute. Pulver? How i s it I dontsee you around much, Pulver?

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PULVERIve often wondered the same thingmyself, sir.

CAPTAINWhats your job, Pulver?

PULVEROfficer in charge of laundry and

morale, sir.CAPTAIN

How long have you been aboard, Pulver?

PULVERFourteen months, sir.

CAPTAINFourteen months! Oh, spend most ofyour time in the laundry, huh?

PULVERWhy -- oh, yes, sir. Most of the

time. Yes, sir.CAPTAIN

Well, you do a good job, Pulver.

PULVERThank you, sir.

CAPTAINExcept for one thing.

PULVERSir?

CAPTAINI dont like starch in my pajamas.Youll watch out for that, wont you,Pulver?

PULVEROh, yes, sir.

CAPTAINFine. Well, youre doing very goodwork, Pulver. Yeah. Must come to mycabin sometime and have dinner.

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PULVERCut it out. Cut it out, Doug boy.Now, knock, knock it off. Oh, cut it-- hes got a nerve. Oh, waitll nextweek, Doug. You just waitll --waitll next week, he gets hislaundry. You wait and see. Doug, Imgonna get some starch. You know, someof that real thick starch. Like they

use on the nurses

unif--

If I couldbe with you, Id love you strong/ if Icould be with you Id love you long/ Iwant you to know/ I wouldnt go.

MESSENGER And when ol Roberts says that, Ithought the captain was gonna lose hismarbles.

SAILOR #1Hey, nothing stops ol Roberts. Hesa --

MESSENGERNice going, Mister Roberts.

SAILOR #2It was really beautiful the way youread the old man off.

SAILOR #1You gonna send in another letter nextweek, Mister Roberts?

SAILOR #3He sure is. And its my turn to shoveit right under the old mans nose,

huh, Mister Roberts?

SAILOR #4Yeah, but you got a promotion comingup, haventcha?

MESSENGERYeah, but could he stop that orsomething?

SAILOR #3Promotion! This is Mister Roberts.Do you think he gives a good hootabout another lousy stripe?

CREWYeah.

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SAILOR #3We gotta write a really hot one nextweek, huh, Mister Roberts? Well useasbestos paper.

ROBERTSYeah.

SAILOR #3

Jeez. He

ll fix the old man

s clock.You wait.

CREWYeah.

SAILOR (V.O.) All men who have not been put onreport for three weeks can now goswimming for ten minutes. That isall.

CREWOver the side. Here we go. Hey,

watch out there.PULVER

Er, well, how do I look, huh? Oh, youdont mind my borrowing yourbinoculars, do you, Doug?

ROBERTSIts okay, Frank. Wont they get inyour way?

SAILOR #2Now hear this. Now hear this.Station launch coming alongside.

PULVERShes here. Shes here. Now you guysstay away from that cabin, you hear?

CREWLast one ins an ensign. Last one inis an ensign. Last one in is anensign. Last one in is an ensign.

LT. COMMANDERYour permission to come aboard, sir.

PULVER

Huh? Well, er, yes, sir.

LT. COMMANDERWheres your skipper?

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PULVERPermission -- er, well, er --

LT. COMMANDERWell, never mind. Ill find him.

PULVERWell, er --

ANN

Request permission to come aboard,sir.

PULVERWell, well, permission granted. Hopaboard.

ANNHi.

PULVERIve got the hoo--

JOAN

Request permission to come aboard,sir.

PULVERHuh? Er, er, permission --

MIRIAMRequest permission to come aboard,sir.

ANN-BETSYRequest permission to come aboard,sir.

NURSE #1Request permission to come aboard,sir.

NURSE #2Request permission to come aboard,sir.

ANNNo, thats all. Cobinna had to washher hair, but shed just love to comeanother time.

PULVER

Well, er, er, how would you girls liketo sorta look around this ship whilethe lieutenant and I discuss a littlebusiness?

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ANNU-uh.

REBERHey, pipe the nurses.

CREWYeah.

PULVERWhy, I wouldnt think of leavin emunprotected, you know. Right thisway. Just pardon me. Hop right uphere. There you are. Thats it.There we are. Right here. Now. Now,this is Doc. Er, girls, MisterRoberts.

ANN AND NURSESHi.

PULVERYeah, and hes my -- hes my -- er, er

--ANN

Ensign Pulver here is executiveofficer. Whats your job?

PULVEREr, er, he, er --

ROBERTSLaundry and morale officer. Glad tohave you aboard.

NURSE #1

Oh, are you laundry and morale? So amI.

PULVERHey, well then, listen, Doug, whydont you just take the girls offsomewhere and tell em all about it,huh?

ROBERTSGee, I wish I could, Frank, but I, er,gotta clean up. I did a lot oflaundry today.

NURSE #2Sure.

ROBERTSMaybe Docll show em surgery.

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PULVEREr, oh, Doc. Oh, yeah. Well now,girls, this is our surgeon. Doc.

NURSESOh, Doc.

PULVERYeah, and, and you just go right off

with Doc. Well, he -- well, don

t letthe gray hair and the baggy eyesbother you. Hes a very likeable --great sense of humor, too.

DOCYeah.

PULVERHes --

DOCId be delighted to take these youngladies to the medical profession of my

surgery, but unfortunately, we haventhad a chance to clean up since ourlast enemy action.

NURSESCome on, lets see the ship.

NURSE #1Hi.

DOWDYEvenin, maam.

NURSE #2

Hello, you.

DOWDYEvenin.

NURSE #3Hi.

NURSE #4Hi.

DOWDYGood evenin.

PULVEREr, flemish up the lines aft there,will you, Dowdy?

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DOWDYWhat?

PULVERYeah. New man. Oh, more salt,cookie. Put some more salt in there.

COOKOkay.

PULVERNow, girls, up here is where we havethe, er, anc-- er, follow me right upthere, girls.

MANNIONFlash red.

PULVERHello, men, as you were. Now, girls,this is the, er, and thats a gun.

ANN

Oh, imagine that.MIRIAM

Is this the poop deck?

PULVERWell, its, er --

NURSE #1Hey, you boys must be the lookouts.Could I, er, borrow em for a second.

MANNIONOh, er, er, sorry, sir, top secret.

WILEYYeah, top, top secret.

STEFANOWSKICant talk, miss, you know, er, er,bifocles.

BOYSYeah. Yeah.

PULVEROh, well, I can make an exception inyour case.

NURSE #1Thank you.

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INSIGNIAEr, er, Stef, er, look at the fishjumpin over there, huh?

WILEYYeah. Its a whale.

BOYSYeah. Yeah.

STEFANOWSKI A really interesting cloud formation.

BOYSWhere? Where?

PULVERYou can see your hospital right fromover the rail here.

NURSE #1Why thank you.

INSIGNIAEnsign Pulver.

NURSE #1Hey, I can. Why you can almost reachout an-- ooh!

NURSE #2Oh.

ANNGlasses. Well, you certainly can seeCobinna.

NURSELieutenant, we got get back and hangthose window curtains right away.

ANNTen hut! Right face! Forward march!Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two,three, four. Hut, two, three, four.

DOCSo long, harmless.

LINDSTROM And I was just getting the hang of

this thing, too.

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INSIGNIAYeah, an now we got nothing to lookforward to, just that same cruddyisland!

MANNIONLook, you gotta rub it in? Why dontyou shut up?

INSIGNIAYou gonna make me?

ROBERTSShut up, Insignia. How did you findout --

INSIGNIA Aw, we seen em takin a bath.

LINDSTROMThrough this glass, Mister Roberts.We could see all of them.

STEFANOWSKIYou heard what she said, theyre gonnahang some curtains.

MANNIONYeah.

LINDSTROMGee, them nurses was pretty to lookat.

ROBERTSWell, they got a ten minute boat ride.You still got ten minutes.

WILEYYeah, but it wouldnt be any fun whenyou know youre gonna be rushed.

LINDSTROMThis was the first real good day thisbuckets ever had. Its all over now.

ROBERTSWell, maybe you got time then tolisten to a little piece of news.

INSIGNIA

Uh?

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ROBERTSWhen in all respects ready for sea,on or about sixteen hundred today, the

A.K. six, O, one will proceed at tenknots via points X-ray yoke and zebrato Elysium Island, arriving there inseven days and reporting to the portdirector for cargo assignment. Duringits stay in Elysium the ship will make

maximum use of the recreationalfacilities of this port.

STEFANOWSKIBut that means liberty.

LINDSTROMThat dont mean liberty, MisterRoberts?

ROBERTSThats exactly what it means.

INSIGNIA

Somebody musta been drunk to send usto a liberty port.

LINDSTROMHas the old man seen them orders?

ROBERTSSaw em before I did.

WILEYElysium, wheres that?

MANNIONYeah, wheres that, Mister Roberts?

ROBERTSElysium --

WILEYOh.

-- is the largest of the LimboIslands. Its often referred to asthe Polynesian paradise. Vanilla,sugar, cocoa, coffee, copra, mother ofpearl, phosphates and rum are thechief exports.

INSIGNIARum! Did you hear that?

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MANNIONShut up!

ROBERTSElysium City, its capital, is abeautiful metropolis of palm-linedboulevards, handsome public buildingsand colorful stucco homes. Since1900, its population has remained

remarkably constant at approximately30,000.

INSIGNIAWaitll we get there! Cut it out.

MANNIONGo on, Mister Roberts, go on.

ROBERTSWell, theres a lot of stuff aboutaides to navigation and -- Elysiumharbor, offering excellent anchorageand docking facilities, is surrounded

on three sides by beautiful greencloud-covered hills. The natives arenoted for their congeniality andhospitality.

NATIVES(singing in Polynesian;

English translation)Hey, hey, girls of Tahiti/ Come on outand play./ Chinese girls with tinyeyes/ Married women with combs intheir hair/ Chinese girls with tinyeyes/ married women with combs intheir hair./ hey, hey./ the horse runs

on the merry-go-round/ with the youngpretty girls/ and the lights flickeraway./ and the lights flicker away.

REBERBoy, this is a nice port, uh, MisterRoberts?

ROBERTSYeah.

INSIGNIAWe finally made it, uh, MisterRoberts?

ROBERTSYeah.

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NATIVE CHIEFTalofa, el capitan, talofa.

CAPTAINYou! On deck. Off! Get themcannibals off this vessel! Get emoff.

NATIVES

(singing in Polynesian;

English translation)Farewell for just awhile/ wereparting with a smile.

BOOKSERChief, will you tie this. Its beenso long I sorta forgot.

DOWDYIts all right. Whatre you gonna dowhen you get ashore, Bookser?

MANNION

The kidll probably go to the firstsaloon. Ice cream saloon, eh,Booksie?

BOOKSERHavent thought much about it. I gotmy camera Ma sent me. Guess Ill justwander around.

DOWDYHere.

NATIVES(singing in Polynesian;

English translation)Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like an ant/when it dances it wiggles/ as good aswhipped cream from a coconut/ that youdip in./ sweet, sweet like poi/ mydove, my dove, crying for you/ this ismy wish/ so long as it is like thisso/ long as it is done withtenderness/ a great big wiggle/wiggle, my precious.

SAILORHey, Lindstrom. I got good news foryou. You can take off them liberty

whites.

LINDSTROMI aint got the duty tonight!

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SAILORThats right, you and Mister Roberts gotthe duty tonight.

LINDSTROMOh!

CAPTAINNow hear this.

WILEYHere we go! Here we go!

CAPTAINThis is the captain speaking. I just foundout that theres men on this vesselexpecting liberty. Now, I dont know howthis rumor got around, but Id like toclear it up right now. On account of cargorequirements and security conditions, whichhave just come to my personal attention,there will be no liberty while were inthis here port! That is all. Come in.

Mister Roberts. Heh, twenty-eight seconds.Pretty good time. You see, Ive beenexpecting you.

ROBERTSOkay, how about it? When does this crewget liberty?

CAPTAINIn the first place, just kinda hold yourtongue. Im still captain here.

ROBERTSWhenre you gonna let this crew go ashore?

CAPTAINIm not. It was not my idea coming to thisliberty port. It seems one of my officersarranged it with a certain port director.Gave him a bottle of Scotch whiskey,compliments of the captain. The portdirector was kind enough to send me alittle thank you note. Along with ourorder. Sit down, Mister Roberts. Now, Iadmit I was a little provoked about notbeing consulted, but then I got tothinking, er, maybe wed want to come tothis port. So you and me could have a

little talk.

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ROBERTS All right, take it out on me, but noton the men. Dont you hear thatmusic? Dont you know its tearingthese guys apart? Theyre breakable,Captain, I promise you.

CAPTAINNow, you listen to me. Ive got two

things I wanta show you. That is thecap of a full commander. Im gonnawear that cap someday and youre goingto help me. Now it wont do any harmto tell you that you helped me winthat palm tree by working cargo. Now,dont let this go to your head, butwhen Admiral Finchley awarded me thatpalm tree, he said, Youve got a goodcargo officer, Morton. Keep him atit. Youre going places. And I wentright out and bought that hat andnobody aint gonna stand between meand that hat. Certainly not you. Now

last week it was agreed that there wasto be no more of these disharmonyletters.

ROBERTSI didnt say that.

CAPTAIN And what do I find on my desk thismorning? Another one. It says here,Friction between me and thecommanding officer. That aint goingin, mister.

ROBERTSHow you gonna stop it, Captain?

CAPTAINI aint. You are. Just h ow m uch d oyou want this crew to have a liberty?Enough to stop this friction? Enoughto stop writing letters ever? Causethats the only way this crew is goingto get ashore. This day or any otherday. Now, weve had our little chat.What do you say?

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ROBERTSHow did you get in the Navy? How didyou get on our side? Ah, youignorant, arrogant, ambitious --keeping sixty-two men in prison causeyou got a palm tree for the work theydid. I dont know which I hate worse.You or that other malignant growththat stands outside your door.

CAPTAINWhy you stinky, little --

ROBERTSHowd you ever get command of a ship?I realize in war time they have toscrape the bottom of the barrel, butwhered they ever scrape you out?

CAPTAINTheres just one thing left for you,mister. A general court-martial.

ROBERTSThat suits me fine. Court-martial me!

CAPTAINYouve got it.

NATIVES(singing in Polynesian;

English translation)There are lots of fish in the sea/also a lot of trees in the forest/there are a lot of birds that flyaround in the sky/ and a lot of halfcaste girls./ but none can compare to

my precious sweetheart/ prettiest inSamoa/ guess my riddle/ if you knowher name/ I try to sleep but I cant/because of my love, darling, for you/my food doesnt taste the same/because of my longing for you/ oh, myprecious jewel/ admired by everyone/the beauty of Samoa/ the desire of allthe men./

(MORE)

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NATIVES(singing in Polynesian;

English translation)You, you, you, anamite girls/ who livein shacks on the road/ when the worktruck comes/ you better get ready/even if you dont want to go/ haveyour fun while you can/ little girl,so fly and dance/ and work on the

roads/ have your fun while you can/have your fun while you can.

PAGE ILLEGIBLE

S.P.Well, I got a real bunch o beautiesfor you this time.

DOWDYCan they walk?

SAILOROff we go into the wild blue yonder/

climbing high into the sun/ here theycome zoomin to meet our thunder/ Atta boys, give er the gun./ down wedive/ spottin our plane from under/off with one terrible roar./ we livein fame/ or go down in flame/nothingll stop the Army Air Corps.

DOCWell, theyre peaceful, anyhow.

DOWDY All right, lads, come on, lend a hand.

BOYSHi, Mister Roberts. Hello, MisterRoberts, how are you? Aloha. Hi,Mister Roberts. Evening, MisterRoberts.

M.P.Duty officer, sir?

ROBERTSThats right.

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M.P.Colonel Middleton presents hiscompliments to the captain, sir. Andwishes him to know that these men madea shambles of the colonelstestimonial dinner dance.

ROBERTSYou men crashed a dance for Army

personnel?MANNION

Yes, sir, and they made us feelunwelcomed.

ROBERTSOh, the Army started a fight, huh?

WILEYOh, no, sir, we started it.

STEFANOWSKI And we finished it. Hey, tell Mister

Roberts how many of you Army bums isin the hospital.

M.P.Thirty-eight soldiers of the UnitedStates Army have been hospitalized.

And the colonel himself has a very badbruise on his left shin. Thats notall, Lieutenant. There were youngladies present, fifty of them. Fromthe finest families of Elysium. Well,sir --

ROBERTS

Well?

M.P.Two of those young women were somewhatmauled. One of them actually got ablack eye. Six others had theirclothes torn from them. They ranscreaming into the night. Theyhavent been heard from since. Whatare you going to do about it,Lieutenant?

ROBERTSWell, Im due to be relieved here in

fifteen minutes. Id be glad to leada search party.

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M.P.No, sir. The Armyll take charge ofthat end. Colonel Middleton will wantto know what punishment youre goingto give these men.

ROBERTSWell, you tell him Im sure ourcaptain will think of something.

M.P.But, sir --

ROBERTSThats all, Sergeant.

M.P.Thank you, sir.

MANNIONGood night.

S.P.

So long, you guys.GROUP

So long, mate. So long, Admiral.

ROBERTSWell, what have you got to say foryourselves?

STEFANOWSKIOkay if we go ashore again?

ROBERTSWhat dyou say, Doc?

GROUPYeah, Doc, what about it? How aboutit, Doc?

DOC Anybody got a fractured skull?

GROUPNo. Naw, nothin, Doc. No.

DOCThey pass the physical.

ROBERTSGo down and take a shower and get intosome clothes.

STEFANOWSKIHey, we just got time to get back tothe dance.

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DOLANHi, Mister Roberts. Im drunk as agoat. Show him how drunk I am.Mister Roberts, when I first saw her,she was eatin. An you know, shejust eat her way into my heart. Shewas eatin a little ol palm tree.There you are, kid, chow!

ROBERTSWait a , wait a minute. Ho. Whatsher name?

DOLANI dont know, sir.

ROBERTSShes got an nameplate.

DOLANHer name is property of.

ROBERTS

Whats her last name?DOLAN

Her last name? Rear AdmiralWentworth.

ROBERTSOkay, Dolan, hit the sack. Ill takecare of her.

DOLANOkay, Mister Roberts. See that shegets a good square meal.

ROBERTSOh, come on, baby.

LINDSTROMHey, Kennedy, where you been?

KENNEDYOkay, okay, youre relieved.

LINDSTROMRequest permission to go ashore, sir.

S.P.Lieutenant, did one of your men turn

up with a -- oh, there she is.Thanks. Come o n, c ome on. Yourpapas over there worrying aboutcha.

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KENNEDYSay, Mister Roberts, wheres yourrelief?

ROBERTS Aw, hell be along any minute now. Any minute now.

DOC

What

re you looking so cocky about?ROBERTS

Am I looking cocky? Maybe itsbecause for the first time since Ivebeen on this ship, Im seeing a crew.

DOCWhat do you think youve been livingwith all this time?

ROBERTSTheyre sixty-two separate guys.Theres a big difference, Doc. Now in

one night, these guys are boundtogether. Doc, I think now maybetheyre strong enough to stand allthe, er, miserable endless days aheadof us. I only hope Im strong enough.

DOCDoug, how about you and I going overthere and take advantage of thegroundwork thats been laid tonight.You and I are going to give ourselvesa liberty.

ROBERTS

Hey, get a load of Pulver. Hello,Frank. How was your liberty?

PULVERIm tellin you true/ Id be anythingbut blue/ if I could be with you.

DOCWell!

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ALABAMA All right, you men know your posts.Officer of the deck? I hope you dontmind, but Ive stationed my men alongyour starboard side. Im sorry, butthis ship is restricted for the restof its stay in Elysium. Your captainis to report to the island commanderat seven oclock this morning. I

recommend that he

s er, on time. Theadmirals a pretty tough cookie whenhes mad. Hes madder nown Ive everseen him.

ROBERTSWhat in particular did this?

ALABAMAWell, a little while ago, six men fromyour ship broke into the home of theFrench Colonial governor. Startedthrowing things through a plate glassliving room window. We found some of

the things on the lawn. Large worldglobe, small love seat, a lot ofbooks, bust of Balzac. The Frenchwriter. We also found an Armyprivate, first class, who wasunconscious at the time. He claimsthey threw him, too.

ROBERTSThrough the window?

ALABAMAThats right. It seems he took emthere for a little joke. He didnt

tell them it was the governors house.He told em it was, er -- well, whatwe call in Alabama, er --

ROBERTSYeah, we call it the same thing inNebraska.

ALABAMAWell, thats about all, Lieutenant.If it makes you feel any better,

Admiral Wentworth says this is theworst ship hes ever seen in hisentire Naval career! Good night,

Lieutenant.

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ROBERTSGood night.

DOWDYSchlemmer! Schlemmer, are you allright?

SCHLEMMERYeah.

DOWDYGet up here, you idiot! Whatta youtrying to do? Get up here.

SCHLEMMERI forgot my motorcycle!

DOWDYCome back here, Schlemmer!

CAPTAINKicked out! Kicked out! The firsttime Ive ever been kicked out of a

port! Youre going to pay for this,mister! Now get that gangway up andwere gonna get out of here!

ROBERTSChief, bring in the gangway, single upall lines. Weve been kicked out ofport.

DOWDYBookser aint aboard, sir. He didntcome back last night.

ROBERTS

Bookser?

DOWDYYes, sir.

CAPTAINGet that gangway up, mister! And Imean now, shag!

ROBERTSYes, sir. Bookser!

GROUPGet on board! Come on, Booksie. Run

fast, Booksie, you can make it! Comeon, kid!

ROBERTSIm surprised at you, Bookser.

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BOOKSERYes, sir, so am I.

ROBERTSWhered you meet her, anyway?

BOOKSER At a church social.

ROBERTS All night?

BOOKSERWe went for a walk down on the beach,sir. We sat there and counted thestars. Honest, sir, thats all.

ROBERTSYou better get below.

BOOKSERYes, sir.

ROBERTS All present and accounted for, sir.

CAPTAINRight here, mister. Well, I guessyoure mighty proud of yourselves.Getting me kicked outta port that way.Well, we are going to erase this blotfrom my record if we have to worktwenty-four hours a day. Right,Mister Roberts?

ROBERTSYes, sir.

CAPTAINWe are going to move more cargo thanwe ever moved before. Right, MisterRoberts?

ROBERTSYes, sir.

CAPTAIN And Mister Roberts is going to see toit that you men toe the line at alltimes. Thats right, too, isnt it,Mister Roberts?

ROBERTSThats right, sir.

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CAPTAIN And you know as well as I do thatMister Roberts is a man who keeps hisword. And, Roberts, you do a good joband one of these days there may be apromotion in it for you. An extralittle bar on that collar. That wouldbe all right, wouldnt it, mister?Wouldnt that be all right, Roberts?

ROBERTSYes, sir, if you say so.

CAPTAINYou just heard me say so. Well, takeover. See t hey w ork u p a sweat. Ijust gave an order! And I aint heardno answer. Im waiting.

ROBERTS Aye, aye, sir.

CAPTAIN

Thats better. Thats more like it.ROBERTS

Deck division break out the chippersand scrapers and get after that rust.Engineering division, air bedding.Fall out.

STEFANOWSKIWhats he taking all the guff for?

INSIGNIAYes, sir. No, sir.

WILEY Aye, aye, sir.

INSIGNIAHey, killer, do you really think hesbucking for a promotion?

DOLANWho, Mister Roberts? Hes just tired,thats all. Promotion.

STEFANOWSKIYeah, thats right. Hes just tired.

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DOLANOh, Mister Roberts, I got somethinghere. A little love letter from thebureau. It came in just this morning.Hey, get a load of this. to allships and stations. Heightened waroffensive has created urgent needaboard combat ships for experiencedofficers. All commanding officers are

hereby directed to forward with theirendorsement all applications fortransfer from officers with twenty-four months sea duty. You gottwenty-nine months. Does that put olstupid behind the eight ball, or dontit? Heres your letter, MisterRoberts, all typed up and ready to go.Just the old John Hancock.

STEFANOWSKIGo ahead, Mister Roberts. I wannahear him explode.

BOYSYeah, hell go right through theoverhead. Yeah, go ahead, MisterRoberts.

ROBERTSI wanna look it over first, Dolan.

DOLANWhats there to look over? Its justa standard form came with thedirective.

ROBERTS

Dolan, Im not gonna stand here andargue with you. I told you, I wannalook it over. Now get back to yourtypewriter before I put you on report.

All right, dont just stand here.

ANNOUNCER... From headquarters of the Supreme

Allied Command in Europe. I repeat,there is no official announcement yet.The report that the war in Europe hasended has come from only onecorrespondent. It has not beenconfirmed by other correspondents or

Shape Headquarters. But --

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RADIOMANHey, Mister Roberts.

ANNOUNCER-- Here is one highly intriguing fact.That report has not been denied.Either in Washington or in ShapeHeadquarters in Europe.

PULVERTurn that thing off, will you, Doc?Doug ever say anything to you aboutwanting a promotion?

DOCNaw, course not. I double if heseven conscious of what rank he is.

PULVERHe never thinks about a promotion.

All he ever thinks about is the warnews. Anybody says hes bucking foranother stripe is a dirty liar.

DOCWho says he is?

PULVERInsigna, Mannion, some of these otherguys. I heard them talking. Outsidethe port hole. They were talking loudon purpose so Id hear em. Must ofguessed I was lying here on my sack.Whats happened to Doug, anyway, Doc?

DOCHow would I know? Hes spoken about

ten words to me in as many days. Illfind out though.

PULVERHe wont talk, Doc. I followed himall around the room this morning whilehe was shaving. I begged him to talkto me. I said, Youre a fellow whoneeds a friend, boy. And, and here Iam. And whats all this troubleBetween you and the crew? You know,you tell me and Ill fix it up likethat. Then I gave him a lot of goodadvice. You know, things like keep

your chin up. And you know, thingslike that. Well, you know what hedid?

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PULVER (CONTD)He walked right outta this room justas though I wasnt here. And I washere.

INSIGNIAMister Roberts is turning out to belike an officer, aint he?

PULVERHey, Doug boy, we thought you were upin the radio shack listening to thewar news.

ROBERTSDont you wanna go down to the wardroom, get a cup of coffee?

PULVERYeah, sure, Ill go with you.

ROBERTSNaw, I dont wanna. You go ahead.

PULVERWell, I, I --

ROBERTSWill you get out anyway, I wanna talkto Doc.

PULVER All right, Im going for a cup ofcoffee. No, Im not. Im going up tothe radio shack and listen to the warnews. Youre not the only oneinterested. See you later, Doc.

ROBERTSDoc, transfer me, will you? Transferme to the hospital on this nextisland. You c an d o it. You d ontneed the captains approval. Just putme ashore for examination. Saytheres something wrong with my eyes,or my feet, or my head. You can trumpup something.

DOCOh, what good would that do?

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ROBERTSPlenty. I could lie around thathospital for a couple of weeks. Theship woulda sailed and Ida missedit. Id be off this ship. Will youdo it, Doc?

DOCDoug, whats really the matter?

ROBERTSI just put Dolan on report.

DOCOn report? Why?

ROBERTSCause I gave him an order and hedidnt carry it out fast enough tosuit me. Naw, thats not true. Itsthe war. I heard the news. The warwas ending and I couldnt get to it.Theres Dolan giving me guff about

something, all of a sudden, I hatedhim. I hated all of em. If theythink Im bucking for a promotion, ifthey think Id walk ten feet acrossthe room to get anything from thatcaptain -- Im through with the wholeungrateful mob.

DOCDoes this crew owe you something?

ROBERTSWhat do you mean by that?

DOCYou talk as if they did.

ROBERTSThats exactly how Im talking. Doc,that shows you how far gone I am.Ive been blaming them for somethingthat --

DOCWhat? Something what? Doug, youvemade some sort of agreement with thecaptain, havent you?

ROBERTS Agreement? I dont know what youmean.

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PULVERDoc! Doug! Turn on the radio! Turnit on!

ANNOUNCERThis broadcast will bring you aspecial news flash. The war is overin Europe! The war is over in Europe!G e r m a n y h a s s u r r e n d e r e d

unconditionally to the allied armies.The surrender was signed in aschoolhouse in the city of Reims.

DOCI would remind you that theres stilla minor skirmish here in the Pacific.

ROBERTSIll miss that, too. But this is thegreatest day in the world, we gottacelebrate! How about it, Frank?

PULVER

Yeah, Doug, we gotta celebrate.DOC

Whatll it be, alcohol and orangejuice, or orange juice and alcohol?

ROBERTSNo, Doc, thats not good enough.

PULVERNo, thats not good enough, Doc.

ROBERTSWe gotta think of something thatll

lift this ship right up outta thewater and turn it around the otherway.

PULVERDoug. Doc. I -- youre gonna blowyour lids when you hear this idea.Oh, what a sweet -- you said I neverfinished anything I started. Oh, boy,youre wrong. Tonight I startedsomething, Im gonna finish it!

ROBERTSFrank, wait a minute. What is it?

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PULVER A fire cracker! Were gonna heave afirecracker under that old mans bunkand bam! Bam! Bam! Wake up, youunpatriotic old slob, its V.E. Day.

ROBERTSFrank.

PULVERDoc, did you ever see such a hand-painted, hand-packed firecracker inyour life?

ROBERTSOh, Frank, thats the most beautifulfirecracker I ever saw in my life, butwill it work?

PULVERSure itll work. Well, I think itwill.

ROBERTSHavent you tested it, Frank? Itsgotta work. Its just gotta work.

PULVERIll take it down to the laundry.Thats my laboratory. I got all themakings down there. If this oneworks, I can make another in twominutes.

ROBERTSOkay, Frank, take off. Well waithere for you. Be sure you got enough

to make it loud.

PULVERYeah.

ROBERTSWhat dyou use for powder?

PULVERPowder? This aint no pop-gun, its afirecracker! I use fulminate ofmercury. Ill be back in a minute.

ROBERTS

Fulminate of mercury? That stuffsmurder! Do you suppose he means it?

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DOCNaw, of course not. Where would heget fulminate of mercury?

ROBERTSI dont know. Hes prettyresourceful.

DOC

Well, how about a little drink?ROBERTS

Right. Doc, Ive been living with agenius. This makes everythingworthwhile, the whole year and a halfhe spent in his bunk. How else couldyou celebrate V.E. Day? A firecrackerunder the ol mans bunk.

DOCHere you are. To better days.

ROBERTS

Right. And to a great American, FrankThurlowe Pulver, soldier, statesman,scientist.

CAPTAINWhat was that?

SAILORI dont know what it was, Captain, butIll try and find out. Hey, there!Up on the bridge. Is anything wrongup there?

PULVER

Help! Doug! Doc! Hey, Doc. Hey,Doug.

DOCThis may be pretty bad, Doug.

PULVERGee, that stuffs terrific!

DOC Are you all right?

PULVERYeah, Im great! Gee, you shoulda

been there.

ROBERTSYoure not, youre not burned oranything?

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PULVERNo, but that laundrys kinda beat up.You know those laundry machines?Theyre clear over on the other sideof the room now. Theres a newporthole on the starboard side. Theelectric iron went right through it.I, I guess a steam line musta bustedor something. I was up to my hair in

lather and, oh, soap suds flying allaround. It was just, it wasabsolutely beautiful. Its --

CAPTAINWell, what was it? Has anybody foundout?

SAILORIt was the laundry, Captain. A steamline musta busted.

CAPTAIN Any damage?

SAILORWe cant get in there. The passagewayis solid soap suds.

CAPTAINWell, tell those men to be morecareful.

CAPTAIN Aye, aye, sir.

ROBERTSFrank, our celebration is just getting

started.

PULVERYeah.

ROBERTSThe night is young and our dutysclear.

PULVERYeah, whatre we gonna do now, Dougboy?

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ROBERTSWere going down and get the rest ofyour stuff. You proved that itworked, you just hit the wrong target,thats all. Were gonna make anotherfirecracker and put it where it reallybelongs.

PULVER

All of my stuff is down in thelaundry. It all went up. Im sorry,Doug. Im awfully sorry.

ROBERTSThats okay, Frank.

PULVER And youre not sore at me, now areyou?

ROBERTSWhat for?

PULVERSpoilin the celebration.

ROBERTSOf course not.

PULVERIt was, it was a good idea, wasnt it?

ROBERTSFrank, it was a great idea. Im proudof you. It just didnt work, thatsall.

DOCWherere you going, Doug?

ROBERTSOut on deck.

PULVERWell, wait. Ill get cleaned up, Illcome with you.

ROBERTS Aw, Im gonna turn in after that.Its okay, Frank.

PULVERWell, he was happy there for a minute.Did you hear him laughing? Did youfind out whats the matter with him?

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DOCNo -- he wouldnt tell me. But I knowone thing hes feeling tonight, andthats panic. Tonight he feels hiswar is dying before he can get to it.

PULVERI let him down. He wanted tocelebrate and I let him down.

ANNOUNCERWe heard that the king and queen willcome out. The crowds are cheering.Listen to them. And at any second nowwe hope to see their majesties. Thecolor here is tremendous. Everywhererosettes. Everywhere gay red, whiteand blue hats. All girls in theirsummer frocks on this lovely, mild,historic May evening. And although wecelebrate with joy, so far it is agreat victory. Perhaps the greatvictory in the history of mankind.

The underlying mood is a mood ofthanksgiving. And now I believetheyre coming. They havent yetappeared but the crowds in the centerare cheering madly. Handkerchiefs,flags... and here they come. Firsther majesty the queen as she comesinto view and then the king. In theuniform of Admiral of the Fleet. Thetwo princesses standing on thebalcony. Listen to the crowd.

INSIGNIAHey whats that jabbering about on the

radio?

MANNIONI dunno. Something about a king andqueen.

SAILOROh.

SAILOR #2Steam line busted in the laundry.Theyre cleanin it up now. It ainteven worth going to see.

MANNIONCome on, Dolan, dont let em get youdown.

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STEFANOWSKIYeah, come on, Dolan.

SAILOR #2Hey, what was them croquet things wehad for chow tonight?

STEFANOWSKIFlash red.

ROBERTSGood evening. You fellas hear thenews? The wars over in Europe.

MANNIONYes, sir, we heard.

STEFANOWSKISure, maybe somebodyll get on theball out here now.

ANNOUNCER #2 And how these men of the Navy are

taking over San Francisco here in theBay area tonight. Theyre going upthe street with their girls on theirshoulders. Modesty has been thrown tothe winds. We find just all kinds ofpeople. A few civilians scattered inamong them. We find a few Army boyshere and there who are rolling up anddown the streets and we mean walkingwith that swagger. Not only to themen in the Navy but you know why thatswagger comes. You dont have to bepainted a picture, I dont believe.

All the taxicabs going up and down the

streets are loaded with sailors, theyjust run right out in front of thesecars --

ROBERTSOh, Dolan, I, I guess I kinda blew mytop. Im sorry. Im taking you offreport.

DOLANWhatever you want, sir. Well, guessIll hit the old sack.

MANNION

Yeah, me, too.

INSIGNAYeah, I think so.

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SAILORYeah. Good night.

STEFANOWSKIDidnt realize how late it was.

SAILOR #2Yeah.

ANNOUNCER #2-- Right here where they happen to be.Pile on em. Weve seen as many astwenty-five on one sedan. Weve seenas many as ten to twelve on littlecoupes and roadsters. The old tiresare just flat against the asphaltpaving down here on these streets indowntown San Francisco.

ANNOUNCER #3Since I last talked to you aboutthirty-five minutes ago, the picturehas changed a little bit here in Times

Square.MAN

Our boys have won this victory today.But the rest is up to you. You andyou alone must recognize our enemies.The forces of ambition, cruelty,arrogance and stupidity! You who mustrecognize them. You must destroythem! You must tear them out as youwould a malignant growth and cast themfrom the surface of the earth!

CAPTAIN

No! Sound the general alarm! Soundthe general alarm! Sound the generalalarm! Officer of the deck! Callgeneral quarters! Call generalquarters! Sound the general alarm!

CREWHey, what happened? Hey, whatshappened? Must be a submarine. Hey,it must be an air raid. Hey, whathappened?

DOWDYMannion, Wiley, secure that life raft.

He didnt say abandon ship.

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PULVER All right, now wait a minute. Nowwait -- laundry detail report toforward gun. Laundry detail report toforward gun! What happened? Imcoming. Wait for Doug.

STEFANOWSKIHey, Insigna.

INSIGNAYeah.

STEFANOWSKI Are you supposed to be up there?

INSIGNAYeah, we was up here last year.

STEFANOWSKIHey, Dowdy, wheres my battle station?

DOWDY

I dunno where your battle station is.Look around.

STEFANOWSKILook around. Ask a man politely wherehis battle station is and he says,look around.

SAILOR #3Engine room manned and ready. Allbattle stations manned and ready.

STEFANOWSKI All except mine.

MESSENGER All battle stations manned and ready,Captain.

CAPTAIN All right. Who did it? Who did it?You are going to stand sweating atthose battle stations until someoneconfesses. Its an insult to thehonor of this ship. The symbol of ourcargo record has been destroyed -- andIm going to find out who did it if ittakes all night.

INSIGNASymbol of our cargo record, whatsthat?

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STEFANOWSKII dont know.

DOWDYStefanowski, find some battle station!

CREWThe palm tree is gone. Hey, hey, comeon. The palm tree is gone. That

stinkin

palm tree is gone. The palmtree is gone.

CAPTAINHere, read me that muster list.

MESSENGERAbernathy.

CAPTAINNo, not Abernathy.

MESSENGERBaker.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERBartholomew.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERBecker.

CAPTAIN

No.

MESSENGERCarney.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERDaniels.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERDexter.

CAPTAINNo.

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MESSENGEREllison.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGEREverman.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERJenkins.

CAPTAINUh-uh.

MESSENGERKelly.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERKevin.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERMartin.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGER

Olsen.

CAPTAINNo.

MESSENGERONeill.

CAPTAINNo, not ONeill.

MESSENGERPulver.

CAPTAINPulver. Huh. Pulver wouldnt havethe guts. Go on, go on.

MESSENGERRoberts.

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CAPTAINRoberts. Thats the one. Get him uphere! Get him up here right now. Gethim up here!

MESSENGERMister Roberts will report to thecaptains cabin on the double. MisterRoberts will report to the captains

cabin on the double.CAPTAIN

Give me that! Roberts! Roberts, youget up here in one quick hurry.Roberts, get a move on. Im givingyou an order. Do you hear me,Roberts? Er, this is it! You get amove on and get up here cause this isfinally, finally the showdown. We aregoing to have it out right here andnow. Do you hear, Roberts? Get uphere now!

ROBERTSYou want to see me, Captain?

CAPTAINYou did it. Dont stand there and lieto me. Confess it.

ROBERTSConfess what, Captain? I dont knowwhat youre talking about.

CAPTAINYou know what Im talking aboutbecause you did it. You double-

crossed me! Youve gone back on yourword!

ROBERTSNo, I havent, Captain.

CAPTAINOh, yes, you have. Yes, you have! Ikept my part of the bargain. I gavethis crew liberty. I gave this crewliberty but youve gone back on yourword. You promised me on your word ofhonor.

ROBERTSWell, I kept my word, Captain. Ihavent written any more letters.

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CAPTAINIm not talking about your stinking,rotten letters. Im talking aboutwhat you did tonight.

ROBERTSTonight? I, I dont understand you,Captain. Whatd you think I didtonight?

CAPTAINYou know what you did. You stabbed mein the back! You stabbed me in the --

ROBERTSWill the doctor please report to thecaptains cabin on the double. Willthe doctor please report to thecaptains cabin on the double.

REBERHey, Lindstrom, wheres the old man?

LINDSTROMHes sitting in a chair, leaning wayforward.

WILEYWhats the Doc doing?

LINDSTROMDocs holdin the wastebasket.

REBERWhat wastebasket?

LINDSTROMThe one the old mans got his head in.Whoops, there he goes again. They gothim to the couch.

DOCThats it. Now we mustnt letourselves get angry, Captain. We knowthat, dont we?

LINDSTROMLook out, here they come.

DOC

Well not need the stretcher now.Sorry.

ROBERTSChief.

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DOWDYYes, sir.

ROBERTSPass the word to the men to securefrom general quarters.

DOWDY Aye, aye, sir.

DOCSee you later.

SAILORNow hear this. Now hear this. Securefrom general quarters.

REBERGood night, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSGood night, Reber.

WILEYGood night, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSGood night, Wiley.

LINDSTROMGood night, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSGood night, Lindstrom.

INSIGNAGood night, Mister Roberts.

MANNIONGood night, Mister Roberts.

KENNEDYGood night, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSGood night, Kennedy.

DOLANGood night, Mister Roberts.Good night, Mister Roberts!

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ROBERTSGood night, Dolan.

GEARHARTOkay, Mister Roberts. Ill take thesedown to the gangway. The boat fromthe island should be out here anyminute for you. Ill let you know.

ROBERTSThanks, Gearhart.

GEARHARTNever thought youd be takin thistrip, did you?

ROBERTSIll be off this bucket before I evenwake up.

DOCThey flying you all the way toLivingston?

ROBERTSI dont know. Dispatch said transfer,travel by air, if possible. I guessits all the way through. Theyrelanding planes at Okinawa now. Thatswhere my cans probably runningaround.

PULVEROkinawa? You be mighty careful, Dougboy.

ROBERTS

Okay, Frank. Doc, I even got on adestroyer. The Livingston.

PULVEROh, I know a guy on the Livingston.He dont think its so hot.

DOLANHere you are, Mister Roberts. I typedup three copies of the radio dispatch.I have to keep one copy. And herestwo for you. You are now officiallydetached from this here bucket. Letme be the first.

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ROBERTSThanks, Dolan. Dolan, how about theseorders? I havent sent in a letterfor a month.

DOLANListen, Mister Roberts, I can tell youexactly how it happened. You seethose guys in Washington need men

awful bad for combat duty. So theystarted lookin through the oldletters and came across one of yours.

ROBERTSI know, but you wouldnt...

DOLANListen, Mister Roberts, we cant standhere beatin our gums. And the oldman says, If he aint outta here inone hour, Ill throw him off!

ROBERTS

Is that all he said?DOLAN

Thats all he said.

ROBERTS After fighting this thing for twoyears, youd think hed say more thanthat.

CAPTAINGuard, I dont want no man closer thanten feet. Understand!

DOCWhats that?

DOLAN A new botanical garden. Aint youheard?

DOCNo.

DOLANWhen we anchored this morning, he sentOlsen out with a special detail, dugup a new palm tree. Hes already set

a twenty-four hour watch on that newtoy with orders to shoot to kill! Oh,that reminds me, Ensign Pulver.

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DOLAN (CONTD)Captain wants to see you right away.

PULVERWhat about?

DOLANI dont know, sir. Ill come back tosay goodbye later, Mister Roberts.

Come on, Ensign Pulver.PULVER

Yeah. Ill bet those guys down in thelaundry starched his pajamas again.

DOCWell, youre pretty happy, arent you?

ROBERTSYup. Youre happy about it, too,arent you, Doc?

DOC

I think its the only thing for you.What do you think of the crew now,Doug?

ROBERTSTheyre all right. I think theyrenice guys, all of em.

DOCHmm. And how do you think they feelabout you?

ROBERTSWell, they like me well enough till

next guy comes along.

DOCYou dont think youre necessary tothem, huh?

ROBERTSDoc, no officers necessary to a crew.

DOC Are you going to leave this shipbelieving that?

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DOCWell, it was a great honor. Im theonly officer aboard who knows. I wasa contestant. I was also a judge.This, er, double honor was accorded tome because of my character, charm,good looks, and because the medicaldepartment contributed four gallons ofgrain alcohol to the contest.

ROBERTSWho won? Who signed it?

DOCWell, Im not at liberty to say.Basically, they all did. And withjust one idea in mind. To dosomething for Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSI wish you hadnt told me, Doc. Makesme look pretty silly after what I justsaid. But I didnt mean i t, D oc. I

was afraid to say what I really feel.I love those guys. I think theyrethe greatest guys on this earth. Andall of a sudden, I feel theressomething terribly wrong about leavingthem. Doc, what can I say to them?

DOCNothing. You dont know about it.

After youre safely aboard your newship, Im supposed to write and tellyou about it. And at the bottom ofthe letter Im supposed to say,Thanks for the liberty, Mister

Roberts. Thanks for everything.

PULVERIm the new cargo officer. And thataint all, I gotta have dinner withhim tonight. He likes me!

DOCCome in. Whats that?

REBERFire and rescue party. Heard you hada fire in here.

ROBERTSNo, but as long as youre here --

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REBERHey, we got a false alarm then. Inthat case, we might as well drink thisstuff.

ROBERTSWhats in that, a new batch of junglejuice?

REBERYeah. In the handy new portablecontainer. Everybody loaded? Allright, you guys, you can come in now.

ROBERTSWhat is it?

MESSENGEROpen it.

PULVERWhat is it, Doug?

LINDSTROMIts a palm tree, see?

INSIGNIAIt was Dowdys idea, sir.

WILEYMannion made it. He cut it out ofsheet brass down in the machine shop.

INSIGNIAMannion drilled the words on it, too.

MANNION

Stefanowski thought up the words.

STEFANOWSKIBooksie gets credit for the ribbon.From a box of candy he got from hismother. Read the words, MisterRoberts.

ROBERTSOrder of --

DOCOrder of the Palm. To lieutenantJ.G. Douglas Roberts. For action

against the enemy, above and beyondthe call of duty.

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ROBERTSIts very nice, but I think you gotthe wrong guy.

DOWDYWe know that, sir, but wed like youto have it, anyway.

ROBERTS

Okay, I

ll keep it.INSIGNIA

Stefanowski thought up the words.

ROBERTSTheyre fine words.

GEARHARTThe boats here, Mister Roberts. Iput your gear in. They wanta shoveoff right away.

ROBERTS

We havent had our drink yet.GROUP

No, sir, we aint.

DOWDYYou wont get any jungle juice aboardthe destroyer, Mister Roberts.

ROBERTSThats right, Dowdy. Goodbye, Doc.

DOCGoodbye, Doug.

ROBERTS And thanks, Doc.

DOCOkay.

ROBERTSBye, Frank. Remember, Im counting onyou.

PULVERCome on down.

DOWDY All right... shove off, you guys.

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SAILORMail call will be on the forward hatchimmediately.

DOCMannion. Mannion.

MANNIONNewspapers. Eight weeks old.

DOCPulver. Pulver. Pulver.

MANNIONEnsign Pulver, we just heard. Nomovies again tonight.

PULVERWell, why not?

WILEY Aw, he said we was making too muchnoise. We wasnt making too much

noise, Ensign Pulver.REBER

Talk to him, will you, Ensign Pulver?

PULVERWhat, me? Talk to the cap-- yeah.

DOCBookser.

BOOKSERYes, sir. Thank you.

DOCLindstrom.

LINDSTROMYes, sir.

DOCDolan.

DOLANHere, sir.

DOCStefanowski.

STEFANOWSKIRight.

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PULVEROh. Yep. My mother. All she eversays is stay away from Japan. Whatsyour news, Doc?

DOCMy wife got some new wallpaper for theliving room.

PULVERMm-hm. Pretty. Mm-hm. Alabama. Oh,well, and I shall read that one later.Hey, Doc, this is from Doug.

DOCYeah?

PULVERYeah.

DOWDYWhat does he say? Hey, you guys, youwanna hear a letter from Mister

Roberts?CREW

Yeah. Yeah. Sure thing.

PULVERDear Frank: This will be, this willbe short and sweet as were shovingoff in about two minutes. This wasdated three weeks ago.

DOCDoes he say where he is?

PULVERYeah. He says, My guess about thelocation of this ship is exactlyright. Well, that means hes aroundOkinawa all right. Fornell says -- He meant Fornell. Got -- you know,that friend of mine. The guy namedFornell that I went to college with?Well, listen to what he says.Fornell says that you and he used toload up your car with liquor in Omahaand then sell it at an indecent profitto the fraternity boys at Iowa City.How about that? We d id, t oo. Er,

well, it says, This part is for Doc.Ive been -- oh.

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DOCOh, go ahead read it. Its for bothof us.

PULVEROh. For Doc. Ive been aboard thisdestroyer for two weeks now and wevealready been through four air attacks.Im in the war at last, Doc. Ive

caught up with that task force thatpassed me by. Im glad to be here. Ihad to be here, I guess. But Imthinking now of you, Doc, and you,Frank, and Dolan and Dowdy andInsignia and everyone else on thatbucket. All the guys everywhere whosail from tedium to apathy and backagain with an occasional side trip tomonotony. This is a tough crew onhere and they have a wonderful battlerecord. But Ive discovered, Doc,that the unseen enemy of this war isthe boredom that eventually becomes a

faith and, therefore, a terrible sortof suicide. And I know now that theones who refuse to surrender to it arethe strongest of all. Right now Imlooking at something thats hangingover my desk. A preposterous hunk ofbrass attached to the most biliouspiece of ribbon Ive e ver s een. Idrather have it than the CongressionalMedal of Honor. It tells me what Illalways be proudest of. That at a timein the world when courage countedmost, I lived among sixty-two bravemen. So, Doc, and especially you,

Frank, dont let those guys down. Ofcourse, I know that by this time theymust be very happy because thecaptains overhead is filled withmarbles and -- er, -- And herecomes the mail orderly. This has togo now. Ill finish it later.Meanwhile, you guys can write, too,cant you? Doug.

DOCMay I see that, Frank?

PULVER

Yeah. Well, this ones from Fornell.

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DOCId rather have it than theCongressional Medal of Honor. Well,Im glad he found that out. Whatsthe matter, Frank? Whats the matter?Frank, what is it?

PULVERMister Roberts is dead. This is from

Fornell. They took a Jap suicideplane. It killed everybody in thetwin forty battery and went right onthrough and killed Doug, some otherofficer in the wardroom. They weredrinking coffee when it hit.

DOWDYCoffee. Could I have that? Like topost it for the crew.

DOCNo, post this instead. Its theirs.

CAPTAINYes, who is it?

PULVERCaptain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and Ijust threw your stinkin palm treeoverboard. Now whats all this crudabout no movie tonight?

THE END