newsletter of the atlanta area chapters · of heart. spring was our reward for surviving the...

Newsletter of the Atlanta Area Chapters March - April 2002

"The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive."

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The issue, finally distilled to its essence, is revealed as not so much who you were as who your example inspired us to be. Because we walked beside you in life,

we grew strong enough to handle grief, determined enough to endure emptiness,

wise enough to cry when hurting, brave enough to start over every day.

We are different people from the ones who accompanied you on your journey.

We don’t think the same or look the same and we certainly don’t feel the same.

Every event plowed and furrowed our souls, shaping us into fields of unconditional love

capable of bearing an inexhaustible harvest that will always and forever exceed our need.

Our choices in the new world thrust upon us are whether we shall limit our experience

to daily memories of grief, pain and sorrow, or opt for deliberate expansion of heart and mind. Whether we shall define your passing as the ending

of all we cherished and sought and dreamed, or lean into the loss to reveal an opening

we never thought possible or let ourselves see.

An opening that beckons and promises a transcending, a separation from the grief

everywhere-present like the fine dust of an explosion. A hidden place where tears give way to freedom,

hearts recover and songs begin to play again. A shelter where your legacy of victory heals, revealing the power of seeking joy in sorrow

and the bliss of finding peace in what is.

Copyright © Harold G. Hopkins, May 2001. Lawrenceville, GA TCF In loving memory of Lance Porter Hopkins, July 1975 to November 1999

TCF

VoiceLink Atlanta Area 770-491-8784

anta Area Chapters Web Site

www.tcfatlanta.org

CF Atlanta Area Chapters P.O. Box 656

Tucker, GA 30085 sletter Editor, Jayne Newton

770-923-5356 [email protected]

tlanta Area Chapters

Atlanta (Tucker) 770-923-5356

Atlanta (Tucker) Siblings Siblings Group 770-690-4295

Ben Hill 404-768-5440

Gainesville 770-287-1239

Jonesboro 770-957-6610

Lawrenceville 770-932-5862

Marietta 770-424-1548

Rome 706-235-6108

Sandy Springs 770-410-9819

nyers Parent Bereavement Group

770-483-1267 eorgia Regional Coordinator Kathy Malone 770-979-1763

Atlanta Area Chapters March – April 2002 of 23

News from the JONATHAN NICHOLAS LONGO JULY 16, 1986 - MARCH 20, 1999 March 20, 1999, the day that changed our lives forever. The morning started as a usual Saturday but for some reason time seemed to move at a snails pace. I kept wondering what it was that made this day seem so different. Little did I know that our precious son Jonathan would be leaving us on his path to heaven. It was noon and Jonathan went with his friends to a beautiful creek to have lunch in the woods. They pushed on a dead tree, hoping to make a bridge to cross the creek and the tree snapped from above and crushed Jonathan's head against the base of another tree. One child stayed with him as the others went to call 911 and ran to get my husband and me. We ran thinking that he must have twisted his ankle or something minor, never expecting the horror we were about to see. A large tree branch lay on top of him and he was barely breathing. We removed the tree and turned him over when I realized that this was not a minor accident. I told Jonathan how much I loved and appreciated him in my life. I also told him that if the ANGELS were surrounding him, that he was needed in heaven to do GOD' work. I am a health professional and realized that I needed to perform CPR. The paramedics arrived and continued the CPR until we arrived at the hospital. I was met at the ER by the doctor telling me that there was no hope for Jonathan. I waited until my husband and daughter arrived to talk with them and make the decision to stop the life support. They weren't able to establish a heart beat since the accident. Because of lack of heartbeat, we were only able to donate his heart valves through Lifelink. Earlier in the day, Jonathan had told me that he was to be honored at school for a poem he wrote for the Reflections PTA program. When we arrived home from the hospital, I asked my daughter to go to the computer and find the poem. We were truly shocked when we read it. SUDDENLY YOU TURN AROUND AND HEAVEN IS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS Suddenly you turn around, And you hear an angel sing a lullaby. The words are so emotional, That you begin to cry.

The angel cries, Just like you, Because the emotion sweeps over, And the tenderness too. You see many colors, All so bright. All so beautiful, On this starry night. Pink, orange and blue were the first that you saw. Then came yellow and green. Violet and fawn were next. Finally, mauve and cream. The angel made these colors, All so very new. The angel just flapped her wing, And the colors came into view. She flew so high, She flew her very best, She asked you, Can you take the test? White feathers started shooting Out your back. They started making wings, But there was something that lacked. The wings lacked luster, The beauty of life, The angel saw this and knew they weren't right. The angel said "Fly away, Be free" You say " No, I'm scared, Help me." The angel said" Do not be frightened, Do not fear. I am pure comfort, And I am here." You feel truly safe, For once in you life. You feel separate, From all the pain and strife. You pray for a minute, Not knowing what to say. You look at the angel, Then she looks away. You build up courage, And start to fly. What happens next, My, oh, my. You fall long, On a journey to black. Then you figure out, There is no turning back. You wake up in your warm bed, Hot and sweaty. You need comfort, Reaching for a Teddy. When suddenly you turn around, And hear an angel sing a lullaby. The words are so emotional, That you begin to cry. You will remember Comfort, And all of her love. Going solo, Is like a black dove.

TCF Atlanta Area Chapters March – April 2002 of 23

The Angel Who Tends to My Garden There's an angel who watches the flowers grow And keeps each leaf in perfect shape. Oh this Angel watches over my special garden. And never lets one iota of love escape. For this garden grows inside of my heart. My Angel won't let it be torn apart. The flowers bloom each & every day for the gardener wouldn't have it any other way. Oh yes, I have a special garden, my friend. And I know that somewhere at the end The Angel who tends to my special garden ... Will be back in my arms again. Oh I smell each rose that blooms & think of you. The Angel who tends to my garden. You've taken time to make sure that the water in the garden is pure. A bucket filled with tears we endure; And will time & time again. This Garden is full of beautiful flowers always arranged for view by the best. Oh yes, I know this garden will forever give beauty As long as you are my Angel's honored guest. ~Author~ Kaye Des'Ormeaux Copyright 2001 Kaye Des'Ormeaux Dedicated to the Moms & Dads & loved ones who just need a hug at this time. November 9, 2001

W.E.S.L.E.Y W- Stands for his "willingness" to help other peopleE- Stands for the "encouragement" he gave to otheS- Stands for the "silly" things he did & the "sportshe played L- Stands for the "love" in him E- Stands for the "effort" he put into everything Y- Stands for the "young" active person he was By Brooke Carithers, Ellenwood, GA In Memory of her Brother Wesley Carithers

2002 I Resolve

TCF Atlanta Area Chapters

...

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I resolve to surround myself with

beauty, even when beauty becomes blurry and

I am filled with tears;

Even when I am brought to my knees in pain and grief and I can't seem to

pray; I resolve to look up.

I resolve to wrap myself up and hold me close and to let others, who understand, love me-

If others have a difficult time understanding,

I resolve to love them.

I resolve to listen a great deal when I can and talk a great deal when I need to.

I will share myself.

I will not give myself away.

I will let go of anything that hinders joy.

I will be gracious in the knowledge of letting go.

I will sift and sift and sift some more.

I will know, by sifting that I am choosing life over

Living death, victimization and unwarranted martyrdom.

I resolve to be fully present to life and

To remember my birthright as A beloved child of God.

I will be thankful for gifts of the heart;

They are priceless gifts to The soul.

I resolve to remember my Beloved child with joy and gladness

For his life and to Live my life with full knowledge

Of Eternity.

---Kerry Marston Lovingly lifted from Tributes Online Newsletter

March – April 2002 of 23

FINDING SPRING AGAIN By Cathy Seehuetter, TCF St. Paul, MN It is the end of February, which means we are nearing the end of what has often been a brutal winter. While gazing at the mountains of snow piled high in my front yard and the foot-long icicles hanging from my roof, it is hard to imagine that spring will ever come. We have endured bitter cold winds that have chilled us to the bone and treacherous roads that we have cautiously traveled. The days have been long and dark and often free of sunlight. No matter how long you have been a native of the Upper Midwest, I know we all will be glad when it comes to an end. However, as I described these thoughts about winter, I felt as if I was describing the days of my early grief. At that point, I did not believe that a day would ever come when I would thaw from the chill that had overtaken my body and mind. The bleakness of my existence during those early months after Nina died is almost frightening to remember; it is so difficult to even conceive of that much pain. I was anesthetized from some of its cruelness by the protective blanket of numbness that blessedly shielded me from the gale force of such overpowering sorrow. How could I ever feel spring in my heart again? Spring had always been my favorite season. The air had a certain freshness to it that I would drink in. Simply put, it always made me feel happy and light of heart. Spring was our reward for surviving the freezing winter months that preceded it. It brought a smile to my face and a bounce to my step. However, it was the spring of the year where my heart was irretrievably broken. It was during this exquisite season of warm, lilac-scented breezes and sun-kissed mornings where my sweet daughter Nina's life would end. I wondered if my thoughts about spring would never be the same. Rather than anticipate with gladness the coming of spring, I dreaded it with the knowledge that it contained the anniversary of her death. The smell of the air and the look to the sky that I once found exhilarating now brought me back to my darkest day. I know that anyone, who has lost a loved one to death, no matter the season, understands.

Will spring come again to your life? In the almost six years since Nina died, has it come to mine? Looking back at my description of the winter of "my early grief", I know that I have come a long way from that time of desolation. I have found, especially after the first two years, that with each subsequent spring, I have rediscovered some of the pleasure I used to feel. I have learned that just because I have found things to feel joyful about again, it doesn't mean I am dishonoring my daughter's memory. I now take her along with me in my mind and my heart. I try to retrieve memories of the dandelion bouquets she so carefully gathered and presented to me, the rides to the park in the Radio Flyer, our talks while sunning on the deck, and, of course, shopping for spring clothes! Her favorite pastime! I will always feel tenseness, apprehension and sadness as May 11th draws near, but I no longer hold it against spring. It is a slow, difficult journey, this grief pathway we travel. It is as treacherous as the roads we maneuvered following the winter storms, never knowing when we will hit an icy patch on the road and be thrown into a tailspin. Yet, we must travel it if we are to find any measure of peace and healing. Please be patient with yourself as you are working hard to survive this winter in your heart. Trust that spring, though a much different one than the one we knew before our beloved child died, will come again.

Remembering Go ahead and mention my child The one that died, You know

Don't worry about hurting me further The depth of my pain doesn't show.

Don't worry about making me cry

I'm already crying inside Help me to heal by releasing The tears that I try to hide.

I'm hurt when you just keep silent

Pretending it doesn't exist I'd rather you'd mention my child Knowing that he has been missed.

You asked me how I'm doing. I say "Pretty good" or "fine"

But healing is something on-going I feel it will take a lifetime.

By Elizabeth Dent


Suggestions on Remembrances My Parents Are Survivors would like to combine our knowledge to bring you a few ideas for acknowledging your angel's birthdays and anniversaries. The loss of a child sometimes makes us wonder if we are doing the right thing when we want to do something special for them. Below you will find a some of the ideas our members have tried themselves. ~reprinted with permission from My Parents Are Survivors Online Support Group Web Site http://www.moms-dads.com/memory.html

Balloon Releases Purchase helium balloons (the number to match your angel's age) to release at their graveside on their birthday or heaven date. Invite your family and friends and/or friends of your child to share their memories about your child with each other. You may also put your child's name on the balloons or place forget-me-not seeds inside of the balloons. When the balloons burst, the seeds will scatter and grow. One member said she released balloons with Forget-Me-Not flower seeds inside them. (If the balloons burst, hopefully the Forget-Me-Not flowers will soon grow and bloom in her child's memory some where.) That year they also attached little note cards saying in Memory of her daughter with the birth and death dates. She also attached a return address label and asked the person, if found, to please send to the address. A week later she received one of the balloons back. A bank president in a neighboring state found her balloon in his parking space at work. He thought it was trash at first but after picking it up and seeing the note realized it was much more. He took it inside and shared it with his co-workers. He said there was not a dry eye in the house. He wanted to let her know how much she had touched him for he had just recently lost his father. She did the same thing again last year and received one card back from a woman in a neighboring county. She said she was touched by it also. And the member was touched, to see how far her love for her daughter could reach and just how caring some strangers can be. Shared by Kathy Thompson.

Memory Quilt There are a lot of our children's clothing that we just can not part with. Use your child's clothing to make a memory quilt. One of our past craft projects explains in detail how to make a beautiful memory quilt. Looking at each square of clothing can bring back another memory of the happiest moments in your life.

Memory Scrap booking If you have lots of photos of your child, a good way to spend your time is Scrap booking! The memory book is a creative way for you to preserve your child's history using their photos. This is a project the entire family can participate in while at the same time each family member will be able to get their creative juices flowing. Each will have their own special style for their scrapbook page/s/. Materials can be purchased at stores such as Michaels, JoAnn's Fabrics, and other similar places.

Angel Recipes A while ago, Jo Ann Taylor submitted a wonderful idea. For those who enjoy cooking, you can create a special recipe for your child and name the recipe in your child's memory. We made a web site to show some of the artistic members how to make special recipe cards to include with gifts.

Memory Garden Choose a special area of your yard to create a garden in your child's memory. You may also want to think of a theme garden and plant a special tree for your child. Another theme could include planting a rose bush on every birthday. Place concrete stones with your child's name and birth date. These may lead from your backdoor to the garden. You may also place statues of angels in your memory garden. Place a sign with the name of the garden, such as "John's Garden" or something to that effect. Place a nice bench so that you may relax in your child's garden. Working in your garden can bring serenity and a lasting place of beauty. There are many possibilities. Choose a theme that you enjoy the most.


TCF Atlanta Online Sharing Many nights I spent alone in thought about the loss of my child and the loss of other parents children. Not only did I or do I cry for the loss of my son (through the years I have learned to live with it) but for the loss of all our children. We are the ones that know the pain from this loss, we pray that not another parent has to feel what we have had to and always will feel from this. My family always says "Valene I do not know how you do it or did it, I could never handle it or live with it" Well my answer was always the same "I did not ask for this it was thrown on me I had no choice. I did not say take my child from me." So when someone says to you "I don't know how you do it, I could never handle it.” You tell them “well neither could I but I had no choice.” The only choice we have is the choice of going on with our lives as our children would want us to do or give up. Giving up I thought about many times but then I thought of my son and I decided to live, only live in a different way, without one of my son's. I am no pro on how to go on. I do not believe anyone is but I have found my peace and a way to deal with my life now. For one thing, I speak of my son all the time as if it has not been 6 years. When people ask how many children I have I say 3, I do not try to hide the fact that I lost a child. It is now part of my life and I live with it. We talk about him often, as I will always remember him and I want his brothers to always remember him. The brothers speak of him (maybe not as much as I do). So I say to anyone who needs a friend when they are feeling sad or lonely, or whenever they want to talk about their child or just the weather, feel free to send me a note and I will be more than happy to chat with you. It is a good listening ear we need a lot of the time. I have learned so much in the last 6 years but I will save that for another time. May God be with you all and my love as well.....

Walking Alone

Moonlight is shining down, there is a soft wind blowing. Walking along the beach alone, the sea spray gently

caresses my face and I think of you.

Alone as I walk, I feel your presence near me. Then your hand reaches out and touches mine.

I hear your voice say, "It's alright mom I'm here with you."

We walk hand in hand talking of happy times, laughing and smiling.

I turn and hold you, “I love you Chris”.

I no longer feel so alone. You look into my eyes and

see tears of joy fall down my face.

You wipe away my tears and say "Mom I am happy, I am safe now

It will be alright, YOU will be alright."

We walk and I feel you let go of my hand, I turn and you are gone.

My tears again return, but somehow I know you are always with me and I will always love you. You will always Be my baby Christopher.

Valene (Christopher's mom) Oak Harbour, WA

September 21, 1981 - June 14, 1996


Almost Two Years On April 3, 2000, we began a journey like no other we have ever undertaken before. It is an experience that only those that have lost a child can even begin to understand. It is a journey filled with pain, sorrow, and many unknowns. The path is a rocky one complicated by steep hills and treacherous valleys. When you reach the top there is light and warmth, then unexpectedly you are headed down into the depths of another dark valley. How did we get to this foreign land? How do we go back to the comfort we once had? Then the realization hits: THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. We are banished into this unknown area for the duration! We must learn to adapt and change our lives to suit this new period in our life. Many things look familiar, and some of our friends and family have come along. Yet we see faces we thought we knew and they don’t recognize us. Have we changed that much?? They speak to us as if strangers. They no longer call or visit with us. Another cross to bear in this unusual journey! Just over two months into the journey, we are contacted by someone from a group called The Compassionate Friends. They are experienced in the type of travel we now find ourselves involved in. We meet many having suffered a similar loss. Knowing this is of a small comfort. We share stories and tears. We hug and whisper our child’s name. We tell of our memories that we cling to and show pictures of better times. There are smiles and nods of acknowledgement. There are tears sharing the thought that there is a future that will not be shared with a loved one. For us the shock and numbness starts to wear off after six months and reality sets in. Thanksgiving turns into a sad tear filled meal staring at an empty chair. No words are spoken, just a small stream down each cheek flows. Christmas has lost its magic. Then January brings our Jessica’s birthday followed by her mom’s eight days later. The “Happy” no longer applies.

Going to meet with two chapters of these wonderful TCF folks helps a lot. We get to meet new people and help others like we had been helped to learn about our new “life”. For some reason, the Fourth of July is a “bump in the road” that shakes us up for about three weeks. September 11th brings about a great sadness. Many others have joined us in the journey all because of the cruelty of humans to their fellow beings. We ask WHY??? But there are no answers. In October, we go to the trial of the man that killed our daughter.. He denies he did anything wrong. He feels it was an unfortunate occurrence that he couldn’t avoid. The judge disagrees and sentences him as best as he can for a “MISDEMEANOR”. We avoid Thanksgiving 2001, not even having the traditional dinner. Christmas is tougher that year, decorating bringing about much sadness where joy once was abundant. We turn to helping others even more, dedicating our efforts to our Jessica’s memory. Still confusion and sadness is part of our daily routine. January finds the closeness of patriotism from the September tragedy has worn off.. Our wonderful representatives “of the people” are back to “politics” instead of caring for the people they represent. They turn their attention back to the almighty dollar and its affect on the path we as the human race have taken. “Me, Me, Me” instead of “We the People”! Should we leave our area and try a new path? Will that help or hurt? Will we regret leaving the familiar landmarks with the accompanying memories? What about the new TCF friends we have met? Their support has been a Godsend! We struggle with our plans even as I write this message. We travel the rocky path even as more boulders are strewn in the road and hope for the best. Pray for us and this place called Earth.

May God have mercy on us weary

TCF Atlanta Area Chapters

travelers and grant us peace and the strength to go on. Dan Bryl In Memory of my daughter Jessica Lyn Bryl January 19, 1977 – April 3, 2000

March – April 2002 of 23

Grant Us Strength and Wisdom Almost two years now, we miss you very much, We long to see you, and feel your gentle touch. Heaven has probably been a busy place, for sure, That September 11th tragedy, even God can’t cure! The tears have been plenty, as we watch each day, How cruel we can be to each other, no words can say. The Angels have many duties, but can do the task, With all the good folks joining, help’s easy to just ask. We have met many parents, of Heaven’s recent gain, Talking, hugging, meeting, prevents our going insane. The sharing is so sad, but helps remember our love, For our children that have left us, to places far above. Thanks for your help, as I create words and verse, To aid grieving families, through this ugly curse. Our lives have been changed forever, this is so true, We miss the days and moments, spent lovingly with you. The world keeps changing, and not for the very best, Praying for peace and harmony, a part of our daily quest. Happiness is knowing, that some day you will greet us too, As we are sure you are doing, as new souls come to you. Your smile warms us daily, as we wake under your care, The Angel hug that we feel, lets us know you’re there. So dear daughter our love for you, grows each and every day, God daily grant us strength and wisdom, to carry on we pray. -Created in Loving Memory of our Jessica Lyn Bryl Jan 19, 1977 – April 3, 2000 - Dan Bryl

~GARDEN OF MEMORIES~

Strolling down your garden path, my heart takes flight Dedicated in your memory, a breathtaking sight. Blooms of love overflow, delicate petals aware

Of the love that is planted, with so much loving care.

A garden of your life story, your memory held near Solace to the weary soul, I draw comfort here. A quieting of the heart, sadness takes a respite

Testimony of love enduring, to the senses pure delight.

My gaze is drawn, to butterflies dancing in air Such freedom and abandon, their beauty comes to share

Surrounding themselves with the nectar of the vines Showing once again, the beauty of God’s design.

Fragrance drifts gently, nature’s sweet sigh

Gentle reminder, you are always near by Love from heaven, wrapped in loving care

Speaks softly to my heart, quieter than a prayer.

In the garden of your life’s reflection Memories recalled, with each selection

Symbols of enduring love, and introspection Blazing colors of God’s perfection.

Designing and planting Cory’s garden, was such a comfort to me. It made me feel as if I could still do something for my child. The garden reflects just who he is, his free and easy spirit, nothing formal about this garden…smile. We make new additions every year, and when we have it completed, it will reflect all the things that he held dear in life. We are always searching for new and different items to add, and have even carried it over to be decorated for the different holidays. I would suggest to any parent that is newly bereaved, to

TCF Atlanta Area Chap

find a special way of honoring your child, something that was important to him/her in life, it will bring your child joy to be honored, and will bring comfort to you, as you continue to give meaning to your child’s life even though they are no longer physically with you on earth. It will bless their heart and yours.

~Jody Seilheimer

In Memory of her son Cory Michael Griffin January 4, 1972 ~ August 30, 1999

ters March – April 2002 of 23

A Sibling’s Story ~written by Robin Johnston Eggers In Memory of her Brother Matt Johnston March 8, 1967 – October 11, 1993 It has been seven years since my brother Matt’s accident. Seven years since my dad took that horrendous call. Little did he know I was listening on the other end. You know the drill, “we regret to inform you that your son was killed in a car accident tonight at 1:00 AM. His was the only car involved. I’m so sorry, is there anything we can do?” Yeah call somebody else, let somebody else deal with this nightmare. I was 21 years old at the time and living at home with my parents, Matt was 26. Matt and my sister Julie are / were twins. I still stumble with that one. Are we or were we siblings? I usually say, when I’m asked, that I have a brother and a sister who are twins. Why ruin that person’s day. Once the initial shock wore off I remember thinking what if he died alone. How horrible was that to think that there in his final moments it was dark, cold, and scary and he was dying. It was not until later after I read the autopsy report that I found out he was rendered brain dead on impact. Does anyone else find it odd that I took comfort in that? The funeral was also a terrible blur although I distinctly remember his hands. They were cut and bruised. The months following also ran together. I flunked out of college that semester, the first time ever, but re-enrolled the following. I slept a lot. On the average day I was in bed by 6:00 PM. You know me I had to get my 14 hours of sleep in a night. I didn’t pray though. I think I felt too betrayed by God, by faith, or my lack there of. I really wasn’t able to talk about it at all, which worried my family quite a bit. I felt like I couldn’t trouble my parents with my problems because it could not possibly be worse than the burden they were forced to bear. Besides, everyone who did talk about it started crying, and I felt I was much too busy to have a nervous breakdown at the time. I was amazed at the number of people who tried to give me a quick fix. Here, read this or write in that. I had just lost my brother what were they thinking? Some things just aren’t meant to be fixed. Everywhere I went and everyone I saw reminded me of Matt. At Christmas time I found myself shopping for his underwear and Timberland shoes. When I heard something funny or had news to share I immediately called my sister and then out of habit picked up the phone to call Matt as well. What a cruel sick joke that was. Everyone I came in contact with asked about him or asked about how his twin sister was doing. Oh don’t mind me, “I was his sister too” I felt like saying.

(I felt selfish at the time for even thinking that) The weird thing is I was mad at people for asking because I didn’t want to be reminded and I was mad at people for not asking because I felt they had forgotten him. No one could do anything right. So what did I do, I went back to bed of course. My friends were great initially, but after a while they ran out of things to say and the mood just felt awkward. I needed an escape and a change of scenery. So I applied for a job in Yellowstone National Park for the summer. I had gone away to college for a year and hated it and came home to go to a commuter college. I think my family thought Yellowstone would also be like college and I would be home in a week. To everyone’s surprise, including my own, I found my safe haven. Yellowstone was a place where I could meet people and the great thing was they only knew what I told them. What a great place! I was no longer the grieving sister. I was just one of 2000 other college students working, living and having the time of their life in a three million acre National Park. After Yellowstone I came home to finish college and continue on with life. I am often asked for advice by other people on what I did to get through that time and what miracle cure worked for me. If there is anything I learned it is that grief is very unique and that I can not even pretend to know what another sibling goes through during that time of loss. What I do wish is that someone had been honest with me and said “you know what the next year or maybe even two years is going to stink. It is going to be awful, but it can’t stink forever. Sometime down the road the sun will shine again.” I don’t recommend that everyone pack their bags and head West. I suggest they do what ever it takes to keep getting out of bed in the morning and getting through each and every day. I read somewhere that “losing a loved one is like walking through the valley of the shadow of death and surviving”. I found comfort in that. For some the valley is short and narrow for others it is wide and long. I think I am through my valley now. I pray again and I always include Matt in my prayers. I’m 30 years old now, 4 years older than my big brother and I think I am probably wiser too, which is weirder still. His 92’ Mazda Protégé seems to be disappearing from the roadways and the smell in his clothes has faded. My anger and sarcasm have subsided as well, but his sweet memory remains. I still miss his hands (the way they used to be), he had the best hands.


For the Professionals…..Death Ended Your Child's Life, but Not His or Her Relationship to the Family by Nancy Hogan, RN, Ph.D In 1983, I wrote a two part article for the Newsletter called "Commitment to Survival" in which I described parent bereavement as a complex process that includes mothers and fathers maintaining a relationship with their dead child. Specifically, I wrote "Death ended your child's life but not his or her relationship to the family" and "You give up the old person who was physically connected to a now deceased child and make different connections with your child who has died." I received many letters describing how bereaved parents had been criticized and even ridiculed by others for expressing their continuing love and connection to their dead child. You told me you copied the articles and sent them to friends, relatives and people at your work place to let them know that it was "normal" to want to talk about your child. You also told me that in your opinion, maintaining a sacred bond to your dead child was vital to your well-being. From 1983 to the present I have conducted a number of studies with both bereaved parents and siblings. Findings from these studies indicate the ongoing connection you have to your dead child is a catalyst and an enduring energy which sustains one through the most intense time of grief and gives survivors the courage to face losses that bereaved parents and their living children must endure. The deep pain of grief comes with a deep introspective searching for answers to agonizing questions about why your child's death had to be a part of your life and about your shattered dreams. Research shows that this period of grief is characterized by feelings of hopelessness, profound sadness, aching loneliness and a belief that you will not and cannot ever be happy again. Physical reactions may include fast heartbeats, shortness of breath, and a sense of fear or panic that more bad things will happen to other loved ones. Many bereaved parents expressed feeling angry, blaming yourself and others for your child's death. You spoke of being preoccupied with endless thoughts and feelings about the circumstances surrounding his or her death and the difficulty of coping and adapting to your new, permanently changed lives.

You said that this was a time of "feeling confusion about who you were, not knowing yourself anymore and feeling detached from others" and how these thoughts and feelings demanded and used up the little bit of energy you had each morning. Grief work is infinitely private, painful work. Part of you died with your child and now you must struggle with letting go of your old self as you endure the unknown of who you will become. One newly bereaved parent described this process by saying. "I liked who I was before my child died. I don't like who I am now. I barely know myself." In the beginning of grief you were consumed with the myriad of reminders of you child's life and death. As time passed, you found occasional peaceful respites from grief as the episodes of deep grieving gradually became less frequent and intense. Finally, you described knowing you were having more good days than bad. This marked the beginning of leaving behind some of the suffering and sorrow of intense grief and having the energy available for keeping and cherishing the love and connection you have to your dead child. Surviving the struggle with death and finding life again renews energy and is manifest in your becoming stronger and better able to cope with your loss. You gain a realization of having become more tolerant of yourself and others, feeling more compassion for others and becoming a more forgiving person. Measures of happiness and hope become a part of your life again. The hardest work of becoming a survivor is learning to live without the physical presence of your dead child while simultaneously learning to live with his or her emotional and spiritual presence. You find that meaning in your life is derived from your relationship to those you love, including your dead child. The legacy your child has left is a love that transcends time and space. --Nancy Hogan RN, Ph.D is an Associate Professor at the University of Miami School of Nursing where she teaches, conducts research and publishes on the parent and sibling bereavement process. Since the mid 1970's she has worked with TCF parents and sibling bereavement groups. She authored the TCF tape 'Impact of Grief on Marriage' in 1981, and has spoken at many national and international bereavement conferences.


Chapter News Tucker (Atlanta) Chapter John DuBose resigned as chapter leader after leading the Tucker group for 3 years. Ann Sechrist, Susan Carithers, Robert Bowers and Jayne Newton will serve as co-leaders for the next two years. John will continue to serve on the Tucker Steering Committee and also be a facilitator for the Tucker Group. John’s daughter, Autumn, was killed in a bus accident in July 1990. He and his wife Faye began attending the Tucker meetings shortly thereafter. John and Barbara Parsons started the Lawrenceville Gwinnett Chapter in 1994, where John served as co-leader for 5 years before taking over the leadership at the Tucker group. John will continue to present “facilitator training” for the Atlanta Area and is also Committee Head for the Sharing Groups in the Atlanta 2003 Conference. Everyone within the Tucker group wants to say “thank you “ to John for all that he has done for TCF in the Atlanta Area and all that he is committed to do in the future. He is a shining example of “We Need Not Walk Alone” and he and his wife Faye have touched so many hearts within our organization. The new co-leaders plan to “lead” the group as a team effort and we are looking for more volunteers to help There is a steering committee/pot luck dinner planned for Saturday, April 20th at 6:00 at Jayne Newton’s house. We invite anyone in the Tucker group who is interested in the future of our chapter or being a part of our chapter leadership and steering committee to join us. We will have maps at the meeting, but if you need directions call. For more information, please call Jayne 770-923-5356.

Sandy Springs (North Atlanta) March meeting will be at The House Next Door, which is the new building right next door to The Link Counseling Center.

If someone goes to the Link, they will be directed to go next door, and parking is in the same lot as before. (Both buildings are in the same parking lot).

Marietta Chapter May 7, 2002 – 3rd Annual Butterfly Banquet (see attached registration form for details)

Ben Hill (Southwest Atlanta) Chapter Ben Hill is now an official chapter. Their new name is Southwest Atlanta Chapter.

The North Georgia Chapter of

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS Invite you to

A BUTTERFLY WORKSHOP

SATURDAY, MARCH 16, 2002 9:30A.M. – 3:30P.M.

FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH GAINESVILLE, GEORGIA

$10.00 per person/prepaid (make check out to “TCF”)

(mail to Judy Miller-5515 Little River Circle Gainesville, GA 30506)

Reservations Call: Judy Miller 770-287-1239 or [email protected]

Facilitator Training – Atlanta

April 28, Sunday 2:00 – 5:00 First Christian Church, 4532 LaVista Rd. Tucker, GA

John Dubose is presenting a Facilitator Training Session and anyone interested in learning more about facilitating or become a facilitator for you chapter is invited to attend. It is also open to those who have had prior “facilitator training”. This will be an opportunity to “network” with others.

For more information, please contact John Dubose (770) 469-7159 or email [email protected]

Please RSVP to John so he will know an appropriate head count.


http://www.buginword.com

mailto:[email protected]

Chapter Leadership Training

April 12-14, 2002 • Hyatt Regency Atlanta • Atlanta, Georgia

Program will begin at 8:00 PM Friday, April 12 and will end by 11:00 AM Sunday, April 14

A weekend of workshops and networking to help you

• understand TCF’s heritage and future • organize your chapter to share the workload and ensure leadership transition • find funding in your community • conduct chapter meetings that provide comfort and hope to your members and minimum stress for leaders • make sure that your community understands and supports The Compassionate Friends • share ideas with leaders of other chapters

(If you are interested in chapter leadership….please contact your chapter leader for more information and registration information. If you do not attend a chapter contact Jayne Newton for information 770-923-5356)

News - Upcoming Conferences

National Gathering of the Bereaved Parents of the USA

New Orleans, LA June 28-30, 2002

Guest Speaker : John Walsh

To request a registration form, please contact:

Lauri Myers, 504 Perrin Drive, Arabi, LA 70032 (504) 271-9532 or email [email protected]

Or visit their website http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

25th Annual National TCF Conference

Salt Lake City, Utah /July 5 - 7, 2002 Thinking about attending the 2002 TCF National Conference in Salt Lake City?

To learn more about the conference visit our Website at: http://www.tcfslcut.com/htm/Conference.htm

"Living with Grief: Loss in Later Life" The Compassionate Friends' cooperating

partnership with Hospice Foundation of America's "Living with Grief" teleconference —

Wednesday, April 24, 2002 This year's teleconference theme is Loss in Later Life. Through a unique arrangement with TCF, a special issue of HFA's newsletter, Journeys, will be provided to all teleconference attendees. It will feature four articles by prominent grief and bereavement authors on the subjects of Parental Loss in Later Life, Grandparents and Grief, Sibling Loss, and The Value of Self-help Groups.

Visit the HFA Web site www.hospicefoundation.org or call HFA (800) 854-3402, for a list of program locations and contact information in your vicinity.

TCF National Conference 2003 By now you have probably heard that the 2003 National TCF Conference will be held in downtown Atlanta at the Hyatt Regency Hotel. This conference will be a joint effort of every chapter in Georgia, and we need YOU! In order for it to be successful, we need your help and participation. At this time, we invite all Georgia chapter leaders and members to serve on various planning committees. Later, there will be rewarding opportunities to volunteer during the conference itself. To lend a helping hand, please contact our volunteer coordinator, Sharon Curtis, at 770-484-1648. Your help is needed to elicit funds to support the Conference. We have developed a fundraising plan that can raise funds from your employers and business contacts. A mailing will soon reach all the Georgia Chapter Leaders that will give the details. Or you may directly contact Patrick or Kathy Malone, Conference Co-Chairs, at [email protected] or 770-493-7188 (office) or 770-979-1763 (home.) All profits from the National Conference go to support the National TCF Organization. The National Conferences are a main source of income for the National TCF Organization.



http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

http://www.hospicefoundation.org/


Telephone Friends

Sometimes we just need someone to talk to…someone to listen…someone to understand Carole Babush - 404-231-1965 Auto Accident Judy Blumsack - 770-410-9819 Auto Accident Lynn McCurdy - 770-498-8211 AIDS Faye Martin - 770-732-9906 Suicide Janice Pattillo - 770-963-8306 Vehicular Homicide Fortune Forrester - 770-937-5789 Homicide Tricia Simpson - 770-277-1626 Substance Abuse Allison Glover - 404-534-0386 SIDS Paul Fredickson - (770) 992-6391 Infant Death Dana Stupka - (770)-674-3409 Infant Death To Subscribe to Linked Together, please complete the attached database form and return it to TCF Atlanta, P.O. Box 656, Tucker, Ga 30085. There is no charge for Linked Together, but a donation In Memory of Your Child would be greatly appreciated. Thank you once again to Brett Coltman and Direct Technologies, Inc. for printing our newsletter - and so much more! Currently our newsletter mailing list is 1300+. TCF Atlanta Online Sharing TCF Atlanta Online Sharing is an online sharing group available to anyone with internet access. The Online Sharing began in September 1999. I had currently subscribed to "Chicken Soup for the Soul - Online Daily" and this gave me the idea to put together something for bereaved parents and siblings. Thus it began. Currently we have 1020 active members and are growing at a rate of 2 per day. We have recently added several new features to our Online Sharing….Cyberfriends Database for those new parents and siblings who want to have a cyberfriend to talk with and Birthday/Angel Date Web sites for our Children. For More Information and all the new additions, please visit our new web site: http://www.tcfatlanta.org/TCFOnline.html

We Are Individuals …

We are individuals. We are similar, but different.

We each have our own perception of the same scene or situation.

We all view life through the spectacles of our experiences.

We are all grieving our losses.

Does that mean that we all feel the same way? Does that mean we are suddenly alike?

Is there a book that tells us what to feel? We travel the same road at different speeds

Our destination unclear

Loss of a child is devastation It changes us – but how?

If we were compassionate, do we now hate? If we were closed minded, do we now embrace new

ideas? If we were full of hostility, do we now look out in love? Who we are has changed . . . but we still retain much of

ourselves.

Our bond is our loss …We reach out in pain Our world, no color but gray

Will we love all those we meet?

No, we are human

Will we hate those we greet? No, our pain is alike

We are drawn together by our Spirits

We must interact in the flesh God tells us the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

Let your Spirit rule

See her. Look at him. Indescribable Pain; Anguish. Reach out. Spirit to Spirit Put aside our differences

Help each other all along the way.

Thirty days, Thirty years The loss is still a loss Do we live, survive?

Differently, yes Differently, yes.

Debbie Chase, Amanda's Mom Always Cedar Rapids, IA


http://www.tcfatlanta.org/TCFOnline.html


March Birthdays

March 1 Kenneth Leonard Wright, son of Kathy and Dale Wright, Lithonia March 1 Rachel Elizabeth Willett, daughter of Alan and Cindy Willett, Loganville March 2 Chanda Collett, daughter of Kathy Collett, Stockbridge March 2 David Linder, son of Carolyn Linder, Riverdale March 2 Mari Occhialini, son of Susan Simmons, Alpharetta March 3 Blanca Rosa M. Anson II, daughter of Blanca Rosa Anson, Atlanta March 3 Donald Cox, son of Jeannette Avritt, Waleska March 3 Lindsey Elizabeth Fredrickson, daughter of Paul and Linda Fredrickson, Roswell March 3 David Aldan Harmon, son of Joyanne Fritch, Allenspark, CO March 3 Lance Malone, son of Kathy and Patrick Malone, Snellville March 3 Dedrick Ashby, son of Phyllis and Leon Ashby, Conyers March 4 Seth Elijah "Eli" Henderson, son of Lisa Henderson, Stockbridge March 4 Timmy de St. Aubin, son of Sandra and Bill de St. Aubin, Marietta March 5 Daniel Scott Brocato, son of Frank Brocato, Snellville and Sally Brocato, NH March 5 Yolandra Erin Dixon, daughter of Georgia Dixon, Decatur March 6 Darren Avery, son of Patricia Avery and stepson of Lillie Austin, Decatur March 6 Joey Green, son of Teresa Green, Summerville March 7 Shana Rosenwald, daughter of Ellie Rosenwald, Decatur March 8 G.W. Fox, son of Nancy Fox, Dacula March 8 Michelle Dugan, daughter of Dolores and James Hegner, Lawrenceville March 8 Philip (Phil) Harris, son of Marilyn and Ron Harris, Marietta March 8 Alexandra Anillo, daughter of Juan and Karen Anillo, Duluth March 9 Diane Lee Mallory Beard, daughter of Charlotte and Jerry Mallory, Marietta March 10 Ian Sharpe, son of Becky and Bob Sharpe, Lawrenceville March 11 Phillip W. Cunnagin, Jr., son of Lenora and Phillip Cunnagin, Palm Harbor, FL and brother of Mary

Cunnagin, Crystal Beach, FL March 11 Freda Renee Hopkins, daughter of Brenda Fox, Dawsonville March 11 Drew Holder, son of Mike and Paula Holder, Powder Springs March 11 “Gent” Gentry, son of Lib and Wayne Gentry, Doraville March 11 Erin Leigh Moody, daughter of Pat and Wayne Moody, Holly Springs March 12 Glenn Prather, son of Judy Prather, Covington March 13 Adam Philip Frentheway, son of Foye and Neal Frentheway, Tucker March 13 Trent Michael Wilkes, son of Gail and Eddie Wilkes, Ellenwood March 14 Scott Barton, son of Marilyn and Terry Barton, Marietta March 14 Meghan Elizabeth Collins, daughter of Mary T. Collins, Villa Park, IL March 14 Bradley Hilderbrand, son of Denise DeFord, Powder Springs and grandson of Margaret Yarborough,

Austell March 14 Joshua Benjamin Shauf, son of April Shauf, Atlanta March 15 Jonathan Tripp, son of Judy and Roger Tripp, Kennesaw March 16 Cecelia Anne Redman, daughter of Robin and Gerald Greene, Stockbridge March 16 Earnest Elton Moran, son of Peggy Moran, Gainesville March 17 Ben J. Strader III, son of Ben J. Strader, Jr., Marietta March 18 Matt Johnston, brother of Julie Johnston, Marietta March 18 Chip Swilley, son of Elsie and Reezin Swilley, Atlanta March 20 Robert Keith Hemphill, son of Peggy Mangas, Jonesboro March 20 Lanny Pinkard, son of Dan and Dianna Pinkard, Rome


March Birthdays

March 21 Jeremy Hill, son of Sandra Hill, Franklin March 21 Jeremy Waters, son of Joanne B. Waters, Buford March 21 Richard Wilson Scott, Jr., son of Rita Goldman, Niceville, FL March 22 Benjamin Joseph Lummus, son of Melanie Rutledge, Conyers March 22 Christina M. Edwards, daughter of Kimberly and James Cole, Canton March 22 Amanda Fountain, daughter of Patricia Fountain, Powder Springs March 23 Allen Harper, grandson of Caroline and Larry Allen, Stone Mountain March 23 Benjamin Hutt, son of Chris Hutt and brother of Kimberly Hutt, Lilburn March 23 Richard Kendall "Ken" McCurdy, son of Lynn and Mac McCurdy, Lilburn March 24 Emily Martin, daughter of MaryBeth and Jerry Martin, Kennesaw March 24 Steven W. Simmons, son of Shelia Simmons, Dallas March 24 Machera Renee Henderson, daughter of Debra Mastrilli, Snellville

and sister of Hank Henderson, Flowery Branch March 24 Hunter McMullin, son of Kevin and Kelly McMullin, Covington March 25 David Josselson, son of Harriet and Jerry Josselson

and brother of Brian and Marc Josselson, Alpharetta March 25 Lauren Stanfill, daughter of Tim and Linda Stanfill, Woodstock March 26 Christian Fobas, son of Judy Fobas, Alpharetta March 27 Ricky Palmer, son of Gloria Palmer, Stone Mountain March 27 Lovelle Forbes, son of Velma Vincent, Lithonia March 28 Christy Sutton, daughter of Linda Sutton, Woodstock March 28 Jason Webb, son of Donna Outlaw, Walker, LA March 28 Pete Soileau, son of Mimi Soileau, Conyers March 29 Michael Coy, son of Leslie and Steve Coy, Atlanta March 30 Ron Kindler, son of Jackie Kindler, St. Simons March 30 Eliscia Robene S. Roseberry, daughter of Katherine and Eddie Roseberry, Decatur March 30 Crawford Masters, son of Melinda and Kevin Masters, Ackworth March 31 Maggie Perkins, daughter of Pat Perkins, Doraville March 31 Alvin W. Stevens III, son of Sally and Tom Harper, Birmingham, AL March 31 Steven Jay Steele, son of Ann Sullivan, Suwanee and brother of Chris Steele, Marietta

"In a tape called, `To Touch a Grieving Heart' there is a wonderful little reminder of the Winnie the Pooh story by A. A. Milne. You may recall that Winnie goes to visit Rabbit and eats too much honey. Coming out of Rabbit's hole, he gets stuck tight - so tight he can't even sigh. He asks his friends to stay with him, read him a story, and offer words of comfort and thus to help `a bear wedged in great tightness.'

Notice that Pooh does not ask to be pulled out of the hole, he asks only for company so he is not alone. I think Grief is like being `a bear wedged in great tightness.' And, while we cannot make the grief go away for each other, The Compassionate Friends starts and stops with the core idea that we will be there for each other; that `we need not walk alone.' "

In Memory of Rich Elder……It is with deep sadness and a tremendous sense of loss that we announce the death of Richard Edler, National Board member, former TCF president and president of the TCF Foundation. Rich died of a heart attack on Saturday, February 16, at his home in Palos Verdes, California.

April Birthdays

April 1 Jennifer Reel, daughter of Gail Carter, Covington April 2 Fletcher Smith Hall, son of Karen Smith Hall, Atlanta April 3 Molly Feit, daughter of Claire Feit, Duluth April 3 Phillip Martin, son of Geraldine Martin, Hampton April 3 Kevin Saye, son of Charlotte and Freddie Saye, Stockbridge April 4 Joshua James Bearden, son of James C. Bearden, Lithia Springs April 4 Spencer Dickson Plott, son of Donna and Alan Plott, Marietta,

grandson of Marlene and John Dickson, Smyrna April 4 Joey Robinson, son of Weyman and Christie Robinson, Lawrenceville April 5 Steve Davol, son of Deloris and Charles Davol, Grayson April 5 Kerri Kristen Keith, daughter of Sandra McPeeks, Peachtree City April 7 Charles Brady James III, son of Brady James, Kennesaw

and brother of Heather Chappell, Marietta and Laurie James, Albuquerque, NM April 7 Jenny Collver, daughter of Meredith and Michael Collver, Atlanta April 7 Timothy James Chase, son of Staci Cormier, Marietta April 8 Dr. Thomas Brown IV, son of Lillie Brown, Stone Mountain April 8 John Darity, son of Mike and Libby Darity, Stockbridge April 8 Shannon Marie Stephens, daughter of Sandra and Stephens, Lawrenceville April 9 Robbie Preston, son of Johnnie and Dick Preston, Marietta April 10 Benjamin Thomas Harvey, son of Penny and Bob Harvey, Lilburn April 10 Richie Frank Williams, son of Floria Williams, Asheville, NC April 11 Robert Cantrell, son of Juanita Cantrell, Marietta April 11 Andrea Michelle Massey, daughter of Mary Sue Massey, Jasper April 12 Clay Cagle, son of Mr. And Mrs. Tim Cagle, Alpharetta April 12 “Bo” Tuggle, son of Connie and Johnny Tuggle, Snellville April 13 Cole Avry Barnett, son of DeAnne Barnett, Canton April 13 Jimmy Cox, son of Audrey Cunningham, Cumming April 13 Jason Thomas Brady, son of Tom and Sam Brady, Atlanta April 13 Melissa Price, daughter of Donna Price, Alpharetta April 14 Timothy Lanier, son of Diane Lanier, Norcross and brother of Robert Lanier, Lawrenceville April 14 Mark Eugene Bullard, son of Gerry and John Bullard, Atlanta April 15 Michael Rau, son of Marilyn Cowan, Orange Park, FL April 15 David Kulp, son of Blanche and Ken Kulp, Marietta April 15 Olivia Owens, daughter of Yolanda Owens, Locust Grove April 16 Tiffani Lea-Nicole Coke, daughter of Stacie Lawson, Macon April 16 Jeffery Morris, son of Cathy and John Murch, Winder April 16 Sadie Ruth Barrett, daughter of Scott and Lynn Barrett, Carrollton April 16 Chad Brown, son of Donna Brown, Dallas April 17 Bobby Runnels, brother of Angel Runnels, Atlanta April 17 Adam Brandon Anglin, son of Melodie Fowler, Lawrenceville April 18 Yardley Coffey, son of Pat Coffey, Lithonia April 19 Tracy McKenna, daughter of Jeff McKenna, Marietta April 20 Padraic Dirr, son of Jim Dirr, Atlanta; brother of Moira Dirr, Dunwoody April 20 Chari Hanshaw, daughter of Sibyl Cole, Atlanta April 20 Mandy Leigh Collins, sister of Kelsey Silberg, Orlando, FL April 21 Julieanne Elizabeth Pascoe, daughter of Dawn M. Pascoe, Woodstock



April Birthdays

April 22 Mark Joseph Gore, son of Barbara Rodriguez, Lilburn April 22 Tristan Garner, son of Sheryl and Kyle Garner, Covington April 22 Nichole East, daughter of Lisa and Tim Chase and sister to Stacy East, Locust Grove April 22 Bradley Evans, son of Merry Evans, Atlanta April 22 David "Ratt" DeLuca, son of Joey and Deborah Odom, Covington April 22 Victoria Fields, daughter of Tricia Chasse, Newnan April 22 Antoinette Redpath, daughter of Sammie Hammer Redpath, Hacienda Heights, CA April 23 Lauren Alexandra Foley, daughter of Christy and Eamonn Foley, Cumming April 24 Robert Coltman, son of Ellen and Barney Coltman, Buford and brother of Brett Coltman and Eve

Greenstein April 25 Allison M. Bumpass, daughter of Rachel Bumpass, Atlanta April 25 Jason Jarrell, son of Charlotte Jarrell, Covington April 25 Micki Henderson, daughter of Judy McElreath, Union City April 25 Teresa Ellen Wesley Hough, daughter of Jackie Wesley, IN April 26 Rodney Clay Duran, son of John and Robin Moore, Gainesville April 27 Madeline Dabney Adams, daughter of Madeline R. Adams, Atlanta April 27 Amanda Johns, daughter of Linda and Ted Johns, Loganville April 27 Mark Alan Smith, son of Doris Smith, Atlanta April 27 Drew Smith, son of Rosemary Smith, Beattyville, KY April 28 Chad Allessio, son of Carol and Mike Allessio, Peachtree City April 28 Gary Pruitt, son of Shirley Pruitt, Cumming April 28 Chad Steven Martin, son of Joanie Martin, Smyrna April 29 Rodrekus Cox, son of Sylvia Cox, Ellenwood April 29 Chris Wells, son of Mary B. Parker, Marietta April 30 Maria Victoria Boucugnani, daughter of Lynda and Tom Whitehead, Fayetteville,

and Al Boucugnani, Hampton April 30 Azali Copeland, son of Vivian Copeland, Marietta

Even desolation is a world to be explored. ~Syliva Townsend Warner It is a world we do not want to enter, a world for which we have no hunger. We would turn from it if we could. Yet we find ourselves in it. And our company is a multitude. There is a story of a woman who came to the Buddha seeking help after the death of her child and was told that, for healing, she need only find a mustard seed from a household that had never known sorrow. According to the story, she traveled over all the world in vain, never finding such a household, but found instead - understanding, compassion, friendship, and truth. The world of desolation is a world that calls many of us. There is no going around it. There is only going through it, if we are to find healing and new life. It is a world worth exploring and it offers to us those same qualities the bereaved mother found - understanding, compassion, friendship, truth. ~Nothing is to be gained by turning away from the truth. When the circumstances of my life are grim, I will face the grimness, learn what it has to teach me, and walk on through.

~from the book Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman


March Angel Dates

March 1 Rodney Clay Duran, son of John and Robin Moore, Gainesville March 2 Roderick Eugene Taylor, son of Martha Taylor, Norcross March 3 John Allen Askins, son of Elaine Askins, Duluth March 3 Jaime Coyier, daughter of Lendell and Mike Vogt, Fairburn March 3 Chamica Hardaway, daughter of Albert and Florence Daniels, Decatur March 3 D'Keesiyah Hardaway, granddaughter of Albert and Florence Daniels, Decatur March 4 Jacob Jarmusch, grandson of Norma and Albert Jarmusch, Dacula March 4 Tony Visk, Jr., son of Tony and the late Marie Visk, Atlanta March 4 Wendy McMain, daughter of June Cooper, Lawrenceville March 6 Jason Curtis, son of Sharon Curtis, Lithonia March 7 Allen Titlow, son of Anne Meroney, Atlanta, and George and Diana Titlow, Dalton, brother of Craig,

Rusty and Mary-Crait Dimmitt, Kennesaw March 8 Shelly Elliott, daughter of Susie Elliott, Canton March 8 Alan Parish, son of Millie and Woody Parish, Flowery Branch March 8 Danny Tyler, son of Deborah Reddy, Douglasville March 9 Susan Lynn Babush, daughter of Carole Babush, Atlanta March 9 Ray Shawn Grant, son of Cheryl Hose, Atlanta March 9 Lonnie Dee Nagel, son of Leonard Nagel, Marietta March 10 Shawn Stephens, son of Pat Stephens, Ackworth March 10 Fredrick Christian Kallmeyer, son of Rick and Pat Kallmeyer, Marietta March 10 Rosemary Jean Peiffer, daughter of Debbie and Don Peiffer, Pineville, MO March 11 Matt Halloran, son of Marti Goldring, Atlanta March 11 Thomas Michael Pattillo, son of Janice and Wayne Pattillo, Lawrenceville March 11 Jon Gostovich, brother of Scott Carolanne, Raleigh, NC March 11 Azali Copeland, son of Vivian Copeland, Marietta March 12 Jennifer Marie Dailey, daughter of Joanne and Bob Dailey, Lilburn March 13 Rodrekus Cox, son of Sylvia Cox, Ellenwood March 13 Amanda Kay Lovett, daughter of Kristi and Gary Lovett, Fayetteville March 13 Julie Duncan, daughter of Tony Duncan, Snellville March 13 Kenny Plouff, son of Patti and Ted Plouff, Cumming March 14 Matthew Cramer, son of Debby and Terry Cramer, Kennesaw March 14 Elizabeth Young-Johnson-O'Keefe, daughter of Diane and Charlie Brissey, Kennesaw March 15 Charles Brady James III, son of Brady James, Kennesaw, brother of Laurie James, Albuquerque,

NM and Heather Chappell, Marietta March 15 Rachel Diane Trotti, daughter of Joy-Lyn and James Trotti, Decatur March 15 Joshua Benjamin Shauf, son of April Shauf, Atlanta March 16 Candi Gaye Marshall, daughter of Gena Marshall Holmquist, Tucker March 16 Jason Thomas Brady, son of Tom and Sam Brady, Atlanta March 16 James Edward Tyler, Jr., son of Elanor Tyler, Atlanta March 17 Joey Capron, son of Carmen Capron, Chamblee March 17 Laura Kelcourse, daughter of Kathy Kelcourse, Marietta March 18 John C. Reeves, son of Bettye and John Reeves, Atlanta March 18 Tylar Gamboa, daughter of Dena Gamboa, Cartersville March 18 Kelly Suzanne McCollum, daughter of Elizabeth McCollum, Chamblee and John W. “Mac” McCollum,

Norcross


March Angel Dates

March 19 Ryan Allan Duffner, son of Lisa and Rorry Duffner, Lawrenceville March 19 Anthony Brian Perez, son of Zara Karp, Roswell March 19 Eliscia Robene S. Roseberry, daughter of Katherine and Eddie Roseberry, Decatur March 19 Charles Pilgreen, son of Brenda Shiplet, Birmingham, AL March 20 Jonathan Longo, son of Sue Dobos and brother of Danielle Longo, Powder Springs March 21 Chad Mauldin, son of Barbara Mauldin, Atlanta March 21 Chet Planchard, son of Robyn and Charles Planchard, Kennesaw March 22 David James Teddlie, son of Anne and Don Teddlie, Decatur and brother of Lynn Teddlie, Tucker March 23 Stephen Danley Prince, son of Dan and Linda Prince, Buford March 24 Justine Cortney Hunter, daughter of Vikki and Alex Hunter, Snellville March 24 Renee Elise McGinnis, daughter of Modree M. Smith, Marietta March 25 Michael Coy, son of Leslie and Steve Coy, Atlanta March 25 Steve Forrester, son of Nancy and Paul Jordan, Riverdale March 25 Richard Kendall "Ken" McCurdy, son of Lynn and Mac McCurdy, Lilburn March 26 Jeremy Hill, son of Sandra Hill, Franklin March 27 Lauren Tardif, daughter of Jeanne Allen, Kennesaw March 27 James Monroe Allison, son of Maggie Allison, Oakwood March 28 Nathan Josel ("Kippy") brother of Laura Josel, Atlanta March 28 David Kulp, son of Blanche and Ken Kulp, Marietta March 29 Joshua Williams, son of Bridget Williams, Conley March 30 Crista Cuzzort, daughter of Michael Cuzzort, Rome March 30 Donna McAfee, daughter of Margaret McAfee, Riverdale March 31 Sean Eubanks, son of Doris Eubanks, Atlanta March 31 J. Paul Kirk, son of J.B. and Tonda Kirk, Lubbock, TX March 31 Dan Steven McConnell, son of Elnora McConnell Borden, Conyers

PICTURES FROM THE HEART Since we have lost our children, part of what remains of them are pictures from the heart, which are those mental images we hold so dear. For some of us these pictures are memories of what had been, and for others these pictures are dreams of what might have been. And for some of us these pictures are a little of both. For us, dreams and memories are really the same. It is the dimension where our children now reside. In a sense, dreams are nothing more than memories of the future, because we remember our children by the dreams we had for them; and memories are nothing more than dreams of the past, because to remember them is certainly to dream of them. I believe it is incorrect to think that someone will not hurt as much because they only had their child for a little while or to think that someone will not hurt as much because their child had the chance to grow up. In these dreams and memories, these pictures from the heart, all of our children are infants and all of our children have grown up. The sadness and pain comes from the broken heart, the memories and the dreams from the pieces that remain. Kenneth Hensley TCF, Nashville, TN


April Angel Dates

April 1 David Bakay, son of Nita Bakay and brother of Michelle Bakay, Conyers April 2 Philip Jordan Grier, son of Elaine and Jim Grier, Atlanta April 2 Amie Marie Guthrie, daughter of Becki and Jim Guthrie, Lilburn April 2 Amanda Phinney Havens, daughter of David and Teresa Phinney, Humboldt, TN April 2 Marci Hyde Sizemore, daughter of Charles and Pat Hyde, Rome April 3 John Bucsela, son of Jeanne Bucsela, Atlanta April 3 Judy Michele McAllister, daughter of Mary McAllister, Otto, NC April 3 Jessica Bryl, daughter of Betty and Dan Bryl and sister to Sarah Bryl, Lawrenceville April 3 Bria Gomes, daughter of Jodi Gomes, Lithia Springs April 4 Rodd Norton, son of Pat W. Barber, Marietta April 4 Rod Tapley, son of Liz Tapley, Niceville, FL April 5 Bryan Dickinson Farmer, son of Linda and Ben Farmer, Marietta April 5 Charles Lee McKeever, son of King Holloway, Decatur April 5 Micha Thomas Miles, son of Andrew and Melissa Miles, Douglasville April 5 Marion Curtis Waldrep III, son of Pete and Charlotte Waldrep, Marietta April 6 Taylor Renee Nelson, daughter of Karen and Hal Nelson, Marietta April 6 Christopher Michael Wells, son of Mary B. Parker, Marietta April 6 Marc Stuart Ratthaus, son of Sue Ratthaus, Alpharetta April 6 Kyle Alexander Heskin Eastham, son of Anita Eastham, Douglasville April 7 Tyler Hassett, son of Janice and Jeff Hassett, Snellville April 7 Glenn Prather, son of Judy Prather, Covington April 7 Brenden Kyle Rainey, son of Connie Rainey, Atlanta April 8 Emma Parker Gordon, daughter of Lee Anne and Marc Gordon, Saginaw, MI and granddaughter of

Renee Turner, Cumming April 8 Josh Darna, son of Tracy Darna, Bokeelia, FL April 8 Sher Ybanez Johnson, daughter of Isidro and Agnes Ybanez, Fayetteville April 10 Jonathan Green, son of Diana and Bill Green, Jonesboro April 10 Rhonda Murray McCranie, daughter of Hazel Murray, Buford April 11 Erin Flowers, daughter of Phyllis Jean Flowers, Nashville, TN April 12 Scott Owen, son of Joyce and Rich Owen, Santa Rosa Beach, FL April 12 Brian Arthur LaForce, son of Raquel LaForce, Smyrna April 12 Marc Daniel Lockman, son of Maryanne Lockman, Smyrna April 13 Cole Avry Barnett, son of DeAnne Barnett, Canton April 13 Stephen E. Beam, son of Marcia and Ron Carter, Canton April 13 Tim Kincaid, son of Alan and Phyllis Pritchell, Dalton April 13 Thomas Edward O’Neill, Jr., son of Janna “Sybil” Proux, Newnan April 14 Paul Peterson, son of Sherril Peterson, Griffin April 14 Taylor Randahl, son of Kelly Randahl, Woodstock April 14 Jennifer Smith, daughter of Linda Smith, Stone Mountain April 15 Max Erickson, son of Anita and Alex Erickson, Atlanta April 15 Lovelle Forbes, son of Velma Vincent, Lithonia April 15 Jerrod Blade Thibodeaux, son of Joseph and Martha Thibodeaux, Stone Mountain April 15 Jennifer Thompson, daughter of Jacque and Tommy Thompson, Cumming April 15 Lauren Kochman, daughter of Heather Kochman, Atlanta April 16 Woody Jackson, son of Mahali, Scottdale


April Angel Dates

April 16 Chris McLemore, son of Sherry Owens, brother of Mark Owens, Covington April 16 Angela Kay Patterson, daughter of Rev. Tommy and Earlene Reid, Cedar Bluff, AL April 16 Dominique Dinsmore, daughter of Nicole Adams, Marietta April 17 Timothy Wade Stanley, son of Bob and Marie Stanley, Burney, CA and brother of Tonya Jones April 17 Wayne Robert Looker, son of Wendy and Richard Looker, Swansea, MA April 19 Mandy Creel, daughter of Donna Creel, LaGrange April 19 Michael Lindsey, son of Mary Jane Lindsey, Gray April 20 Evan Bozoff, son of Lynn and Alan Bozoff, Marietta April 20 Robert Brock, son of Beverly Davis, Jonesboro April 20 Kemba Bryant, son of Mellinese and Liewellyn Bryant, Riverdale April 20 “Gent” Gentry, son of Lib and Wayne Gentry, Doraville April 21 Quiellin "Precious" Horton, son of Katherine L. Horton, College Park April 21 Philip E. Walsh, son of Ruth Paschal, Atlanta April 22 Shelly Harmon, daughter of Patty and Sammy Harmon and sister of Gray Harmon, Chamblee April 22 Lisa Mewbourne, daughter of Faye Martin, Austell April 22 Dedrick Ashby, son of Phyllis and Leon Ashby, Conyers April 23 Allison M. Bumpass, daughter of Rachel Bumpass, Atlanta April 23 Stacy M. Feltman, daughter of Laurie and Harold Guice, Stockbridge April 23 Paula Wandell, daughter of Elfireda and George Wandell, Marietta April 24 Andrea Ficarotto, sister of Chris Baltrukovicz, Mukilteu, WA April 24 Christopher Kuzela, son of Pat and Ed Kuzela, Clarkston April 24 Joely Ann Castang, neice of Wendy Steed, Statham April 25 Laurie Marshall, daughter of Suzanne Marshall, Tucker April 25 Rahleek Malphurs, son of Debra Antney, Riverdale April 26 John Darity, son of Mike and Libby Darity, Stockbridge April 26 Lawrence G. Miles, M.D., son of Virginia S. Miles, Atlanta April 26 Jeffery Armstrong Patterson, son of Ann Armstrong Patterson, Marietta April 27 William Riley, son of Gary and Georgiene Riley, Oakwood April 29 Jimmy Agan, son of Jim and Sue Agan, Lithia Springs April 29 Mary Elizabeth Halaburt, daughter of Barbara Halaburt, Atlanta April 29 Adam Brandon Anglin, son of Melodie Fowler, Lawrenceville April 30 Elizabeth Gallagher, daughter of Mary and Terry Gallagher, Itasca, IL April 30 Jamie Blackwell, daughter of Mr. And Mrs. Ronald Blackwell, Jasper

By Viktor Frankl "The Doctor and the Soul" That time runs out before one's life's work is completed by no means makes it worthless. The fragmentary quality of life does not detract from its meaning. It is not from the length of its span that we can ever draw conclusions as to life's meaningfulness. We cannot, after all, judge a biography by its length, by the number of pages in it; we must judge bythe richness of its contents. The exuberant life of one who has died young certainly has more content and meaning than the existence of some long-lived dullard. Sometimes the "unfinisheds" are among the most beautiful symphonies.


Gifts of Love A love gift is a gift of money to The Compassionate Friends local chapters. It is usually in honor of a child who has died, but it can also be from individuals who want to honor a relative or friend who has died, a gift of thanksgiving that their own children are alive and well, or simply a gift from someone who wants to help in the work of our chapters. Love gifts are acknowledged each month in the newsletter.

In Loving Memory of Mark Joseph Gore, from his mother Barbara Rodriquez, Lilburn, GA In Loving Memory of Bradley Hilderbrand, from his grandmother, Margaret Yarborough, Austell, GA

In Loving Memory of Stephanie Weber, from her parents John and Cecilia N. Weber, Roswell, GA In Loving Memory of Michelle Dugan, from her parents James and Dolores A. Hegner, Lawrenceville, GA

In Loving Memory of Mandi Lynn Mast, from her parents Daniel and Diane Mast and brother Eric Mast, Newborn, GA

In Loving Memory of Joshua Lewis Darna, from his grandparents Robert and Fay A. Booth, St. James City, FL In Loving Memory of Brenda Hope Davis, from her mother Lenore Kessler, Atlanta, GA

In Loving Memory of Joey Dwayne Gravitte, from his mother Cynthia Gentry-Dempsey, Lindale, GA

In Loving Memory of Allison Kristin McCauley, from her parents Jane and Mike McCauley, Rome, GA In Loving Memory of Ginger “Baby” Kirby, from her mother, Cynthia S. Kirby, Stockbridge, GA

In Loving Memory of Micki Henderson, from her mother Judy B. McElreath, Union City, GA In Loving Memory of Wayne Robert Looker, from his parents, Wendy and Richard Looker, Swansea, MA

In Loving Memory of Joshua David Brown, from his parents David and Julie Brown, Fayetteville, GA In Loving Memory of Chamica Hardaway, from her parents Florence and Albert Daniels, Decatur, GA

In Loving Memory of D'Keesiyah Hardaway, from her grandparents Florence and Albert Daniels, Decatur, GA In Loving Memory of Billy Snapp, from his parents Bill and Teal Snapp, Conyers, GA

"Gifts of Love" in remembering our children and siblings help to pay for Newsletters, Postage, Books for our Lending Libraries and Resources, Memorial Services, Candle Lightings,

Telephone and Outreach, Website, Meeting Facilities and Dues to the National TCF Office. Thank you to all who contribute.

Some people contribute to TCF Atlanta Area Chapters in Memory of Other Children…..

this is a wonderful way for others to say “I am Remembering your child”

Other “Gifts of Love” are evident by all the compassionate and giving volunteers we have within our TCF Atlanta organization. It is important that all these volunteers be recognized and thanked….

The True Gift is in the Giving.

A Special “Thank you” to our Volunteers…..Our local TCF Atlanta organization is run solely by loving volunteers. We have people who give generously of their time and talent to make our TCF Atlanta Organization work. I realize in the beginning most people think TCF just runs itself or has a National Office that runs the local chapters…but in reality each chapter or group of chapters are run solely by the loving volunteers in their own community. I think it is important to remember all these volunteers…..


The Compassionate Friends Atlanta Area Chapters Meeting Schedule

TCF VoiceLink: (770) 491-8784 Leave word for a prompt return call Web Site: www.tcfatlanta.org Webmaster Email: [email protected]

Meet Monthly at the following locations:

Atlanta (Tucker) Chapter - 7:30 p.m., Second Tuesdays: First Christian Church of Atlanta, 4532 LaVista Rd., Tucker Contacts: Susan Carithers (770) 474-6243 or [email protected] Robert Bowers 770-326-9409 or [email protected] Ann Sechrist (770) 760-0756 or [email protected] Jayne Newton (770) 923-5356 or [email protected] Sibling Group (Tucker) - ages 12 and over. Contact: Julie Johnston at (770) 690-4295 [email protected] Jim Dirr (770) 813-9831 North Atlanta (Sandy Springs) Chapter - 7:30 p.m., Fourth Wednesdays: The Link Counseling Center, 348 Mt. Vernon Highway, Sandy Springs, GA. Contact: Judy Blumsack at (770) 410-9819 or by email: [email protected] Or Muriel Littman at (404) 603-9942 or by email: [email protected] Marietta Chapter - 7:00 - 9:00 p.m.; First Tuesdays; The Fellowship Hall of The First Baptist Church of Marietta, 148 Church Street, Marietta. Ga Contact: Marilyn Barton at (770) 424-1548 or email [email protected] or Susan Van Vleck at (770) 499-9770 or email [email protected] (New) Mid Day Meeting: 12:00 - 2:00 p.m. Third Tuesday: DaNita Chaplin's House. Call DaNita at 770-439-5703 for information and directions. Jonesboro Chapter - 7:30 p.m., First Mondays: Poston Road Baptist Church, 9701 Poston Rd., Jonesboro, GA. Contact: Contact: Freddie Saye at (770) 957-6610 (evenings) or email [email protected] Southwest Atlanta (Ben Hill) Group - 7:30 p.m., First Thursdays: . Ben Hill United Methodist Church, 2099 Fairburn Road, SW, Atlanta, Ga., 30331, Room 301 Contact: Sharon Williams at (404) 768 5440 or email [email protected] Lawrenceville Chapter - 7:30 p.m., Third Thursdays: First Baptist Church of Lawrenceville, 165 Clayton Lawrenceville, Contact: Meg Avery (770) 932-5862 or email [email protected] North Georgia Chapter (Gainesville) – 7:30 p.m., Second Thursday each month Gainesville Care Center, 435 Green Street Place, Gainesville, GA. Contact: Judy Miller at (770) 287-1239 or email [email protected] Peggy Moran 770-536-0501 or [email protected] Rome Chapter - 7:00 p.m., Second Thursday of each month at Redmond Regional Hospital, in one of their classrooms Rome, GA Contact Sandra Stinson (706) 235-6108 or [email protected] or Ginger Miles 706-291-0355 [email protected] Athens Chapter (Northeast Georgia) - 7:30 p.m. - Second Mondays: Holy Cross Lutheran Church, 800 West Lake Drive, (ext. off Alps Rd.) Athens, GA Contact Johnnie Sue Moore (706) 769-6256 or [email protected]

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