by Douglas Eby

This is a widely used - and fun - image

for "self-esteem" programs. Wanting

to be a "better" version of who we are

can be inspiring - but is it helpful to

view ourselves unrealistically?

"The reputation you have with yourself – your self-esteem – is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life."

Psychologist Nathaniel Branden

Comparing ourselves to others may erode how we appreciate our own qualities.

Winning sports, art or academic awards can help boost our

self-esteem.

But saying "Everyone will win a trophy just for entering” !

or !“The valedictorian will be chosen

by lottery” !!

and similar strategies to boost self-esteem that discount real merits and differences do not

enhance a healthy self concept.

A true Valedictorian: Bianca Phillips

We all need a healthy self-concept, but self-esteem may be challenging

for many creative people.

John Lennon once said: "Part of me suspects

that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks

I’m God Almighty."

“You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a

movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway...’”

Meryl Streep

Jonathan Safran Foer about his novel "Everything Is Illuminated,"

which made The New York Times best-seller list:

"I convince myself I’m fooling people or they like the book for

the wrong reasons.”

Those fraud or impostor feelings are one form of unhealthy self-esteem. Valerie Young, Ed.D. is an

expert on it and commented: !

“Millions of people, from entrepreneurs to celebrities, have a hard time internalizing their accomplishments.”

Valerie Young suggests steps for matching perceptions to reality, including: !

"Enjoy your successes and acknowledge praise when it comes your way." !

"Resist the impulse to deny and deflect compliments."

Learn more about her program: Overcome the Impostor Syndrome

Kate Winslet has admitted that before going off to a movie shoot, she

sometimes thinks “I’m a fraud, and they’re going to fire me… I’m fat; I’m ugly.”

Highly creative and talented people are, according to research on giftedness, often

susceptible to perfectionism and unreasonably high standards and expectations that can lead to exaggerated criticism, and unhealthy self-esteem.

Tama J. Kieves, an honors grad from Harvard Law School, now author and coach, writes:

!"When I was anorexic, I'd look in the mirror, and while I was a tiny slip of a thing, I'd see a huge

woman, a woman who had blown up overnight because she'd had five french fries.

"When it comes to success, I have reverse anorexia. I look at substantial accomplishments and see thin, flimsy achievements, sure

to vanish if you blink."

For links and more material, see related article :

Nurturing Our Self-Esteem - Part 1

Publication by: !Douglas Eby, M.A./Psychology -

writer, researcher and online publisher on creativity and

personal growth. !

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