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My Cousin's Wedding

One day this past summer I was in my cousins wedding. It was

a small wedding because it wa:s in a small church in our town, so

they couldn't invite many people. Still it was a neat day. On Saturday

morning, I woke up early and ate breakfast as usual. My mom was

all nervus. I was pretty calm. I got dressed. I showered. My mom

didn't like they way i corned my hair over, and she kept trying to

change it. I had to get dressed in my tux after we got to the church.

My dad was just relaxing in the family room and wasn't too excited.

Listening to the music in the church made me start to get a little

nervus. I'll bet the groom was even worse. The bride looked pretty.

Soon it was time for us to go out and watch her come down the isle.

My cousin Jon looked pretty nervus too. She came down the isle he

was looking at the minister and then at the bride the whole time. My

aunt cried the most. He is her youngest she's going to miss him when

he moves out.

While I was standing up their. I really wanted to turn around

and see who all was in the church, but I kept my back to them,

because I didn't want my mom to get mad. I could hear my little

brother once during the quiet parts. The woman who sang two songs

was all right, but the song she sang while they lit the candle was way

too sad it sounded more like a funeral song!

66 Write Source Assessments. Grade 9: Assessment

22 Finally we were at the reception. My favorit part of a wedding.

23 Because I like to eat. I also like dancing. There wasn't many girls

24 their around my age, so I ended up dancing just one slow dance with

25 my cousin, the bride. I payed a buck just to dance with her too. Which

26 was ok except she's so short. I got tired stooping over that long. I

27 danced all the fast songs. The DJ was great. Before I knew it, they

28 were getting ready to throw the garter and take off. I tried to catch

29 it, but this other grooms men got in front of me and won. Then they

30 left on their honeymoon. I think they went to a resort in Florida

31 somewhere. I'd probably go farther away, like to an island. The

32 wedding cake ran out so my mom and Aunt Sue weren't too happy

33 with that otherwise the day was great. I'll always remember being in

34 the wedding.

Narrative Rubric Checklist

Title My Cousins Wedding

_2_ Ideas

• Is the essay about an important accomplishment?

• Does it have enough specific details about the event?

• Does it show the event rather than tell about it?

_1_ Organization

• Does the beginn ing grab the reader?

• Does the middle part follow chronological order and increase the narrative·· tension?

• Does the ending work well?

~ Voice

• Is the dialogue realistic?

• Is the narrative voice natural and consistent?

_2_ Word Choice

• Do the words have the right connotation?

• Are the nouns and verbs specific?

_1_ Sentence Fluency

• Is there a good variety of sentences?

• Do the sentences flow smoothly?

. _1_ Conventions

• Does the essay avoid errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar?

• Is the dialogue punctuated correctly?

68 Write Source Assessments, Grade 9: Assessment

OVERALL COMMENTS

My Cousin's wedding

• This experience was a good choice for a personal essay. However, you skim through the whole day. It would have been more effective to focus on one part of the day, such as the reception, and develop it in detail. You could show readers what the reception was like by including sensory details, dialogue, and your personal thoughts.

• Your beginning does not grab the readers' attention. You do attempt to describe the events in some order. However, more transitions are needed to create a clear beginning, middle, and ending. Also, you do not explain why this event is memorable.

• Your voice shows that you found the experience interesting and enjoyable. Including dialogue would make your writing more interesting to readers.

• Your writing contains words that are overused or too general to paint a clear picture of what happened that day. You should include stronger nouns, verbs, and specific modifiers.

• Your narrative contains many incomplete or short sentences that make the writing choppy. A better variety of sentences is needed.

• Your narrative contains numerous errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation that make the narrative hard to read and confusing.

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