My First Journey

The Awakening

Dara Podber

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My First Journey

• Dedication:

To my family who brought me to The Highway,

To everyone I’ve encountered on endless roads,

and to whatever it is that exists within each of us that never

allows our foot near the breaks:

Thanks for making it such an amazing drive…..

Act I

Our eyes deceive us

allow us to see

not who we are

but who we claim to be….

A performer on life’s stage

always playing a role

I let you see the character

I withheld to you my soul

To some I was the friend

with whom you could confide

when you needed a shoulder

I placed one by your side

To some I was the joker

I gave the gift of laughter

once your smile faded

you didn’t see me after

Dressed up on a Friday night

you saw me as the flirt

on our date the following week

you just saw me as dessert

Some knew me as the worker

the one who tried to climb

most never met the writer

who dreamt in patterns of rhyme

I wore a different mask

entering each new place

Even through a mirror

I barely recognized my face

It wasn’t until I journeyed

alone inside my mind

did I see through the facade

one’s soul is never blind

Beneath every character

that I had at one time posed

lied a hidden poet

aching to be exposed

Now that my first journey has ended

and I’ve revealed myself within

courageously, I unlock all the doors

and invite everybody in

For, unmasked we’re all just searchers

drifting on different roads

seeking meaning from our past

wondering what our future holds

As you read these pages

similar thoughts may have crossed your mind

may my words guide you in your search

in whatever you’re hoping to find…….6/1/97

“Through my

words,

I want you to feel

All that I am,

I beg you to

steal”8/14/96

The Question

Will I Ever Understand?

When I search for answers

it’s questions I find

When I look for meaning

my eyes are blind

I want to unlock my soul

instead I build a wall

When I want to proceed

my legs start to stall

I want to surround myself with people

as I sit here alone

I want to reach for a helping hand

but I tackle it on my own

While I want to get closer

I just run away

I find myself leaving

when I wanted to stay

When everything seems right

I wonder what will go wrong

I try to make things fit

where I know they don’t belong

When I need to sleep

I lie awake

while I can give

I just can’t take

At 26

I still can’t see

where it is

I’m suppose to be

and if I should take off

will I eventually fall?

After 26 years

I know nothing at all…

9/10/96

WHY?

Into a boundless sky I saw a bird fly

while on hampered land man tried to get by

In a crowded hospital room a newborn began to cry

while on a desolate city street, a homeless man waited to die

In a boardroom, a salesman closed with a lie

while on a college campus, a student got high

In a courtroom the accused seeked an alibi

while American patriots ate apple pie

A blind man wished for a seeing eye

while a banker shopped for a designer tie

The newlyweds waved goodbye

while a single girl searched for a single guy

The gambler took a chance and rolled the DI

while a poet wrote a lullaby

…and not a single day goes by

…where I don’t sit and wonder why

8/10/96

Where?

I let a hot, thick breeze

blow through my skin

as I sat outside

thinking about where I had been

All the Mountains I’ve climbed

all the oceans I’ve swam

leave me now wondering

where it is that I am

In all of the places I’ll go

in all of the faces I’ll see

will lead me to wonder

where one day I’ll be

7/17/96

So much I’ve yet to know

So many places I’ve yet to go

Hidden talents I’ve yet to show

So much ink has yet to flow

8/29/96

“Lingering thoughts

pass through the night

If you can grab them,

cling to them tight”8/10/93

Just WonderingWhen you’re lying in bed

examining your worth

wondering why

you’re walking this earth

Remember the road that led you here

every thought, every laugh and every tear

Because all you feel and all you know

are bits and pieces making you whole

differing fragments make us unique

some are strong, some are weak

Together we’ll search, together we’ll probe

to find reason for our walk on this globe

We’re all just patterns of interlaced stitches

in an infinite blanket of varying niches

where life begins with each new seam

sometimes it all feels like a dream

Yea, just intertwined knits

more or less

in the mind of one Al Mighty Seamstress

8/10/93

“Sometimes when I’m awake,

all I do is dream

and sometimes when I fall asleep,

I find out what they mean”

8/13/96

A Break From Reality

Peaceful and relaxed, the vanishing of pain

the comforts of the night diminish emotional

strain

Farewell to the day, I lay my weary head

and view the brightest star from the comforts of

my bed

I close my tired eyes, deeper into my dreams I

sink

I surrender to my subconscious and lose control

to think

Far away I travel, way beyond the door

reality forgotten, in fantasy I’m secure

Until the stars begin to dim

and my dream begins to fade

I journey back to reality

though I wish I could have stayed…2/4/92

The Infinite Sky

I found my wings, I’m ready to fly

above and beyond the infinite sky

In and out of soft clouds I weave

and what I see you just wouldn’t believe

Do you wish to journey with me?

Do you wish to see what I see?

You must close your eyes for they are blind

in order to see, you must open your mind

The weight has lifted, we’re lighter than air

the worries have ended, no pain to bear

Freedom at last, the power to fly

above and beyond the infinite sky

Here we go, hold my hand

let us find our wonderland

above the stars we shall soar

and see the world like never before….

February 1992

Drift Into A Dream

Into a mindful of dreams

last night I drifted

through joy and anguish

I had sifted

On the scale of emotions

the weight had shifted

I awoke this morning

my spirits were lifted

Happiness outweighed the sorrow

now I’m more optimistic about

tomorrow12/26/96

Something learned

something taught

another day

brings a brand new thought

The sun could shine

the sky could pour

another season

opens a brand new door

And in my search

for answers, I find

many more questions

engulfed in my mind6/17/96

Longing For Reason

The sun was strong

the air was cold

in a clear blue sky

was a story waiting to be told

The sky seemed as infinite

as those who walked this earth

there’s as much meaning for it’s blueness

as there is for each and every birth

Maybe an answer lies

somewhere up above

or maybe it’s hidden within

the thoughts we’re all thinking of

I wish I held the reason

for what it’s all about

is it captured in the challenge

during our search to figure it out?

1/13/96

The Search

“All that I’ve seen

and all that I’ve heard

will be told with my pen

through the written word”6/7/96

I Saw Me on A train

I wanted to drift into a dream

shut my eyes tight

but there’s something about riding a train

that always inspires me to write

As I stared outside this window

watching the world go by

I searched to find the answer

As I questioned, who am I

I believe in miracles

I believe in the unknown

I believe in fantasy

I see more than what is shown

I believe in people

those I’ve hugged & those I’ve kissed

Even those I’ve never met

I know somewhere exist

I believe in music

sweet words and rhythm I store

and in my head, I often hear songs

that no one’s ever heard before

I don’t believe in money

though that’s probably a lie

because as I walk along the city streets

there nothing I don’t want to buy

But I do know that true wealth

is the love that makes us thrive

as everyday I grow richer

I’m so grateful to be alive

Just outside this window

a whole world I can see

I believe in reason

I believe in me

The people and the buildings

hills covered by snow so deep

I’m glad I rode this train

and didn’t fall asleep…

12/29/95

The Eastbound Train

The good, the bad, the ugly,

the poorly dressed and the insane

were those who shared my ride

traveling on an eastbound train

One who read the comics

the only section he could understand

Another stared out of the window

as we moved across the land

Two engage in conversation

while another sips his drink

I heard some children laughing

while I watched a lady think

I saw some people standing

wishing to rest their feet

I tried not to catch their eyes

as I sat beside an empty seat

Occasionally we would stop

as the eastbound train toured

some left my life forever

as some new ones climbed aboard

One who sat beside me

and broke my solitude

my luck he had B.O.

and I found that very rude

So I found myself a new seat

next to the cutest guy in the car

He just read, no words were said

It’s much easier in a Bar

At the final destination

I looked around the emptying train

so many I’ve watched come & go

I might never see again

8/26/95

“I don’t want to

change the

world…

I just want to

modify it a little

bit”

7/7/91

Another Breed

Each of us

a planted seed

watered and nurtured

to one day perform a deed

Some were grown to follow

while others groomed to lead

within a vast forest

all binded by a creed

Voices within ourselves

sometimes we need to heed

a fully blossomed flower

aching to be freed

“Let me find my own way”

the flower tried to plead

A mysterious world in which to live in

woven by power and greed

All wanting so much more

than we actually really need

We pay to insure our bodies

yet allow our souls to bleed

we remember to fuel our stomachs

while our minds we forget to feed

When all I really live for

is finding the words for you to read

maybe writers are different

of some other breed………4/20/97

We’re here to make

this world

not fill it...

9/7/94

Manhattan

They built a city to the sky

for the masses to claim their space

within the crowd we search for ourselves

while we struggle to find our place

We choose a little box in the sky

that we can call home base

we fill it with our possessions

so our existence we can trace

Behind the window of the box

shielded by curtains of lace

in solace we search for ourselves

in the mirror that we face

We look beyond the window

where the world is in a race

we step outside our boxes

striving to keep up the pace

We claim we’re busy chasing

the hand that holds the ace

the lucky ones that catch it

lock it in a case

We leave a piece of ourselves out there

that no one can replace

in exchange for something received within

that we never can erase………3/31/97

The Smile

It happens, every once in a while

For some unknown reason, I misplace my smile

where it goes, I don’t know

I keep on searching, high and low

I rip my soul apart, trying

out of frustration, I can’t stop crying

Just when I think it’s gone forever,

I find a way to pull myself together

After the mess I’ve made looking,

all the pieces within me, I’ve tossed,

I look at this amazing world around me

and realize it was never lost

It’s in everyone I touch,

in everything I see,

it’s everywhere I’ve been

and everywhere I’ll be7/26/96

A Lonely StructureI reach for something,

I just can’t touch

alone too long,

I think too much

visiting stories,

they fill my mind

when I step outside

they’re what I hope I’ll find

Stories that live

in a world which I hide

I wish I possessed the courage

to invite someone inside

For loneliness there is a cure

it’s opening up each locked door

why is it so hard to turn the key

and allow others a chance to see

what I’ve tried so hard to protect

what I’ve spent years trying to erect

laying foundations,

plastering each wall

I built it to last

so it should never fall.

Through long, cold winters

it did not erode

through hurricanes in summer

it remained impermeable and bold

Weathering the test of time

year upon year

It’s easy to endure

when you don’t let anyone near.

I could cut the ribbon,

invite people in

maybe I’ll lose

but, maybe I’ll win

I should take the chance,

I know in my heart

but I fear the bricks

may come apart,

fall piece by piece

to the ground

until it all comes tumbling down

Would I be better off chancing its rupture,

or leave it standing a lonely structure?…10/1/95

Standing tall,

not needing a crutch

afraid not of being alone,

but of enjoying it too much…

6/1/97

Looking For

Love:

I’ll Keep Searching

Won’t you join me for the ride

whether over a rocky road

or through a tranquil country side

maybe on a sandy beach, calm and warm

or on a white mountain peak during a storm

on days when laughter fills the room

or on nights when it’s filled with tears and gloom

As each new season suddenly appears

turning months into years

when the passage of time cannot erase

the changes on my aging face

Each minute of every day

may our love for eachother never fade away

When I need to speak, will you listen?

when you see me smile, will you glisten?

When I’m hurting would you feel my pain?

Would you help me to see the sun shine through the rain?

When I just can’t seem to win, no matter how hard I’ve tried

will you comfort my soul and save my pride?

If I should start to drown in a pool of tears

will you dry my eyes and conquer my fears?

For so long I’ve searched, each time I’ve missed

still believing you actually exist

so wherever you are

if you’re searching too

find the piece of my heart

I’ve been saving for you.

2/21/93

Still looking, Sometimes doubting

In a crowded city

I walk alone

looking for you

on my way home

My eyes gazed westward

up toward a pale pink sky

so captivated by the sunset

I might have passed you by

The sky seemed so gentle,

warm and free

at that moment in time

it was so inviting to me

I started to doubt

that we would ever meet

as I felt the cold, hard earth

beneath my feet

I could soar to the sky

from this ground which I stand

but I higher I’ll fly

the harder I’ll land…..

8/30/95

Wasting Time Waiting

Before my very eyes

I watch my world unfold

I spend my time just waiting

for a hand I may never hold

I listen to the heartbeat

of moments drawing near

I spend my time just waiting

for a voice I may never hear

Months turn into years

inside I held so much

But still, I am here waiting

for skin I may never touch

Thoughts collected on paper

yet always left unsaid

Am I wasting my time writing

words which may never be read?

7/31/94

Single

Almost 26, reaching for the stars

still making small talk in singles bars

Just doing the best I can

still searching for my man

Sometimes “single life” feels so alarming

I wonder if I’ll ever find my Prince Charming

Just when I think I see him lurk

it’s time to wake up, and go to work

Everyday is another check on my list

making sure there’s nothing I’ve missed

With a deep breath, I take it all in

I know that where I’m going, depends upon

where I’ve been

I remind myself that everyday possesses a

reason

that there’s meaning found in every season

Sometimes, though, it’s so difficult to see

that where you are is where you are meant to be

10/8/95

Love at First Sight

The lights went on, as they closed the place

filled with lust, their hearts began to race

The sky was turning from black to pure blue

they were both unsure of what next they should do

Before tonight their lives were a blur

He tells her, he was born to this world just to meet her

somehow she knew it wasn’t a line

resulting from stale smoke and cheap wine

the sound of his voice made her believe

and neither one wanted to leave

He looked beyond her eyes, into her soul

and suddenly she felt whole

he pulled her close and brought her in

and place his lips on her suntanned skin

the passion electric, the attraction so strong

and in his arms, she knew she belonged

tighter now, he drew her near

and whispered softly in her ear

“On the Roller Coaster of life, together we’ll ride

hand-in-hand, side-by-side”

She had only met him just a few hours before

somehow he held the key to her heart and opened the door

Just one of life’s miracles that occurs next to never?

she could have sworn she had known him forever

But there was one thing of which she was sure

she’ll know him now forever more7/20/92

First Avenue8/19/95

Aimlessly strolling along a Manhattan Street

never expecting there’d be someone to meet

He looked up as she walked by

he stopped her at the corner and said, “hi”

stopped in her tracks, her knees grew weak

she never before found it difficult to speak

she just smiled, as if to say

wherever you’re going, I’m going that way

There was some kind of connection, they both knew

as they talked and walked along First Avenue

“You know”, he said, “I never take First, with the exception of today,

but something made me turn this way”

Words which made them wonder why

as many faceless people passed them by

They stopped at the next corner, as the light turned red

He noticed an outdoor café and he said,

“Are you hungry? How ‘bout a meal?”

“If you’re paying”, she joked, “you’ve got a deal.”

He chuckled as he took her hand

she was ready to be led into uncharted land

They sat at a table, beneath the mid-day sun

the way the sun shone on her face told him she was the one

The waiter approached, “Can I get you a drink?”

“In a moment please, we need time to think”

In a world of billions where we connect with so few

it seemed silly to focus on the simplicity of reading a menu

“Tuna sandwich, house salad or chicken salad platter,

after being here with you, how could anything else possibly matter”

First Avenue - con’t

“After a half-hour of reading the menu,

what have you learned?”

The waiter said, as he returned

“I’ll have a Spicy Stoli Bloody Mary with a big celery stick.”

And I’ll have a Frozen Margarita made extra thick.”

“Here’s to First Avenue and to future paths together taken

and if I am now dreaming may I never awaken”

From the moment they each raised their glass

neither one noticed the hours pass

Their eyes were locked within a stare

broken by the waiter, who appeared out of nowhere

“Look my shift’s nearly done, and I’m really beat

can you please tell me now what you would like to eat”

“I’ll have a Burger, I’m a meat & potatoes kindaguy”

“and I’ll have a turkey, lettuce, tomato on rye”

He was lost within the sight

of watching her take every last bite

she was amused by the crumbs left on his shirt

“Oh, those”, he joked, “I was saving for dessert”

And within minutes they were on their way

walking passed the sidewalk café

Behind them, the sun gently set

they had forgotten what life was like before they had met

Sunsets went and sunrises came

but after that day, First Avenue was never the same.

Stepping ForwardStepping forward

she glances behind

memory of a lost love

dances across her mind

She ran before her heart could break

she wonders now,

if she had made a mistake

if she only knew then

what is now known

would she be here now, walking

this street all alone?

Stepping forward

she tries to be strong

she wonders why now,

for him she should long

Could he have been the right one

but the timing so wrong?

Each step forward

thwarted with each glance behind

when perhaps in the distance

there is new love to find

Ahead could be chances

waiting to be handed

Facing backward

could leave her forever stranded

Stopped in her tracks

she took one last glance behind

the tangled road paved with her footsteps

she started to unwind

in each faded footprint

held wisdom she amassed

what led her to the next one

was a lesson from the last

when she saw him in a footprint

all her doubts began to fade

when she realized how many footprints

ahead of it she had made…….3/22/97

I awoke alone

to roaring alarms

It’s better than being held

within Mr. Wrong’s arms...

Foolishly trusting

deceptive charms

I’d rather keep searching

than be held in frozen arms

6/2/97

Time To Sit In Traffic

I was crawling along life’s highway

when the traffic got worse

I couldn’t get ahead

I couldn’t go reverse

I made it to the next exit

and found a barren street

my wheels were spinning so fast

we almost didn’t meet

My foot was like lead to the peddle

the wind swept my hair across my face

I almost drove right by you

I was immersed within my pace

I switched my foot to brake

and began to slow down

I glanced through the rearview mirror

and quickly turned around

For a moment, I lost myself in thought

as I shifted gear

I’ve been racing so fast to see what’s ahead

I’ve been missing out on what is here

I vowed to make it a point

to travel the crowded road

I’d rather sit in traffic

than breeze through life alone…….6/15/96

The Road

“Life keeps us moving

in different directions

without mistakes,

there’d be no corrections”

9/8/94

The Choice

I find myself at the end

of yet another Street

I stand and face the Crossroads

at the point at which they meet

I don’t know if I should turn

to the left or to the right

it would be so easy

if I only had foresight

I can’t go in reverse

I’ve taken that route before

it’s time I make my choice

I wish I could be sure

Which ever way I choose

there’ll be no turning back

I must make sure the road

doesn’t steer me off my track

Though I might just choose the road

that I was meant to travel

and perhaps I’ll even find

that all the answers will unravel

I now must make my choice

upon which so much is riding

better to make a mistake

than to be standing still, deciding….

1/7/97

Taking ChancesI’ve taken chances

crossed many lines

I’ve had many losses

and many finds

I’ve made many choices

and it wasn’t before long

did I realize that some were right

and some were wrong

I’ve cried through laughter

and smiled through tears

and always found courage

to conquer my fears

I’ve felt the warmth from the sun

through cold, wet chills from the rain

and always found joy

buried beneath pain

I’ve felt my world crumble

never understood why

never sure if I had the strength to rebuild it

but something always made me try

And through it all, of this I’m sure

every closed window will open a door

there will always be challenges

in life, we must face

there will times

when this world seems like an empty place

and when life seems like a lonely ride

take those feelings and push them aside

because up the road there is another turn

paved the way with lessons once learned

September 4-6, 1994

“As time passes,

many people

will walk into my life

some will stay

some will walk away

and some may even return

but from all of them,

I will learn”

1/14/94

The Highway

On the Highway of life I began to cruise

which roads to follow I started to choose

Behind the wheel, lost in thought

memories of a dear old friend I sought

and for each turn around the bend

I prayed our paths would cross again

but the more I drove, the more I learned

There are just too many roads, and too many

turns….

February 1992

Footprints

We reach up toward the sky

as we walk upon the ground

our footprints leave our mark

our thoughts our only sound

As we sweep

across earth’s floor

we touch upon a spot

where someone’s stepped before

In that single moment

of our foot pressed against the earth

we’re stepping on the footprint

that holds a strangers worth

As I tread ahead

I turn around to see

if the person in my footprint

is wondering about me

8/19/96

“Looking ahead,

looking behind

if I continue seeking

than I shall find”

8/26/95

Finding My WayWhen nothing feels right

but I don’t know what is wrong

I usually have a firm grip

but today I’m not that strong

When the road leads to somewhere

but somehow the paths have crossed

I tried to take a shortcut

only to find myself lost

Too proud to ask for directions

somehow I’ll find my way

tomorrow when the fog clears

how I wish it could be today12/11/92

The CliffI was on the verge

of falling over a cliff

when I closed my eyes

and began to drift

I went back through time

to a child of three

I fell off a swing

and skimmed my knee

and as the blood

rushed to my toes

I looked at the swing

and my body froze

blazing with determination

I ignited my own fire

I climbed back on the swing

and swung even higher

And on this cliff

I’m still holding on

a memory of fourteen

I stumbled upon

It was Junior High

another test

I should’ve studied harder

I should’ve tried my best

When my grades came back

I was surprised to see

I received an A

when I thought I deserved a B

And on this cliff

I tighten my grip

and into my past

I once again slip

Twelfth grade, AP English Comp

with the intellects of my class

The teacher told me

I’d never pass

my stories were dull, way too trite

he told me I just couldn’t write

I suffered through the class

then threw out my pen

it wasn’t until years later

did I pick it up again

I carried it with me wherever I went

endless hours, just writing I spent

At 17, my self-confidence he took

yet here I sit writing my first book

The Cliff (con’t)

And on this cliff

trying to conquer my fears

I find myself back

in my college years

I was nearing the end

of my senior year

reality was calling

but I didn’t want to hear

what would I do?

what could I be?

I didn’t want a job

I just wanted to be free

I thought the “real world” would eat me alive

but I worked hard and always thrived

And on this cliff

I hold on tighter

my past has proved

I am a fighter

He was the first

to steal my heart

my own insecurity

tore us apart

Someone said I’d love again

and on this cliff

I’m still wondering when

But I thought of the Swing

then I thought of the “A”

and all of the achievements

that came my way

Before I can love another

I first have to love me

so I rekindled that fire

I had ignited at three

And from this cliff

I just absorb the view

this world never looked

so inviting and new….

started 9/16/96 & 9/23/96 completed 6/2/97

“Moments ago,

there was so much to say

but countless thoughts

got in the way”9/23/95

This page is intentionally left blank

With the exception of the

words I had just written

The Wonder

Wonder

Not possessing the answers

leaves me to regard this world with wonder

it’s enough to lift me from this rock

that I’ve been hiding under

Sometimes I strive to cease my search,

let future decide my fate,

Viewing life through rose tinted glasses

is enough to fill my plate

Though, a multitude of questions

are all I have to give

I receive so much from my surroundings

I feel fortunate just to live

Between wisdom and astonishment

the struggle leaves me torn

at times I yearn to understand

at times, just thankful to have been born

I’ll return to seeking answers

in every Mountain I climb

but today I’ll just stop and wonder

be grateful for my time

With bewilderment I look around

at the magnitude of it all

just a fragment of something so massive

it usually makes me feel so small

But today I feel like a giant

I could lift my arm and touch the sky

an entity within myself

is making me feel so high…..5/28/97

“Tuesday evening, 9pm

if I could wake up

and do it all over again

I’d kiss the ground,

and hug the sky

and never let

another moment pass me by”5/28/96

Treasured Moments

Days like this I wish could last

too few hours that race so fast

so before this moment becomes the past

I remind myself to grasp it before its pass

because so many yesterdays I reflect upon

were treasures unrealized until they were gone

10/26/96

Clouds took control of the sky

Sometimes,

even a dreary night

could make me high

Let it rain, Let it pour

I’ll sit outside and beg for more…..7/12/96

A Thought From a Half-filled Glass

I remember why I laughed

I have forgotten why I teared

I held what gave me courage

and lost what I had feared

I have embraced each change

as another turning point neared

and when I was feeling cold and alone

a warm heart always appeared

As I rode the highway of life

ahead I often peered

when an obstacle hindered my path

around it I always steered

If tomorrow I must leave

from this world which I’ve endeared

I’ll be glad I tasted life

before I disappeared

11/14/96

The Secret Place

When I’m overwhelmed with thoughts

battling each other inside

there’s a secret place I escape to

and for a while I can hide

This world only I know of

is circular and wide

it’s filled with many answers

and I’m it’s only guide

It upholds it’s own set of rules

to which I must abide

I’m binded by these truths

to which I am forever tied

The comforts of this strange reality

upon which I have relied

have taught me many lessons

and given me a sense of pride

This was where I vacationed

after I had done nothing but cried

I brought back a souvenir of courage

which helped me face outside

The war once waged within

did suddenly subside

through powers of expression

with words I can confide8/13/96

Waiting For My Finding

Reality

never stopped me from believing

Confinement

never kept me from leaving

Suppressing me from changing

never limited my rearranging

Sometimes I go on sleeping

just to keep from weeping

when all of my suggestions

lead to further questions

Answers seem to be hiding

somewhere beyond deciding

I look to my horoscope

for a taste of my future

or a glimmer of hope

Too old to find a prize

hiding in a cereal box

too young not to seek the diamond

buried beneath a mountain of rocks

Everything I sought

is masking as a thought

some may say I’m deep

merely thoughts I choose not to keep

Maybe I’m here to uncover

what I have yet to discover

somewhere it’s all unwinding

waiting for my finding

4/21/97

“In my failure to find

answers,

I sometimes find

reason,

and in my attempts to

understand reason,

I sometimes find

purpose.”1/16/97

The Answer?

The ReasonDisguised as accidental

unveiled, it’s purely reason

which manifests itself

in a future season……

I’ll know where I’m going

when I arrive

I’ll find myself growing

each time I survive

I once thought I was lost,

nowhere bound

I was never missing

just not yet found

I never knew I was chained

till I was set free

I discovered who I am

not who I thought I should be

I never knew I had strength

until I felt weak

I never realized I could climb

until I reached the peak

Always thinking I would fail

until I tried again

never knew I could write

till I picked up a pen

All of my words

were just patterns of thought,

aimlessly roaming,

until they were caught

I’ve spent my past

second guessing each decision

a large price to pay

in my quest for precision

It wasn’t until I looked back

on the road that led me here,

in every turn I chose

did it suddenly become clear…

Nothing in life

is left up to chance

there is never a need

to take another glance

instead of questioning our choices

we should heed our inner voices

On every road,

no matter the turn

there’s something to discover

and something to learn

Though today,

it may be concealed

on a distant path

Reason will be revealed……….5/26/97

Believe in your Dreams

if they’re alive in your mind

then in reality they exist

waiting for you to find…

6/1/97

Never stop searching,

always heed your call

travel that mysterious road

and absorb it all….

6/1/97

Take time to stop and wonder

always believe in you

maybe you’ll find that the

answer

is something you already

knew…

6/1/97

Chances are for taking

Dreams dreamt for making

Restrictions meant for breaking

Sorrow for forsaking

Hearts are for waking

and the world... is just for shaking

6/6/97

…And that was all she wrote

7/7/91 to 6/6/97

So many roads left to travel

so much more I’ve yet to see

we’ll meet again on a distant path

My Second Journey is awaiting me...