THISISABORZOIBOOKPUBLISHEDBYALFREDA.KNOPF

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentseitheraretheproductoftheauthorsimaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

Textcopyright2014byR.J.PalacioCoverartcopyright2014byTadCarpenter

Allrightsreserved.PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyAlfredA.Knopf,animprintofRandomHouseChildrensBooks,adivisionofRandomHouseLLC,aPenguinRandomHouseCompany,NewYork.

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Contents

CoverTitlePageCopyrightEpigraph

BeforeOrdinaryTheCallMr.TushmanFirstLookScaredClassPicturePhotoshopMeanPartyTeamJulianDr.JansensOfficeEvidenceTheVerdictOutofSchoolSpringMr.Tushman

AfterSummerVacationMr.BrowneGrandmresStoryTourteauJulianMyDreamGoingHomeUnexpectedStartingOverNewYork

AbouttheAuthorChooseKind

Bekind,foreveryoneyoumeetisfightingahardbattle.

IanMaclaren

PerhapsIhavecreatedthestarsandthesunandthisenormoushouse,butInolongerremember.

JorgeLuisBorges,TheHouseofAsterion

Fearcanthurtyouanymorethanadream.

WilliamGolding,LordoftheFlies

Okay,okay,okay.Iknow,Iknow,Iknow.IhaventbeennicetoAugustPullman!Bigdeal.Itsnottheendoftheworld,people!Letsstopwiththedrama,okay?Theresa

wholebigworldoutthere,andnoteveryoneisnicetoeveryoneelse.Thatsjustthewayitis.So,canyoupleasegetover it? I think its time tomoveonandgetonwithyour life,dontyou?Jeez!Idontgetit.Ireallydont.Oneminute,Imlike,themostpopularkidinthefifthgrade.

Andthenextminute,Imlike,Idontknow.Whatever.Thisbites.Thiswholeyearbites!IwishAuggiePullmanhadnevercometoBeecherPrepinthefirstplace!IwishhehadkepthiscreepylittlefacehiddenawaylikeinThePhantomoftheOperaorsomething.Putamaskon,Auggie!Getyour faceoutofmy face,please.Everythingwouldbea loteasier ifyouwouldjustdisappear.Atleastforme.Imnotsayingitsapicnicforhim,either,bytheway.Iknowitcantbe

easy forhim to look in themirror everyday,orwalkdown the street.But thatsnotmyproblem.Myproblemisthateverythingsdifferentsincehesbeencomingtomyschool.Thekidsaredifferent.Imdifferent.Anditsucksbig-time.Iwisheverythingwasthewayitusedtobeinthefourthgrade.Wehadso,so,somuch

funbackthen.Wewouldplaytackle-tagintheyard,andnottobrag,buteveryonealwayswantedapieceofme,youknow?Imjustsayin.Everyonealwayswantedtobemypartnerwhenweddosocialstudiesprojects.AndeveryonealwayslaughedwhenIsaidsomethingfunny.At lunchtime, Id always sit with my peeps, and we were like, it. We were totally it.

Henry.Miles.Amos.Jack.Wewereit!Itwassocool.Wehadallthesesecretjokes.Littlehandsignalsforstuff.I dont knowwhy that had to change. I dont knowwhy everyone got so stupid about

stuff.Actually,Idoknowwhy:itwasbecauseofAuggiePullman.Themomentheshowedup,

thatswhenthingsstoppedbeingthewaytheyusedtobe.Everythingwastotallyordinary.Andnowthingsaremessedup.Anditsbecauseofhim.AndMr.Tushman.Infact,itskindoftotallyMr.Tushmansfault.

IrememberMommadeabigdealaboutthecallwegotfromMr.Tushman.Atdinnerthatnight,shewentonandonaboutwhatabighonor itwas.Themiddle-schooldirectorhadcalledusathometoaskifIcouldbeawelcomebuddytosomenewkidinschool.Wow!Bignews!MomactedlikeIwonanOscarorsomething.Shesaiditshowedherthattheschoolreallydidrecognizewhothespecialkidswere,whichshethoughtwasawesome.MomhadnevermetMr.Tushmanbefore,becausehewasthemiddle-schooldirectorandIwasstillinthelowerschool,butshecouldntstopravingabouthownicehedbeenonthephone.Momsalwaysbeenkindofabigwigatschool.Shesonthisboardoftrusteesthing,which

Idontevenknowwhat it isbutapparently itsabigdeal.Shesalwaysvolunteering forstuff, too.Like, shesalwaysbeen theclassmomforeverygrade Ivebeen inatBeecher.Always.Shedoesalotfortheschool.So, theday Iwas supposed tobeawelcomebuddy, shedroppedmeoff in frontof the

middleschool.Shewantedtotakemeinside,butIwaslike,Mom,itsmiddleschool!ShetookthehintanddroveoffbeforeIwentinside.CharlotteCodyandJackWillwerealreadyinthefrontlobby,andwesaidhellotoeach

other.JackandIdidourpeepshandshakeandwesaidhellotothesecurityguard.ThenwewentuptoMr.Tushmansoffice.Itwassoweirdbeingintheschoolwhentherewasnoonethere!Dude, we could totally skateboard in here and no one would know! I said to Jack,

runningandglidingonthesmoothfloorofthehallwayafterthesecurityguardcouldntseeusanymore.Ha,yeah, saidJack,but Inoticed that thecloserwegot toMr.Tushmansoffice, the

quieterJackgot.Infact,hekindoflookedlikehewasgoingtoblowchunks.Aswegotnearthetopofthestairs,hestopped.Idontwanttodothis!hesaid.Istoppednexttohim.Charlottehadalreadygottentothetoplanding.Comeon!shesaid.Yourenottheboss!Ianswered.Sheshookherheadandrolledhereyesatme.IlaughedandnudgedJackwithmyelbow.

WelovedeggingCharlotteCodyon.ShewasalwayssuchaGoodyTwo-shoes!Thisissomessedup,saidJack,rubbinghishandoverhisface.Whatis?Iasked.Doyouknowwhothisnewkidis?heasked.Ishookmyhead.Youknowwhoheis,right?JacksaidtoCharlotte,lookingupather.Charlottewalkeddownthestairstowardus.Ithinkso,shesaid.Shemadeaface,like

shehadjusttastedsomethingbad.Jackshookhisheadandthensmackeditthreetimeswithhispalm.Imsuchanidiotforsayingyestothis!hesaid,histeethclenched.Wait,whoisit?Isaid.IpushedJacksshouldersohedlookatme.

ItsthatkidcalledAugust,hesaidtome.Youknow,thekidwiththeface?Ihadnoideawhohewastalkingabout.Are you kiddingme? said Jack. Youve never seen that kid before? He lives in this

neighborhood! He hangs out in the playground sometimes. You have to have seen him.Everyonehas!Hedoesntliveinthisneighborhood,answeredCharlotte.Yeshedoes!Jackansweredimpatiently.No,Juliandoesntliveinthisneighborhood,sheanswered,justasimpatiently.Whatdoesthathavetodowithanything?Isaid.Whatever! Jack interrupted. It doesnt matter. Trust me, dude, youve never seen

anythinglikethisbefore.Pleasedontbemean,Jack,Charlottesaid.Itsnotnice.Imnotbeingmean!saidJack.Imjustbeingtruthful.What,exactly,doeshelooklike?Iasked.Jack didnt answer. He just stood there, shaking his head. I looked at Charlotte, who

frowned.Youllsee,shesaid.Lets justgoalready,okay?Sheturnedaroundandwentupthe

stairsanddisappeareddownthehalltoMr.Tushmansoffice.Letsjustgoalready,okay?IsaidtoJack,imitatingCharlotteperfectly.Ithoughtthis

wouldtotallymakehimlaugh,butitdidnt.Jack,dude,comeon!Isaid.Ipretendedtogivehimahardslapintheface.Thisactuallydidmakehimlaughabit,

andhethrewaslow-motionpunchbackatme.Thisledtoaquickgameofspleen,whichiswherewetrytojabeachotherintheribcage.Guys, letsgo!Charlottecommandedfromthetopofthestairs.Shehadcomebackto

getus.Guys,letsgo!IwhisperedtoJack,andthistimehedidkindoflaugh.ButassoonasweroundedthecornerofthehallwayandgottoMr.Tushmansoffice,we

allgotprettyserious.Whenwewent inside,Mrs.Garcia toldus towait inNurseMollys office,whichwasa

smallroomtothesideofMr.Tushmansoffice.Wedidntsayanythingtoeachotherwhilewewaited.Iresistedthetemptationtomakeaballoonoutofthelatexglovesthatwereinaboxbytheexamtable,thoughIknowitwouldhavemadeeveryonelaugh.

Mr.Tushmancameintotheoffice.Hewastall,kindofthin,withmessygrayhair.Hey, guys, he said, smiling. Im Mr. Tushman. You must be Charlotte. He shook

Charlotteshand.Andyouare?Helookedatme.Julian,Isaid.Julian,herepeated,smiling.Heshookmyhand.AndyoureJackWill,hesaidtoJack,andshookhishand,too.HesatdownonthechairnexttoNurseMollysdesk.Firstofall,Ijustwanttothankyou

guys somuch for cominghere today. I know its ahotday andyouprobablyhaveotherstuffyouwanttodo.Howsthesummerbeentreatingyou?Okay?Weallkindofnodded,lookingateachother.Howsthesummerbeenforyou?Iaskedhim.Oh,soniceofyoutoask,Julian!heanswered.Itsbeenagreatsummer,thankyou.

Though Iamseriously looking forward to the fall. Ihate thishotweather.Hepulledhisshirt.Imsoreadyforthewinter.Allthreeofuswerebobbingourheadsupanddownlikedoofballsatthispoint.Idont

knowwhygrown-upseverbotherchitchattingwithkids.Itjustmakesusfeelweird.Imean,IpersonallyamprettyokaytalkingtoadultsmaybebecauseItravelalotandIvetalkedtoalotofadultsbeforebutmostkidsreallydontliketalkingtogrown-ups.Thatsjustthewayitis.Like,ifIseetheparentofsomefriendofmineandwerenotactuallyinschool,ItrytoavoideyecontactsoIdonthavetotalktothem.Itstooweird.Itsalsoreallyweirdwhen you bump into a teacher outside of school. Like, one time I saw my third-gradeteacheratarestaurantwithherboyfriend,and Iwas like,ewww! Idontwant to seemyteacherhangingoutwithherboyfriend,youknow?Anyway,sotherewewere,me,Charlotte,andJack,noddingawayliketotalbobbleheads

as Mr. Tushman went on and on about the summer. But finallyfinally!he got to thepoint.So,guys,hesaid,kindofslappinghishandsagainsthisthighs.Itsreallyniceofyouto

giveupyourafternoontodothis.Inafewminutes,Imgoingtointroduceyoutotheboywhoscomingtomyoffice,andIjustwantedtogiveyouaheads-upabouthimbeforehand.Imean,Itoldyourmomsalittlebitabouthimdidtheytalktoyou?CharlotteandJackbothnodded,butIshookmyhead.Mymomjustsaidhedhadabunchofsurgeries,Isaid.Well,yes,answeredMr.Tushman.Butdidsheexplainabouthisface?I have to say, this is thepointwhen I started thinking,Okay,what the heck am I doing

here?Imean,Idontknow,Isaid,scratchingmyhead.ItriedtothinkbacktowhatMomhad

toldme. Ihadnt reallypaidattention. I thinkmostof the timeshewasgoingonandonaboutwhatanhonoritwasthatIdbeenchosen:shereallydidntemphasizethattherewassomethingwrongwiththekid.Shesaidthatyousaidthekidhadalotofscarsandstuff.Likehedbeeninafire.

Ididntquitesaythat,saidMr.Tushman,raisinghiseyebrows.WhatItoldyourmomisthatthisboyhasaseverecraniofacialdifferenceOh,rightrightright!Iinterrupted,becausenowIremembered.Shedidusethatword.

Shesaiditwaslikeacleftliporsomething.Mr.Tushmanscruncheduphisface.Well,hesaid,liftinghisshouldersandtiltinghisheadleftandright,itsalittlemore

thanthat.Hegotupandpattedmyshoulder.ImsorryifIdidntmakethatcleartoyourmom.Inanycase,Idontmeantomakethisawkwardforyou.Infact,itsexactlybecauseIdontwantittobeawkwardthatImtalkingtoyourightnow.Ijustwantedtogiveyouaheads-upthatthisboydefinitelylooksverydifferentfromotherchildren.Andthatsnotasecret.Heknowshelooksdifferent.Hewasbornthatway.Hegetsthat.Hesagreatkid.Very smart. Very nice. Hes never gone to a regular school before because he washomeschooled,youknow,becauseofallhissurgeries.SothatswhyIjustwantyouguystoshowhimaroundabit,gettoknowhim,behiswelcomebuddies.Youcantotallyaskhimquestions, if you want. Talk to him normally. Hes really just a normal kid with a facethatyouknow, isnotsonormal.He lookedatusandtookadeepbreath.Ohboy, IthinkIvejustmadeyouallmorenervous,haventI?Weshookourheads.Herubbedhisforehead.You know, he said, one of the things you learn when you get old like me is that

sometimes,anewsituationwillcomealong,andyoullhavenoideawhattodo.Theresnorulebook that tells youhow toact in everygiven situation in life, youknow?Sowhat Ialwayssayisthatitsalwaysbettertoerronthesideofkindness.Thatsthesecret.Ifyoudontknowwhattodo,justbekind.Youcantgowrong.WhichiswhyIaskedyouthreetohelpmeouthere,because Idheard fromyour lower-school teachers thatyoureall reallynicekids.Wedidntknowwhattosaytothis,sowealljustkindofsmiledlikegoobers.Just treat him like youwould treat any kid youve justmet, he said. Thats all Im

tryingtosay.Okay,guys?Wenoddedatthesametimenow,too.Bobblingheads.Youguysrock,hesaid.So,relax,waithereabit,andMrs.Garciawillcomeandget

youinafewminutes.Heopenedthedoor.And,guys,really,thanksagainfordoingthis.Itsgoodkarmatodogood.Itsamitzvah,youknow?Withthat,hesmiled,winkedatus,andlefttheroom.Allthreeofusexhaledatthesametime.Welookedateachother,oureyeskindofwide.Okay,Jacksaid,IdontknowwhattheheckkarmaisandIdontknowwhattheheck

mitzvahis!Thismadeusalllaughalittle,thoughitwaskindofanervoustypeoflaugh.

Imnotgoingtogointodetailabouttherestofwhathappenedthatday.Imjustgoingtopointoutthat,forthefirsttimeinhislife,Jackhadnotexaggerated.Infact,hehaddonetheopposite.Isthereawordthatmeanstheoppositeofexaggerated?Unexaggerated?Idontknow.ButJackhadtotallynotexaggeratedaboutthiskidsface.The first look I got ofAugust,well, itmademewant to covermy eyes and run away

screaming.Bam.Iknowthatsoundsmean,andImsorryaboutthat.Butitsthetruth.AndanyonewhosaysthatthatsnottheirfirstreactionwhenseeingAuggiePullmanisntbeinghonest.Seriously.I totally would have walked out the door after I saw him, but I knew I would get in

troubleifIdid.SoIjustkeptlookingatMr.Tushman,andItriedtolistentowhathewassaying,butallIheardwasyakyakyakyakyakbecausemyearswereburning.Inmyhead,Iwaslike,Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!IthinkIsaidthatwordathousandtimestomyself.Idontknowwhy.Atsomepoint,heintroducedustoAuggie.Ahh!IthinkIactuallyshookhishand.Triple

ahh!Iwantedtozoomoutoftheresofastandwashmyhand.ButbeforeIknewwhatwashappening,wewereheadedoutthedoor,downthehallway,andupthestairs.Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!IcaughtJackseyeasweweregoingupthestairstohomeroom.Iopenedmyeyesreally

wideathimandmouthedthewords,Noway!Jackmouthedback,Itoldyou!

When Iwas about five, I rememberwatching an episode of SpongeBob one night, and acommercialcameonTVthattotallyfreakedmeout.ItwasafewdaysbeforeHalloween.Alotofcommercialscameonduringthattimeofyearthatwerekindofscary,butthisonewasforanewteenthrillerIdneverheardaboutbefore.Suddenly,whileIwaswatchingthecommercial, a close-up of a zombies face popped up on the screen.Well, it totally andcompletely terrifiedme. Imean, terrifiedme like thekindof terrifiedwhereyouactuallyrunoutoftheroomscreamingwithyourarmsintheair.TERRRRR-IFFF-FIED!Afterthat,Iwassoscaredofseeingthatzombiefaceagain,IstoppedwatchinganyTV

until Halloweenwas over and themoviewas no longer playing in theaters. Seriously, IstoppedwatchingTVcompletelythatshowscaredIwas!Not too long after that, I was on a playdate with some kidwhose name I dont even

remember. And this kidwas really intoHarry Potter, sowe startedwatching one of theHarryPottermovies(Idneverseenanyofthembefore).Well,whenIsawVoldemortsfacefor the first time, the same thing happened that had happened when the Halloweencommercialcameon. I startedscreaminghysterically,wailing likea totalbaby. Itwassobad,thekidsmothercouldntcalmmedown,andshehadtocallmymothertocomepickmeup.Mymomgot reallyannoyedat thekidsmomfor lettingmewatch themovie, sothey ended up getting into an argument andlong story shortI never had anotherplaydate there again. But anyway, between the Halloween zombie commercial andVoldemortsnoselessface,Iwaskindofamess.Then,unfortunately,mydad tookmeto themoviesataroundthat sametime.Again, I

wasonlyaboutfive.Maybesixbynow.Itshouldnthavebeenanissue:themoviewewenttoseewasratedG,totallyfine,notscaryatall.ButoneofthetrailersthatcameonwasforScaryFairy, amovie about demon fairies. I knowfairies are so lame!andwhen I lookbackIcantbelieveIwassoscaredofthisstuff,butIfreakedoutatthistrailer.Mydadhadto take me out of the theater becauseyet again!I couldnt stop crying. It was soembarrassing!Imean,beingscaredoffairies?Whatsnext?Flyingponies?CabbagePatchdolls?Snowflakes?Itwascrazy!ButthereIwas,shakingandscreamingasIleftthemovietheater,hidingmyfaceinmydadscoat.Imsuretherewerethree-year-oldsintheaudiencewhowerelookingatmelikeIwasthebiggestloser!Thats the thing about being scared, though. You cant control it.When youre scared,

yourescared.Andwhenyourescared,everythingseemsscarierthanitordinarilywouldbeeventhingsthatarent.Everythingthatscaresyoukindofmushestogethertobecomethisbig, terrifying feeling. Its like youre covered in this blanket of fear, and this blanket ismadeoutofbrokenglassanddogpoopandoozypusandbloodyzombiezits.Istartedhavingawfulnightmares.Everynight,Idwakeupscreaming.Itgottoapoint

whereIwasafraidtogotosleepbecauseIdidntwanttohaveanothernightmare,sothenIstartedsleepinginmyparentsbed.IwishIcouldsaythiswasjustforacoupleofnights,but itwent like this for sixweeks. Iwouldnt let them turn off the lights. I had a panicattackeverytimeIstarteddriftingoff tosleep. Imean,mypalmswould literallystart to

sweatandmyheartwouldstarttorace,andIdstarttocryandscreambeforegoingtobed.My parents tookme to see a feelings doctor,which I only later realizedwas a child

psychologist.Dr.Patelhelpedmealittlebit.ShesaidwhatIwasexperiencingwerenightterrors,anditdidhelpmetotalkaboutthemwithher.ButIthinkwhatreallygotmeoverthenightmareswere theDiscoveryChannelnaturevideosmymombroughthome formeoneday.Woo-hooforthosenaturevideos!Everynight,wedpoponeofthemintotheDVDplayer and Id fall asleep to the soundof someguywithanEnglishaccent talkingaboutmeerkatsorkoalasorjellyfish.Eventually, Ididgetoverthenightmares,though.Everythingwentbacktonormal.But

everyonceinawhile,IdhavewhatMomwouldcallaminorsetback.Like,forinstance,althoughIloveStarWarsnow,theveryfirsttimeIsawStarWars:EpisodeII,whichwasatabirthday sleepoverwhen Iwas eight, I had to textmymom to comegetmeat twoa.m.becauseIcouldntfallasleep:everytimeIdclosemyeyes,DarthSidioussfacewouldpopintomyhead. It tookabout threeweeksofnaturevideos togetover that setback (and Istoppedgoingtosleepoversforaboutayearafterthat,too).Then,whenIwasnine,IsawLord of theRings: The TwoTowers for the first time, and the same thing happened tomeagain,thoughthistimeitonlytookmeaboutaweektogetoverGollum.BythetimeIturnedten,though,allthosenightmareshadprettymuchgoneaway.Even

thefearofhavinganightmarewasgonebythen,too.Like,ifIwasatHenryshouseandhewouldsay,Hey, letswatchascarymovie,myfirstreactionwasnttothink,No, Imighthaveanightmare!(whichiswhatitusedtobe).Myfirstreactionwouldbelike,Yeah,cool!Wheres the popcorn? I finally started being able to see all kinds ofmovies again. I evenstarted getting into zombie apocalypse stuff, and none of it ever bothered me. Thatnightmarestuffwasallbehindme.OratleastIthoughtitwas.But then, the night after I met Auggie Pullman, I started having nightmares again. I

couldntbelieveit.Notjustpassingbaddreams,butthefull-blown,heart-pounding,wake-up-screamingkindofnightmares Iused tohavewhen Iwasa littlekid.Only, Iwasnt alittlekidanymore.Iwas inthe fifthgrade!Elevenyearsold!Thiswasntsupposedtobehappeningtome

anymore!ButthereIwasagainwatchingnaturevideostohelpmefallasleep.

ItriedtodescribewhatAuggielookedliketomymom,butshedidntgetituntiltheschoolpicturesarrivedinthemail.Upuntilthen,shedneverreallyseenhim.Shedbeenawayona business trip during the Thanksgiving Sharing Festival, so she didnt see him then. OnEgyptian Museum day, Auggies face had been covered with mummy gauze. And therehadnt been any after-school concerts yet. So, the first timeMom sawAuggie and finallystarted understandingmy nightmare situationwaswhen she opened that large envelopewithmyclasspictureinit.It was actually kind of funny. I can tell you exactly how she reacted because I was

watchingherassheopenedit.First,sheexcitedlyslitopenthetopoftheenvelopewithaletteropener.Then,shepulledoutmyindividualportrait.Sheputherhandonherchest.Awww, Julian, you look so handsome! she said. Im so glad you wore that tie

Grandmresentyou.Iwaseatingsomeicecreamatthekitchentable,andjustsmiledandnoddedather.ThenIwatchedhertaketheclasspictureoutoftheenvelope.Inlowerschool,everyclass

would get its own picture takenwith its own teacher, but inmiddle school, its just onegrouppictureoftheentirefifthgrade.Sosixtykidsstandinginfrontoftheentrancetotheschool.Fifteenkids ineachrow.Fourrows. Iwas in thebackrow, inbetweenAmosandHenry.Momwaslookingatthephotowithasmileonherface.Oh,thereyouare!shesaidwhenshespottedme.Shecontinuedlookingatthepicturewithasmileonherface.Ohmy, lookathowbigMilesgot! saidMom.And is thatHenry?He looks likehes

gettingamustache!AndwhoisAndthenshestoppedtalking.Thesmileonher facestayedfrozen forasecondor two,

andthenherfaceslowlytransformedintoastateofshock.Sheputthephotodownandstaredblanklyinfrontofher.Thenshelookedatthephoto

again.Thenshelookedatme.Shewasntsmiling.This is the kid youve been talking about? she asked me. Her voice had completely

changedfromthewayitsoundedmomentsbefore.Itoldyou,Ianswered.Shelookedatthepictureagain.Thisisntjustacleftpalate.Nooneeversaiditwasacleftpalate,Isaidtoher.Mr.Tushmanneversaidthat.Yeshedid.Onthephonethattime.No,Mom,Iansweredher.Whathesaidwasfacialissues,andyoujustassumedthat

hemeantcleftpalate.Butheneveractuallysaidcleftpalate.I could swear he said the boy had a cleft palate, she answered, but this is somuch

worsethanthat.Shereallylookedstunned.Shecouldntstopstaringatthephoto.Whatdoeshehave,exactly?Ishedevelopmentallydelayed?Helookslikehemightbe.Idontthinkso,Isaid,shrugging.

Doeshetalkokay?Hekindofmumbles,Ianswered.Heshardtounderstandsometimes.Momputthepicturedownonthetableandsatdown.Shestartedtappingherfingerson

thetable.Imtryingtothinkofwhohismotheris,shesaid,shakingherhead.Therearesomany

newparentsintheschool,Icantthinkofwhoitmightbe.Issheblond?No,shehasdarkhair,Ianswered.Iseeheratdrop-offsometimes.Doesshelookliketheson?Ohno,notatall,Isaid.Isatdownnexttoherandpickedupthepicture,squintingatit

somyeyeswouldntseeittooclearly.Auggiewasinthefrontrow,allthewayontheleft.Itoldyou,Mom.Youdidntbelieveme,butItoldyou.Its not that I didnt believe you, she answered defensively. Im just kind

ofsurprised.Ididntrealizeitwasthissevere.Oh,IthinkIknowwhosheis,hismom.Issheverypretty,kindofexotic,hasdarkwavyhair?What?Isaid,shrugging.Idontknow.Shesamom.I thinkIknowwhoshe is,answeredMom,noddingtoherself.Isawheronparents

night.Herhusbandshandsome,too.Ihavenoidea,Isaid,shakingmyhead.Oh,thosepoorpeople!Sheputherhandoverherheart.NowyougetwhyIvebeenhavingnightmaresagain?Iaskedher.Sheranherhandsthroughmyhair.Butareyoustillhavingnightmares?sheasked.Yes.NoteverynightlikeIdidforthefirstmonthofschool,butyeah!Isaid,throwing

thepicturedownonthetabletop.WhydidhehavetocometoBeecherPrep,anyway?IlookedatMom,whodidntknowwhattosay.Shestartedputtingthepicturebackinto

theenvelope.Donteven thinkofputting that inmyschoolalbum,by theway, I said loudly. You

shouldjustburnitorsomething.Julian,shesaid.Then,outoftheblue,Istartedcrying.Oh,mydarling!saidMom,kindofsurprised.Shehuggedme.Icanthelpit,Mom,Isaidthroughmytears.IhatethatIhavetoseehimeveryday!That night, I had the same nightmare Ive been having since the start of school. Im

walkingdownthemainhallway,andallthekidsareinfrontoftheirlockers,staringatme,whisperingaboutmeasIwalkpastthem.IkeepwalkingupthestairwelluntilIgettothebathroom,andthenIlookinthemirror.WhenIseemyself,though,itsnotmeImseeing.ItsAuggie.AndthenIscream.

Thenextmorning,IoverheardMomandDadtalkingastheyweregettingreadyforwork.Iwasgettingdressedforschool.Theyshouldhavedonemoretopreparethekids,MomsaidtoDad.Theschoolshould

havesenthomealetterorsomething,Idontknow.Comeon,answeredDad.Sayingwhat?Whatcantheypossiblysay?Theresahomely

kidinyourclass?Comeon.Itsmuchmorethanthat.Letsnotmaketoobigadealaboutit,Melissa.You havent seen him, Jules, saidMom. Its quite severe. Parents should have been

told.Ishouldhavebeentold!EspeciallywithJuliansanxietyissues.Anxiety issues? I yelled frommy room. I ran into their bedroom. You think I have

anxietyissues?No,Julian,saidDad.Noonessayingthat.Momjustsaidthat!Ianswered,pointingatMom.Ijustheardhersayanxietyissues.

What,soyouguysthinkIhavementalproblems?No!theybothsaid.JustbecauseIgetnightmares?No!theyyelled.Itsnotmyfaulthegoestomyschool!Icried.Itsnotmyfaulthisfacefreaksmeout!Ofcourseitsnot,darling,saidMom.Nooneissayingthat.AllImeantisthatbecause

ofyourhistoryofnightmares,theschoolshouldhavealertedme.ThenatleastIwouldhaveknown better about the nightmares youre having. I would have known what triggeredthem.I sat down on the edge of their bed. Dad had the class picture in his hands and had

obviouslyjustbeenlookingatit.Ihopeyoureplanningonburningthat,Isaid.AndIwasntjoking.No, darling, said Mom, sitting on the other side of me. We dont need to burn

anything.LookwhatIvedone.Shepickedupadifferentphotofromthenightstandandhandedit tometo lookat.At

first,Ithoughtitwasjustanothercopyoftheclasspicture,becauseitwasexactlythesamesizeastheclasspictureDadhadinhishands,andeverythinginitwasexactlythesame.Istartedtolookawayindisgust,butMompointedtoaplaceonthephototheplacewhereAuggieusedtobe!Hewasnowhereinthephoto.Icouldntbelieveit!Therewasnotraceofhim!IlookedupatMom,whowasbeaming.ThemagicofPhotoshop!shesaidhappily,clappingherhands.Nowyoucan lookat

thispictureandnothavetohaveyourmemoryoffifthgradetarnished,shesaid.Thatssocool!Isaid.Howdidyoudothat?IvegottenprettygoodatPhotoshop,sheanswered.Rememberlastyear,howImade

alltheskiesblueintheHawaiipictures?

Youwouldneverhaveknownitrainedeveryday,answeredDad,shakinghishead.Laughifyouwant,saidMom.Butnow,whenIlookatthosepictures,Idonthaveto

be reminded of the bad weather that almost ruined our trip. I can remember it for thebeautiful vacation that itwas!Which is exactly how Iwant you to remember your fifth-gradeyearatBeecherPrep.Okay,Julian?Goodmemories.Notuglyones.Thanks,Mom!Isaid,hugginghertightly.I didnt say it, of course, but even though she changed the skies to light blue on the

photos,all I ever really rememberedaboutourHawaii tripwashowcoldandwet itwaswhenweweretheredespitethemagicofPhotoshop.

Look, Ididnt startoutbeingmean. Imean, Imnotameankid!Sure, sometimes Imakejokes,but theyrenotmean jokes.Theyre just teasing jokes.Peoplehave to lightenupalittle! Okay, maybe sometimes my jokes are a little mean, but I only make those jokesbehindsomeonesback.Ineversaystufftoanyonesfacethatwillactuallyhurtsomeone.Imnotabullylikethat!Imnotahater,dudes!Attention,people!Stopbeingsosensitive!Somepeople totally got thewhole Photoshop thing, and somedidnt.Henry andMiles

thoughtitwassocoolandwantedmymomtoemailtheirmomsthephoto.Amosthoughtitwas weird.Charlotte completelydisapproved. IdontknowwhatJack thought,becausehehadgoneovertothedarksidebynow.ItslikehetotallyabandonedhispeepsthisyearandonlyhangsoutwithAuggienow.Whichbuggedme,becausethatmeantIcouldnthangoutwithhimanymore.NowaywasIgoingtocatchtheplaguefromthatfreak.ThatwasthenameofthegameIinvented.ThePlague.Itwassimple.IfyoutouchedAuggie,andyoudidntwashoff thecontamination,youdied.Everyone in thewholegradeplayed.ExceptJack.AndSummer.Soheresthestrangething.IveknownSummersincewewereinthirdgrade,andInever

reallypaidanyattentiontoher,butthisyearHenrystartedlikingSavannaandtheywerelike,goingout.Now,bygoingoutIdontmeanlikehighschoolstuff,whichwouldbekind of gross barf disgusting.All itmeanswhen youre going out is that you hang outtogether andmeet each other at the lockers and sometimes go to the ice cream shop onAmesfort Avenue after school. So, first Henry started going out with Savanna, and thenMilesstartedgoingoutwithXimena.AndIwaslike,yo,whataboutme?AndthenAmossaid,ImgoingtoaskSummerout,andIwaslike,noway,Imaskingherout!SothatswhenIstartedkindoflikingSummer.ButittotallybitthatSummer,likeJack,wasonTeamAuggie.ItmeantIcouldnthang

outwithheratall.IcouldntevensaywassuptoherbecausethefreakmightthinkIwastalking to him or something. So I told Henry to have Savanna invite Summer to theHalloweenpartyatherhouse.IfiguredIcouldhangoutwithherandmaybeevenaskhertogooutwithme.Thatdidntwork,though,becausesheendedupleavingthepartyearly.Andeversincethen,shesbeenspendingallhertimewiththefreak.Okay, okay. I know its not nice to call him the freak, but like I said before, people

havetostartbeingalittlelesssensitivearoundhere!Itsonlyajoke,everyone!Donttakemesoseriously!Imnotbeingmean.Imjustbeingfunny.AndthatsallIwasdoing,beingtotallyfunny,thedaythatJackWillpunchedme.Ihad

beentotallyjoking!Foolingaround.Ididntseeitcomingatall!ThewayIrememberit,wewerejustgoofingtogether,andallofasudden,hewhacksme

inthemouthfornoreason!Boom!AndIwaslike,Owwwww!Youcrazyjerkface!Youpunchedme?Youactuallypunchedme?

And thenext thing I know, Im inNurseMollys office, holdingoneofmy teeth inmyhand,andMr.Tushmanisthere,andIhearhimonthephonewithmymomsayingtheyretakingme to the hospital. I could hearmymom screaming on the other end of the line.ThenMs.Rubin, thedean, is leadingmeintothebackofanambulanceandwereonthewaytoahospital!Crazystuff!Whenwewereridingintheambulance,Ms.RubinaskedmeifIknewwhyJackhitme.I

waslike,duh,becausehestotallyinsane!NotthatIcouldtalkmuch,becausemylipswereswollenandtherewasbloodallovermymouth.Ms.RubinstayedwithmeinthehospitaluntilMomshowedup.Momwasmorethana

little hysterical, as you can imagine. Shewas crying kind of dramatically every time shesawmyface.Itwas,Ihavetoadmit,alittleembarrassing.ThenDadshowedup.Whodidthis?wasthefirstthinghesaid,shoutingatMs.Rubin.JackWill,answeredMs.Rubincalmly.HeswithMr.Tushmannow.JackWill?criedMominshock.WeknowtheWills!Howcouldthathappen?Therewillbea thoroughinvestigation,answeredMs.Rubin.Rightnow,whatsmost

importantisthatJuliansgoingtobefine.Fine?yelledMom.Lookathisface!Doyouthinkthatsfine?Idontthinkthatsfine.

Thisisoutrageous.Whatkindofschoolisthis?IthoughtkidsdidntpuncheachotherataschoollikeBeecherPrep.Ithoughtthatswhywepayfortythousanddollarsayear,sothatourkidsdontgethurt.Mrs.Albans,saidMs.Rubin,Iknowyoureupset.Imassumingthekidwillgetexpelled,right?saidDad.Dad!Iyelled.Wewilldefinitelydealwith thismatter in theappropriateway, Ipromise, answered

Ms.Rubin,tryingtokeephervoicecalm.Andnow,ifyoudontmind,IthinkIllleaveyouguysaloneforabit.Thedoctorwillbebackandyoucancheckinwithhim,buthesaidthatnothingwasbroken.Juliansfine.Helostalowerfirstmolar,butthatwasonitswayoutanyway.Hesgoingtogivehimsomepainmedicationandyoushouldkeep icing it.Letstalkmoreinthemorning.Itwasonly then that I realized thatpoorMs.Rubinsblouseandskirtwerecompletely

coveredinmyblood.Boy,mouthsdobleedalot!Laterthatnight,whenIcouldfinallytalkagainwithoutithurting,MomandDadwanted

toknoweverydetailofwhathadhappened,startingwithwhatJackandIhadbeentalkingaboutrightbeforehehitme.Jackwathupthetbecauthhewathpairedupwiththedeformedkid,Ianswered.Itold

himhecouldthwitchpartnerthifhewantedto.Andthenhepunchedme!Momshookherhead.Thatwasitforher.ShewasliterallymadderthanIdeverseenher

before(andIveseenmymomprettymadbefore,believeme!).This iswhathappens, Jules! she said toDad, crossingherarmsandnoddingquickly.

This iswhathappenswhenyoumake littlekidsdealwith issues theyrenotequipped todealwith!Theyre just tooyoung tobeexposed to thiskindof stuff!ThatTushman isanidiot!Andshesaidawholebunchofotherthings,too,butthosearekindoftooinapro-pro(if

youknowwhatImean)formetorepeat.But,Dad,IdontwantJacktogetecthpelledfromthkool,Isaidlateroninthenight.

Hewas puttingmore ice onmymouth because the painkiller they had givenme at thehospitalwaswearingoff.Thatsnotuptous,heanswered.ButIwouldnttroublemyselfaboutitifIwereyou.

Whateverhappens,Jackwillgetwhathedeservesforthis.I have to admit, I started feeling kind of bad for Jack. I mean, sure, he was a total

dipstickforpunchingme,andIwantedhimtogetintroublebutIreallydidntwanthimtogetkickedoutofschooloranything.ButMom,Icouldtell,wasononeofhermissionsnow(asDadwouldsay).Shegetslike

that sometimes,when she gets so outraged about something that theres just no stoppingher.ShewaslikethatafewyearsagowhenakidgothitbyacaracoupleofblocksawayfromBeecherPrep,andshehadlikeamillionpeoplesignapetitiontohaveatrafficlightinstalled. That was a super-mom moment. She was also like that last month when ourfavoriterestaurantchangeditsmenuandtheynolongermademyfavoritedishthewayIlikedit.Thatwasanothersuper-mommomentbecauseaftershetalkedtothenewowner,theyagreed tospecial-order thedishjust forme!ButMomalsogets like that fornot-so-nicestuff, likewhenawaitermessesupa foodorder.Thatsanot-so-super-mommomentbecause,well,youknow,itcangetkindofweirdwhenyourmomstartstalkingtoawaiterlikehesfiveyearsold.Awkward!Also,likeDadsays,youdontwanttogetawaitermadatyou,youknow?Theyhaveyourfoodintheirhandsduh!So,IwasnttotallyclearonhowIfeltwhenIrealizedthatmymomwasdeclaringwaron

Mr.Tushman,AuggiePullman, andall ofBeecherPrep.Was it going tobea super-mommoment or a not-so-super-mommoment? Like, would it end up with Auggie going to adifferentschoolyay!orwithMr.Tushmanblowinghisnoseinmycafeteriafoodugh!

Ittookabouttwoweeksfortheswellingtogocompletelydown.Becauseofthat,weendedupnotgoingtoParisoverwinterbreak.MomdidntwantourrelativestoseemelookinglikeIdbeeninaprizefight.Shealsowouldnttakeanypicturesofmeovertheholidaysbecause she said she didnt want to remember me looking like that. For our annualChristmascard,weusedoneoftherejectsfromlastyearsphotoshoot.Even though I wasnt having a lot of nightmares anymore, the fact that I had started

havingnightmaresagainreallyworriedMom.Icouldtellshewastotallystressedoutaboutit.Then,thedaybeforeourChristmasparty,shefoundoutfromoneoftheothermomsthatAuggiehadnotbeenthroughthesamekindofadmissionsscreeningthattherestofushadbeen.See,everykidwhoappliestoBeecherPrepissupposedtobeinterviewedandtakeatestattheschoolbutsomekindofexceptionhadbeenmadeforAuggie.Hedidntcometotheschoolfortheinterviewandhegottotaketheadmissionstestathome.Momthoughtthatwasreallyunfair!This kid should not have gotten into the school, I heard her telling a group of other

momsattheparty.BeecherPrepisjustnotsetuptohandlesituationslikethis!Werenotaninclusionschool!Wedonthavethepsychologistsneededtodealwithhowitaffectstheotherkids.PoorJulianhadnightmaresforawholemonth!Ugh,Mom!Ihateyourtellingpeopleaboutmynightmares!Henrywasupsetaswell,Henrysmomsaid,andtheothermomsnodded.Theydidntevenprepareusbeforehand!Momwenton.Thatswhatgetsmethemost.

Iftheyrenotgoingtoprovideadditionalpsychologicalsupport,atleastwarntheparentsaheadoftime!Absolutely!saidMilessmom,andtheothermomsnoddedagain.Obviously,JackWillcouldhaveusedsometherapy,Momsaid,rollinghereyes.Iwassurprisedtheydidntexpelhim,saidHenrysmom.Oh, theywould have! answeredMom, butwe asked themnot to.Weve known the

Willfamilysincekindergarten.Theyregoodpeople.WedontblameJack,really.Ithinkhejust crackedunder the pressure of having to be this kids caretaker. Thatswhat happenswhenyouputlittlekidsintothesekindsofsituations.IhonestlydontknowwhatTushmanwasthinking!Imsorry,Ijusthavetostepinhere,saidanothermom(IthinkitwasCharlottesmom

becauseshehadthesamebrightblondhairandbigblueeyes).Itsnotliketheresanythingwrongwiththiskid,Melissa.Hesagreatkid,whojusthappenstolookdifferent,butOh,Iknow!Momanswered,andsheputherhandoverherheart.Oh,Brigit,noones

sayinghesnot a great kid, believeme. Im surehe is.And Ihear theparents are lovelypeople. Thats not the issue. To me, ultimately, the simple fact of the matter is thatTushmandidnt followprotocol.HeflagrantlydisregardedtheapplicationsprocessbynothavingtheboycometoBeecherPrepfortheinterviewortakethetestlikeeveryoneofourkidsdid.Hebroke the rules.And rules are rules.Thats it.Mommadea sad faceatBrigit.Ohdear,Brigit.Icanseeyoutotallydisapprove!

No,Melissa,notatall,Charlottesmomsaid,shakingherhead.Itsatoughsituationallaround.Look,thefactis,yoursongotpunchedintheface.Youhaveeveryrighttofeelangryanddemandsomeanswers.Thank you.Mom nodded and crossed her arms. I just think the whole things been

handledterribly,thatsall.AndIblameTushman.Completely.Absolutely,saidHenrysmom.Hesgottogo,agreedMilessmom.IlookedatMom,surroundedbynoddingmoms,andIthought,okay,somaybethisisgoing

to turn out to be one of those really super-mommoments.Maybe everything shewas doingwouldmakeitsothatAuggieendedupgoingtoadifferentschool,andthenthingscouldgobacktothewayitusedtobeatBeecherPrep.Thatwouldbesoawesome!Butapartofmewasthinking,maybethisisgoingtoturnintoanot-so-super-mommoment.I

mean,someofthestuffshewassayingsoundedkindofIdontknow.Kindofharsh, Iguess.Itslikewhenshegetsmadatawaiter.Youendupfeelingsorryforthewaiter.Thethingis,Iknowshesonthisanti-Tushmanmissionbecauseofme.IfIhadntstartedgettingnightmares again, and if Jackhadntpunchedme,noneof thiswouldbehappening. ShewouldntbemakingabigdealaboutAuggie,orTushman,and shedbeconcentratingallhertimeandenergyongoodstuff,likeraisingmoneyfortheschoolandvolunteeringatthehomelessshelter.Momdoesgoodstufflikethatallthetime!SoIdontknow.Ontheonehand,Imhappyshestryingtohelpme.Andontheother

hand,Iwouldloveforhertostop.

The thing thatannoyedme themostwhenwegotback fromwinterbreakwas thatJackhadgonebacktobeing friendswithAuggieagain.Theyhadhadsomekindof fightafterHalloween,which iswhyJackandI startedbeingbrosagain.Butafterwinterbreakwasover,theywerebestbudsagain.Itwassolame!I told everyoneweneeded to really ice Jack out, for his owngood.Hehad to choose,

onceandforall,whetherhewantedtobeonTeamAuggieorTeamJulianandtheRestoftheWorld.Sowestartedcompletely ignoringJack:not talking tohim,notansweringhisquestions.Itwaslikehedidntexist.Thatllshowhim!AndthatswhenIstartedleavingmylittlenotes.Oneday,someonehadleftsomePost-it

notesononeof thebenches in theyard,which iswhatgaveme the idea. Iwrote in thisreallypsycho-killerhandwriting:Nobodylikesyouanymore!IslippeditintotheslitsinJackslockerwhennoonewaslooking.Iwatchedhimoutof

thecornerofmyeyewhenhefoundit.HeturnedaroundandsawHenryopeninghislockernearby.DidJulianwritethis?heasked.ButHenrywasoneofmypeeps,youknow?HejusticedJackout,pretendedlikenoone

waseventalkingtohim.JackcrumpledthePost-itandflickeditintohislockerandbangedthedoorshut.AfterJackleft,IwentovertoHenry.Hollah!Isaid,givinghimthedevilssign,whichmadeHenrylaugh.Overthenextcoupleofdays,IleftafewmorenotesinJackslocker.AndthenIstarted

leavingsomeinAuggieslocker.TheywerenotI repeat,notabig deal. Theyweremostly stupid stuff. I didnt think

anyonewouldevertakethemseriously.Imean,theywereactuallykindoffunny!Well,kindof.Atleast,someofthemwere.

Youstink,bigcheese!Freak!Getoutofourschool,orc!

NoonebutHenryandMilesknewthatIwaswritingthesenotes.Andtheyweresworntosecrecy.

IdontknowhowtheheckMr.Tushmanfoundoutaboutthem.IdontthinkJackorAuggiewouldhavebeendumbenoughtoratonme,becausetheyhadstartedleavingmenotesinmy locker, too. I mean, how stupid would you have to be to rat someone out aboutsomethingthatyouweredoing,too?So,hereswhathappened.AfewdaysbeforetheFifth-GradeNatureRetreat,whichIwas

totally looking forward to, Mom got a phone call from Dr. Jansen, the headmaster ofBeecherPrep.Hesaidhewanted todiscusssomethingwithherandDad,andasked forameeting.MomassumeditprobablyhadtodowithMr.Tushman,thatmaybehewasgettingfired.

Soshewasactuallykindofexcitedaboutthemeeting!Theyshowedupfortheappointmentattena.m.,andtheywerewaitinginDr.Jansens

officewhen,allofasudden,theyseemewalkingintotheoffice,too.Ms.Rubinhadtakenmeoutofclass,askedmetofollowher,andbroughtmethere:Ihadnoideawhatwasup.Idneverevenbeentotheheadmastersofficebefore,sowhenIsawMomandDadthere,Ilookedasconfusedastheylooked.Whats going on?Mom said toMs.Rubin. BeforeMs.Rubin could say anything,Mr.

TushmanandDr.Jansencameintotheoffice.Everyoneshookhandsandtheywereall smilesas theygreetedoneanother.Ms.Rubin

saidshehadtogobacktoclassbutthatshewouldcallMomandDadlatertocheckin.ThissurprisedMom.IcouldtellshestartedthinkingthatmaybethiswasntaboutMr.Tushmangettingfired,afterall.ThenDr.Jansenaskedustositonthesofaoppositehisdesk.Mr.Tushmansatdownina

chairnexttous,andDr.Jansensatbehindhisdesk.Well,thankyousomuchforcoming,MelissaandJules,Dr.Jansensaidtomyparents.

Itwasstrangehearinghimcallthembytheirfirstnames.Iknewtheyallkneweachotherfrombeingon theboard, but it soundedweird. I knowhowbusyyouare.And Im sureyourewonderingwhatthisisallabout.Well,yes,saidMom,buthervoicedriftedoff.Dadcoughedintohishand.The reasonweaskedyouhere today isbecause,unfortunately,Dr.Jansencontinued,

wehaveaseriousmatteronourhands,andwedliketofigureoutthebestwaytoresolveit.Julian,doyouhaveanyinklingofwhatImightbetalkingabout?Helookedatme.Iopenedmyeyeswide.Me?Isnappedmyheadbackandmadeaface.No.Dr.Jansensmiledandsighedatmeatthesametime.Hetookoffhisglasses.You understand, he said, looking atme, we take bullying very seriously at Beecher

Prep.Thereszerotoleranceforanykindofbullying.WefeelthateverysingleoneofourstudentsdeservestherighttolearninacaringandrespectfulatmosphereExcuseme,butcansomeonetellmewhatsgoingonhere?Mominterrupted,lookingat

Dr. Jansen impatiently. Weobviouslyknow themission statementatBeecherPrep,Hal:wepracticallywroteit!Letscuttothechasewhatsgoingon?

Dr.JansenlookedatMr.Tushman.Whydontyouexplain,Larry?hesaid.Mr.TushmanhandedanenvelopetoMomandDad.Momopeneditandpulledoutthe

last threePost-it notes Ihad left inAuggies locker. I knew immediately thatswhat theywerebecausethesewereactuallypinkPost-itsandnotyellowoneslikealltheothershadbeen.So,Ithought:Ah-ha!SoitwasAuggiewhotoldMr.TushmanaboutthePost-itnotes!Whata

turd!!Momread through thenotesquickly, raisedhereyebrows,andpassed themtoDad.He

readthemandlookedatme.Youwrotethese,Julian?hesaid,holdingthenotesoutforme.Iswallowed.Ilookedathimkindofblankly.Hehandedmethenotes,andIjuststaredat

them.Umwell,Ianswered.Yeah,Iguess.But,Dad,theywerewritingnotes,too!Whowaswritingnotes?askedDad.JackandAuggie,Ianswered.Theywerewritingnotestome,too!Itwasntjustme!Butyoustartedthenotewriting,didntyou?askedMr.Tushman.Excuse me, Mom interjected angrily. Lets not forget that it was Jack Will who

punched Julian in the mouth, not the other way around. Obviously, theres going to beresidualangerHowmanyofthesenotesdidyouwrite,Julian?Dadinterrupted,tappingonthePost-

itsIwasholding.Idontknow,Isaid.Itwashardformetogetthewordsout.Like,sixorsomething.

Buttheotheroneswerentthisyouknow,bad.ThesenotesareworsethantheotheronesIwrote. The other oneswerent soMy voice kind of drifted off as I rereadwhat Idwrittenonthethreenotes:Yo,DarthHideous.Youresouglyyoushouldwearamaskeveryday!And:Ih8u,Freak!Andthelastone:Ibetyourmotherwishesyoudneverbeenborn.Youshoulddoeverybodyafavoranddie.Ofcourse,lookingatthemnow,theyseemedalotworsethanwhenIwrotethem.ButI

wasmadthensupermad.IhadjustgottenoneoftheirnotesandWait!Isaid,andIreachedintomypocket.IfoundthelastPost-itthatAuggieandJack

hadleftformeinmylocker,justyesterday.Itwaskindofcrumpledupnow,butIhelditouttoMr.Tushmantoread.Look!Theywrotemeanstufftome,too!Mr.TushmantookthePost-it,readitquickly,andhandedittomyparents.Mymomread

itandthenlookedatthefloor.Mydadreaditandshookhishead,puzzled.HehandedmethePost-itandIrereadit.Julian, youre so hot! Summer doesnt like you, but I want to have your babies! Smell my

armpits!Love,Beulah

WhotheheckisBeulah?askedDad.Nevermind, Ianswered.Icantexplain. Ihanded thePost-itback toMr.Tushman,

whogaveittoDr.Jansentoread.Inoticedheactuallytriedtohideasmile.Julian,saidMr.Tushman,thethreenotesyouwrotedontcompareatalltothisnote

incontent.Idontthinkitsforanyoneelsetojudgethesemanticsofanote,saidMom.Itdoesnt

matterwhetheryouthinkonenoteisworsethantheotheritshowthepersonreadingthenotereadsit.Thefactis,JulianshadalittlecrushonthisSummergirlallyearlong,anditprobablyhurthisfeelingsMom!Iyelled,andIcoveredmyfacewithmyhands.Thatssoembarrassing!AllImsayingisthatanotecanbehurtfultoachildwhetheryouseeitornot,Mom

saidtoMr.Tushman.Are you kiddingme? answeredMr. Tushman, shaking his head. He sounded angrier

thanIhadeverheardhimbefore.AreyoutellingmeyoudontfindthePost-itsyoursonwrotecompletelyhorrifying?BecauseIdo!Imnotdefendingthenotes!answeredMom.Imjustremindingyouthatitwasatwo-

waystreet.YouhavetorealizethatJulianwasobviouslywritingthosenotesasareactiontosomething.Look, said Dr. Jansen, holding his hand out in front of him like a crossing guard.

Theresnodoubttheressomehistoryhere.Thosenoteshurtmyfeelings!Isaid,andIdidntmindthatIsoundedlikeIwasgoing

tocry.Idontdoubtthattheirnoteshurtyourfeelings,Julian,Dr.Jansenanswered.Andyou

were trying tohurt their feelings.Thats theproblemwith stuff like thiseveryonekeepstryingtotoponeanother,andthenthingsescalateoutofcontrol.Exactly!saidMom,anditalmostsoundedlikeshescreamedit.But the fact is, Dr. Jansen continued, holding up his finger, there is a line, Julian.

Thereisaline.Andyournotescrossedthatline.Theyrecompletelyunacceptable.IfAuggiehadreadthesenotes,howdoyouthinkhedfeel?HewaslookingatmesointenselythatIfeltlikedisappearingunderthesofa.Youmeanhehasntreadthem?Iasked.No,answeredDr.Jansen.ThankgoodnesssomeonereportedthenotestoMr.Tushman

yesterday, and he opened Auggies locker and intercepted them before Auggie ever sawthem.Inoddedandloweredmyhead.IhavetoadmitIwasgladAuggiehadntreadthem.I

guess IknewwhatDr.Jansenmeantaboutcrossingthe line.But thenI thought,so if itwasntAuggiewhorattedmeout,whowasit?Wewereallquietforaminuteortwo.Itwasawkwardbeyondbelief.

Okay, saidDad finally, rubbing his palm over his face. Obviously,we understand theseriousnessofthesituationnow,andwewilldosomethingaboutit.IdontthinkIdeverseenDadlooksouncomfortable.Imsorry,Dad!Well,wehave some recommendations,answeredDr. Jansen. Obviously,wewant to

helpeveryoneinvolved.Thankyouforunderstanding,saidMom,gettingherpocketbookreadyas if shewere

gettingup.Butthereareconsequences!saidMr.Tushman,lookingatMom.Excuseme?sheshotbackathim.As I said in the beginning, Dr. Jansen interjected, the school has a very strict anti-

bullyingpolicy.Yeah,wesawhowstrictitwaswhenyoudidntexpelJackWillforpunchingJulianin

themouth,Momansweredquickly.Yeah,takethat,Mr.Tushman!Oh,comeon!Thatwascompletelydifferent,Mr.Tushmananswereddismissively.Oh?answeredMom.Punchingsomeoneinthefaceisntbullyingtoyou?Okay,okay,saidDad,raisinghishandtokeepMr.Tushmanfromanswering.Letsjust

cuttothechase,okay?Whatexactlyareyourrecommendations,Hal?Dr.Jansenlookedathim.Julianisbeingsuspendedfortwoweeks,hesaid.What?yelledMom,lookingatDad.ButDaddidntlookback.In addition, said Dr. Jansen, were recommending counseling. Nurse Molly has the

namesofseveraltherapistswhowethinkJulianshouldseeThisisoutrageous,interruptedMom,steaming.Wait,Isaid.Youmean,Icantgotoschool?Notfortwoweeks,answeredMr.Tushman.Startingimmediately.Butwhataboutthetriptothenatureretreat?Iasked.Youcantgo,heansweredcoldly.No!Isaid,andnowIreallywasabouttocry.Iwanttogotothenatureretreat!Imsorry,Julian,Dr.Jansensaidgently.Thisisabsolutelyridiculous,saidMom,lookingatDr.Jansen.Dontyouthinkyoure

overreactingalittle?Thatkiddidntevenreadthenotes!Thatsnotthepoint!answeredMr.Tushman.IlltellyouwhatIthink!saidMom.Thisisbecauseyouadmittedakidintotheschool

whoshouldnthavebeenadmittedintotheschoolinthefirstplace.Andyoubroketherulestodoit.AndnowyourejusttakingthisoutonmykidbecauseImtheonewhohadthegutstocallyouonit!Melissa,saidDr.Jansen,tryingtocalmherdown.These children are too young to deal with things like this facial deformities,

disfigurement, Mom continued, talking to Dr. Jansen. You must see that! Julians hadnightmaresbecauseofthatboy.Didyouknowthat?Julianhasanxietyissues.

Mom!Isaid,clenchingmyteeth.TheboardshouldhavebeenconsultedaboutwhetherBeecherPrepwastherightplace

forachild like that,Momcontinued. Thats all Im saying!Were justnot setup for it.Thereareotherschoolsthatare,butwerenot!Youcanchoosetobelievethatifyouwant,answeredMr.Tushman,notlookingather.Momrolledhereyes.Thisisawitchhunt,shemutteredquietly,lookingoutthewindow.Shewasfuming.Ihadnoideawhatshewastalkingabout.Witches?Whatwitches?Okay, Hal, you said you had some recommendations, Dad said to Dr. Jansen. He

soundedgruff.Isthatit?Two-weeksuspensionandcounseling?Wed also like for Julian to write a letter of apology to August Pullman, said Mr.

Tushman.Apologyforwhatexactly?answeredMom.Hewrotesomestupidnotes.Surelyhesnot

theonlykidintheworldwhoseverwrittenastupidnote.Itsmore thanastupidnote!answeredMr.Tushman.Itsapatternofbehavior.He

startedcountingonhisfingers.Itsthemakingfacesbehindthekidsback.Itsthegameheinitiated,whereifsomeonetouchesAuggiehehastowashhishands.I couldnt believe Mr. Tushman even knew about the Plague game! How do teachers

knowsomuch?Itssocialisolation,Mr.Tushmancontinued.Itscreatingahostileatmosphere.And you know for a fact that its Julian who initiated all this? asked Dad. Social

isolation?Hostileatmosphere?AreyousayingthatJulianwastheonlykidwhowasntnicetothisboy?Orareyoususpendingeverykidwhostuckhistongueoutatthiskid?Goodone,Dad!ScoreonefortheAlbanses!Doesnt it trouble you at all that Julian doesnt seem to be showing the least bit of

remorse?saidMr.Tushman,squintingatDad.Okay,lets juststoprighthere,Dadsaidquietly,pointinghisfingerinMr.Tushmans

face.Please,everyone,saidDr.Jansen.Letscalmdownabit.Obviously,thisisdifficult.After allweve done for this school,Momanswered, shaking her head. After all the

moneyandthetimeweveputintothisschool,youwouldthinkwedgetjustalittlebitofconsideration.Sheputherthumbandherindexfingertogether.Justalittle.Dad nodded. He was still looking angrily at Mr. Tushman, but then he looked at Dr.

Jansen. Melissas right, he said. I think we deserved a little better than this, Hal. Afriendlywarningwould have been nice. Instead, you call us in here like children.Hestoodup.Wedeservedbetter.Imsorryyoufeelthatway,saidDr.Jansen,standingupaswell.Theboardoftrusteeswillhearaboutthis,saidMom.Shegotup,too.Imsuretheywill,answeredDr.Jansen,crossinghisarmsandnodding.Mr.Tushmanwastheonlyadultstillsittingdown.Thepointofthesuspensionisntpunitive,hesaidquietly.WeretryingtohelpJulian,

too.Hecant fullyunderstandtheramificationsofhisactionsifyoukeeptryingtojustifythemaway.WewanthimtofeelsomeempathyYouknow, Iveheard justaboutenough! saidMom,holdingherpalm in frontofMr.

Tushmansface.Idontneedparentingadvice.Notfromsomeonewhodoesnthavekidsofhisown.Youdontknowwhatitsliketoseeyourkidhavingapanicattackeverytimeheshutshiseyestogotosleep,okay?Youdontknowwhatitslike.Hervoicecrackedabit,likeshewasgoingtocry.ShelookedatDr.Jansen.ThisaffectedJuliandeeply,Hal.Imsorryifthatsnotpoliticallycorrecttosay,butitsthetruth,andImjusttryingtodowhatIthinkisbestformyson!Thatsall.Doyouunderstand?Yes,Melissa,Dr.Jansenansweredsoftly.Momnodded.Herchinquivered.Arewedonehere?Canwegonow?Sure,heanswered.Comeon,Julian,shesaid,andshewalkedoutoftheoffice.Istoodup.Iadmit,Iwasntexactlysurewhatwasgoingon.Wait,isthatit?Iasked.Butwhataboutmythings?Allmystuffsinmylocker.Ms. Rubin will get your things ready and shell get them to you later this week,

answeredDr.Jansen.HelookedatDad.Imreallysorryitcametothis,Jules.Heheldouthishandforahandshake.Dadlookedathishandbutdidntshakeit.HelookedatDr.Jansen.HerestheonlythingIwantfromyou,Hal,hesaidquietly.Iwantthatthisallofthis

bekept confidential. Is that clear? It doesnt gobeyond this room. I dontwant Julianturnedintosomekindofanti-bullyingposterboybytheschool.Nooneistoknowhesbeensuspended.Wellmakeupsomeexcuseaboutwhyhesnotinschool,andthatsit.Areweclear,Hal? Idontwanthimmade intoanexample. Imnotgoing to standbywhile thisschooldragsmyfamilysreputationthroughthemud.Oh,bytheway,incaseIhadntmentioneditbefore:Dadsalawyer.Dr.JansenandMr.Tushmanexchangedlooks.Wearenotlookingtomakeanexampleofanyofourstudents,Dr.Jansenanswered.

Thissuspensionreallyisaboutareasonableresponsetounreasonablebehavior.Givemeabreak,answeredDad,lookingathiswatch.Itsamassiveoverreaction.Dr.JansenlookedatDad,andthenhelookedatme.Julian,hesaid,lookingmerightintheeye.CanIaskyousomethingpoint-blank?IlookedatDad,whonodded.Ishrugged.Doyoufeelatallremorsefulforwhatyouvedone?Dr.Jansenaskedme.Ithoughtaboutitasecond.Icouldtellallthegrown-upswerewatchingme,waitingfor

metoanswersomethingmagicalthatwouldmakethiswholesituationbetter.Yes,Isaidquietly.ImreallysorryIwrotethoselastnotes.Dr.Jansennodded.Isthereanythingelseyoufeelremorsefor?heasked.I lookedatDadagain.Imnotanidiot.Iknewwhathewasdyingformetosay.I just

wasntgoingtosayit.SoIlookeddownandshrugged.CanIaskyouthis,then?saidDr.Jansen.WillyouconsiderwritingAuggiealetterof

apology?Ishruggedagain.Howmanywordsdoesithavetobe?wasallIcouldthinktosay.IknewthemomentIsaiditthatIprobablyshouldnthave.Dr.Jansenlookedatmydad,

whojustlookeddown.Julian, said Dad. Go findMom.Wait forme by the reception area. Ill be out in a

second.

JustasIclosedthedooronmywayout,DadstartedwhisperingsomethingtoDr.JansenandMr.Tushman.Itwasahushed,angrywhisper.WhenIgottothereceptionarea,IfoundMomsittingonachairwithhersunglasseson.I

satdownnexttoher.Sherubbedmybackbutshedidntsayanything.Ithinkshehadbeencrying.Ilookedattheclock:10:20a.m.Rightaboutnow,Ms.Rubinwasprobablygoingoverthe

resultsofyesterdaysquiz inscienceclass.AsI lookedaroundthelobby,Ihadablipofamemorythat day before school started,whenme, JackWill, and Charlotte hadmet upherebeforemeetingourwelcomebuddyforthefirsttime.IrememberhownervousJackhadbeenthatday,andhowIdidntevenknowwhoAuggiewas.Somuchhadhappenedsincethen.

Daddidntsayanythingwhenhemetusinthelobby.Wejustwalkedoutthedoorswithoutsayinggoodbyeeventothesecurityguardatthereceptiondesk.Itwasweirdleavingtheschoolwheneveryonewasstillinside.IwonderedwhatMilesandHenrywouldthinkwhenIdidntcomebacktoclass.IhatedthatIwasgoingtomissPEthatafternoon.Myparentswerequietthewholewaybacktothehouse.WeliveontheUpperWestSide,

which is about a half-hour drive fromBeecher Prep, but it felt like it took forever to gethome.IcantbelieveIgotsuspended,Isaid,justaswepulledintotheparkinggarageinour

building.Itsnotyourfault,honey,answeredMom.Theyhaveitinforus.Melissa!Dadyelled,whichsurprisedMomabit.Yes,ofcourseitshisfault.Thiswhole

situationishisfault!Julian,whattheheckwereyouthinking,writingnoteslikethat?Hewasgoadedintowritingthem!answeredMom.Wehadpulledtoastopinsidethegarage.Theparking-garageattendantwaswaitingfor

ustogetoutofthecar,butwedidntgetout.Dad turned around and looked at me. Im not saying I think the school handled this

right,hesaid.Twoweekssuspensionisridiculous.But,Julian,youshouldknowbetter!Iknow!Isaid.Itwasamistake,Dad!Weallmakemistakes,saidMom.Dadturnedbackaround.HelookedatMom.Jansensright,Melissa.Ifyoukeeptrying

tojustifyhisactionsThatsnotwhatImdoing,Jules.Daddidntanswerrightaway.Thenhesaid,ItoldJansenthatwerepullingJulianout

ofBeecherPrepnextyear.Momwasliterallyspeechless.Ittookasecondforwhathesaidtohitme.Youwhat? I

said.Jules,Momsaidslowly.ItoldJansenthatwellfinishoutthisyearatBeecherPrep,Dadcontinuedcalmly.But

nextyear,Juliansgoingtoadifferentschool.Icantbelievethis!Icried.IloveBeecherPrep,Dad!Ihavefriends!Mom!Im not sending you back to that school, Julian, Dad said firmly. No way am I

spending another dimeon that school. There are plenty of other great private schools inNewYorkCity.Mom!Isaid.Momwipedher hand across her face. She shookher head. Dont you thinkwe should

havetalkedaboutthisfirst?shesaidtoDad.Youdontagree?hecountered.Sherubbedherforeheadwithherfingers.No,Idoagree,shesaidsoftly,nodding.Mom!Iscreamed.

Sheturnedaroundinherseat.Honey,IthinkDaddysright.Icantbelievethis!Iyelled,punchingthecarseat.Theyhaveitinforusnow,shecontinued.Becausewecomplainedaboutthesituation

withthatboyButthatwasyourfault!Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.Ididnttellyoutotryandget

Auggiethrownoutoftheschool.IdidntwantyoutogetTushmanfired.Thatwasyou!AndImsorryaboutthat,sweetheart,shesaidmeekly.Julian!saidDad.Yourmomdideverythingshedidtotryandprotectyou.Itsnother

faultyouwrotethosenotes,isit?No,butifshehadntmadesuchabigstinkabouteverything,Istartedtosay.Julian, do you hear yourself? saidDad. Now youre blaming yourmom. Before you

wereblaming theotherboys forwriting thosenotes. Im starting towonder ifwhat theyweresayingisright!Dontyoufeelanyremorseforwhatyouvedone?Ofcoursehedoes!saidMom.Melissa,lethimanswerforhimself!Dadsaidloudly.No,okay?Iyelled.Imnotsorry!IknoweverybodythinksIshouldbeall,Imsorryfor

beingmeantoAuggie,ImsorryItalkedsmackabouthim,ImsorryIdissedhim.ButImnot.Sosueme.BeforeDadcouldrespond,thegarageattendantknockedonthecarwindow.Anothercar

hadpulledintothegarageandtheyneededustogetout.

Ididnt tellanyoneabout thesuspension.WhenHenry textedmea fewdays lateraskingwhyIwasntinschool,ItoldhimIhadstrepthroat.Thatswhatwetoldeveryone.Itturnsout,twoweekssuspensionisntsobad,bytheway.Ispentmostofmytimeat

home watching SpongeBob reruns and playing Knights of the Old Republic. I was stillsupposedtokeepuponmyschoolwork,though,soitsnotlikeItotallygottogoofoff.Ms.Rubindroppedbytheapartmentoneafternoonwithallmylockerstuff:mytextbooks,myloose-leafbook,andalltheassignmentsIwouldneedtomakeup.Andtherewasalot!Everythingwent reallywellwith social studies andEnglish, but I had somuch trouble

doingthemathhomeworkthatMomgotmeamathtutor.Despiteallthetimeoff,Ireallywasexcitedaboutgoingback.OratleastIthoughtIwas.

Thenightbeforemy firstdayback, Ihadoneofmynightmaresagain.Only this time, itwasntmewholookedlikeAuggieitwaseveryoneelse!I should have taken that as a premonition. When I got back to school, as soon as I

arrived,Icouldtellsomethingwasup.Somethingwasdifferent.ThefirstthingInoticedisthatnoonewasreallyexcitedaboutseeingmeagain.Imean,peoplesaidhelloandaskedmehowIwasfeeling,butnoonewaslike,dude,Imissedyou!Iwouldhave thoughtMilesandHenrywouldbe like that,but theywerent. In fact, at

lunchtime,theydidntevensitatourusualtable.TheysatwithAmos.SoIhadtotakemytrayandfindaplacetosqueezeinatAmosstable,whichwaskindofhumiliating.ThenIoverheardthethreeofthemtalkingabouthangingoutattheplaygroundafterschoolandshootinghoops,butnooneaskedmetocome!The thing thatwasweirdest of all, though,was that everyonewasbeing reallynice to

Auggie.Like,ridiculouslynice.ItwaslikeIhadenteredtheportaltoadifferentdimension,an alternate universe in which Auggie and I had changed places. Suddenly, he was thepopularone,andIwastheoutsider.Rightafterlastperiod,IpulledHenryovertotalktohim.Yo,dude,whyiseveryonebeingsonicetothefreakallofasudden?Iasked.Oh,um,saidHenry,lookingaroundkindofnervously.Yeah,well,peopledontreally

callhimthatanymore.And then he told me all about the stuff that had gone down at the nature retreat.

Basically,whathadhappenedwas thatAuggie and Jack got pickedonby some seventh-grade bullies from another school.Henry,Miles, andAmos had rescued them, got into afightwith thebullieslikewithrealpunches flyingandthen theyallescaped throughacornmaze. It soundedreallyexciting,andashewas tellingme, IgotmadalloveragainthatMr.Tushmanhadmadememissit.Ohman, I said excitedly. Iwish Id been there! I totallywould have creamed those

jerks.Wait,whichjerks?Theseventhgraders!Really? He looked puzzled, thoughHenry always looked a little puzzled. Because, I

dontknow,Julian.Ikindofthinkthatifyouhadbeenthere,wemightnothaverescuedthematall.Youprobablywouldhavebeencheeringfortheseventhgraders!Ilookedathimlikehewasanidiot.NoIwouldnt,Isaid.Seriously?hesaid,givingmealook.No!Isaid.Okay!heanswered,shrugging.Yo,Henry,areyoucoming?Amoscalledoutfromdownthehallway.Look,Igottago,saidHenry.Wait,Isaid.Gottago.Wanttohangouttomorrowafterschool?Notsure,heanswered,backingaway.Textmetonightandwellsee.As Iwatchedhim jogaway, Ihad this terrible feeling in thepitofmystomach.Didhe

reallythinkIwasthatawfulthatIwouldhavebeenrootingforsomeseventhgraderswhiletheybeatAuggieup?Isthatwhatotherpeoplethink?ThatIwouldhavebeenthatmuchofdirtwad?Look,ImthefirstonetosayIdontlikeAuggiePullman,butIwouldneverwanttosee

himgetbeatuporanything!Imean,comeon!Imnotapsycho.Itreallyannoyedmethatthatswhatpeoplethoughtaboutme.ItextedHenrylateron:Yo,btw,Iwouldneverhavejuststoodbyandletthosecreeps

beatAuggieandJackup!Buthenevertextedmeback.

Thatlastmonthinschoolwasawful.Itsnotlikeanyonewasout-and-outmeantome,butIfelt iced out by Amos and Henry andMiles. I just didnt feel popular anymore. No onereally ever laughed atmy jokes.No onewanted to hang outwithme. I felt like I coulddisappear from the school and nobody would miss me. Meanwhile, Auggie was walkingdown the hallways like some cool dude, getting high-fived by all the jocks in the uppergrades.Whatever.Mr.Tushmancalledmeintohisofficeoneday.Howsitgoing,Julian?heaskedme.Fine.DidyoueverwritethatapologyletterIaskedyoutowrite?MydadsaysImleavingtheschool,soIdonthavetowriteanything,Ianswered.Oh,hesaid,nodding.IguessIwashopingyoudwanttowriteitonyourown.Why?Isaidback.EveryonethinksImthisbigdirtbagnowanyway.Whattheheckis

writingalettergoingtoaccomplish?JulianLook,IknoweveryonethinksImthisunfeelingkidwhodoesntfeelremorse!Isaid,

usingairquotes.Julian,saidMr.Tushman.NooneSuddenly,IfeltlikeIwasabouttocry,soIjustinterruptedhim.Imreallylateforclass

andIdontwanttogetintrouble,socanIpleasego?Mr.Tushmanlookedsad.Henodded.ThenIlefthisofficewithoutlookingback.Afewdays later,wereceivedanofficialnoticefromtheschooltellingusthattheyhad

withdrawntheirinvitationtore-enrollinthefall.Ididnt think itmattered,sinceDadhadtold themwewerentgoingbackanyway.But

westillhadntheardfromtheotherschoolsIhadappliedto,andifIdidntgetintoanyofthem,wehadplannedonmygoingbacktoBeecherPrep.Butnowthatwasimpossible.Mom and Dad were furious at the school. Like, crazy mad. Mostly because they had

alreadypaid the tuition for thenextyear inadvance.And the schoolwasntplanningonreturning themoney.See, thats the thingwithprivate schools: theycankickyouout foranyreason.Luckily, a few days later, we did find out that Id gotten into my first-choice private

school,not far fromwhere I lived. Idhave towearauniform,but thatwasokay.BetterthanhavingtogotoBeecherPrepeveryday!Needlesstosay,weskippedthegraduationceremonyattheendoftheyear.

Thatisonlytearssuchasmenuse,saidBagheera.NowIknowthouartaman,andamanscubnolonger.

Thejungleisshutindeedtotheehenceforward.Letthemfall,Mowgli.Theyareonlytears.

RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook

Oh,thewind,thewindisblowing,throughthegravesthewindisblowing,

freedomsoonwillcome;thenwellcomefromtheshadows.LeonardCohen,ThePartisan

MyparentsandIwenttoParisinJune.TheoriginalplanwasthatwewouldreturntoNewYorkinJuly,sinceIwassupposedtogotorock-and-rollcampwithHenryandMiles.Butaftereverythingthathappened,Ididntwanttodothatanymore.Myparentsdecidedtoletmestaywithmygrandmotherfortherestofthesummer.Usually,IhatedstayingwithGrandmre,butIwasokayaboutitthistime.Iknewthat

aftermy parents went home, I could spend the entire day inmy PJs playingHalo, andGrandmrewouldntcareintheleast.IcouldprettymuchdowhateverIwanted.Grandmrewasntexactlythetypicalgrandmatype.NobakingcookiesforGrandmre.

Noknittingsweaters.Shewas,asDadalwayssaid,somethingofacharacter.Eventhoughshewasinhereighties,shedressedlikeafashionmodel.Superglamorous.Lotsofmakeupandperfume.Highheels.Sheneverwokeupuntiltwointheafternoon,andthenshedtakeatleasttwohourstogetdressed.Onceshewasup,shewouldtakemeoutshoppingortoamuseumora fancyrestaurant.Shewasnt intodoingkidstuff, ifyouknowwhat Imean.Shed never sit through a PGmoviewithme, for instance, so I ended up seeing a lot ofmoviesthatweretotallyage-inappropriate.Mom,Iknew,wouldgocompletelyballisticifshegotwindofsomeofthemoviesGrandmretookmetosee.ButGrandmrewasFrench,andwasalwayssayingmyparentsweretooAmericananyway.Grandmrealsodidnt talk tome like Iwasa littlekid.Evenwhen Iwasyounger, she

neverusedbabywordsor talked tome thewaygrown-upsusually talk to littlekids.Sheusedregularwordstodescribeeverything.Like,ifIwouldsay,Jeveuxfairepipi,meaningIwanttomakepee-pee,shewouldsay,Youneedtourinate?Gotothelavatory.Andshecursedsometimes, too.Boy,shecouldcurse!And if Ididntknowwhatacurse

wordmeant,allIhadtodowasaskherandshewouldexplainittomeindetail.Icanteventellyousomeofthewordssheexplainedtome!Anyway, Iwas glad to be away fromNYC for thewhole summer. Iwas hoping that I

wouldgetallthosekidsoutofmyhead.Auggie.Jack.Summer.Henry.Miles.Allofthem.IfIneversawanyofthosekidsagain,seriously,IwouldbethehappiestkidinParis.

TheonlythingIwasalittlebummedaboutisthatInevergottosaygoodbyetoanyofmyteachersatBeecherPrep.Ireallylikedsomeofthem.Mr.Browne,myEnglishteacher,wasprobablymy favorite teacher of all time.He had always been really nice tome. I lovedwriting, and hewas really complimentary about it. And I never got to tell him IwasntcomingbacktoBeecherPrep.Atthebeginningoftheyear,Mr.Brownehadtoldallofusthathewantedustosendhim

one of our own precepts over the summer. So, one afternoon, while Grandmre wassleeping, I started thinkingabout sendinghimaprecept fromParis. Iwent tooneof thetouristshopsdowntheblockandboughtapostcardofagargoyle,oneofthoseatthetopofNotre-Dame.ThefirstthingIthoughtwhenIsawitwasthatitremindedmeofAuggie.AndthenIthought,Ugh!WhyamIstillthinkingabouthim?WhydoIstillseehisfacewhereverIgo?Icantwaittostartover!Andthatswhenithitme:myprecept.Iwroteitdownreallyquickly.Sometimesitsgoodtostartover.There.Perfect.Ilovedit.IgotMr.BrownesaddressfromhisteacherpageontheBeecher

Prepwebsite,anddroppeditinthemailthatsameday.But then, after I sent it, I realized he wasnt going to understand what it meant. Not

really.HedidnthavethewholebackgroundstoryaboutwhyIwassohappytobeleavingBeecherPrepandstartingoversomewherenew.So,Idecidedtowritehimanemailtotellhimeverything thathadhappened last year. Imean,not everything. Dad had specificallytoldmenottoevertellanyoneattheschoolaboutthemeanstuffIdidtoAuggieforlegalreasons. But I wanted Mr. Browne to know enough so that he would understand myprecept. Ialsowantedhimtoknowthat I thoughthewasagreat teacher.Momhadtoldeveryone that I wasnt going back to Beecher Prep because we were unhappy with theacademicsandtheteachers.IfeltkindofbadaboutthatbecauseIdidntwantMr.BrownetoeverthinkIwasunhappywithhim.So,anyway,IdecidedtosendMr.Browneanemail.

To:tbrowne@beecherschool.eduFr:julianalbans@ezmail.comRe:Myprecept

Hi,Mr.Browne!Ijustsentyoumypreceptinthemail:Sometimesitsgoodtostartover.Itsonapostcardofagargoyle.IwrotethispreceptbecauseImgoingtoanewschoolinSeptember.IendeduphatingBeecherPrep.Ididnt likethestudents.But IDIDliketheteachers. I thoughtyourclasswasgreat.Sodont takemynotgoingbackpersonally.I dont know if youknow thewhole longstory, butbasically the reason Imnotgoingback toBeecherPrep

iswell,nottonamenames,buttherewasonestudentIreallydidntgetalongwith.Actually,itwastwostudents.(Youcanprobablyguesswhotheyarebecauseoneofthempunchedmeinthemouth.)Anyway,thesekidswerenotmyfavoritepeopleintheworld.Westartedwritingmeannotestoeachother.Irepeat:eachother.Itwasa2-waystreet!ButImtheonewhogotintroubleforit!Justme!Itwassounfair!Thetruthis,Mr.Tushmanhaditin

formebecausemymomwastryingtogethimfired.Anyway,longstoryshort:Igotsuspendedfortwoweeks forwritingthenotes!(Nooneknowsthis,though.Itsasecretsopleasedonttellanyone.)Theschoolsaidithadazerotolerancepolicyagainstbullying.But Idontthinkwhat Ididwasbullying!Myparentsgotsomadattheschool!Theydecidedtoenrollmeinadifferentschoolnextyear.So,yeah,thatsthestory.I reallywishthat thatstudenthadnevercometoBeecherPrep!Mywholeyearwouldhavebeensomuch

better!Ihatedhavingtobeinhisclasses.Hegavemenightmares.IwouldstillbegoingtoBeecherPrepifhehadntbeenthere.Itsabummer.Ireallylikedyourclass,though.Youwereagreatteacher.Iwantedyoutoknowthat.

I thought itwasgoodthat Ihadntnamednames.But I figuredhedknowwhoIwastalkingabout.Ireallydidntexpecttohearbackfromhim,buttheverynextday,whenIcheckedmyin-box,therewasanemailfromMr.Browne.Iwassoexcited!

To:julianalbans@ezmail.comFr:tbrowne@beecherschool.eduRe:re:Myprecept

Hi,Julian.Thankssomuchforyouremail!Imlookingforwardtogettingthegargoylepostcard.IwassorrytohearyouwouldntbecomingbacktoBeecherPrep.Ialwaysthoughtyouwereagreatstudentandagiftedwriter.Bytheway,Iloveyourprecept.Iagree,sometimesitsgoodtostartover.Afreshstartgivesusthechanceto

reflectonthepast,weighthethingswevedone,andapplywhatwevelearnedfromthosethingstothefuture.Ifwedontexaminethepast,wedontlearnfromit.Asforthekidsyoudidntlike,IdothinkIknowwhoyouretalkingabout.Imsorrytheyeardidntturnoutto

beahappyoneforyou,butIhopeyoutakealittletimetoaskyourselfwhy.Thingsthathappentous,eventhebadstuff,canoftenteachusalittlebitaboutourselves.Doyoueverwonderwhyyouhadsuchahardtimewiththesetwostudents?Wasit,perhaps,theirfriendshipthatbotheredyou?WereyoutroubledbyAuggiesphysicalappearance?Youmentionedthatyoustartedhavingnightmares.DidyoueverconsiderthatmaybeyouwerejustalittleafraidofAuggie,Julian?Sometimesfearcanmakeeventhenicestkidssayanddothingstheywouldntordinarilysayordo.Perhapsyoushouldexplorethesefeelingsfurther?Inanycase, Iwishyou thebestof luck inyournewschool, Julian.Youreagoodkid.Anatural leader. Just

remembertouseyourleadershipforgood,huh?Dontforget:alwayschoosekind!

Idontknowwhy,butIwasso,so,sohappytogetthatemailfromMr.Browne!Iknewhewouldbeunderstanding!IwassotiredofeveryonethinkingIwasthisdemon-child,youknow?ItwasobviousthatMr.BrowneknewIwasnt.Irereadhisemaillike,tentimes.Iwassmilingfromeartoear.So? Grandmre asked me. She had just woken up and was having her breakfast: a

croissant and caf au lait delivered from downstairs. I havent seen you this happy allsummerlong.Whatisitthatyouarereading,moncher?Oh,Igotanemailfromoneofmyteachers,Ianswered.Mr.Browne.Fromyouroldschool?sheasked.Ithoughttheywereallbad,thoseteachers.Ithought

itwasgoodriddancetoallofthem!GrandmrehadathickFrenchaccentthatwashardtounderstandsometimes.What?Goodriddance!sherepeated.Nevermind.Ithoughttheteacherswereallstupid.The

wayshepronouncedstupidwasfunny:likestew-peed!

Notall.NotMr.Browne,Ianswered.So,whatdidhewritetomakeyousohappy?Oh,nothingmuch,Isaid.ItsjustIthoughteveryonehatedme,butnowIknowMr.

Brownedoesnt.Grandmrelookedatme.Whywouldeveryonehateyou,Julian?sheasked.Youaresuchagoodboy.Idontknow,Ianswered.Readmetheemail,shesaid.No,Grandmre,Istartedtosay.Read,shecommanded,pointingherfingeratthescreen.SoIreadMr.Brownesletteraloudtoher.Now,Grandmreknewalittlebitaboutwhat

hadhappenedatBeecherPrep,butIdontthinksheknewthewholestory.Imean,IthinkMomandDadtoldhertheversionofthestorytheytoldeveryoneelse,withmaybeafewmoredetails.Grandmreknewtherewereacoupleofkidswhohadmademylifemiserable,forinstance,butshedidntknowthespecifics.SheknewIdgottenpunchedinthemouth,but shedidntknowwhy. Ifanything,Grandmreprobablyassumed Ihadgottenbullied,andthatswhyIwasleavingtheschool.So,therewerepartsofMr.Brownesemailshereallydidntunderstand.Whatdoeshemean, she said, squinting as she tried to readoffmy screen. Auggies

physicalappearance?Quest-cequecest?Oneof thekids that Ididnt like,Auggie,hehad likethisawfulfacialdeformity, I

answered.Itwasreallybad.Helookedlikeagargoyle!Julian!shesaid.Thatisnotverynice.Sorry.Andthisboy,hewasnotsympathique?sheaskedinnocently.Hewasnotnicetoyou?

Washeabully?Ithoughtaboutthat.No,hewasntabully.So,whydidyounotlikehim?Ishrugged.Idontknow.Hejustgotonmynerves.Whatdoyoumean,youdontknow?sheansweredquickly.Yourparentstoldmeyou

wereleavingschoolbecauseofsomebullies,no?Yougotpunchedintheface?No?Well,yeah,Igotpunched,butnotbythedeformedkid.Byhisfriend.Ah!Sohisfriendwasthebully!No,notexactly,Isaid.Icantsaytheywerebullies,Grandmre.Imean,itwasntlike

that.Wejustdidntgetalong,thatsall.Wehatedeachother.Itskindofhardtoexplain,youkindofhadtobethere.Here,letmeshowyouwhathelookedlike.Thenmaybeyoullunderstandalittlebetter.Imean,nottosoundmean,butitwasreallyhardhavingtolookathimeveryday.Hegavemenightmares.IloggedontoFacebookandfoundourclasspicture,andzoomedinonAuggiesfaceso

shecouldsee.Sheputherglassesontolookatitandspentalongtimestudyinghisfaceonthe computer screen. I thought shewould react thewayMomhad reactedwhen she firstsawthatpictureofAuggie,butshedidnt.She justnoddedtoherself.Andthensheclosedthelaptop.Prettybad,huh?Isaidtoher.

Shelookedatme.Julian, she said. I thinkmaybeyour teacher is right. I thinkyouwere afraidof this

boy.What?Noway! I answered. Im not afraid of Auggie! Imean, I didnt like himin

fact,IkindofhatedhimbutnotbecauseIwasafraidofhim.Sometimeswehatethethingsweareafraidof,shesaid.Imadeafacelikeshewastalkingcrazy.Shetookmyhand.Iknowwhatit is liketobeafraid,Julian,shesaid,holdingherfingeruptomyface.

TherewasalittleboythatIwasafraidofwhenIwasalittlegirl.Letmeguess,Ianswered,soundingbored.IbethelookedjustlikeAuggie.Grandmreshookherhead.No.Hisfacewasfine.So, why were you afraid of him? I asked. I tried to make my voice sound as

disinterestedaspossible,butGrandmreignoredmybadattitude.Shejustsatbackinherchair,herheadslightlytilted,andIcouldtellbylookingintoher

eyesthatshehadgonesomewherefaraway.

IwasaverypopulargirlwhenIwasyoung,Julian,saidGrandmre.Ihadmanyfriends.I had pretty clothes. As you can see, I have always liked pretty clothes. Shewaved herhandsdownhersidestomakesureInoticedherdress.Shesmiled.Iwas a frivolous girl, she continued. Spoiled.When theGermans came to France, I

hardlytookanynotice.IknewthatsomeJewishfamiliesinmyvillageweremovingaway,butmyfamilywassocosmopolitan.Myparentswereintellectuals.Atheists.Wedidntevengotosynagogue.Shepausedhereandaskedmetobringherawineglass,whichIdid.Sheservedherselfa

fullglassand,asshealwaysdid,offeredmesome,too.And,asIalwaysdid,Isaid,Non,merci.LikeIsaid,MomwouldgoballisticifsheknewthestuffGrandmredidsometimes!Therewasaboyinmyschoolcalledwell,theycalledhimTourteau,shecontinued.

Hewashowdoyousaythewordacrippled?Isthathowyousayit?I dont think people use that word anymore, Grandmre, I said. Its not exactly

politicallycorrect,ifyouknowwhatImean.Sheflickedherhandatme.Americansarealwayscomingupwithnewwordswecant

say anymore! she said. Alors, well, Tourteaus legs were deformed from the polio. Heneeded two canes towalkwith.And his backwas all twisted. I think thatswhy hewascalledtourteau,crab:hewalkedsidewayslikeacrab.Iknow,itsoundsveryharsh.Childrenweremeanerinthosedays.IthoughtabouthowIcalledAugustthefreakbehindhisback.ButatleastInevercalled

himthattohisface!Grandmrecontinuedtalking.Ihavetoadmit:atfirstIwasntintohertellingmeoneof

herlongstories,butIwasgettingintothisone.Tourteauwas a little thing, a skinny thing.Noneof us ever talked tohimbecausehe

madeusuncomfortable.Hewas sodifferent! Inevereven lookedathim! Iwasafraidofhim.Afraid to lookathim, to talk tohim.Afraidhewouldaccidentally touchme. Itwaseasiertopretendhedidntexist.Shetookalongsipofherwine.Onemorning,amancamerunningintoourschool.Iknewhim.Everyonedid.Hewasa

Maquis,apartisan.Doyouknowwhatthatis?HewasagainsttheGermans.Herushedintothe school and told the teachers that the Germans were coming to take all the Jewishchildrenaway.What?Whatisthis?IcouldnotbelievewhatIwashearing!Theteachersinthe schoolwent around to all the classes and gathered the Jewish children together.Wewere told to follow theMaquis into the woods.We were going to go hide. Hurry hurryhurry!Ithinkthereweremaybetenofusinall!Hurryhurryhurry!Escape!Grandmrelookedatme,tomakesureIwaslisteningwhich,ofcourse,Iwas.Itwas snowing thatmorning,andverycold.Andall I could thinkwas, If I go into the

woods, I will ruin my shoes! I was wearing these beautiful new red shoes that Papa hadbroughtme,yousee.AsIsaidbefore, Iwasafrivolousgirlperhapsevenalittlestupid!But this iswhat Iwas thinking. I didnot even stop to think,Well,where isMamanand

Papa?IftheGermanswerecomingfortheJewishchildren,hadtheycomefortheparentsalready? This did not occur to me. All I could think about weremy beautiful shoes. So,insteadoffollowingtheMaquisintothewoods,Isnuckawayfromthegroupandwenttohideinsidethebelltoweroftheschool.Therewasatinyroomupthere,fullofcratesandbooks, and there I hid. I remember thinking Iwould go home in the afternoon after theGermanscame,andtellMamanandPapaallaboutit.ThisishowstupidIwas,Julian!Inodded.IcouldntbelieveIhadneverheardthisstorybefore!AndthentheGermanscame,shesaid.Therewasanarrowwindowinthetower,andI

couldseethemperfectly. Iwatchedthemrunintothewoodsafter thechildren. Itdidnottakethemverylongtofindthem.Theyallcamebacktogether:theGermans,thechildren,theMaquissoldier.Grandmrepausedandblinkedafewtimes,andthenshetookadeepbreath.They shot theMaquis in front of all the children, she said quietly. He fell so softly,

Julian,inthesnow.Thechildrencried.Theycriedastheywereledawayinaline.Oneofthe teachers,Mademoiselle Petitjean,wentwith themeven though shewas not Jewish!Shesaidshewouldnotleaveherchildren!Nooneeversawheragain,poorthing.Bynow,Julian,Ihadawakenedfrommystupidity.Iwasnotthinkingofmyredshoesanymore.Iwasthinkingofmyfriendswhohadbeentakenaway.Iwasthinkingofmyparents.IwaswaitinguntilitwasnighttimesoIcouldgohometothem!ButnotalltheGermanshadleft.Somehadstayedbehind,alongwiththeFrenchpolice.

Theyweresearchingtheschool.AndthenIrealized,theywerelookingforme!Yes,forme,andfortheoneortwootherJewishchildrenwhohadnotgoneintothewoods.Irealizedthen thatmy friend Rachel had not been among the Jewish childrenwhoweremarchedaway.NorJakob,aboyfromanothervillagewhoallthegirlswantedtomarrybecausehewassohandsome.Wherewerethey?Theymusthavebeenhiding,justlikeIwas!Then I heard creaking, Julian. Up the stairs, I heard footsteps up the stairs, coming

closertome.Iwassoscared!Itriedtomakemyselfassmallaspossiblebehindthecrate,andhidmyheadbeneathablanket.Here,Grandmrecoveredherheadwithherarms,asiftoshowmehowshewashiding.AndthenIheardsomeonewhispermyname,shesaid.Itwasnotamansvoice.Itwas

achildsvoice.Sara?thevoicewhisperedagain.Ipeekedoutfromtheblanket.Tourteau! I answered, astonished. I was so surprised, because in all the years I had

knownhim,IdontthinkIhadeversaidawordtohim,norhimtome.Andyet,therehewas,callingmyname.Theywillfindyouhere,hesaid.Followme.And I did followhim, for bynow Iwas terrified.He ledmedownahallway into the

chapeloftheschool,whichIhadneverreallybeentobefore.Wewenttothebackofthechapel,wheretherewasacryptallthiswasnewtome,Julian!AndwecrawledthroughthecryptsotheGermanswouldnotseeusthroughthewindows,becausetheywerelookingforusstill.IheardwhentheyhadfoundRachel.Iheardherscreaminginthecourtyardastheytookheraway.PoorRachel!Tourteautookmedowntothebasementbeneaththecrypt.Theremusthavebeenone

hundred steps at least. These were not easy for Tourteau, as you can imagine, with histerriblelimpandhistwocanes,buthehoppeddownthestepstwoatatime,lookingbehindhimtomakesureIwasfollowing.Finally, we arrived at a passage. It was so narrow we had to walk sideways to get

through. And then we were in the sewers, Julian! Can you imagine? I knew instantlybecauseofthesmell,ofcourse.Wewereknee-deepinrefuse.Youcanimaginethesmell.Somuchformyredshoes!Wewalkedallnight. Iwas socold,Julian!Tourteauwas suchakindboy, though.He

gavemehiscoattowear.Itwas,tothisday,themostnobleactanyonehaseverdoneforme.Hewas freezing, toobuthegavemehis coat. Iwas so ashamed for theway Ihadtreatedhim.Oh,Julian,Iwassoashamed!She coveredhermouthwithher fingers, and swallowed.Then she finished the glass of

wineandpouredherselfanother.The sewers lead to Dannevilliers, a small village about fifteen kilometers away from

Aubervilliers. Maman and Papa had always avoided this town because of the smell: thesewersfromParisdrainedontothefarmlandthere.WewouldnteveneatapplesgrowninDannevilliers! But its where Tourteau lived. He took me to his house, and we cleanedourselves by the well, and then Tourteau brought me to the barn behind his house. Hewrappedmeupinahorseblanketandtoldmetowait.Hewasgoingtogethisparents.No,Ipleaded.Pleasedonttell them. Iwassofrightened. Iwonderedif,whentheysaw

me,theywouldcalltheGermans.Youknow,Ihadnevermetthembefore!ButTourteauleft,andafewminuteslater,hereturnedwithhisparents.Theylookedat

me.Imusthaveseemedquitepatheticthereallwetandshivering.Themother,Vivienne,putherarmsaroundmetocomfortme.Oh,Julian, thathugwasthewarmesthugIhaveeverfelt!Icriedsohardinthiswomansarms,becauseIknewthen,IknewIwouldnevercry inmyownmamans armsagain. I justknew it inmyheart, Julian.And Iwas right.TheyhadtakenMamanthatsameday,alongwithalltheotherJewsinthecity.Myfather,whohadbeenatwork,hadbeenwarnedthat theGermanswerecomingandmanagedtoescape.HewassmuggledtoSwitzerland.ButitwastoolateforMaman.Shewasdeportedthatday.ToAuschwitz.Ineversawheragain.Mybeautifulmaman!Shetookadeepbreathhere,andshookherhead.

Grandmrewassilentforafewseconds.Shewaslookingintotheairlikeshecouldseeitallhappeningagainrightinfrontofher.NowIunderstoodwhyshednevertalkedaboutthisbefore:itwastoohardforher.Tourteaus family hid me for two years in that barn, she continued slowly. Even

though itwas so dangerous for them.Wewere literally surroundedbyGermans, and theFrenchpolicehadalargeheadquartersinDannevilliers.Buteveryday,Ithankedmymakerfor thebarn thatwasmyhome, and the food thatTourteaumanaged tobringmeevenwhentherewashardlyanyfoodtogoaround.Peoplewerestarvinginthosedays,Julian.Andyet they fedme. Itwas a kindness that Iwill never forget. It is always brave to bekind,butinthosedays,suchkindnessescouldcostyouyourlife.Grandmrestartedtogetteary-eyedatthispoint.Shetookmyhand.ThelasttimeIsawTourteauwastwomonthsbeforetheliberation.Hehadbroughtme

somesoup.Itwasntevensoup.Itwaswaterwithalittlebitofbreadandonionsinit.Wehadboth lost somuchweight. Iwas in rags.Somuch formyprettyclothes!Even so,wemanagedtolaugh,TourteauandI.Welaughedaboutthingsthathappenedinourschool.Even though I could not go there anymore, of course, Tourteau still went every day. Atnight,hewouldtellmeeverythinghehadlearnedsothatIwouldstaysmart.Hewouldtellmeaboutallmyold friends, too,andhowtheyweredoing.Theyall still ignoredhim,ofcourse.AndheneverrevealedtoanyofthemthatIwasstillalive.Noonecouldknow.Noonecouldbetrusted!ButTourteauwasanexcellentnarrator,andhemademelaughalot.He could dowonderful imitations, and he even had funny nicknames for allmy friends.Imaginethat,Tourteauwasmakingfunofthem!I had no idea you were so mischievous! I told him. All those years, you were probably

laughingatmebehindmyback,too!Laughingatyou?hesaid.Never!Ihadacrushonyou;Ineverlaughedatyou.Besides,Ionly

laughedatthekidswhomadefunofme.Younevermadefunofme.Yousimplyignoredme.IcalledyouTourteau.Andso?Everyonecalledmethat.Ireallydontmind.Ilikecrabs!Oh,Tourteau,Iamsoashamed!Ianswered,andIrememberIcoveredmyfacewithboth

myhands.Atthispoint,Grandmrecoveredherfacewithherhands.Althoughherfingerswerebent

witharthritisnow,andIcouldseeherveins,Ipicturedheryounghandscoveringheryoungfacesomanyyearsago.Tourteautookmyhandswithhisownhands,shecontinued,slowlyremovingherhands

fromherface.Andheheldmyhandsforafewseconds.Iwasfourteenyearsoldthen,andIhadneverkissedaboy,buthekissedmethatday,Julian.Grandmreclosedhereyes.Shetookadeepbreath.Afterhekissedme,Isaidtohim,IdontwanttocallyouTourteauanymore.Whatisyour

name?Grandmreopenedhereyesandlookedatme.

Canyouguesswhathesaid?sheasked.Iraisedmyeyebrowsasiftosayno,howwouldIknow?Thensheclosedhereyesagainandsmiled.Hesaid,MynameisJulian.

OhmyGod! Icried.ThatswhyyounamedDadJulian?Even thougheveryonecalledhimJules,thatwashisname.Oui,shesaid,nodding.AndImnamedafterDad!Isaid.SoImnamedafterthiskid!Thatissocool!Shesmiledandranherfingersthroughmyhair.Butshedidntsayanything.ThenIrememberedhersaying,ThelasttimeIsawTourteauSowhathappenedtohim?Iasked.ToJulian?Almostinstantaneously,tearsrolleddownGrandmrescheeks.TheGermans tookhim, she said, that sameday.Hewasonhisway to school.They

weremakinganothersweepofthevillagethatmorning.Bynow,Germanywaslosingthewarandtheyknewit.But,Isaid,hewasntevenJewish!Theytookhimbecausehewascrippled,shesaidbetweensobs.Imsorry,Iknowyou

toldme thatword is a badword, but I dont know anotherword in English.Hewas aninvalide.ThatisthewordinFrench.Andthatiswhytheytookhim.Hewasnotperfect.Shepracticallyspatouttheword.Theytookalltheimperfectsfromthevillagethatday.Itwasapurge.TheGypsies.The shoemakers son,whowassimple.AndJulian.My tourteau.Theyputhiminacartwiththeothers.AndthenhewasputonatraintoDrancy.AndfromtheretoAuschwitz,likemymother.Weheardlaterfromsomeonewhosawhimtherethattheysenthimtothegaschambersrightaway.Justlikethat,poof,hewasgone.Mysavior.MylittleJulian.Shestoppedtowipehereyeswithahandkerchief,andthendranktherestofthewine.His parents were devastated, of course, M. Beaumier and Mme. Beaumier, she

continued. We didnt find out hewas dead until after the liberation. But we knew.Weknew.Shedabbedhereyes.Ilivedwiththemforanotheryearafterthewar.Theytreatedmelikeadaughter.TheyweretheoneswhohelpedtrackdownPapa,althoughittooksometime to findhim. Somuch chaos in those days.WhenPapa finallywas able to return toParis, Iwent to livewithhim.But I alwaysvisited theBeaumiersevenwhen theywereveryold.Ineverforgotthekindnesstheyshowedme.Shesighed.Shehadfinishedherstory.Grandmre,Isaid,afterafewminutes.Thatslike,thesaddestthingIveeverheard!I

didntevenknowyouwereinthewar.Imean,Dadsnevertalkedaboutanyofthis.Sheshrugged.IthinkitsverypossiblethatInevertoldyourfatherthisstory,shesaid.

Idontliketotalkaboutsadthings,youknow.Insomeways,IamstillthefrivolousgirlIused tobe.Butwhen Iheardyou talkingabout that littleboy inyour school, I couldnothelp but think of Tourteau, of howafraid I had once been of him, of howbadlywehadtreatedhimbecauseofhisdeformity.Those childrenhadbeen somean tohim, Julian. Itbreaksmyhearttothinkofit.Whenshesaid that, Idontknow,something just reallybroke insideofme.Completely

unexpected.Ilookeddownand,allofasudden,Istartedtocry.AndwhenIsayIstartedto

cry, I dontmean a few tears rollingdownmy cheeksImean like, full-scale, snot-filledcrying.Julian,shesaidsoftly.Ishookmyheadandcoveredmyfacewithmyhands.I was terrible, Grandmre, I whispered. I was so mean to Auggie. Im so sorry,

Grandmre!Julian,shesaidagain.Lookatme.No!Lookatme,moncher.Shetookmyfaceinherhandsandforcedmetolookather.Ifelt

so embarrassed. I really couldnt look her in the eyes. Suddenly, that word that Mr.Tushmanhadused,thatwordthateveryonekepttryingtoforceonme,cametomelikeashout.REMORSE!Yeah,thereitwas.Thatwordinallitsglory.REMORSE.Iwasshakingwithremorse.Iwascryingwithremorse.Julian,saidGrandmre.Weallmakemistakes,moncher.No,youdontunderstand!Ianswered.Itwasntjustonemistake.Iwasthosekidswho

weremeantoTourteau.Iwasthebully,Grandmre.Itwasme!Shenodded.Icalledhimafreak.Ilaughedbehindhisback.Ileftmeannotes!Iscreamed.Momkept

makingexcusesforwhyIdidthatstuffbuttherewasntanyexcuse.Ijustdidit!AndIdontevenknowwhy.Idontevenknow.IwascryingsohardIcouldntevenspeak.Grandmrestrokedmyheadandhuggedme.Julian,shesaidsoftly.Youaresoyoung.Thethingsyoudid,youknowtheywerenot

right.But thatdoesnotmeanyouarenotcapableofdoing right. Itonlymeans thatyouchosetodowrong.This iswhat ImeanwhenIsayyoumadeamistake. Itwasthesamewithme.ImadeamistakewithTourteau.But the good thing about life, Julian, she continued, is thatwe can fix ourmistakes

sometimes.Welearnfromthem.Wegetbetter.InevermadeamistakeliketheoneImadewithTourteauagain,notwithanyoneinmylife.AndIhavehadavery,verylonglife.Youwill learn fromyourmistake, too.Youmustpromiseyourself that youwill neverbehavelike that with anyone else again. One mistake does not define you, Julian. Do youunderstandme?Youmustsimplyactbetternexttime.Inodded,butIstillcriedforalong,longtimeafterthat.

Thatnight,IdreamtaboutAuggie.Idontrememberthedetailsofthedream,butIthinkwewerebeingchasedbyNazis.Auggiewascaptured,butIhadakeytolethimout.Andinmydream,IthinkIsavedhim.OrmaybethatswhatItoldmyselfwhenIwokeup.Sometimes,itshardtoknowwithdreams.Imean,inthisdreamtheNazisalllookedlikeDarthVadersImperialofficersanyway,soitshardtoputtoomuchmeaningintodreams.But what was really interesting tome, when I thought about it, is that it had been a

dreamnotanightmare.Andinthedream,AuggieandIwereonthesameside.Iwokeupsuperearlybecauseofthedream,anddidntgobacktosleep.Ikeptthinking

aboutAuggie,andTourteauJuliantheheroicboyIwasnamedfor.Itsweird:ThiswholetimeIhadbeenthinkingaboutAuggielikehewasmyenemy,butwhenGrandmretoldmethatstory,Idontknow,itallkindofjustsankinwithme.Ikeptthinkingofhowashamedthe original Julian would be to know that someone who carried his name had been somean.Ikept thinkingabouthow sadGrandmrewaswhen she told the story.Howshe could

rememberallthedetails,eventhoughithappenedlike,seventyyearsago.Seventyyears!WouldAuggieremembermeinseventyyears?WouldhestillrememberthemeanthingsIcalledhim?Idontwant tobe remembered for stuff like that. Iwouldwant tobe remembered the

wayGrandmreremembersTourteau!Mr.Tushman,Igetitnow!R.E.M.O.R.S.E.Igotupassoonasitwaslightout,andwrotethisnote.

DearAuggie,IwanttoapologizeforthestuffIdidlastyear.Ivebeenthinkingaboutitalot.Youdidnt

deserveit.IwishIcouldhaveado-over.Iwouldbenicer.IhopeyoudontrememberhowmeanIwaswhenyoureeightyyearsold.Haveanicelife.

Julian

PS:IfyouretheonewhotoldMr.Tushmanaboutthenotes,dontworry.Idontblameyou.

WhenGrandmrewokeupthatafternoon,Ireadherthenote.Improudofyou,Julian,shesaid,squeezingmyshoulder.Doyouthinkhellforgiveme?Shethoughtaboutit.Thats up to him, she answered. In the end,mon cher, all that matters is that you

forgiveyourself.Youarelearningfromyourmistake.LikeIlearnedwithTourteau.DoyouthinkTourteauwouldforgiveme?Iasked.Ifheknewhisnamesakehadbeen

somean?Shekissedmyhand.Tourteauwouldforgiveyou,sheanswered.AndIcouldtellshemeantit.

IrealizedIdidnthaveAuggiesaddress,soIwroteanotheremailtoMr.Browneaskinghimif I could send himmy note toAuggie and have himmail it to him forme.Mr. Brow