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!!!!!!!!!!! Home Management During Stressful Seasons of Life by Charlotte Siems Published in the United States of America by: This Lovely Place with Charlotte Siems http://ThisLovelyPlace.com Email: Charlotte@CharlotteSiems.com Copyright 2011 by Charlotte Siems. All Rights Reserved. Cover image owned by ©Melissa Vaughan Portraits. www.melissaVportraits.com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this e-book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any informational storage or retrieval system without express written, dated and signed permission from the author. "#$%&''&()!&'!*$+),#-!.($!,/#!$#0&1&#),!,(!1$&),!+!0(12!.($!,/#&$!(3)!1#$'()+4!5'#6!!!

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“Oh normal day, let me be aware of the treasure that you are.”

This quote came to mind more than once over the years as life happened and we found ourselves in an unusually stressful time of life. Sometimes it seems like life is falling apart when illness, hospitalization, the death of a loved one, a household move, holidays or other disruptions to the normal routine occur. No family is immune to the stress created by circumstances, whether those circumstances are joyful or sad, surprise or planned.

“Jane went back into the kitchen to the inexorable tasks that death has no power, even for a day, to blot from existence. He can stalk through dwelling after dwelling,leaving despair and desolation behind him, but the table must be laid, the dishes washed, the beds made, by somebody.” Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin

Before Crisis Hits One of the best defenses against household meltdown during a stressful time is an ongoing routine before the crisis. Some form of a regular home management routine keeps things humming along in smaller increments so that the unwashed and the undone don’t pile up into an overwhelming mountain. Tools such as chore charts in various forms are helpful, especially for people who like the satisfaction of checking things off a list. Checklists give you (and others) hope that the work has an ending point. Lists specify a set of steps to completion and they eliminate excuses of “I didn’t know.” These chore tools can take various forms:

• Pocket chart – homemade or store-bought, these are especially

helpful for young children who like the physical act of moving a card. For years I made them out of a piece of sturdy cardboard with envelopes (sealed and cut in half and attached to the cardboard) to hold index cards with pictures. There was a “to do” and a “done” card holder for each child. Cards for little ones included things like “brush teeth,” and “get dressed” because cards eliminated the need for a dozen reminders from Mom. Multiply reminders by several children and you have a recipe for stress.

• Chore List – This is simply a list of each chore and the details

for what it takes to get it done. This can take the form of pages in sheet protectors posted on the refrigerator or checklists in a 3-ring binder. I don’t know about you, but none of my boys would dream of scrubbing a kitchen sink if it wasn’t written on the list. Sit down with the family and get their input on the lists—they might surprise you with their insights.

• Chore Teams – Depending on the size of your family, you can

divide the workers into teams and even name them. One of our teams was once called The Blue Acorns (named by a four-year-old). Teams rotate through chore assignments and switch every week or two. We tried switching every day until we realized that chores were being left undone because after all, someone else would do it tomorrow. We now switch every two weeks because it allows for training in consistency and skills.

For more on children helping around the house to lighten the household load, see Children Doing Chores: A Simple Approach to Making Your Home Harmonious (and Tidy!). When Life is Falling Apart If crisis hits and things are in an uproar, you still have to take time to make a plan. You may have to do it while sitting in a hospital room or a parking lot, but the plan is crucial to home management survival. Sketch out YOUR essentials. The must-do’s are actually pretty much the same for everyone:

1. General pickup of the house 2. Laundry kept somewhat current 3. Meals 4. Kitchen cleanup 5. Bathroom maintenance

Notice that this list does not include dusting or baseboard scrubbing, because those duties are not important during times when you’re just glad to survive. Figure out what is important to you to calm your spirit and help you feel like things are in good order at home. Daily vacuuming is essential to me as part of the “general pickup of the house” because we have eight people or more living at our house on a daily basis. You might feel the need for an unspotted bathroom mirror or neatly folded towels. Just don’t keep adding things to the list until the list itself becomes a source of stress. Keep it simple—just the basics. What can you reasonably live with?

Keep the Essentials Simple Map out a simple plan to deal with your essentials. Think ahead. Remember what a disaster it is to get ready to go somewhere and realize that no one has clean underwear. Relive the drama of opening the refrigerator in the morning to find an empty spot where milk is supposed to be. Figure out simple ways to avoid these scenarios ahead of the game. Here are some ideas to work through the list of essentials:

• Write a simple menu plan for suppers and use it to make a grocery list. Fish sticks and frozen pizza may be a temporary solution, and it beats the drive-thru window in terms of cost and routine at home.

• Have an assortment of cold cereal and do-it-yourself lunches to

cut down on meal planning. One hot meal a day will be enough.

• Keep everyone’s clothes in separate laundry baskets. This eliminates sorting little socks and look-alike underwear. It’s no crime to wash it all together, whites and colored in cold water. Put it back in the basket and give it to the basket owner to put away.

• Keep bathroom cleaning supplies in the bathroom, not in a

cabinet across the house. This goes for other cleaning supplies, even if you have to buy more than one set of supplies. Convenience is a key to get it done.

Simplify Your Schedule Make every effort to simplify the schedule and the commitments. What can be postponed or put on hold during this season of life? Think about your family’s priorities. One family might find that piano lessons and art classes can be put off without ill effect. Another family might consider these activities non-negotiable. What is realistic for the situation? If Mom is the only one of driving age and she is caring for the sick family member, more activities need to be cut than if the family has two driving teenagers and a Dad with a flexible schedule.

We have found that maximizing time at home for everyone, especially little ones, eases the stress of major life events. Regular naps and time for reading aloud to small children who are feeling the family’s emotional stress can help create a feeling of peace and routine in an upside-down world. Stay Aware of Your Thoughts Examine your thought processes when stressful situations hit. Do you immediately feel anxiety? Do you give yourself permission to go a little crazy or get irritable with those around you? Remaining calm and controlled will go a long ways towards reassuring your family. Thinking only of your own inconvenience or extra duties, and of how the situation affects you, can take you down a road of despair and discouragement.

Take a moment to think it through. How can the changes caused by the unexpected events be handled? Sit down with someone and walk though things step by step. You will probably find that most of it can be dealt with. Perhaps you are creating anxiety because it is a habit of thinking that feels familiar.

Detach from what’s going on. Ask yourself: What is actually real? What IS…right now? Think about it critically, without emotion. From there you will be in a better place to make a plan and assess the effects on your home and family. Life Happens Fortunately, most of the time, life runs on the rails of ordinary days. We have our schedules and to-do’s, and the household chores and children’s activities keep us predictably busy. But everyone experiences life events, expected or unexpected, that throw off the routine and cause stressful situations. Meanwhile, laundry waits for no one. Your family has a way of getting hungry even though you just fed them a few hours ago. No matter what crisis hits, home management must go on. Having some systems in place before life events definitely helps, but even if you face a crisis feeling unprepared, it’s not too late to get a handle on the situation. Think through your essentials and make a plan. It doesn’t have to be perfect but it does have to get done. Simplify your schedule. Stay aware of your thoughts and emotions, and don’t let them run away with you. You’ve got enough to handle without creating unnecessary anxiety.

The key is to keep things simple and functional so that you can focus your attention on the current situation. The feeling that things are at least manageable at home can go a long ways toward lowering your stress level during a time of unusual circumstances.

About the Author Charlotte Siems is grateful to be a happy wife and mother of twelve children, ages 5-29, six of whom still live at home in Oklahoma. She has three grandchildren (so far). She has homeschooled her children for over 25 years and she considers herself a perpetual student of organization and home management. After many years of being overweight (and tired), Charlotte found the T-Tapp workout system and began her transformation from a sluggish size 22W to an energetic size 6. In 2008 Charlotte received her certification as a Certified Fitness Trainer. She was personally certified by Teresa Tapp as a T-Tapp Trainer in 2009 at Safety Harbor, Florida. For a free guide “Five Tips to Fit in Fitness (When You Don’t Have Time)”, go to Charlotte’s website, Renew You with Charlotte Siems at http://charlottesiems.com. Charlotte also writes on home life at This Lovely Place: Creating a Beautiful Home Life with Charlotte Siems at http://thislovelyplace.com, where you will find resources on home management, family life, making memories, holidays and marriage.