not alone anymore - alcoholics anonymous · my inse-curities at my young age were already being...

8
August 2009 Orlando, Florida I used to be confused about the difference be- tween loneliness and solitude. I grew up the middle child of five siblings. I was too young to tag along with my older brothers but old enough that I didn’t want my younger sib- lings around me. Therefore, I found myself spending a lot of time by myself out in the woods, in the pasture with my ponies or immersed in books. Through reading, I fantasized about going to lands far away, becoming the person in the book, just being somewhere else and someone else other than where I was or who I was. As I grew older, this sense of solitude was replaced with enor- mous pangs of loneliness. My parents fought a lot and I didn’t feel wanted. I believed I was the cause of their fighting. My inse- curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. Then alcohol entered my life and suddenly, I fit in. When the alcohol entered my body and my thinking changed, I was suddenly the center of attention, I was popular, funny, witty and clever. Those things existed in my mind only. I continued to live this life for the next twenty years. What began as a means to escape the lone- liness, self pity, and insecurities eventually turned into my prison. I became angry at the world and everyone in it. I hated everyone that did not agree with my way of thinking. I had no time for anyone that did not drink and party the way I did. I wanted nothing to do with people who did not live the way I did. I was miserable and I wished for death often to escape the pain. I felt like I was going crazy and I needed help. I shared my feelings with a co-worker that volun- teered at a suicide hotline and he gave me the name of a therapist that also volunteered at the center. After just two sessions I was in tears and admitting that I was an alcoholic. I soon went to my first AA meeting and knew that these rooms were where I belonged. It was sometimes a struggle but I did what AA suggested. I got a sponsor, I did service work, I went to meetings, and I worked the steps. I came to believe in a power greater than myself. The anger lessened and the feeling of loneliness subsided. I now know the difference be- tween being alone and loneliness. I can choose to be in solitude and alone, but when the feelings of loneliness start getting too great, I reach out to my higher power and ask for His direction and guidance. I also go to meetings and surround myself with other alcoholics. I am re- minded that I am not alone in this journey and that my HP is with me always. I recently celebrated 18 years of sobriety and I am reminded constantly in meetings that there is noth- ing so great that a drink will make “greater” and there is nothing so horrid that a drink will make bet- ter. I may be by myself sometimes, but I never have to be alone. ~Mark The Wake Up Call Group Step Eight “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Tradition Eight “Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.” Concept Eight The Trustees of the General Service Board act in two primary capacities: (a) With respect to the larger matters of over-all policy and finance, they are the principal planners and administrators. They and their primary committees directly man- age these affairs. (b) But with respect to our sepa rately incorporated and constantly active services, the relation of the Trustees is mainly that of full stock ownership and of custodial oversight which they exercise through their ability to elect all directors of these entities. Not Alone Anymore The Difference Between “Alone” and “Loneliness” (A story written in the Writer’s Workshop May 9th, 2009)

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Page 1: Not Alone Anymore - Alcoholics Anonymous · My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. ... Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial

August 2009 Orlando, Florida

I used to be confused about the difference be-tween loneliness and solitude.

I grew up the middle child of five siblings. I was too young to tag along with my older brothers but old enough that I didn’t want my younger sib-lings around me. Therefore, I found myself spending a lot of time by myself out in the woods, in the pasture with my ponies or immersed in books.

Through reading, I fantasized about going to lands far away, becoming the person in the book, just being somewhere else and someone else other than where I was or who I was.

As I grew older, this sense of solitude was replaced with enor-mous pangs of loneliness. My parents fought a lot and I didn’t feel wanted. I believed I was the cause of their fighting. My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me.

Then alcohol entered my life and suddenly, I fit in. When the alcohol entered my body and my thinking changed, I was suddenly the center of attention, I was popular, funny, witty and clever. Those things existed in my mind only.

I continued to live this life for the next twenty years. What began as a means to escape the lone-liness, self pity, and insecurities eventually turned into my prison. I became angry at the world and everyone in it. I hated everyone that did not agree with my way of thinking. I had no time for anyone that did not drink and party the way I did. I wanted nothing to do with people who did not live the way

I did. I was miserable and I wished for death often to escape the pain.

I felt like I was going crazy and I needed help. I shared my feelings with a co-worker that volun-teered at a suicide hotline and he gave me the name of a therapist that also volunteered at the center.

After just two sessions I was in tears and admitting that I was an alcoholic. I soon went to my first AA meeting and knew that these rooms were where I belonged. It was sometimes a struggle but I did what AA suggested. I got a sponsor, I did service work, I went to meetings, and I worked the steps. I came to believe in a power greater than myself. The anger lessened and the feeling of loneliness subsided.

I now know the difference be-tween being alone and loneliness. I can choose to be in solitude and alone, but when the feelings of loneliness start getting too great, I reach out to my higher power and ask for His direction and guidance. I also go to meetings

and surround myself with other alcoholics. I am re-minded that I am not alone in this journey and that my HP is with me always.

I recently celebrated 18 years of sobriety and I am reminded constantly in meetings that there is noth-ing so great that a drink will make “greater” and there is nothing so horrid that a drink will make bet-ter. I may be by myself sometimes, but I never have to be alone.

~MarkThe Wake Up Call Group

Step Eight“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Tradition Eight“Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever

nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.”

Concept EightThe Trustees of the General Service Board act in

two primary capacities: (a) With respect to the larger matters of over-all policy and finance, they

are the principal planners and administrators. They and their primary committees directly man- age these affairs. (b) But with respect to our sepa rately incorporated and constantly active services,

the relation of the Trustees is mainly that of full stock ownership and of custodial oversight which

they exercise through their ability to elect all directors of these entities.

Not Alone AnymoreThe Difference Between “Alone” and “Loneliness”

(A story written in the Writer’s Workshop May 9th, 2009)

Page 2: Not Alone Anymore - Alcoholics Anonymous · My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. ... Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial

2

August 2009 Announcements/Business

We’re Having A Party At The Semoran Skateway!Here is an activity you can do with your family & kids this

summer. Get out of the August heat and come skating with us at Semoran Skateway in Casselberry!

When Is This?August 23rd from 5pm to 7pm

2670 Cassel Creek Blvd Casselberry, FL 32707

It’s totally free.. even the skate rentals are free! Snacks and drinks can be purchased at the snack bar at the

skateway. See you there!!

Sponsored by Central FL Intergroup

Delegate’s ReportNorth FL Area 14 Delegate, Chet P. will give a Report from the General Service Conference (the rest of the info is different) Sat., Sept. 12 from 11 am until 3 pm at the 1st Congressional Church 218 E New England Ave. Winter Park

Save the date!!!The Gratitude Banquet is coming

up November 21st at the First Baptist Church of Orlando

Friends of Bill W Mtg in Lake Bue-na Vista @ the Royal Plaza will

validate your ticket for parking so there will not be a charge...

SAVE THE DATE!!For a Halloween Dance being

sponsored by Intergroup October 31st. Details TBA!!

46th International Women’s

ConferenceFebruary 11th - 14th, 2010

In Orlando, Florida

The next meeting will be Sunday, July 26 at 2 PM at the Doubletree

Hotel.Questions,call Intergroup

407-260-5822

Sunday, Aug 9th FCYPAA Bid Meeting on calendar @ Winter Park Group

6:30 - 8 PM

Attention current and former Treatment Com-mittee Members!!!!!!Come to our next meeting for a committee inventory discus-sionWe need your inputSee you at the Greenhouse back room, Aug 13th, 6:30 pm

Areas 14 & 15 will be hosting a State of Florida Workshop Sunday, Septem-ber 20 at the Sahara Club in Sanford All are invited--- Looking for Service Work? This will be the place to learn about taking the message to the still

suffering alcoholic that is sitting in jail.The details will be in the September

issue of the Intergrouper

The Florida 53rd State ConventionJuly 29th - Aug 2nd, 2009Hyatt Regency Jacksonville 225 East Coastline DrJacksonville, Florida 32202For more information on the convention, go to flstateconvention.com

Page 3: Not Alone Anymore - Alcoholics Anonymous · My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. ... Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial

August 2009

August 2009Calendar Events

August 2009 Calendar of EventsSunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

1.53rd FL State Conven-tion Jacksonville

2.53rd FL State Conven-tion Jacksonville

�. 4. 5. 6. 7.Week 9Big Book Workshop, by “California Rob” @ Sober Won GroupSee Flier & announce-ment page 2

8.

9.FCYPAA Bid Meet-ing @ Winter Park Group 6:30 - 8 PM

10. 11.District 186:30pm @ St.Stephen’sLutheran Church2140 W. SR 434Longwood

12. 1�.CFL Treatment Committee will be at the Greenhouse, 990 Lewis Dr. Winter Park 6:30 - 7:30PM All are welcome & encouraged to attend

14.Week 10Big Book Workshop, by “California Rob” @ Sober Won GroupSee Flier & announce-ment page 2

15.4th Step Seminar2 - 5 PMCentral Orlando Group

16. 17.District 117:30pm @ Made aBeginning GroupFirst Unitarian Church1901 E. Robinson St.Orlando

18. 19.Service Committee Meeting @ Intergroup 6:30pm.

20. 21. 22.

23.NFA Delegate’s Report @ Central Orlando Group 2

- 4 pmSkating Party 5 - 7 pm

24. 25.District 9 MeetingODAT 4971 W ColonialDr. Orlando sametime 6:30 PM

26. 27. 28. 29.Hot Line Training at CFI 10 AM

7th Tradition Workshop 1 - 4 pm Orlando

30.Delegate’s Meeting11:30am @ Central

�1.District 10 6:30 pm Greenhouse

4th Step SeminarAugust 15th 2 P.M. - 5 P.M.At Central Group

Chet P, North Florida Delegate Area 14, Panel 59 will present the Del-egates report from attendance at the April New York General Service Conference Sunday, August 23, 2009 from 2-4 pm. Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial Drive, corner of Broad-way and ColonialAll groups in the area are welcome to come and participate. There will also be an ice cream social.

Sponsored by the Central Orlando Group.

Y.E.S. it’s Friday!Young People ExperiencingSobriety on Fridays!When: Fridays @ 9:30 pmWhere: 621 Wilks AvenuePine Castle Community Service Center

Join the Winter Park Group on Friday nights @ 9:15pm for a night of bowling at the Aloma Bowl2530 Aloma Avenue, Winter Park, 32792 $14.00 includes: Two Hours of Bowling and Shoes. Chip & Dip Party with unlimited Soda!

BIGSERVICE

FAIR

9/26/09 10AM-3PM

Sponsored by Districts 9, 10, 11, 18, 31,

33 & Central Florida Intergroup.

date time

Frequent contact with newcomers & with each other is the bright spot of our lives.Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 89

location

LOCH HAVEN NEIGHBORHOOD CENTER601 N. LAKE FORMOSA DR., ORLANDO

FOOD | GAMES | NEWCOMERS | SERVICE | RAFFLES | DUNK THE DRUNK

GROUP PARTICIPATION NEEDED AT ALL LEVELS. | CONTACT CENTRAL

FLORIDA INTERGROUP AT 407.260.5822 TO FIND OUT HOW YOUR GROUP CAN

GET INVOLVED.

Come out & show the newcomer & the rest of Central Florida AA what makes your

group great! Your group can have a table – serve food, give info about an area of

service, host a carnival game... It’s up to you!

2ND ANNUAL

Page 4: Not Alone Anymore - Alcoholics Anonymous · My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. ... Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial

Hotline/Donations

4

August 2009

August 2009 Hotline CalendarSunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

1.Maggie-----------6-9Robert-------------9-1Central------------1-5J.W.G.------------5-10Kevin C.--------10-6

2.Peter---------------6-9Gary---------------9-1Steve A-----------1-5C.P.H. -----------5-10GH---------------10-6

�.Ronnie-------------6-9Tom----------------9-1Cindy--------------1-5FTH--------------5-10Carol S-----------10-6

4.Brenda-------------6-9Hugh---------------9-1Jimmie-------------1-5Anne K-----------5-10Judi---------------10-6

5.Phil T--------------6-9John----------------9-1Betty---------------1-4Robert------------4-10Jeff ---------------10-6

6.Brenda----------- 6-9Sam P----------- -9-1Jean-------------- 1-4Graham---------4-10Laurie-----------10-6

7.Mark --------------6-9David J------------9-1Tom G------------1-5HAC--------------5-10Wade-------------10-6

8.Maggie------------6-9Blake--------------9-1Central------------1-5J.W.G.------------5-10Kevin C.--------10-6

9.Peter---------------6-9Marion-------------9-1Rob C.-------------1-5Chris -------------5-10GH----------------10-6

10.Ronnie-------------6-9Tom----------------9-1Cindy--------------1-5FTH--------------5-10Carol S-----------10-6

11.Brenda-------------6-9Hugh---------------9-1Jimmie-------------1-5Anne K-----------5-10Carla-------------10-6

12.Phil T--------------6-9John----------------9-1Betty---------------1-4Robert------------4-10Jeff ---------------10-6

1�.Brenda----------- 6-9Sam P----------- -9-1Jean-------------- 1-4Graham----------4-10Laurie------------10-6

14.Mark --------------6-9David J------------9-1Tom G------------1-5HAC--------------5-10Wade-------------10-6

15.Maggie------------6-9Robert-------------9-1Central------------1-5J.W.G.------------5-10Kevin C.--------10-6

16.Peter---------------6-9Gary---------------9-1Steve A------------1-5C.P.H. -----------5-10GH---------------10-6

17.Ronnie-------------6-9Tom----------------9-1Cindy--------------1-5FTH--------------5-10Carol S-----------10-6

18.Brenda------------6-9Hugh--------------9-1Jimmie-----------1-5Anne K----------5-10Judi--------------10-6

19.Phil T--------------6-9John----------------9-1Betty---------------1-4Robert------------4-10Jeff ---------------10-6

20.Brenda----------- 6-9Sam P----------- -9-1Jean-------------- 1-4Graham----------4-10Laurie------------10-6

21.Mark --------------6-9David J------------9-1Tom G------------1-5HAC--------------5-10Wade-------------10-6

22.Maggie-----------6-9Blake-------------9-1Central------------1-5J.W.G.------------5-10Kevin C.--------10-6

23.Peter---------------6-9Marion-------------9-1Rob C.-------------1-5Chris -------------5-10GH----------------10-6

24.Ronnie-------------6-9Tom----------------9-1Cindy--------------1-5FTH--------------5-10Carol S-----------10-6

25.Brenda-------------6-9Hugh---------------9-1Jimmie-------------1-5Anne K-----------5-10Carla-------------10-6

26.Phil T--------------6-9John----------------9-1Betty---------------1-4Robert------------4-10Jeff ---------------10-6

27.Brenda----------- 6-9Sam P----------- -9-1Jean-------------- 1-4Graham----------4-10Laurie------------10-6

28.Mark --------------6-9David J------------9-1Tom G------------1-5HAC-------------5-10Wade------------10-6

29.Maggie------------6-9Robert-------------9-1Central------------1-5J.W.G.------------5-10Kevin C.--------10-6

30.Peter---------------6-9Gary---------------9-1Steve A------------1-5C.P.H. -----------5-10GH----------------10-6

�1.Ronnie------------6-9Tom----------------9-1Cindy-------------1-5FTH--------------5-10Carol S----------10-6

Hotline Schedule/Donations

12 to Life ...............................................................$61.00Apopka Big Book .....................................................$40.00Bithlo Park ...........................................................$155.00Blue Bottoms ........................................................$100.00Conway .................................................................$20.00Dr Phillips ............................................................$236.52Greenhouse ..........................................................$100.00Happy Hour ..........................................................$150.00Hi Sobriety .............................................................$60.00Hope & Courage ......................................................$78.28Lake Underhill ........................................................$20.00Live Oaks .............................................................$100.00Living Sober ...........................................................$72.28Pass It On ......................................................... $1,400.00

Pink Clouds ............................................................$19.00Ponderosa ..............................................................$80.00Seagulls ..............................................................$120.00Sunset ...................................................................$39.00The Hope Group ....................................................$180.00Wake Up Call ...........................................................$76.72Wekiva Women’s....................................................$150.00Westlake Group .....................................................$117.00TOTAL GROUP DONATIONS: .................................... $3,374.80INDIVIDUAL DONATIONS:Anonymous/Anniversary ...........................................$30.00TOTAL INDIVIDUAL DONATIONS: ...................................$30.00

TOTAL DONATIONS: .............................................. $3,404.80

June 2009 Group Donations

The hotline is needing volunteers currently. If you’re interested in signing up to work the HOTLINE or to be a BACK UP for the hotline, please email or call Intergroup at

407-260-5822

Page 5: Not Alone Anymore - Alcoholics Anonymous · My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. ... Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial

Announcements/Events

5

August 2009

JuneFrom The hearT GroupCathy .........................2 YearsElizabeth B. ...............4 YearsEster C. ....................... 1 YearMary Ann H. ............7 YearsPaulette D. ..............18 YearsRoxanne G. .............24 YearsTerri B. .....................11 Years

Back To Basics GroupBOB C. ........................7 Years MEG F. .....................29 Years

JulyBack To Basics GroupJim L. ..........................� YearsLenny D. .................�7 Years

Friends For LiFe GroupScott W. ....................... 1 Year

Women in recovery GroupAmy- ........................... 1 YearHeather G- .................. 1 YearIraida- .......................... 2 YearCarol C.- .................... 20 YearDarlene G.- ................. 6 YearErin H.- ....................... 2 YearLaurie C.- ................... 1 YearDJ- ................................ 1 YearMichelle- ..................... 1 YearVictoria- .....................9 Years

The happy hour GroupLaura W. ......................1 Year.Alainia .........................1 Year.Judy S. ........................2 YearsAllie ............................4 YearsNorm ..........................6 YearsHillary ......................20 YearsJoe M. ....................... 22 Years

hope & couraGe GroupJose C. ..................... 21 YearsJim C. .......................11 YearsRon I. .........................2 Years

AugustWomen in recovery GroupCharlene M.- .............. 1 YearDeborah K.- ................ 1 YearMelissa- ....................... 1 Year

WinTer park GroupMichael M ................... 1 YearEddie ........................... 1 YearRobin D ....................... 1 YearDaniel C ...................... 1 YearLinda Y ........................ 1 YearPeggy L ......................2 YearsDave H .......................2 YearsJohn P .........................2 YearsAlex B .........................2 YearsCarlos A .....................2 YearsPeter S ........................2 YearsStephanie G ...............2 YearsJarrod B ......................2 YearsFrank N ......................2 YearsJames I ........................2 YearsJason F ........................2 YearsChris W ......................� YearsMike A ........................� YearsDiana C ......................� YearsWendy C ....................� YearsEric S ..........................� YearsGenevieve M .............� YearsRobert M ....................� YearsChantelle ...................� YearsBarbara H ..................� YearsReno M .......................� YearsPatrick T .....................� YearsAlicia W .....................� YearsKim L ..........................4 YearsJustin L .......................4 YearsStuart S .......................4 YearsJames V ......................4 YearsDebbie S .....................5 YearsMike M .......................6 YearsNancy J .......................6 YearsAndrea S ....................6 YearsJon B ...........................6 YearsGary O........................7 YearsBarry B .......................7 YearsDan P ........................14 YearsKathy A ....................17 YearsLuis F ........................18 YearsRich S........................18 YearsRick B .......................20 YearsJeffrey R ...................21 YearsDaniel W ..................22 Years

Three LeGacies GroupVickie L. ....................4 YearsRay B., .....................12 YearsVince S. ......................4 YearsErma ........................26 YearsDan V. ......................23 YearsJudy H. ....................27 Years

The LonGWood GroupRon S. ........................4 YearsKathy S. ...................21 YearsStephanie A. .............. 1 YearTom W. ....................10 YearsJeanne H. ................�8 YearsMark H. .....................4 YearsJudy S. .......................2 YearsJack B .......................30 YearsJames H. ..................22 YearsBob H. ......................22 YearsLou M. .....................26 Years

seaGuLLs GroupMark B........................2 Years

coLLeGe park TrianGLe GroupLisa B. .........................6 YearsRobert C. ....................2 Years

pass iT on GroupCherie W ..................... 1 YearJoan L .......................... 1 YearPete W ......................... 1 YearFrank E .......................5 YearsDanette B ...................� YearsDale A .........................7 YearsScott H ........................7 YearsLindsay M ...............11 YearsInnie L ......................15 YearsJack B ........................30 YearsJeanne H ..................�8 Years

aLTamonTe sprinGs GroupDoug F. .......................� YearsErica K. ....................11 YearsWarren O. ...............22 Years

cenTraL orLando GroupJim M. ..........................4 YearsJulie S. .......................17 YearsKathy T. .......................2 YearsVeronica A. ................... 10yrs Gypsy ........................27 Years

The homeGroupBuddy J. ...................... 1 Year

soBer Won GroupCharlotte C. ..............�� Years Henry J. ....................22 Years,Pat H. .......................18 Years,George B. .................1� Years,Debra W. ..................11 Years,Carol G. ......................7 Years,Randy N. ....................4 Years,Greg G. .......................� Years,Justin D. .....................� Years,Rick S. .........................2 Years,Charlotte U. ...............2 Years

neW hope GroupRobert W. ...................9 YearsGreg S. ......................11 Years

hope & couraGe GroupNicki H. ......................2 YearsAlbert Y. .....................4 YearsDebbie G. ...................8 Years

souTh sanFord GroupKevin C. ...................... 1 YearRandy N. ....................4 Years

The happy hour GroupCarroll ........................1 Year.Jackie ...........................1 Year.Pam C. ........................� YearsJack H. ........................4 YearsRon Z. .......................18 YearsAl V. ..........................21 YearsVick L. ......................24 Years

The Back-To-Basics GroupMark H. ......................4 Years

cLean air GroupGert G. .....................19 Years Ken C. ........................4 Years Jenifer W. ................10 Years Cindy G. .................... 1 Year Gail G. .......................2 Years Diane S. .....................� Years Patti M. ......................2 Years Joe P. ..........................1 Years Laura K. ....................1 Years Melissa Y. ..................7 Years Jack B. ......................30 Years Jonathan M. ............... 1 Year Debbie A. ..................1 Years

Anniversaries

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6

August 2009 Personal Stories

Life Was Simple When I was Five

So, What Happened?

(This story was handed to me in the parking lot at my home group by a friend

of the writer. The writer wished to be truly anonymous. I wish to thank the

writer for taking the time to give his story to the Intergrouper. I really enjoyed read-

ing it and I hope you will, too.)

I would grow up in the small town in which I lived. I would marry the girl next

door. More than likely, I would work in the mill. Everyone in town worked there. I would go to church, be a model citizen, and everyone would just love me. Well, it did not quite work out that way. The girl next door moved away. The mill closed down. I stopped going to church the day my mom said, “From now on, going to church will be up to you”. I became a model citizen all right. However, not in the way I had envisioned at the age of five.

By the time my adolescence had begun, I had developed very low self-esteem. I never measured up in my mind. How-ever, here is the kicker, I did not want you to find out. Remem-ber, model citizen and every-one must love me? Oh yeah, I was definitely starting out my search for the meaning of life with some deep underlying is-sues. These issues were glaring to the ones looking back. Is-sues I would carry for years to

come. Then came the most wonder-

ful day of my life, the day all those issues seemed to melt away. This tremendous over-whelming fear I walked around with on a daily basis suddenly subsided; I suddenly could do and be anything I choose. Did I happen to mention, this was also the day I consumed enough alcohol to experience intoxica-tion for the first time? I had ar-rived. I found the missing link. It was simply beautiful. Words came flowing out of my mouth like never before. Oh, I was fun-ny! I was very intelligent, much more outgoing and.. oh yes...the big one: I was not afraid of anyone or anything. Well, the next day I spent the better por-tion lying in a field and nurs-ing this most horrendous and throbbing headache coupled with hours of endless vomit-ing. I remembered not the next day’s sickness but the miracle of alcohol was something I would chase for years to come.

Over the next fifteen or eigh-teen years, I developed a love/hate relationship with this magical elixir. I used it to mask over my personality and cover up those obnoxious beliefs of being less than. I also used it to give me the false courage to meet life on life’s terms. A few drinks and through the won-ders of alchemy...POOF! I could create a new person. I could summon a person not cogni-zant of their lack of self worth,

a person unafraid to socialize or mingle with others.

There were a couple of small problems. The way I had in-tended to conduct my life and the way I was conducting my life could not have been any-more different. First, when the booze wore off, those damn in-secure feelings crept back into the fabric of what was the real me. Second, the consequences started to interfere with my dai-ly routine. Most of those same people I wanted to impress with my wit and vivacious per-sonality just wanted me to stay away. My happy and carefree joking, for the sake of making everyone laugh, had turned into spiteful snipes at people’s character. The booze was not doing its job. I was cutting my fellow man up to make myself feel better, but just like with the booze, the next day I felt no bet-ter. To cover up my continued failed behavior, drinking began to take on a completely new meaning. Every episode with the bottle began and ended the very same way. It began with the self-delusional concept “I need a drink!!” I am not go-ing to get drunk this time, just a couple to make me feel nor-mal. They ended with nothing but complete incomprehensible demoralization. More embarrass-ing episodes, more hurt family and friends and more broken promises to God and to the Uni-verse, and more dreams gone astray. These were the results of

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7

August 2009Personal Stories

my decision to pick up a drink. Nothing really changed ex-

cept the sheer desperation of the moment. Why is it that peo-ple just do not understand me? Why is everyone against me? Why does God keep letting me down? If you all would just let me drink the way I want to, ev-erything would be OK. I would be OK. If you loved me, you would understand. Just this once, just one more, I promise I will quit tomorrow. I promise.

As I stood in the abyss and looked around at my world, a world that had gotten very small, I began to get a realiza-tion of how I was actually con-ducting my life. I realized I was not serious when I asked God to help me with my drinking problem. I just wanted God to STOP THE PAIN! I did not want people to forgive me for my be-havior, I wanted the ability to change my behavior. I did not have anything at all against the people to whom I was attacking, both verbally and physically. I had come to hate myself. I had let my inability to cope with life on life’s terms, and my insidi-ous fear drive me into a never ending spiral downward.

This magic elixir, this alco-hol had never been what I had made it out to be. This potion that was to relieve my fear had robbed me of my youth. This fluid which was supposed to make me humorous and witty had turned me into a stranger to myself. I did not know who

I was and I did not know how I had arrived at such a morbid state of existence. I only knew one thing, I knew that this beer I was holding in my hand was not the answer. It was not the solution anymore. That beer was just going to continue this terrible journey. I did not in-tend to have just one or two. Moreover, after I had given in to the craving and had just one, I could no longer predict the out come. I did not know whom I would hurt this time. I did not know whom I might accost. I was running out of options.

It was at that moment I turned to the God I had turned to so many times before. Neverthe-less, this time something was different. This time I realized God had been there all along. This time I had my first epiph-any. God would help me. God just wanted me to do my part. God had at that moment given me all I needed to get started on a new journey and new way of living. God gave me the re-alization that taking the first drink was my choice.

In the fall of 1981, I joined Al-coholics Anonymous. I found out I was not unique. I was just one of many. The three basic shared characteristics of an alco-holic on page 123 in the Twelve and Twelve state us as being childish, emotionally sensitive and grandiose. These character-istics are not traits I am proud of, nor am I ashamed. It is a matter of acknowledging their

presence and I contain them to the best of my ability.

Why was that not in the school curriculum? To watch out and deal with a thousand forms of fear. Why didn’t my seventh grade teacher not mention any of this to me?

Not long after life in AA be-gan, I ceased asking “why” and I began to look for a solu-tion and quit focusing on the problem. I began to love those around me and I began to love myself. God has blessed me with a second chance, a chance to start over and another crack at living my life the way I had originally intended to live it.

In addition, today, people like me. Not ALL people like me, and that is not my concern. I like me and I do not behave the way I did through the use and abuse of alcohol. I started to put the code of AA to work in my life. If you do not know what the code is, as my spon-sor would say, “Look it up, it’s in the book”. God bless you all, may your journey in AA be as exciting and wonderful as mine has been. Oh yeah! One last thing, you do not have to be afraid anymore.

~AnonymousOrlando, Florida

Page 8: Not Alone Anymore - Alcoholics Anonymous · My inse-curities at my young age were already being supplemented by ego. It was all about me. ... Presentation will be held at 310 Colonial

Central Florida Intergroup283 Live Oaks Blvd. Bldg 6

Casselberry, FL 32707Hours: Monday - Friday 9:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.

Saturday: 10:00 A.M. to 2 P.M.Sunday: Closed

Phone: 407-260-5822 Fax: 407-260-5604 Hotline: 407-260-5408Email: [email protected] Website: www.cflintergroup.org

You Might Be An Alcoholic If:

...you loose your car at least once a week.

...you think alcohol abuse is spilling your drink.

...you buy your morning drink with a roll of pennies.

...on the way to the bathroom, someone’s always stepping on your hands.

...you don’t have any friends, just drinking buddies.

...you quit calling in sick. You let your wife do it.

...you pee in the kitchen sink while mixing another drink.

...selling beer cans seems like a weekly bonus.

...you celebrate getting out of jail by getting drunk.

...you decorate your Christmas tree with chains of beer tabs.

...no visit to a friend’s house is complete until you’ve puked on their carpet.

...your job is interfering with your drinking.

...the toilet seat keeps hitting you in the back of the head.

...you think the sun shining in your face is God’s flashlight telling you to get up and go home.

...you throw-up on purpose so you can hold more.

...it’s normal to drive with one eye shut so not to see double.

...you order a keg of beer for your kid’s first birthday party.

...you measure distance by how many beers it takes to get there.

...your main prayer is “God, get me out of this and I’ll never drink again”.

...you get the shakes so bad you could thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

...you think your only drinking problem is when you’re out.

...you are getting to the point that you’re thoroughly disgusting.