north shore children & families, november 2010

NOVEMBER 2010

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IN THIS ISSUE

North Shore

Children FamiliesThe online and print forum promoting the development of children, families and the parents who care for them.

www.northshorefamilies.com

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IN THIS ISSUEHappy Thanksgiving!What is Play?

Importance & BenefitsWork/Play Balance

Development of SexualOrientation IdentityGay, Lesbian & Bisexual

IdentitiesImagine ThisSupporting Your Child

It’s Not Just What You Eat

Community Calendar

Education Feature:Brookwood School

More Open Houses!

Family & Friends

Continued on page 18

2 North Shore Children & Families

by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher

I’m not exactly sure how or when ithappened, but I am rapidlyapproaching my 30th reunion fromSalem (MA) High School. 30 years???Hmmm…but I don’t feel almost50…which I guess is a good thing?

As a class officer who was voted“Most Devoted” and “Class Clown”by my classmates, I’ve organized orhelped facilitate most of our reunions– and had fun doing so. As a child, Iwould spend hours with my parents’SHS yearbooks – and I would dreamabout my SHS years to come and allof the fun things I would do – all ofthe new friends yet to be made. Andhere I am 30 years after graduation –planning another reunion. While Ienjoy class reunions, many don’t – andwe usually get about 25% of our class

of 400 to attend. Most others I speakwith report the same for their classreunions – regardless of when orfrom where they graduated. I wonderwhat keeps so many others away? Irealize that distance and timing andmoney factor in to the decision forsome – but many classmates are stilllocal and it’s a once in every 5 yearsopportunity. Was high school that badfor some? The truth is, we only havea handful of reunions left in ourlifetime and I see reunions as a specialopportunity – a treat – a gift – a fewhours with my old classmates. Noother event can take you back in timeto reconnect with those we startedout with. No new friends can takethe place of childhood friends andclassmates. We shared the sameroots – the same experiences – thesame people and places. I welcome

this precious opportunity – and I planto enjoy it.

This year – two classes joined forcesto try to get more attendance. Weare hoping that it will be “the more,the merrier”. We won’t pay attentionto the gripes and negative commentsfrom those who aren’t coming orwon’t come or can’t come – as weknow we can’t possibly pleaseeveryone. But we do our best – andthat will have to be enough. Somewill say it’s too soon or too muchmoney or not enough money. Otherswill dislike the location, withoutunderstanding that it’s not easy to finda local place that holds over 300people. Yet time and again, the samebrave, happy faces reappear at eachreunion – and we are grateful to bethere together for that one night. Ipersonally couldn’t care less about theplace – and I’m not there for the foodor terribly concerned if the DJ willplay good dance music or not. I amgoing for the people, theconversations, the memories, thelaughter, the reconnections, thestories, the challenges, the triumphs,the tragedies, the hopes we still havefor the future – and the chance to bewith a roomful of others who areexactly where I am in mychronological life.

I won’t be older or younger – I won’thave to worry about the lines andwrinkles that still surprise me and

Reunions – Supporting Our Individual Identities – Giving Thanks

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sort of betray how I really feel inside.I’ll be on a level playing field – and I’llbe seen. I won’t be invisible – whichtends to happen to us occasionally as we age.

I’ll see faces as they were – as theyare – and celebrate how much we’veall endured and how far we’ve allcome to be together on this onespecial night. We are all cool now!

And if you are an SHS Class of 1980or 1981 classmate who still needs30th reunion information, please seethe November 27th calendar listing inthis issue. If you plan to be “home”for the Thanksgiving holiday weekend– a time when many return to Salem– we hope you’ll join us!

In this issue, we talk about asometimes difficult subject: sexualorientation identity. When I was ateenager in the late 1970s and early1980s – we didn’t think we knew anyGLBT people. We may have sensed adifference in some people – but wedidn’t discuss it or give it muchthought. In high school, people aremade fun of for being different. Sowhile many of my gay friends didn’thave many opportunities (or rolemodels or support) to explore theiridentities when we were growing upback then – my generation paved thatbumpy road on the path toacceptance and understanding of allpeople, though we are still a work in

There have recently been severalprominent cases involving suicide of gayteens that have been linked to anti-gayharassment of one kind or another. Themost recent case involved a freshmenstudent from Rutgers University.Eighteen year old Tyler Clementi killedhimself by jumping off the GeorgeWashington Bridge after his roommatesecretly recorded him “making out withanother dude”. The roommatebroadcast the video online.

At least four younger teens havecommitted suicide since July after havingbeen targets of anti-gay bullying. Fifteenyear old Justin Aaberg, of Andover,Minnesota, hanged himself in his room inJuly. Five other students from the sameschool district killed themselves in thepast year. Anti-gay bullying may haveplayed a role in at least two of thesecases.

The rates of suicide, attempted suicide,depression, anxiety and other forms ofemotional distress are higher among gay,lesbian and bisexual youths. Despitegrowing acceptance of homosexualityand bisexuality, gay, lesbian and bisexualyouths face developmental challengesthat are unlike those of theirheterosexual cohorts. It is easy to thinkthat the difference between heterosexualand homosexual youths can be reducedto mere differences in their choice ofromantic partners. It is tempting tothink that with the exception of theirromantic interests, growing up gay issimilar to growing up heterosexual. Butthis is far from the truth.

Here is note written by 19 year oldBruce Ciniello, shortly before he jumpedto his death from the Grand Canyon in1992:

Letter from the Editor

Dear Family and Friends,

I’m sorry it had to end this waybut it was my fate. I couldn’thandle life anymore. You see, thereason I ran away before tocommit suicide is the same reasonI did again. I’m gay. I neverwanted to be and I always wishedit would change, but it didn’t. Iwanted to live a normal life butGod created me this way for somereason and there was nothing Icould do to change it. I was bornthis way. Believe me, I would notchoose this way of life for I knowhow hard and unaccepted it is.

I’m painfully sorry you all had todeal with this, but I couldn’t dealwith it. This way, I could live apeaceful afterlife instead of a lifeof fear, agony and manicdepressiveness.

North Shore Children & Families 3

Please realize, I did not want tohurt anyone. I just wanted to endmy own pain. I love you all dearlyand will someday see you allagain, hopefully with yourunderstanding hearts and souls. Ijust hope God will bring me toheaven.

Love always and eternally, Bruce

In this issue, we explore what it meansto grow up gay. What are the specialchallenges that make growing up gay,lesbian or bisexual more difficult? Howdo youths develop an awareness of theirsexual orientation identity? What canparents do to help such children facetheir developmental challenges?

We also invite you to learn more aboutthe importance of play for both childrenand adults. We’ll explore what play isand why it’s so important for people ofall ages.

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The Challenges of Growing Up Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual

North Shore Children & Families

A publication of North Shore Ink, LLC© 2010. All rights reserved.

Reproduction in full or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

Suzanne M. ProvencherPublisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner

[email protected]

Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner

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Please see our Calendar in this issue for our upcoming deadlines.

Published and distributed monthly throughout the North Shore, 10x per year, and always online.

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Play

Four months old Jenny repeatedly slaps at a mobile hanging over her head.

Twenty-four months old Manny picks up a banana and “answers” it like a phone.

Four years old Rita and Bill play “Husband and Wife” together.

Six years old Ben pushes his mashed potatoes back and forth, creating “snowbanks”.

Twelve years old Leah and Jessica use a video-recorder to film themselves in a “rock video”.

Thirty-two years old Edward goes to the playground and meets some friends for a pickup game of basketball.

When no one is looking, forty-four years old Penny pretends to accept the“Businessperson of the Year” award in front of the bathroom mirror.

Everyone plays. From 4 months old Jenny to 44years old Penny, we all enjoy our share of play.

Over the past several decades, we have witnesseda dramatic decline in play in our schools. In theirattempt to increase the rigor of academiceducation, recess has become increasingly rare and

even nonexistent. Teachers are sending homemore homework, which, arguably, leads to lessopportunity for children to play. Still further,much of what contemporary children do

when they play involves the use of electronicdevices – videos, TV, computers, videogames andthe like. Such play is very different from the

types of play in which children engaged even25 years ago. What has become of play?

Should we care?

Play – it seems so simple.Although we may know itwhen we see it, psychologistshave long had a difficult time

understanding what it means toplay. What is play? Most

discussions about play concernyoung children – children under, say, the age of 7 or 8. But we all play. Why dowe play? Is it important for development? Why is it important?

Although we may “know it when we see it”, it’s not so easy to define theconcept of play. Here is one way: Play involves self-initiated activities performedfor their own sake rather than as an attempt to meet externally-defined demands.From this view, play is something in which children (and adults) choose toengage on their own; the course of play is largely under their own (individualor group) control. We play for the sake of it – for the sheer pleasure or fun ofengaging in the activity.

What is This Thing Called Play?

North Shore Children & Families 5If we engage in playful activity for the sheer pleasure of performing thatactivity, what could we possibly learn? If play is something that is self-initiated,won’t we only learn what we want to learn? Won’t we avoid the types ofdifficult and effortful things we have to do when we engage in, say, academic learning?

Well, yes and no. Children (and adults) learn through play. Children (andadults) learn by effortful teaching and learning. (We could call this work.) Thekey to understanding the power of play is to see that we learn different types ofthings in these different types of activities (which we could call play and work).Work and play are complementary; we may, in fact, need one in order to profitfrom the other. (We’ll discuss this further in Work & Play: The Need for Balance,this issue.)

Why Do Children Play? Well, Why Do Adults Play?

What does play do for us? To answer this question, a good place to start iswith ourselves. Do you play? What do you do when you play? What does itdo for you?

Let’s say that your version of play isplaying a game of basketball or goingwindow shopping. Both of thesecould be considered play. They areself-initiated (no one is forcing you todo it). They are done for their ownsake (you enjoy the act of getting theball in the basket or imagining whatyour living room would look likewith a new ensemble). Both areregulated by you (you can easilychange the rules of basketball to suityour choice; window shopping issomething that you do through yourimagination). Further, because theseacts are not performed to meetsome external demand, they are notonly under your control, they arealso relaxing.

Now, what does play do for you?Well, we’ve already mentionedseveral things. Play is relaxing; itbrings about pleasure. Relaxation isimportant for physical and psychological health. But are we learning anything?Are we developing? Well, yes! You go onto the basketball court with arepertoire of basketball skills. When you are playing, you are practicing thoseskills and refining them. You are also putting your social skills into practice. Youhave to refrain from getting angry when Big Bob aggressively steals the ballfrom you. You are learning, at least practicing, your social skills. Further, if youwin the basketball game, you may walk off the court with a bit of a swagger.You imagine yourself the Michael Jordan of the neighborhood. You stand tenfeet tall in a little fantasy of your own making. Yes, the pretend game allowsyou to play out a fantasy about status or glory. Pretty important stuff, huh?

Window shopping involves much the same type of thing. You, as an adult, areusing your imagination to create a world of fantasy. What would my houselook like if it had that piece of furniture? What would I look like if I had thatpiece of clothing? While we window shop together, we relate to each other,build each other up (maybe tear each other down). Do you like that? (No, Ihate it, but I’ll say I like it because you do.) We put our skills into practice.We enjoy; we relax; we develop.


Play bridges the gap between real events in the changing world and imaginationwithin one’s head (Preissler, 2006, in Play=Learning. NY: Oxford, p. 233).

If you’ve read the previous article in this issue, you know that play is notsomething that is reserved just for children. If you have a sense of what playdoes for you in your own life, you are likely to be able to understand theimportance of play in children’s development. Let’s get more specific. What does play do?

Physical Development

Mom: Zack, the car is in the shop. We’re going to walk to school today.

Zack: Aw, mom. I don’t want to walk.

Physical play – at least its traditional, outdoors, running, hopping and jumpingvariety – has obvious importance to a child’s physical development. When achild climbs a jungle gym, she is not simply having fun, but she is increasingmotor coordination, eye-hand coordination, balance, muscle strength, and soforth. The need for physical activity has become more urgent in recent years.Between 1997 and 2003, the amount of time that children have spent inoutdoor activities has declined by fifty percent. Children are spending morehours on videogames, TV, computer and related activities. The increasinglysedentary lifestyle of children has been one of the many contributors tochildhood obesity. As is true of adults and all people, physical activity does notsimply strengthen the muscles, it activates the central nervous system, and thussupports our capacity for thinking and learning in all contexts. Anyone familiarwith the benefits of exercise has experienced the increase in energy and senseof well being that occur after effortful activity.

Emotional Development

Five years old Mia picks up the mommy and daddy dolls. The mom doll says tothe dad doll: “You drink too much!” The dad doll says: “Leave me alone!” Mia holds the “Mia” doll and puts her hands over the Mia doll’s ears.

Children develop emotionally through play. Play, particularly pretend-play, is anarena for children to express, experience, enact and regulate their emotions.This is one reason why psychotherapists use play when interacting withchildren. When a child engages in self-initiated, unstructured, pretend play, he isthe master of his own actions. He can become anything that he can imagine.Like Max in Where the Wild Things Are, he can re-gain a sense of power that waslost after having been sent to bed without food. A child can enact and expressemotions that he would not be able to do otherwise. A little girl can assumethe role of mother who admonishes a child.

Play exerts a direct effect on the emotional life of a child. Play helps childrencope with change and other stressful events. In one study, children werepresented with a stressful video. Some of the children were provided with aperiod of free play before witnessing the video; others experienced free playafter the video was shown. A third group was not given time to play eitherbefore or after the video. The children who had a chance to play either beforeor after the video exhibited lower levels of stress and anxiety than thechildren who were not given the chance to play. Play can provide a bufferagainst the effects of stressful events.

Play

The Importance & Benefits of Play

Continued on page 8

North Shore Children & Families 7Role Playing & Pretend Play

Physical education class:

Ms. Hampshire: “Alright, class. Everyone get in a line. Lift your arms up! Now, touch your toes! Good. Now let your arms hang down like a rag doll!

Tobey: Ms. Hampshire, what’s a rag doll?

Imagine what happens whentwo sisters explore what itmeans to be a sister by“playing sisters” with eachother. Of course, the girls arealready sisters. But whensisters play sisters, the meaningof being a “sister” comesunder scrutiny. The sistersmay “exaggerate” certain waysof being sisters. They maycooperate while drinking teatogether; they might fight overwho to invite to tea; they mayexplore ways of makingamends to each other after aconflict. Through theseexaggerated activities, the girls are going beyond simply being sisters, they arereflecting upon and exploring what it means to be sisters. This is a source ofboth social and cognitive development.

Here is an example of two 3 ½ years old children exploring role expectationsas they play “Husband and Wife”:

Rita: Let’s clean the place. Bill: Be careful. I’m gonna move our table. Rita: Good, Bill. You’re a hand man. Handy man.Bill: Next!Rita: Bill? Bill?Bill: What? Rita: You’re a strong man.Bill: I know it. I just moved this…

Rita: I’m not a kitty anymore.Bill: You’re a husband?Rita: Yeah. Good.Bill: We need two husbands.Rita: Hey, two husbands. Bill: I can’t catch two husbands cause I have a grandma.Rita: Well, I – then I’m the husband.Bill: Yeah, husbands! Husbands!R&B: Husbands! Husbands! Rita: Hold it, Bill, I can’t have two husbands. Not two, not two.Bill: Two husbands. Two husbands.Rita: I can’t marry ‘em, two husbands.

I can’t marry two husbands because I love them.Bill: Yeah, we do. We gonna marry ourselves, right?Rita: Right.

Importance & Benefits of PlayContinued from page 7


In this example, Rita and Bill are exploring what it means to be wife andhusband. Rita and Bill did not make up the roles of “husband” and “wife”; theylearned this by participating in interactions with mothers and fathers, byobserving husbands and wives, etc. But here they “play” with what it means tobe a husband and wife. Stereotypically, the wife is concerned about cleanliness,while the husband uses his strength to move things.

As the children continue to assume the roles of husband and wife, they beginto “play” with the idea of having two husbands. If they were not playing – say,they were learning about marriage in school – the idea of having two husbandswould not be treated “seriously”. But here, in play, the children can explorewhat it would mean to have two husbands. It is not long, however, until theybutt up against the boundary of the concept of a husband. By “playing” withthe idea of having two husbands, they begin to realize, by themselves, why thiscan’t really happen. In so doing, through their play – through the capacity toexplore and extend everyday roles and ideas beyond what would bepermissible in everyday interaction – they clarify and consolidate the meaningof the concepts of “husband” and “wife”.

Cooperation, Compromise & Competition

I want to be the captain!

No, I want to be the captain!

In free play with other children, there is much that has to be organized. Ifchildren are going to engage in dramatic play, they will have to make up theroles and the rules. They will have to negotiate what to do, learn how tocompromise, and learn to appreciate what others have to say. Alternatively, theyalso learn to dispute and experience conflicts and their consequences. Theywill decide who is “cool” and who is not. The “cool” kids will adopt certainroles while the “uncool” kids work to adapt. There is much social decisionmaking going on. Social play is thus an arena in which children put into practiceand further develop their capacity to interact with age-mates according to thelocal peer culture. It’s not so different from peer interactions involving adultsoutside of work. When adults are free to organize their own interactions, theyhave to engage in the natural give and take of interaction. It’s throughinteraction that interaction skills develop. It’s the place where the action is.

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.

All play and no work make Jack a mere toy.

In the past decades, free, unstructured play has become increasingly absent inchildren’s lives. In an attempt to foster academic skills in children, preschools,kindergartens and elementary schools have drastically reduced the amount oftime devoted to recess. When children are home, they participate atincreasingly younger ages in structured activities (e.g., sports) organized byadults (e.g., little league, etc.). Beyond these structured activities, childrenspend a great deal of time in front of electronic devices. While it may seem asthough children are directing their own play when they use videogames, theiractivities are no less structured by electronic devices than they are by schoolor organized sports. The device itself sets the rules of the game – not thechild. Thus, when children are deprived of free, unstructured play, they aredeprived of the benefits described throughout this issue.

Work & Play: The Importance of Balance


Play is an important part of a child’s development. However, while it is truethat children learn through play, we are sometimes led to believe that play isthe primary vehicle of a young child’s learning. However, while play isimportant, this is simply not true. To understand why, we need not go anyfurther than the play interaction described in The Importance & Benefits of Play(in this issue). When Rita and Bill were playing “Husband and Wife”, the basicknowledge about the roles of “husband and wife” came not from play withother children, but instead with interactions and observations with parents and

adults (including, but not limited to, play interactions with adults).

What is the relation between play and work? We can think of play as self-initiated, unstructured activity performed for its own sake. We can think ofwork in terms of structured, effortful activities performed in order to meetsome sort of external demand. All of us – children included – need both typesof activities in our lives. Children cannot acquire the normative meanings of“husband”, “wife”, “thank you”, “female”, “kindness“ or “gravity” simply byplaying with each other. Children do not learn the skills and values of“inhibiting gratification”, “hard work”, “adding 2+2” or “sharing toys” simply byplaying with each other. These skills and concepts – and others like them –require some sort of structured interaction between children and adults.

The figure to the left shows one way in which work and play operate in achild’s development. Work and play often have a complementary relationshipto each other. What we learn through more effortful teaching and learning(work) is the stuff that we explore and consolidate in play. When we play, weexplore novel possibilities (e.g., as Rita and Bill did when they explored havingtwo husbands). We can then bring these novel possibilities back into the arenaof work (teaching and learning). When we do so, we enhance what we willlearn next through effortful teaching and learning.

The key, of course, is balance. Of course, there is no formula for identifying aproper balance between work and play, either for our children or forourselves. It is much more an “art” than a “science”. Simply knowing that workand play are two poles of the same developmental process can make usmindful of the need to make time for both. It’s not work or play, it’s work andplay. And perhaps even working hard and playing hard. But don’t forget torest, too.


How do young people come to form gay, lesbian and bisexual identities? Theprocess is not a straightforward one. For some youths – particularly thosewho have supportive parents and live in supportive communities – the processis a relatively smooth one. The operative word here is “relatively” – there arebumps and scrapes along the way even for youths who grow up in acceptingcommunities and households.

For many other youths, the task of developing their gay, lesbian or bisexualidentity is a rocky one indeed. Depression, anxiety, substance abuse, suicidalthoughts and both unsuccessful and successful suicide attempts are much morefrequent among gay, lesbian and bisexual youths than among heterosexualyouths. To understand why this is the case, it is often helpful to imagine whatit is like to grow up gay (see Growing Up Straight in a Homosexual World, in this issue).

The term heterosexism refers to the belief that all people are heterosexual. Continued on page 12

The Development of Gay,Lesbian & Bisexual Identities

Figure 1

Development of Sexual Orientation Identity


What starts here? In a word, everything.

At Brookwood, we know that whatmatters most are children who arehappily engaged in their learning andstudents who are intellectuallychallenged, supported and encouragedby teachers and peers alike.

We know that it is within a warm, child-centered school like Brookwood thatchildren become confident, successful,life-long learners.

Dedicated to Academic Innovation

Our children will inherit a complexworld and preparing them requires aprogram of both balance and breadth. Ina time when many schools are cuttingprogramming and trimming staff,Brookwood has continued its traditionof academic innovation.

Brookwood’s curriculum employs themost current methodologies, focusingon inquiry, experience and collaborationrather than simply rote memorization –and it introduces age-appropriatechallenges with each subsequent gradelevel.

Whether it’s expanding coursework inthe “outdoor classroom” in science,building upon social curriculum in

Lower School, World Languagebeginning in Kindergarten, or institutinga leadership initiative for eighth graders,Brookwood teachers and administratorscontinuously analyze, improve andstrengthen the program offered to ourstudents.

Guiding Brookwood students is a top-notch staff of teachers who havegraduated from many of the country’sfinest colleges and universities; four outof five of them hold advanced degrees.Brookwood’s teachers love teachingkids and are keenly aware that superiorlearning springs from their ability tobuild and sustain meaningfulrelationships with their students.

For full curricular descriptions bydepartment visit www.brookwood.edu.Click the “Academics” tab and go to“Curriculum at Brookwood.”

A Commitment to Community and Cause

Brookwood believes that who a childwill become is just as important as whata student will master. Teachers work tohelp students “find their best selves,”whether it’s learning to listenrespectfully to everyone’s best efforts inclass or helping a friend who’s had a fallon the playground. Children in all

Education Feature

Brookwood School – It starts here.They will succeed. They will excel. They will soar. divisions are encouraged to treat their

peers with kindness and respect.

These values are taught explicitly inPGD (Personal Growth andDevelopment) classes. First developed in1983, PGD is designed, “to nurture thepersonal growth of each child atBrookwood, to encourage thedevelopment of decision-making skillsand sound ethical sense, to consider avariety of social and moral issues, tohelp each student gain understanding of self and others, and to promote self-respect, self-confidence, and self-esteem.”

Fostering Artistic Expression

Kids are full of creativity, and atBrookwood that is something tocelebrate and empower. Brookwoodstudents have many opportunities toexpress themselves artistically as well asmusically, with all grade levels having artand music instruction several times eachweek.

Nourishing the Developing Athlete

Brookwood believes all children have aninner athlete. Through a carefullysequenced program focusing on skilldevelopment, individual and team play,and of course, sportsmanship, weencourage healthy competition and thepure joy of physical activity.

Our comprehensive physical educationprogram begins in Pre-K and culminatesin Grade Six. Following that, students inGrades Seven and Eight choose fromeight interscholastic teams (with twolevels, varsity and junior varsity).Intramurals are offered for studentsseeking non-competitive options.

Moving to Secondary School

Brookwood students matriculate to thefinest public, parochial, and independentday and boarding schools in the country.Over eighty percent of the Class of2010, for instance, scored above the 90percentile in the SSAT (national norm),while the majority of the Class of 2009was accepted to their first or secondchoice secondary schools.

The information contained in thiseducation feature was submitted byBrookwood School, and published in partnership with North Shore Children & Families;www.northshorefamilies.com.

LOCATION & FACILITIES. On30 wooded acres on Boston’s NorthShore, the Brookwood campus isminutes from Route 128 on theBeverly/Manchester line. The campusfeatures a 15,000 volume library andlearning center; a state-of-the-artscience department with fourlaboratory classrooms and a 1,000-square-foot “science gym” forexperiment and study; a WritingCenter; two acoustically-designedmusic classrooms, a professionalrecording studio and several practicerooms; three art classrooms; claystudio with kiln; two computer labs; afour-classroom world language centerwith a 16-station computer lab; twoathletic fields; two gymnasiums; and adining room.

TECHNOLOGY. More than 285computers are found throughoutBrookwood. In addition to both Macand PC computer labs, there arelaptops with wireless capabilities,digital cameras, and scanners. Twenty-five classrooms feature interactiveSmartBoards.

ADMISSIONS. The best way to getto know Brookwood is to visit ourschool. Open Houses during 2010-2011 will be held on: Thursday,November 4, from 8:45 - 10:45 a.m.;Tuesday, November 30, from 6:30 -8:30 p.m.; Sunday, January 30, from 1 -3 p.m. Walk-ins are welcome. If youknow you will attend, you can alsoRSVP to 978-526-4500.

To learn more about Brookwood,please call 978-526-4500 or visitwww.brookwood.edu.One Brookwood Road, Manchester, MA 01944


For heterosexual individuals who think that they have never encounteredhomosexual or bisexual individuals, this is a natural assumption. It is akin toethnocentrism (the belief that one’s own culture or nation is the only culture,or the only “right” culture) or egocentrism (the failure to see that other peoplehave different views than ourselves). We develop out of heterosexism,ethnocentrism and egocentrism by encountering people, views and culturesthat are different from us.

But something similar goes on with gay, lesbian and bisexual youths. Eventhough society is becoming more accepting of gay, lesbian and bisexualindividuals, a young person who begins to experience same-sex attractionsencounters an immediate problem: What am I feeling? Everywhere I look, Isee heterosexuals. Why is it that no one else seems to feel as I do?

This is a tall task. For youths growing up gay, the entire world seems to bebuilt for someone else. It is not long that youths come to understand thatbeing gay, lesbian or bisexual has carried and still carries a stigma in manycommunities. Given all this complexity, how do youths come to develop ahealthy sense of being gay, lesbian or bisexual?

In one of the best studies on this issue, Frank Floyd and Terri Stein studied 72 gay, lesbian and bisexual youths between the ages of 16 and 27. Theyinterviewed their participants to find out when they achieved variousimportant milestones in constructing a gay, lesbian or bisexual identity. Theywere most interested in the age and circumstances with which youths (a) firstbecame aware of same-sex attractions; (b) engaged in their first same-sexsexual experience; (c) disclosed to another person that they were gay, lesbian

Development of Sexual OrientationContinued from page 10

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Figure 2

North Shore Children & Families 13or bisexual; or (d) disclosed their sexual identity to their parents.

The results of their study show that different youths take different paths in thedevelopment of their sexual orientation identity. Floyd and Stein identified fivedifferent pathways. These are shown in the figures that accompany this article.

There are two broad groups of pathways of development. As shown in Figure1, the first three pathways are all associated with early awareness of same-sexattractions. Of these, the first group of youths followed Pathway 1 (EarlyDevelopment of All Milestones). For this pathway, early awareness ofsame-sex attractions was followed by relatively early same-sex sexual contact,which was then followed by disclosure to others, and finally disclosure to parents.

The other two pathways were characterized by later development of one ormore milestones. Pathway 2 (Late Disclosure) involved earlydevelopment of same-sex sexual contact, but a delay in “coming out” to friends and parents. In contrast, youths in Pathway 3 (Late Same-SexExperience) reported earlier ages of “coming out” to friends and parents,but reported later same-sex sexual contact. Youths who reported late onsetof sexual contact were more likely to be living at home during adolescenceand early adulthood.

As shown in Figure 2, the second group of pathways involved later awareness ofsame-sex attractions. Pathways 4 and 5 were similar in their development. Bothshowed a late awareness of same-sex attractions followed by the relatively lateonset of “coming out” to friends and family, and the later (and sometimesabsent) onset of same-sex sexual contact. However, these two groupsdiffered in the quality of their personal adjustment. Youths in Pathway 4(High Adjustment) reported higher levels of comfort with their sexualidentities than those in Pathway 5 (Lower Adjustment). Instructively,

youths in the High Adjustment group reported being more richly immersed ina gay/lesbian social network than those in the Low Adjustment group. Pathway5 had a larger number of bisexual youths than Pathway 4. There is research tosuggest that bisexual youths – perhaps because of their difficulty in fitting intoany clearly established group – encounter different types of struggles than gayor lesbian youths.

Each of these pathways suggests a different type of solution to a different typeof challenge faced by gay, lesbian and bisexual youths in their development. Forexample, there was some evidence in Floyd and Stein’s study suggesting thatPathway 1 (Early Development of All Milestones) was associated with higherlevels of emotional distress in development, but this finding was restricted to agroup of lesbian youths in the sample. Youths who took Pathway 2 had earlysexual contact, but did not disclose their sexual orientations until relativelylate. Youths in Pathway 3 were early disclosers, but, while living with theirparents, delayed same-sex sexual behavior until later in adulthood. Thesefindings are consistent with the idea that many homosexual youths experiencesocial hardship in constructing their social identities over time.

Become our friend onwww.facebook.com/NorthShoreChildrenAndFamilies

From Corsaro, W. A. (1985). Friendship and peer culture in the early years. Ablex.



Imagine a different world, an upside down world. In this world, 90-95% of thepeople in the world are gay or lesbian; the remaining ten percent areheterosexual. For this story, let’s assume that gay and lesbian couples eitheradopt their children, are artificially inseminated or have had children while in aprevious heterosexual relationship.

Imagine that you are a heterosexual individual who was raised by two gay menor by two lesbian women. Imagine that everything around you was designedfor homosexual individuals. All of the movies that you see depict gay orlesbian couples. All of the advertisements that you see are pitched to gays orlesbians. All of the love songs on the radio are about gay or lesbian longings.Imagine that everyone is basically expected to be homosexual. Heterosexualpeople are the butt of jokes. They are seen as different, odd, abnormal or even hateful.

Growing up, imagine that your older brother brings home his boyfriend as adate. You see your older sister holding hands with her same-sex date. Youassume that this is natural – this is simply what goes on. But as you grow up,even prior to your teen years, you find yourself strangely attracted tomembers of the opposite sex. You somehow like members of the oppositesex, but you don’t understand why or what it means.

You enter adolescence. If you are a boy, everyone expects you to be attracted

to boys; if you are a girl, everyone expects you to like girls. Your school isputting on a dance. Everyone is excited and spends their time trying to find adate to the dance. You don’t really understand what all the fuss is about. Youknow that you are supposed to go and ask a same-sex person to the dance,but the idea doesn’t appeal to you. You actually wish, in some odd, unexplainedway, that you could take an opposite sex person to the dance. But this is anentirely crazy idea! You think you are the only one who could feel this way.You feel isolated and bad.

Someone asks you to the dance. You go to the dance, all the boys are dancingwith boys; the girls are dancing with girls. Your date asks you to dance. Thefast dances aren’t so bad – but then there is a slow dance. Your same-sex dateputs his or her arms around you and snuggles up closely toward you. Youknow you are supposed to feel something, but all you feel is that you want torun. Your date puts his or her head on your shoulder. You feel that somethingis not quite right – maybe even a bit of disgust.

There’s no one there to talk to. On the way home, your father asks you howthe date went. “Son, did you kiss the boy goodnight? You don’t want peopleto think you’re heterosexual – one of those breeders, do you? Why don’t youask out Tom or Vinny?”

You think you are all alone. One day, at the coffee shop, you are surfing the

Imagine Growing Up Straight in A Homosexual World

North Shore Children & Families 15internet. You click on an image of an attractive person of the opposite sex.You view the image, and next to the image you see an ad: “The HeterosexualConnection”. You click on the ad and it brings you to a website called, “It’s Hipto be Het”. You read on. You are surprised to learn there are other people whohave felt the way that you do. And there is a name for it – it’s called being a“heterosexual”. You say to yourself, “Could I be a heterosexual”? Even thoughthe idea is scary, it brings about a slight sense of, well, relief.

The website has another link to support groups in your area. You click on thelink, and find that there is a support group at the local church on Thursdaynight. You decide to go. But when you get to the church, you see somepeople you know. You are afraid and you bail out.

You resolve the next week to go to the group. This week, you make it to thegroup. You see men and women interacting with each other. Some are justtalking; others are clearly flirting. You feel both uncomfortable but at the sametime, somehow, at home. You feel accepted, that you belong. “Maybe I am aheterosexual”.

You meet new people. You talk; you compare experiences. You hear peopletell their stories. Some talk about being made fun of because of theirheterosexuality. One boy tells a story about how other adolescent boys puthis head in a toilet when they suspected that he might be heterosexual.Another spoke of feelings of depression – feeling that they were entirely alone,misunderstood or freakish. Others spoke of thoughts of suicide. Severalpeople in the room were nodding their heads.

Some members of the group give speeches encouraging heterosexuals tocome out of the closet. There is speak of “Breeder Pride” and “It’s no threatto be a het!” Soon you find that the attractive, opposite sex person across the

room has been looking and smiling at you. You find yourself flirting, and feelentirely at home.

“Yes, I am a heterosexual. What relief!”

“Yes, I am a heterosexual. What horror! Now what do I do? If I tell myfriends, will they still like me? If I tell my parents, will they disown me? If I‘come out as a het’, will people hate me? Will they flush my head down thetoilet? Oh, my God. How is my life going to go? What if I go on a date?Where will I go? How do I find out who is heterosexual and who is not?God. I wish I were never born.”

You attend more groups. You are getting through high school. You start dating– privately – without telling anyone except one or two friends from yoursupport group. Eventually, you find a partner. You tend to go either to yourpartner’s house or to a videogame arcade where you know that someheterosexuals tend to hang out. Soon, you are old enough to go to a ‘het’ bar.You meet people there.

Your are on a date. You see some of your homosexual friends. They say, “Hey,who is your friend?” What do you do? Do you introduce the person as yourpartner? Do you introduce the person as a friend? Your homosexual friends(one male and one female) say, hey, we’re going out. Wanna double date? Aliceand Wendy can be one date; Todd and Ralph can be another. Wanna go? Oh,come on…”

What do you do? “Wow. It’s not so easy being heterosexual in a homosexual world.”This article was informed and inspired by the section entitled “Fantasy” in Brian McNight’s Gay issues in the workplace (pp. 18-24, 1993, St. Martin’s Press).


Glen saw it coming, but Laura was in astate of shock. Their 14 year olddaughter, Melinda, announced that shewas gay the summer before highschool. While Glen began to noticeand accept his daughter’s friendshipstwo years ago, Laura insisted thatMelinda was just shy around boys andthat she would grow out of it. WhenMelinda told her parents that not onlywas she gay, but that she was dating agirl, Laura needed time to accept it.She feared for her daughter andneeded to learn to begin to give upher own fantasies of seeing Melindamarry a lovely young man in a“picture perfect” wedding. Laurastruggled with how the rest of herfamily would take the news.

What can parents do to help a child

who is growing up gay, lesbian orbisexual, or who is questioning his orher sexual orientation identity?

What your child needs most of all isacceptance and support. The mostimportant thing you can do is supportyour child and reaffirm your love, careand acceptance of your child for whohe or she is.

Although this is important, this is notalways easy for all parents. As aresult, if you want to help your child,the most important place to start isprobably with yourself. What areyour beliefs, values and biases abouthomosexuality? Are you comfortablewith your child’s sexual orientationidentity? If you are, are you sure?Even the most accepting of parentsmay have misgivings about which he



or she is not even aware. Would youfeel uncomfortable telling yourfriends? Your parents? Will you becomfortable seeing your child holdhands, dance with, or even kiss a samesex person? If you were reading abook on homosexuality, would youhide the cover? Why or why not?

If you are an accepting parent, it mightbe uncomfortable to identify any“biases” that you might have. Youmight ask, “Am I homophobic?” “Do I truly accept homosexuality?”These are not helpful questions. Thisis because none of us is immune fromthe various biases that exist in theworld. The trick is not to be aperfectly “unbiased” person – instead,it is to accept the possibility of bias inyourself, to become aware of it, to

reflect upon it and explore how youwould want to change your bias.

In the example above, Laura thoughtshe was accepting of homosexuality ingeneral, but found that it was a wholenew ballgame when it came to heronly daughter. What do you do if youare a parent who is uncomfortablewith homosexuality? Will you be ableto give your child the support andacceptance that he or she needs todevelop a healthy social identity? It isoften difficult for many parents toaccept their child’s homosexuality.This does not make such parents badpeople. However, just as an“accepting” parent might profit from athorough examination of his or her“biases”, as difficult as it might seem,for the sake of your child’s healthydevelopment, an “uncomfortable”parent might profit from doing so as well.

Rejection will almost always causesome sort of damage to a child’sdevelopment. So what can you do?Read everything you can abouthomosexuality. Talk with friends,family, a counselor, a minister. Youmight even consider actively seeking

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can come to an almost complete halt.

Now, of course, we all know whatstress is. The classic definition is “anyreal or imagined threat and yourbody’s response to that threat”. What we don’t all know is thatchronic, low-level, every day stressorscan also engage our sympatheticnervous system, creating stresschemistry, impacting our oxygenintake and re-routing our blood flow.Ultimately, this can greatly inhibit ourmetabolic power.

What are chronic, low-level, everydaystressors? Well, you know them asthe frantic, last minute drop off toschool, getting stuck in traffic on yourway to the doctor’s appointment,

missing a deadline at work, not tomention, having to pick up groceries,make dinner, clean the house and

balance the checkbook. Soundfamiliar? Although you may not say toyour friends, “Excuse me, I amcurrently experiencing sympatheticnervous system dominance!”, youcertainly recognize the symptoms ofeveryday stress. This occurs in activefamilies living busy lives withconsiderable commitments and timeconstraints.

So, without making sweeping changesto our routines, what can we do toshift dominance to theparasympathetic nervous system, atleast during mealtimes? The answer iseasy. Moreover, it’s free and can bedone anywhere: eat slowly andbreathe. Eating fast causes stress.Eating fast sends signals to our bodiesthat something is wrong and we are atrisk. When we slow down andbreathe, we engage our relaxation


In Good Health

It’s Not Just What You Eat…by Andrea Cohen, M.Ed.

This month, we inaugurate a newcolumn – In Good Health – devotedto food, nutrition, exercise and healthyfamily nutrition. You won’t find any dietshere! The author of In Good Health isAndrea Cohen, a food psychology coachwho works out of Salem,Massachusetts. Andrea specializes inhelping people transform theirrelationship to food. Healthy living mustbe a life-long process. The path to thedevelopment of healthy eating habits isto change the ways in which you andyour family think about food. That’swhat In Good Health is all about.

Great nutrition is not just WHAT youeat. Great nutrition is also HOW youeat. Slow, relaxed eating isfundamental for good health andoptimal metabolism.

Being in a state of stress creates achallenge to the process of digestion.It is a less than ideal way to eat, digestand assimilate our food. When we areexperiencing a stress response – evenlow-level, chronic, everyday stress –our blood flow gets re-routed awayfrom our digestive system and travelsurgently to our limbs and brain. Thisinnate physiology is crucial when weare in real danger. It allows us tothink, to fight or to run. Commonlycalled fight or flight, this sympatheticnervous system response can save ourlives and helps to ensure our survivalas a species.

Problems arise, however, when weengage our stress response when wedo not need it; this can occur whenwe are eating and metabolizing ourfood. We metabolize food mostoptimally when we are in a relaxedstate. In fact, after the first two orthree minutes of stress response, ourdigestive system slows down.Depending on the level of stress, it


OPENHOUSE

NOV. 2010am-2pm

response. Our oxygen intakeincreases, our stress hormonesrebalance, and our blood flows backto our digestive system. (Quick tip:eating slowly also increases thermicefficiency, that is, the capacity of yourbody to burn calories!)

You may be aware of some of thesymptoms of eating under stress (too fast), such as heartburn andbloating. But, did you know thateating under stress can also decreasenutrient absorption, increase nutrientexcretion and increase insulin (anenergy regulating hormone) andcortisol (a stress hormone)? We canteach our children to eat for healthydigestion and optimal metabolism bymodeling this behavior at meal times.If breakfast in your home is eatenstanding at your kitchen island whileputting on socks and shoes, try sittingdown for just five minutes. If you are

already enjoying a sit-down familydinner, consider adding ten minutes tothe meal. Taking three to five deepbreaths before eating is a great way tostart. Eating slowly is a powerful wayto enjoy great health and wellbeing; itcan instill in us all a gratitude for thefood we eat, a deep respect for ournutritional metabolism and acommitment to outstanding health.

In summary, here are some ways toexperiment with slow, relaxed eating:

• Sit down while eating your meals.

• Take three to five deep breathsbefore eating.

• Consider adding five minutes tobreakfast and ten minutes to dinner.

Enjoy your eating experience.Pleasure releases endorphins andpromotes relaxation!

Andrea Cohen, M.Ed., is a food psychologycoach serving the greater North Shore Areaand beyond. Visit her website atwww.fullcirclefoodcoaching.com.

It’s Not Just What You EatContinued from page 17

Family & FriendsContinued from page 2

Supporting Your Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual ChildContinued from page 16

out people who disagree with you. Ifyou truly listen carefully, do you findanything convincing about what theyhave to say?

More than anything, remember: This isyour child – the person who looks toyou for love, support and direction. Itis already difficult for gay, lesbian andbisexual children to create a healthysense of self. They will need your loveand support more than ever.

Some Suggestions

• Provide acceptance and support andthen more acceptance and support.

• Be available to discuss any issuesyour child wishes to discuss in anopen and accepting fashion.

• Monitor your child’s emotional stateover time. If your child isencountering difficulty, find aqualified psychotherapist.

• Become active in your child’s school.

Find out how others in the schoolreact to your child. Is there teasingor taunting going on?

• Encourage and support your child’sassociation with gay, lesbian orbisexual organizations. Encourageattendance at a support group ifneeded. Help your child makecontact with other gay, lesbian orbisexual individuals.

• Discuss the meaning of love andsexuality with your child. As is truefor all children, make sure that yourchild has access to informationabout safer sexual practices.

• Show interest in your gay, lesbian orbisexual child’s life. The more youare able to share – withoutboundaries that you and your childfind acceptable – the more yourchild will understand that you trulyaccept him or her and are there toprovide support.

progress. Some of my gay friendssuspected they might be attracted tomembers of the same sex back in highschool – but they did not admit it,often to themselves even. They hid itand struggled with it and got tauntedfor it. And then I entered a big citycollege to study musical theatre – andthe small world as I had known itchanged in a second.

I was suddenly smack dab in themiddle of a new community thatincluded all kinds of people, somewho even flaunted their identities. Myformerly and primarily homogenousworld was suddenly filled with newcolors – new religions – newidentities – new ideas – new options.I was there when two of my bestchildhood friends discovered that theywere gay – and together we all pavedour various ways. We had no roadmaps – no teachers – no role models– no examples – no guides – and Iremember how cruel the world couldbe to my friends back then. Thesecrets, the lies, the fears, the taboo

nature of their being, the belief thatthey had to hide themselves and whothey truly were from most of theworld saddens me. They were just myfriends, first and foremost, after all.

When I see how far we’ve all come –I am proud and honored that we arediscussing this important topic in thisissue, as a guide of sorts – a way tobegin the conversation for somepeople. And if it helps just one kidwho is struggling with their ownsexual orientation identity – or helpseven one parent to be more informedand open and willing to do anythingand everything they can to supporttheir developing child – then that’s agreat start! It’s not a topic for otherpeople – it’s a topic for all of us thatmake up the human race. Every oneof us deserves to live a life of ourown truth. And while I may neverpersonally know or understandexactly what it’s like to be GLBT – Iwill continue to educate myself andsupport my friends so that we can alldevelop into our fullest potential – asindividuals, communities, societies andthe world at large. Whether my



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Community CalendarTo Submit to our Community Calendar:Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website.From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our formwill open for you to complete and submit your listings.

While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space islimited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted byour advertising partners & sponsors.

Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submittedthrough our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne toadvertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines.

To advertise, please contact Suzanne at [email protected] or 781.584.4569.

For complete listing accuracy, we recommend that you call ahead orcheck the websites listed. Featured listings do not constitute an endorsement from this publisher andwe encourage our readers to alwaysdo their own research.

NOVEMBER IS THE MONTH FOR:Aviation History, Child Safety &Protection, Good Nutrition, Drums,Adoption Awareness, Epilepsy, ModelRailroads, Novel Writing, NativeAmerican Heritage, Latin American,Peanut Butter Lovers, Real Jewelry,Sleep Comfort. Week 1: ChemistryWeek. Week 2: Children’s Book Week.Week 3: Game & Puzzle Week &Education Week.

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Mention the ad on page 10 for a FREEdance class at Boston BalletSchool/North Shore Studio at theLynch/van Otterloo YMCA in Marblehead!Beginners welcome: 617.456.6380 orwww.bostonballet.org/school.

Call today to schedule a FREEintroductory class at The Little Gym!Danvers (978.777.7977); Woburn(781.933.3388).

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Learn to Skate w/Bay State SkatingSchool at several North Shore arearinks; ages 4.5-adults. See our ad on page 2and www.baystateskatingschool.org to learnmore & register. Use hockey or figure skates;beginner, intermediate & advanced classesavailable. 781.890.8480

Get Your Monthly Membership (ages 5 &under) at Mall Tots, Liberty Tree Mall,Danvers! www.malltots.com

Adult American Sign Language (ASL)Classes; Toddler Sign Playgroup (for 2-3year olds); Baby Sign Playgroup (forinfants & 1 year olds) – all presented byThe Children’s Center for Communication,Beverly School for the Deaf, 6 Echo Ave.,Beverly. Contact Jessica Fox at 978.927.7070x317 orwww.thechildrencenterforcommunication.org.

NOW through December 30:

Visit Gallery Della-Piana for an ArtExhibit; 152-Rear Main St., Wenham. Vieworiginal art by 18 Illustrators of the best-selling MATHSTART children’s books, free onThursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, 11am-6pm.School groups welcome! 978.468.1944.www.gallerydellapiana.com

MONDAYS:

Mommy & Me w/A Jewish Twist, 10:30-11:30am; 0-3 years w/caregiver. $10/class,$72/semester. At Chabad of Peabody, 83 PineSt., Unit E. Fun w/song, art, music, playtime,snacks & schmoosing w/other moms.978.977.9111

WEDNESDAYS:

PEM Pals at PEM, Salem, 10:30-11:30am; free w/mus. adm. (admission isalways free for residents of Salem, MA!). Fun,interactive program for families w/children upto 6 years old. (PEM Pals will NOT meet on11/24, 12/22 or 29). www.pem.org/calendar

FRIDAYS:

Free Breastfeeding Mother-Baby Group.Facilitated by IBCLCs (International BoardCertified Lactation Consultants), the groupmeets every Friday morning, 9-11am, in theLynch conference room of Mass GeneralHospital for Children (formerly the NorthShore Children’s Hospital, Highland Ave.,Salem). No fee, no registration necessary. Formore info. or to speak with an IBCLC aboutbreastfeeding, please call the milk line atNSMC Birthplace: 888.217.6455.

SATURDAYS in NOVEMBER:

Toddler & Parent Playgroups atHarborlight Montessori School,

10:45am-12:30pm; free, RSVP at978.922.1008. www.harborlightmontessori.org

GET TICKETS NOW FOR:

SHS/Salem (MA) High School 30thReunion – Classes of 1980 + 1981, 7pm-midnight at Knights of Columbus, Salem. Fortickets: www.salemwitches30.com. Join us onFacebook! (May be sold out by event; ticketsavailable for classes of 1980 + 1981 onlythrough 11/1. May open to other classes if anytickets remain on 11/1.)

Willy Wonka comes to the MarbleheadLittle Theatre in November! Weekendsfrom Nov. 6-21; $20/online, $25/door; all ages.For tickets & info.: www.MLTLIVE.org or781.631.9697. With its cast of 70+, WillyWonka and the Chocolate Factory is MLT’s bigfall spectacular. Audiences can expect adazzling visual & theatrical presentation of thisperennial favorite, featuring many adults &children from Marblehead & beyond.Performances will be held at the NelsonAldrich Performing Arts Center atMarblehead Veterans’ Middle School, 217Pleasant St., Marblehead.

Fab Faux, 11/20; Jersey Boys, 12/16-1/30 atBoston’s Colonial Theatre.www.broadwayacrossamerica.com/boston



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Lynn Auditorium Shows: The Rat Pack isBack on Nov. 5; Southside Johnny & TheAsbury Jukes w/special guest, The Fools, onNov. 19; 3 Time Grammy Winner KennyRogers – A Christmas Special on Dec. 18.For tickets: 781.581.2971, online atwww.lynnauditorium.com or stop by room311 in Lynn City Hall, 3 City Hall Square,Lynn.

Snow White…The Musical on 11/7;Cinderella’s Christmas…The Musical on12/12. Kaleidoscope Children’s Theatreperforms monthly in Saugus at 466 CentralSt. 781.230.EXPO.

Salem Theatre Company presentssinger/songwriter Gregory Douglass on11/6 at 7:30pm, $15; Overboard/all male acappella troupe on 11/7 at 3pm, $15;Zehra Fazal/one-woman show, Headscarfand the Angry Bitch, folk-rock comedyexploration of faith, love, sex & what it meansto grow up Muslim in America on 11/11, 12 +13 at 7:30pm & 11/14 at 3pm, $20;Everyone’s Waiting, a new, original folk-rockmusical dealing with how a family copes withthe death of the eldest child, 11/18 + 19 at7:30pm & 11/20 at 3pm + 7:30pm. STC, 90Lafayette St., Salem, MA.www.salemtheatre.com

NOVEMBER 1:

All Saints’ Day; Dia de los Muertos (Day ofthe Dead); Authors’ Day; Family LiteracyDay

NOVEMBER 2:

All Souls’ Day; Look for Circles Day;Election Day – Remember to Vote!

NOVEMBER 4:

Open House at Brookwood School,Manchester, 8:45am. www.brookwood.edu

Teen Book Discussion Group, grades 5-12,at Malden Public Library/Program Room,3:30pm. No assigned books – bring any bookyou’ve read recently & we’ll discuss them all.Snack provided; no reg. required.

NOVEMBER 5 – 7:

Sharpen Your Focus on Photography atHunt’s 34th Annual Demo. Show & Sale!Over 20 free & 10 paid seminars for teens &adults at Hunt’s Photo & Video, 100 Main St.,Melrose. Cutting edge cameras & hands-onlearning with more than 30 educationalworkshops for amateurs & professionals. Bestprices of the season on advanced digital & stillcameras, accessories & equipment at all Hunt’slocations. See the back cover to learn more.Pre-registration is requested, sign up atwww.wbhunt.com/seminars or 781.662.8822.

NOVEMBER 6:

Book Lovers’ Day; Marooned w/out ACompass Day; Saxophone Day

Open House w/Lantern Making at TheCape Ann Waldorf School. Come seewhat makes Waldorf education famous fornurturing a child’s social, emotional, physical &intellectual capacities from birth toadolescence. For 90 years, Waldorf schoolshave offered experiential-based curriculumrich in literature, arts, culture, music,languages, movement, math &science. Children receive a classical academiceducation that creates & inspires a sense ofempowerment, engagement & enthusiasticresponsibility in the world. Meet withteachers, parents & alumni of The Cape AnnWaldorf School, tour the classrooms & seestudent work. Children’s activity includesmaking a beautiful autumn lantern to bringhome. RSVP to 978.927.1936; admission isfree. At 668 Hale St., Beverly Farms.

Open House at Sparhawk High School,10am-12pm, at 18 Maple St., Salisbury. Learnabout our engaging curriculum, meet with theteachers, directors & headmaster, & hearmore about our new transportation options.For more info., to schedule a tour:978.388.5354 or visitwww.sparhawkschool.com.

Open House at Andover School ofMontessori, Andover, 10am-noon.www.andovermontessori.org

3rd Annual School Info. Fair, 9am-12noon;free at Beverly Golf & Tennis Club. See over20 preschools through junior highindependent schools from the North Shore.www.beverlymothersclub.com/school-partners

NOVEMBER 6 + 7:

Weekend Festival: Exploring theEmperor’s Paradise, at PEM, Salem. Enjoymartial arts, brush painting, music, demos., artactivity, story time, etc. Visit www.pem.org forschedule, RSVP deadlines & sugg. ages. Freew/mus. adm. (admission is always free forresidents of Salem, MA!).

NOVEMBER 7:

Daylight Savings Time Ends – Turn ClocksBack 1 Hour! (Fall back – Spring ahead!)

Bittersweet Chocolate w/Almonds Day;Hug A Bear Day; Magazine Day

Admission Open House at The PikeSchool, Andover, 1-3pm. www.pikeschool.org

NOVEMBER 9:

Young Readers’ Day; Chaos Never DiesDay; Parade Day

Barnes & Nobles Shabbat Story Hour,11:30am-12:30pm, free, open to the public,ages 0-5 w/caregiver; at B&N, North ShoreMall, Peabody. Fun-filled story hour, Shabbatstories, songs, craft; snack & juice provided.www.jewishpeabody.com

Community CalendarContinued from page 19

Ages 5 & UnderBirthday Parties at

www.malltots.comSee our ad on pg. 2!



NOVEMBER 10:

Forget-Me-Not Day; USMC Day (estab.1775); Sesame Street (debuted in 1969)

Sparhawk PreK-8th Grade Open House,5:30-7:30pm, at the PreK-8 Lower Campus atour Amesbury Campus259 Elm St., Amesbury. Learn about ourengaging curriculum, meet with the teachers,directors & headmaster, & hear more aboutour new transportation options. For moreinfo., to schedule a tour: 978.388.5354 or visitwww.sparhawkschool.com.

Tours & Open Classroom at HarborlightMontessori School, Beverly, 9-11am.www.harborlightmontessori.org

Admissions Open House at ShoreCountry Day School, Beverly,9:15am/library. www.shoreschool.org

NOVEMBER 11:

Veterans’ Day (In honor of, in memory ofand with gratitude to all veterans.)

Admissions Open House at TowerSchool, Marblehead, 9-11am.www.towerschool.org

NOVEMBER 11 – 14:

16th Anniversary Sale at MarbleheadToy Shop, 48 Atlantic Ave., Marblehead! $ave20% on ALL merchandise; excludes balloons.Comp. gift wrapping is not available on saledays. Shop now & $ave!

NOVEMBER 12 (EARLY!):

Advertising Space Reservation DEADLINEfor ALL ADS for our WINTER issue!Our WINTER issue covers TWO months –December AND January – with bonusdistribution in January! If you need toadvertise in December and/or January –please plan ahead for our 2-month Winterissue. Space closes early due to theThanksgiving holiday week – [email protected] today!

NOVEMBER 13:

World Kindness Day; Sadie Hawkins Day;Indian Pudding Day; Moms’ & Dads’ Day

Fall Entrance Exam at AustinPreparatory School, Reading, 8:30am. Mustregister by 11/11 atwww.austinprepschool.org.

NOVEMBER 14:

Open House at Austin PreparatorySchool, Reading, 12-4pm.www.austinprepschool.org

Noah’s Bark w/Stephen Krensky atCohen Hillel Academy, 10am! Meet theauthor, celebrate Jewish Book Month’s firstevent for preschool & elementary agechildren. Activity and snack. RSVP to CarrieBerger at 781.639.2880.

NOVEMBER 15:

Clean Your Refrigerator Day; AmericaRecycles Day; Philanthropy Day; Pack YourMom Lunch Day

NOVEMBER 16:

Community Calendar Listings Deadline forWINTER issue – covers TWO months –December AND January! Please submityour listings for December AND Januaryevents directly through our website. (Seebeginning of our Calendar for details.)

Classroom Tours at Cape Ann WaldorfSchool, 8:15am, free for adults only; RSVP to978.927.1936. At 668 Hale St., Beverly Farms.www.capeannwaldorf.org

NOVEMBER 17:

Eid-Ul-Adha; Homemade Bread Day; Takea Hike Day; World Peace Day

Admissions Open House at TowerSchool, Marblehead, 6-7:30pm.www.towerschool.org

NOVEMBER 18:

The Great American Smokeout! Commit to Quit!

Open House at Glen Urquhart School,Beverly Farms, 9-11am. www.gus.org

Admissions Open House at TowerSchool, Marblehead, 9-11am.www.towerschool.org

Open Classroom at Clark School,Danvers, 9-10:30am. www.clarkschool.com

SAT Strategies 101, 7-8pm, at MaldenPublic Library/Program Room. Free workshopfor area high school students & caregivers byKaplan Test Prep. For info. & to reg.:www.kaptest.com/practicetest or800.KAP.TEST.

NOVEMBER 20:

Universal Children’s Day; Adoption Day;Beautiful Day; Absurdity Day

Holiday Fair at Cape Ann WaldorfSchool, free for all ages, 9am-4pm. At 668Hale St., Beverly Farms. Get in the holidayspirit, shop for handmade crafts, toys & more!Artisans, books, educational materials, bakery,café, madrigal singers, activities for the entirefamily, storytelling, puppet shows, candle-dipping, music, raffles, Wee-Folk Shoppe, meetour own Pocket Lady!www.capeannwaldorf.org

• OPEN HOUSES• BOOST YOUR ENROLLMENTS

• COMMUNITY ENRICHMENT PROGRAMS• SPECIAL EVENTS & FUNDRAISERS

• SEASONAL PROGRAMS• SCHOOL PRODUCTIONS

North Shore Chil dren & Families presents

The Annual Planner – for North Shore Schools!

We Help North Shore Schools!

Ask about our 10x/every issue, 1/4 page+ program –

which earns an editorial featurebonus for North Shore schools!

To secure your Annual Planner Advertising Program and save, please contactSuzanne at 781.584.4569 or [email protected].

Commit to 6 display ads in the coming year – save 15%!(Reg. frequency discount for 6x/year is 10%.)

Commit to 10 display ads in the coming year – one in every issue – save 20%!

(Reg. frequency discount for 10x/year is 15%.)

Buy a display ad in our Winter (Dec./Jan.) issue at open rate –$ave 15% off your February ad!

Or - "Try Us!" in 3 consecutive issues – and $ave 10% off all 3 display ads!

Our Winter issue covers 2 months (Dec. AND Jan.) – and has a bonus printing to cover both months, for our regular rates.

Space reservations for the Winter issue are due earlier than usual – due to the Thanksgiving holiday week!

Winter issue ad space closes on Fri., Nov. 12; ads are due/must be done by Tues., Nov. 16.

To secure your space and $ave – contact Suzanne by Nov. 12:781.584.4569 or [email protected].

To see our current issue, media kit & more, please visit us atwww.northshorefamilies.com.

"Try Us!" – You'll LOVE Us!

Winter Advertising Specials For New Display Advertisers:

Buy One - Get One 15% Off!

NOVEMBER 30:

Stay At Home Because You Are Well Day!

Open House at Brookwood School,Manchester, 6:30pm. www.brookwood.edu

DECEMBER 1:

Why Waldorf Children Love to Read, 7-8:30pm, free for adults only.www.capeannwaldorf.org; 668 Hale St.,Beverly Farms. Join grades 1-4 faculty for ajourney through early literacy learning, Q&A;RSVP to 978.927.1936.

DECEMBER 3 – 5:

31stYear of Christmas in SalemCelebration! Tour 11 beautifully decoratedhomes in Salem & enjoy the holiday spirit.Leading area decorators deck these halls infull holiday regalia. Includes a festive ChristmasTea on 12/4 at the Hawthorne Hotel; lectures& musical performances at the TabernacleCongregational Church; holiday shopping atthe Salem Garden Club boutique &downtown area. Candlelight Tour of 3 Homes


NOVEMBER 20:

Open House at North Shore MontessoriSchool, 10am-2pm, at our new location: 121Wethersfield St., Rowley.www.northshoremontessori.org

Studio Saturdays at PEM, Salem, 1-3pm;free w/mus. adm. 11/20: Decorate your ownpot & plant a seed to grown your own tea; allages. www.pem.org (admission is always free forresidents of Salem, MA!)

NOVEMBER 21:

World Hello Day; False Confession Day

Open House at Glen Urquhart School,Beverly Farms, 3-5pm. www.gus.org

Art & Nature Story Time: Follow theMoon, at PEM, Salem, 2-3pm; free w/mus.adm. but RSVP by 11/19. For ages 3-6 yearsw/caregiver. Enjoy story, then spongepaintyour own moonlit scene. www.pem.org(admission is always free for residents of Salem,MA!)

NOVEMBER 22:

Stop the Violence Day; Go For A Ride Day

Community CalendarContinued from page 21

Family & FriendsContinued from page 18

NOVEMBER 25:

Happy Thanksgiving!

NOVEMBER 25 through December 30:

ZooLights returns to Stone Zoo,Stoneham! Daily 5-9pm (closed 12/25).Holiday light show, see reindeer up close, visitSanta (photos avail. Through 12/23), fairy talecharacters & dancing plush animals. M-Th$5/per or $4/member, under age 2 free; F-Su$6/per or $5/member, under age 2 free.www.stonezoo.org

NOVEMBER 26:

You’re Welcome Day; Cake Day; RetailBlack Friday – one of the busiest shoppingdays of the year; or – Buy Nothing Day!

NOVEMBER 27:

Happy Birthday, Nancy McNicholas!

SHS/Salem (MA) High School 30thReunion – Classes of 1980 + 1981, 7pm-midnight at Knights of Columbus, Salem. Fortickets: www.salemwitches30.com. Join us onFacebook! (May be sold out by event; ticketsavailable for classes of 1980 + 1981 onlythrough 11/1. May open to other classes if anytickets remain on 11/1.)

Birthdays • Graduations • ShowersWeddings • Anniversaries • Births • Retirements • Holidays

All Special Occasions

Life Celebrationsspecializing in poignant, personalized eulogies –

available in prose and in verse. Celebrate your loved one's life and share their story.

Your guests will leave with smiles, fond memories and lots to talk about.

Wish you could give the person who has everything something they don't have?

The perfect gift to enhance any special occasion.

Clever verses for your invitations

and thank you notes.

Speeches, toasts and roasts.

781.584.4569 or [email protected]

Samples available.

Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne

friends have green hair or blue skin –whether they pray to a rock or with aBible, Koran or Torah – whether theylike pizza or not – it doesn’t matterany more to me who they choose tolove – as long as I continue to earn aspot on that list. What happensduring a person’s most intimatemoments is nobody’s business, beyondthe consenting adults that areinvolved. So we can learn about eachother’s preferences and support eachother as individuals – or we can live infear and hate – and lose out on reallyknowing each other and theopportunities to learn new things.Some new things and ideas andconcepts we will like – others wewon’t; some we’ll be able to relate to– and others will seem foreign andstrange. But if we remain open andhonest and respectful – we canappreciate each other and ourdifferences.

If you know someone who isstruggling with sexual orientationidentity, please don’t turn away or shutdown. Educate yourself – face what isbecause it doesn’t (and it shouldn’t!)just magically go away. It’s notsomething that you can grow out ofor turn on and off. It is who you are.

Even in life’s most challengingmoments, I encourage you to alwayschoose love. With love, we will alwaysfind our way – regardless of the pathseach of us chooses.

And finally, it’s the time of year to givethanks. So thank you to all of oursponsors and readers! I am sothankful that you are part of ourNorth Shore family.

Our next issue is our Winter issue,and it covers 2 months – DecemberAND January. Distribution will beginon November 29 and we will restocksome of our busiest distributionlocations in early January. If you arean advertiser who needs to promotesomething in December and/orJanuary, please contact me byNovember 12 to secure youradvertising space in our Winter issue.Our deadlines are also early thismonth, due to the Thanksgivingholiday week – so plan ahead so youwon’t miss our 2-month Winter issue!We will resume our regular monthlypublishing schedule with our Februaryissue.

Thanks so much for engaging with usagain – I hope you enjoy this issue –and Happy Thanksgiving to you andyour North Shore family!

Until next time – Suzanne

(for advance ticket holders only) on 12/3, 6-8pm, concurrent with the Dearborn St.Illumination. Other tours 12/4, 10am-4:30pmand on 12/5, 11:30am-4:30pm.Complimentary trolley service available. BuyAdvance tickets by 5pm, 12/1: $25/HistoricSalem, Inc. members or $30/general public;after 12/1 $35/gen. pub.;www.ChristmasinSalem.org or 978.745.0799.

DECEMBER 3:

Nature Program: Forays into Birdologywith naturalist & award-winning author onanimals, Sy Montgomery, at PEM,Salem/Bartlett Gallery. 7:45-9pm (book sign-ing follows), for adults & teens; free w/mus.adm. but RSVP by 12/1 at www.pem.org.(admission is always free for residents of Salem,MA!)

DECEMBER 4:

Saturday Enrichment Program, 10-11:30am, at The Phoenix School, Salem.For 3-7 and 7-10 year olds; free.www.phoenixschool.org


Service Directory

DANCE INSTRUCTION

SCHOOLS SCHOOLSART INSTRUCTION

DENTAL CARE

DEVELOPMENTAL LEARNING

TheArtRoomTopsfield

978.887.8809www.theartroomstudio.com

FUN & FITNESS

FAMILY FUNCTIONS

PRE-K ENTERTAINMENT

The Adventures of Scuba Jack

DVD & Online Activities978.491.0747

www.adventuresofscubajack.com

SPECIAL EDUCATION LAW

Wallace Law Office, P.C.Ellen Crowley Koltun, Esq

Serving the North & South Shores, withoffices in Woburn & Canton.

We specialize in all aspects of SpecialEducation Law & Family Law.

781.830.9990www.wallacelawoffice.com

Brain BalanceAchievement Centers

Danvers978.705.9570

www.brainbalancecenters.com

ART/BOOKS FOR KIDS

Gallery Della-Piana, WenhamExhibit of original art from

MATHSTART children’s books! See ad on page 17 for dates & times.

www.gallerydellapiana.com

EDUCATION CONSULTING, ETC

Education Consulting,Advocacy & Legal Services

781.231.4332Serving MA, including the North Shore

www.educationandjuvenilelaw.com

Andover Pediatric DentistryAndover & Lawrence

Locationswww.andoverpediatricdentistry.com

EARLY EDUCATION

Little SproutsSeveral North Shore Locations

877.977.7688www.littlesprouts.com

FAMILY FUN

ZooLights at Stone ZooStoneham

Daily 11/25-12/30, 5-9pmwww.stonezoo.org

ICE SKATING LESSONS

Bay State Skating SchoolVarious North Shore Rinks

See our ad on page 2.www.baystateskatingschool.org

PHOTOGRAPHY

Hunt’s Photo & Video34th Annual Show & Demos.

(Melrose only) & Sale (all locations) -Nov. 5-7.

See back cover!www.huntsphotoandvideo.com

TOYS & GIFTS FOR KIDS

Marblehead Toy Shop16th Anniversary Sale!

Nov. 11-14See our ad on page 3!

Austin Preparatory SchoolReading

781.944.4900www.austinprepschool.org

Brookwood SchoolManchester

978.526.4500www.brookwood.edu

The Cape Ann Waldorf SchoolBeverly Farms978.927.1936

www.capeannwaldorf.org

The Children’s Ctr. for Comm.Beverly School for the Deaf

Adult sign language classes & toddler/baby sign playgroups.

See our ad on page 19!

Clark SchoolDanvers

978.777.4699www.clarkschool.com

Cohen Hillel AcademyMarblehead

781.639.2880www.cohenhillel.org

Covenant Christian AcademyWest Peabody978.535.7100

www.covenantchristianacademy.org

Glen Urquhart SchoolBeverly Farms978.927.1064www.gus.org

Harborlight MontessoriBeverly

978.922.1008www.harborlightmontessori.org

Boston Ballet School/North Shore Studio

Lynch/van Otterloo YMCA, Marblehead

617.456.6380www.bostonballet.org/school

To advertise:[email protected] • 781.584.4569

North Shore Montessori School

Rowley • 978.948.2237www.northshoremontessori.org

The Phoenix SchoolSalem

978.741.0870www.phoenixschool.org

The Pike SchoolAndover

978.475.1197www.pikeschool.org

Shore Country Day SchoolBeverly

978.927.1700www.shoreschool.org

Sparhawk SchoolAmesbury & Salisbury

978.388.5354www.sparhawkschool.com

Tower SchoolMarblehead

781.631.5800www.towerschool.org

The Bayside of Nahant781.592.3080

www.baysidefunctions.com

The Little GymDanvers and Woburn

www.tlgdanversma.comwww.tlgwoburnma.com

Mall Totsat Liberty Tree Mall, Danvers

See our ad on page 2!www.malltots.com

Roller WorldSaugus

781.231.1111www.roller-world.com

Please Support Our Advertisers, Who Sponsor this Publication for You & Your Family!

north shore children & families, november 2010

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