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Helping today’s parents raise exceptional kids

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Issue 8

WISE WALKING

DO YOU EVER LOOK AFTER YOURSELF?

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TURNING GUN PLAYINTO FUN PLAY

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FIT BRAINS WORK BESTPage 06

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GOTYEWHEN A DREAM IS UNHINDERED

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www.parentingideas.com.au Issue 8 Page 1

MICHAEL GROSE

Welcome to the eighth edition of Parentingideas magazine,designed to give you up-to-date advice and to make your parenting easier.

This year we are expanding our team of contributors offering a wider range of expertise. All our contributors are Australasian; are practising parenting educators and (mostly practising parents) and have valuable insights or information to offer.

In this issue Parentingideas journalist Karen Fontaine revisits the ‘gun play debate’, which has particular relevance in light of the moves in the United States to repeal gun laws. Does playing with toy guns promote future aggressive behaviour or is it a normal part of childhood? Karen asked the experts and comes up with some surprising responses.

Maggie Dent is one of Australia’s wisest parenting educators and I’m thrilled she’s joined our team of regular contributors. Her article” Getting a grip on worry-warts” offers practical, child-friendly advice for parents with children who are anxious or overly-worried.

Every parent wants to maximise their children’s learning opportunities and there’s no better way than ensuring their brains are fit and healthy. First-time contributor, brain-fitness specialist, Dr. Jenny Brockis has plenty of fantastic tips to make sure your children’s grey matter is working for them.

On the subject of fitness Kidproof’s Catherine Gerhardt has contributed a great article outlining the benefits of walking to school, and included some smart tips to make sure your children’s walk to school is safe, social and secure.

Lately, I’ve noticed many parents use the children of friends and relatives as benchmarks to assess their children’s progress. I’ve written an article examining this modern phenomenon and suggesting some healthier alternatives.

Ninja Dad Malcolm Dix returns and he’s a reformed dad. He writes about seven new parenting habits he’s picked up.....and how his children are all the better for it! It’s a good laugh too! Parent Wellbeing’s Jodie Benveniste has submitted another great reminder that parents need to look after ourselves if we are to really give kids the nurturance they need. Mark this under must-read.

In a very revealing article Parentingideas magazine regular Bill Jennings writes about the importance of nurturing young people’s dreams. He also has salient advice for young people – make your dreams sharp, specific and focused. Oh, he shares the dreams of a rather remarkable young man. Who would have thought?

There’s a lot to love about this issue of Parentingideas magazine.

Enjoy!

Michael Grose

Parentingideas Club is coming!We are launching a new level of online parenting support later this year!Subscribe to Happy Kids, and hear all

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Join thousands of parents and follow MichaelGroseParenting on Facebook.

About Michael Grose

Michael is widely regarded as Australia’s No. 1 parenting educator. The author of eight books for parents his latest Thriving! has been described “as the new roadmap for raising 3-12 year olds with confidence, character and resilience.” He supports over 1,000 Australian schools and hundreds and thousands of parents with his practical, easy-to-read resources. An in-demand speaker Michael is one of fewer than 100 Certified Speaking Professionals (CSP’s) in Australia. Contact 1800 004 484 to find out how to have Michael liven up your next conference or event.

PS: If you enjoy this edition of Parentingideas magazine then do all the writers a favour and PASS IT ON to a friend, colleague or family member. Email it with a personalised message. Best of all, It’s FREE!

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When it comes to toy guns, in which camp do you belong? Do you see them as inherently evil harbingers of future aggressive behaviour? Or do you view them as a harmless and indeed normal part of childhood, especially for testosterone-fueled boys?

If you’re in the latter camp, you might be of the opinion that gun play actually builds on age-old themes of life and death and good versus evil, which are fundamental to a child’s developing morality and sense of empathy.

Early childhood development expert Dr Cathrine Neilsen-Hewett, a lecturer at Macquarie University’s Institute of Early Childhood, says there is and always has been a fascination with war play, with boys “just gravitating towards toy weaponry from a really early age”.

However, she says there has not been a single study that has linked pretend gunplay with future violent behavior.

“Most experts would agree that if you ban it completely it becomes more of an issue,” she says. “And of course if a child plays only with toy guns and is exposed to violence in the home and within their neighborhood and all of their play is aggressive – then yes, they are at risk. But in isolation, where children play with toy guns yet balance it with other forms of play, it’s not an issue.”

As Dr Neilsen-Hewett – herself a mother of three, including two boys aged eight and five, points out – it’s not so much a toy gun itself that’s the issue, it’s the way in which it’s used that seems to have more of a determining effect on a child’s longer term development.

“If children are using a toy weapon as just a part of an imaginary game, then there are huge benefits in terms of promoting development,” she says. “Imaginative

TURNING GUN PLAY INTO FUN PLAYAs confronting as it can be to see a child armed with a toy gun, there are actually benefits to imaginary play – provided it’s monitored, writes Karen Fontaine

BY KAREN FONTAINE

IMAGINATIVE PLAY IS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT TYPE OF PLAY FOR CHILDREN’S DEVELOPMENT

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play is the most significant type of play for children’s development. We know that children who play a lot that way tend to be more creative, better at problem solving, their language skills are more advanced and there are huge social and emotional benefits, not to mention the fact that it’s active play, which is really important for their physical development.”

Dr Neilsen-Hewett encourages parents to watch how their children are playing, “because play is like a window into your child’s soul”.

“Children use play for different purposes,” she says. “It’s about fun and enjoyment, yes, but they also employ play as an attempt to understand concepts or make sense of what’s happening in their world. It’s a mirror into how they perceive the world; for instance after September 11 we saw children playing coffins, and we have children in daycare playing hospitals when a parent has cancer. Play is often a reflection of what is happening in the broader culture.”

Still, there are parents who will never accept guns as an acceptable toy, or parents who once tolerated them but are now taking a stand against them, such as an Adelaide mum, who in the wake of the latest school massacre in the US, offered her two sons $5 for each toy gun they threw out.

“She adopted a classic behaviourist approach whereby you reward or punish a child to increase or limit a particular behavior,” says Dr Neilsen-Hewett. “But what we often find is that when the incentives are no longer there, the behaviour doesn’t change.”

Dr Neilsen-Hewett says adopting a strength-based approach to behavior management is best. That is: talk to your children about toy guns, give the reasons why you don’t like them, explain why you don’t want your child to have them – and then highlight other forms of play that are equally or more attractive to them.

When it comes to pretend gunplay, Dr CathrineNeilsen-Hewitt’s offers parents these tips:

Remember the importance of imaginary play

“Imaginative play is the most significant andimportant type of play for children’s development.We know that children who play a lot that waytend to be more creative, better at problem solving,their language skills are more advanced and there are huge social and emotional benefits. And that’s not to mention the fact that it’s active play, which is really important for their physical development.”

Set limits on gunplay

“You can place rules around it, and that’s what we have in our house. The boys are not allowed to point guns directly at people, there’s no killing and sometimes I’m also involved in the play. The boys will often hand me a gun and we’ll play around and while I am doing that I’ll throw in comments like ‘how about we get the baddies this way?’ – thinking of other ways they can play without shooting. It’s really engaging. It’s about developing connections with children and also letting them know that this is okay in a play situation.”

Use pop culture to kick-start conversations

“It’s really about asking questions and becomingpart of what they are doing. You can bring things up through watching popular kids shows like Ben 10 or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, saying things like ‘they seem to do a lot of fighting – do you reckon there are other ways they could achieve what they want to achieve by not fighting?’. Use it as a stimulus to discuss. In our house, we talk about real guns and how they kill people and make people sad. Talking about the difference between real and pretend helps them to make the distinction between play, which is wonderful, and reality. It’s important to make that distinction from a really early age.”as tennis nets and table tennis.”

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BY MICHAEL GROSE

Have you ever compared your child’s behaviour, academic progress or social skills with a sibling or your friend’s children?

Comparing your child with others is a stress-inducing and, ultimately, useless activity.

But it’s hard to resist, as we tend to assess our progress in any area of life by checking out how we compare with our peers.

When you were a child in school you probably compared yourself to your schoolmates. Your teachers may not have graded you, but you knew who the smart kids were and where you ranked in the pecking order.

Now that you have kids of your own do you still keep an eye on your peers? Do you use the progress and behaviour of their kids as benchmarks to help you assess your own performance as well as your child’s progress? Or perhaps you compare your child to yourself at the same age?

Benchmarking children’s progress with that of other children is not a wise parenting strategy. Inevitably, it will lead to parent frustration as there will always be a child who performs better than your own on any scale you use.

Kids develop at their own rates

Each child has his or her own developmental clock, which is nearly impossible to alter. There are slow bloomers, early developers, bright sparks and steady-as-you-go kids in every classroom. The slow bloomers can cause the most concern for parents who habitually compare children to siblings, their friends’ kids and even themselves when they were in school.

THE PITFALL OF USING OTHER CHILDREN AS BENCHMARKSBenchmarking children’s progress with that of other children is not a wise parenting strategy. Inevitably, it will lead to parent frustration as there will always be a child who performs better than your own on any scale you use

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The trick is to focus on your child’s improvement and effort and use your child’s results as the benchmark for his or her progress and development. “Your spelling is better today than it was a few months ago” is a better measure of progress than “Your spelling is the best in the class!”

Gender matters

It’s no secret that boys’ and girls’ brains were developed by different architects. One major difference lies around timing, or maturity. The maturity gap between boys and girls is anywhere

between 12 months and two years. This gap seems to be consistent all the way to adulthood.

Quite simply, girls have a developmental head start over boys in areas such as handwriting, verbal skills and relationship skills. Boys benefit greatly from teaching strategies designed for their specific needs. They also benefit from having teachers and parents who recognise that patience is a virtue when teaching and raising boys, as it seems to take longer for many boys to learn and develop.

Kids have different talents, interests and strengths

So your eight-year-old can’t hit a tennis ball like Novak Djokovic, even though your neighbour’s child can. Avoid comparing the two as your child may not care about tennis anyway.

It’s better to help your child identify his or her own talents and interests. Also recognise that the strengths and interests of a child may be completely different to those of his or her peers and siblings.

Avoid linking your parenting self-esteem to your child’s performance

As a parent you should take pride in your children’s performance at school, in sport or their leisure activities. Seeing your child do well is one of the unsung pleasures of parenting. You should also celebrate their achievements and milestones, such as taking their first steps, getting their first goal in a game or getting great marks at school.

However, you shouldn’t have too much personal stake in your children’s success or milestones, as this close association makes it hard to separate yourself from them. It may also lead to excessive parental pressure for kids to do well for the wrong reasons – to please you!

The maxim “You are not your child” is a challenging but essential parental concept to live by. Doing so takes real maturity and altruism, but it is the absolute foundation of that powerful thing known as “unconditional love”.

Michael Grose, ParentingideasMichael Grose is the founder of Parentingideas, Australia’s No. 1 parenting education provider.

www.parentingideas.com.auoffice@parentingideas.com.aufacebook.com/michaelgroseparenting

YOU ARE NOT YOUR CHILD

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Nurturing young minds to help them perform at their very best is something parents and teachers do really well together. But recently I have noticed a growing trend towards squeezing more and more learning into school time, resulting in squeezing out exercise periods or private study time. Our kids are increasingly on the go which, from a brain fitness point of view, isn’t ideal for best performance. We haven’t been designed for long periods of focused attention; our brains get tired and need ‘brain breaks’ to reflect, evaluate and consolidate learning.

Students who do best at school are often ‘all-rounders’. They may be good academically, but also thrive in sport, music, drama and community work. This is great for those kids who are motivated and able to do all these things and do them well.

But for other kids who may struggle a bit with learning, or who may not like exercise, increased

study may actually set them up for less success both at school and later in life. It sends the wrong message about the need for exercise and life balance at any age.

Brain fitness is now becoming recognised as being as important as physical fitness in the promotion of healthy bodies and brains. It incorporates those lifestyle choices that lead to optimal brain development and function, and by starting early it provides the groundwork for better attention skills, better learning and greater emotional resilience.

As parents we are placed in an ideal situation to help our kids achieve this. There are a number of ways we can help boost their level of brain fitness (and ours too!):

1. Physical activity. The Australian guidelines have recently been revised and the recommended minimum amount of physical activity increased to 60 minutes per day. Not only does this help to burn off excess energy, it stimulates greater mental performance. Kids who exercise regularly have better focus, fewer behavioural issues, get better academic grades, have a more positive outlook and are more resilient when dealing with stress.

The type of activity they choose is less important than getting them involved and participating. Any aerobic activity that they enjoy, gets their heart rate up and makes them slightly puffed is going to be good for their brain.

2. Nutrition. Because our brain cells don’t store glucose, it’s really important to encourage kids to eat regularly and not allow them to skip meals. Brains are very greedy. They consume over 20% of all the energy we supply our body with each day – it takes

FIT BRAINS WORK BESTMaximise your children’s learning opportunities by making sure their brains stay fit and healthy

BY JENNY BROCKIS

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a lot of energy to keep those brain cells firing on all cylinders. Encouraging our kids to try different foods to extend their culinary tastes, and getting them involved in food shopping and preparation, helps to instil an interest in food and good nutrition. Healthy food certainly doesn’t have to be boring.

3. Encouraging a positive attitude. Carol Dweck is a mindset expert in the USA who has shown that having a positive or open mind keeps us open to new ideas. Kids with a positive attitude become better problem solvers and look forward to challenges, seeing opportunity rather than the risk of failure. And attitude is always a choice!

4. Helping our kids manage stress levels is crucial, especially in today’s busy world. Kids today have far more to juggle compared to even 10 years ago, which can lead to heightened stress levels, worries and feelings of anxiety. Checking in to ensure that they are not feeling overburdened by schoolwork and having sufficient down time can really help with coping skills. Participating in yoga classes, deep breathing and other relaxation techniques including meditation can all help as well.

5. Making sure our kids get enough sleep. Sleep is as important to brain function as nutrition and exercise. Unfortunately, many children, for a variety of reasons, are getting either insufficient sleep or too much broken sleep. Wherever possible, technology should be kept out of the bedroom and screen time limited at night. The bright bluish light from tablets and smartphones can interfere with how our brains shut down for sleeping. Grumpy behaviour or a drop in school grades could simply be a sign of too little sleep.

6. Kids need to spend time with friends for play and socialising. Sleepovers, play dates and just hanging with friends is crucial to developing social intelligence skills.

7. Stimulating young brains to be curious and engaged with the wider world. Our kids learn a lot in school but they learn far more about their world by exploring the rest of their environment. Going to the park, a museum, the zoo or the theatre may kindle an interest or passion in a particular topic.

Helping our kids to stay brain fit helps them to think better, achieve more and sets them up for greater success as they grow up.

Jenny Brockis, Brain FitnessDr Jenny is a brain fitness specialist and author of the book Brain Fit! – How smarter thinking can save your brain. She writes a blog and a regular newsletter, Brain Fit with Dr Jenny. She is mum to two young adults.

www.drjennybrockis.com

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GETTING A GRIP ON WORRY-WARTSAs parents we often grapple with our own worries but one of the most common questions I get asked by mums and dads is ‘what do I do when my child seems overly worried or anxious?’

BY MAGGIE DENT

Symptoms of separation anxiety disorder include:

Worrying about bad things happening to loved ones and being separated as a resultPersistent reluctance to go to preschool/school, to be alone, to be without adults or loved ones (e.g. at home or when going to sleep)Repeated nightmares with themes of separationPhysical complaints/symptoms when separated or anticipating separationObvious distress.

What does anxiety look like?

Symptoms of general anxiety can include, stomach aches, headaches, difficulty sleeping, avoiding school, nail biting and physical reactions such as increased heart rate or breathing.

Canadian researcher Dr Lynn Miller has also found that there are many frequently overlooked symptoms of anxiety:

Angry outburstsOppositional and refusal behavioursTemper tantrumsAggressionAttention seeking behavioursHyperactivity and difficulty sitting stillAttention and concentration problemsScholastic underachievement or excessive resistance to doing workFrequent visits to school nurseHigh number of missed school daysDifficulties with social or peer group (i.e. worrying obsessively about what others think of you).

Early anxiety is developmentally normal – in fact, being fearful or anxious is an essential human survival response. However, as parents we need to know how to soothe our children to help them get a handle on their anxiety. Otherwise it may interfere with their wellbeing.

In fact, anxiety is the most significant mental health issue in childhood and yet it frequently goes undetected, untreated and is frequently misdiagnosed as one of the attention disorders.

Anxiety can begin as early as age two but we see a significant rise when children enter the school system. Unless it’s addressed many will go on to suffer their whole lives.

Why kids worry

We must remember that children under 6 or 7 see the world through children’s eyes. This often means they find plenty to fear as the parts of their brain that rule rational thinking are not fully developed.

Research shows that the number one thing that children fear is feeling separated or unloved by their parents.

This means going to childcare or school, going to sleep, seeing mum or dad walk out the door, sharing mum or dad with a new baby, or not feeling connected to their parents can be huge triggers for anxiety.

While separation anxiety is normal, it’s important for parents of sensitive children to really be on the lookout for when it becomes excessive.

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How to help an anxious child

Many parents I speak to wonder if they should try to ‘toughen up’ their sensitive worriers, but I would caution against this approach. Sometimes pushing a fearful child who’s not ready can just make the fear even more real.

Rather, I think parents can build their child’s capacity by gently walking them through some of the things they need to face with lots of love, lots of reassurance and lots of soothing.

Assess the environment

If a child is experiencing anxiety, or even to prevent anxiety, try to look at their environment through their eyes and ears.

For example, a huge trigger for children is listening to or watching the news. We must be very mindful of not leaving TVs or radios on around children, exposing them to reports and/or images of disaster,

Top tips for reducing anxiety:

Slow things down, leaving plenty of time for transition between activities.Have good routines particularly around eating and sleeping.Soothe your child with safe, loving touch and warmth – lots of cuddles, and rubbing the ‘tickle point’ at the base of their neck. Don’t overschedule your children’s lives or put too much pressure on them to perform/achieve.Make time for silence and relaxation every day. Research shows 10 minutes has proven benefits for the whole family.For separation anxiety, make an effort to build ‘love bridges’ with kids: take a small bite out of their sandwich before placing it in the lunchbox; place kisses in their hands to hold onto all day; lay with them at night. Little things are big things to kids.

death or trauma. Even online, be mindful if your home page is a news page that may sometimes feature horrific images.

To help prevent anxiety becoming an issue we can make childcare choices that suit our children, particularly being mindful of our sensitive children or children under two who are often developmentally unable to manage environments that cause them stress.

These children really need a ‘mothering’ influence. This can come from mum, dad or someone else. I encourage parents to co-parent around work schedules as much as possible and seek care with trusted relatives, friends or family day care.

Maggie Dent Author, educator and speaker dedicated to quietly changing lives through commonsense wisdom. She has four adult sons and is author of five books including Nurturing Kids’ Hearts and Souls, and Saving Our Adolescents. Check out her blogs, newsletter and other resources at

http://www.maggiedent.cominfo@maggiedent.comwww.facebook.com/maggiedentauthorwww.twitter.com/queenofcommonse

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Last week my fifteen-year-old daughter commented on how “differently” I “do things” with her four-year-old brother compared to the way I parented her when she was the same age.

At first I thought it couldn’t be that different, but upon reflection I realised she is absolutely right. The ‘Old Dad’ that still lurks inside me is very different to the current version. In fact if they were to meet at a party, I think each would consider the other somewhat weird.

Specifically, the ‘Old Dad’ (OD) did seven things he no longer does:

1. Old Dad would happily let his kids watch TV and play computer games before school.

OD’s excuse: But they enjoy it and it allows me to do other things in the morning … doh!

Result: They weren’t physically active or engaged in reading books, etc. The research now clearly indicates this didn’t help prepare their wee brains for the exciting days ahead at school.

2. Occasionally OD used to send his kids to school if they were a little bit sick or had one or two nits.

OD’s excuse: Yeah but I drugged them up to their eye balls and I got most of the little critters out of her hair and hey, I had an important meeting that day … doh!

Result: Other kids got sick, my child didn’t get better and I had to take more time off work anyway.

3. OD would sometimes complete his kid’s homework if they were struggling or running out of time.

OD’s excuse: Yeah but I was just trying to help and by crikey, no child of mine is going to fail primary

school … doh!

Result: Teachers could never accurately gauge how my kids were doing. My kids never learnt from the consequences for their lack of organisational and time-management skills. Furthermore it gave them the message that when push came to shove, Dad would save the day at the last minute.

4. OD never minded his children being late for school.

OD’s excuse: Oh what does it matter if they’re a little bit late, they’re only little after all … doh!

Result: My kids missed out on crucial social interactions with their friends as well as the opportunity to develop and settle into a regular routine before their day of learning. (Now that my eldest two are both at high school, I’ve discovered that this is even more important as being at school early allows them time to prepare themselves properly for their day – go to their lockers, check their timetables, select the right books, etc.)

5. OD would carry his kids’ school bags to and from school and regularly help unpack their bag at class … even when they were old enough to do it themselves.

OD’s excuse: The poor things – their bags are so heavy

OLD DAD – NEW DADReinvention is something parents need to do all the time. We need to change with the times, rather than be stuck in old ways

BY MALCOLM DIX

SOMETIMES DOING LESS AS A PARENT, REALLY IS DOING MORE FOR YOUR KIDS

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Malcolm Dix (AKA Ninja Dad)Malcolm is a father of four, Speaker, MC and Corporate Comedian. Read his weekly Ninja Dad blog

www.malcolmdix.com

and they might hurt themselves, and I just want to be an involved dad … doh!

Result: I denied them the perfect opportunity to start developing their organisational and self-management skills at an early age, which would have helped them on their way to becoming confident, independent and resilient kids.

Today, my four-year-old carries his own bag to kindy and firmly informs me that he “can do it” if I even offer to help him unpack it. It’s second nature to him.

6. OD often allowed his older children to stay up late on school nights watching TV. Also as my daughter got older, I would let her take her phone to bed.

OD’s excuse: It’s their favourite TV show and surely she knows she has to turn the phone off at bedtime … doh!

Result: They were tired, distracted and never developed a good bedtime routine. Also, I discovered later that my daughter’s friends would text her after bedtime and epic conversations of teenage proportions would continue well into the night.

Today, my fifteen- and twelve-year-olds hand in their phones and iPads (now compulsory for school) each night before they go to bed without any problem at all.

7. OD would make my eldest kids’ lunches.

OD’s excuse: It’s quicker and easier if I do it. They’re too little. Oh and I nearly cut my thumb off when I was five … doh!

Result: They often wouldn’t eat what I gave them. (They had no ownership over what was in their lunchbox.) More crucially, I never gave them the chance to develop basic life skills such as preparing simple meals, thereby learning independence and responsibility.

Today, my partner and I get our four-year-old to help make and pack his own lunch, a ‘task’ he loves doing and he often dictates the contents of his lunchbox (which nearly always comes home empty). ‘Old Dad’ would never have contemplated doing that.

So as you can see, it’s taken ‘Old Dad’ a while to change. He thought he was doing the right thing by his kids, but he was actually denying them a wonderful opportunity to grow and learn – and have fun doing it!

Today it’s safe to say that my four-year-old (and even his two-year-old brother) is already significantly more capable, independent and resilient than his older siblings were at a similar age (albeit through no fault of their own) and I love it. Thankfully, the last few years have seen my older kids become much more independent.

But some parents seem surprised by my parenting style. For example, they are bemused by the fact that I make them walk or catch the bus to and from school when we live quite close by. To that I say, “Well yeah, that’s exactly the point”.

While ‘Old Dad’ would have driven the two-kilometre school run and thought nothing of it, today I now have kids who can read and decipher a bus timetable, work out how long they need to walk to the bus stop (time-management) and calculate the cost of their weekly fares (money management) and who are confident and capable of getting themselves around on public transport … all because I stepped back and let them do something for themselves.

Sometimes doing less as a parent, really is doing more for your kids. Pity ‘Old Dad’ never knew that back in the day. Thankfully, his modern day equivalent is slowly figuring things out. Now, if I could just work out a way of retrieving my hair from Old Dad …

Happy Parenting

Malcolm

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WISE WALKINGThere’s no better way for kids to start their school day than with a safe, social walk to school.

With school back in and kids getting another year older, I’ve decided it’s time to get my kids walking to and from school independently. We have always consciously tried to walk either to or from school at least a couple of times per week. After all, walking to school can be a great confidence boost for kids and it helps meet their physical activity requirements. The difference is that now I want them to be able to do it without me.

Tips on traffic

Traffic related danger is one of the most common reasons cited by parents for not allowing their children to walk to and from school. And it is true – children are at increased risk of pedestrian injuries because they are smaller in size, they have less experience with traffic signals and they cannot anticipate a driver’s actions. Talk with your children

about the kinds of traffic signals that exist. Most kids know green means go and red means stop, but do they understand what a ‘give way to pedestrians’ sign means, or what a flashing walk signal represents? Talk to kids and make them aware of the rules of the road when you are in the car, or when you ride your bikes together.

Choosing a safe route

Work together with your child to choose the safest route possible. A safe route has good footpaths, safe intersections to cross at, is not secluded, and does not require a child to cross the street from between parked cars. A route that has other people walking along it, people’s homes, shops or offices is also a wiser direction to take. Highlighting pedestrian safety skills while walking, especially along the intended route, is very important. What are some of the rules

BY CATHERINE GERHARDT

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Catherine Gerhardt, Kidproof MelbourneKidproof provides proactive and preventative child and family education programs. We work with schools, community groups and other child centric organisations. We provide peace of mind for parents and create safer communities for everyone.

www.kidproofsafety.com.aumelbourne@kidproofsafety.com1 300 577 663

your child thinks pedestrians should follow so that they are safe when walking? You should always walk a route with your children a few times, before expecting them to use it by themselves.

Bikes and scooters

It’s worth considering additional rules if kids are riding their bikes or scooters to school. These include wearing a helmet, not wearing headphones and riding single file while on the footpath. Do you remember those arm signals that allow bike riders to communicate their turns? It might be worth brushing up on and practicing these with the kids.

Safety scenarios

Once again, work through potential scenarios that your child might encounter while walking to and from school. What can they do if it’s raining and a parent from school offers to give them a lift home? Who can they go to if they need help while walking home from school? Discuss safe places they can go to along the route if they need help – places such as shops or any public place where there will be people around. Take the child in and introduce them to a trusted shopkeeper and mention that you have pointed them out as a safe person for your child to go to for help. This will remove any reluctance of the child to actually seek help. Carrying phone numbers in their bags for emergency situations can ease your peace of mind as well as the child’s. And always remember the golden rule: children must never go anywhere with

anyone without asking your permission first.

Dressing for success

Another part of walking to school safely is dressing properly for the weather. A good backpack distributes weight all over the body and helps prevent injury to backs and shoulders. A lightweight spray jacket or fold up umbrella are good options if the weather changes through the day. A hat, good shoes, some sunscreen and a water bottle will also stand them in good stead.

Fit for life

One of the great things about walking to school is the exercise your children will get. As we all know, daily exercise is important for being healthy and staying fit. Experts agree that children should get 60 minutes of exercise every day. If you walk several times per week and include exercise as part of your daily routine, kids will make a good start on a path to being fit for life!

My kids returned from their first independent walk home from school, hot and smiling from ear to ear. And what was their first remark?

“Can we do that again tomorrow?”

GREEN MEANS GO AND RED MEANS STOP

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Issue 8 Page 14

BY JODIE BENVENISTE

DO YOU LOOK AFTER YOURSELF?With mental health high on the agenda for raising kids, the importance of parent self-care can’t be understated

Recently, we asked parents this question: “Do you think it’s important to look after yourself as a parent?”

One hundred per cent of parents said, “Yes!”

We also asked: “Do you believe looking after yourself helps create better relationships with your children and partner?”

Not surprisingly, everyone again said, “Yes!”

We then asked this very important question: “Do you look after yourself?”

Unfortunately, most parents said: “No. Not really.”

These were some of the reasons why parents aren’t looking after themselves:

“Three kids under four years old is what’s stopping me!”“Juggling work, school, home, husband, and ‘me’ time sometimes gets all too hard so the first thing that suffers is me.”“Time is a big factor. I’ve just got too much on.”“I don’t look after myself as best I could. It’s mostly lack of money that prevents me from doing this.”

But there seems to be more to it than time, money or competing demands. Some parents also expressed these underlying feelings:

“I’m used to putting my family ahead of myself, and I feel guilty if I do something for myself.”“While I know it’s important, I guess I’ve forgotten how to value myself.”“I feel like my needs are less important than other people’s needs.”“I don’t feel I deserve it.”

As parents, we don’t always value ourselves and our own needs. We put others’ needs ahead of our own.

But for those parents who do find ways to look after themselves, they speak of enormous benefits:

“It helps keep things in perspective, and I don’t getso overwhelmed.”“I feel recharged and more energised when I’ve had some time to myself.” “When I’m looking after myself, I’m being a good role for my kids.”“When I feel happy and nurtured I can be happy and loving with my family and calmer and more patient. I can give the best of myself.”

Parents who do manage to look after themselves do so in myriad ways.

They exercise, eat healthy food, catch up with their friends, go on date nights with their partner, have a massage, pursue a hobby, and try and get enough sleep.

While many parents admit they don’t get to look after themselves as much as they would like, even a little bit can go a long way.

We all know that raising kids isn’t easy. There are many demands, and seemingly not enough time in the day.

But when we look after our own emotional wellbeing, we get more out of life. We’re less likely to let day-to-day stresses weigh us down, we’re open to learning and growing with our kids, we love deeply and laugh more.

What do you do to nurture yourself? Are there ways that you could look after yourself better? Is there

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www.parentingideas.com.au Issue 8 Page 15

Jodie Benveniste, Parent WellbeingJodie Benveniste is a psychologist, parenting author, and the director of Parent Wellbeing.

Visit parentwellbeing.com to find out how you can create emotional wellness in your family – beginning with yourself.

parentwellbeing.cominfo@parentwellbeing.comfacebook.com/parentwellbeingtwitter.com/parentwellbing

something you could do regularly that would help you to feel healthier and happier and more in love with family life?

Everyone deserves to be nurtured – especially parents.

RAISING KIDS ISN’T EASY

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Issue 8 Page 16

BY BILL JENNINGS

WHEN A DREAM IS UNHINDEREDDo you nurture your kids dreams? Here’s a story of how parents who nurtured a young man’s dreams turned out to be a great career move.

Late last century, members of a network of Melbourne boys’ schools were each asked to send a senior student, one of their finest, to an education conference. The organisers had dreamed up a heady topic: Boys’ Education for the New Millennium. Mark, a friend and mentor of many years, had phoned me and asked for some help in developing a youth panel session. He wanted authenticity. He wanted the true insights of these young blokes.

I’ve been to plenty of education conferences where the ‘voices of the students’ section is wooden and cringe worthy. It wasn’t like that with this group. In fact they were of such a high calibre that the facilitation was easy.

The memories of that project have come flooding back very recently ... but more on that in a moment.

Mark and I felt we needed to get the fellas talking to each other and we wanted to give them time to consider what they might say on the panel. So a couple of weeks before the event, we took them off to Matteo’s restaurant in Brunswick Street. Being seventeen- and eighteen-year-old boys, they smashed down three large courses each. When I saw the bulging eyes of the conference organiser fixing on the bill, I knew the pressure was on for them to come up with something outstanding!

He need not have worried. The chats over that dinner were a privilege to be a part of. We asked them: “What fires your spirit?”, “Who inspires you?”, “What is your passion?” and “What have been the instructive moments in your life, both the euphoric and tough times?” We wanted to hear their stories and the group of young men did not disappoint.

I have always remembered this group and recently I

was reminded of one of them again. The impression he gave is still clear. He knew what his passion was and he was full of gratitude for the people who were supporting him in pursuit of it.

“All my life, I have loved music,” observed the young man.

He was captain of his school. I remember thinking at the time how great it was that his peers and teachers had picked him. Boys’ schools have worked really hard in the last couple of decades at expanding the previously narrow concept of what made you a ‘good bloke’, an acceptable male. How good is it that a musician, not the hero of the first football team, was school captain?

This young man was particularly eloquent on the panel and he had a powerful affect on the audience of adults. Looking out from the stage, I could see how struck they were with the clarity of his dream and how it had been unhindered by his important people.

As this was nearly fifteen years ago, my memory of

HOW GOOD IS IT THAT A MUSICIAN, NOT THE HERO OF THE FIRST FOOTBALL TEAM, WAS SCHOOL CAPTAIN?

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www.parentingideas.com.au Issue 8 Page 17

Bill Jennings, Time & SpaceBill Jennings is Australia’s leading parent-child program facilitator. As director of Time & Space, Bill offers your community exactly that… ‘time & space’ for young peopleand their parents to share important memories and, in doing that, create a new one.

www.time-space.com.aubjennings@time-space.com.au

his exact words is lost, but here are the sentiments I remember:

My mum and dad have always taken my dream seriously.I love what I feel when I make music. Music is what I want to do with my life and my parents have always supported me in that dream. Never have they suggested another, safer path.

The young man made an impact on me and his story helped to confirm a hunch I have always had ... that if people, particularly young people, know what they want then the momentum of their motivation becomes an unstoppable force. When the dream is pure and fuelled by loved ones who cheer for them, when there

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Or if you are already part of the T&S community, you can email this link to a friend.

is no clash of ambition between the elders and the young dreamer, then anything can happen.

Why do I know this?

Because back in 1998 that young man introduced himself to the group as Wally. His full name is Wouter (Walter) de Backer, but he is now known to the music world and his fans as Gotye. And on Sunday the 10th of February this year, he won three Grammy awards.

PARENT Takeaway

The hero of this story had a mum and dad who took his dream seriously. Take your child’s dreams seriously. One of the great motivating forces for a young person is them knowing what they want and having something to aim for.

YOUNG PERSON Takeaway

Dare to have a dream. Make it sharp and specific ... and go for it. Ask yourself these questions deep down: What do I really want in life? What fires my spirit? What do I love doing? Allow yourself to shape a dream, a goal to strive for ... it is so much easier to do the hard slog when you have a target to aim at.

Oh yeah, and when you know what your dream is ... let your mum and dad, your important mentors know what it is. When they know what you want – when you are clear about it – they can help you achieve it.

parentingideas.com.au

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BY CATHERINE GERHARDT

BY MICHAEL GROSE

BY JODIE BENVENISTE

BY MALCOLM DIX

BY MAGGIE DENT

BY KAREN FONTAINE

BY JENNY BROCKIS

BY BILL JENNINGS