notes taken on the road to finding myself

8/2/2019 Notes Taken on the Road To Finding Myself

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Notes Taken on the Road toFinding Myself

By

Denise Gibel Molini

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 1997 by Denise G. Molini

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronicor mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by information storage and retrieval system

without permission in writing from the author.

ISBN #0-8059-4018-9

[email protected]


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Table of Contents

2I Found ....................................................................................................................................................

My Many Selves........................................................................................................................................

The Bottom Feels Safe ..............................................................................................................................

Would I Know ...........................................................................................................................................

Pieces Falling ............................................................................................................................................To Experience ............................................................................................................................................

Honest .......................................................................................................................................................

What Is Found ...........................................................................................................................................

When We Realize ......................................................................................................................................

Impossible .................................................................................................................................................

I AM ..........................................................................................................................................................

Wisdom .....................................................................................................................................................The Sun .....................................................................................................................................................

The Value Of A Gift...................................................................................................................................

Giving .......................................................................................................................................................

To Give .....................................................................................................................................................20

Hear ...........................................................................................................................................................

Enough ......................................................................................................................................................

Better Than ...............................................................................................................................................22The Road ...................................................................................................................................................23

Expectations ..............................................................................................................................................23

Variety .......................................................................................................................................................24

To Demand ................................................................................................................................................25

The Purpose ..............................................................................................................................................25

Enough ......................................................................................................................................................26

As We Become Older ................................................................................................................................27My Right ...................................................................................................................................................28

Hope ..........................................................................................................................................................29

Stay Yourself .............................................................................................................................................30

I Am Not Hopeless ....................................................................................................................................

Time ..........................................................................................................................................................32

To Live ......................................................................................................................................................33


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The Death Of The Willow ........................................................................................................................34

Do Not Love Me For My Success .............................................................................................................36

Unconditional Love ...................................................................................................................................37

This Is The Moment ..................................................................................................................................38

The Last Man ............................................................................................................................................39

The Thorns ................................................................................................................................................40

I Have Loved .............................................................................................................................................

I Wait .........................................................................................................................................................42

I Cannot Promise .......................................................................................................................................43

How Strange .............................................................................................................................................44

After The Sunset He Was Gone .................................................................................................................46

Passing Touch ............................................................................................................................................47

Except Me .................................................................................................................................................47

To Fill Your Heart.....................................................................................................................................48

Hardly Ever ...............................................................................................................................................49

The Answer ...............................................................................................................................................49

Too Busy ...................................................................................................................................................50

You taught Me ...........................................................................................................................................

The Beauty ................................................................................................................................................52

Run Away From Me ..................................................................................................................................53

There Was Joy ...........................................................................................................................................54

Tell Me ......................................................................................................................................................54

The loss of you ..........................................................................................................................................55

To Stay .......................................................................................................................................................55

I Gave My Heart ........................................................................................................................................56

I came with hope .......................................................................................................................................57

After You ...................................................................................................................................................58

Until I Love Myself ..................................................................................................................................59

A Friend ....................................................................................................................................................

In Touch .....................................................................................................................................................62

Your Friend ...............................................................................................................................................63


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Growth


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I Found

In pain

I found strength

In liesI found truth

In deceit

I found trust

In being lost

I found my way

And in being rejected

I found

Myself


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My Many SelvesWithin me liveThe many selves

Who passed

My many years

Each self has Her story

And each self has Her tears

Each self had Her glory

Each self had Her fears

Each self had a burning need

Each self has a reason

Each self had a call to heed

Each self had a seasonNot just one

But each of me

Make up my special song

I wont reframe

Or change

One thing

Of all that Made me Strong


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The Bottom Feels Safe

On the bottom

No falling

On the bottom

No failing

On the bottom

No losing

On the bottom Nothing


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Would I KnowWould I today know

I could love

Without the me Who sought it?

Would I today

Survive the loss

Without the me Who lost it?

Would I believe

The thingsI know

Without the me Who learned them?

And would I have

The things

I do

Without the me Who earned them?

Each part of me

Has done Her best

To travel down

Her road

And with each One Within my soul

I bare No heavy load


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Pieces Falling

I cant seem to keep it straight

Or hold it in one piece

Draining all my energy

I look for a release

Pieces falling all around

I cant keep them in place

People pulling from all sidesI need a quiet space

Im in so much pain, I feel

So tight I cant unwind

Trying to please everyone

And failing every time

I just feel so lost inside

I dont know where to go

I look around for answers

That I think I ought to know

The only place I havent tried

Is searching deep within

Perhaps the answers waiting there

I might as well begin


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To Experience

Our ability

To experience joy

Is only limited

By our willingness

To experience

Pain


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Honest

It is not

my conscience

which keeps me

honest

it ismy memory


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What Is FoundWhat is found in moving

Will bring change

What is found in seeking

Will bring knowledge

What is found in resting

Will bring contemplation

What is found in risking

Will bring growth

And

What is found when patient

Will bring understanding


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When We Realize

When we realize that we are not God

And the only God is perfect

When we realize our minuteness

And forgive our fallibility

When we accept our imperfectionsAnd forgive our humanness

When we reject what pleases us

For a moment

And seek what fulfills us

For a lifetime

When we realize that we do not need love

For we ARE

LOVE

We will find our greatest joy

Will be realized


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ImpossibleImpossible

Is really only

That which has not yet

Been achieved


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I AMI am

Every miracle

Extends

From that

Wisdom

Wisdom comes

With age

Because it is

The byproduct

Of redundant experience


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The Sun

I saw the sun

Before I

Entered the tunnel

But I only felt it

After I

Emerged

The Value Of A GiftThe value of

A gift

Lies not only inThe intent

Of the one who gives

But also in the

Perception

Of the one

Who receives


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GivingThere is an

Inexplicable joy

In giving

A high

Without comparison

Perhaps it is

The most selfish

Thing I doFor myself


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To GiveThere are two

Inseparable steps

In giving

First to extend

And then

To release


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Hear

The ears

Will never listen

To what

The heartWont hear

Enough

I haveEnough

When I have

Enough

To share


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Better ThanWhy is it that manFinds his value

In being better than

Instead of

in just

being


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The Road

Hell is an

Amusement park

Compared to

The road to enlightenment

ExpectationsThe only thing

I ever truly failed at

Was in living up to

My own expectations


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VarietyHow contradictory

That we would not consider

An orchid imperfect

Because it is not a rose

And

We would not consider

An oak imperfect

Because it is not a willow

That we love

The variety of Gods gardens But we cannot accept

The variety in

Gods children


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To DemandTo demand that the worldBe fair to you

Is a demand

That cannot be met

But to demand that you yourself

Be fairTo the world

Is one that can be

Attained

The PurposeWhat is the purpose

Of the destination

If not

To cause

The journey


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EnoughI am not sure

If more is better

I am, however

Sure, it is never

Enough


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As We Become OlderAs we become older

Happiness

Becomes more attainable

Because it is less specific

Almost

Becomes more acceptable

Because it is more realistic

Life

Becomes more livable because we have less expectationsAnd joy

Can finally be found

Because we are to look inside


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My RightI have a right

To dislike you

I have a right

To disapprove of you

I even have a right

Not to associate with you

But I have no rightTo hurt you


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HopeThere is no light

As brilliant

As the light

Of hope

And no darkness

As fearsome

As whereThere is none


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Stay YourselfTake pride in what you achieveBut do not become the achievement

Feel joy for those you love

But do not become them

For all achievements are replaced

By newer onesAnd the loss of those you love

Will be the loss of yourself

Make your plans with conviction

But not without flexibility

For life destroys that which

Will not bend

Share yourself

But do not give yourself

For once given

You are no more


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I Am Not HopelessIf I am not Godless

I am not homeless

If I am not faithless

I am not hopeless


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Time

Time diminishes

The most profound

Reality

And expands

The most unlikelyPossibility


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To Live

To live

We must learn

To learn

We must grow

To grow

We must move

To move

We must let goTo let go

We must trust


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The Death Of The Willow

The death

Of the willow

Is not the fault

Of the oak

In whose shadow

It grows


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Love


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Do Not Love Me For My Success

Do not love me for my success

For I will fear failure

Do not love me for my beauty

For I will fear time

Do not love me for my wisdom

For I will fear error

Do not love me for my smile

For I will fear my tearsLove me for my living

And you have freed me

From fear


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Unconditional Love

Unconditional loveIs neither

Given

Nor

Received

It is a state

Of being

Which emanates

From within

And out to all

Around you

It is a breath

Of freedom

For those prepared

To receive it

And an

Addictive drug

For those

Who seek

To possess it


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This Is The Moment

This may not be the time

This may not be the place

But somehow

This is the moment

As in a dream, which

Cannot be recalled

Yet

Cannot be erased

We journeyed

Too far

To return

To fast

To comprehend

To tentatively

To remain

And too profoundly

To leave


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The Last Man

You were

The last man i

Would have chosenThe last man i

Could have wanted

The last man

I would have noticed

The last man

Ill ever love


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The Thorns

Love isA rose

That cannot

Be held

Without first

Feeling the pain

Of it s

Thorns


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I Have Loved

I have lovedMore than I choose to remember

I have lost

More than I choose to accept

I have received

More than I believed I deserved

And I have given

More than I believed I had


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I Wait

I wait for him to come

Who will

Accept me

Without change

Love me

Without limit

Travel me

Without fear

And forever me

Without time


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I Cannot Promise

I cannot promise I will stay

For someday I must go

I promise you I will not change

But not that I wont grow

I promise you the here and now

And all that it contains

I promise you that brilliant Sun

But only till it rains

I love you with the love I need

And that I give your free

But I cannot give you happiness

Unless you want to be

I promise I will give the truth

At least, the truth I know

And I will pray that knowing this

Wont make you want

To go


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How Strange

How strange

That I only realized

How much more

I could have

Loved

When I realized

How much moreI could have

Suffered


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Letting Go and moving on


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After The Sunset He Was Gone

After the sunset

he was gone

into the night

end of song

but oh the sunrise

truly shone

when he said,Youre not alone

How my throbbing heart

Would beat

When I would hear

His coming feet

What horizons did

He show

Such explosions

I did know

After the sunset

He was gone

But in my soul

The day shines on


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Passing Touch

We were two

Ships that touched

In passing

But though we passed

The touch

Remains

Except Me

I seem to be able

to get rid of

everything

in my life

that you touched

except

me


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To Fill Your Heart

I hope that

One day

Trying

To fill your heart

Stops

EmptyingMine


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Hardly Ever

I hardly ever

Think about you

anymore

I only think

About you

When I am

Awake

The Answer

The answer

To why

I lost you

Lies

In the place

Where I left

Me


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Too Busy

Between watching

The phone

Staring at

Your picturesAnd remembering

Every word

And every movement

That we shared

I have been

So busy

I havent had time

To Forget

You


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You taught Me

You taught me

To love

Without fear

To giveWithout loss

To grow

Without limit

To fly

Without wings

You taught me

To let go

When need

Was the only reason

To hold on


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The Beauty

I hope the beauty

Of what we are

Retains its richness

When it becomes

The pain

Of what

We were


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Run Away From Me

Run away from me and the hurt that I cause

The love I can give is covered with flaws

Build on the things that you yet may not see

Build on a life that wont include me

Dont be a keeper protecting my soul Dont try to fix what you cannot make whole

You deserve much more than I can give now

I wish I could l ove you but I dont know how

You are so special and precious to me

The best I can give you is to set you free

Im sorry I hurt you it wasnt my goal

But I know I used you to try to feel whole

Ill turn my back now, so please run away

For it I can catch you, I will make you stay

You cant make me love you the way you should be

For I cant love anyone until I love me


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There Was Joy

There was joy

In loving you

Pain

In hold you

Fear

In losing you

And strengthIn surviving you

Tell Me

Tell me there is a chance

And I will keep trying

Tell me there is a way

And I will keep looking

Tell me it will come

And I will keep waiting

Tell me nothing

And I will keep going


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The loss of you

I hope that

The loss

of you

Never outweighs

The

Experience

Of you

To Stay

The only thing that

Scares me

Is that your will

To hold on

Is not as strong

As your need

To push away


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I Gave My HeartI gave my heart

He took my soul

And here I stand

An empty holeWhat will he do

With all thats me

Destroy my dreams

Or Set me free

With nothing but

An empty shell

My eyes see God

My feet touch hell

Hes too afraid to run away

He cannot hide

He cannot stay

What can I do

To make him see

There is no price

In loving me

It hurts much more

To let us goWhen I just want

To see us grow

What can I do

But sit and wait And hope

He doesnt learn Too late


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I came with hope

I came withHope

I stayed with

Love

I leave

With

Acceptance


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After You

After you

To feel meant painAfter pain

To feel meant fear

After fear

To feel meant courage

After courage

To feel meant acceptance

After acceptance

To feel meant living


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Until I Love Myself

Until I love myself

I can only mistrust youUntil I find my way

I can only mislead you

Until I see myself

I can only deceive you

Until I love myself

I can only hurt you

And until I accept myself

I can only lose you


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Friends

There is No Greater Love Than That Of A True Friend And No Greater Friend Than One WhoIs Also A Lover


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A FriendA friendIs the one

Who stays with you

When even you

Would leave yourself


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In TouchA friend is one

You do not need

To be near

To be

In touch with


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Your FriendYour friend is one

Who speaks

The words you need

To hear

And hears the wordsYou fear

To speak

notes taken on the road to finding myself

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