one story
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One StoryI was born with a relatively minor physical defect which none the less left me with some issues. I also had some traumatic events leave me emotionally devastated during my youth. I took up smoking as a preteen and found that it offered me a measure of relief I'd never known. It alleviated my debilitating headaches, eased the pain I'd lived with my whole life, soothed my severe menstruation symptoms, stimulated an otherwise non-existent appetite, relieved nausea, & brought some peace to my sad emotional state. I smoked for many years and I understand the help it can be. I also know what it's like to have the state step in, accuse you of assault, and steal your children for smoking while pregnant. I managed to get my children back "relatively" quickly but it tore us all up and there was no sense to it.My doctor had nothing but kind words for me and told me my family & I were the victims of a system spun out of control. I don't smoke anymore out of fear.I try to deal with my issues as best as I can. I don't take medications or drink alcohol.(Poisons) I don't smoke anything. But when there's a relatively safe treatment for my various ailments out there, I see no reason I should be forced to refrain from using it out of the fear of having my kids seized.Ughhh... I've been thinking about what you said and dredging up old memories, trying to get things sorted out in my head. In some ways my life hasn't been too bad, others it's been shit... but one of the worst moments of my life was leaving that hospital without my baby and knowing my children weren't waiting at home. Knowing that I had failed them, their well being and safety was at that moment completely out of my hands.They were at the mercy of strangers, complete unknowns who didn't understand them - might be hurting them. It was desolate outside, the snowstorm of '03 had come through and the world looked dead. I felt dead inside. At first I couldn't go ten minutes without sobbing. I was either racked with grief or numb and distant from shock.We'd been in the middle of a move which was obviously shot but our stuff still needed to be gotten out of our apartment. Everything we'd been planning was thrown off course and we were left with pretty much nothing. We had to stay with my mom and her awful then-husband at the time. I was completely useless during the move. I just kept wandering from one thing to the next, trying to think of what to do and bursting into tears as I'd think of the kids or my milk would let down.The weather was so bad they didn't move my daughter from the hospital immediately so I called the nursery often to check on her. We didn't get to see our kids in forever. They'd pushed the limit of time and if they hadn't finally let us see them when they had, they would have been legally obligated to return them to us on the spot. Hell, for all I know they may even have gotten away with exceeding the time limit.I'll be writing some more. This still hurts pretty bad.How long did it take you to get your children back if you don't mind me asking?A friend of mine gave birth to her daughter in prison because cannabis is the only thing that alleviates her mood swings. It's infuriating.I don't mind. My children were all seized on February 24, 2003, 2 days after the birth of my youngest daughter. I believe we got them back on May 5 of the same year. She was coerced out of my arms as she slept by a nurse who later came back to apologize for lying to me. She told me they have to comply with the social workers regardless of their personal opinions. I went ballistic at the social worker when she told me they were doing a removal, screaming "You fucking liar!" as I bolted down the hall after my child. I actually made it to the nurse with my daughter before she could make it behind lock and key. She looked compassionately into my eyes & told me she was sorry... and I stopped rather than inadvertently cause my baby harm.I'd tried to quit smoking durinTRANSCRIPT
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OccupyProhibitionJuly29,2014Edited
OneStoryIwasbornwitharelativelyminorphysicaldefectwhichnonethelessleftmewithsomeissues.Ialsohadsometraumaticeventsleavemeemotionallydevastatedduringmyyouth.ItookupsmokingasapreteenandfoundthatitofferedmeameasureofreliefI'dneverknown.Italleviatedmydebilitatingheadaches,easedthepainI'dlivedwithmywholelife,soothedmyseveremenstruationsymptoms,stimulatedanotherwisenonexistentappetite,relievednausea,&broughtsomepeacetomysademotionalstate.IsmokedformanyyearsandIunderstandthehelpitcanbe.Ialsoknowwhatit'sliketohavethestatestepin,accuseyouofassault,andstealyourchildrenforsmokingwhilepregnant.Imanagedtogetmychildrenback"relatively"quicklybutittoreusallupandtherewasnosensetoit.Mydoctorhadnothingbutkindwordsformeandtoldmemyfamily&Iwerethevictimsofasystemspunoutofcontrol.Idon'tsmokeanymoreoutoffear.ItrytodealwithmyissuesasbestasIcan.Idon'ttakemedicationsordrinkalcohol.(Poisons)Idon'tsmokeanything.Butwhenthere'sarelativelysafetreatmentformyvariousailmentsoutthere,IseenoreasonIshouldbeforcedtorefrainfromusingitoutofthefearofhavingmykidsseized.Ughhh...I'vebeenthinkingaboutwhatyousaidanddredgingupoldmemories,tryingtogetthingssortedoutinmyhead.Insomewaysmylifehasn'tbeentoobad,othersit'sbeenshit...butoneoftheworstmomentsofmylifewasleavingthathospitalwithoutmybabyandknowingmychildrenweren'twaitingathome.KnowingthatIhadfailedthem,theirwellbeingandsafetywasatthatmomentcompletelyoutofmyhands.Theywereatthemercyofstrangers,completeunknownswhodidn'tunderstandthemmightbehurtingthem.Itwasdesolateoutside,thesnowstormof'03hadcomethroughandtheworldlookeddead.Ifeltdeadinside.AtfirstIcouldn'tgotenminuteswithoutsobbing.Iwaseitherrackedwithgriefornumbanddistantfromshock.We'dbeeninthemiddleofamovewhichwasobviouslyshotbutourstuffstillneededtobegottenoutofourapartment.Everythingwe'dbeenplanningwasthrownoffcourseandwewereleftwithprettymuchnothing.Wehadtostaywithmymomandherawfulthenhusbandatthetime.Iwascompletelyuselessduringthemove.Ijustkeptwanderingfromonethingtothenext,tryingtothinkofwhattodoandburstingintotearsasI'dthinkofthekidsormymilkwouldletdown.Theweatherwassobadtheydidn'tmovemydaughterfromthehospitalimmediatelysoIcalledthenurseryoftentocheckonher.Wedidn'tgettoseeourkidsinforever.They'dpushedthelimitoftimeandiftheyhadn'tfinallyletusseethemwhentheyhad,theywouldhavebeenlegallyobligatedtoreturnthemtousonthespot.Hell,forallIknowtheymayevenhavegottenawaywithexceedingthetimelimit.I'llbewritingsomemore.Thisstillhurtsprettybad.Howlongdidittakeyoutogetyourchildrenbackifyoudon'tmindmeasking?Afriendofminegavebirthtoherdaughterinprisonbecausecannabisistheonlythingthatalleviateshermoodswings.It'sinfuriating.Idon'tmind.MychildrenwereallseizedonFebruary24,2003,2daysafterthebirthofmyyoungestdaughter.IbelievewegotthembackonMay5ofthesameyear.Shewascoercedoutofmyarmsasshesleptbyanursewholatercamebacktoapologizeforlyingtome.Shetoldmetheyhavetocomplywiththesocialworkersregardlessoftheirpersonalopinions.Iwentballisticatthesocialworkerwhenshetoldmetheyweredoingaremoval,screaming"Youfuckingliar!"asIbolteddownthehallaftermychild.Iactuallymadeittothenursewithmydaughterbeforeshecouldmakeitbehindlockandkey.Shelookedcompassionatelyintomyeyes&toldmeshewassorry...andIstoppedratherthaninadvertentlycausemybabyharm.I'dtriedtoquitsmokingduringmypregnancy,buthadbeensufferingfromdebilitatinghyperemesisgravidarum.Icouldn'tkeepANYTHINGdownwithoutit,&myhusbandfearingforourlives,toldmethatabstainingfromsmokingwoulddonooneanygood,ifIlostthebaby&/ordiedmyself.Itseemedlikeeverynurseonshiftandthensomehadtocomeby,apologize,andtrytoofferwordsofencouragement,&offernewparentbaggieswithtrivialtrinketstosendmehomewithinsteadofmybaby.Mydoctorgavemeahug,toldmehewasproudofme,andtolethimknowwhenIgotthemback.
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TheInvestigatorcamebytodoapsychevalonmesometimeafterkeepingmewaitingallday&intothenight.Theywokemeoutofanexhaustedsleep,semideliriousafterjusthavingababy&havingherstolen.Shekeptaskingleading,suggestivequestionsthatimpliedguilt&emotionalinstability,actinglikeIwasalunatic,&tryingtoprojectsuicidalinclinationsontomeinhopesofusingagainstmelater.IaskedherwhatthehellkindofemotionalstateIwassupposedtobeinaftertheystolemykids.Shetookadvantageofmyvulnerableemotionalstatetogetmetosignthings&saywhatbestservedhercase.Shekepttryingtotellmehowitwasmyfaultforhurtingmybaby.ItoldherthatwascrapandI'dpersonallyhadadoctortellmehe'dneverseenanythingthatledhimtobelievesmokingmarijuanawasharmfultotheunbornchild.Iguessitwouldhavebeenpoliticallycorrecttoabortherandthatwouldn'thavebeenmurderbutkeepingher&smokingwasassault.Iarguedherintoadmittingthatcigarettes(whichshesmokedwhilepregnant)wereworsebutshestillfellbackonher"marijuanaisillegal".Nice.WegotputthrougharingerI'mnotevengoingtobegintocoverfornowbutitwashell.Theladyteachingourmandatoryparentingclass(whichwasapatronizingjokebytheway)toldmeonly17%ofchildrenseizedoverdrugsarereunitedwiththeirparentswhenItoldherwewereworkingtogetthemback.Itoldhershewaslookingatoneofthose17%andthenexttimeIsawher,mykidswerewithme.Wewentthroughhellandtherewerethosewhoweretryingtomakeoursituationinsurmountablebutwewerefortunatetohaveareallynicegirlasourcaseworker.Duringthe"brieftime"theyweregonewhichseemedlikeaneternityweweretoldallmannerofridiculousthingsanddemandswereputonusthatmycaseworkeradmittedshepersonallywouldnothavebeenabletokeepupwith.Ourchildrenwerecycledthroughatleast3differentfosterhomes.They'dalwaysbeenhealthyandhappybefore...were(overmyobjections)bombardedwithvaccines&dangerous,controversialdrugsthathaveneverbeenapprovedinchildren,letalonetoddlers...suddenlytheywerechronicallyill,actingout,andseverelydepressed.Theylearnedtheword"hate"&usedviolenceagainsteachotherforthefirsttimeinfostercare.Myoldestwasvomitingalmostconstantly.Itwastotalhellonallofus.Peoplewereprojectingsexualabuseontothemthatneveroccurred.Theytrickedmyoldestdaughterthenonlythreeintosayingshe'dbeengivenadoobiewhichwasbullshit.(Whythehelldidn'ttheydrugtesther?!Maybetheydidandintentionallyomittedtheresults.)Iftheyhadn'tdonethatweprobablywould'vegottenthembacksooner.Theymadeherthinksayingthatwouldallowhertogohome.Fuckingsick.Oneofthefosterparentstoldthemshewasgoingtoadoptthem.Somuchforreunification.Anotherhowmeantheirparentswere.Yetanother,"IfanybodyevertouchesyouAGAIN,bitethem!"Whatdoesthatdototheheadofatraumatizedthreeyearoldwho'sonlysufferedabuseatthehandsofthepeoplewhorippedherfamilyapart?!Theirlittle"Impartialperson"tooverseethingstoldusit'dtakearoundayeartogetthemback&hadthenervetochuckleasshejoviallytoldusthatayearwasn'tverylong!Excusemebuttoababyoragrievingparent,that'salifetime!Wheredotheyfindthesepeople?!Mychildrenwereforcedtobearoundalcoholics&chainsmokers,leftunsupervisedindangeroussituations,wereconstantlysubjectedtolanguageintendedtoalienatethemfromus.Despitemyattemptstomaintainmysupplyofbreastmilkformybaby...Ilostmymilk...&someofmymostpatheticmomentsweresobbingwithmybreastsengorgedpainfullyinludicrousproportions,asIexpressedbreastmilk&battledmastitis,grievingformystolenbabies...thatIcouldn'tprotect.Anyway,ourlittlecaseworkerriskedherjobgoingagainstwhathersuperiorswanted,askingtheDAnottofightitwhenourcasecameup.Ourlawyerwasadecentwomankindenoughtohelpusfornexttonothing.ThejudgeRELUCTANTLYgaveusbackourkidsratherthanhavethemgobackintoaFOURTHfosterhomeinatwomonthperiod.Thesystembentusoveranddroveusbutintheend,allwecoulddowassmileandsaythankyouingratitudeforhavingourlittlebrokenfamilyputbacktogether.(We'veneverbeenthesame,though.)Atleasttherewereafew
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goodpeoplewhocouldseeitwasabiggercrimetodestroyourfamily.
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TopCommentsRandyDavis,LilyValley,BrigettGebhartand16otherslikethis.
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KarenKaySosorrythesystemhurtyourfamily.Yourstorybroughttearstomyeyes.IhadtoenduretherathofTheSystemwhenmyhusband'sbrothermurderedhim.Theynevertookmychildrenbecausein1991theydidnotdrugtestwithout"reasonablecause".We,asvictimswedidn'tfearthemurderer,wefearedtheflawedsystem.TheSystemofChildProtectiveServicesregardingtheingestionof(Medicinal)Marijuanahasgonebackwardsremindingmeofthe70'swhenwefearedthataseedwouldputusinprisonfor20years.Themurdereronlyserved2.5yrs.my5childrenarestillsufferingfromtheflawedlegalsystemafter23years.Thedefenseattorneyused"adruginterventiongonebad"asadefense.Thankyouforstandingupandsharingyourstory.
3October28,2014at8:36am
LilyHoffmannPrettymuchsumsupthefostercaresystem.
1October28,2014at4:46pm