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TRANSCRIPT
“You love this shirt. It says every-thing you want to say,” so said Russel Ham-mond to his bandmates in Almost Famous. We think that’s how most Hawks fans should look at Wednesday’s loss in Columbus, as it will almost certainly be the game that Cris-tobal Huet -- who has his picture in the post office of most fans’ minds -- played himself out of any shot at the #1 slot. Certainly three, arguably all four, of Columbus’ goals were questionable at best, ghetto-shoddy at worst. Huet looks hesitant and lacking any confi-dence. The Hawks don’t have any room for these qualities now, especially in net, despite whatever big saves he may have made to keep the Hawks in it. Those big saves should have been preserving a shutout, not keeping a team competitive. Aside from Huet, we can’t find too much to complain about from Wednesday night (other than the subjects of our cartoon). The Hawks actually showed willingness to fight it out, and slog away along the boards, resulting in two of their goals. They shut down the Jackets in the 3rd, limiting them to three shots. Kane was noticeable again. Pahlsson played. It’s a very small acorn, but mighty oaks do spring from those (fuck, what are we, our dad?).Lose Your Meatball We’re aren’t going to sit here and tell you there aren’t things in the Hawks play you should worry about. There’s plenty. How-ever, we’d like to take the time to dispel some theories put forth by the meatball quotient, or as we call them around the office, “Mike North fans.”-This slide is a result of Wiz’s trade: Puh. Leez. This one’s especially for the assclown behind the Hawks bench with his sign in Co-lumbus (we’re sorry you shelled out the cash for the jersey, and that you now feel cheated. But you knew the deal going in. Get over it, fuckwad). The Hawks deficiencies in their own zone would not be solved by a player defi-cient in his own zone. Wiz is a minus-player in Behind The Net, and could be anarchy in the Hawks’ zone at times. For those that are arguing the Hawks miss his dressing room presence, we’ll take your reading of the tem-perature in there with a grain of salt, seeing as how, y’know, you’re never fucking in there! However, for argument’s sake, let’s say that’s true. That would say more about the boys that remain in the dressing room than the one who left it, wouldn’t it? People get traded, part of the job. Whatever.
-Second, that without the December March To The Sea, the Hawks aren’t a playoff team: Well, you can’t exactly just throw out that month, because they did have it, meaning they’re a team capable of going on a streak like that. But fine, let’s play your dunder-headed game. If we’re going to throw out the team’s best month, you have to throw out its worst, too, which would be this one. So without December’s and March’s record, the Hawks would be 24-16-8. That’s 56 points in 48 games, which would be a 95-point pace for an entire season. Isn’t that exactly what we thought this team would be this year? That’s certainly a playoff team, probably a 5th or 6th seed. You say the Hawks current points total is a bit inflated? Okay, we’ll give you that, but only slightly. Repeat this: “Young team + hitting a wall + spotty goaltending.” You’ll find the equation works. The Revolution Starts Now It had better, because next week is seriously ugly, and without maximum points this weekend, it will be all-out panic time. The Hawks have to go 4-1, at least, on this home stand, and two of those four have to come against Edmonton tonight, and LA Sun-day. Edmonton’s story is seemingly the one they’ve been telling for a decade now. Highly skilled and fast team scraping around the bottom of the playoff picture. They’ve only won two of their last seven, but have taken a point in four of those five losses. They do come in off a stomping of the Avs last
night. There were big expectations in Oil Country this year, based on last year’s near-miss. But we never understood why. This team had 15(!) shootout wins last year, inflat-ing their point total to ridiculous measures. The hopes this year were also pinned on a 14-5-1 finish to last year, but at mc79hockey.com points out this week, their goal-differ-ence over that stretch was a mere +6. Basi-cally, that closing record was a total fluke. And frankly, this is basically the same team as last year’s. Young stars Andrew Cogliano and Sam Gagner have not taken the steps forward the Oilers needed this year. Dustin Penner continues to be responsible for Alberta’s food shortage and budget crisis. Aged goalie Dwaye Roloson, at times, has been very good, and at times very much not so. In fact, they’ve ridden him so hard word has it the Hawks will get a look at rookie Jeff Delauriers tonight. Head Coach Craig MacTavish has not been shy about airing out players in the press, and it’s not clear that helps anyone. This is a team desperate for points, but so should be the Hawks now. There’s a reason the Hawks have tallywhacked the Oilers three times this season. There’s no chance Edmonton will try and clog the neutral zone. They don’t want to play a dump-and-chase game, either. That should play right into the Hawks’ hands. But that’s what we thought when the Islanders were here...and the Avs. It’s time to end this bullshit. If it doesn’t start to turnaround tonight, you can hit that big red button. -AIG
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[email protected] 20th, 2009
The Committed Indian
The REal Fan’s Program
WE AIN’T GOT NO SHELTERINI’S
$3
secondcityhockey.com
$3
Brian Campbell and Matt Walker go over that night’s game
Much like the rest of you, I am worried about the Hawks recent play. However, I have not thrown myself out of my apart-ment window, as I feel a lot of people have. My computer screen actually catches fire when I log onto The 300 Level these days. I can’t remember this much angst about the Hawks. Then again, the Hawks have never been in such a position to cause such angst. I’ve tried to figure out why this bedlam has taken place, and I think some of it has to do with the news cycle. We’re all encouraged, through blogs and messageboards, to react immediately. However, this is probably the worst time to do so. Even the professionals are asked write a blog as a home for their up-to-the-minute thoughts and reports. Tim Sassone, usually the bastion of rational hockey thought in this town, was ringing the alarm bells this week, hinting that Quennev-ille’s position should be looked at. I’m not complaining about new sources of hockey banter and information. After all, I share a blog myself. But I fear this impulsive style of writing and reporting leads to a lot more emotion going into our hockey talk than actual thought. I know that when writing this publication or on the blog, I try and allow myself a good hour before commenting on whatever game I’ve just seen. That usu-ally allows me to repair whatever damage I’ve done to the wall in response to these latest Hawks losses.
I also feel that on a lot of blogs, or messageboards, and
even the mainstream newspapers, there’s a need to talk loudest. Rational thought is not rewarded, but forecasting the most doom will get you noticed. This is what Rozner and Mariotti have made a living doing, and it’s unfortunate that they are allowed to do so. But with the news cycles so short now, people have to find a way to rise above the wealth of information scrolling in front of their eyes. I wouldn’t dare sit here and tell you that there aren’t things
to worry about with our Hawks these days. The PK is still causing heartburn, they haven’t shown an ability, or a will, to outfight tight-checking teams. Kane hasn’t been noticeable in a long time, Bolland looks like he’s hit a wall, the defensive corps is all making boneheaded mistakes. But to suggest that a Mets-like col-lapse is coming, or that everyone is a failure and impregnated your daughter, I think we all need a deep breath. -From my post outside Gate 3, and be-ing there when the gates open every night, I’m amazed at people’s affinity for free shit. Last Sunday took the cake. The sidewalk outside the
gates was literally filled, all for a God-ugly green Hawks hat that nobody will wear again until next March, assuming the dog doesn’t eat it by then. Still, this is probably second to the construction hel-met giveaway, which was more hilarious as all these people showed up early to own a piece of plastic crap for an hour and a half before throwing it on the ice.
FROM THE EDITOR
Sam Fels
NHL STANDINGS
W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY
1 Boston 45 17 10 100 239 170 24-6-6 21-11-4 2 Washington 45 22 6 96 237 212 26-9-2 19-13-4 3 New Jersey 46 21 3 95 218 173 25-10-1 21-11-2 4 Philadelphia 37 22 10 84 220 199 21-10-4 16-12-6 5 Pittsburgh 38 26 8 84 228 218 20-12-3 18-14-5 6 NY Rangers 37 26 8 82 181 193 21-10-4 16-16-4 7 Montreal 36 26 9 81 212 215 21-7-6 15-19-3 8 Carolina 37 28 7 81 204 205 20-13-1 17-15-6 9 Florida 35 26 10 80 197 200 19-10-6 16-16-4 10 Buffalo 34 28 8 76 205 197 20-12-3 14-16-5 11 Toronto 29 30 13 71 214 255 13-13-9 16-17-4 12 Ottawa 30 30 10 70 186 204 19-12-6 11-18-4 13 Atlanta 29 36 6 64 216 240 14-18-2 15-18-4 14 Tampa Bay 23 33 15 61 186 236 11-15-10 12-18-5 15 NY Islanders 24 38 8 56 176 224 16-14-5 8-24-3
W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Afterbirth 47 15 9 103 264 209 26-5-4 21-10-5 2 San Jose* 45 14 10 100 222 171 27-3-4 18-11-6 3 Calgary 41 23 6 88 231 215 23-8-4 18-15-2 4 Vancouver 38 23 9 85 213 191 22-11-4 16-12-5 5 HAWKS 37 22 10 84 225 185 18-8-6 19-14-4 6 Columbus 37 28 6 80 198 199 23-11-2 14-17-4 7 Edmonton 34 27 9 77 202 212 16-12-6 18-15-3 8 Nashville* 35 30 6 76 182 196 21-12-3 14-18-3 9 Minnesota 33 29 8 74 180 174 19-11-6 14-18-2 10 Dallas 33 30 8 74 202 217 19-13-4 14-17-4 11 St. Louis 32 30 9 73 196 210 19-13-5 13-17-4 12 Anaheim 33 31 6 72 194 204 17-16-3 16-15-3 13 Los Angeles 30 30 10 70 185 205 16-14-8 14-16-2 14 Phoenix 29 35 6 64 172 215 18-14-2 11-21-4 15 Colorado 31 39 2 64 188 229 18-17-0 13-22-2
PUCK DROP
Eastern Conference Western Conference
TOP 10 LIST
Top 10 Annoying, Meatball Chicago Sports Fans Theories
10. Orton is better than Grossman. Don’t let numbers get in the way or anything9. The Sox play grinder-ball. Yes, a team with no speed and an On-base of .332 plays grinder-ball.8. It’s important the Bulls make the playoffs. Though watching LeBron urinate on them for four games will by highly entertaining7. Ditka. That team should have won 2+ Super Bowls, and it’s his fault that they didn’t. Mediocre restaurants and wines aside.6. Wrigley doesn’t need major renovation5. Michael Jordan isn’t a gambling-addicted, major asswipe4. James Wisniewski, meet Aaron Rowand. Aaron Rowand, meet James Wis-niewski3. The Hawks were tougher under Savard. Believe us, we’ve heard this2. Soriano would be more useful lower in the order. We’re sure you’ll handle K’s with men on vs. K’s with bases empty just fine1. Anything Mariotti, Telander, or Rozner write
*late game not included
Dwayne Roloson-Goaltender, Edmonton: You may be actu-ally shocked to find that Rolo is 39-years old, but he didn’t get a regular role on an NHL team until he was 32, making him the original Tim Thomas. He’s also rarely been given the chance to shine on his own, splitting time with Manny Fernandez in Minnesota. After being traded to Edmonton, he carried the Oilers to the Finals, where he promptly got
hurt in Game 1. That earned him a #1 role the following season, but the Oil missed the playoffs, and this caused him split time with Mathieu Garon last season. This year, it was a three-headed clown car with Roloson, Garon (until being dealt), and rookie Jeff Deslauriers. Roloson has finally wrestled the job away for himself, just in time to be a free agent this summer. Quite honestly, Roloson is going to have to be brilliant if the Oilers are going to see mid-April. In Edmonton’s last seven wins, Rolo has had to make 30+ saves in six of them, and 35+ in four of those. The Oilers will never be confused with a defensive juggernaut, and it will be up to Roloson to make up for it.
Panic Attack 37-22-10
# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit)
88 R Patrick Kane 5' 10" 187 20 67 24 40 64 -5 40 13 0 3 220 10.9 $3,725,000
19 C Captain Marvel 6' 2" 209 20 69 29 31 60 5 47 12 0 6 169 17.2 $2,800,000
24 R The Perfect Beard 6' 2" 217 27 68 21 38 59 18 24 5 0 4 205 10.2 $6,000,000
32 L VerStud 5' 10" 180 22 66 20 29 49 16 55 5 4 2 114 17.5 $491,667
51 D Brian Campbell 6' 0" 188 29 69 7 38 45 -2 20 4 0 1 93 7.5 $7,142,875
36 C Dave Bolland 6' 0" 188 22 69 16 24 40 18 42 1 2 4 96 16.7 $845,833
16 L Andrew Ladd 6' 2" 198 23 69 11 28 39 21 26 0 0 1 165 6.7 $1,550,000
10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6' 1" 197 27 54 23 15 38 2 39 8 0 4 163 14.1 $3,900,000
25 D Cam Barker 6' 3" 213 22 56 5 32 37 -8 53 5 0 1 78 6.4 $2,768,587
2 D Duncan Keith 6' 1" 194 25 65 8 28 36 27 40 2 1 1 143 5.6 $1,475,000
22 R Troy Brouwer 6' 2" 213 23 60 10 16 26 7 50 4 1 0 116 8.6 $675,000
33 R Dustin Byfuglien 6' 3" 247 23 64 12 13 25 2 73 3 0 3 170 7.1 $3,000,000
7 D Brent Seabrook 6' 3" 220 23 69 6 12 18 18 53 2 1 0 110 5.5 $3,500,000
46 C Colin Fraser 6' 1" 188 23 69 5 10 15 2 51 0 0 0 57 8.8 $500,000
26 C Samuel Pahlsson 6' 0" 204 31 53 5 10 15 -17 32 1 0 1 75 6.7 $301,000
55 L Ben Eager 6' 2" 220 24 65 10 4 14 2 139 0 0 0 69 14.5 $568,000
8 D Matt Walker 6' 3" 214 28 57 1 13 14 7 75 0 0 0 76 1.3 $600,000
37 R Adam Burish 6' 1" 189 26 53 5 3 8 3 71 0 0 2 73 6.8 $712,500
23 D Aaron Johnson 6' 1" 211 25 29 3 5 8 18 24 0 0 1 20 15 $600,000
5 D Brent Sopel 6' 1" 211 32 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333
56 C Tim Brent 6' 0" 188 25 2 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 $99,000
4 D Niklas Hjalmarsson 6' 2" 200 21 8 0 0 0 -1 0 0 0 0 5 0 $643,000
# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary
39 Nikolai Khabibulin 6' 1" 209 36 31 1787 2.45 17 7 5 1 919 73 0.921 0 2 8 $6,750,000
38 Cristobal Huet 6' 1" 205 33 39 2231 2.5 19 14 4 3 1031 93 0.910 0 0 2 $5,625,000
Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 31.3 2.61 37 22 10 4 29.2/g 173 0.914 0 2 10 $12,375,000
TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000
CAP SPACE: $274,000**space also affected by buyouts and injured players
16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every-thing I can think of to drive the core
fan away, strip hockey of all that’s great about it, and eliminate any at-tention by the mainstream media...
I am so close to completing the task Stern charged me with....
*injured
Injury ListBrent Sopel- Out (Talent)Patrick Sharp- Out (Knee)Cam Barker- Questionable (Lower)
Probable LinesLeft Wing Center Right Wing
22 Brouwer 19 Toews 88 Kane16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat
32 Versteeg 26 Pahlsson 33 Byfuglien37 Burish 46 Fraser 55 Eager
Probable Pairings2 Keith 7 Seabrook
51 Campbell 4 Hjalmarsson8 Walker 25 Barker
Totals/Averages 6’ 1” 202.5 24.4 222 390 14.7/g 66 9 33.2/g 9.7% $44,607,000
Unquestionably, that was Hammer’s best game in the NHL on Wednesday, and this after being tossed in the deepest of deep ends known as “Campbell’s partner.”
You may have missed it, but in the 2nd on Wednesday, after Campbell nearly caused a too-many-men penalty with yet another lazy change, Seabrook was caught on camera clearly chewing his ass out. Perhaps it’s not only the fans who are fed up with #51.
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ust be checking his records to see if he’s run over one of Q’s kids, as that’s
the only reason we can figure he hasn’t cracked the lineup over W
alker.
# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit)
83 R Ales Hemsky 6' 0" 192 25 60 21 35 56 1 16 4 0 2 159 13.2 $4,100,000
44 D Sheldon Souray 6' 4" 233 32 69 21 26 47 0 90 10 1 4 235 8.9 $5,400,000
10 C Shawn Horcoff 6' 1" 208 30 68 16 30 46 5 37 8 0 2 151 10.6 $3,600,000
77 D Tom Gilbert 6' 3" 206 26 70 4 36 40 8 22 2 0 1 93 4.3 $4,000,000
19 C Patrick O'Sullivan 5' 11" 190 24 69 15 25 40 0 20 2 1 1 214 7 $629,000
21 R Ales Kotalik 6' 1" 227 30 63 14 22 36 -5 28 8 0 1 168 8.3 $502,000
13 C Andrew Cogliano 5' 10" 184 21 70 16 18 34 -3 18 3 0 4 106 15.1 $1,133,000
89 C Sam Gagner 5' 11" 191 19 64 13 20 33 3 47 5 0 1 134 9.7 $1,625,000
71 D Lubomir Visnovsky 5' 10" 188 32 50 8 23 31 6 30 5 0 1 86 9.3 $5,600,000
37 D Denis Grebeshkov 6' 0" 209 25 60 4 27 31 10 24 1 0 0 45 8.9 $1,500,000
27 R Dustin Penner 6' 4" 245 26 67 14 16 30 5 56 3 0 5 114 12.3 $4,250,000
12 R Robert Nilsson 5' 11" 185 24 56 9 17 26 2 24 4 0 1 69 13 $1,833,000
18 L Ethan Moreau 6' 2" 220 33 65 13 12 25 1 127 0 1 2 139 9.4 $2,000,000
51 C Kyle Brodziak 6' 2" 209 24 68 10 13 23 3 21 1 1 2 88 11.4 $497,000
78 C Marc Pouliot 6' 1" 195 23 61 8 12 20 1 21 0 0 2 91 8.8 $825,000
24 D Steve Staios 6' 1" 200 35 68 2 11 13 -2 77 0 0 0 62 3.2 $2,700,000
85 L Liam Reddox 5' 10" 180 23 43 5 6 11 -3 10 1 0 0 38 13.2 $396,000
5 D Ladislav Smid 6' 3" 226 23 54 0 11 11 -4 53 0 0 0 28 0 $886,000
46 R Zack Stortini 6' 3" 228 23 46 5 5 10 -3 154 0 0 0 21 23.8 $700,000
34 R Fernando Pisani 6' 1" 205 32 26 4 6 10 1 14 0 0 0 47 8.5 $2,500,000
43 D Jason Strudwick 6' 4" 225 33 60 2 7 9 -1 58 0 0 0 26 7.7 $650,000
33 L Steve MacIntyre 6' 5" 250 28 19 1 0 1 -2 36 0 0 0 3 33.3 $537,000
22 L J.F. Jacques 6' 4" 217 23 3 1 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 1 100 $525,000
49 D Theo Peckham 6' 2" 223 21 10 0 0 0 -1 48 0 0 0 5 0 $174,000
...IS THIS THE YEAR?
# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary
35 Dwayne Roloson 6' 1" 180 39 53 2999 2.72 25 17 9 1 1611 136 0.916 0 0 6 $3,667,000
38 Jeff Deslauriers 6' 4" 200 24 8 420 3.57 3 2 0 0 225 25 0.889 0 1 0 $625,000
Totals/Averages 6' 2" 190 31 2.97 34 27 9 1 32.1 208 0.907 0 1 6 $4,292,000
TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $54,970,000
CAP SPACE: $1,730,000
*space also affected by buyouts and injured players
OIl spill 34-27-9
* injured
Injury ListLubomir Visnovsky-Out (Shoulder)
Probable LinesLeft Wing Center Right Wing
19 O’Sullivan 10 Horcoff 83 Hemsky13 Cogliano 12 Nilsson 21 Kotalik85 Reddox 89 Gagner 34 Pisani18 Moreau 51 Brodziak 27 Penner
Probable Pairings44 Souray 24 Staios
37 Grebeshkov 77 Gilbert5 Smid 43 Strudwick
Totals/Averages 6’ 1” 209.8 26 197 365 15.5/g 52 4 27.7/g 8.9% $50,040,000
Gagner’s heating up. He’s on a 5-game point streak, and had a hat trick last night in Denver.
Hem
sky has two pow
er play goals since Dec. 1.
Last night was Rolo’s 23rd straight start, which is why there’s been talk it’ll be Deslauriers tonight.
What Would Pat Foley Call This?
*note: We wrote this through tears, as Foley is still the soundtrack to most of our childhood. But no one is safe from the cut of our rapier-wit.
A. Dustin BrownB. Dave BollandC. Dustin Albatross
A. Troy MurrayB. Dave BollandC. Bernie the Brewer
A. Patrick KaneB. Dave BollandC. Patrick Swayze
A. Hillary SwankB. Dave BollandC. My saucy little minx
A. A PanamaB. Dave BollandC. Dustin Byfuglien
A. President AlabamaB. Dave BollandC. Ozzie Guillen
What To Watch For: Despite their reputation for speed and skill, the Oilers rank 4th in fightin’ words this year, with 60. Obviously, the runaway leader is the overgrown pituatary that is Zack Stortini with 20 fights, which ties him for second in the entire league. But he’s not the only one to watch. Strudwick, MacIntyre, and old friend Ethan Moreau are all capable. With the Oilers playing with a high-level of desperation, watch for something if they fall behind. You’ll know if it’s Stortini, you
can’t miss that smell.
Team Opp PPG PP%DET 314 83 26.4WSH 298 73 24.5SJS 309 72 23.3BOS 277 61 22BUF 307 67 21.8CHI 310 66 21.3STL 299 63 21.1ANA 266 56 21PHI 272 57 21NJD 261 53 20.3LAK 318 64 20.1MIN 276 55 19.9ATL 298 59 19.8TOR 291 56 19.2OTT 297 57 19.2
Team OPP PPG PP%CGY 308 59 19.2VAN 300 57 19TBL 301 55 18.3MTL 320 56 17.5CAR 332 58 17.5NYI 279 48 17.2
EDM 307 52 16.9PIT 318 53 16.7COL 287 47 16.4DAL 314 49 15.6FLA 268 41 15.3PHX 291 44 15.1NSH 280 41 14.6NYR 298 43 14.4CBJ 294 37 12.6
Power PlayTeam TS PPGA PK%NYR 287 37 87.1MIN 250 33 86.8NSH 306 49 84CGY 316 51 83.9BUF 294 49 83.3SJS 269 45 83.3
LAK 303 52 82.8FLA 279 48 82.8PHI 342 59 82.8NYI 305 53 82.6STL 312 55 82.4MTL 325 58 82.2BOS 267 48 82PIT 298 55 81.5CBJ 297 55 81.5
Team TS PPGA PK%CHI 291 55 81.1OTT 295 56 81NJD 275 53 80.7ANA 334 66 80.2VAN 318 64 79.9WSH 350 71 79.7TBL 344 71 79.4CAR 271 56 79.3DAL 280 58 79.3COL 279 58 79.2DET 284 62 78.2PHX 249 56 77.5EDM 292 69 76.4ATL 304 73 76TOR 274 67 75.6
Penalty Kill
GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Nose
Black Eye
Bruised Ego
Just Dancing
Analysis
2-3-09 Walker vs.Stortini II
1st.4:38 √ The words, “monkeys,” “humping,” and
“football,” come to mind
12-16-08 Eager vs.Stortini
1st.2:35 √ Stortini lands a couple shots early, not much
after. The funny part is Eager goes on to score 2 of the Hawks 9 this night.
10-22-08 Fraser vs.Smid
1st.16:03 √ Smid comes to the aid of Visnovsky, who was
buried, legally, by Fraser in the corner. Real-ized the follies of his ways, not much ensues.
10-22-08 Walker vs.Stortini I
1st.7:57 √ Walks lands some nice shots early and late,
Stortini just holds on. Walker in a decision.
HAWKS vs. OILERSFight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com
The Fight Card
Spotlight
Dustin Penner
See if this sounds familiar: A big, power-forward prototype has a big season, and is rewarded with large contract. He then proceeds to float around the ice, and only show determination and work ethic when going back to the buffet for seconds. Ringing a bell? Well, unfortunately for the Oilers, Dustin Byfuglien is only the sequel to Dustin Penner. Penner looked for all the world like he would be Godzilla on ice in the Ducks’ Cup-winning season. 29 goals at the age of 24, a 6’ 4”, 245-pound monster. The Oilers rushed to sign him to an offer sheet at over $4 million a year, causing Brian Burker to have his period, a brain-bubble, and cough up a lung all at the same time. He’s still complaining about it. What have the Oilers gotten for their investment? 23 goals last year, and a mere 14 this year. Penner has even been hung out to dry in the press by his own coach, something Buff hasn’t managed. Yet. This is what head coach Craig MacTavish had to say about Penner in November: “He’s not competitive enough or fit enough to help us, so why put him back in? He’s never been fit enough to help us,” MacTavish told the Edmonton Sun. “We signed him to be a top-two line player and that’s kind of where it ended. The difference was we thought the contract was a starting point, and he’s viewed it as a finish line. It’s been one thing after an-other. I can’t watch it for - certainly not another two and-a-half years.” Yeah, we agree with you, Craig, more than you know. But we’re not done. If you want to know what Oilers fans think of Penner, here’s what the now-defunct Covered In Oil had to say about him: “Would fitting his helmet with a rack of ribs dangling on the end of a stick help him keep up with the play? For the $15 it could cost, seems like a low-risk, high reward experiment. I’d say we have at least three or four games before he figures out that he can easily reach the ribs with his hands.”
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KNOW THY ENEMY
Hawks-oilers: the Last 4
Feb. 3rd, 2009: Hawks 3, Oilers 1The last of three straight tallywhackings the Hawks
have given the Oil this season. Barker, Bolland (where tallywhack was born), and Havlat cancel
out Moreau’s opening goal, and it’s not this close.
Dec. 16th, 2008: Hawks 9, Oilers 2Hawks win a squeaker.
Oct. 22nd, 2008: Oilers 0, Hawks 3Khabby stops all 23 Oiler shots, and Sharp, Sea-brook, and Johnson provide the markers for the
Hawks first shutout of the year. Combined score this year between the two teams is 15-3.
Mar. 9th, 2008: Oilers 6, Hawks 5 (OT)An acid-flashback of a game, where neither team considers playing defense for a second. Cogliano
wins it in OT, and the loss deals major blow to Hawks playoff push.
Both Dennis from mc79hockey.com and Bruce from Oil Droppings (oildroppings.blogspot.com) come in from the cold to tell us about the Oil.
It’s been another glass-chew of a season up in Northern Alberta, what’s been the biggest theme of your season?Bruce: Two steps forward, two back. The Oilers have been hovering around 8th in the conference all year, typically winning a couple when they are in danger of falling back, but losing a couple any time they have a chance to create a little space. Dwayne Roloson has turned back the clock with a team-MVP perfor-mance at age 39. Sheldon Souray has been a key contributor to the offence with 20 goals from the blueline. The young players are suffering growing pains, with nobody clearly making “the next step”. The organization’s failure to address a critical hole at third line centre after veterans Jarret Stoll and Marty Reasoner moved on have had many tearing their hair out. Their absence is particularly noticeable on a penalty-kill unit -- normally a strength of a MacTavish team -- which has had a horrible season. There are also depth questions on the blueline and between the pipes.
Why did Erik Cole not work out, and what will Patrick O’Sullivan and Ales Kotalik bring that he didn’t?Dennis: Cole was initially played on the left wing on the top line with Horcoff and Hemsky and it didn’t work out. From then on, he was in limbo in terms of trying to find some chemistry until later in the season when he landed on Gagner’s right wing. He didn’t exactly tear it up at that point, either, but he did improve and was just starting to pick up the pace before being dealt back to Carolina. O”Sullivan will bring more skill - along with an affordable contract that extends two years beyond this season - but he’s been having an off-year him-self and that move was more about the balance sheet than it was the scoreesheet. Regarding Kotalik, he really hasn’t worked out thus far with the Oilers. Early on he was played with Horcoff and Hemsky but that line didn’t click and now he’s taken Cole’s place on Gagner’s right wing. Kotalik’s old enough that we know what he is and he’s basically a 20 goal scorer and that’s nothing to get excited about. Craig MacTavish has, at times, heard it from the Oil faithful. As he made missteps? Is he going to survive to coach next fall?Bruce: MacTavish has made many mis-steps which have been analyzed ad nau-seam in the Oilogosphere. People have questioned his deployment of goaltenders both before and after the Mathieu Garon trade, his reliance on veterans like Jason Strudwick and Ethan Moreau, and out-of-position experiments such as Fernando Pisani at centre and Erik Cole and even Ladi Smid at left wing.
You guys have the original Dustin Byfuglien in Dustin Penner. What weap-ons are you thinking about using on his face?
Dennis: It’s funny that you mention those guys in the same sentance because a friend of mine actually refers to Penner as “Mini Byfuglien.” Honestly, I don’t have such a big problem with Penner as much as I do his contract and I understand there’s nothing the guy can do about that and that it shouldn’t affect his icetime. The fans have always had the knives ready for him because he essen-tially replaced Ryan Smyth as #1 left winger and he hasn’t been able to keep up. Things have gotten worse for him lately, though, as MacTavish has broken out the whip for Penner a couple of times in terms of making him a healthy scratch and the local press are all over the kid. Though he isn’t great and isn’t worth his freight - $4.25 mill a season - he’s still our best option on the left wing and in my opinion should be played accordingly. I mention that contract because I imagine Hawks fans will really start to resent Byfuglien next season with him making 3 mill and both Bolland and Versteeg about to come up for what should be signifi-cant raises.
Has Sam Gagner taken a step back this year? What about Cogliano? Dennis: Gagner has certainly taken a step back in terms of counting stats - goals, assists and points - but there are other numbers that show the kid’s coming along just fine and if he came back and put up 60 points in 2010, I don’t think many would be surprised. The deal with the perception of Gagner is he’s being afforded the softer minutes instead of a guy like Horcoff who is basically doing for the Oilers what Bolland’s doing for the Hawks. Gagner isn’t doing a lot with what he’s being offered but I think a lot of it’s been just bad luck. Plus, it’s only as of late that he’s been part of the first PP unit so you know that’s where a lot of guys make their paper. Cogliano’s been tried as a centre and has played the season primar-ily with linemates like Moreau and Pouliot, so I’m not sure if we can expect a lot offense from him. Personally, I think he’s doing fine considering who’s been lining up on his wing. Going forward, I don’t like his faceoff percentage or his defensive coverage so we’ll see what the future brings regarding his current role. I could see him as a 25 goal scorer and 60 point guy just as soon as he lands on Gagner’s wing on a regular basis, though, so right now I think he’s just miscast.
Bottom Line: You guys making the playoffs?Dennis: Despite all the problems I’ve illuminated, I say, yes, this club makes the playoffs. I’m writing this on Thursday before the night’s action begins but the Oilers are in a good position right now and they’ve got a favourable schedule down the stretch.Bruce: As usual in northern Alberta, it’s going right down to the last week. The loss for the season of Oilers’ highest-paid player and best defenceman Lubomir Visnovsky in the last Hawks game has been a serious blow that has clearly af-fected the flow of play in the wrong direction and forced a greater reliance on Roloson, whose focus and endurance has held up remarkably well to this point. While the Oilers have lots of depth up front, any further injury on the back end might be a death blow to playoff hopes.
NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING
Aaron Johnson -0.03 -0.18 11.74 3.88 1.23 2.64 2.15 2.02 0.13 2.52
N. Hjalmarsson 0.01 -0.09 11.08 0 0.77 -0.77 1.85 4.22 -2.38 1.6
Andrew Ladd 0.1 0.13 12.81 3.51 2.2 1.31 2.31 2.12 0.19 1.12
Duncan Keith 0.08 0.1 18.43 3.1 2.09 1.02 2.55 2.31 0.24 0.77
Adam Burish -0.08 -0.11 7.11 2.44 1.46 0.97 2.67 2.27 0.4 0.58
Dave Bolland 0.11 0.25 12.6 3.22 2.31 0.91 2.43 2.08 0.35 0.56
Martin Havlat 0.06 0.15 13.45 3.33 2.53 0.8 2.39 2 0.39 0.4
Troy Brouwer 0.01 -0.17 11.58 2.46 1.67 0.79 2.67 2.22 0.45 0.34
Matt Walker -0.03 -0.12 13.94 2.77 2.08 0.69 2.45 2.04 0.41 0.28
Kris Versteeg 0.02 -0.16 12.14 2.74 2.13 0.61 2.66 2.24 0.42 0.19
Brent Seabrook 0.09 0.25 16.52 2.56 1.98 0.59 2.7 2.24 0.46 0.13
Tim Brent -0.32 -0.28 8.34 0 0 0 2.33 2.33 0 0
Colin Fraser -0.12 -0.15 7.78 2.27 1.82 0.45 2.73 2.21 0.52 -0.06
Jonathan Toews 0.02 -0.06 13.23 2.8 2.4 0.4 2.59 2.04 0.55 -0.15
Ben Eager -0.12 -0.12 8.23 2.28 1.82 0.46 2.79 2.15 0.63 -0.18
Patrick Kane 0.04 -0.1 13.85 2.56 2.36 0.2 2.54 2.11 0.43 -0.24
Dustin Byfuglien -0.02 -0.02 11.88 2 1.68 0.32 2.97 2.39 0.58 -0.26
Brian Campbell -0.03 -0.05 17.23 2.71 2.61 0.1 2.62 1.86 0.76 -0.65
Patrick Sharp -0.01 -0.02 13.25 2.52 2.26 0.25 2.9 1.83 1.07 -0.82
Cam Barker -0.04 -0.11 13.14 2.08 2.66 -0.58 2.8 1.89 0.91 -1.49
Samuel Pahlsson 0.05 -0.99 12.16 1.68 2.79 -1.12 2.76 1.92 0.84 -1.96
Hockey SabermetricsCHICAGO
Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calcu-lated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60.
Player GFON/60
Cam Barker 11.51
Troy Brouwer 9.34
Patrick Kane 8.76
Patrick Sharp 8.61
Jonathan Toews 8.37
Brian Campbell 7.73
Dustin Byfuglien 6.58
Brent Seabrook 6.17
Duncan Keith 6.15
Martin Havlat 6.11
Kris Versteeg 5.56
Player GA/60
Troy Brouwer 3.95
Aaron Johnson 5.4
Adam Burish 5.48
Duncan Keith 5.57
Brent Seabrook 5.75
Andrew Ladd 6.44
Colin Fraser 6.54
Samuel Pahlsson 6.61
Matt Walker 6.62
Kris Versteeg 6.72
Dave Bolland 7.31
Cam Barker 7.67
N. Hjalmarsson 14.52
Power Play RatingsThis is a measure of a team’s goals-for per 60 minutes of player being on the
ice on the power play.
Penalty Kill RatingsThis measures how many goals a team
gives up per 60 minutes the player is on the ice on the PK.
Corsi RatingShots attempted for a team vs. how many are at-
tempted against while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min.
NAME CORSI
Jonathan Toews 16.4
Martin Havlat 15.8
Brian Campbell 14
Andrew Ladd 13.8
Troy Brouwer 13.8
Patrick Kane 12.9
Kris Versteeg 12
Patrick Sharp 11.9
Dustin Byfuglien 11.7
Brent Seabrook 11.6
Duncan Keith 11.4
Cam Barker 10.9
Adam Burish 10.6
Dave Bolland 10.1
Matt Walker 8.8
Aaron Johnson 8.1
Ben Eager 8
Colin Fraser 4.4
N. Hjalmarsson -1.5
Samuel Pahlsson -13.9
Penalties Drawn vs. Taken
NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60
Adam Burish 1.6 1
Colin Fraser 1.6 0.5
Patrick Kane 1.6 1
Kris Versteeg 1.4 0.7
Patrick Sharp 1.4 0.9
Dave Bolland 1.3 0.8
Ben Eager 1.3 2.5
Andrew Ladd 1.2 0.8
Jonathan Toews 1.2 0.9
Dustin Byfuglien 1.2 1.2
Martin Havlat 1.1 0.6
Troy Brouwer 1.1 1
Brian Campbell 0.5 0.4
Samuel Pahlsson 0.5 1.2
Aaron Johnson 0.4 1.9
Matt Walker 0.3 0.6
Brent Seabrook 0.3 0.9
Duncan Keith 0.2 0.8
Cam Barker 0.1 0.7
N. Hjalmarsson 0 0
Face-offsPlayer Face-Offs Taken FO%
Jonathan Toews 1154 54.9
Samuel Pahlsson 1075 53.9
Colin Fraser 701 47.8
Dave Bolland 1016 44.6
Total Rank: 26th 47.9
Hockey Sabermetrics
Player GAON/60
Fernando Pisani 4.52
P. O'Sullivan 6.23
Jason Strudwick 6.6
Sheldon Souray 6.84
Kyle Brodziak 8.17
Tom Gilbert 8.41
Steve Staios 8.49
Shawn Horcoff 8.62
Ethan Moreau 9.24
D. Grebeshkov 10.06
Liam Reddox 10.07
Power Play RatingsThis is a measure of a team’s goals for per 60 minutes of player being on the
ice on the power play.
Penalty Kill RatingsThis measures how many goals a team gives up per 60 minutes the
player is on the ice on the PK.
Corsi RatingThis measures how many shots are attempted for a team vs. how many are attempted against while a
given player is on the ice, per 60 min.
NAME CORSIP. O'Sullivan 9.4
Dustin Penner 7.4
L. Visnovsky 5.8
Ales Hemsky 5.3
Denis Grebeshkov 4
Sam Gagner 1.1
Shawn Horcoff -0.3
Ales Kotalik -0.7
Sheldon Souray -1.6
Robert Nilsson -2.3
Tom Gilbert -2.8
Andrew Cogliano -3.2
M.A. Pouliot -4
J.F. Jacques -8.9
Ethan Moreau -11
Steve Staios -13.1
Ladislav Smid -13.7
Fernando Pisani -15.3
Jason Strudwick -15.4
Penalties Drawn vs. Taken
NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60
Steve MacIntyre 2.9 1
P. O'Sullivan 1.8 0.3
Andrew Cogliano 1.4 0.6
Ales Hemsky 1.3 0.4
Zack Stortini 1.3 1.8
Shawn Horcoff 1.2 0.9
Ethan Moreau 1.1 2.1
Liam Reddox 1.1 0.8
Dustin Penner 1 1
M.A. Pouliot 0.8 0.8
Fernando Pisani 0.8 1.1
Steve Staios 0.8 1.2
L. Visnovsky 0.7 1
Sam Gagner 0.7 1
Robert Nilsson 0.7 0.7
Ales Kotalik 0.6 0.6
Ladislav Smid 0.6 1.2
Denis Grebeshkov 0.5 0.7
Kyle Brodziak 0.4 0.5
Face-offsPlayer Face-Offs Taken FO%
Shawn Horcoff 1498 53.5
Kyle Brodziak 819 51.0
Sam Gagner 551 44.3
Andrew Cogliano 577 37.8
Total: Rank: 22nd 48.3
Player GFON/60
Dustin Penner 6.57
Sheldon Souray 6.44
Ales Kotalik 5.94
Robert Nilsson 5.81
Sam Gagner 5.54
Ales Hemsky 5.52
L. Visnovsky 5.38
Tom Gilbert 5.27
Denis Grebeshkov 5.05
Shawn Horcoff 4.9
P. O'Sullivan 4.79
NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING
L. Visnovsky 0 0.14 16.79 2.64 1.93 0.71 2.29 2.8 -0.51 1.22
Denis Grebeshkov -0.01 0.18 15.38 3.24 2.38 0.86 2.04 2.34 -0.3 1.16
J.F. Jacques 0.02 -0.47 9.02 4.44 4.44 0 3.11 4.15 -1.04 1.04
P. O'Sullivan -0.04 -0.08 13.57 2.67 2.34 0.33 1.77 2.33 -0.56 0.89
Dustin Penner 0.01 0.14 12.11 2.85 2.18 0.68 2.41 2.44 -0.03 0.7
Shawn Horcoff 0.04 0.21 13.65 2.82 2.3 0.52 2.35 2.35 0 0.52
Ales Hemsky 0.01 0.25 13.65 2.76 2.31 0.45 2.31 2.37 -0.06 0.51
Sam Gagner -0.02 0.1 13.12 2.54 2.11 0.44 2.48 2.48 0 0.44
Robert Nilsson -0.02 0.12 12.32 2.39 2.3 0.09 2.17 2.5 -0.33 0.42
Tom Gilbert 0.01 0.1 15.65 2.94 2.61 0.33 2.26 2.29 -0.03 0.36
Sheldon Souray 0.02 0.08 15.57 2.38 2.38 0 2.52 2.46 0.06 -0.06
Andrew Cogliano -0.02 -0.02 11.59 2.25 2.25 0 2.58 2.45 0.13 -0.13
M.A. Pouliot -0.06 -0.08 10.22 2.41 2.5 -0.1 2.51 2.43 0.08 -0.18
Fernando Pisani 0.06 0.02 12.55 2.49 2.49 0 2.18 1.9 0.28 -0.28
Ethan Moreau 0.02 -0.04 12.6 2.31 2.53 -0.22 2.46 2.32 0.14 -0.37
Kyle Brodziak -0.07 -0.17 9.82 2.37 2.64 -0.27 2.57 2.37 0.2 -0.48
Ales Kotalik -0.05 -0.02 11.93 2.19 2.6 -0.41 2.26 2.15 0.11 -0.52
Theo Peckham -0.16 -0.23 10.67 2.81 3.38 -0.56 2.53 2.53 0 -0.56
Zack Stortini -0.11 -0.23 7.28 2.69 3.4 -0.72 2.38 2.42 -0.03 -0.68
Steve Staios -0.03 -0.13 15.3 1.99 2.28 -0.29 2.86 2.44 0.42 -0.71
Ladislav Smid -0.04 -0.14 13.92 2.03 2.52 -0.49 2.66 2.44 0.22 -0.71
Jason Strudwick -0.07 -0.17 10.74 1.89 2.46 -0.57 2.85 2.37 0.47 -1.04
Liam Reddox -0.05 -0.05 9.21 2.17 2.79 -0.62 2.84 2.29 0.55 -1.17
EDMONTONEvery game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calcu-lated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60.
Referee Stats For The HawksReferees 1st NHL
GameHawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks
PK’s Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/
GameW L OTL
2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0
3 Leggo, Mike 1997 5 19 22 8.2 3.8 4.4 4 0 1
4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0
5 Rooney, Chris 2000 1 4 1 5.0 4.0 1.0 1 0 0
6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0
7 McCreary, Bill 1984 4 17 15 8.0 4.3 3.8 2 3 0
8 Jackson, Dave 1990 6 28 24 8.7 4.7 4.0 4 1 1
10 Devorski, Paul 1989 3 12 16 9.3 4 5.3 1 2 0
11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 2 11 14 12.5 5.5 7 0 2 0
12 Koharski, Don 1981 4 19 20 9.8 4.8 5.0 3 0 1
13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 5 26 20 9.2 5.2 4 2 2 1
14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 6 28 24 8.6 4.3 4 4 1 1
15 Auger, Stephane 2000 4 17 13 7.5 4.3 3.3 3 0 1
16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1
18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0
20 Peel, Tim 1999 4 19 19 9.5 4.7 4.7 2 2 0
21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 4 17 10 6.7 4.2 2.5 2 0 2
23 Watson, Brad 1996 3 13 6 6.3 4.3 2 1 1 1
25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 13 5 9.0 6.5 2.5 1 0 1
26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0
27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 6 27 26 8.8 4.5 4.3 2 3 1
28 Lee, Chris 2001 2 11 10 10.5 5.5 5 1 1 0
29 Walsh, Ian 2000 1 1 3 4.0 1.0 3.0 0 1 0
30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 3 22 13 11.7 7.3 4.3 0 1 2
32 Kowal, Tom 2000 4 13 10 5.8 3.3 2.5 4 0 0
33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 3 10 12 7.3 3.3 4.0 1 1 1
34 Meier, Brad 1999 4 14 20 8.5 3.5 5.0 3 1 0
35 Warren, Dean 1999 - - - - - - - - -
36 Morton, Dean 2000 2 16 10 13.0 8.0 5.0 0 1 1
38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1
39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 5 30 24 10.8 6 4.8 3 0 2
40 Kozari, Steve 2006 4 26 20 11.5 6.5 5.0 2 2 0
42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 2 11 13 12.0 5.5 6.5 1 0 1
43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 3 12 14 8.6 4 4.6 2 1 0
45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 6 29 26 9.2 4.8 4.3 3 1 2
NHL LEADERSPoints
Player Team P
1 Evgeni Malkin PIT 1022 A. Ovechkin WAS 933 S. Crosby PIT 924 Pavel Datsyuk DET 875 Zach Parise NJ 8527 Patrick Kane CHI 64
Goals
Player Team G
1 A. Ovechkin WAS 502 Zach Parise NJ 413 Jeff Carter PHI 384 I. Kovalchuk ATL 365 P. Marleau SJ 3621 J. Toews CHI 29
GAA
Player Team GAA
1 Tim Thomas BOS 2.132 Steve Mason CBJ 2.253 Pekka Rinne NSH 2.284 Jonas Hiller ANA 2.335 N. Backstrom MIN 2.3811 N. Khabibulin CHI 2.45
SV%
Player Team SV%
1 Tim Thomas BOS .9302 T. Vokoun FLA .9263 Craig Anderson FLA .9234 N. Backstrom MIN .9215 Pekka Rinne NSH .9216 N. Khabibulin CHI .921
Once again, our maven at Behind The Net (behindthenet.ca) Hawerchuk drops in to provide us a numerical look at hockey.
During the 2004 lockout, I watched former NHLer Eric Cairns play for the London Racers of the English Ice Hockey League. At six-foot-five, Cairns was a bruising defenseman who the Penguins traded for to protect Sidney Crosby. He’d better be an enforcer: even in the English League, against a team that had only dressed two lines, Cairns appeared to lack mobility and stick-handling skills. When I looked up his career stats, I was somewhat amazed to find that after finishing junior hockey, from Age 20 to Age 32, he had scored just 18 goals. Not 18 NHL goals. 18 goals in 639 games at all levels of hockey. Think about that – Eric Cairns scored a goal every 35 games. If he scored one goal in a season, it was pretty unlikely that he would score a second. It over him over 100 games in the NHL to score. Among players who were good enough to play in the NHL, Eric Cairns was a legend-arily bad goalscorer.
But with yet another ill-advised New York Islanders call-up this year, we have a contender for Cairns’ title: 21-year-old Joel “Wrecker” Rechlicz. Rechlicz, if you can believe this, has just one goal in 166 games since he turned 17. As you might imag-ine, he does have 567 penalty minutes per goal over that time frame. This got me wondering who the all-time worst goal-scorers have been in the history of the NHL. I don’t care what level you score at – even if a goal in Junior B translates to 5% of a goal in the NHL, I want to know which players have such stone hands that they’ll be mobbed by their teammates if they somehow put the puck in the net. Well, here’s our top nine, standing an average of 6-foot-3 and 219 pounds:
Name Years GP G PIM PIM/G
Joel Rechlicz 2009 166 1 567 567
Trevor Gillies 2005-2006 704 14 2934 210
David Koci 2006-2009 585 10 1948 195
Boris Valabik 2007-2009 373 10 1441 144
Ken Baumgartner 1987-1999 954 23 3280 143
Bennett Wolf 1980-1983 477 18 2488 138
Kim Clackson 1979-1981 547 16 2159 135
Wade Brookbank 2003-2009 632 20 2668 133
Garrett Burnett 2003-2004 525 26 3416 131
Why nine and not some normal round number like 10 or 15? Well, it turns out that disastrously bad goal-scoring skills are harder to come by than you might think. There are a few players who racked up 3000 or 4000 penalty minutes but were clearly great scorers in midget hockey and matured (if you can call it that) into goons. Or there are players who couldn’t score but clearly got to play a little bit on the power play and so got in on the glory of goal-scoring just a little bit. So this just a list of players who can’t score, can’t pass, and get into fights all the time – yet got to play in the NHL!
In case you’re wondering, there is another player who’s threatening to make the top of this list: Rechlicz’s brother Marc, who has had plenty of fights since he left high school hockey – but has been credited with exactly zero goals and zero assists.
Can’t Buy A Goal!
Matt’s Musings
Hawerchuk
Behind The Net
-We hope there was a bonus for Martin Brodeur after his record-breaking win. Yesterday, in New Jersey court Brodeur was ordered to pay his ex-wife $500k a year until 2020. No matter how much money you make, that’s a bad day. - Funny story out of Pittsburgh’s 6-4 win against Boston last Sunday on Puck Daddy. Apparently, Bruins center Marc Savard got a little chirpy after a Bruins goal. Sidney Crosby, ‘natch, took offense, and got into it with Savard. It escalated to the point where Crosby challenged Savard to a fight, with Savard responding, “Take that pussy shield off and I’d be glad to.” Crosby then had an equipment-man remove his visor for his next shift, at which point he went to encounter Savard, who wanted no part. Obviously, Savard heard it from the Pittsburgh bench the rest of the game. You wonder what he heard from his own bench. -Hope this makes you feel a little better: Don’t know if you can catch them, with their games on so late, but the San Jose Sharks
are backing up just like our Hawks.
They’re 4-6-1 in their last 11, and coming off a mind-numbing loss to Phoenix. They gave up the first three goals to the Yotes, stormed back to tie it, and then gave up a winner to Shane Doan with 30 seconds left. They’ve scored more than three goals in a game once since the middle of February, and have an injury list that would make the Islanders blush. Most likely, when they arrive here Wednesday, you will see two very tense teams on the United Center ice. -Remember when everyone was falling all over themselves to pronounce the Flames Stanley Cup champions after their acquisi-tions of Olli Jokinen and Jordan Leopold on deadline day? They’re 3-4-0 since. They’ve given up 29 goals in those games, including eight last Saturday in Toronto. Better yet, Dion Phaneuf has been demoted to the third pairing. On Wednesday night vs. Dallas, Mr. Cuthbert saw just over 14 minutes at even-strength, the least of any Flames defender. We’re sure TSN will still beat the drum for this guy to be a Norris finalist, though.
AROUND THE BEND, AROUND TOWN, AROUND THE WORLD
The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks
YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT2008-2009 Samuel Pahlsson (COL 7th round 1996) and
Logan Stephenson (PHX 2nd round 2004) from ANA for James Wisniewski (CHI 5th round 2002) and Petri Kontiola (CHI 7th round 2004)
Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001)Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998)Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001)
2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from PHI for Jim Vandermeer (FA PHI 2000)Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations.Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001)
Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995)
2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and Bryan Smolinski (BOS 1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003)Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001)
2005-2006 Niklas Hjalmarsson (4th round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006
Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round 1992)
2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round)Dave Bolland (2nd round)Troy Brouwer (7th round)
2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round)Dustin Byfuglien (8th round)
Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Jim Van-dermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990)
2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round)Adam Burish (9th round)
COACHESHead Coach-Joel QuennevilleAssistant Coach-John TorchettiAssistant Coach-Mike HavilandAssistant Coach- Marc BergevinGoaltending Coach-Stephane Waite
GM HISTORYDale Tallon (2005-Present)Bob Pulford (Too Fucking Long)Mike Smith (2001-2004)Bob Murray (1999-2000)
info in part provided by hockeyreference.com
The Making of The Edmonton Oilers
YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT2008-2009 Ales Kotalik (BUF 6th round 1998) from BUF for 2009
2nd round pickPatrick O’Sullivan (MIN 2nd round 2003) and 2009 2nd round pick from CAR for Erik Cole (CAR 3rd round 1998) and 2009 5th round pickLubomir Visnovsky (LA 4th round 2000) from LA for Matt Greene (EDM 2nd round 2002) and Jarret Stoll (EDM 2nd round 2002)
Steve MacIntyre (FLA Undrafted FA)-Off waiversJason Strudwick (NYI 3rd round 1994)
2007-2008 Sam Gagner (1st round) Dustin Penner (ANA Undrafted FA 2003)Sheldon Souray (NJ 3rd round 1994)
2006-2007 Theo Peckham (3rd round) Robert Nilsson (NYI 1st round 2003), Ryan O’Mara, and 2007 1st round pick from NYI for Ryan Smyth (EDM 1st round 1994)Denis Grebeshkov (LA 1st round 2002) from NYI for Marc-Andre Bergeron (EDM Undrafted FA 2001) and 2008 3rd round pickLadislav Smid (ANA 1st round 2004), Joffrey Lupul (ANA 1st round 2002), 2007 1st round pick,, and 2008 1st and 2nd round pick from ANA for Chris Pronger (twat)
2005-2006 Andrew Cogliano (1st round) Dwayne Roloson (CAL Undrafted FA 1994) from MIN for 2006 1st round pick and 2007 2nd round pick
2004-2005 Liam Reddox (4th round)2003-2004 Marc Pouliot (1st round)
Jean-Francois Jacques (2nd round)Zack Stortini (3rd round)Kyle Brodziak (7th round)
Tom Gilbert (COL 4th round 2002) from COL for Tommy Salo (NYI 5th round 1993) and 2005 6th round pick)
2002-2003 Jeff Deslauriers (2nd round)2001-2002 Ales Hemskey (1st round) Steve Staios (STL 2nd
round 1993)1998-1999 Shawn Horcoff (4th round) Ethan Moreau (CHI 1st round 1994), Dan Cleary (CHI
1st round 1997), Chad Kilger (ANA 1st round 1995), and Christian Laflamme (CHI 2nd round 1995) from CHI for Boris Mironov (WIN 2nd round 1995), Dean McAm-mond (CHI 1st round 1991), and Jonas Elofsson (?)
1996-1997 Fernando Pisani (8th round)
GM HISTORY2008-Present: Steve Tambellini 2000-2008: Kevin Lowe1979-2000: Glen Sather
COACHESHead Coach- Craig MacTavishAsst. Coach- Charlie HuddyAsst. Coach- Bill Moores
Asst. Coach-Kelly BuchbergerGoaltending Coach- Pete Peeters
info in part provided by hockeyreference.com
Playing at home............ 18-8-6Playing on road........... 19-14-4Scoring first.......... 25-5-4Opponent scores first........ 12-17-6Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 5-1-1Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 13-6-5Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ................. 0-1-0Playing on a Monday.............. 2-2-1 Playing on a Tuesday................ 6-3-0Playing on a Wednesday........... 8-1-3Playing on a Thursday.............. 2-3-0Playing on a Friday................ 4-4-3Playing on a Saturday............. 7-5-3Playing on a Sunday................ 8-4-0Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 36-20-9Are out-muscled by opponent.... 10-17-4Outshoot opponent....... 26-13-5Are outshot by opponent.... 11-9-5Havlat shies from contact......... 16-6-6Patrick Kane scores............... 11-7-3Jonathan Toews scores.......... 12-3-6Martin Havlat scores............. 13-4-1Patrick Sharp scores............ 15-3-2Dustin Byfuglien scores......... 7-2-1Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 30-18-8Andrew Ladd scores............. 10-0-1Dave Bolland scores......... 11-1-3Adam Burish scores....... 3-2-0, and totally ruins that joke51 Phantom scores....... 3-2-1Duncan Keith scores........ 5-3-0Brent Seabrook scores...... 4-1-1VerStud scores.... 11-7-1Troy Brouwer scores.... 8-0-0Scoring a Power Play goal....... 27-10-9Not scoring a Power Play goal... 10-11-1Allowing a Power Play goal...... 15-16-9Not Allowing a Power Play goal....... 22-6-1Scoring a short-handed goal........... 6-2-0
Allowing a short-handed goal......... 2-4-1Taking 30 or more shots......... 28-16-7Taking less than 30 shots..... 9-6-3Allowing 30 shots or more...... 17-8-5Allowing 30 shots or less......... 20-14-5100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 18-7-61st of a back-to-back...... 4-5-32nd of a back-to-back..... 7-5-1Opponent played night before.... 8-5-1Taking more than 5 penalties..... 16-15-5Taking 5 or less penalties.... 21-7-5Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 8-5-5Burish takes a penalty....... 7-5-2Keith takes a penalty......... 11-3-2Sharp takes a penalty....... 10-2-2Toews takes a penalty..... 9-5-2Havlat takes a penalty.... 6-3-1Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-551 Phantom blows a coverage...... 26-18-9Toews is trying too hard...... 3-7-2At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 3-3-4No fights in 300 Level..... 15-5-2Playing Eastern Conference..... 8-6-3Playing Western Conference..... 29-17-7Playing Central Division...... 4-7-6Playing Northwest Division.... 12-6-0Playing Pacific Division 13-4-1Playing Atlantic Division 1-3-2Playing NASCAR Division 4-1-0Playing Northeast Division 3-1-1Playing in October.... 4-3-3Playing in November.... 6-3-3Playing in December...... 10-1-1Playing in January..... 7-6-1Playing in February..... 7-4-1Playing in March...... 3-5-1Playing in April...... 0-0-0UC plays really stupid goal song..... 18-5-6Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 3-11-4
Getting obliterated on face-offs....... 13-10-4Are even close on face-offs..... 24-12-6Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 32-18-10Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4........ 32-17-10Pat Foley screws up a name...... 35-18-10Ice Crew wear skirts....... 7-1-3Ice Crew wear pants....... 3-1-0Ice Crew wear shorts.... 8-6-3Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her shapely ass.... 0-1-0Leading after 2 periods...... 29-2-3Losing after 2 periods...... 2-15-3Tied after 2 periods......... 6-5-4In overtime.......... 4-5In shootout....... 3-5Cam Barker plays....... 30-18-7Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 6-2-3Lacking a #2 center........ 37-22-9In 1-goal games..... 9-7-10In 2-goal games...... 12-7-0In 3-goal games....... 7-5-0In 4+ goal games...... 8-3-0Scoring 3+ goals..... 34-6-6Scoring less than 3 goals...... 3-14-4PA plays Ministry....... 0-0-0PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 18-8-6PA plays Stranglehold....... 5-2-3PA plays P.J. Harvey........ 0-0-0Fraser fights...... 7-3-1Burish fights....... 5-2-0Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0Barker fights......... 0-0-2Buff fights......... 1-1-2Sharp fights........ 1-0-0Eager fights.......... 10-3-1On Comcast...... 28-12-7On WGN....... 9-7-3On Vs........ 0-2-0On NBC.... 0-1-0Judd Sirott hates Adam Creighton 37-22-10
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