northern exposure 3x01 - the bumpy road to love

5/27/2018 Northern Exposure 3x01 - The Bumpy Road to Love

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Director: NICK MARCK

' ) J O R T ~ R N EXPOSURE"The Bumpy Road to Love

#77501EPISODE #1

Written 'by,Hartin Sage

: 'S bt l Adelman,

REYISEP'rtNAL DRAFTJu ly 8,.,:1.991Ju ly 11" "1991 (Blue)Ju ly 16, 1991 (Pink)Ju ly 18 r 99 (Yellow)Ju ly 19 , 1-991 (Green)July 22, 1991 (Salmon)(pgs. 3 4, 6 , 9, 12 25, 32 , 34,,' 42, 48 )

-Copyr ight 1991 i I P E L I N E P B O r i ~ I O N S , ltk; ~ ," ~ : ' .. < ~ " "'.-.All Rights: Resetved . ~ . , ' . . . . , " .. "

No por t ion of t h i s script 1Ilay b e . p e ~ " l d rePtd(}ut:7d, J.i 'used by any means, or quoted or :publl.s d l.n any, medl.amwithout the pri


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE .. The Bumpy Road t Love

REGUL RSJOEL FLEISCHMANMAGGIE CONNELLMAURICE MINNIFIELDHOLLING VINCOEURSHELLY TAMBOCHRIS STEVENSEDMARILYNRUTH-ANNE

GUEST CASTRICKJO ANNE SANDIFERBARBARA SEMANSKIADAMDAVEEVEBURLY GUY


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Blue 7/11/91

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ACT ONEFAOS INEXT. CEMETERY - D YA crowd, which includes MAGGIE, JOEL, HOLLING, SHELLY, CHRISMARILYN, RUTH-ANNE, ED AND MAURICE, is gathered a t agravesi te . They stare up a t a bronze, rugged-guy sta tue ofRick, complete with aviator jacket and r ig id scarf flyingoff behind h i ~ A white cloth and cord a t i t s base suggestthe statue has jus t been unveiled.

CHRIS. . . Until today, we could only seeRick in the hazy blur of memory - - afading image in the mind's eye.( indicating statue)But, now we have something tangible ,something sol id , tha t says, Hey,guys, i t s me - - Rick.(gesturing)And we have Maggie to thank. Iguess you a l l know, she commissionedth is statue which i sso . . . so . . . almost l i fe l ike .Maggie smiles weakly.

CHRISIn some bel ie f systems - - Jewish,Islamic, ca lvin is t , a monument l iketh is would be unacceptable. I twould be considered sacr i l ig ious - a craven image, a form of idolatry.Luckily, Rick was a Unitarian, ~ o Ithink we're okay.

Chris gathers his thoughts. Maurice checks his watch.CHRISI t s strange, s t a t i s t i c a l lyspeaking, tha t Rick died pinned tothe ground by an errant piece of

space debris instead of in h is ownplane . . But I guess we pre t ty muchcovered the vagaries-of-fa te themea t the funeral, didn t we? So,u

Chris i s unsure what direct ion to take. Maggie sh i f t suneasily. An idea occurs to Chris .CONTINUED)


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1 CONTINUED:CHRISHey How about we pause now for amoment of si lence, kind of send Rickour thoughts, wherever he i s , andwho knows, maybe h e l l receive them.Okay?

Desultory murmurs of assent .CHRISRick, our thoughts to you.

Chris bows his head. Maggie notices Joel looking a t thestatue, head t i l t ed to one side . They speak sot to voce.MAGGIEOkay, Fleischman, okay.JOELOkay, Fleischman, okay, what?MAGGIEI know what you re thinkinq ..rOELNo, you don t .MAGGIEYes, I do. You think i t looks l ikea hood ornament .rOEL(struck)How'd you know?MAGGIEBecause you would think tha t and,wall , because t does. I t wassupposed to be dignified - - reqaland t came out l ike . JOEL(pained)

A hood ornament.MAGGIESpare me your pity, Fleischman. Youthink I did this- out of som -misquided sense of qui l t . Well,Rick s death was an accident . I man innocent bystander

CONTINUED)

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love Salmon 7/22/91

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1 CONTINUED: 2JOET.(out lC-,J.d; innocent)Did I say anything, O'Connell? Ididn ' t say anythingCHRISJoel?

Joel looks a t Chris.CHRISSomething you wanted to say?JOELMe? About Rick? Ub, not real ly.We had a few beers together, Iremoved a mole

people sh i f t uneasIly.CHRISWell. So. I f no one has anythingfur ther to add

hen from the rear a woman's v o i e ~JO ANNEI ' d l ike to say Something

All turn to look a t a woman making her way to center stage -- JO ANNE, a sweet, pret ty blonde in her mid- twenties.JOANNE ._My name's JoAnne. You don' t knowme, but I feel l ike I know you.Rick talked about you quite a b i t .cieely had a special place in h isheart , and I know today would'vemeant so much to him.

, 0 '

Maggie looks mildly curioUs.JO ANNEWhat can you say about' a 'person- ' ,

who's dead that-doesn' t sound t r i t e .or obvious? Rick had his faults , ' .l i :keeverybody , b u t b a s i e a l l y he wasa rea l ly good guy. I miss ourwalks,. the way he cooked sloppyjoes, those zestful morning showerstogether.(beat; to the statue)I miss you, sweetheart.Joel looks a t Maggie, who stares, horr if ied.


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Salmon 7/22/91

. 7.;:. 2 EXT. FIRING RANGE - DAY3 CLOSE UP - FIRING GUN - BLAM4 PULL BACK TO REVEALOFFICER BARBARA SEMANSKI, in civies , continues f i r ing bul ls eyes a t a dis tant ta rge t . BLAM BLAM BLAM

MAURICEWoman drives three hundred and f i f tymiles, s tops long enough to down aquart of Gatorade, then she turns ina ta rge t t ha t s even cleaner than myown.SEMANSKII t s the wris t gr ip .MAURICEYou don' t say SEMANSKIstops the recoi l . Here, I ll show- you.

Semanski comes b e h i n d ~ a u r i c e a n d rearranges his grip_SEMANSKILeft hand supports the r igh t . . -0MAURICEI can t t e l l you what t does 'to-me,Barbara, watching you handle -asidearm, the way you take themeasure of i t , the way your handembraces the grip, the way yourstrong supple finger c i rc les aroundthe t r igge r - -

They are now nose to, nose . They kiss hard. Break.MAURICE

Was . i t fate-,,' Barbara?SEMANSKI. HoW s t h a t ?MAURICEI f my radio hadn ' t been s tolen --i f I hadn ' t ins i s ted they send downlaw enforcement - - we might neverhave met.

She thinks a beat , but her mind's on other m at ters.(CONTINUED ).

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Pink 7/16/91

4 CONTINUED: SEMANSKIHow about showing me your Brownie?MAURICENow ?SEMANSKIGo for i t .

Reaching in the crotch of his pants , Maurice pul ls out aBrowning automatic. 'She looks along the s ight checks thebalance, the gr ip .CONTINUED)


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4 CONTINUED:MAURICENine mil l ies , th i r teen shot.SEMANSKIBri l l i an t .MAURICESomething else you might appreciate .

The cat t ha t swallowed the canary, he pul ls a second gunfrom his lower back and hands i t to her. Maurice watchesher examine the gun.S.EMANSKITwin Browning nine mil l ies .MAURICETake a look a t the grip - - somethingthere might in te res t you.

Semanski looks a t the grip, reads.SEMANSKIbeat)B.S. My i n i t i a l s .MAURICEI had them engraved.off her look)I t s for you.SEMANSKITony l e t me f i re his Sig/sauer P226,but th is . . . . .touched)This baby s one of the f ines tf irearms ever made, Maurice.MAURICETony?SEMANSKIsight ing the gun)Trooper on the force.MAURLCE-

I see.5EMANSKIMy god, feel the balance on th i spuppy.

She qives Maurice the closes t thing to a lCi:ng :ook she canmuster.

5

C\, )NTINUEO)


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow 7/18/91 9

6 CONTINUED: HOLLINGo ~ se t a t ru ly f ine t ab le Maurice. CONTINUED)


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6 CONTImJED:M URICE(picks up glass)Y know, the t r ad i t ion of the toas tharkens back to 17th century England

when the success or health of aventure would be christened with adrink of wine in which toas t hadbeen submerged. Over t ime, we vedispensed with the actual toastedbread, but the intent remains. Andso it i s tonight I d l ike to li t myglass to you, to bless your unionand wish you every future happiness.HOLLINGWell, thank you, Maurice.SEM NSKIHere, here . . .SHELLYYeah, yeah . .

Semanski throws back some wine, then continues to chow down.M URICEYou see, Holling, for a long t ime,well, I may have to some degreeresented your happiness.

Holling pauses in his eat ing. He and Shelly exchange aglance.M URICE

I may have fe l t tha t it was captureda t my expense.

SHELLY(uncomfortable)I d idn t to dump you,Maurice.

M URICE(holds up his hands)Believe me, tha t was t h e biggesttavor you could ve dona ma, Shelly .Shel ly frowns, puzzled. Holling re turns to his food.

M URICEOh, I m not saying I wasn t beref t SHELLYBereft?

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(CONTINUE.l )


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( 50 l ) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Pink 7 / 1 6 / 9 1

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6 CONTINUED: 3SEMANSKI(eating)Sense of loss. Destitution.MAURICEFoolish as t now seems, a t thetime, I thought my heart would nevermend. But i f I 'd known what realhappiness awaited me . . .SHELLYB..Al happiness?MAURICEYou and I had a kind of undeniablefun, Shelly.(squeezing Barbara s hand)

But you can ' t compare rol ler-bladingto crouching in a duck blind a t f iveAM with the cold steel of a shot gunrest ing against your cheek.shel ly looks a t semanski, then a t Holling.

SHELLYHow come we never go to duck blinds?HOLLING(chewing)You want to s i t in a duck blind?SHELLYHow do I know i f you never ask me?MAURICEI ' d l ike to propose another toas t ( rais ing his glass again)To the guest of honor, whose healingpresence is real ly responsible forth i s gathering

Holling nd Shelly ra ise the i r glasses. Semanski sat tent ion i s on her plate, cutt ing her meat. As she putsthe fork in her mouth, she real izes Maurice means her. Shecontinues Chewing as they toast her.

MAURICETo off icer Barbara Semanski, whonever found my radio, but capturedmy heart (CONTINUED


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Salmon 7/22/91

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6 CONTINUED: 4semanski swallows her meat.

MAURICE(to Semanski and Shelly)And I look forward to the time whenthe two of you get to know eachother and bond in that special waytha t females do.

Semanski and Shelly look a t each other blankly. Mauricebeams. Barbara throws back some wine.7 INT. JOEL'S CABIN - NIGHT

Joel is making a dehydrated Cup O'Noodles. Hehears something, l i s tens . continues s t i r r ing .something brush by the window? He looks over.NoW he def in i te ly hears something.Ed? (beat)Who's there?

JOEL

thinks heDidNothing.

No response. Another def in i te sound on thegrabs his golf club, t ip toes to the window.around, jus t as a MAN'S large , bearded faceappears. Joel jumps out of his skin.porch. JoelHe peerssuddenly

JOELAAAUGHThe man grimaces, ducks away. Joel leans back agains ' thewall, holding his heart . He goes and opens the door. D Mstands outside .

JOEL'Adam?D M:(st r iding in)

o ~ it s the Fuller Brush Man.JOELYou have to creep around on aparson s porch, you c a n t knock on adoor?

(CONTINUED)

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Pink

7 CONTINUED:ADAMHey af te r three years in the DMZ,recon i s second nature.

7 1 6 9 1

CONTINUED)


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Pink

7 CONTINUED: 2JOELDo you real ize the humiliatioll youcaused me l as t year? Nobodybelieved me. I 'm te l l ing them,yeah, I saw Adam, Cicely's ownbigfoot - - Mr. Sasquatch. Hecooked me pot st ickers and Szechwanchicken n a wok in the middle ofnowhere. I bring them to your shackand you've cleaned the place out,lock, stock and CUisinart(beat)Now what do you want? I t s aftermidnightADAMForgive me. My vis i t is untimely.But correct me i f I 'm wrong. Youdid claim to be a doctor?JOELYou sick?ADAMNo, i t s my bet ter half .JOELYour bet ter half? You're married?You never said you were married

. ADAMDid I neglect to give you mycurriculum vi tae . Yeah, I have awife.JOEL(suspicious)How come I didn t see her?ADAM

hat s th is - - the SpanishInquisition? She was in BadenBaden.JOELBaden Baden as in Germany?ADAMYou know another Baden Baden? Shewas taking the baths. I l e f t withoutsaying good-bye because I was in arush to hook up with her in TUscany JOEL. T .Scany? I taly?

7 / 1 6 / 9 1

(CONTINUED


15/6

(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE "The Bumpy Road. to Love" Yellow 7/18/91

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7 CONTINUED: 3D MActual ly , Fiesole . went to sharpenmy pas ta s k i l l s . Can we go now?

JOELYou r ea l ly t h ink I 'm going out int he middle of the night and fol low apathologica l l i a r i n to the woods tot r e a t a wife t h a t s by any reasoningp e r so n s assessment a f igment ofsa id maniac ' s imaginat ion?

Adam p icks up J o e l s medical bag and heads for t he door.D MUnless you 'd pre f e r t o be snapped intwo l i k e a twig.

JOELHey, hey, put t ha t downPul l ing on a coa t and ha t , Joe l scampers a f t e r him.

END OF CT ONEF DE OUT


16/6

(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Blue 7/11 /91

ACT TWOFADE IN:

8 EXT. FOREST - NIGHTDark, vast .

9 INT. JOEL'S TRUCK - NIGHTJoel dr ives Adam down a bumpy road.

JOELSo Adam, th i s wife of yours - - D MEve.JOEL

You're kidding . . .Adam shakes his head.

JOELYour wife s name i s Eve?D MSpare me the snake and apple jokes.Make a r ight .

Joel squints to see then turns r ight .JOELWhat's wrong with her?

D MBelieve me, she l l t e l l you.JOEL(beat)How long have you been married?

D MWhat? Silence offends you? Youfee l you have to makeconversation?Joel shrugs. Beat.

D MNine years.

Nine.JOEL(surprised)

CONTINUED)


17/6

9 coNT NUED: D MThat s r ight . Nine years. And l e tme t e l l you, every single hour ofevery s ingle day of every s ingleyear has been nothing short ofbl i s s . Not happiness, Fleischman,bl i s s . Sheer unadulteratedecstasy.JOELWow. She must be very special .

D MSpecial? She s incredible , unique.She s a rare flower - - a preciousjewel. Most men can only dreamabout a woman l ike Eve - - but I haveher round the clock - - twenty-fourhours a day. Seven days a week.JOELSounds wonderful.

Adam looks a t Joel . Joel smiles.D MYou ve never been married, haveyou?

JOELNoD MSo you don t actual ly know whatyou re t a lk ing about.

JOELWhat do you mean?D MI mean you re speaking from general

princ iples , from ignorance, withnothing to base your s tupid opinionon other than what you ve seen inb d movies or read in t rashy novels.

JOELI v e l ived with a womanD MYou ve l ived with a womanElaine? . .

JOELYes.

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9 CONTINUED: 2Adam shakes his head in disgust.

JOELWhat?

ADAMYou didn t l ive together. Youplayed house together. Just l ikegrown-ups.JOELHey, jus t because we didn t have apiece of paper to val idate - -ADAMOh, please You can t begin to to

understand a woman unt i l you'rebound to her by the law. cemented.Locked in Holy Matrimony. Am Iget t ing through to you? only thencan you experience the joy - - theunique enchantment of sharing yourl i f e with the opposite sex.Joel glances a t him.

ADAMMake a l e f t a t the t ree.JOELWhich tree? They're a l l t rees .ADAMThe big t ree . Now

10 INT. HOLLING S BAR - NIGHTMaqqie hunkers over whiskey a t the bar. DAVE, on bartenderduty, com over.

DAVEHOW we doing over here?

MAGGIEJus t fine, Dave. What of i t ?DAVENothinq.

Ed takes the stool next to Maggie.EDHi, Maggie.

( C O ~ I N U E D )

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10 CONTINUED:MAGGIEEd. Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed Ed. How areyou Ed?EDPret ty good.MAGGIETell me something Ed, you evernotice with men how they neverl i s ten to you?EO

NoMAGGIEWatch one sometime - - oh, theypretend to l i s ten . They nod andthey grunt - - but they don treal ly l i s ten .EOHuhMAGGIEKnow why?EONo why?MAGGIECause they can only focusthing. Their joy s t ick .enough and where can they

on oneIs t bigput i t .She laughs. Ed looks a t Dave.

MAGGIEThe rea l ly t ragic thing is men areso sweet, so loving, when t hey reborn. So cute, you know? But thenthey grow up in to these big, sweaty,stupid things.(beat: noticing)God you guys h a v ~ great hai r .

EDThanks

MAGGIEWhen I look a t a man t ~ know whatI faal , Ed?(beat)I feel pi ty . Loathing. C : e n U l ~ erevulsion.


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10 CONTINUED: 2Ed looks down.

What? MAGGIEEDWell, you know, Maggie . . . I'm a man.MAGGIE(beat)Oh. Well.(dismissive)Anyway, men have been running th ingsfor thousands of years, and whathave we got to show for it - - war,

pol lut ion, the S L thing. And dothey ever put the t o i l e t sea t down?No So what do we need them for?EDWellMAGGIEProcreat ion? Forget i t . I t s thetwent ie th century. Women can clonethemselves. Oh, know whatFleischman would say, "That ' sr idiculous, O'Connell , you've got to

divers i fy the gene pool." But he sjus t being a man. And okay, okay - sex i s f ine - - sex is good. Sex i sgreat . We need men for sex.(putting her hand on Ed's)But do we need so many?Ed considers .

11 INT. ADAK'S CABIN - NIGHTThere i s a Garland range, CUisinart , and a row of cookbooks.There is also a s tack of medical t exts , a sp ice rack ofprescr ip t ion drugs and an e lec t r ic thermometer. Adam iscooking. Joel is examining EVE, a f renet ic , anxious womanin lounging pajamas. Joel i s about to remove a bloodpressure utt trom her arm.

JOELI ve never t rea ted anyone who hadher own cuff .L:m::A blood pt' ssur.:- check should be ada i ly p r a c t i , , ~ , 'c.on/t you agre.?

(CONTINUED)


21/6

11 CONTINUED JOELCan t hurt . When did you f i r s tbecome aware of these multiplesymptons?

EVE89. Rochester. I was examined bya l l the so-cal led experts .D M(grousing)Then the Mayo Clinic,Sloan/Kettering, City of Hope.EVE

Is t my faul t t hey re incompetent?JOELYou don t feel t he re s been anyimprovement?EVEthey eventually s tabi l ized myi ron l evels . And the zinc se l f corrected . But doesn t my low BPindicate something?JOEL

I t s not low. I t s low-normal.EVEI was thinking Addison s Disease.JOELAddison s Disease?EVE

The t a t ique - - the muscleweakness occasional dizz iness .

JOEL(impressed)That i s probing diagnosis . Butyou haven t experienced weight lossor pigmentation changes. No I drule out Addison s Disease.EVEPernicious Anemia?JOEL

Yo -1: co lor s too good.EVETL\en w h ~ t

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road t o Love P i nk 7 / 16 / 91

11 CONTINUED: 2D MTry this - - you're net sickEVEYou don' t know what you're talkingabout. (to Joel)Will you t e l l him my symptoms are

real .JOEL(hedging)Well, yeah, I 'm sure theyreal - - even debi l i ta t ing - however, I 'm having trouble findinganything organic that would

D MGo on, say t - - she 's ahypochondriacEVE(to Joel)I have a history t documentedi l lnesses At bir th I was aff l ic tedwith Klumpke's Paralysis . I had nouse of my r ight hand or wrist t rthe f i r s t s ix months of l i f e .

D MSure. Tell him about the hatdisease.EVEI t has nothing to do with hats .(to Joel)Beret Syndrome. Trophic ulcers onmy f ingert ips that have onlyrecently cleared up.

Hare.ADAM(slamming a bowldown in front of her)JOEL(sniffing)That smells w o n e r f u l ~EVEI can t eat - - I 'm nauseated JOELWhat i s i t ?

(CONTINUED


23/6

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eONTlNUED: 3ADAMSorrel soup with roasted scal lops.

Mlnm JOEL(eating)EVESoup? What did you cook t in?

D MWhat do you think? A soup ket t le .EVEWe don ' t have a soup ket t le .

D MYes, we do.EVEI threw t away.

O MI t was perfec t ly good.EVEI t ' s aluminum. I to ld you, aluminumcol lec ts in the brain. You'ret ry ing to poison my brain

O MYour bra in 's already poisoned andaluminum has nothing to do with i tRising, Eve carr ies her soup bowl to the s ink.

D MWhat are you doing?EVEI . throwing t out.

D MMy squp ? Oh no, you don' t Youput t ha t soup downEve holds the bowl over the s ink.

D MI warning you - - put t ha t soup downr iqht . no.w

Eve pours the soup into the sink.

2

( CONTINUED)


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love" Blue 7/11 /91

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- . ; -

CONTINUED: 4D MThat ' s i t Now you've done i t

EVELook a t the puffer f ish puff up.Now I 'm rea l ly scaredD MI ' d t ea r you apar t with my barehands but it would give you too muchsa t is fac t ion(throwing on a jacket)I 'm out ta here

EVEGreat news WonderfulD MI mean it

EVEGoD MI 'm not coming back

EVEPromises, promises. I f I never seeyou again it ll be too soon.SLAMMING the door, Adam exi t s . Eve yel ls a f t e r him.

EVEGood r iddancelJoel sh i f t s uncomfortably.

JOELWell . . I guess I bet te r be headingoff , too it s get t ing kinda l a te .EVE

No, wait . JOELI ' ve got an ear ly day tomorrowand - -Pleasethyroid.

EVEyou haven ' t palpated myJOEL(packing his doctor ' s bag)I th ink we. can put,,- that_ of.f, ' t i"L my

next v i s i t . .


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow 7/18/91

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... ~ . .

11 CONTINUED: 5Eve grabs a ski l le t and smashes him on the back of his head.K.O.'ed, Joel hi t s the mat.

12 EXT CICELY STREET OUTSIDE RADIO STATION - DAYMaurice and Semanski are gett ing out of Maurice's Caddy.She's out of uniform, but wearing a lea ther fanny pack.

MAURICEThere 's nothing l ike a crisp, brightmorning in Cicely. Small townAmerica a t i t s best .Semanski pulls a police whistle and deft ly provides i t with

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a l l i t s piercing capabi l i ty . A loud car i s put in checkand comes to a screeching hal t .SEMANSKI

(an order)Muffler. Today.Nodding, the driver pulls away.

SEMANSKIEd's waiting for me. I to ld him I detch an 10 number on his VCRMAURICEAwfully nice of you, Barbara.SEMANSKI

Rendevous back a t your place,f i f teen hundred hours?MAURICEThat ' s good for me.

Maurice leans over for a kiss, but Semanski pul ls away.SEMANSKIMaurice we're in p u b l i c ~MAURICEOh, come on

He pulls her in to kiss . She responds, then quickly pullsaway. He grins .MAURICESee you.

Maurice heads into the radio s ta t ion. Semanski notes amotorcycle with a broken headlight

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Salmon 7 22/ 91

13

INSIDE THE RADIO STATIONChris is a t his turntable as Maurice enters . MUSIC PLAYS.

CHRISHey, Maurice.Maurice gazes out the window a t Semanski who's writ ing aci ta t ion .

MAURICELook a t her, Chris.CHRISShe's t icket ing my Harley.MAURICESo fu l l of purpose, soconscientious, so thorough.(impressed)Now that ' .s a pro.CHRIS -Yeah MAURICEI 'm n love, Chris. It s l i ke thef i r s t time I experiencedweightlessness. Didn't know whether

I was going to tUmble up or down.CHRISLove is l ike fr iendship caught onf i re .MAURICE

I l i ke that. . Yours?'HRISBruce Lee.

. .

MAURICE . -':f ......The , thing about Barbara .-_- she ' sjus t plain fun to be with. Thismorning, she tossed me 'an axe andraced me through half a cord ofwhite spruce.HRISSounds l ike a heavy duty bloodrush.

CONTINUED)

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_ i i i i - : I l J I " : " I i ; ' i \ 1 I ; @ i ' ; " I J j " ' l 1 < " ' . ' J I i - - ' I i N M - i W " - - ' ~ " ~ - - . ' i ; : " " ' ' ' ' ' ~ - - " ~ ' ' ' ' i I : ; ' , , ~ - : ~ , - . ~ ~ ~ ~ , ~ ' . q j r J ' ~ ' i I ~ , \ j . ~ 1 I v ~ _ W '


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13 CONTINUED:M URICELet me jus t say tha t sweat is anunderrated but very effect iveaphrodaisiac.CHRISSweat before sex - - interest ingvaria t ion.M URICEYou know Chris, a l l my l i f e I havedifferent ia ted between men andwomen. Men have been my friends - my confidants - - my comrades. Andwomen . . well, they've been objectsof desire , of admiration - - butnever more. That i s , unt i l now.With Barbara i t s different , i t s

l ik we're .CHRISSoulmates.

Maurice nods.

CHRISBeen l i s tening to that Robert lytape I gave you?M URICEHe los t me when he star ted in aboutl i s tening through the ear in mystomach.(beat)Chris I may jus t be needing yourminister ia l services.CHRISNo kiclclinq.yet? You pop the question

MAURICE(holding thumb toforefinger)I 'm th i s close .CHRISAll r ight(then; consideringupcoming duty) hisSo a wadeli 9 service.trom- "Henry the l 'i f th"MAUIICE

Shakespeare?

Somethinqmaybe?

2


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Blue 7/11/91. - ,

13 CONTINUED: 2CHRISBut when the blas t of war bloWS inour ea r s , / Then imi ta te the act ion

of the t i ge r , / St i f fen the sinews,summon up the blood . . . "MAURICEGood. Good. And throw in a l i t t l eof MacArthur's speech to Congress.That ' s one of Barbara 's favori tes .(pointing out the window)Look, she jus t nai led a jaywalker.

14 INT. ADAM S CABIN - DAYBeginning to come up, Joel shakes out the cobwebs.

JOELUgnnnnhhhRaising his arms, Joel sees t ha t they are shackled chaingang s ty le with i ron bracelets and chains.

HeyHey

JOEL(seeing his fee t s imi lar lyshackled)

He s t ruggles agains t the chains.JOELHey, what i s th isEVE(approaching)Don't s t ra in yourself .JOEL(sputtering)You . . you You s t ruck me

Yes.EVE(calm)JOELYou you .(holding out his arms,peremptory)Take these off r igh t nowEVE

1\ ....

(CONTINUED)


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE "The Bumpy Road to Love" Blue 7/11/91

14

CONTINUED:JOEL( t rying a different tack)Okay, look, I won't press charges,Eve - - I ll forget a l l about i t .We'll pretend th i s never happened.

Ev . walks away.JOELThis i s kidnapping A felony Idemand you remove these th i sinstantEVEI can ' t .JOELWhy not?EVEI need you.JOELWhat?EVEI need a twenty-four-hour, on-cal lphysician.JOELAre you out of your mind? Wait,don ' t answer. I t was a rhe tor ica lquest ion. You are out of your mind.EVEDon't get nasty.,JOEL(yell ing)Help HelpEVEScream a l l you want. I t won't doany good, except give both of usheadaches - - in which case, I may beforced to whack you a g a ~ n

A long beat . Joel i s s i len t .JOELYou actual ly think I 'm going to takecare of you under thesecircumstances?

CONTINUED)


30/6

14 CONTINUED: 2EVEYou have to.JOEL

I do notEVEYou took an oath.JOELThat doesn ' t matter By assaultingme you have broken the socia lcontract between physician andpat ient .EVEYou're angry now. I understandthat .JOEL(holding out his wrists)Take these off of meEVEYou'll feel different ly in a fewdays.JOEL

Days?V

I rea l ly need to get th is placecleaned up.Eve beqins stra ightening up the kitchen area.

JOELEve

VAdam is a pig when he cooks.(beat)Did be t e l l you how we met? I t wasa book party. I was in publ ic i ty ,an edi tor - - corner office a t Knopf.And by the way t i s "Knopf". Saythe "k" but not the "pll.

Joel watches her. Eve continues EVEAnd there was Adam - - the ca terer - th i s dark, brooding man in a cba t shat . We went back to his place.(MORE)


31/6

14 C O N T l N U E ~ 3EVE (cont d)He whipped up a zabaglione - - I ve

been with him ever since.(beat)The toxici ty of Manhattan wasplaying hel l with my elec t ro lytes .Alaska seemed l ike the place to go.Lit t le i we know about the PCB s.JOEL(innocent)Eve . . . ?(as she turns to him)Maybe over-reacted. I can seeyou re a very delicate woman who s

been plagued with chronici l lnesses - - a woman who does needround-the-clocK medical care. I mwill ing - - no, glad - - to be yourphysician. I f you would jus t undotheseHe holds out his shackles. She eyes him

JOELActually, you sound a l i t t l e shortof breath. I d l ike to percuss yourlungs and check for a mass.(ingenuous smile)can t do tha t u n l e s ~ my hands arefree.

EVEJoel - - do you mind i f I ca l l youJoel?JOELOf CQurse not.EVEYou re so t ransparent . You want me

to unshackle you so you can runaway.JOEL.weak)No, don t .EVEI f you accept the fact you re goingto be here, th is could be a pos i t iveexperience.(beat)Here. MORE)

J


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r

.

14 CONTINUED: 4EVE (cont/d)(handing him a magazine)

New England Journal of Medicinethere s a very good art ic le onarrhythmia.She exi ts . Joel struggles against his chains.

15 INT. MAURICE'S HOUSE - D YMaurice enters , carrying a brown bag.

MAURICE(cal l ing out)I 'm home The plan for the eveningi s T-bones horns off and somebaked Idahoes.

Semanski enters from another room in her pol ice jacket , capand boots. She's carrying a duff le bag f i l l ed with herbelongings.MAURICE(dismayed)What . ?SEMANSKII 'm out of here.

Semanski s l ings the duffel bag over her shoulder.MAURICEBarbara?SEMANSKIThe phone rang while I was workingout . Your answering machine pickedup.MAURICEWhat?

Semanski pushes the play button. We HEAR:MCDEVITT (V. o. )Maurice, th i s is McDevitt. Goodnews.MAURICE(puzzled)My accountant.

( . ; ~ N T I . m J E D

3


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Salmon 7/22/91 3

CONTINUED:MCDEVITT (V. O.I checked in to the capi tal gainsthing. The IRS wil l never pick itout as passive income. We'll puta l l the debentures on schedule D.This is going to save you a fortune.

Semanskipushes the stop button.SEMANSKIYou broke the law.MAURICENOw now maybe I bent it a l i t t l e ,but - -SEMANSKI

I don t f ind tha t amusing.Semanski s ta r t s toward the door. Maurice goes af te r her .

MAURICEBarbara, loopholes are an American-tradi ion .SEMANSKINot in my book

Semanski resumes her exi t ; Maurice intervenes.MAURICEBesides, it s not the law, it sthe tax code. I bet Donald Trump- doesn ' t pay a i m e ~

~ S E M A N S K I . _ .' . - . -(pauses)I _cleaned t h e Browning and put ~ t-back in the case. - _ -MAURICEBarbara please

without replying, Semanski exi ts .

END OF ACT TWOFADE OUT

15


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road. to Love Blue 7/11/91

15A

ACT THREEFADE ININT. ADAM S CABIN - DAYEve eats from a bowl. Shackled Joel , angry and famished.,watches.

EVEI to ld Adam a hundred t imes, i fyou're going to g r i l l n the houseyou've got to have propervent i l l a t ion . But oh no, the greatchef can ' t be bothered with anythingas mundane as respirat ion. I t ' s notl ike I 'm being unreasonable - - it swell-documented - - it s n a l l themedical l i t e ra tu re - - charcoal smokes carcinogenic.(re: bowl)You sure you don ' t want some ofth is?

Joel doesn ' t answer.EVECome on, now - - don ' t pout. Youhaven ' t had anything to eat ns ixteen hours .JOELI 'm not hungry.EVEWith my blood sugar I have to ea tevery four hours or I get dizzy.(enjoying the meal)Mmmmmm.JOEL(beat)What s tha t?

Cassoulet .next day.She eats with gusto.

EVEI t ' s always be t t e r theBeat.

JOELMaybe a t as te .EVThat ' s be t te r .

Grabbing a f resh spoon, she i tar ts to feed him.(CONTINUED)

15


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(77501) NCriTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love" Salmon 7/22/91 3

CONTINUED: 2EVEI 'm a pat ient woman - - it takes alo t to get me rea l ly upset. But theman doesn ' t wear shoes. That ' s notjus t unsightly i t ' s unsanitary.There's a reason they put thosesigns in res taurants , "No shoes, noservice."

She continues to pack Joe l ' s mouth with food. He's close togagging.

Joel gags.

EVEokay, maybe for two weeks inFebrurary, when i t ' s sixty belowwith a wind chi l l factor of minusninety I can get him to put a n apair of thongs

EVEDon't bol t your Iood.(wiping his mouth) ,I could l ive with the bare fee t i fthat was the only thing. But iti sn ' t . I t ' s par t of a pat tern - par t of his consistent disregard formy well-being.The door f l ies open and Adam enters. He sees Eve leaningover Joel, holding the spoon.

'. '


36/6

15 CONTINUED: 2He beqins pull inq out pots, pans and utensi ls .

Adam JOEL(implorinq)EVEWhat do you think you're doing?

D MThere's nothing to cook with in thecountry house.JOELcountry house?EVE( to Adam)You're not taking the paella pan.JOELWhat's th i s place? Your pied aterre?

D M(to Eve)You wouldn't know a paella pan froma chafing dish.EVEAnd the vert ic le roaster i s mine

Joel watches the argument l ike a tennis match.ADAMI ordered t from Williams/Sonoma.EVEDr. Berman gave t to me af te r thekidney cr i s i s

D MYou don ' t even cook. You nevercooked a meal in your l i fe .I cookd'e tremora to

EVEI t jus t i sn ' t my raison-I happen to think the re ' sl i f e than bernaise sauce.D MLike antihistamines - - l ikete tracyclineJ Youe va qot more pills...than t he FDA

(CONTINUED)

J


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love" Blue 7/11/91

CONTINUED: 3EVEWhat do you know - - you're apathological l ia r

At th is , Adam and Eve scream a t each other.JOELSHUT UP

Adam and Eve fa l l quiet and look a t him.JOELLook a t you Fighting l ike th is infront of a stranger A person youdon ' t even know Do you have noshame?

Adam and Eve glance a t one another.JOELAll r ight I'm laying down the law.I f you two can ' t se t t le th is , Iwil l

EVED MWait a second No one t e l l s me - -QUIET (beat)

JOELYou'll both get a chance to haveyour say, but I make the rules(to Adam)

a k ~ us some coffee.(as Adam hesi ta tes)Now.D M(chast ised)Vienna roas t or Kona?

16 INT. HOLLING'S BAR - D YMaggie, s t i l l on a binge, takes a chug of beer as she plunkschange in to the jUke box. An abused woman COUNTRY SONGcomes on. Staggering back to the bar, Maggie i s stopped bya BURLY GUY jus t enter ing.

BURLY GUYMaggie - - I need you to f ly me toAnchorage. The water pipes in myhouse are busted and the whole topf loor i s flooded.CONTINUED)

1


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Lovell Blue 7/11 /91.. 16 CONTINUED:

:

She laughs.

MAGGIEGee, t h a t s the saddest s tory I veever heard.

BURLY GUYWhat's funny?MAGGIEYou know what I see when I look a tyour fa t , ugly face?BURLY GUYWhat?MAGGIE(with disgust)A man.

She continues to the bar , where Ed s i t s , watching. Taking as tool , Maggie turns to the man s i t t ing next to her .MAGGIEYou know something? You have noneck. (off his puzzled look)Jus t l ike Gumby.

She laughs. The man moves off .MAGGIE( indicat ing shot glass ,cal l ing)Uno masED(point ing to his glass)This root beer s nice. Yououghta t ry some.MAGGIE

Root beer Great idea(ca l ls out)With three f ingers of ginEd frowns. Ruth-Anne comes up.

RUTH ANNEI th ink you've-had enough, dear.CONTINUED)

1


39/62

10 CONTINUED: 2 MAGGIEEnough . . enough? Did you say,enough?

Ruth-Anne nods.MAGGIE(leaning in)I t s a good thing you're old enoughto be a woman, Ruth-Anne.

She bangs her glass . Dave comes up with a bot t l e of gin.But before he can pour, Ruth-Anne covers the glass with herhand. Maggie looks up a t her.RUTH-ANNE(gent le)I 'm taking you home.

Maggie looks a t Ruth-Anne, then sags.17 INT. ADAM S CABIN - DAY

Joel , s t i l l shackled, has assumed the manner of a judge andi s seated with Adam and Eve facing him in separa te chairs .EVEOn our f i r s t date, Adam to ld me tha t

he was working with a U.N. team ofsc ien t i s t s to develop a droughtre s i s t an t s t r a in of wheatD M( interrupt ing)That 's not - -

Ah

JOEL(pointing a f inger: stoppinghim)D MBut t h a t s

JOELAh Ah

D M(quickly)Not wheat. Rice. I t was r ice .AdaJll stews as Eve continues.

CON t lNUEU

3


40/6

17 CONTINUED:EVENeedless to say, th is was not

t rue - - nor was his claim tha t heexcavated Ramses I l l s tomb in ~ h eValley of ~ h e Kings - - nor tha t heled rebel forces in the capture ofAddis Ababa. I could go on and on.In the face of these outr ight l ie s ,how can one build t rus t in arelat ionship?JOEL(turning)Adam . . .

D MBefore I get into t rus t , I d l ike topoint out tha t when i t s my turn totalk, she s coughing, she s wheezingEVEI happen to be al lergicJOELEve ....EVE

( teacher 's pet)sorry, Dr. Fleischman.ADAM(to Joel)And don ' t say a thing. But i f1 interrupt to correct a l i eJOELAdam, jus t s ta te your case.

ve gives Adam a "see" look.

. .

ADAMLet me draw you a picture - - it st h r AM she wakes up with legcramps - - demands a muscle re laxant .Where's the nearest a l l nightpharmacy? Sleetmute. Four hundredmiles away. We don ' t even have amule, much l ess a carEVE(to Joel)My legs were bal led up l ike f ~ s ~ s

J

CONTINUED)


41/6

. 17 CONTINUED: 2

D MAlways her needs I'm out thererunning the ra t race - - t rying tomake t in a world of revolving doorchefs and food consultants. Doesshe ever give me a word ofencouragement? A word of sympathy?I 'm offered a job a t Tour D'Argentin ParisJOELYou? An American?

D MThey begged me And what does shesay? No. She won't l ive in Parisbecause she finds the Frenchcombative and they l e t dogs s i t a tthe table . So I turn t down. YetI feel l ike a te r r ib le person forwanting to go.EVE(to Joel)I f you're not an only chi ld , youcan t understand

Eve.JOEL

(warning)EVEf e l t pressured to be everythingfor my parents, which may be whynothing do ever feels l ike enough.

D MHeld on - - here we qoEVEI'm a t t rac t ive - - I 'm br ight - - but

that means nothing when you can tswallow.D MI t only you couldn ' t tAl t

Increasingly i r r i t a ted , Joel watches the escala t ingfireworks E.VEThera's a spec ia l i s t in Hous_tonas soon as I 'm weJ..l enc.ugn to t rave l

4

(CONTINUED)


42/6

::i:.

17 CONTINUED: 3

ADAMYou've already had a dozen secondopinions. We're not wasting anymore money - -

EVEI ve enough Advantage miles to flyfor free. Business classJOELSTOP STOP

Adam and Eve pause.JOELI ve heard enough Here's my

decisionThey lean forward to l i s ten. Joel points a t Adam.

JOELYou No one should believe anythingyou say - - not even hello. Inaddition, you're rude, you'rehost i le , and you have no regard forpersonal hygiene.Adam shrinks back. Eve looks smug. Joel turns to her.

JOELAnd you I ve encounteredhypochondriacs before - - sure. Butit they gave out prizes you'd winthe MVP. That you would actual lyenslave someone to serve yourdelusions of i l lness . You arewithout question the most self ish,egot is t ica l - - no - - the mostmegalomaniacal person I ve ever met.

Now it s ve who shrinks back. Joel addresses them both.JOELYou two are a disaster . Together,you'ra beyond description. There 'snothing worth saving here. You goone way, you go another. Spl i t upth_ appliances, sp l i t up the forest ,sp l i t up the mountains.(to AdamYou eas t of the pipeline.\ t . , Eve)You :to w ~ ~ : t of the pipeline. Andnever-, avel.'. saa one another aqain.

4


43/6

(7'7501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Salmon 7/22/91: ; . ~ .

18 EXT. LAKE SIDE - D YAn arrow slams into the outer edge of a target on a haybale. PULL BACK to reveal a self-absorbed Maurice loweringa camouflaged hunting bow. Behind him is a rack of variousbows long bow, crossbow, ref lex, e tc . Chris, standingnext to him with a Japanese bow, notches an arrow.CHRISI don' t think i t ' s your form,Maurice, I think i t ' s yourphilosophy.

MAURICEMy philosophy?CHRISYour mind set . You're a l lo v e r theplace today.

(beat)See, in- Kyudo philosophy, you don ' taim - - you become one with thetarget . Then, in fact , there ' snothing to aim a t .Chris shoots. The arrow h i t s t hebu l l s eye. -

CHRISI f ind t works well with women,too. (indic'ating target)Give i t a t ry .Maurice ra ises his bow, then lowers i t .

MAURICEI t ' s -not a :matter of aim, ':Chris.I t ' s a :matter of ' desire.(off Chris ' p u z z l ~ d - l o o i c .Every time I notch 'an arrow I see _Barbara. - 'CHRISLack of focus. Increases anxiety.Decreases pleasure.(re: ' target)You mind?

MAURICENo, go ahead.(as Chris aims)I t i sn ' t jus t the archery,ei ther . - - I blew away a s ix pointbuck ear l ie r today and I f e l t onlyemptiness. (MORE)(CONTINUED

1


44/6

(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow 7/18/91

18 CONTINUED:e

e 18A19

CHR:S (cont 'd)Why don' t you ca l l her?MAURICE

She's made it clear she wantsnothing more to do with me.Chris f i res THFFT. The bol t slams into the bullseye.

MAURICEShe ' l l hear my voice and hang up.CHRISOnly one way to know for sure.MAURICEChris, I 'm a l l for climbing back on

a horse tha t throws me - - but inth i s case, hurting l ike I do, Idon' t know i f I could take anotherfa l l .Chris nods in understanding and picks u another bolt .EXT. MAGGIE S CABIN - NIGHTTO ESTABLISH.

INT. MAGGIE S CABIN - -NIGHTRuth-Anne s i t s by Maggie's bed, reading. Maggie's in aflannel nightgown.MAGGIE(waking up)How long have I s lept?RUTH-ANNEAbout six hours.MAGGIE

Have you been here a l l th i s time?Ruth-Anne smiles, closes her book. Maggie s i t s up.MAGGIEOhh, my head.

Dumping two aspirin out of a bot t le , Ruth-Anne hands them toMaggie along with a glass of water.RUTH-ANNEDrink it a l l .

(CONTINUED)

1

18

1

':' '. -::':, ~ . ; : .. . n -.. . ~ : : ~ . ~ ; :. ( - ~ . .:- .:. : . . ~ ~ - J '. . . : . : ~ J _ ~ - . . . '., ', .. _ : . :


45/6

(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow 7/18/91 4

, . 19

. ' ,I.. -..... - .

CONTINUED:with a GROAN, Maggie t akes the asp i r i n

. :.-. ' , ' , - .

RUTH-ANNEAlcohol dehydra tes t he body. Youneed to push f lu ids

. ., ',. ~ . .' . : ' , .1

19

CONTINUED)

' ., .


46/6

l ~ CONTINUED:Grimacing, Maggie f in ishes the water. She touches hertemples.

~ A G G I EOoh I ve s t i l l got thetwir ly -whir l ies .RUTH ANNEYou l l feel worse tomorrow.

Maggie l i e s back in bed.MAGGIEHow do you make the bed stopspinning?RUTH ANNEwant to throw up?MAGGIE(a groan)Noooe . .

Well,RUTH ANNE(tucking Maggie in)thenMAGGIERuth-Anne?RUTH ANNEUh hmrtan.MAGGIEWhy are men such swine?RUTH ANNEThey re not a l l swine, dear well ,mast of them perhaps. But the rea lproblem i s - - we l l never know

them - - and t h e y l l never know us.(off Maggie s puzzled look)In Genesis twe, it says Adam wascraated from dust and Eve wascreated from Adam s r ib . Putt ingaside the sex is t put down what tha tmeans s tha t men and women are madedi f fe ren t ly .MAGGIEYeah, l i ke swine.

C O N T I N ~ E D )


47/6

l awI INUEO: 2RUTH ANNE(beat)You never knew Bil l , my husband. Alovely, decent man. We d only bemarried a few months when theJapanese at tacked Pearl Harbor.joined the Women s Army Corps andwound up packing parachutes a t ana i r f i e ld near Manchester. Bi l l dhad rheumatic fever as a chi ld andcouldn t serve - - he stayed inPort land.MAGGIEknow the next par t - - he had ana f fa i r .RUTH ANNEAt the t ime hoped so.MAGGIEWhy?RUTH ANNEBecause did.MAGGIEYou?RUTH ANNEHe was an English pi lo t - - I thoughtI loved him - - but it was more t ha tI needed him. There was so muchdeath but in bed with him(smiles)I d i dn t th ink about death.MAGGIEWhat happened?

~

( CONTINUED)


48/62

19 CONTINUED: 3 RUTH-ANNE(matter-of-fact)He was ki l l ed in a ra id overHamburg. I f he hadn t been, Imight ve divorced Bil l and marriedhim. (beat)As t was, Bil l turned out to be awonderful husband . . . and father. Wehad a very good l i f e together.(looking a t Maggie)What I m t rying to say . . we don tknow what s in another person shear t , we don t even know what s inour own. Life turns on a dime.Somehow, we muddle throuqh.(kissing Maggie on theforehead)Good-night, dear.Ruth-Anne turns out the l ight . In the moonlit room, Maggiewatches Ruth-Anne go then closes her eyes.

F ~ O ~END OF ACT THREE


49/62

(77S


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77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love" Salmon 7/22/91 4

CONTINUED:MAGGIE( s i t t ing)

I always hated t when my parentsdragged me to the club.RICKWell, obviously, on somesubconscious l e v e l - -MAGGIE(not icing someone)Oh, god, t h a t s Mr. Handley. He andDad played golf every Wednesday.(sot to)

I knew he had a bad t icker . But Ididn t know he was dead.A waiter comes to the t able , hands a menu to Maggie andr e f i l l s Rick 's glass with iced t ea .

RICK(to Waiter)She'd l ike the pepper steakmedium . rare.MAGGIEWhat am I doing here?RICKWell, clear ly, there are unresolvedissues we should deal with.MAGGIEUnresolved issues? Like yourcheat ing on me? That unresolvedissue? ,RICKC'mon, Maggie --:-- you knew MAGGIEI did notRICKYou had to .MAGGIEWhat are you ta lk ing about?RICKLast Christmas, I mixed up thegif t s . I gave you JoAnne's Caleche.You don t wear Caleche you don t. l ike Caleche --"' too sweet. ,

CONTINUED)

20


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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love" Green

0

e

CONTINUED: 2MAGGI:;:I was supposed ~ know from that?I t could 've been an honest mistake.(off his look)

I t could 've beenRICKDenial, Maggie. You didn t want toknow.MAGGIEOh, no you don't Don't make th i smy problem(beat)How many other women were there?RICK

How many? . . a l l together or a t apar t icu lar given time?MAGGIEJus t give me a rough est imate .RICK(considers). . . Twenty-five hundred.MAGGIETwenty-five hundred? You s lep t withtwo thousand f ive hundred women?RICKMore or l ess .MAGGIEWhen you were with me?RICKDon't be r idiculous. I couldn thave s l ep t with more than a couplehundred while we were together .Most of them were st rangers .(off her s tare)

I t had nothing to do with you. I twas me. I was a sexual addict .Like Howard Hughes, l ike JFK, l ikeDill inger .Dill inger?gangster?

MAGGIEJohn Dill inger the

7/19/91

20

CONTINUED)


52/6

(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Blue

. 0

.

CONTINUED: 3RICK(nodding)I needed new partners a l l the t ime.I f I couldn' t have them, I d get

these te r r ib le cramps - - I couldn' tconcentrate - - I couldn' t f ly. Youcan t imagine what a burden i twas - - a l l these women - - a l l theseempty sexual encounters. Death wasactual ly a great re l ie f . Well, sor tof .MAGGIERick, I 'm t rying real hard to musterup some sympathy for you.RICK

I 'm not looking for sympathy. I 'mdead - - i t s over.(gentle)You're what th i s s about.She eyes him suspiciously.

RICKLook a t the men you haverelat ionships with - - I 'mof a pattern.( indicat ing heaven)I ve met Glen here, Bruce.a l l the same - - roamers - You need someone steady - you can count on. Someonedon ' t know . . . l ike . . .

MAGGIEFleischman?RICKYeah.MAGGIE

jus t par tWe're

gypsies.someonel ike . . . I

You know Rick, I ve had about smuch of th is dream as I can take.RICKI understand.(stands)Look, I got ta go - - I 'min five. Si t . Relax.Just t e l l Him to put t

He moves off .

teeing offEnjoy lunch.on my tab.

21 INT. MAGG:tE S BEDROOM - NIGHTMaggie sleeps.

7/11/91

2

2


53/6

(77501) . NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow 7 /18 / 91 5

'.

. .

'.'w . ,

22 INT. ADAM S CABIN - D WNJoel , s t i l l shackled, i s awakened by Adam. Eve standsb ititnd him with a hack saw.

D MGet up.JOELWha . . . ?

D MEve and I talked.EVEWe're going to give it another t ry .JOELThat was not my recommendation.

D MWe're supposed to l i s t en to you?With your personal history?JOELWhat's that supposed to mean?

D MI 've gotten chain l e t te r s tha t hadmore hear t . Take care of yourself ,Joey. Don't get f ros tb i te ."JOEL

That 's Elaine 's le t te r You readElaine 's le t ter?D MNo wife of mine would go running offwith some mangy Federal judge oldenough to be her grandfather.

JOELHow'd you read Elaine 's le t ter?EVE(stepping closer)

, ' . , We d l ike 'you' to-leave 'now.JOELYou'd l ike me to leave? As in, t h i swas my choice? As in, I elected toremain and I 've now outworn mywelcome?EVE(re: hack saw)Hold out your hands.

, 0 ,

(CONTINUED,, - '

. . ' . - , . t

22


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(77501)

27

. : .. ..

(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow

22 CONTINUED:JOELYou don' t have a key?EVEI los t i t .

sighing, Joel extends his arms. Eve begins sawing ~ h ecenter chain of his shackles.23 INT. MAURICE S HOUSE - D WN

Sad music plays on the s tereo. Maurice, bleary-eyed fnot sleeping, s i t s a t his desk, cleaning Semanski's guHe runs his fingers over:24 INSERT - SEMANSKI S INITIALS

25

26

27

engraved in the gr ip .MAURICE

s i g h ~ and looks toward the phone. Beat. He picks upr e c e ~ v e r begins to dial , then stops. Maurice se t s threceiver in i t s cradle, slumps into a chair .OMITTEDEXT. PATH - D YJoel , s t i l l wearing the bracele ts (and several incheschain) from his shackles, walks with Adam and Eve to ht ruck. Eve looks a t her palms.

. ,:

EVEI t s yellow. I think i t s jaundice.JOEL(wearily). I t s not jaundice... .... . .EVE

. .. .-

I ve had obstructions of the commonb i l e duct before.JOELI t s not jaundice.

I

(CO

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - "The Bumpy Road to Love" Yellow 7 / 1 8 / 9 1 5

w ,

. F. :. . " .

27 CONTINUED: 2EVENo. (to Joel)Certain medications can causejaundice, can t they? Quinacrine

hydrochloride, for instance?JOELOkay You wanna be sick? You'resick. Yes, t ha t s jaundice. Theworst case of jaundice I ve everseen. Question i s - - what's causingi t ? Best case scenario - - gal lstones.EVE(considers)Gall stones.JOELBut it could be hepat i t i s or maybeyou've real ly hi t the jackpot anddeveloped full-blown, metastasized,inoperable pancreatic cancer.

D MHey, buddy - - t ha t s my wife you'reta lking toEVEWhen you get back from New Zealand,

I 'm going to get a CAT scan.JOELNew Zealand?(to Adam)All r ight I'll bi te . What's nNew Zealand?D MYacht race.

EVE(p roud) . .Kiwi CUp ~ i f t y ~ f o o t catamarans"

JOELThey l e t ~ race a yacht?D MThey grouse about i t , but they don thave much choice.

CONTINUED)

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27 CONTINUED: 2EVE(to Joel)He designed the sa i l s .

Adam indicates a patch on his nearly t a t te red fat iguejacket .28 CLOSE - PATCH (INSERT)

Offical San Diego Yacht Club patch.29 JOEL

s ta res .30 EXT. SEMANSKI S HOUSE- D Y

Dawn. Maurice leaves his mud-caked car and approaches thedoor. From inside the house comes the SOUND of DOGSBARKING. Maurice knocks. An expressionless Semanski,wearing a t e r ry bathrobe, opens the door. She holds ontothe col la rs of two snarl ing-German shepards, who seem eagerto t ea r Maurice apart .MAURICEBarbara . . .( to the vicious dogs)Hey, boy good dog . . .(as the dogs continuebarking)

3

SITThe dogs quiet , s i t t ing . Semanski says nothing.

MAURICEI was in the neighborhood Ithought I d drop by.The dogs gLare a t him, GROWLING low.

MAURICECould you do something with them?SEMANSKI(beat: to the dogs)Perimeter.

She re leases t he dogs and they t ea r outside to patrol .SEMANSKIWhat i s i t , Maurice?JotAURICEActuall:r , Bar;'ara, was hoping youand I m i q h ~ ta': t.

(CONTINUED


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(775 01.) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Pink 7/16/91

. . _ 30 CONTINUEDLookinq past Semanski, Maurice sees Trooper Tony havinqcoffee a t the breakfast table. Tony wears boxer shorts andmirror sunqlasses. Maurice i s stunq, but touqhs it out.MAURICE

I didn t know you had company. Icould come back la ter .SEMANSKIJust a sec.

Turning, she qo s to Tony who stands.she speaks quietly but firmly to Tony.marchinq orders, exits to the bedroom.Maurice, Semanski motions him in.Maurice watches asTony, qiven hisTurninq back to

3 l INSIDE - MAURICEenters , careful ly shuttinq the door behind him.

MAURICEBarbara, I admit that what I didcould be construed as not altoqetherabove board.She eyes him warily.

MAURICEHowever, I think we both would aqreethat to cal l i t an outriqht criminalact would be a gross exaggeration.

SEMANSKII f you break the law, you vecommitted a criminal act .MAURICEYou know, I can t t e l l you how much

I admire your dedication.Civi l izat ion would disinteqrate intochaos without resolute lawenforcement officers l ikeyourself and that qentleman in theback room.SEMANSKITony.MAURICETony? Yes. Trooper Tony.SEMANSKIWhat do you want, Maurice?

(CON'l'INUED)

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(77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Blue 7/11/91

31

CONTINUED:MAURICE

I want you to know these are notempty words. Talk 's cheap. I t sactions tha t count.(pull ing out a check)I 'm giving th i s check to the StatePolice Benevolent Association.(pausing for effect)Twenty thousand dollars .

He holds out the check to her. She looks a t i t , then handsit back to him. She doesn ' t sof ten.

MAURICEThat ' s twenty thousand dollars ,Barbara. Four zeroes.SEMANSKII 'm sure you l l receive a nicel e t t e r of thanks.MAURICEBarbara ....SEMANSKIAnd a s izeable deduction on yourten-for ty .MAURICEAll r ight . I ll make it twenty-five

thousand.SEMANSKII think you bet te r go now.MAURICEThirty.

She opens the door for him to leave. Maurice points to theother room.MAURICEI s it Trooper Tony?SEMANSKIHe's nothing. A diversion - - arebound.MAURICEThen what? What do I have to do,Barbara? Tel l me what I have to do

CONTINUED)


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T (77501) NORTHERN EXPOSURE - The Bumpy Road to Love Yellow 7 /18 /9

- .

CONTINUED: 2SEMANSKI

~ o u ' don' t get i t , Maurice. I 'm nota cop because I want to be - - I'm acop because I have to be. I wascal led to the law. I 'm i t s servant.I eat , breathe, sleep the law --itcourses through my body l ike blood.(beat)When you stepped on the law,Maurice, you stepped on me. Andt ha t s what hurts.Maurice opens his mouth to speak, but the re s nothing he cansay. Resigned, he nods, turns and walks out.

32 INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAYMarilyn, reading a catalogue, looks up as Joel enters , s t i l lwearing the ankletes and bracelets of the severed shackles.

JOELDon't ask.She doesn' t . Crossinqtoward his office , Joel pauses.

JOELOkay, I know you're dying to saysomething.Marilyn looks a t him, then back to her catalogue.

JOELI disappear without a t raceabducted from my home - ~ I return inchains - - you're not even the leas tb i t curious?MARILYNYour s t e r i l e sponges came in.JOELThank you. ~ h a n k you, Marilyn.

. He ~ x : i t s into:33 JOEL'S INNER OFFICE - JOEL

picks up a scapel and t r ies to pick the shackle lock.Maggie enters .MAGGIEWhere've you been, Fleischman?

(CONTINlTE' .I . . . . . . , r.' , , ' - , .' ;.. = ' ; ' : . .. '::' . ; _ . .1, .. . ........ . ' . ,& .or, ::,: ' , , .,.:- : ;' ... . ~ .......

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f:

33 CONTINUED:MAGGIEYeah.JOELYou real ly want to know?MAGGIEYeah.JOELRemember Adam the missing l ink?His wife, Eve, has been holding meprisoner for the las t th i r ty-s ixhours.MAGGIEYou can t even answer a simplequestion. Why have you got thosethings On your wrists?JOELO Connell, what do you want?MAGGIEmoving to the door)Now I don t feel l ike asking you.JOEL(what did do to deserve

this)Fine. Don t ask me.MAGGIE(pausing)You know, Fleischman, despite yourmany flaws and l imitations, there i san honesty to you. Not that tha tmak you any more charming orl ikeable - -JOEL_O Connell, I ve had a rough couple

days MAGGIESo have I . The point is - - you re-exactly who you are. There s nohidden aqenda - - no subterfuqewhat you sea s what you qat JOELAs opposed to

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33 CONTINUED:Joel looks

2MAGGIEWell, yes, Rick, and Glen and tha tschmuck Bruce yes.

puzzled.MAGGIEI admit a t times and don t readanything into th is I actual lyfind you refreshing.JOELYou make me sound l ike a glass ofginger ale .MAGGIEAnd occasionally amusing.

There i s a beat of s i lence. Joel i s gra t i f i ed by theat tent ion.Thanks ..(beat)

JOELYou were going to ask me something?

MAGGIEI was?

JOELYou were.

MAGGIEI was (beat)00 you want to have dinner?

JOELDinner?MAGGIEUh huh.JOELWith you?MAGGIEForqet i t .

She s t a r t s to go.JOEL(stoppinq her)wait . Hold on, O Connell

(CO "t'INUED)

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JJ CONTINUED 3MAGGIELook i t s okay - - No big deal, nohard feel ings, noJOELYes.MAGGIE

Yes?JOELYes.MAGGIEtaking t in)Okay, yes.re: wrists)

Dinner Fleischman.indicat ing chains)Nothing kinky. Jus t dinner.smiling, Maggie turns and s ta r t s out . Joel watches her go,holds up his arms, -regards his shackles . .

FADE OUTTHE END

6

northern exposure 3x01 - the bumpy road to love

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