Of all animals the boy is the most unmanageable.Plato

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Fred Astaire

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

Clarence S. Darrow

Some Statistics on the ages that males make life changes:

1958 1998 2002 2015

Leave School 16 17 17 19

Leave Home 18 24 26 29

Marry 20 27 31 33

Become a Father 21 28 32 35

6

Boys and girls must learn:To Be

To Know

To Do

To Live TogetherLearning: The Treasure Within UNESCO

All learning has an emotional base Plato

GFC

US – 80% of jobs lost are male

Aus – 100 000 full time male jobs lost

26 500 female jobs created

Copyright I. Lillico 2009 7

8

General Intelligence (G)

Cold (IQ) Hot (EQ) Financial (FQ) Verbal Emotional Spatial Social Abstract Practical

Regulate Understand Assimilate Perceive Express

Understanding Responsibility Competence Enterprise

Humourous Physical Energy Straight- talkingTechnically competent Risk takers Impulsive

Spontaneous Team orientedCompetitive

Keen sense of justice Loud Curious Minimalist Caring Love games Hands On Logical Love

stories Affectionate Like structure Social Loyal Mimics

Imaginative Task Orientated LiteralExtroverts Hungry Predictable

Vain Helpful Smart

Fair Honest Energetic Tough exterior Soft underneath Sensitive

Independent Heroic Forgiving

Like a Challenge Creative Tactile Hate to lose Love to win Sporty

• Biology

• Environment

• The groups they belong to

• Move with them Supporting Our Sons in Schools

Motivating Boys

Share the household tasks and use a roster

Help him to plan TV, homework and recreation programs

Encourage him to plan and execute major projects

Have him assume greater responsibility for his personal hygiene

Play a game with adult Physical activity Art / Cooking

Read Be read to Project research

Teach parents something HOUSEWORK Use computer you were taught for work

Meditation / Spiritual Shopping Cultural / Music Relaxation (Financial Literacy) Practice

Copyright I. Lillico 2003 29

Helpful praise comes in two parts

1. The adult describes with appreciation what they see or feel

2. The child (after hearing the description) is then, able to praise himselfThis is called descriptive praise and feelings of doubting the praiser, immediate denial, being threatened, focussing on your weaknesses, anxiety and manipulation disappearSumming up in a word - another form of this praise “You said you’d be home at 5 and it’s exactly 5 o’clock. That’s what I call punctuality”

“You noticed the hanging pots were dry and watered them. That’s what’s known as taking initiative” 16Copyright Dr I Lillico 2011

Assertiveness

Caring

Cleanliness

Compassion

Confidence

Consideration

Courage

Courtesy

Creativity

Detachment

Determination

Enthusiasm

Excellence

Faithfulness

Flexibility

Forgiveness

Moderation

Modesty

Obedience

Orderliness

Patience

Peacefulness

Prayerfulness

Purposefulness

Reliability

Respect

Responsibility

Reverence

Friendliness

Generosity

Gentleness

Helpfulness

Honesty

Honour

Humility

Idealism

Joyfulness

Justice

Kindness

Love

Loyalty

Mercy

Self-Discipline

Service

Steadfastness

Tact

Thankfulness

Tolerance

Trust

Trustworthiness

Truthfulness

Unity

Silence is often an excellent way of letting the boy find his own solutions rather than us imposing ours - help them to problem solve

Resist the temptation to make better instantly

Instead of giving advice continue to accept and reflect the child’s feelings

Helping parents/teachers deal with negative feelings

Adults need cleanliness, order, courtesy, routine…..

Children couldn’t care less!

The more intense we become - the more actively they resist

WE USE:

1. Blaming and accusing - How many times do I have to tell you…

2. Name calling - You live like an animal!

3. Threats - Touch that lamp once more and...

4. Commands - Clean up your room this minute!

5. Lecturing and moralizing - When I was your age….

6. Warnings - Put on your jumper or you’ll catch a cold

7. Martyrdom statements - You’re putting me in my grave

8. Sarcasm - That was a brilliant thing to do!

9. Prophecy - If you keep being selfish you’ll have no friends

Instead to engage cooperation we should………...

1. Describe: Describe what you see or describe the problem: The light’s on in the bathroom

2. Give information: Milk turns sour out of the fridge

3. Say it with a word: Kids, pyjamas…..Billy, the dog…..

4. Talk about your feelings (“I” message): It bothers me when you leave the fridge door open!

5. Write a note: Please put toys away after play…love Mum

These leave no residue of bad feelings

It is important to be authentic and if you don’t succeed first time don’t revert to the old way

• Quality time

• Physical touch

• Gifts

• Words of affirmation

• Acts of service

1. Ask questions

2. Experiment

3. Observe

The narrowing of emotions is based on chronological age

Boys Don’t Cry 7

No soft feelings 10/11

Laughter and Anger ONLY

14-16

Recommendation 24

Parents should only send positive texts and emails to their children on a regular basis.

• ADHD

• Autism

• CAPD

• ODD

• Bipolar

• Family dysfunction

• Bullying

• Others

• Crabbing

• Fishing

• Bushwalking

• Hiking

• Water sports

• Camping

• etc

Recommendations 17 & 20

E. T. Finding Neverland

October Sky Harry Potter Series

Mr Holland’s Opus Emperors Club

Tootsie The Sum of Us

Mrs Doubtfire The Karate Kid 1 & 2

Stand By Me The Neverending Story

Jack The Secret Garden

Frequency Finding Forrester

About a Boy Billy Elliot

Superman 1-4 Searching for Bobby Fischer

LEARNING IS VERY DIFFICULT

Biddulph “Boys learn teachers, and not subjects”

• If the student / teacher relationship is poor or;

• If the boy thinks his teacher doesn’t like him

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary

raw material, but warmth is a vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.”

Carl Jung

Encourage him to assume non gender typical tasks such as child care, washing or ironing

Expose your son to a number of different jobs

Encourage him to participate in a range of sports, clubs etc but NOT TOO MANY!

Have your son take care of a pet

To help him with his increasing autonomy watch out for too many “NO”s

• Give information (and leave out the NO)

Child: Can I go to Peter’s to play now?

Adult: We’re having dinner in 5 minutes

• Accept feelings

Child: I don’t want to go home yet - can’t we stay?

Adult: It’s hard to leave a place you enjoy so much

• Describe the problem

Child: Can you drive me to the library now?

Adult: I’d like to but the electrician is coming in 30 mins

• When possible substitute “yes” for “no”

Child: Can we go to the playground? Adult: Yes - straight after lunch

• Give yourself time to think

Child: Can I sleep over at Gary’s house? Adult: Let me think about it

LISTEN

LOVE &

LAUGHTER

PRAISE

1. Please be firm with me, without hitting – This will allow me to know where I stand

2. Please don’t worry when I say I hate you - It is not you I hate it is what you stand for; an adult, wiser, older etc

3. Please don’t spoil me – I know I am not allowed to have all that I ask for. I don’t want to grow up selfish

4. Please don’t embarrass me in front of others – take me somewhere away from the group and talk to me

5. Don’t worry about my small complaints, my silly or clever replies – the only reason I do this is to get attention

6. Please try to understand that I can’t explain myself as well as I would like – sometimes it appears I am lying, but I am really just being inaccurate

7. Please don’t nag – if you do I go dumb, deaf and stupid

8. I have lots of worries about the future – please don’t tell me that my fears are silly – they are very real to me

9. I feel close to you when you apologize to me – you are proving that you are treating me as a human

10. Please remember I am trying to grow up – A little hug now and then won’t go astray!