pdf 'unleash the power couple in you!' ingeborg weser & robert benninga
TRANSCRIPT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
!!!!!!!Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!How$to$Celebrate$your$Love!$Ingeborg!Weser!&!Robert!Benninga!
‘Ambi5ous$about$love’$
[email protected]!www.couplepower.nl/en/!!!
How would it be if your relationship would be stronger than ever before?
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And how would it be if you would pick up at least three practical tools and insights to
unleash the Power Couple in you again?
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Ingeborg: ! At first we were a Power Couple ! Then we lost it, we drifted apart ! Beyond repair > Divorce 2007
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Robert: ! Parents survived WW2 Conctr. Camp ! ‘Dad, what does Death mean to you?’ ! Dad: ‘Shall we have an icecream?!’
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
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! Cancer took Mary away 2012 ! Being emotional: YES ! Expressing emotions: So So
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ALL!OK,!!ONE!FRONTIER,!Home!Love!connecLon!!Three!thicknesses!bonds!
TransformaLonal!Forum:!! Vulnerability!! EmoLonality!! Selfdiscovery!!
ALL!OK,!!ONE!FRONTIER,!Home!Love!connecLon!!Three!thicknesses!bonds!
Keys!to!Success:!! Vulnerability!! EmoLonality!! Selfdiscovery!!
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A Power Couple shows ! Strong emotional bond ! Firm commitment ! Vibrant intimacy ! Having great times ! Effective conflict resolution ! Clear communication ! Open emotional expression ! Satisfying deeper needs ! Result: True Togetherness!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
! ‘The TrafficLight’
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1. STOP
2. CONTINUE
3. START !!
1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
Strong Bond: ! Balance, Energy Up, Health ! Easier to Solve Problems ! Business Up, Better Parents
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Weak Bond: ! Conflicts, Distance, Tension ! Energy Drain, Drifting Apart ! Downward Spiral, Distress
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
! The Emotional Bank Account
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! The Emotional Bond Account
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1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
WARM!W:!!Welcome!criLcism,!ask!WHY?!!A:!!!Appreciate,!Accept,!Add!value!R:!!!Repair,!Result_demand,!Respect,!Rest!M:!!!Manifest!Momentum,!More!Meaning!
COLD!C:!!!!CriLcism,!Conflict,!ConfrontaLon!O:!!!Overpowering,!Over_the_top,!Outside!L:!!!Leaving,!Leang!the!essence!go,!Lost!!D:!!Defensive!aatude,!Downward!spiral!
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The!Pursuer!&!Withdrawer!PosiLon!
3!Types!of!Cold!Dialogues!1.!!!The!Protest!Polka!!!!!!→→�Pursuing$&$Withdrawing�$$$2.!!!Find!the!Bad!Guy/Girl!!!!!!
→←!‘Both$Accuse/Blame’""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""$3. Freeze!and!Flee!!!←→�Both$Withdraw�$
BEHAVIOR
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
Pursuer$behavior:$! Complaining!! Becoming!criLcal!! Blaming!or!poinLng!out!your!mistakes!! Yelling!!! Telling!you!how!to!improve!! Becoming!angry!–!blowing!up!! InsisLng!on!making!my!point!even!if!I!get!pushy!! Expressing!frustraLon!in!an!angry!way!! Expressing!disapproval!! Defining!you!as!being!The!problem!! Pursuing!–!insisLng!that!you!pay!agenLon!! Telling!you!how!to!change!! Making!threats!! Prodding!!!
Withdrawer$behavior:$! !Trying!to!zone!out!! !Stay!calm!and!reason!with!you!
! !Shuang!you!out!! !Trying!to!stop!the!conversaLon!by!leaving!
! !Not!listening!and!numbing!out!! !Changing!the!subject!! !Defending!myself!and!showing!you!that!you!are!wrong!
! !Finding!an!exit!–!just!trying!to!get!away!
! !Staying!in!my!head!and!just!not!responding!
! !Going!into!my!shell!–!like!a!turtle!
! !ProtecLng!myself!by!distancing!
! !Refusing!to!talk!and!leaving!
! !Giving!up!and!withdrawing!
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1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
EMOTIONS BEHAVIOR
Softer Emotions: ! Hurt, Sad, Lonely, Let Down ! Unimportant, Inadequate ! Not respected, Failing ++
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EMOTIONS BEHAVIOR
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
In$moments$of$disconnec5om,$deep$down$I$feel:$! Lonely!! Unimportant!! Scared!! Hopeless!! Panicked!! Inadequate!! Failing!! Ashamed!! Isolated!! Humiliated!! Small!! Insignificant!! Unwanted!!
! Dismissed!! Helpless!! Hurt!! InLmidated!! Rejected!! Sad!! Lost!! Confused!! Let!down!! Overwhelmed!! Vulnerable!! Worried!! Shakey!!
1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
3!Types!of!Cold!Dialogues!1.!!!The!Protest!Polka!!!!!!→→�Pursuing$&$Withdrawing�$$$2.!!!Find!the!Bad!Guy/Girl!!!!!!
→←!‘Both$Accuse/Blame’""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""$3. Freeze!and!Flee!!!←→�Both$Withdraw�$
Basic needs met = HAPPY
Respected!
Loved!
Important!
Nr. 1!
EMOTIONS DEEPER NEEDS
BEHAVIOR
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
Essen5al$Rela5onship$Needs$! Importance!&!ContribuLon!! Love!&!ConnecLon!! Reassurance!! Acceptance!! Respect!! Security!&!Safety!! AppreciaLon!! Empathy!! Being!paLent!with!me!! Being!understood!! Being!seen!as!a!good!partner!!! Being!seen!as!a!good!parent!
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When!you/your!needs!are!not!visible…!Nobody!can!see!or!help!you!!
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When you/your needs are not visible… Nobody can see or help you!
! Sharing deeper needs is not easy ! Needs vulnerability & practice ! Bond stronger, Trust bigger…
Openness!and!Vulnerability!!Create!a!Strong!Bond!
EMOTIONS DEEPER NEEDS
BEHAVIOR
1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
Repairing the bond effectively
is what Power Couples do very well !
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! Agree on Sign or Signal ! If one uses it, both respect! ! Wait minimum 20 minutes
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‘Time_out’!! !for!‘Time_in’!!!
! How did your BEHAVIOR contribute? ! What were your Softer FEELINGS? ! What were your Deeper NEEDS? ! Share optimally with your Partner!
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‘Time_out’!! !for!!
‘Time_in’!!!
ME! So ….Be aware of your own Behavior, Feelings and Needs! Do not point at your partner! Focus on how you can change
‘Be the change you want to see’ !
! ‘The TrafficLight’
!
!
1. STOP
2. CONTINUE
3. START !!
1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
!!!!!!!How to turn the Power back on? Cold dialogues create distance in bed!
! Women: First Connection " Sex ! Men: First Sex " Connection ! Mutual Misunderstandings
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! Men are like a Welder: directly HOT ! Women=Oven: takes time to heat up
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1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
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! Big influence on each other ! Same Direction or Drift apart ! Share ups & downs together ! Communicate at all times! ! Be a real & strong team
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Unleash the Power Couple in Your Bedroom & Boardroom !!!
What is really important in your life?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
What you give priority and attention will grow!
Priority is not about time, it is an inner attitude?
Love!Rules!!!
Work!Kids!
Hobbies!
RelaLonship!
Friends!&!Family!
!!! For now: One more tool on how to
keep your relationship powerful
www.5lovelanguages.com Gary!Chapman!
What!is!your!favourite!Love!Language?!!
Celebrate your Love: ! Give positive attention ! Be your partner’s best friend ! Anniversaries, birthdays ! Rituals througout the day ! Resolve your conflicts ! Eat together, use humor ! Undivided time together ! Time and space for intimacy ! Be each other’s 1st priority
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!2.5!hour!interac9ve!Master!Class!
!!!!!!Robert!Benninga!&!Ingeborg!Weser!www.couplepower.nl/en/[email protected]!+31611340089!
1. How!strong!is!your!BOND?!2. What!do!you!DO?!
3. How!do!you!FEEL?!4. What!do!you!NEED?!
5. Take!a!BREAK!!&!!REPAIR!6. Let’s!talk!about!SEX!7. How!to!Celebrate!your!Love?!
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! 2.5 hour Master Classes ! Power Couple Retreats ! Forum Intensives ! Individual Intensives live or via Skype ! 2016: Video/Audio Programs
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FROM HOLLAND! WITH LOVE! !
[email protected]!www.couplepower.nl/en/!!
Unleash!the!Power!Couple!in!You!!!!