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TRANSCRIPT
FREETAKE ONE
September 6, 2017 Volume 11, Issue 24
“The Hottest Little Paper in Town!”Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each month
For Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]
NORTHERNKANE & KENDALL COUNTIES
Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
OORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE
If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette
· Kitchenette with full-size refrigerator, Microwave and coffee machine in each room!
· Complimentary Breakfast· Free Parking · Free Internet/WiFi · Free Cable TV
North Aurora HotelInn & Suites
Weekly/monthly Rates available
201 Smoke Tree Lane N. Aurora, IL • (I-88 Exit IL-31)
(331)205-1700
$55Book Now!
Daily Rates Start at
Holmstad’s 40th
Annual BazaarCreative Gifts & More
Quilt RaffleSat. September 30
9am - 3pmFabyan Pkwy & Rt 31
Batavia, IL www.theholmstad.org
Holmstad’s 40th
Annual Bazaar
AcceptingE SCrAP
• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan • Aurora
M - F 7:30 - 4:30Sat 7:00 - 12:30
STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES
TOP CASH PAID
forFerrous &
Non-Ferrous Metals
Ecology Tech Inc
630-844-3344www.ssmetalrecyclers2.com
1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan
Since 1988
Mulch SpecialistsFast, Accurate Service
46w640 Big Timber Rd • Hampshire
Visit us online at
847-683-1013
www.BeansFarm.com
WE SELL WEBER GRILLS!
Minimum purchaseof $30.00 before tax.
$5 Off
Must present couponat time of purchase.Not valid on already clearanced items or
with any other offers.Expires 9/30/17
New, Vintage & Consignment Home Decor
at Affordable Prices
Downtown Oswego • 630-636-7441
67 S Main Street • Oswego
HOURS
Mon - Fri 10 - 5Sat 10 - 3 Sun 9 - 3
Kids are back to school ~ Time to redecorate!
What animal do you see first?
Can you spot both animals?
Under the Bed Because of back
problems, each night I lie on the floor and do exercises. Once when westopped at a motel, as Istarted my exercise, something under the bedcaught my eye. It was acard, on which was written...
"Yes, we do cleanunder here, too."
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 1
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 2
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
* With Approved Credit.
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Law School One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson
asked one of his better students, "Now if you were togive someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a
lawyer!" the Professor instructed. The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I
hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away withand without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anythingherein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds,instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever tothe contrary in anywise notwithstanding ....."
Looking for Work I was unhappy with my job, so I submitted my
resignation. I was sure I'd have no trouble finding anew position, because there was a shortage of peoplewith my skill.
I e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers, attaching a copy of my resume to each one. Weeks later, I was dismayed and bewildered that I hadn't received even one request for an interview.
Finally I received a response that explained it all:"Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagnarecipe."
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 2
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
Visit us online: riverviewford.com
quick LaneOPEN SATuRDAYS 8am - 5pm
HOuRSMon - Fri 7am - 7pm
Sat 8am - 5pm
1-800-321-CARS1-800-321-CARS
• Air Conditioning Maintenance• Alignments• Battery Replacement• Brake Service• Cooling System Maintenance• Oil Change• Suspension and Steering Maintenance• Tire Sales and Replacement• Transmission Service• Wiper Blade Replacement
At Hennessy’sRiver View Ford
Across fromFarm & Fleet
$$1100 OOff ffAAnnyy SSeerr vv iiccee VV ii ss ii ttSee quick Lane advisor
for details Expires 9/30/17 OPG2200 uS Highway 302200 uS Highway 30 • • Oswego, ILOswego, IL
2797 N 4550th Road • Sandwich, IL
815-509-8341
Corie Ann GavinOwner
Almost Home Dog BoardingLuxury Boarding with a Personal Touch
We’re Here to Help. . . (773)558-7175
COMPLETECREMATION SERVICE
$1295FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICES LTD
www.CardinalFuneral.com
CountrywestCountrywestConcrete, Inc.Concrete, Inc.
If It’s Concrete We Will Do It! • No Job Too Big or Too Small!
[email protected] 55 .. 99 00 11 .. 77 00 55 99
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Flatwork, Foundations, Decorative ConcreteTAKING OUT THE OLD, & REPLACING WITH THE NEW. CONCRETE RESURFACING
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Bobcat WorkBobcat Work • HaulingHauling • Small DemolitionSmall Demolition • • Pole Barn Repairs Pole Barn Repairs
See us on FacebookSee us on FacebookCountryWest ConcreteCountryWest Concrete
MAINTENANCE & LANDSCAPING
•Snow Removal• Tree Removal• Stump Grinding• Fast Clean Up• Mulch• Pruning• Brick Paving
Free EstimatesFully Insured
630-639-3639630-639-3639Vidal (630)877-8691
I Wanna Be A BearIf you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could dealwith that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
If you're a bear, you birth your children(who are the size of walnuts) while you're
sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you meanbusiness. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. Ifyour cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I coulddeal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wakeup growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairylegs and excess body fat.
Yup..... I wanna be a bear.
POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
• How long a minute is depends on what side of thebathroom door you're on.
• Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
• Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
• Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
• You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
• Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.• Don't cry because it's over; smile because it
happened.• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 3
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
ONLY 1,000 TICKETS SOLDTicket Price - $100.00 ea.
GRAND PRIZE!2018 CORVETTE COUPE OR $45,000 - Plus 10 Additional
Prizes of $500 Cash!
Grand Prize Drawing: Sat., Nov. 18, 2017 at
the WINE BAR @ K.Hollis*Corvette pictured is for advertising purposesonly and not the actual car.
Buy tickets online at: www.BataviaRotaryCharities.com
Corvette supplied by: Bob Jass Chevrolet, Elburn, IL
Name:______________________________________
Address: ____________________________________
City: _______________________________________
State/Zip: ___________________________________
Phone: _____________________________________
Email: ______________________________________
How Many Tickets: _________________________
Amount Enclosed ___________________________
Prize Winners need not be present to win. Winners assume all applicable license fees, state and federal taxes and required modifications. No one under the age of 18 may participate. Complete rules and regulations at: www.bataviarotarycharities.com
Please fill out this form and send along with check made out to:
ROTARY CLUB OF BATAVIAP.O. BOX 111 BATAVIA, IL 60510-0111
We will then send you your ticket.
Use credit cards at: www.BataviaRotaryCharities.com
Three chances to win $500 Cash.EARLY BIRD DRAWINGS!
SEPT. 18 OCT. 18AUG. 18
29th Annual Corvette Raffle
Drawing Proceeds Benefit Local Charities, and Rotary International Programs
Missed an Issue??You can get past issues on our website.
www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
Matt Gavin16119 Chicago Road Sandwich, IL 60548
Phone (815) 786-2242Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296
Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing
Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting
Window Glass - Plastic Sheets - ScreensAluminum Store Fronts & DoorsDefective & Broken Insulated
Glass ReplacementMirrors Made To Order - Table Tops
10% OffMaterial Only
with this original coupon. Not valid withother offers. No copies or internet
reprints. Expires 9/30/17
939 Montgomery Ave • Aurora630-801-1230 • www.mrtouchofglass.com
Licensed - Insured Bonded
Food, Family, and Philosophy A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous
about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.The father replies: "My son, there are three subjectsthat always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a sodafountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousnessbuilds. He remembers his father's advice, and choosesthe first topic. He asks the girl, "Do you like potatopancakes?" She says, "No" and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boythinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the seconditem on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"Again, the girl says, "No" and there is silence onceagain.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question:"If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
Fire Test Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of
the local fire hall. Before each student could leave, thefire chief quizzed him. The fire chief asked little Joey,"What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?"
Joey replied promptly, "I don't put them on."
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 4
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 5
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
Payroll doesn’t have to be
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• Steel & Wood Doors • Remotes/Operators•Springs/Rollers/Cables/Tracks
SALES - SERVICE - INSTALLATION On All Makes & Models
Residential & Commercial
•Free Estimates •Insured •Warranty
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DUCK’S TREE & STUMP SERVICEDUCK’S TREE & STUMP SERVICE• Tree Removal • Trimming• Grind Stumps • Pruning• Support Cables
www.DucksTree.com
Angvick Antique Motors Co.
PO Box 7 • Burlington, IL 60109
(847)287-4413 oldmotorsguy.com [email protected]
Specializing in vehicles manufactured prior to 1940BuY • SELL • RESTORE • REPAIR
Call Today!1-855-360-4653www.metalsmint.com
INVEST SMARTBuild, Protect, and
Preserve your Wealth!
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School of Agriculture The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was
interviewing a prospective student, "Why have youchosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming,like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?"echoed the dean much impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he alwaysdreamed of it."
Call Policy The local high school has a policy that the parents
must call the school if a student is to be absent for theday. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with herfriends waited until her parents had left for work andcalled the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call.
Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly is unableto make it to school today because she is ill.
Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"
Kelly: "This is my mother."
Mark Twain Quotes• "The report of my death was an exaggeration.• "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and
steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."
• "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 5
All Answers Can Be Found Throughout The Ads
Appearing In This Issue Of The ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
ACROSS2. People to _____ International4. _____ doors & enclosures6. Invest _____10. New, Vintage & _____ Home Decor11. Interested in becoming a _____?12. Creative _____ & more
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 6
DOWN1. Restoring your past to _____ the future3. www.RWS-_____.com5. Luxury ____ with a personal touch7. Help save _____8. www._____RotaryCharities.com9. Expect affordable prices on quality_____
For More Information - Call
(630)365-6315
Early Bird Game 6:30pm
Regular Bingo 7:00pm
ELBUrN LIONS PArK500 S. FILMOrE ST
Food & Beverages AvailableFor Purchase.
Elburn Lions ClubElburn, IL
www.elburnlions.com
RENT OUR HALLAccommodates up to 240
We Cater to Your Group Needs
14 REGULAR GAMES
4 PROGRESSIVE
SPLIT THE POT RAFFLES
Lic# B-04001
Doors Open
at 5:00pm
(630)892-0344OTTO SCHULZ - Owner
1157 S. Lake Street - Montgomerywww.TheExhaustWorks.com
BrAKE SPECIAL$50 OFF
4 WHEELS or
$25 OFF2 WHEELS
Expires 9/30/17
$20 OFFAny Exhaust
purchase over$200
Expires 9/30/17
MUFFLErS ▪ SHOCKS ▪ STrUTS ▪ TIrES
SSuuppeerr SSaallee!!
IGGY’S CONCRETEIGGY’S CONCRETEFLAT WORK FOUNDATION DEMO WORK
EXCAVATION BOBCAT WORK
630-800-0544630-800-0544Iggy Albano
Email: [email protected]
Summer 2018 • Grades 6 - 12 Australia • Costa RicaEurope • Asia • Africa
Contact Teacher Leader: Kirsten Cleveland
Info meetings in Naperville & Palatine
Rates starting at just$30 per issueCall Today!
815-751-1286
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Enjoy the day at theLARGEST
GIFT & ANTIQUEShop in The Fox Valley
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 6
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 7
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
We are Open 6 Days a Week for Your ConvenienceCall for more information (847)531-8185
Mon-Thurs 7am - 6pm • Fri 7am - 4pm • Sat 8am - 3pm
Earn Over $400 This Monthby Donating Plasma!!
1166 N. McLean Blvd. Elgin, IL 60123
Phone: 847-531-8185 Located Just North of Big Timber Road
Plasma Biological Services
• Donating Plasma is a Safe and Easy Way to Earn Money
• Your Plasma is Used in Products That Help Save Lives
• No Need for an AppointmentWalk-ins are Welcome
•Additional Bonuses for Students IDs and Frequency
www.reelprovideo.com
REEL PRO VIDEOREEL PRO VIDEORestoring your past to preserve the future
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Photos? Home Movies? Slides?
TRANSFER TO DVD
We HaulJUNKCheap!
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WE HAuL JuNK CHEAP!WE HAuL JuNK CHEAP!House Junk • Garage Junk • Yard Junk
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Call for a FREEEstimate
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Time forFall Cleaning
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ClaessonCarpet Cleaning
BUYING & SELLINGPaper Money & Coin Collections Appraised
Kane County Coins
Buying Old uS & Foreign Paper Money • uS & Foreign CoinsGold & Silver Jewelry & Coins
$ www.kanecountycoins.com
HONEST DISCREET
111 N. Main St (Rt 47) • Elburn • 630-365-9700
www.MonicaMancano.com
Monica MancanoREALTOR®, SRES®, MRP, AHWD1999 W. Galena Blvd, Aurora
(630)669-2401
AFFILIATED
Church Ladies With typewriters . . .They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced inchurch services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
-------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance toget rid of those things not worth keeping around the
house. Bring your husbands. --------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this wayagain,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
-------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't
know it, we have a nursery downstairs.--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. Theyneed all the help they can get.
-------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship thatbegan in their school days.
-------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening
in the church hall. Music will follow.--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen
to our choir practice. --------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to
the deterioration of some older ones.
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 7
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 8
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
(815) 827-3051
210 MAIN STREET • MAPLE PARK
PEG’S ON MAIN
~ Visit our Gift Shop ~for Cards, Home Decor & Gifts Galore
It’s Time For a New Fall Look!
Full Service Hair Salon for Men & Woman
Color - Cuts - Perms - Gift Shop
Gentle Chiropractic CareAcupuncture • Therapeutic Massage
Spinal Decompression Therapy
(630)375-9444 • 2166 Ogden Ave • Aurorawww.aurorachiropractor.net • Open Mon - Sat
HEALTHCARE CENTERDr. J. David Tejada
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$99 Acupuncture
Specialincludes evaluation + 4 sessions
Reg price $300
ANTIQUE - CLASSIC - SPECIAL INTEREST AUTOS
reasonable rates
Old Coach Works Restoration
Whether it’s a reliable driver or a Concours Grand Champion
Complete Restoration ServiceSeasonal Maintenance and Repairs
Body Repair-Painting-Electrical Repairs1206 Badger St ▪ Yorkville, IL
(630)553-0414 www.oldcoachworks.com
PINBALL MACHINESCOIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMESDART MACHINES
IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL
HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472 You have to Laugh
In March of 1992 a man living in Newton, Massachusetts received a bill on his as yet unusedcredit card stating that he owed $0.00. He threw itaway. In April he received another and tossed that one,too. The following month the credit card company senthim a nasty note stating they were going to cancel hiscard if he didn't send them $0.00. In retrospect, heprobably should have let them do that. Instead hecalled the company and was informed that (are youready for this?) the problem was the result of a computer error. They told him they'd take care ofit.The following month he reasoned that, if othercharges appeared on the card, then it would put an endto his ridiculous predicament. Besides, they assuredhim the problem would be resolved. So he presentedhis card for a purchase. It was declined. Once again hecalled.
He learned that the credit card had been cancelledfor lack of payment. They apologized for (here it isagain) another computer error and promised theywould rectify the situation.The next week he got a billfor $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that this bill was yet another mistake, heignored it. But the following month he received yetanother bill for $0.00 stating that he had ten days topay his account in full or the company would take necessary steps to recover the debt. He gave in. Hemailed in a check for $0.00. The computer dulyprocessed it and returned a statement to the effect thathis account was paid in full. A week later, the man'sbank called him asking him why he wrote a check for$0.00. He explained the problem at length. The bankreplied that the $0.00 check had caused their checkprocessing software to fail. The bank could not nowprocess ANY checks from ANY of their customers thatday because the check for $0.00 caused a computercrash. The following month the man received a letterfrom the credit card company claiming that his checkhad bounced, that he still owed $0.00 and, unless payment was sent immediately, they would instituteprocedures to collect his debt. This man, who had beenconsidering buying his wife a computer for herbirthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
630-352-84908 S. Van Buren • Batavia
Hatha Yoga ClassesWednesdays at 6pm
5 Classes for $50
(630)264-3800WWW.SHEDCRAFT.COM
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 8
LARGEST RV TOY HAULER DEALER IN ILLINOIS; HOLIDAY HOUR RV
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9
Family Owned & Operated for Over 45 Years!
Jayco Jay Flight #1 SellingTravel Trailer In America 13 Years And Counting...
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2017 Jayco Jay Feather 7 23RD
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2017 Jayco Jay Feather 7 19XuD
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2017 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 212qBW
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2017 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 245RLSW
2017 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 264BHW
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2017 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 265RLSW
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2017 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 287BHSW
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2017 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 32BDSW
2017 Jayco Jay Flight 23RB
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2017 Jayco Eagle HT 27.5 RKDS
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2017 Jayco Octane SuperLite 222
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2 In StockAS LOW AS $20,995
2017 Jayco SeismicWave 400W
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Sale Price$22,895
Retail $31,153 Savings $8,258
Closeout Prices on 2017 Models Only Good for 30 days. Expires 10/1/2017
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 9
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 10
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
• Thermal Pane Glass • Storms & ScreensReplacement
• Broken Window Repair• Shower Doors & Enclosures
• Commercial Storefronts• Decorative Glass
Call today!224-228-1000
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630-440-2213jfconcretelifting.com [email protected]
Serving Aurora IL and Surrounding AreasAll Projects Have 3 Year WarrantyDriveways • Sidewalks • Patios
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• Automotive - Import & Domestic• Heavy Duty Industrial• Agricultural Equipment• Construction Equipment• High Amp Alternators• Hot-Rods & Classic Cars• Recreational Vehicles• Lawn Equipment• Motorcycles • Snow Plows• Race Cars
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My Favorite HymnA southern minister was completing a temperance
sermon. With great statement he said, "If I had all thebeer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I hadall the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into theriver."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all thewhiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into theriver."
Sermon complete, he then sat down.The song leader stood very cautiously and
announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let ussing Hymn #365: Shall We Gather at the River".
How Important? I was watching a Brittish detective story on TV.
The local group was gathering in their hunting best for a fox hunt. In the opening scene my 9 year olddaughter wanted to know what the people were doing,noticing the formal hunting outfits and well groomedhorses. I replied that they were looking for a fox. Therewas a short stunned silence and then she asked: "Is it avery important fox?"
Webster's Dictionary Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster
would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But, as soonas he would start to say something, his wife would ask,"And what's that supposed to mean?"
And so, Webster's Dictionary was born.
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 10
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 11
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
EVERY SATURDAY
Check out our Double Action and Early Bird Progressive
PlaySkunks!
• Doors Open at 5pm • Bullseye Game at 6:50pm
Hall Rental Hall Rental AvailableAvailable
Call for Special Rates
• Full Bar with Specials on Bingo Night
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Resilience Home Health
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Our caring team of clinicians and caregivers are able to support a wide range of services to meet your needs
Home Care ServicesErrand Service • Activities of Daily Living Personal Care • Medication Reminders
Companionship • Meal Preparation Household Chores
Home Health ServiceBringing medical care in the convenience of your home for
nursing Care • Therapy Care • Social Work • nurses AideChildren's Proverbs A first grade teacher collected well known
proverbs. She gave each child in her class the firsthalf of a proverb and asked them to come up with theremainder of the proverb. Their insight may surpriseyou.
•Never underestimate the power of...termites. •Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
•No news is... impossible. •A miss is as good as a... Mr.
•You can't teach an old dog new... math. •If you lie down with dogs, you'll...
stink in the morning. •Love all, trust... me.
•The pen is mightier than the... pigs. •An idle mind is... the best way to relax. •Where there's smoke there's... pollution.
•A penny saved is... not much. •Don't put off till tomorrow what...
you put on to go to bed. •Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry
and... you have to blow your nose. •Children should be seen and not...
spanked or grounded. •If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
•You get out of something what you...see pictured on the box.
•When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.
JOB BENEFITSA salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a
policeman. Several months later, a friend asked himhow he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hoursaren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer isalways wrong!"
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OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 11
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 12
The Hummingbird Quiz
Bill Cleveland 815-751-1156
Quality PostFrame Buildings
www.pinnobuildings.com • 888-567-7166
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$398,000 Question...In general, what role does the male hummingbird have in building nests and feeding babies?A) Builds nest B) Feeds babiesC) Protects nest D) Nothing
$399,000 Question...How many hummingbird species have occurred in theUnited States?A) 15 B) 21C) 27 D) 33
$400,000 Question...How long is a Ruby-throated Hummingbird from tip ofbeak to tip of tail?A) 3 inches B) 4 inchesC) 6 inches D) 6 inches
$401,000 Question...How big is a hummingbird's egg?A) 1/4 inch B) 1/2 inchC) 3/4 inch D) 1 inch
$402,000 Question...Which hummingbird nests in Alaska?A) Black chinned B) Rufous C) Costa’s D) Bahama Woodstar
$403,000 Question...What do hummingbirds eat?A) Grass B) Nectar and small insectsC) Fish D) Squirrels
$404,000 Question...What is the name of the bright-colored patch on thethroats of most male hummingbirds?A) Gorget B) ShieldC) Flashback D) Oster
(True of False) Hummingbirds sing with their tails?(Answers below - See you next issue)
Answers: $398 - D $399 - C; $400 - A; $401 - B; $402 - B; $403 - B; $404 - A; True.
Elementary School Teacher Quiz Are You A TRUE Elementary School Teacher?
Let's Find Out: 1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their
scarves and mittens as they leave your home? 2. Do you move your dinner partner's glass away from
the edge of the table? 3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as
you enter a theater with a group of friends? 4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes? 5. Do you refer to happy hour as "snack time"? 6. Do you declare "no cuts" when a shopper squeezes
ahead of you in a checkout line? 7. Do you say "I like the way you did that" to the
mechanic who repairs your car nice? 8. Do you ask "Are you sure you did your best?" to the
mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?
9. Do you sing the "Alphabet Song" to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?
10. Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?
11. Do you fold your spouse's fingers over the coins as you hand him/her the money?
12. Do you ask a quiet person at a party if he has something to share with the group?
* If you answered yes to 4 or more, it's in your soul --you are hooked on teaching. And if you're not ateacher, you missed your calling.
* If you answered yes to 8 or more, well, maybe it's“too much” in your soul -- you should probably beginthinking about retirement.
* If you answered yes to all 12, forget it -- you'll“always” be a teacher, retired or not!
Sport Quotes "If everything seems under control, you're just not
going fast enough." ~ Mario Andretti."I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game
broke out." ~ Rodney Dangerfield."Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show
you a man who is playing golf with his boss."~Jim Murray.
5 ROOMS CLEANED$55FOR
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Homes • Offices • Move-In/Outs
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OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 12
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 13
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
The Horse BorderA man was going out of town and needed to board
his horse for a couple of months. He asked a localfarmer about it and was told, "Sure, but I charge $50per week, and I keep the manure." The fellow can't afford that, so the farmer referred him to ol' Jones,down the road.
When approached with the request, Jones said,"Yup, I can do it for $40 a week, and I keep the manure." This is still too much, so Jones suggested thathe try Mr. Brown.
When our desperate friend asked Mr. Brown, he issurprised to hear, "Sure, Sonny. I'll be glad to for $5 amonth." With delight, the young man exclaimed,"WOW! I suppose for that price you'll want to keep themanure."
The old man looked at him with kind of a squint,and replied, "Feller, for $5 a month, there ain't gonnabe none!"
•For Sale: Full set of Brittanica Encyclopedia, Excellent condition, no longer needed,
wife knows everything!
www.ChicagoInstrumentExchange.com
24 yearsin business
W_ S_ll R_fur\ish_^ B[n^ Instrum_ntsB[n^ Instrum_nts
Buy • S_ll • Tr[^_Exp_]t @ffor^[\l_ Pri]_s on qu[lity Instrum_nts
in]lu^ing Trump_ts, Trom\on_s, Cl[rin_ts [n^ Flut_s.
17 North River St • Batavia, IL
(630)879-2815 Instrum_ntEx]h[ng_
General Pro Painting & DrywallRalph - Supervisor
Residential & Commercial 630-885-7321 CelInsured & Bonded [email protected]
(815)514-5681
17 years Experience
THE SNOW WILL BEHERE BEFORE YOU
KNOW IT!
Advertise yourSnow Plow Services
in the Orange Peel Gazette
Contact Michelle at
815-751-1286
CURTISTOWING INC.
WE PAY CASHON THE SPOT!
7 DAYS AWEEK
24 Hrs 24 Hrs
WE BUY JUNK CARS WE BUY JUNK CARS FOR CASHFOR CASH
Any Condition • Running or Not • No Title - No ProblemAny Condition • Running or Not • No Title - No ProblemWe Come to You • Free Towing • Same Day Pick-upWe Come to You • Free Towing • Same Day Pick-up
(630)817-3577(630)817-3577
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Naperville www.CurtisTowingAndSalvage.com Aurora
Family Restaurant
With a minimumpurchase of $10
(before taxes) receive
$1 OFF* $10 order$2 OFF* $20 order$5 OFF* $35 order$10 OFF* $50 order
*not to be used with any other offer.
(630)892-11001700 S. Douglas Rd
Montgomery
Senior BreakfastMon - Fri
Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.
Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek
Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001
Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!
- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -
Hello Autumn
HOUrSMon - Sat
5:30am - 10pmSunday til 9pm
Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and jokesappearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not
meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 13
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality used
vehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a
carfax report and many arepriced in the
$3000 - $8000 range. View our inventory at
www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is located
in downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission is
to give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and
remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friends
in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales
69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543
630-554-9339www.hettsautosales.com
CASH PAIDWWII, WWI
Military uniforms,photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,
souvenirs, & older firearms.630-215-3664
Garage Doors by CurtSales and Service
We Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers
(630)276-3453
BUYING
AUTOMOTIVE
The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc
Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs,
Upholstery, RV’sResidential/Business/Rentals
www.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates
CARPET CLEANING
HANDYMAN
GARAGE DOORSEGGS FOR SALE
AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)
Licensed • 45 yrs ExpJust Call Al (630)514-6569
ELECTRICAL
Ed & Judie’s Chicken &Duck Egg Farm: Self Service
6S260 Hankes RdAurora (630)907-0775
Phil’s Cleaning ServiceNeed carpets cleaned?
R U Flooded? Best Prices Call 24/7 (847)800-7167
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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 14
CREDIT CARD PROCESSING
Over charged or under served?Free review of your current
credit card processing. Transnational processes forthe Orange Peel Gazette.
Call Charles 312-375-6691 Office help with computerskills. Must be organizedwith bookkeeping ability. Call Betsy 847-888-2001
Salon equipment perfect for home salon or update. rolling equipment stations,
hair chairs, shelves and more.
Call John 815-751-2496
For Sale Noritake China Bambina Pattern; Service for 6 + extra pieces. $149
847-836-0354
FOR SALE
HELP WANTED
WE HAVE THE CURE FORCH INE S I UM
Small Block Chevy StartersVirtually Bulletproof
Small or Big FlywheelOE Delco Remy Solenoid
HD Five Roller Drivew/Steel Internal Gears $149 - Call (815)756-9019
Cleaning Homes & OfficesMove in/out, Remodels
$25 off first time CustomerLety Cuevas 630-923-2766
CLEANING SERVICE
• Farm Windmill• 2 antique clawfoot bathtubs
• 2008 Triumph 850• 1975 Honda 650• Kawasaki 440
• Honda 350 DreamcycleCall 630-898-5320
CRAFTERS WANTED
Looking for Crafters for in-store and shows
in AuroraCall 630-809-1943 Knowledge in Construction
and tool usage. Valid driverslicense and good backgroundcheck. Speak English. JobTraining/fieldwork and li-censing $10 - $15 per hourdepending on experience.
Betsy 847-888-2001
FOR SALE
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 14
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESTHE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN • PAGE 15
PAINTING
Wanted to buy junk -Cars, Trucks, Farm
Equipment/MachinerySemi-Trucks Trailers
Free Pick UpCASH ON SPOT!(847)456-0974
Cash Paid for Old Fishing/Hunting
EquipmentCall Tim (630)327-1557
J & L BUILDERSBasement Finishing
Kitchen & Bath RemodelingFlood Damage Repair
Your Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates
(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS.COM
WANTED
RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - Exterior
Affordable & CleanOver 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured
(847)489-9907
Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, Trumpets
Double French Horns, Saxophones (847)951-7098
Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking
Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031
ROOM FOR RENT
Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified Arborist
Joe (224) 789 - 8773Northern Kane & Dupage Co
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OFFICE SERVICESSuperb Office Services
• Computer Classes• PC Diagnostic / Repair• Business Cards / Flyers• Desktop Publishing
Elgin – (847) 741-1007Superbofficeservices.com
Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior
Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years Experience
Free Estimates/Insured Now Offering Carpet Cleaning
(815)482-4155
Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, Tile
Pavers Retaining Walls 847-833-3384
MASONRY
J & D TREE CARE815-517-5042
Tree Trimming & Removalwww.JDTrees.com
Fully Insured & Bonded
AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;
Electrical - WallsBathrooms - Kitchens
PaintingHabla Espanol
(847)809-1102 Jesus
T.J. MACHININGWelding • CNC Machine Work
Mower Deck Repair630-401-7355 • 630-345-2695
MACHINING
LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)
Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free w/A & F
Beautiful Lawn & Tree Care630-585-0221
TREE SERVICE
LAWN CARE
Veronica &Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services
630-506-2895630-935-5287
HOUSE CLEANING
HOME BUSINESSYou started working a job to
pay your bills, why not a business that pays you. Get
started now and work on yourown terms. A small investmentto get started. Work F/T or P/T.
Call me (630)906-9521
INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT
Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341
Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial
(630)854-7716(630)859-7716
WINDOW CLEANING
General Housekeeper Wanted for Condo; light
laundry; Every 2nd TuesdayGilberts, IL (312)952-0550
HOUSEKEEPERWANTED
Next Issue Ad DeadlineSeptember 20 September 8
To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286
The Bishop We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our
church, and several former pastors and the bishopwere in attendance. At one point, our minister had thechildren gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Doesanyone know what the bishop does?"
There was silence. Finally, one little boy answeredgravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."
REMODELING
HELP WANTEDWork Home/ FT/PTSales/Travel Agents
Lucrative Pay -We Train +Free Vac. Worldwide
Interview 877 677 8282
Sandwich Delivery DriversNo Experience required
18+ w/valid driver’s license847-289-5646
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 15
LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON SEPTEMBER 20, 2017
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 16
RECYCLEThinkOrange
ThinkCash
CASH for your ScrapSteel, Copper, Aluminum & Cars
Trucking & DumpsterService Available
“Helping To Keep America Pickedup for 40 Years” TM
R. Zimmerman301 Industrial Dr
DeKalb(815)756-8600
For Advertising: Michelle (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected] • Mailing: PO Box 703, DeKalb, IL 60115
Download your FREE copy: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
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Trimming • Pruning • Stump Removal • GrindingCabling and Bracing Damaged Trees
Landscaping • Mulch Services • Firewood(630)677-2722 • www.HenryTree.com
Large TreeRemoval
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If there’s any delay, it’s you we pay! TM630-262-8484
Call Ben Franklin Plumbing Today!
School Question Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a
question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
OPG 9-6-17_Layout 1 8/30/2017 10:42 AM Page 16