Calvary Nexus

Neighborhood Group

Leader Handbook

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Copyright © 2019 by Calvary Nexus All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Printed in the United States of America. Calvary Nexus 380 Mobil Avenue Camarillo, CA 93010 www.calvarynexus.org

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TABLE OF CONTENTS ................................................................................................................................ 3 THANK YOU FOR JOINING THE TEAM! ............................................................................................................ 4 A WORD FROM PASTOR BRUCE .................................................................................................................. 5

FOUNDATION ...................................................................................................................................................................... 6

CALVARY NEXUS’ MISSION, VISION, AND CORE VALUES .................................................................................... 7 WHAT IS A NEIGHBORHOOD GROUP AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT? ........................................................................ 8 WHAT IS A NEIGHBORHOOD GROUP LEADER? ................................................................................................ 9 WHAT DO WE EXPECT FROM A LEADER? .................................................................................................... 10 HOW DOES ONE BECOME A NEIGHBORHOOD GROUP LEADER?........................................................................ 11 AS A LEADER, WHAT SUPPORT CAN I EXPECT? ............................................................................................... 13

LOGISTICS ......................................................................................................................................................................... 14

FINDING GROUP MEMBERS ..................................................................................................................... 15 FIRST CONTACT ..................................................................................................................................... 16 FIRST MEETING DETAILS ......................................................................................................................... 17 DNA ELEMENTS OF A HEALTHY NEIGHBORHOOD GROUP ................................................................................ 20 GROUP VISION ..................................................................................................................................... 21 CHOOSING CURRICULUM......................................................................................................................... 22 LEADING VS. FACILITATING....................................................................................................................... 23 ROLES WITHIN THE GROUP ...................................................................................................................... 25 SPIRITUAL GIFTS IN YOUR GROUP .............................................................................................................. 26 LOVING YOUR NEIGHBORS OUTSIDE THE GROUP........................................................................................... 28 BASICS OF HANDLING CONFLICT ................................................................................................................ 29

RESOURCES ....................................................................................................................................................................... 32

SEVEN MISTAKES OF NEW LEADERS ........................................................................................................... 33 EMPOWERING OTHERS ........................................................................................................................... 36 AUTHENTICITY QUOTIENT ........................................................................................................................ 37 CURRICULUM SUGGESTIONS..................................................................................................................... 38

Table of Contents

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God’s creation of water never ceases to amaze me, and one of the properties I so value about it is the lessons we can learn about life from it. Just as it grows stale and stagnant when not flowing, so we as people grow stagnant both emotionally and spiritually when there is not a constant flow. It’s the flow that keeps the water fresh, physically AND spiritually. I’m personally passionate about Neighborhood Groups because healthy groups provide a venue for that flow.

When we come together in a Neighborhood Group, share life, study God’s Word, and pray together, we are blessed and life flows in. When we concretely reach out and touch our neighbors both inside and outside the group, the life that flows out and makes space for fresh new life. God’s love flows both in and out, and we are refreshed. You, as a Neighborhood Group Leader, have the privilege of helping to facilitate that flow in the lives of the people who join your group!

Neighborhood Groups reinforce Calvary Nexus’ mission, values, and vision. Our mission is to be a movement of Jesus’ followers devoted to loving God and our neighbors. Our values include following Jesus, loving the Bible, creating margin for what matters most, and coming and going together. And our vision is to saturate our community with Christ-centered Neighborhood Groups where we can work fulfill Jesus’ Great Commandments to love God and love our neighbors.

Calvary Nexus’ leaders and staff is praying for you and your group. We are here to serve you, so please feel free to touch base with me, your coach, or any of the pastors. We’re here to support you, share concerns, help you find answers to questions, and celebrate how God is moving!

Your partner in ministry,

Sheri Mergenthal Neighborhood Groups Ambassador

Thank you for joining the team!

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On behalf of the Calvary Nexus community of faith, and the community around us that we call home, thank you for your interest in leading a Neighborhood Group [NG]. I’m confident that you will discover great relationships and the satisfaction of positively influencing others in their growth in Christ. You will also discover that you will grow as a follower of Jesus.

When Jesus was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?” He responded that we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Then Jesus volunteered that the second was like it, that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves [Matt. 22:36-39]. Thus, our aim is to make followers of Jesus who love God supremely and love their neighbors as they love themselves. What is God’s prescription to accomplish this good work?

The practices of the early Church recorded in the Book of Acts appears to be not only descriptive, but prescriptive to accomplish God’s mission [Ac. 2:42-47]. The Church gathered as a larger assembly at the temple to worship God through prayer, praise, and learning biblical doctrine. They also scattered together in homes to continue to grow as followers of Jesus and share life in Christ together. Their genuine love for God, one another, and their neighbors was such a powerful work of God’s Spirit and witness of God’s love that the gospel spread through their community and many people came into an eternal relationship with God through Christ.

We are excited to see what God will do in and through you and your group to draw you closer to Him, increase your love for God and one another, and affirm and appropriate the value of loving your neighbors where you live, work, study, play, and worship! Along the way, we are here to encourage, support, and equip you to lead well. Please don’t hesitate to ask.

Pastor Bruce

A Word from Pastor Bruce

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FOUNDATION

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Understanding our mission, vision, and core values is essential for all of us to be on the same page. God has given the leadership of Calvary Nexus a vision of the mission He wants us to accomplish, and direction for values to help us. Only with a clear understanding of where we are going can we move effectively. If you have questions or are unable to agree with our vision, mission, and values, it is essential that you discuss that with your coach as soon as possible!

Our Vision

God has called us to saturate our community with Christ-centered Neighborhood Groups where we learn to fulfill the Great Commandments to love God and love our neighbors.

Our goal is to work toward seeing small communities of people living out their love for God and others in groups meeting all nights of the week, in all areas of our city, at all times of the day, so that everyone has an opportunity to join and grow through developing relationships.

Our Mission

We are a movement of Jesus’ followers devoted to loving God and our neighbors.

We don’t want to be stagnant. What excites us is the process of growing in our love for Jesus which then overflows to influence the people God brings into our lives through our geography (where we live), employment (where we work), education (where we study), and free time (where we play).

Our Values

We are followers of Jesus. We love the Bible. We create margin for what matters most. We come together and go together.

Our priorities are determined by what we value, and that is reflected in how we live our lives. We want following Jesus, loving the Bible, having enough time for what we value, and doing life with others to be the filter through which we choose how to spend our time, talents, and treasures.

Calvary Nexus’ Mission, Vision, and Core Values

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In the most basic sense of the term, a Neighborhood Group happens when two or more believers gather in Jesus’ name to live out the church’s core values together. This definition is based on Matthew 18:20: “For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.” When a Neighborhood Group’s purpose is rooted in the Great Commandment and the Great Commission, participants will experience life transformation.

A Neighborhood Group is unique because of its three-fold purpose which permeates everything that happens in the group. Groups exists to develop disciples who love God and their neighbors better. In order to accomplish this mission, members help one another to …

1) Intentionally grow in their love for God through Bible study and prayer 2) Consistently encourage one another with words and actions 3) Regularly engage, befriend, and love their neighbors as themselves

Practically, Neighborhood Groups are a way to organize and mobilize God’s people to do the things he has called us to do. “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together … but encouraging one another…” (Hebrews 10:24-25). When this happens, we enrich lives of both participants and those with whom they live, work, study, and play. There are so many benefits to belonging to a Neighborhood Group! Here are just a few.

• Sense of community and belonging • Increased understanding of God’s Word • Encouragement in living out personal spiritual disciplines • Opportunity to learn from one another • Deep, significant relationships • Exercising of spiritual gifts • Experiencing God at work • Accomplishing of more as a group than one can do alone • Comfort in knowing people are praying for individual needs • Support in times of difficulty • Celebration in times of joy • Food and fun!

What is a Neighborhood Group and why is it important?

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A Neighborhood Group leader is a person who takes the lead in creating an environment where biblical community can grow. Notice that a group leader is not responsible for making biblical communities grow -- that’s God’s job (1 Corinthians 3:6-7). The leader simply creates conditions that are necessary and favorable for the life-giving dynamic of an Acts 2 community to flourish. This includes cultivating an atmosphere of love, affirmation, and inclusivity for current members and for newcomers. Lives will be transformed and people will come to Christ when this happens (Acts 2:47).

Neighborhood Group leaders are people God has called to take responsibility for helping others to grow in their love for God and their neighbors. Practically speaking, the role involves the initial organization of logistics and people for gatherings, facilitating spiritual conversations and Bible studies, cultivating love and care for and between members of the group, and empowering group members to love their neighbors better.

Leaders should view themselves as facilitators, not professors or curriculum experts. Good leaders will take initiative with different parts of the learning experience, but mostly their job is to encourage the group as a whole to carry the times of teaching, prayer, worship, and service.

Leaders should be people of prayer. Pray for your group, your church, and other Neighborhood Group leaders in relationship with you. Prayer is foundational to the life and healthy growth of the ministry. It’s extremely encouraging to know that you will always be upheld in prayer by brothers and sisters who can intercede empathetically and strategically for you because of a common role.

Leaders do not take their calling lightly and are responsible for their commitment to God, their church, and their group members. They are people of their word, people of integrity, and people who can be trusted. But we are all still sinners in need of a Savior. Don’t worry! If you hold in your heart a desire to grow in your love for God and people (Mark 12:30-31), you have the stuff that makes for a life-changing Neighborhood Group leader.

What is a Neighborhood Group Leader?

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The most important requirement for a potential Neighborhood Group leader is that they hold in their heart the Greatest Commandments: love God and their neighbors (Mark 12:30-31). The only way group leaders can be effective in all of their responsibilities is by genuinely loving the people in their group. Your first step toward becoming a Neighborhood Group leader was your decision to follow Jesus, and since then you have grown in Him to the point where He called you to lead others. What a privilege! As a part of the Calvary Nexus body of believers, it is essential that you are aligned with our Statement of Faith, Mission, Core Values, and Vision.

Our Statement of Faith can be found at http://calvarynexus.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Calvary-Nexus-Statement-of-Faith.pdf

Our Mission is to be a movement of Jesus’ followers devoted to loving God and our neighbors.

Our Core Values are following Jesus, loving the Bible, creating margin for what matters most, and coming and going together.

Our Vision is to saturate our community with Christ-centered Neighborhood Groups where we learn to fulfill the Great Commandments to love God and love our neighbors.

As a Neighborhood Group leader, you have chosen to join with us in fulfilling the God-sized task He has given us. Thank you, and we’re so excited to work with you!

What are the responsibilities?

• Commit to leading a Neighborhood Group for either one calendar year (including breaks), or for the time necessary to complete a particular class or curriculum

• Communicate with your coach regularly and as requested • Respond promptly to all communication for, about, and from your group • Create a culture where group members grow in their love for God, each other, and

their neighbors • Facilitate Bible learning & prayer during regular NG meetings • Identify and raise up an assistant leader • Attend leader training events held 1-2 times a year • Focus on making disciples who love God and neighbors better • Have fun!

What Do We Expect from a Leader?

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We recognize that new leaders come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences, so we don’t have one-size-fits-all training. Nevertheless, there are some basics with which we need to agree in order to provide integrity and consistency between the groups. For that reason, the following four steps have been developed. How much time is spent on each will be determined by the pastor, coach, or NG ambassador responsible for each leader.

Step 1: Join a Currently Active Neighborhood Group

The best way to understand how Neighborhood Groups at Calvary Nexus are unique is to experience one. Before you consider leading, take time to participate. It will give you insight into what is required of a leader, what is included in a healthy group, how it operates, and how participants feel and respond in a group. It may even help formulate questions you may want to ask before becoming a leader.

STEP 2: Pray & Confirm

Have you been called by God to be a leader? James 3:1 warns us, “Not many of you should become teachers … because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” That’s nothing to fear; it’s just important to know we are called and not moving forward of our own volition. This is not something we can do in our own strength. We need to know we are following God’s will so we can rely on His provision, protection, and wisdom.

Share God’s leading with a trusted believer; do they see God calling you as well? (Proverbs 12:15, 13:10, 24:6) All of us should have personal mentors who serve to make sure we stay on track. Share with a friend or mentor, your current Neighborhood Group leader, a pastor, or someone who knows you well and can affirm God’s call on your life. They will also be your first line of defense when the Enemy attempts to render you ineffective.

Step 3: Online Beginnings

You can find the steps and refer other potential leaders to the process by visiting the “Lead a Group” tab under “Neighborhood Groups” on our website at http://calvarynexus.org/lead-a-neighborhood-group

This online portion consists of reading our NG vision to make sure you are in line with our vision and values, reviewing this training manual, and watching a couple videos at your convenience.

How Does One Become a Neighborhood Group Leader?

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Step 4: Make Contact

Fill out the Leader Interest Form on our website and we will contact you to ensure you have reviewed the resources, to make sure you’ve participated in a current Neighborhood Group to see how they operate, and to put you in touch with a coach!

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Coaching

When you fill out the online form expressing your interest to become a Neighborhood Group leader, you will be assigned a coach. Not only will that coach meet with you initially, but he or she will continue to walk alongside you. He or she will pray for you and your group, answer questions that may arise, help you work through difficult issues or problems, and give you tips that will help you and your group. You can expect to be contacted at least every eight weeks not to be a pest or supervise you, but to support you, encourage you, celebrate with you, and be a friend. Enjoy that relationship!

Training

You will receive regular emails from our Neighborhood Groups Ambassador, providing helpful tools, ideas, and/or encouragement. Both he/she and your coach are available and happy to help you in any way they can, so don’t hesitate to reach out. BTW, you might want to add the Ambassador’s email address as well as your coach’s email address to your contact list so their emails don’t end up in your spam box!

Once or twice a year there will be a training event at the church. Our goal is to use these times to help you connect and build relationships with other leaders, to provide resources to help in your personal life and ministry, and to encourage you. You are an important and necessary part of the ministry of Calvary Nexus, and as such we recognize that you are in the enemy’s crosshairs. These meetings are times when we get to hear one another’s stories, be encouraged, learn together, and celebrate together. Please make these meetings a priority because we each other. Come have fun with us!

As a leader, what support can I expect?

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LOGISTICS

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Before the First Meeting

It’s best to take some steps toward building relationships before your first small-group meeting. Throw a party and invite as many of your friends as possible – you can even encourage them to invite their friends. As people do the work of building relationships on a social level, you can invite them to continue to build those relationships in a small-group setting. Though you may get inquiries from our website, don’t depend on that as the only way for people to join your group. More people join from a personal invitation than by taking the initiative on their own.

After People Have Committed to Attend Your Group

Follow up! Once your meeting day and time have been determined, call people to confirm their commitment; they will probably appreciate the reminder. See “Planning Center” in the reference section for help in using this effective tool.

Send out an e-mail a day or two before the first meeting reminding them of the logistics, and tell them you are looking forward to seeing them.

Don’t be afraid of seeming pesky or pushy. People usually appreciate these thoughtful reminders.

Be sure new members know how to get to the host’s home.

Two seemingly minor matters can play a large role in making sure that people actually show up: food and childcare (see the article in Resources for more ideas). Be sure to provide refreshments for the first couple meetings until you are able to ask someone to take responsibility for coordinating everyone’s participation. As for childcare, clearly communicate how your group plans to care for children; if you will not be providing childcare, ask members if they need any help arranging it.

Once the Meetings Have Begun

In a perfect world we could welcome anyone anytime to join us in fellowship and worship. Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to happen until we are in heaven. Space is limited, relationships are tricky, and people are messy. Decide how and when you will welcome newcomers, what will determine capacity, and how you will plan to raise up leaders who will begin new groups to welcome even more people. Remember, our ultimate goal is to saturate our community with Christ-centered Neighborhood Groups where people can learn to love God and their neighbors better.

Finding Group Members

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In-Person

Every day of the week you have an opportunity to invite someone to your Neighborhood group. Pray and ask God to show you who is ready and who He wants you to invite. Be prepared to share the who, what, why, what, why, and how. Who is involved? What do you do? Why be involved? How can they get involved? Remember, even though our culture preaches individuality and so many people live in their own little worlds, deep down inside people want to be known and want to make a difference. Neighborhood Groups help people be known by God and others, and helps us make a bigger difference together than any of us could make individually.

Website Inquiry

When someone goes to the Nexus website and requests more information about your Neighborhood Group, you will receive an email. Please reply within 24-48 hours. A phone call is best, but if they don’t provide that information, email and send them your contact info. Answer any questions, invite them to your group, and provide the information necessary for them to show up.

It’s okay to ask them when they plan to come so you can make sure to set out enough chairs! If you have not met someone in person, you may also ask if they have any special needs or require any unique accommodations. For example, if you are meeting on a second floor with access only by stairs, it would be important to mention that so there are no unexpected surprises or hinderances once a person shows up.

No-Shows

While we don’t want to pressure or bother anyone, you can show you care by contacting someone who says they’ll show up and doesn’t. That goes for regular members as well as newcomers. Call and let them know you’re concerned and want to make sure everything is okay. Ask them if something happened and they need help. Let them know they are still welcome and you’d love to see them next time.

First Contact

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Part of the Neighborhood Group leader’s job is to create the right atmosphere within the meeting place. This might sound trivial, but physical space affects people on many different levels. You can help your people feel more comfortable by arranging the seating in a circle, having snacks and drinks ready before people arrive, minimizing distractions, turning off the ringers on your phones, and even providing soft background music. All these steps should be taken whether you’re meeting in a home or part of the church building. The important thing is to have them accomplished well before people arrive. This way you can greet them at the door and spend some quality social time with them as others show up and settle in.

Let the first meeting be a time where people get to know each other. This will take time, so be intentional about it. Facilitate the conversation so that each member has an opportunity to share his or her story. For example, you can ask questions like: “What brought you to our church?” “What motivated you to check out this group?” “What do you hope to experience in this group?”

• After everyone has had the opportunity to respond, share your hopes for the group and thank everyone for coming.

• You should take the initiative to close the group’s time in prayer, giving thanks for each person present, and asking for God’s continued blessing on the group.

• Shortly after your first meeting, follow up with those who said they would come but didn’t. Place a no-pressure call just to let them know you missed them. Let them know about what the meeting was like, and that you hope to see them next time.

Brief Options for Childcare A big consideration when bringing families together, especially those with younger children, is childcare. While it’s the parents’ job to make arangements for their specific children, it’s important that the group leader be ready with several options as suggestions. Here are a few options:

• Children are integrated into part or all of the group’s life • Children gather in a separate room. In this situation, they may entertain themselves

(by watching a video, for example) or rotating members of the group may be responsible to provide an activity.

• Children are watched by a baby sitter outside of the group meeting. There are several options for this. Each family can arrange their own babysitter, or they might pool their resources to hire a common sitter for all of the children.

• The most popular option tends to be parents setting up their own childcare arrangements with a babysitter.

First Meeting Details

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Key Skills for Facilitating Relationships Neighborhood Group leaders are responsible for creating an environment where biblical community can grow. They are not responsible for making it grow-that’s God’s job. There are, however, bedrock skills any group leader can employ to nourish growth.

• Encourage fellowship by looking for points of common ground between people and then connecting them. This ability grows with practice.

• Be intentional about involving every person in each aspect of the group.

• Don’t allow strays (1 Corinthians 12:12-26). A leader gets better at this each time he/she observes the biblical commandment not to show favoritism.

• Remember that group leaders are the greatest influencers of the group.

• If you want a warm and hospitable atmosphere in your group, then you must be transparent and vulnerable yourself. The more open you are, the more open others will be. By being real, you help make the group feel safe and inviting. People want to go to a place where they can be themselves.

• Acknowledge and affirm each person’s input. Keep in mind that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, so watch your body language.

• Make eye contact with the person speaking and let them know you hear what they’re saying. You might even restate what they just said to make sure you’ve heard them correctly.

• To the best of your ability, start and finish each meeting on time. You can alleviate some of the pressure that comes with time keeping by building a cushion into your meeting schedule. Social time serve as bookends to your group format. This helps the group feel less rushed and more relational.

• Finally, you don’t have to cover every question you plan for each group lesson. This is especially true with opening questions or exercises (like icebreakers). Feel free to adjust your plans in the moment as the Holy Spirit leads.

• Simply put, if a question or activity doesn’t seem to work for your group or if you don’t think they’re necessary, ignore them. Release yourself from the unnecessary burden of covering everything that’s been prepared. Feel free to skip around. Every group is different and you’ll learn what kinds of questions and activities work best for your group in time. Remember, nobody knows your group as well as you.

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A Sample Agenda Schedules will vary from group to group, of course, but here is a reliable format for each meeting that you can use as a starting place:

• Fellowship/social time: 10 to 15 minutes • Bible study and discussion: 30 to 45 minutes • Prayer and caring for/encouraging one another: 10 to 15 minutes • Closing/Announcements: 3 to 5 minutes • Fellowship/social time: 15 to 30 minutes

If you have a gifted musician among you and your group is open to it, consider incorporating a time of singing as well. Always remember that fellowship is birthed out of a gathering that exists to do what the Lord has called and commissioned it to do (Matthew 18:20). The power for life-changing transformation grows as a group lets itself be guided by the interacting between God’s Spirit and His Word.

Quick Reference Meeting To-Do List

q Reminder emails

q Snack provision

q Room set up

q Bible study

q Worship (music and/or acknowledging God for who He is)

q Share how members loved their neighbors outside the group

q Prayer

q Socializing & celebrations (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)

q Clean-up

q Follow up communication as necessary

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In order to be healthy, Neighborhood Groups must incorporate a few essential traits. Include Spiritual Practices Loving God’s Word is central to our faith and growth as Christians. Make sure your group is centered on the essentials of studying God’s Word, praying together, fellowshipping with one another, and challenging each other to love their neighbors intentionally. Embrace Your Uniqueness If every small group in every place worldwide was exactly the same, it wouldn’t be uniquely relevant to most of the people in the world. In the same way, we must make sure each Neighborhood Group is uniquely designed to accomplish the purposes God intends for it. Has God called you to be a diverse group of people or has He called you to minister specifically to a particular demographic or with a particular affinity? Pray diligently and God will bring to you the people He chooses. Prepare to Multiply DNA carries the instructions for cells to replicate themselves. In order for us to carry out our assignment of making more disciples, we must plan intentionally to replicate ourselves. From Day 1, begin praying for an assistant leader, or leaders, who will be able to replicate what you are doing in order to offer more opportunities for people of our community to become involved and grow in their knowledge of God, relationships with each other, and outreach to their neighbors. Know Your Limits Make sure you have created sufficient margin in your life to take on this responsibility. While a leader isn’t perfect, part of his or her job is to set an example. One practical outworking of this is to know and respecting the logistics of your meeting. Know how many people your space can accommodate and carefully guard the time commitment of your meetings. Make sure you build into your schedule time for breaks (especially around the holidays).Ideally you always want to have room to welcome others, so keep that in mind as you grow and plan to reproduce!

DNA Elements of a Healthy Neighborhood Group

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Your group will be unique from every other group in the world because you are unique and each person in your group is unique. Together, this one-of-a-kind group of individuals with differing backgrounds, interests, gifts, and callings must have a unanimous focus and goal.

“I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.” (Romans 15:14 NIV)

Focus Your focus will be what determines the composition of your group and how you will grow together in your love for God. The leader needs to determine this before the group begins.

• Will you be a neighborhood group, open to anyone willing to attend? • Will you be a demographically-based group based on a pre-determined affinity

(gender, age, stage, interest, etc.)? • Will you be a study-based group focused on what you study?

Goal Your goal will determine how you will grow in your love for your neighbors.

• Are you extroverts who invite people spontaneously and plan events to consistently invite neighbors and newcomers?

• Will you invest regularly in a community outreach such as the Rescue Alliance, the food pantry, Many Meals, or something else you group members adopt?

• Will you grow numerically in order to send out “missionary partners” to start new groups?

There are two basic ways to determine a group’s focus and goal.

• The Neighborhood Group leader decides before the group forms. • The group as a whole decides by consensus. Logistically, this option works best when

the leader selects a few options and presents them to the group to discuss, refine, and determine.

Note that the curriculum you choose to study should intentionally serve your focus and goal. Your coach or the Neighborhood Groups Ambassador will be happy to assist you in evaluating potential options.

Group Vision

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It would be great to have everyone on the same page all the time, but we also recognize there can’t be a one-size-fits-all curriculum for Neighborhood Groups. We recommend you spend at least the first three months using the sermon-based notes available for you and your group at http://calvarynexus.org/neighborhood-group-resources. This is helpful for a new group because so much happens at the beginning: new relationships are formed, new roles are set, time schedules are adjusted, etc. The Study Guides require a minimum amount of experience and preparation time for leaders, and gives the group a common starting place. Should you determine that a different study would best fit your needs, a list of curriculum choices we recommend can be found in the “Resources” section of this manual. If you have another idea, please discuss it with your coach before implementing it.

Tips for choosing and using curriculum

1. Avoid long or fill-in-the-blanks homework as it can place undue burden on group members, become boring or shallow, and/or reduce participation.

2. Always be flexible and willing to scrap the curriculum if it is does not serve the vision or character of your group.

3. Packaged curriculum is meant to serve the group, not the other way around.

4. Find material that is relationally-oriented.

5. Be sure your material is manageable in size.

6. Take a creative approach to communicating your chosen material.

7. The best curriculum uses open-ended questions designed to stimulate discussion.

Good curriculum will reveal two goals

1. It will build relationships.

2. It will provide solid learning content.

Choosing Curriculum

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Prayer is foundational to successful Neighborhood Group leadership. Before a meeting even begins, ask the Lord to impart His wisdom and pour out His peace and power on your group participants seek the truth in His Word. Establish at the outset of a group that the Bible will be the authoritative source of truth (2 Timothy 3:16,17).

When you are ready to facilitate an actual Neighborhood Group discussion, we recommend the “4 R’s”:

Respond to each person who speaks or expresses a spoken/unspoken emotion.

Repeat what has been said in order to bring clarity for the group, and to be sure that you understand what the speaker is really saying.

Relate to your group members by referring to common experiences and emotions. Help them see that they’re not alone.

Re-group the discussion periodically by summarizing the flow of conversation to that point, and by highlighting recurring themes. (This is also a good way to help bring meaningful conclusion to the group’s discussion.)

As a Neighborhood Group leader, you (or your designated appointee for the meeting) are a facilitator during group discussions. Don’t fall into the temptation to “teach,” and don’t feel like you have to deliver all the answers to all the questions that come up. Your job is to be a conversation starter, not a lecturer. While everyone doesn’t need to share something on every question, it’s important that every person be given an opportunity to contribute during the flow of the discussion.

Practical aspects of facilitating discussion on a biblical text

It helps to first read the whole passage slowly and out-loud.

Sprinkle the discussion with a few brief insights, observations, or questions that arose in your mind, leaving space for the insights or questions of others.

As you get into the meat of the discussion, as questions like:

• What stands out to you in this passage? • What impacted you during the reading? • Did you come across something that was new for you, reaffirming, confusing or

challenging? • How can we apply this text to our lives today?

Leading vs. Facilitating

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When you are in an in-depth Bible study be sure to take your time – especially on challenging passages.

Remember that the Holy Spirit is our primary teacher (John 14:26) and let Him instruct and guide you before referring to commentaries. Once the Word and the Spirit have spoken to you, feel free to use Bible commentaries and dictionaries for your preparation prior to your group gathering and to address questions that arise during group. A reliable site for trusted commentaries is BlueLetterBible.org.

Be aware of people with a tendency to monopolize or dominate the discussion time of your Bible study. These are usually your “talkers” and “teachers.” When either type is allowed to go unchecked they will drain the life of your group.

If your group is repeatedly bogged down by doctrinal debates, reel the discussion back in by asking, “What relevance does this have to our lives today?”

Don’t hesitate to contact your coach if doctrinal debates are causing difficulties for you and your group. We are always here to help!

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The only two essential roles are that of the leader and the host. You may be both, but the more your people take responsibility in the group, the more they will be invested and the healthier the group will be. Mentoring others to take responsibility for small roles is also the first step to growing new leaders. Here are some additional roles you may want to consider. If your group is small, one person may take responsibility for more than one lead until additional members are raised up and able accept a role. Fellowship Lead Sample Responsibilities: host meetings, organize meals (hospitality); plan celebrations for

birthdays and anniversaries; coordinate social activities; set up the home/refreshment rotation

Communication Lead Sample Responsibilities: send reminder e-mails/calls; manage phone lists; keep church

website information about the group current; maintain the group prayer list and distribute it to members as you have determined appropriate

Discipleship Lead Sample Responsibilities: serve as an assistant leader; regularly help facilitate Bible studies

and discussion; encourage prayer, worship, and spiritual encouragement; highlight other growth opportunities within the church

Ministry Lead Sample Responsibilities: uphold the application of learning to real life; encourage the

discovery of each participant’s spiritual gifts and involvement in fitting ministry teams; enlist participants for serving opportunities within the group

Evangelism Lead Sample Responsibilities: keep prayer for unsaved family, neighbors, and friends a central

focus of group prayer times; encourage and celebrate participants’ efforts in loving neighbors outside the group; encourage and equip participants to invite unsaved friends to the group; spearhead outreach events or gathering; cultivate an external-focus within the group

Missions Lead Sample Responsibilities: research and facilitate the group adopting a Calvary Nexus

missionary; develop a relationship with the group’s adopted missionary; regularly share prayer requests from the missionary and inspire participants to send regular encouragement in the form of videos, cards, care packages and emails from the group to their missionary; integrate prayer for the nations

Roles Within the Group

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Empower your members to use their gifts for the Kingdom of God. (Romans 12:6-8)

At its most basic, ministry is loving others. It is serving others with our God-given gifts and abilities. People receive more of God’s grace when they let the time, talents, and treasure given to them flow out to others. When this happens Neighborhood Groups, and by extension the larger Body of Christ, are strengthened and supported. Spiritual Gifts in Your Small Group A spiritual gift is a special enablement that God gives each believer, according to His grace, for the development of the Body of Christ. But these gifts aren’t given for our benefit. God has already commissioned you by His Holy Spirit to share them with others (Romans 12:6-8). Spiritual gifts help believers discover their function in the overarching Body of Christ. They are given to help us effectively serve God and effectively advance His purposes in this world. The collective gifts of all the participants within a Neighborhood Group create a roadmap detailing how the group can best experience God’s power and minister to others most effectively. They also help empower participants share the responsibilities for the group and turn its energy and focus outward, keeping it healthy. The following truths about spiritual gifts can help you discern their presence, develop their practice within your group, and deal with any misuses that spring up. • Love is the source, substance, and goal of all spiritual gifts. It’s interesting that the “love chapter” (1

Corinthians 13) is couched right in the middle of the apostle Paul’s discussion about spiritual gifts. If you sense that a group member is exercising his or her spiritual gift in a non-loving way, such as being self-serving or manipulative, you have good reason to exercise caution and dig deeper.

• Spiritual gifts are best cultivated and best used within the environment of the Fruits of the Spirit. This fruit includes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When your group demonstrates these ideals, each member will find it much easier to identify and use their spiritual gifts.

• Spiritual gifts are not for our glory. Spiritual gifts should not bring attention to the people exercising them, but only to the giver of those gifts: Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 2:1,2).

• The use of spiritual gifts should produce peace and understanding. When used properly, these gifts will not “overtake” anyone or become a distraction within the group (1 Corinthians 14:30-33).

• Sowing spiritual gifts produces a harvest of community. There is a gathering effect in the use of spiritual gifts. When exercised properly, they bring people together and bring them to God. The fruit of spiritual gifts should be harmony, peace, clarity, and empowerment. If you don’t see this good fruit in your group, you’ll need to examine the tree more closely (Luke 6:43,44).

Spiritual Gifts in Your Group

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Empowering Group Members to Minister Empowering your group members means helping them do what God has created and commissioned them to do. It’s like holding a mirror up to their faces allowing them to see themselves the way the Lord sees them: as his own children. It means constantly making them aware that you are with them and for them. A primary way you can empower your group members to minister is to ask each person (or couple) in the group to champion a specific aspect of Neighborhood Group life in keeping with their spiritual gifts. Think of yourself as a synergist who is deploying gifts in such a way that people are built up and God’s purposes are fulfilled within your group. To do this, begin by asking these questions:

• What aspects of our Neighborhood Group (e.g. prayer, Bible study, evangelism, and so on) are active and functioning well?

• What aspects do we need to bring to the surface and strengthen? • What help is needed for our group to continue developing the active elements? • What must we do to cultivate the aspects of group life that are presently inactive? • As the group leader, what responsibilities can I safely release to others? • Which spiritual gifts are represented in my group members?

As you lead your small group on this path of spiritual-gift discovery and deployment, the commitment level of your group members will rise dramatically. Your group will become more outwardly-focused, selfless, and effective in sharing Christ through their words and actions. Participants will experience personal spiritual growth and the blessings that come with being a functioning part of biblical community. You are also creating a built-in system for leadership development, which will ensure balanced and healthy growth for your group, and our church, in the future. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when empowering your group for ministry: • It’s best that you share with the group what you are doing and why. Explain what you hope to see

accomplished, why you want to see it accomplished, ways you plan on helping, and how each group member can control the process.

• Make it clear that there is a role for each person, and that any role can be shared or split up over time. Present small responsibilities at the beginning and let them grow into roles over time.

• Let people know that it’s okay for them to “test-drive” a role for a season and then shift to another, if desired. In fact, this is a great way to help participants find the right fit. Start functionally and formalize the roles over time-communicate that nobody needs to worry about getting locked into a role they don’t really enjoy.

• Spiritual maturity will factor into what roles members will gravitate to. It will also factor into their rate of growth. Give it time-ownership is an organic process.

• Be conscious of your own expectations about members’ progress and performance in their respective roles. Instead of pushing maturity, just be ready with lots of affirmation and grace-especially as people take new steps.

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Keep your group healthy by remaining outwardly focused. It has always been God’s intent for His people to bless others. He told Abraham that through Him the nations would be blessed (Genesis 22:18). God sent His Son to show people the way to God (John 14:6-11), and Jesus Himself told us to go and tell others the good news of salvation (Mark 16:15). Because discipleship necessarily involves commitment to others, servant evangelism is a great way to prevent a group from turning in on itself and degenerating. It has been observed that “Groups that don’t reach outside of themselves don’t last long. They typically turn inward and become consumed with the stress of their own interpersonal problems. Relational conflict will eventually erode a group from the inside out.” When your group takes seriously Jesus’ command to love others, they will experience greater connection. Evangelism leads to great group cohesion and helps increase the faith of group members. As the leader, if you don’t take the lead in cultivating an outward-orientation to your group’s life, it is very unlikely that somebody else will. Intentionally encourage, support, and enable your group members to love their neighbors every time you meet. Here are a few ideas for getting started. If you need help with any of them, please talk about it with your coach or the Neighborhood Groups Ambassador; they’re both great resources!

1) Talk about your neighbors when you meet. Ask members how they loved their

neighbors that week and celebrate every contact! 2) Remember to pray together for members’ neighbors (by name when possible). 3) Adopt a missionary. 4) Plan outreach events as a group or even together with another group.

Planning Outreach Events

• The basic idea is to match the specific resources and talents within your group to a specific need in your group’s community.

• Some projects work better than others depending on the size and personality of the group.

• Start by presenting a list of viable options to your members. Working together, come to a consensus on what will work best for the group as a whole.

• Ideally it should take about as along as one of your usual gatherings. • When the day of your project arrives, remind your members to be real and

communicate that what they’re doing comes with no strings attached.

Loving Your Neighbors Outside the Group

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Community is messy business. Differences, disappointments, hurt feelings, and frustrations are all part of moving toward a deeper maturity in community and Christlikeness. In fact, conflict can be the very thing that helps your group break out to new levels of honesty and freedom in Christ. It is essential that you handle conflict by seeking God’s vision, facilitating discussion, and managing the conflict. 1. The key to handling conflict constructively is open communication.

Ephesians 4:25-27 shows us the way: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin.’ Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” • Notice how open communication involves speaking the truth, not stuffing down

feelings, and doing so in love. • Grace reigns over judgment. Love overcomes the temptation to condemn.

2. Open communication seeks mutual growth and takes steps toward reconciliation.

• It acknowledges difficult situations and feelings and does not try to avoid or cover up conflict.

• Conflict avoidance is easy, but has a way of decimating relationships and destabilizing the development of biblical community.

• Open communication is hard work, but it encourages realness and respect, which you have got to have for biblical community to grow.

Matthew 18:15 is probably the most violated principle in handling conflict: “if your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” The first thing believers are instructed to do when they have a problem with another person is to directly and privately address the matter with that person. When people skip this first step in favor of gossip- or to stew in their feelings-they tumble into trouble, and disagreements escalate into tragic relational fractures and fissures.

3. Your job as a leader/facilitator is to diffuse the conflicts that so easily arise from miscommunication and misunderstanding.

• Make it your goal to understand where the other person is coming from and what they are actually saying.

• Begin by asking questions to clarify their perspective: “When you say _____, does that mean _____? Am I understanding you correctly?” If you are frustrated or offended, non-defensively share how you are feeling.

Basics of Handling Conflict

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• Next, evaluate whether your disagreement is about something essential to your life and faith. In Romans 14, Paul reminds us that there are few things that should create division between Christians.

• When you feel like you have arrived a solution, say so. • Make sure the other person sees the solution the same way you do and feels that a

resolution has been made. • Finally, look for an opportunity to seal your conversation and decision through prayer.

4. Biblical Principles for Dealing with Conflict

• Don’t tolerate gossip. • Gossip is a sin that betrays another. • It is divisive, destroys trust, and deeply affects even those who only listen to it. • its presence will significantly reduce the level of trust in your Neighborhood Group.

(Prov. 18:8, 1 Tim. 5:19) • Expose and eliminate dissension. • get to the root of it immediately and address each person involved (Prov. 6:16-19). • The Bible says that hatred, a hot temper, perversion, greed, and anger all stir up

dissension. • If a member of your group acts out any of these, go to them privately and get to the

bottom of it. • Watch the joking. • Don’t allow the enemy to gain a foothold through misplaced or misinterpreted words. • Remember these three points when it comes to joking around:

o “Just having fun” should not be used as a justification for making other people feel bad, or for using them as the butt of a joke (Prov. 26:18,19).

o Joking does not give someone license to use slander, gossip, filthy language, impure images, or obscene references (Eph. 5:4).

o Addressing inappropriate joking is a powerful demonstration of your love, both for the person making the joke and the audience (Prov. 27:5). If something is said that another person might mistake as a personal attack or criticism, clear up the matter at once.

• Watch the sarcasm. • Even if sarcasm is delivered in good humor, it can rouse anger (Prov. 25:23). If

someone makes a slick comment about another community-group participant, ask the speaker to clarify what was just said. Sometimes this is enough to mend the matter; other times, situations may make it necessary for you to mediate between people.

• In either case, deal with sarcasm immediately in your group before it deposits a virus that develops into a plague.

• Nip quarreling in the bud. • Don’t allow theological arguments over non-essential doctrinal issues to threaten the

health of your group.

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• This kind of quarreling leads nowhere and only frustrates those who have to listen to it (2 Timothy 2:23,24).

• Don’t fall prey to “artificial niceness.” • Keep in mind the distinction between quarreling and conflict. • A healthy Neighborhood Group does not mean an absence of conflict. • If you sense anger stirring within your group-or between members of your group-don’t

try to cover it up or avoid dealing with it. Call it out.

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RESOURCES

c

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When you’re in the hot seat it’s easy to make mistakes. God is not looking for “perfect performance,” but for hearts that want to love Him and others. 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 1. Not Being Yourself

a) Authenticity is the key to success as a neighborhood group leader. People won’t put up for long with a neighborhood group where people aren’t genuine with each other

b) The greatest influence on the authenticity within a neighborhood group is how authentic the neighborhood group leader acts within the group.

c) Confess sins and admit faults. Don’t try to project an image of perfection. d) Ask for help when times are tough. The health of the neighborhood group is directly linked to the degree of freedom that members have to be themselves, and that starts with the leader. Note: People want to go someplace where they are loved for who they are rather than who they feel they have to be. People follow the lead of the neighborhood group leader in this way more than you realize. Demonstrated vulnerability from leadership has tremendous “imprinting power” that can ensure the health of the group for the life of the group.

2. Trying to Do It Alone The biggest preventable mistake made by neighborhood group leaders comes when they try to carry too much, the “I’ll just do it myself” syndrome.

Signs of doing it alone a) Not identifying an assistant leader.

• We must follow the examples of Jesus and the apostle Paul by developing assistant leaders to help us do ministry (Luke 6:12-13; 2 Timothy 2:2). The impact of your leadership is increased tremendously with the support of assistant leaders.

• Assistant leaders lighten your load and provide backup and perspective. • Other leaders are needed if a group plans to manage their growth multiplying so

that more people can be reached and included. b) Not asking individuals within the group to take ownership of different aspects of the

community group’s life prevents new leaders from emerging. c) Neighborhood Group leaders can save a lot of time and mental energy by finding an

administratively-gifted member to take care of follow-up phone calls, contact information, and tracking birthdays and anniversaries.

Seven Mistakes of New Leaders

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d) Not facilitating discussions.

Group leaders can fall into a trap when they think of themselves as teachers or one who has to become an expert on a subject and then create an interesting and educational “lesson” for each group meeting. Instead, group leaders should view themselves as facilitators. They need to be prepared, yes, but the entire burden for working through a curriculum should never rest on one set of shoulders.

3. Not Loving Neighbors Outside of the Group

a) It is natural for a Neighborhood Group to become self-focused if you aren’t intentional about creating a culture of loving your neighbors outside of the group.

b) A self-centered group becomes ineffective not only in discipleship, but also in evangelism (Matthew 28:19-20).

c) If the group leader is not deliberate about nurturing an outward focus to the group, community weakens and eventually the group implodes.

d) A simple way for a group to start becoming more outwardly focused is to intentionally pray for the unsaved neighbors of group members.

4. Finishing Bad Curriculum

Sometimes small group curriculum kills small groups. Here’s a rule of thumb: if some- thing is not working, end it and move on to something else. We recommend avoiding curriculum that requires a lot of “homework,” or has many leading questions and fill-in-the-blanks. Instead, look for curriculum that engages people’s minds, encourages interaction, and builds relationships. Failure to be Creative a) Don’t lose your creative edge when leading a neighborhood group. Keep things fresh. b) Be spontaneous in changing your group’s routine. c) Be sure to have social outings together that are just for fun. d) Find ways to mix things up with each new season.

5. Being Inflexible

There’s no schedule you have to keep, so take the time to let your group members love on each other instead of rigidly trying to stick with a pre-planned agenda. For example, when members are going through a hard season, your group should take the time to stop, listen, and pray for them. When crises come, call an emergency meeting. Or cancel an existing meeting to celebrate a triumph. By allowing for a natural ebb and flow to when and how your group gathers, you build its resiliency and create an organic structure that fits in with your participants’ lives. In turn, they’ll sense what you’re doing, appreciate it, and make more room in their lives for the group.

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6. Not Knowing What Makes Your Neighborhood Group Special

As a leader, it’s vital that you take the time to learn who is in your group. This starts with your first gathering learn about those who came. Here are some questions keep in mind for each group member. • Who are they? What are their personal passions, professions, and other interests? • How long have they been at the church? • What are they hoping to get from the neighborhood group? This first conversation influences the way in which your group engages with you and the lesson or study. Always be listening to what people have to say and where they’re at spiritually.

Remember the basic principles a) Your neighborhood group will be healthy when people feel loved. b) It isn’t all up to you as the leader, but you are the primary catalyst. c) Don’t forget about God. A Neighborhood Group leader is the person who takes the

lead in creating and maintaining an environment where biblical community can thrive, but it’s God who does the growing.

“I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything. Nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” (1 Corinthians 3:6-7).

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Here are some things to remember when empowering individuals or your group for ministry.

1. Explain what you would like to see accomplished.

2. Explain why you want to see it accomplished.

3. Make it clear that there is a role for each person.

4. Give small responsibilities at first and let them grow into roles over time

5. Assure people that it is ok to “test drive” a role for a season then change to something else if they want.

6. Be conscious of your own expectations; instead of pushing, be ready with lots of affirmation and grace.

Empowering Others

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Ref Nicole Unice https://www.christianitytoday.com/women-leaders/2012/february/leadership-aa-way.html?paging=off

1. I can readily name a couple of areas of temptation to sin. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

2. I maintain the same sense of self at home, at work, and in ministry. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

3. I regularly take time to take a "searching and fearless moral inventory" with God and with myself. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

4. I have confessed my sins, fears, and/or insecurities with a trusted friend. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

5. I have sacrificed my own agenda for the sake of my team. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

6. I consistently seek ways to promote unity within my ministry team and the church as a whole. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

7. People who know me well would consider me humble. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

8. My devotion to Jesus comes before anything else in ministry. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

9. I can name several of my strengths and weaknesses. q Always q Sometimes q Rarely q Never

Give 3 points for Always, 2 for Sometimes, 1 for Rarely, 0 for Never. 23-27 points: you have a good grasp on authentic leadership. Your example is a model for others to experience the freedom of authentic relationship with God and others. 17-23 points: You have areas of authenticity in your leadership, but also some growth opportunities. Consider why you've needed to mask yourself in leadership, and how you can take the next step in authenticity. 10-17 points: Genuineness seems to be an issue for you. Perhaps past difficulties have created some patterns of relating where you feel you have to "act" a certain way. Consider asking a trusted friend if he/she agrees with your assessment, then act on incorporating some of these areas into your life. 0-10 points: Red Alert! You are headed for ministry injury—to yourself or others. Consider visiting an AA meeting as a guest to experience an environment of humility, confession, and devotion that can inspire you to make some much-needed changes.

Authenticity Quotient

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Our primary recommendation is always the Neighborhood Group Study Guide associated with the week’s sermon. Copies are available at http://calvarynexus.org/neighborhood-group-resources or by subscribing to our weekly newsletters at https://us11.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=d4a5f02f158a7d27d9672e159&id=ca338e0abb.

If you choose to follow something other than the Study Guide, please first discuss it with your coach! Other recommendations are available by talking with your coach or emailing the Neighborhood Groups Ambassador.

Curriculum Suggestions