7/30/2019 M.V.P. Most Vacuous Praise by Jennifer Greenstein

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August 26, 2010, 6:52 pm

Complaint Box | M.V.P., Most Vacuous Praise

ByJENNIFER GREENSTEIN

Complaint Box Fit to Be Tied?Send your tales of ire and indignation no more than 500 words, please to:

metropolitan@nytimes.com.

The parents and players on my 7-year-old sons baseball team assembled near the

pitchers mound on a recent Saturday. Under a blazing sun, the boys lined up to

receive a handshake from the coach, a trophy and an entreaty to smile from their

camera-toting parents.

My sons trophy named him the 2010 East Brunswick, N.J., Baseball League

Instructional 7s Most Valuable Player. I was stunned. Had my skinny but

baseball-addicted son really surpassed all his teammates? As the rest of the boys

received their awards, the truth came out: The inscription was the same on every

trophy.

Welcome to parenting in the 21st century. As Garrison Keillor says, all the children

are above average. But is this really what we want to teach our kids?

Whats wrong with recognizing the true outstanding player on the team and letting

some kids know they should consider taking up the violin? Theres nothing wrong

with losing. My son watches his beloved Boston Red Sox lose all the time. This

afternoon, he will probably be watching one of the worlds best Little League teams

filled with outstanding players lose the Little League World Series title to a

slightly better team. The sting of defeat is part of life, a big part.

I have a single trophy from my childhood. It dubs me the Most Improved Player of

1983 code for a klutz with a good attitude at a small tennis camp in Vermont.

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7/30/2019 M.V.P. Most Vacuous Praise by Jennifer Greenstein

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But Im still proud of it. (Its on my living room shelf.) My sons bureau,

meanwhile, is cluttered with trophies, medals and citations from three years of

sports participation, a plethora of adulation and congratulation.

Instead of coddling our children with fake praise and training them to expectconstant applause, I think we should let someone lose and let someone else win.

Our children will learn resilience, and they will understand how the world really

works. My childhood taught me that Id best find something besides sports to be

good at. Knowing that I was not going to be the next Chris Evert, I joined the high

school newspaper. I could try to be Woodward and Bernstein instead.

The adults who commission trophies with accolades for everyone are creating an

impression thats bound to be shattered. And our children will learn to mistrust the

grown-ups who bestow unearned acclaim.

This year, the students at my sons school were treated to a day of games at a local

park. That afternoon, my son came home with a certificate awarded to his team for

finishing in second place.

When I congratulated him, he rolled his eyes. Mom, he said, annoyed, there

were only two teams.

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