Sungmin Lim

English 1101

Karen Redding

19 September 2012

Least Correction:

Individual identity v. Team identity

Many educated scholars have argued about identity and they mentioned identity clarifies

person's individual or personal identity. Identity exists on every circumstance for example, work

place, school, activities, community and etc. In Ismail Bala Garba's article he explained identity

as "changing label" (54), and Heere mentioned "The identity scale was modified and used to

measure multiple group identities" (606). According to these two statements the identity is

applying and changing in many ways.

Garba mentioned "The concept of individual identity is multi-faceted, and a range of

meanings have been given to it" (54). Garba is trying to say identities are existing and affecting

our lives in multi ways. Similar to Garba, Heere stated "Throughout a person's life, an individual

will identify with numerous group" (606). Garba and Heere mentioned identities are applying so

many different ways and it is almost like infinity. Garba included "Identity is never final, or

better still, never finalized in any given circumstance" (57) and Heere added "every person

identifies with multiple group, and the relationship between different group are almost endless"

(619) "Extending the group identity instrument to other group identities: national, ethnic, gender,

social class" (619). Both writers are trying to explain there are numerous of identities affect even

to group, community, religious, and culture, and they are endless.

Comment [1]: Sungmin Lim: preposition error

Comment [2]: Sungmin Lim : word cannot stand just prefix word.

Comment [3]: Sungmin Lim: Have to explain each quotations.

Heere focused more on group identity, and Heere is telling us group identity is important

of our lives "Identification with group is an important aspect of life, identification with different

group, particularly member groups, is referred to as social identification" (606). Unlikely, to

Heere's statement Garba mentioned that globalization is detrimental to self image which stems

from identity "With this seemingly global identity, there is now a multi-focal identification; since

identities now are not solely religious, cultural or national, but may involve a specific material

taste, choice or life style" (62). So basically, Garba is saying there are more identities'

relationship between individual, personal, self, and origin "That identities continue to be relevant

in spite of their contested origins, inconsistencies, chasms, and despite their origins in myths and

sheer illusions" (62). Differently to Garba, Heere is saying identities are continuing on group,

team, organization, and universal "Teams to represent an associated group identity, such as

university, work, gender, or nationality, among others" (606).

Garba and Heere stated identity affects on many different ways individual, organization,

culture, religious, and community. The identities are more likely human lives and we are

adapting identities into our lives like Garba and Heere mentioned earlier. For instance, nature,

animals, friends, echo system, community, and every lives are adapting identities. This is why

Garba and Heere studied about individual and team or group identities and told us why is it

important.

Comment [4]: Sungmin Lim: Use different transaction word.

Comment [5]: Sungmin Lim : explain which one is different.

Comment [6]: Sungmin Lim : explanation after quote.

Comment [7]: Sungmin Lim : support your thought.

English 1101 / Redding

Composition 3: Draft 2

9 October 2012

Most Correction:

Adidas, whoever want to compete

There are so many sportswear advertisement in ESPN, Sports magazine, Body Builder

Product magazine, etc. What they want to do is sell their products to people who play the sports

and who like the sports. Most advertisements are bright, fancy, huge, and bombastic to try to

appeal that they have the best products in the world. Adidas is one of the biggest sportswear

company in the world, however, Adidas’ advertisement is different than others it is simple,

precise, and thoughtful. My Adidas advertisement is selling their idea, name value, and goods.

This Adidas advertisement is pretty simple and has lots of meaning. There are just seven

words in entire advertisement: “Nike has great ads” appears inside of rectangular shape of stamp

and Adidas logo with “love competition” under the logo. The opinion of Adidas’ words has lots

of meaning. It sounds like Adidas praises Nike, but what they really saying is Nike has great

advertisement, but Adidas has better sportswear goods. The words “love competition” are very

impact words because without Nike’s respond it makes the audience to think Nike is a coward

and try to escape competition with Adidas. Adidas also used black colored background because

black color represents manly and tough, which is really efficient on sportswear commercial. The

other reason for the black color of background also represent simple, precise, and comfortable.

Comment [1]: Sungmin Lim: It should be singular

Comment [2]: Sungmin Lim: fused sentence

Comment [3]: Sungmin Lim: structural and verb problems.

Comment [4]: Sungmin Lim: Have to use present tense.

Adidas targets are sports players, sports fans, and people who have sportsmanship. The

Adidas knows that most of consumers want something impact, simple, and aggressive for

advertisement and commercial. Therefore, my chosen Adidas’ advertisement is short and black

colored. According to this advertisement Adidas has guts because even though Nike is one

biggest company in the world Adidas insulted Nike and want to compete "love competition"

(Adidas advertisement). The Adidas wanted to let the consumers know that they have coolest

and fancy sportswear goods and make them to think that Adidas’ products are better than Nike.

This advertisement would give many messages to audiences. Most people would think

and understand this meaning of message differently. Also, Adidas made consumers to think over

the Adidas, and make them to compare with Nike to see which products are better. Because of

this black background and seven words of advertisement audiences will think Adidas has the best

sportswear goods and it would make them cool and aggressive.

The Adidas’ advertisement is simple and tough. They did not use many color and did not

say much words, but it has very impact and strong meaning. The focus of this advertisement was

to insult the Nike and prove Adidas is the best. It proved Adidas is manly, tough, wild, and

always want to fight.

I have learned new and fresh information from the peer editing: how to analyze more

detail and more resources on purpose of this advertisement. I have changed and explained more

about what would audiences and consumers think after see this advertisement. The peer editing

also helped me to fix some grammar problems and technics.

Comment [5]: Sungmin Lim: Provide more information.

Comment [6]: Sungmin Lim: Clarify the meaning.

English 1101 Final Portfolio Title (CREATE YOUR OWN)

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter…………………...……………………………………………...…… 1

Quality Comparison……………………………………………………………………...……2

Least Successful Paper (The original final draft submitted to me - NO MARKS) ..…4

Most Successful Paper (The original final draft submitted to me - NO MARKS)...…6

“What’s the Difference?” Short Essay

Revision Samples……………………………………………………………...………………7

Least Successful Paper (with YOUR mark-up) ……...……………...………….……8

Least Successful Paper (new final version) …………..……………...………….……9

Most Successful Paper (withYOUR mark-up) ……………………....………….……12

Most Successful Paper (new final version) …………..……………...………….……14

Free Choice Essay (with YOUR mark-up) ……......………………...………….……15

Free Choice Essay (new final version) …….………………………...………….……16

Sungmin Lim

English 1101

Karen Redding

19 September 2012

Least Successful original:

Individual identity v. Team identity

Many educated scholars have argued about identity and wrote journals, and they

mentioned identity clarifies person's individual or personal identity. Identity exists on every

circumstance for example, work place, school, activities, community and etc. In Ismail Bala

Garba's article he explained identity as "changing label" (54), and Heere mentioned "The

identity scale was modified and used to measure multiple group identities" (606). According

to these two statements the identity is applying and changing in many ways.

Garba mentioned "The concept of individual identity is multi-faceted, and a range of

meanings have been given to it" (54). Garba is trying to say identities are existing and

affecting our lives in multi ways. Similar to Garba, Heere stated "Throughout a person's life,

an individual will identify with numerous group" (606). Garba and Heere mentioned

identities are applying so many different ways and it is almost like infinity. Garba included

"Identity is never final, or better still, never finalized in any given circumstance" (57) and

Heere added "every person identifies with multiple group, and the relationship between

different group are almost endless" (619) "Extending the group identity instrument to other

group identities: national, ethnic, gender, social class" (619). Both writers are trying to

explain there are numerous of identities affect even to group, community, religious, and

culture, and they are endless.

Heere focused more on group identity, and Heere is telling us group identity is

important of our lives "Identification with group is an important aspect of life, identification

with different group, particularly member groups, is referred to as social identification" (606).

Unlikely, to Heere's statement Garba mentioned that globalization is detrimental to self image

which stems from identity "With this seemingly global identity, there is now a multi-focal

identification; since identities now are not solely religious, cultural or national, but may

involve a specific material taste, choice or life style" (62). So basically, Garba is saying there

are more identities' relationship between individual, personal, self, and origin "That identities

continue to be relevant in spite of their contested origins, inconsistencies, chasms, and despite

their origins in myths and sheer illusions" (62). Differently to Garba, Heere is saying

identities are continuing on group, team, organization, and universal "Teams to represent an

associated group identity, such as university, work, gender, or nationality, among others"

(606).

Garba and Heere stated identity affects on many different ways individual,

organization, culture, religious, and community. The identities are more likely human lives

and we are adapting identities into our lives like Garba and Heere mentioned earlier. For

instance, nature, animals, friends, echo system, community, and every lives are adapting

identities. This is why Garba and Heere studied about individual and team or group identities

and told us why is it important.

1

November 30, 2012

Sungmin Lim

Karren P. Redding M.A.

Professor of English 1101

Gainesville State College

503 Oconee Classroom

1501 Bishop Farms Parkway

Watkinsville, Ga 30677

Dear Mrs. Redding

I had many problems on writing my essay. I did not even have any ideas of what I was

writing about. My always had off topics, grammars were bad, and limited vocabularies. When I

was writing my essays I always wrote extra information that really does not matter with my topic,

which it causes off topic. Since my native language is not English does not mean I am okay with

having weak grammar skills. I always had desire to improve my grammar skills through all my

English classes.

I have written three major essays in my English 1101 class. Of course my essays were not

good. However, by reading Mrs. Redding’s comments, my grammar skills had improved. Mrs.

Redding read all my essays and left comments on what I have missed and what I need to fix for

my next essays. Thankfully Mrs. Redding allowed me to have conference meeting, so I can have

brief explanations on my worst essays.

One of my most improvements of my essay is diction and conclusion. I have memorized

vocabulary words from my Reading 0099 class; therefore, I have broad word choices now. My

weakness point of my conclusion was too broad. After I repeated my thesis on the beginning of

2

my conclusion then I just start to repeating all over my body paragraphs again. Mrs. Redding,

however, caught the point and taught me how to get through it.

Writing essays are not always easy to me. I still have to learn lots of writing skills. I know

that writing would not be easy for me and future. However, I will keep try to follow my track and

do my best.

Sungmin Lim

English 1101 / Redding

Composition 3: Draft 2

9 October 2012

Most successful original:

Adidas, whoever want to compete

There are so many sportswear advertisement in ESPN, Sports magazine, Body

Builder Product magazine, etc. What they want to do is sell their products to people who play

the sports and who like the sports. Most advertisements are bright, fancy, huge, and

bombastic to try to appeal that they have the best products in the world. Adidas is one of the

biggest sportswear company in the world, however, Adidas’ advertisement is different than

others it is simple, precise, and thoughtful. My Adidas advertisement is selling their idea,

name value, and goods.

This Adidas advertisement is pretty simple and has lots of meaning. There are just

seven words in entire advertisement: “Nike has great ads” appears inside of rectangular shape

of stamp and Adidas logo with “love competition” under the logo. The opinion of Adidas’

words has lots of meaning. It sounds like Adidas praises Nike, but what they really saying is

Nike has great advertisement, but Adidas has better sportswear goods. The words “love

competition” are very impact words because without Nike’s respond it makes the audience to

think Nike is a coward and try to escape competition with Adidas. Adidas also used black

colored background because black color represents manly and tough, which is really efficient

on sportswear commercial. The other reason for the black color of background also represent

simple, precise, and comfortable.

Adidas targets are sports players, sports fans, and people who have sportsmanship.

The Adidas knows that most of consumers want something impact, simple, and aggressive

for advertisement and commercial. Therefore, my chosen Adidas’ advertisement is short and

black colored. According to this advertisement Adidas has guts because even though Nike is

one biggest company in the world Adidas insulted Nike and want to compete "love

competition" (Adidas advertisement). The Adidas wanted to let the consumers know that they

have coolest and fancy sportswear goods and make them to think that Adidas’ products are

better than Nike.

This advertisement would give many messages to audiences. Most people would think

and understand this meaning of message differently. Also, Adidas made consumers to think

over the Adidas, and make them to compare with Nike to see which products are better.

Because of this black background and seven words of advertisement audiences will think

Adidas has the best sportswear goods and it would make them cool and aggressive.

The Adidas’ advertisement is simple and tough. They did not use many color and did

not say much words, but it has very impact and strong meaning. The focus of this

advertisement was to insult the Nike and prove Adidas is the best. It proved Adidas is manly,

tough, wild, and always want to fight.

I have learned new and fresh information from the peer editing: how to analyze more

detail and more resources on purpose of this advertisement. I have changed and explained

more about what would audiences and consumers think after see this advertisement. The peer

editing also helped me to fix some grammar problems and technics.

[Type text]

My past essays

Sungmin Lim Mrs. Karen Redding

English 1101 December 5, 2012

3

Quality comparison

Rereading these two essays are shameful. The least successful essay was research paper,

and I thought I have done great. However, the result was fail. The research paper was about

comparing two different articles about identity. I knew the concept, but misunderstanding the

articles were my problems. I did not prove and provide enough information on my research

paper; therefore, I made this result. The concept of research paper was clear to me. Research

paper has to written like comparison and contrast. For example, two similar and dislike articles

that had been written with two different perspective of people, however, same topic. I have

learned that I have to provide more and at least enough information for research paper.

The most successful essay was my analyzing my advertisement. The topic was really

clear and comfortable. I chose the Adidas advertisement because I though this advertisement

would be easier than any other commercials. The Adidas is selling sportswear and also the

company logo symbolizes the sport. I was interesting on sports; therefore, when I saw this

advertisement I directly felt I should pick this advertisement. The problem on my most

successful essay is that I did not provide enough details. I should have make more examples,

quotes, and images.