By James Lehman, MSW, LCSW

A PROGRAM

Workbook

Parenting skills to improve child behavior

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A PR P P P P P P P P P PA P AMRGOR

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The Total Transformation is a step-by-step program to help youunderstand and manage disrespectful, obnoxious, and abusivebehavior in your child or grandchild. Ultimately, it is a comprehen-sive program for change. Change in your child’s behavior. Changefor the better in your life as a parent. Each lesson in the programbuilds on the one before it. It is important to start at the beginningand proceed through the program according to James’ instructions.

What To Do FirstListen to the Total Transformation Jump Start CD.1] Before you do anything else, listen to the Jump Start CD. James will give you important information that

will help you change your child’s behavior faster and more effectively. He’ll explain how the program

works, what to do and what to expect as you begin using these tools for changing your child’s thinking.

Listen to this CD before you begin the audio lessons.

2] Go to the workbook. Read all the information in the introduction.

3] Take the Pre-Evaluation, which is found on page 5 of the workbook, at the end of the introduction.

4] Once you have completed the Pre-Evaluation, turn to Lesson One in the workbook and take the brief Pre-

Test for this lesson. Answer the questions, then close the workbook and listen to Audio Lesson One.

5] After you have listened to Audio Lesson One, read the information in Workbook Lesson One. Then follow

the Action Steps James provides for you at the end of the lesson. The Action Steps are specific directions to

follow throughout the week ahead to help you apply the information you have just learned to your fami-

ly’s situation. It’s a good idea to listen to the audio lesson again one or two days after you first review it,

or at any time if you are feeling challenged or unsure, in order to help reinforce the new ideas you will be

learning.

The program will continue in this sequence –

> Workbook Pre-Test to determine how this information pertains to you and your child

> Audio lesson

> New information in workbook

> Specific Action Steps to practice and reinforce the new information learned

How to UseThis Program

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Easy Does It - One Step at a TimeNote: James recommends taking one lesson each week. No more. Resist the temptation todive into the program and absorb all the lessons in one or two sittings. You will not be ableto learn all the techniques if you hurry through the program. Likewise, do not pick andchoose lessons. Vital information is offered sequentially with skills building upon each other,offering you and your child optimal results.

Take the lessons in order and do one each week. You will be applying new techniques with your children and to your own parenting style. As youdo, you will find the week-by-week approach is the quickest, most effective way to transformyour child’s behavior and improve your home life.

Important Note to Parents:

The Total Transformation program provides parents with tools and techniques designed to help them become

more effective parents. It is not designed to deal with children who have psychological disorders or medical

conditions, and the strategies it suggests will not work for all types of children at all stages of development.

Various factors may affect whether the program is effective with a particular child, including the child's age

and developmental level, the child's setting/environment, and the parent's skill in applying the program.

Children who exhibit signs of dangerous behavior, either to themselves or others, should be placed

under the care of a qualified professional. The Total Transformation program is not intended to take the

place of professional therapy, counseling or medical treatment. Children currently under the supervision of

a professional should not discontinue such care without the consent of this professional. This program is

not intended as a substitute for medication, and you should never discontinue a child's medication without

consulting a qualified professional.

All the statements in the Total Transformation program represent the opinions of its author, James Lehman.

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Welcome to The Total Transformation

Struggling with a child’s behavioral difficulties can feel isolating, frustrating and

embarrassing for parents. But those days are now over for you. You are no longer

alone in this process. I will be here to help you every step of the way, with a program

that will empower you with the knowledge you need to transform your child’s behavior.

The Total Transformation program is designed to help parents become more effective at teaching their children the

problem-solving skills they need in order to make progress in life.

I believe these serious behaviors emanate from a marked inability to solve problems. In my view, having feelings of

anger, frustration, anxiety and depression are problems which have to be solved in ways that don’t cause self-defeat

or harm to others. In this program, I seek to give parents the tools they need to comprehend what is actually going on

with their children and help them learn how to solve problems effectively. First, a few words about the approach and

language I use in this program.

Subjects in this program are referred to with masculine pronouns, as in "he" or "him." This is done simply for the

purpose of expediency and consistency. It is important to note that this information is useful for female children and

teens as well as males.

Children and youth are sometimes referred to as "kids" in the program. Due to the wide application of the material, I

feel that the terms "youth," "youngster," "child," and "children" would be best summed up by utilizing the word many

of us use to refer to our own children – as our "kids."

When a child is in crisis, safety becomes the primary issue and focus of any intervention. Managing the crisis

and keeping everyone safe becomes the first priority. Responsibility and accountability should be addressed after the

crisis, utilizing the problem-solving techniques I’ll teach you in this program.

This workbook is intended as a guide to support your use of The Total Transformation program and is not a stand-

alone product. It is extremely important that you follow the directions I give you in the program to get the best results.

As you work on change, choose one thing at a time. Try using one technique. Use it for a week, and then move on to

the next one.

Congratulations on taking this important step toward transforming your child’s behavior. I’m going to give you lots of

information you can use starting today and plenty of help. So let’s get started.

James Lehman MSW

Introduction

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For three decades James Lehman has worked with behaviorally troubled youth and the familiesand professionals who live with, educate, treat and manage them. In public schools, residentialtreatment centers, private schools, and numerous outpatient and inpatient settings, James hasdeveloped an approach to managing children and adolescents which challenges them to learn tosolve social problems without hiding behind a facade of disrespectful, obnoxious, or abusivebehavior.

James brings a wealth of personal experience to the arena of child and adolescent therapy, andhas good reason to focus on behavioral management, having experienced severe behavioral prob-lems himself as a child and adolescent.

Born in 1946, James was abandoned at age two by parents unable to take care of him. He wasfound by Mr. Teddy Lehman, who with his wife Marguerite, went on to adopt him. James beganto exhibit oppositional and defiant behavior at home and in the classroom. There was no suchthing as special education then, and as he grew older, these behaviors became more severe.Eventually he quit school, left home, lived on the streets in New York City, and drifted into a lifeof substance abuse and crime, which led to numerous prison sentences. After more than six yearsin various jails and prisons, James was given the opportunity to participate in an accountability-focused treatment program.

James graduated from that treatment program and participated in a period of training, became astaff coordinator, and his career as a counselor, therapist and teacher began. James attendedFordham University for two years, moved to New England, and obtained a Bachelor's Degree inSocial Work, graduating Summa Cum Laude. As he continued working with children, families andprofessionals, James was able to attend Boston University and, in 1989, graduated with a Master'sDegree in Social Work.

While working at a comprehensive residential treatment center, James began private practice,providing treatment, consultation and training to families, public schools and state agencies. Thefocus of that work was to provide parents, teachers and case managers with the tools to successful-ly challenge children with difficult behaviors to develop the problem-solving and self-managementskills necessary to be successful without relying on disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior.

The Total Transformation program was developed to expand this message to a wider audience offamilies who are struggling to help the children and teens in their care to become respectful kidsand responsible adults. The program offers parents the same techniques James has used in his pri-vate practice.

About James Lehman

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Directions: Once you have listened to the Jump Start CD and read the information in the introduction, answer the questions in this Pre-Evaluation. This questionnaire will help you identify the behaviors to focus on with your child in The Total Transformation program.

Check all that apply:1] When your child is angry, frustrated, anxious or depressed, does he:

______ Take out feelings on others______ Get revenge______ Use the silent treatment______ Say mean or rude things______ Scream at someone______ Run away______ Break something______ Hit someone or something______ Swear______ Drink______ Smoke cigarettes______ Use drugs______ Refuse medication______ Refuse suggestions______ Overeat______ Make suicidal gestures or statements______ Withdraw______ Dwell on negative emotions______ Feel like a victim______ Blame others for his problems

INTERPRETATION:If you checked at least three behaviors on this list, your child is exhibiting inappropriatebehaviors that may lead to problems with self and others. If you checked more than threebehaviors on the list, your child is exhibiting serious behavior problems and needs moreserious interventions now.Many adolescents experience these behaviors at some time or other throughout their teens,but having a pattern or cluster of these behaviors indicates that something isn’t workingwell and needs to change. The first place to begin that change is with you, the parent.Through the use of The Total Transformation, there is hope for you and your child.

PRE-EVALUATION

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Check all that apply:2] What events trigger your child’s inappropriate behaviors?

______ Being told “no” or “not now.”

______ Having to share

______ Questions about schoolwork or homework

______ House rules and day-to-day limits

______ Having an audience of friends

______ Requests to do homework or chores

______ Requests to stop playing video games

______ Getting up in the morning

______ Bedtime

______ Curfew

______ Requests to turn off the television or music

______ Requests to take off earphones or a headset

______ Becoming jealous or resentful of a sibling’s parental attention

INTERPRETATION:If you checked two or more triggers on the above list, your child has serious problems withaccepting responsibility and authority. The Total Transformation program will help youmaintain appropriate parental authority, while encouraging your child’s ability to respond ina responsible manner. You will learn to identify the triggers that set off difficult behaviorand help him find alternatives to that behavior that are appropriate.

Check all that apply:3] Does the child’s behavior affect the family:

______ Emotionally______ Spiritually

______ Functionally

______ Socially

______ Financially

Other: ____________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

PRE-EVALUATION

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4] In what way does your child’s behavior cause your family to be more isolated from activities, friends or neighbors?

5] Who else besides your child is affected by the inappropriate behavior?

INTERPRETATION:The behaviors that you checked off or recorded have things in common:

1. They have resisted all previous efforts to change them.

2. They affect the child and others negatively.

3. They demonstrate your child’s inability to solve problems and come up with

solutions that seem clear and simple to others.

4. The solutions your child comes up with to solve life’s problems not only fail to solve

the actual problems, but actually create more difficult problems for both the child

and others.

> Next:Please turn to Lesson One in the workbook and take the brief Pre-Test for that lesson.

HAVE A QUESTION? NEED SOME HELP?

Our 1-on-1 Coaching is available to answer any questions you have now or at any pointin the program. Call us at 1-800-782-1182. We're here to give you support and guidance as you use The Total Transformation Program. Our Total Transformation 1-on-1 Coaches know kids, and they are experts in The Total Transformation Program.Give us a call if you have a question or just need some objective advice about a situa-tion with your child.

PRE-EVALUATION

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