American Bar Association Section of Family Law

2014 Spring CLE Conference

Old and New Solutions in High Conflict Custody Cases Friday, May 9, 2014

Speakers: Bryan Altman Craig Treneff, Esq.

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OLD AND NEW SOLUTIONS IN HIGH CONFLICT CUSTODY CASES

By Craig P. Treneff, Esq.

Craig P. Treneff Law Office

155 Commerce Park Drive, Suite 5

Westerville, Ohio 43082-8384

ctreneff@treneff.com

614-891-4230

866-829-0717 Toll Free

www.treneff.com

1. Introduction

a. Signs of a high conflict custody case. In as many as ten percent of all cases

involving divorcing parents, the conflict continues seemingly intractably. Signs of

the high conflict case are many:

Despite previous litigation and court intervention, the parental conflict

between them continues unabated.

The continuing and protracted litigation over custody and/or parenting

time burdens the family.

Often allegations of parental alienating or programming behaviors are a

major element of the case.

Non-compliance with prior court orders.i

Counsel and courts know these cases as “frequent flyers” that consume a

disproportionate amount of judicial resources, frequently with minimal resolution

of the core issues between the parties. Typically, the parents in conflict tend to be

more preoccupied with their own identity reconstruction and appear unable to

move forward in their own lives; they stay stuck in a “blame game” with each

other and fail to keep their children’s needs at the forefront and to provide the

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necessary emotional support needed by the children.ii Many of these parents make

grandiose statements such as “my child is my life” all the while behaving in ways

that contribute to developmental and emotional issues for the children who are

allegedly the focus of their lives. The parental adjustment to changed relationships

resulting from the divorce should take a year and half to two years but in the case

of the high conflict case, the parental conflict never really resolves and continues

on.iii

b. Consequences of a high conflict custody case on children. The impact of such

cases on the children of high conflict parents is significant and long-lasting.

Security for children is based upon feeling protected by his or her parents.

Exposure of the children to the continued conflict is a major stressor for the

children involved and may result, depending upon the age and vulnerability of a

given child, in:

Feelings of depression, anxiety, obsessive worry.

Lowered academic performance.

Acting-out behaviors such as aggressiveness, poor conduct, or

disobedience.

Problems with concentration and attention.

Difficulty with emotional regulation.

Sleep-related problems.

Resentment of authority.

Inability to adapt to new situations.

Sexual acting out.

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Drug and alcohol use.

Lowered self-esteem or loss of identity.

Problems with peers, parents, teachers, or extended family.iv

Approximately one third of parents have significant difficulty in adjusting to

divorce and about five to ten percent never adjust.v The anger and distrust,

inability to communicate, and, sometimes, verbal and physical abuse of these

parents, contribute to a high rate of clinical disturbances in these children, who

may also suffer from intimacy issues in their own marriages later in life.vi

The consequences manifest in different ways at different ages. Infants sense

the emotional instability of their parents and may experience irritability, change in

eating habits, increases in crying and fussiness, and sleep-related problems.vii

Toddlers may show regression in their behavior, increased tantrums, and

developmental delay. Their ability to learn self-soothing skills may be reduced.viii

Elementary school children, especially when they are used as messengers between

the parents, may develop manipulative behaviors necessary to survival in the

parental caldron, which deprives them of appropriate development of peer

development, independence, and school adjustment.ix Often older elementary

school children, thinking in black or white terms, choose sides between parents

which leave them vulnerable to becoming alienated from a parent, may see

deterioration in academic performance, and, may become extremely angry.x

Adolescent reaction to parental stress may result in anti-authority behavior, anger

toward parents, and, school truancy. Alternatively, the adolescent may take on an

inappropriate quasi-parental role for the emotionally paralyzed parent. This results

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in poor modeling for future interpersonal relationships.xi High levels of continuing

conflict between these parents present a multitude of problems for the children

they profess to love above all, consequences that may shape the adult lives of

these children.

c. Challenges for counsel and court. High conflict custody cases present enormous

challenges for all involved, counsel for the parties, guardians ad litem, magistrates

and judges, and mental health professionals. Practical solutions are needed—as

resistant as the highly conflicted parents are to any solution. For counsel, the

challenge is successful representation of individuals whose unresolved emotional

issues with an ex-spouse are the fuel for the litigious fire. We all want to

accomplish the reasonable goals of our clients but we have to be mindful that such

clients threaten excessive use of judicial resources and endanger the emotional

growth of the children involved. Often, a successful outcome in court does little to

address the underlying issues between the parties and can lead to “stalking by

litigation.” Guardians ad Litem, seeking to make recommendations that address

the best interest of children, look for solutions that will reduce the stress and

dysfunction for their wards. Fact finders, too, face the difficulty of making orders

that actually improve the parenting condition and reduce the conflict and the

likelihood of future litigation. Mental health professionals, tasked with the job of

addressing the core emotional conflicts of the litigating parents, need judicial

results that provide a better foundation for their therapeutic approaches. All of us

involved in the family law system need better tools to attempt to address the

inherent difficulty of such cases, regardless of the prospect of ultimate success.

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2. Parallel Parenting

a. What is parallel parenting? High conflict parents have communication and

cooperation patterns which feed the conflict. They continue the hostility that

began during the marriage; they have differing perceptions of child-rearing roles;

they have differing perceptions of how to parent; they display a concern about the

adequacy of the other parent’s parenting ability; there may be an unwillingness to

accept the end of the marriage; and, there may be jealousy over a new partner of

the other parent.xii

The first step in reducing the level of conflict is for the parents to

disengage from each other. This disengagement requires the creation of strong

boundaries between the parents in order to maintain a healthy separation.xiii The

separation of the parents is necessary to move the co-parenting into a more neutral

zone. The parents learn to parent with a reduction or elimination of conflictual

communication and have space to disengage from each other. Hence, the term

“parallel parenting” which connotes that the parents engage in their own parenting

styles independent of the other parent.

Communication between high conflict parents tends to address a personal

agenda unconnected to the actual parenting issues. Physical exchanges of the

children are an opportunity for demeaning attacks on the other parent. The parents

jump immediately into the exchange with a demand or hostile question to the

other parent; parents will hold a child in a vehicle until the precise second called

for by the parenting plan before turning the child over to the waiting parent; a new

significant other may make excessive displays of affection toward the children in

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order to provoke the waiting parent—the examples are endless. Verbal

communication by phone may include obscenities and rehashing of interpersonal

issues, putting the children on to hear the call, and staged calls while recording it

to create evidence, etc. Written emails and texts can continue the same patterns

and may be shown to the children. Moreover, the opportunity for excessive

emailing, texting and calling can create a traumatic response in the recipient who

feels constantly under attack.

The starting point, then, in parallel parenting is minimization of the direct

contact between the parents at exchanges. This can be accomplished in a variety

of ways. Base the exchange schedule as much as possible around unilateral pick-

ups, i.e., the child is picked-up from school, daycare, or a neutral party as opposed

to a direct exchange between the fighting parents. If that is not possible, then the

potential for hostile exchanges between parents can be reduced by neutral places

for exchanges in public such as the widely used McDonalds. If an exchange is

necessary at a parent’s home, require the parent at home to remain in the

residence and the transporting parent to remain in the vehicle, preferably at the

end of a driveway as opposed to being on the other parent’s property. In extreme

circumstances, exchanges may be necessary at police stations where cameras

record activity and uniformed officers are nearby.

Because high conflict parents typically have an inability to speak maturely

and civilly with each other, telephone conversations are to be avoided. Written

communication, then, becomes the primary or exclusive means used in parallel

parenting. Of course, written communication may also be abused by simply

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putting the hostile message in writing, writing in all capital letters, and

communicating in a sarcastic or insulting manner. The range of parental

misbehavior in this regard is limitless. Use of a web-based communication site, as

will be discussed, provides the best means of controlling the written

communications.

Minor issues concerning the children are no longer discussed in parallel

parenting since the potential for a minor matter turning into an exchange of

tirades is so great. Communication must be limited to substantive issues

pertaining to the children: school homework, grades and progress; medical issues;

and scheduling issues. A common device used is a parent communication

notebook or child news report, which is a physical volume that travels between

the parental homes with the children. Ideally, it should not be loose-leaf but a

bound volume (so pages may not be removed without being obvious. Parents

should include in the book observations of the emotions and behaviors of the

children, descriptions of the children’s health, what upsets the children and

soothing techniques, and, daily routines.xiv

Parallel parenting strives to put the parents on a more business-like basis

for communication. Because the inter-personal hostility and unresolved conflicts

between the parents make co-parenting not possible, and court intervention as to

issues of legal custody do not address the core issues of the parties, the parallel

parenting environment is necessary. A basic principle is that each parent is taught

to communicate as he or she would want to receive communication, a “golden

rule” approach.xv

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Another technique is the creation by the parents of a child-centered

calendar. One or both of the parents should be responsible for completing the

calendar, which will show the regular parenting time schedule, the holiday

schedule, vacation breaks from school, and special events. Regardless of whether

one or both parents are responsible for the completion of the calendar, specific

time deadlines should be set for forwarding the calendar to the other parent.xvi The

calendar can then be used throughout the year to confirm dates and make changes

as needed.

Increasingly, information pertaining to the educational progress of the

children is being addressed by on-line access to parental portals which display

grades and progress reports, homework assignment, teacher comments and the

like, thus reducing the need for the direct exchange between the parents of such

documents. Likewise, direct email between teachers and administrators and

parents is in wide use. In parallel parenting, parent-teacher conferences are

scheduled separately for the parents in order to avoid providing a stage for public

display of the inter-personal conflicts.

In matters of health care, preservation in the court order of a continuity of

care is essential, i.e., the maintenance of the prior health care providers and

continuation of existing treatment plans. If the orders provide for second opinions

communication between the health care providers should be required; the second

opinion should be required to be forwarded to the primary care provider. Medical

instructions must be provided to both parents along with an exchange of health

insurance information. Health insurance disclosure should be a requirement.

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Doctor visits provide another forum for dispute display and should be scheduled

separately if at all possible.

If communication is in writing, certain guidelines must be established:

Succinct and concise.

Businesslike, information-based, and child centered.

Non-speculative and non-interpretive.

Constructive and non-accusatory.

Present or future-oriented and not for the purpose of rehashing past

events.

Non-critical of the motives of the other parent.

Devoid of profanity, insults and inflammatory comments.

Reasonable as to deadlines or due dates.

Written in a fashion that recognizes that it may later be read by a

decision-maker.xvii

A “Co-Parenting Communication Guide” incorporating these suggestions

has been prepared by the Arizona Chapter of the Association of Family and

Conciliation Courts and is available at www.afccnet.org.

b. On-line communication tools. Direct communication between high conflict

parents presents various problems. Texts may not be preserved and context may

be difficult to construe due to the fragmented nature of a text exchange. Emails

may not be retained, may be altered, may not be received or may be blocked, and,

can have contextual issues. Exchange of physical documents such as school,

expense, and medical records may be lost (or claimed to have not been received).

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Moreover, written communications may be shown to the children and may be a

lengthy record of nothing more than he said/she said exchanges. Fortunately,

several on-line sites exist to address these issues. Most require a monthly or

annual fee. Many are web based but some are applications that may be

downloaded to a computer. On-line tools, though, address many of the concerns

with direct communication noted above.

These tools provide the following advantages:

All means of necessary parallel parenting information is retained in

one repository.

Information can be kept in a journal, information bank, expense

log, and message board. The information is preserved.

Calendaring is centralized and color coded.

Scheduling conflicts can be addressed internally on the site by

showing scheduling changes with a question mark.

Sites allow for email or text notification when new material is

posted—the notification comes from the site not from the other

parent.

Expenses can be entered and each parent’s share calculated, while

allowing the other parent to approve or disapprove of the expense.

An information bank allows upload of school and health

information, school schedules, teacher contact numbers and email

addresses, immunization records, and emergency contacts.

Data entries can only be edited by the parent who entered it.

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Every time a site is changed, it is dated so that there is no question

when the information was added or changed.

Typically, information is encrypted for security.

Many of the sites now have mobile apps.

Accounts may allow for third party access by guardians ad litem,

parenting coordinators and other professionals.

Child accounts may be created to allow them to see calendars but

are restricted as to the parents’ confidential messages and

information.xviii

Examples of available tools include:

www.OurFamilyWizard.com.

www.jointparents.com.

www.custodyplanner.com.

www.custodyxchange.com.

www.sharedgroundonline.com

www.putyourchildernfirst.com.

www.sharekids.com

www.jointparents.com.

www.parentingtime.net.

3. Parenting Coordination

a. What is a parenting coordinator? In the early 1990s, courts in Denver, Colorado,

and Marin County, California, began experimenting with an approach to

managing high conflict post-decree custody disputes through the concept of

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parenting coordination.xix The position goes by a variety of names in the various

states: parenting coordinator, special master, custody commissioner, parenting

facilitator, co-parenting coordinators, and others. In general, though, the parenting

coordinator attempts to teach and model more appropriate, healthier problem-

solving skills to the parents. The parenting coordinator also attempts to help

parents resolve disputes in interpretation of their parenting orders and with

conflicts that arise post-decree. To the extent that the disputes cannot be mediated,

the parenting coordinator can take on the role of an arbitrator, making a decision

or recommendation that the parents must accept unless it is appealed to the court.

The goal, though, is to keep the family from returning to court and to address their

problems collaboratively through a structured use of assessment, education,

conflict management, and dispute resolution.xx

Depending upon jurisdiction, parenting coordinators may be agreed by the

parties or ordered by the court. It is designed to “…help parents implement and

comply with court orders or parenting plans, to make timely decisions in a manner

consistent with children’s developmental and psychological needs, to reduce the

amount of damaging conflict between caretaking adults to which children are

exposed, and to diminish the pattern of unnecessary relitigation about child-

related issues.”xxi

Parenting coordinators are typically licensed mental health or legal

professionals who have become qualified in family mediation and have additional

training in parenting coordination. For example, Ohio’s Rule of Superintendence

90.05 requires the following qualifications:

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Master’s degree or higher or law degree.

At least two years of professional experience with situations

involving children, including counseling, legal representation in

family law cases, and serving as a guardian ad litem.

Completion of at least twelve hours of basic mediation training.

Completion of at least forty hours of specialized family or divorce

mediation training.

Completion of at least fourteen hours of specialized training in

domestic abuse and dispute resolution.

Completion of at least twelve hours of specialized training in

parenting coordination.

In abuse, neglect and dependency cases, completion of at least

thirty-two hours of specialized child-protection mediation training.

Typically, parenting coordinators may not serve in a matter which presents

a clear conflict of interest, i.e., the parenting coordinator may not serve in

multiple roles such as guardian ad litem, custody evaluator, or therapist. Further,

if a psychologist is acting as a parenting coordinator, he or she may not provide

formal psychological diagnoses or render therapy or counseling services to the

family.xxii

Parenting coordination typically is not a confidential process for

communications between the parties and their children or for communications

with other relevant parties or the court. The “Guidelines for Parenting

Coordination” of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts notes that

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“[p]arenting coordination is an unusual type of intervention that does not fit

within the existing framework of rules and laws dealing with the subjects of

‘statutory privileges,’ ‘rules of evidence,’ and ‘professional codes of ethics’

related to the subject of ‘confidentiality’ and statements made by parents or

people involved in any disputed parenting case. *** However, the essence of the

PC concept is that all such confidentiality protections need to be stripped away, so

the PC is free to make quick decisions based upon all knowledge the PC has

obtained from the parties and sources.”

The parenting coordinator has a variety of specific functions.

Assessment: reviewing custody evaluations, relevant records, court

orders, interviews with parents and children, educational records,

and the like.

Educational: educating the parents about child development,

divorce research and the impact of their behavior on their children.

The parenting coordinator may coach the parties about parenting

skills, communication and conflict resolution.

Coordination/case management: the parenting coordinator should

work with all the professionals involved with the family (e.g.,

mental health, education, legal, etc.) to coordinate services to the

family.

Conflict management: the primary role is to work out

disagreements regarding the children. This may involve

negotiation, mediation or arbitration. The parenting coordinator

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may monitor all communications between the parents and suggest

more productive forms of communication.

Decision-making: when parents are not able to resolve disputes on

their own, the parenting coordinator may be empowered to make

decisions to the extent described in the court order or to make

reports or recommendations to the court for further

consideration.xxiii

Planning coordinators serve by parental agreement and/or formal orders.

The court order provides the authority for the parenting coordinator to work with

parents outside the adversarial process by a written agreement between the

parenting coordinator and the parties. It is also necessary in the court order to

address the description of services, decision-making processes, fees, involvement

in litigation, and length of service. Typical appointments are from one to two

years and, depending upon state statute or rules, the parenting coordinator may

not be called to provide records in a judicial proceeding or to testify. A parenting

coordinator cannot be unilaterally discharged by one party.

Perhaps the most significant aspect of parenting coordination has to do

with the scope of the decisions parenting coordinators are permitted to make. In

general, parenting coordinator decision-making is intended to keep a situation

from escalating but not to make decisions that substantively alter legal and

physical custody. The specific authority should be delineated in the order and

agreement but may address the following:

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Minor changes or clarification of parenting time or schedules,

including holidays, vacation and temporary variation from the

current parenting orders.

Transitions and exchanges of the children.

Health care management including medical, dental, orthodontic,

and vision care of the children.

Child-rearing issues.

Psychotherapy or mental health care of the children.

Psychological testing or assessment of the children and the parents.

Educational or daycare including school choice, tutoring, summer

school, participation in special education testing or other major

educational decisions.

Enrichment and extracurricular activities.

Religious observances and education.

Children’s travel and passport arrangements.

Clothing, equipment, and personal possessions of the children.

Communication between the parents about the children.

Alteration of appearance of the children including haircuts, tattoos,

and piercings.

Role of and contact with significant others and extended families.

Substance abuse assessment or testing for parents or children,

including access to the results.

Parenting classes.xxiv

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In some jurisdictions, the planning coordinator must notify the parties of the

intent to proceed to an arbitration phase. The dissemination of the planning coordinator’s

recommendation varies by jurisdiction but where the planning coordinator is appointed

by the court, it would be expected that the court as well as the parties and their counsel

receive copies. Time sensitive decisions could be made orally followed by a written

decision. Decisions are considered binding until changed by a court. Although the

standards for appeal and judicial review vary by jurisdiction, typically judicial review is

included.

In sum, parenting coordination is a growing method of attempting to keep high

conflict parents from continuous rounds of litigation which impact their children by

delegating decision-making in significant areas other than substantive reallocation of

parental rights. It is a tool available to the family law bar and judiciary.xxv

4. Therapeutic Approaches

a. Goal-oriented reconnection or family counseling. Over the years counseling or

therapy for parents and children has been utilized as a means of addressing the

damage done by high conflict custody disputes. Success rates vary, of course, but

some psychologists and therapists are now turning to alternatives to conventional

therapeutic techniques since high conflict parents present a unique challenge to

the therapist. It is not uncommon to see such parents start conventional counseling

with minimal commitment to change and unsatisfactory or limited resolution of

the issues which brought them to court in the first place. Additionally, open-ended

counseling or therapy may limit or exhaust the actual willingness of the parents to

seek professional assistance to address their issues. Frequently, the parents report

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that the sessions appear to be a continuation of the dynamic of blaming the other

parent for all the ills of the situation. The behaviors observed in high conflict

parents may arise from a combination of factors:

Revenge.

Self-righteousness.

Fear of losing the child.

Past history.

Ownership.

Jealousy.

Child support.

Loss of identity.

Self-protection.

Maintaining the relationship through conflict.

Problematic social relationships or lifestyles.

Power, influence, control or domination.xxvi

Assessment of the motivations of the high conflict parents appears to be

critical to an effective therapeutic approach which will accomplish the goal of a

resolution of the issues presented. The motivations and resultant behaviors may be

addressed by shorter term focused counseling. Such counseling may be intensive—

two or three weekend sessions or a four day high conflict family “camp.”xxvii Specific

goals and objectives are set at the beginning of the counseling and success will

depend upon the order being “…precise, specific, and directional.”xxviii The “therapy”

should be goal-oriented with measurable outcomes. Such therapy is about assessment

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and intervention (change). A sample order is set forth by Stanley S. Clawar and

Brynne V. Rivlin: “Exact scenarios are to be developed by the therapist in accordance

with: a) reducing the child’s distorted views of her mother (i.e., ‘she never cared for

her’)—as the social history shows otherwise, b) educating the father concerning how

his behaviors, attitudes, and language have contributed to the child’s estrangement

from her mother, c) coaching the mother on patience, persistence, and regaining her

self-confidence in regard to her relationship with her own child, d) identifying

socially healthy interactive activities for the mother and child, e) educating the father

in developing new language and behavior that fully supports the mother-child

relationship. A two to three page—summary of the above plan, process and results is

to be filed with the guardian ad litem by [date]. Special notes on level and types of

cooperation of each party are to be included.”xxix While the context of the quote is in

parental programming (alienation), many high conflict parental behaviors are similar

even if not reaching the level of programming the child. Nonetheless, a more focused,

goal-oriented therapy may prove to be of use in high conflict situations.

b. Deprogramming counseling. Similarly, in dealing with the programmed child in a

high conflict situation, a deprogramming process or therapy may be warranted. As

noted by Clawar and Rivlin, “[t]herapy has frequently been used inappropriately,

as a resource for dealing with forensic issues. Unfortunately, therapy that is not

directed by the court in these high-conflict cases is often in vain. More likely, it

compounds a bad situation.”xxx The success of a deprogramming intervention will

depend upon a variety of factors:

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The persistence of the programmers and brainwashers even after

professional or judicial interventions.

The resistance of the programming and brainwashing parents to objective

information on the degrees and types of damage caused by the process.

The positive changes in behavior, attitude, and/or emotion that the

programmed/brainwashed children exhibit once they are freed from the

process.xxxi

Clawar and Rivlin argue that research shows that “phase-in reconnect” was

“absolutely not necessary” for the child’s positive adjustment in majority of cases.xxxii

The deprogramming process involves some or all of the following factors:

Knowledge of the themes and content of the program.

Knowledge of the techniques employed.

Knowledge of the duration and intensity of the

programming/brainwashing.

Knowledge of the motives of the programmer.

Evaluation of the resources available.

Knowledge of degree of damage or negative impact of the process.

Establishment of rapport.

Knowledge of the potential risks of implementation of a deprogramming

process.

Identifying and dealing with the point of no return for a child.

Knowledge of the potential for shutdown.

Environmental modification.

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Re-education, counseling, therapy.

Measuring the degree and type of change.xxxiii

Clawar and Rivlin note that deprogramming is most influenced by environmental

modification. For those of us wrestling with programming/brainwashing high conflict

parents, such interventions may provide another approach.

5. Drug and Alcohol Monitoring

In situations where parental drug or alcohol abuse may be a contributing factor to

the high level of conflict, modern technology may provide a solution for the monitoring

of the abuse.

Alcohol monitoring devices are widely available. Among the most used is the

SCRAM® program. SCRAM uses an ankle bracelet which is attached to the ankle with a

durable and tamper-proof strap. It is worn 24 hours a day for the duration of court-

ordered abstinence. Twice an hour, the bracelet captures transdermal alcohol readings by

sampling the insensible perspiration collected from the air above the skin. The bracelet

stores the data and at predetermined intervals, transmits it via a wireless radio-frequency

to the SCRAM modem. The data is stores in the modem, which plugs into an analogue

telephone line. The modem sends the data to SCRAMNET which downloads the data

where it is collected and analyzed.xxxiv

Drug screening technology includes i-Samson.net, a web-based service that

allows the setting of drug monitoring compliance which notifies those subject to random

drug test that he or she is required to submit to a drop-in test. This system prevents those

being tested from knowing when the test will be required.xxxv

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6. Conclusion

High conflict custody cases present a continuing challenge to practioners, courts,

and guardians ad litem. Because of the difficulty these cases present, often resulting from

parents with serious adjustment issues, mental health problems, personality disorders, and

other forms of personal dysfunction, they often seem intractable. Nonetheless, the

techniques and approaches outlined above may provide family law practioners with tools

to address these cases.

i Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D., “Have a Problem? Hire a special master as decision-maker.” Family Advocate, Vol.

21, No. 1. ii Robin M. Deutsch, Ph.D, “When the Conflict Continues.” Family Advocate, Vol. 33, No. 1. iii Id. iv Arnold T. Shienvold, Ph.D, “The High-Conflict Divorce & Your Children’s Adjustment.” Family Advocate, Vol.

34, No. 1. v Id. vi Id. vii Id. viii Id. ix Id. x Id. xi Id. xii Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D., “Parallel Parenting for High Conflict Families.” xiii www.outofthefog.net xiv Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D., “Parallel Parenting for High Conflict Families.” xv ‘Parenting Communication Resources in High-Conflict Cases,” Arizona Association of Family and Conciliation

Courts, 2011 Summit Project. xvi Id. xvii Id. xviii For further information and a comparison of various sites, see Lee S. Rosen, “Technology for Parents.” Family

Advocate, Vol.33, No. 1. xix Eve Orlow, “Working with Parenting Coordinators.” Family Advocate, Vol. 30, No. 1. xx Arnold T. Shienvold, Ph.D, “The High-Conflict Divorce & Your Children’s Adjustment.” Family Advocate, Vol.

34, No. 1. xxi American Psychological Association, “Guidelines for the Practice of Parenting Coordination.” American

Psychologist, January 2012. xxii Id. xxiii Guideline VI, “Guidelines for Parenting Coordination.” Association of Family and Conciliation Courts. 2005. xxiv Guideline XI, “Guidelines for Parenting Coordination.” Association of Family and Conciliation Courts. 2005. xxv On April 23, 2013, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court adopted Rule 1915.11-1 of the Pennsylvania Rules of Civil

Procedure which abolished the use of parenting coordinators in child custody cases. The rule specifically provides:

“Only judges may make decisions in child custody cases. Masters and hearing officers may make recommendations

to the court. Courts shall not appoint any other individual to make decisions or recommendations or alter a custody

order in child custody cases. Any order appointing a parenting coordinator shall be deemed vacated on the date this

rule becomes effective. Local rules and administrative orders authorizing the appointment of parenting coordinators

also shall also be deemed vacated on the date this rule becomes effective.”

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xxvi Stanley S. Clawar & Brynne V. Rivlin, “Children Held Hostage: Identifying Brainwashed Children, Presenting a

Case, and Crafting Solutions, Second Edition,” page 211. xxvii See, www.overcomingbarriers.org. xxviii xxviii Stanley S. Clawar & Brynne V. Rivlin, “Children Held Hostage: Identifying Brainwashed Children,

Presenting a Case, and Crafting Solutions, Second Edition,” page 361. xxix xxix Id, page 362. xxx Id, page 361. xxxi Id, page 395. xxxii Id. xxxiii Id, pages 395-396. xxxiv www.premierintegrity.com. xxxv www.i-samson.net; www.americancourtservices.com.

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“More important, regular use should help reduce the level of animosity between parents that can be so harmful to children. Even families not involved in court proceedings should benefit from ‘OurFamilywizard.com.’ It is an effective tool that allows parents to plan and implement…”

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Remove the He Said/She Said

Monthly View

Documentation Includes:•Author of the entry•Date/time the event was created•Date/time of changes made

The author may edit an event, but the co-parent is notified of the time and content of the change.

Clear, Simple, and DocumentedTime Modifications

What is the time period requested?

Every offer must have an expiration date.

Request to take or give time.

Modification Response

Approved offers automatically change the calendar.

The request and the response (or lack there of) is always recorded and easy to access.

Messaging with ToneMeter

ToneMeter is an optional feature that helps parents be mindful of how their message may be received.

It gives them a chance to reframe the message in a different tone before sending.

Document when messages are opened.

Document when messages were First Viewed by the recipient.

Share Files - Medical Records

Un-Reimbursed Medical Request

•Categorized according to the agreement. •Indicates which child the expense is for. •Receipts Attached

Expense Detail and History

Documented history

Payment History

Expenses automatically reconcile when reimbursements are made using OFWpay

Parents may still reconcile expenses if reimbursements are made by check or other means.

Android and iPhone Apps

Case Management-My Clients

Transparent and Accessible Communication

All communication is accessible by counsel, the court, and professionals working with the family.

Parents may grant access if the court doesn’t order it.

Linking To The Client

The Parties Are Ordered To visit OurFamilyWizard.com and establish a parent account to utilize all of the website’s features including but not limited to the Calendar, Message Board, My Files, and Expense Sharing tools. Each shall enroll in the program for a one-year subscription not later than June 30, xxxx. (Provide a deadline)

The Parties Shall thereafter not e-mail, phone, or text each other directly regarding issues relating to the child but shall post all communication exclusively on the website. Once enrolled they shall not communicate by telephone except regarding matters of emergency regarding the child that must be acted upon in less than 24 hours.

All parent entries shall be viewable via a Professional Account by both parties’ attorney(s) of record and the (Judge/Commissioner/Minor’s Counsel/Special Masters/GAL) assigned. (Name those assigned by the court to assures OFW grants access upon receipt of the order.)

The Parties shall utilize OFW Messages only for information that cannot be conveyed through the Calendar, Info Bank, and Expense features offered. If an entry requires a response by the other parent, such parent shall respond within 48 hours unless it is clear from the entry itself that a longer response time is acceptable. (Steer parents away from messaging to limit the narrative and ambiguity around logistics.)

The Parties Shall utilize the website’s expense sharing feature (OFWpay) to have a future record of all reimbursable expenses in order to mitigate the necessity to litigate in the future over such matters. If a parent does not have the capability of scanning a required document and attaching the electronic version for posting to the website, s/he shall post a description of the document on the website and mail a hard copy of the document by regular first class mail on the day following the posting of the electronic announcement.(Are parties expected to make payments using OFWpay or just to request and reconcile?)

Model Order Highlights

•Business Record Affidavits:!✴Printed from OFW server on letterhead✴Include Declaration of Authenticity✴Signed, dated, notarized

•Obtain a login history for both parties. ✴Date/Times of each sign in. ✴IP address of each sign in.

Declarations When Needed