OWNERSHIP: PART OWNERSHIP: PART 22Examples of Boundaries in Examples of Boundaries in Relationships:Relationships:

PHYSICAL/MENTAL/ PHYSICAL/MENTAL/ EMOTIONAL:EMOTIONAL:

Physical ClosenessPhysical ClosenessTouchingTouchingSexual BehaviorSexual BehaviorEye ContactEye ContactPrivacy: Mail, email, diary, Privacy: Mail, email, diary, doors, nudity, bathroom, doors, nudity, bathroom, telephone, cell phone, private telephone, cell phone, private spaces, etc.spaces, etc.Clothes and GiftsClothes and GiftsBeliefsBeliefsThoughts and IdeasThoughts and IdeasFeelingsFeelingsDecisionsDecisions

ChoicesChoicesNeedsNeedsTime AloneTime AloneIndividual DifferencesIndividual DifferencesInterestsInterestsRelationshipsRelationshipsResponsibilitiesResponsibilitiesConfidencesConfidencesSecretsSecretsParticipationParticipationRoles Roles Rules Rules Personal ExperiencesPersonal Experiences

"I" Statements:"I" Statements:We can communicate our feelings and needs most effectively by speaking We can communicate our feelings and needs most effectively by speaking calmly and kindly, but firmly, and by using "I" statements. I-Statements give our calmly and kindly, but firmly, and by using "I" statements. I-Statements give our partner information about us, and they do it in a way that's far less threatening partner information about us, and they do it in a way that's far less threatening than the alternative: You-Statements. They form the bedrock for cooperation than the alternative: You-Statements. They form the bedrock for cooperation because they connect people, build trust, and create healthier, more open and because they connect people, build trust, and create healthier, more open and honest relationships.honest relationships.

DO state the facts objectively DO state the facts objectively in a way that the other person can agree with.in a way that the other person can agree with.DON’T generalize, exaggerate, or judge with the facts DON’T generalize, exaggerate, or judge with the facts  for example, stay  for example, stay away from phrases like "you always…" "we never…" "every time I…."away from phrases like "you always…" "we never…" "every time I…."DO talk about a change in behavior, rather than attitude DO talk about a change in behavior, rather than attitude “I want you to stop “I want you to stop teasing me about my hair” rather than “I want you to stop being teasing me about my hair” rather than “I want you to stop being sosomean.” which mean.” which conveys judgement. "When you tease me about my hair, I feel ________. conveys judgement. "When you tease me about my hair, I feel ________. Please stop teasing me about it."Please stop teasing me about it."DO deal with one issue at a time.DO deal with one issue at a time.

DON’T let interruptions distract you.DON’T let interruptions distract you.  Wait for the person to stop and then get   Wait for the person to stop and then get back on target.back on target.DO be specific. DO be specific.  For example, “I want to have dinner at Sarah’s on Fridays”  For example, “I want to have dinner at Sarah’s on Fridays” instead of “I want more free time.”instead of “I want more free time.”

Someone who has not learned to respect the boundaries of others tends to look Someone who has not learned to respect the boundaries of others tends to look upon people with an objectified eye. They perceive individuals not for who they are upon people with an objectified eye. They perceive individuals not for who they are - genuine, unique souls -- but rather, tend to identify them by the roles they play. - genuine, unique souls -- but rather, tend to identify them by the roles they play. Wife. Mother. Patient. Stranger. All healthy communication and interaction is based Wife. Mother. Patient. Stranger. All healthy communication and interaction is based on the recognition of mutual boundaries - recognizing the boundaries of others and on the recognition of mutual boundaries - recognizing the boundaries of others and respecting one's own boundary system…respecting one's own boundary system…

HAVE A BLESSED DAY AS A NEW HAVE A BLESSED DAY AS A NEW CREATION…CREATION…