peam educator guide - weaad manitoba guide - manitoba sept 2016.pdf · peam educator guide ......

It’s Not Right! Neighbours, Friends and Families for Older Adults

PEAM Educator Guide September 2016

2

It’s Not Right! Neighbours, Friends & Families for Older Adults

Table of Contents

Introduction .................................................................................................................................. 3

Section One: Overview................................................................................................................... 4

What will presentation participants learn? .................................................................................... 4

Handling Disclosures .................................................................................................................. 4

Facilitating Scenario Discussions - Challenges ............................................................................... 4

Together we are wiser ................................................................................................................ 5

Section 2: Facilitating Scenario Discussions ...................................................................................... 6

Discussion Tips .......................................................................................................................... 6

Viewing the Responses - Learning How to SNCit .......................................................................... 8

Section Three: Scenario Overviews ............................................................................................... 10

Moving In ................................................................................................................................ 10

The Babysitter ......................................................................................................................... 13

The Family Table ..................................................................................................................... 15

3


It’s Not Right! Neighbours, Friends and Families for Older Adults

PEAM Educator Guide

Introduction

The resources for It’s Not Right! Neighbours, Friends and Families for Older Adults (INR-NFF)

are intended to engage a wide variety of audiences in discussion and practice on how

neighbours, friends and family members can learn to recognize and respond to warning signs

of abuse and neglect in the lives of older adults they know. These are the bystanders to

abusive situations who often know that something isn’t right but often don’t know what to do

to help.

Research on bystander engagement has shown that with the right education and support,

neighbours, friends and family members can become first responders who provide information

about where to find help as well as critical support for friends and loved ones who may be

experiencing abuse. Figuring out how to engage people from all walks of life and in all parts of

the country so that they see themselves as having a vital role to play in creating a peaceful,

respectful and supportive society is our shared goal for this program. The INR-NFF resources

have had the benefit of input from professionals and passionate advocates from across the

country and so represents our best collective thinking on the subject in Canada.

The guide has three main sections:

1. Overview of learning objectives, challenges and goals

2. Faciliating scenario discussions – discussion tips

3. Analysis of each scenario

Welcome to our great learning adventure! Your participation and contributions are needed and

appreciated and will help us move toward ending abuse and neglect of older adults. Please

stay in touch with us so that we can keep you informed as the project unfolds.

4


The PEAM team

Section One: Overview

What will presentation participants learn?

Participants will learn to:

Recognize warning signs, risk factors

Recognize ageist attitudes and behaviours

Respond supportively, and with safety and respect

Refer to local services and programs

Handling Disclosures

Presentations often create the space where participants may disclose abuse, either while the

session is happening or after it has ended. Occasionally a participant may realize for the first

time in the session that they have been abused.

If the disclosure happens during your presentation, thank the person for sharing. You can say

something like, “I am sorry that has happened to you.” Suggest that you can speak to them

more about it after the session. The concerns about disclosure happening during the session

are for the person revealing too private information that they may regret later and/or that they

will trigger another participant.

After the session remember that it is not your responsibility to ‘solve’ another person’s life. You

can listen and provide support by offering a contact number where the person can find help.

You can encourage them to reach out for help, that they don’t have to be alone, and that

abuse happens to people from all walks of life. Don’t be afraid to tell people that you are not

an ‘expert’.

Facilitating Scenario Discussions - Challenges

The scenarios are designed to lift the lid for discussions to happen. PEAM educators should be

prepared to address difficult issues that can surface in discussions with respect to ageist,

racist, sexist or victim-blaming comments and also be alert to safety issues.

5


Be Prepared

Listed below are some difficult issues that may arise in a presentation. You will find discussion

tips in the next section for how to deal with them. PEAM educators should be prepared for

situations when a participant:

Disclosures of personal abuse or that experienced by another as above

Monopolizes airtime

Makes an ageist, racist, sexist (etc.) comment

Blames the victim

Voices an intervention that is solving the problem rather than responding with heart

Voices an intervention that is unsafe

Is argumentative, challenging of ideas or people in a disrespectful way

While these situations can be difficult, it is because the content tilts at such an important issue

that is all about our shared attitudes and beliefs. PEAM educators just need to be prepared

that challenging situations can happen – and know that your confidence to deal with them will

grow. You don’t have to be an expert. You don’t have to be perfect. Learn from your

experiences and share your learnings with the PEAM Team community.

Challenges are how we know something is happening. We want to disturb the status quo on

abuse and neglect. We are pioneers who are learning and adapting as we go. Together, we

are beginning to engage people in understanding and accepting that everyone has a role to

play in creating a more peaceful society. We can all do better. INR-NFF is designed to provide

opportunities that challenge us to question attitudes and beliefs that support isolation and

tolerate abusive behaviour to instead foster compassion and courage. These are the long term

goals we are working toward. Small steps will carry us a long way.

Together we are wiser1

PEAM educators should also be prepared to be

inspired and moved by the participants, stories and

experiences that will take place. Amazing things

happen when people are supported and have

opportunity and encouragement to show that they care. Together, we are learning to be more

and more effective at engaging bystanders, our neighbours, friends and family members. It all

adds up to positive social change in small and large ways. We are commited to Changing the

World with YOU Power. Thank you for being a part of the PEAM Team!

1 Margaret Wheatley

6


Section 2: Facilitating Scenario Discussions

The overview of the scenarios in this section is intended to support you in leading discussions by providing an initial analysis of the scenes. Each of the scenarios provides an opportunity to increase public awareness and knowledge to:

Recognize the warning signs and risk factors of abuse and neglect

Recognize ageism and the many ways it contributes to abuse and neglect and how common it is in our attitudes and beliefs

Recognize that power imbalances are involved in abusive relationships – there are different motivations to maintaining power over another person. It can be intentional or unintentional. Many of the scenarios are focused on situations where the person behaving abusively may not recognize that what they are doing is abusive.

Recognize abusive behaviour as occurring on a continuum and that like ageism, it is also common in society. Without help, abusive situations will get worse.

Recognize how common it is to blame the victim

Recognize the complexity in relationships; we need to move away from labelling people as being either ‘good’ or ‘bad’. We are all capable of abusive behaviour

Respond with meaningful support that is respectful and helpful and SAFE!

Recognize the need for both informal and formal supports

Refer to professional services

Discussion Tips

JUST THE FACTS! Remind participants during the discussion that when we are looking at

warning signs, we want to focus on the facts. If we assume we know about the internal

motivations of a character, we move into judgement of the situation. This will inevitably

happen during a group discussion and can become a teachable moment. People will have

different ideas about what actions ‘mean’ in the scenario. There is seldom a single shared

perspective – everyone has different ideas about motivations and meaning. It is useful to point

this out. Bring people back to the facts of the situation as the most useful information we want

to work with.

ADDRESS DISCRIMINATORY REMARKS: There are opportunities to introduce the idea that

ageism and abusive behaviour is common, and that we can agree to help each other recognize

7


when it shows up. Make a verbal agreement with the group that when comments show up in

discussion that start with “those people” or “that culture” they are flags we will use to help us

surface stereotypes and discriminatory attitudes and beliefs.

RECOGNIZE VICTIM-BLAMING: Observations or comments about the person suspected of

experiencing abuse that include the words or phrases like “allows” or “lets it happen” when

speaking about victims shows the way we blame victims for being in abusive relationships. It is

never the victim’s fault that abuse is happening.

CREATE A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT FOR DISCUSSION: Victim-blaming, racist, sexist,

ageist comments will happen and need to be challenged in a non-aggressive way. This is no

small task. Establish an agreement early in the session with participants to surface the ways

that language can help point out the hard-to-see attitudes. Focus on the language, the actual

words can be used, as a ‘clue’ to help us unearth our own widely shared biases. Emphasize

that we all part of the same society, that we all contribute and that we have to help each

other make change.

While we want to challenge blaming and discriminatory comments, we don’t want to shame

the person making the comment such that people feel silenced. “Political correctness” is not

our goal. Rather we want people to feel comfortable to voice opinion and then invite reflection.

It is tricky and will involve trial and error to find the ways that work for you. Please share your

learning.

It is also good to note that:

Violence and abuse happen in all cultures and demographics, it is global

It is easier to see problems in others, more difficult to see in ourselves – this is also

something we share

No religion condones violence or abuse

Violence as a legitimate response to conflict and difference is accepted, widespread and

long established.

SAFETY IS A PRIORITY

Whether you are facilitating discussions or leading SNCit practice, safety is always the priority

for everyone involved. Keep safety at the forefront by asking participants to talk about it

throughout your event.

8


Showing the Scenario:

Set up the scenario before showing it and provide relevant background of the scene

before viewing (relationship of the characters etc.)

Ask participants to watch for warning signs and risk factors

o Remind people that warning signs do not automatically mean that abuse is

happening, warning signs should simply ‘flag’ our attention

View the scenario

Discussion with large group:

Identify warning signs and risk factors – key learning

Allow for general conversation / observations about the situations

Note the different interpretations of the same situation – there is rarely a single unified

perspective, and often very different interpretations. This is a key

learning that demonstrates our sense of reality is based on

interpretation. One can never be certain about meaning – this is why

sticking to the facts when having a conversation is so important

What tips the power balance toward abuse?

o Identify ageist assumptions and other isms that lead to

discrimination – key learning (relationship between abuse and

ageism – other isms. The intersection of different issues that make situations

complex and puts people at a disadvantage)

What are the safety concerns?

Is the situation any different if the gender of the older adult changes. How?

o Allows for deeper discussion about gender differences in ageism and can add a

layer of other isms – sexism, racism, etc.

Viewing the Responses - Learning How to SNCit

The goals:

1. Reduce isolation to increase safety

2. Open the door for support using SNCit

Ask participants to watch for the impact on the character being spoken to and to identify

specifically ‘how’ the speaking character opens or closes the door for support. How successful

is the NFF character at ‘being with’ their friend or family member?

View the responses – if there are 2, the first is always the non-supportive response

9


Debrief

What was the impact on the character being spoken to?

Are the specific actions or words that ‘open’ or ‘close’ the door

o Ask people to state the obvious

Did the character ‘handle’ the conversation with safety and respect – what did they do?

What did the character ‘name’ as the basis for the conversation?

10


Section Three: Scenario Overviews

Moving In

CAST

Mother (Carla) – Maria Vacratsis

Son (Michael) – Carlos Diaz

Michael’ daughter – Amerah Atiyeh

Friend (Francesca) – Jocelyn Zucco

Is there abuse happening? If so, what kind?

Financial abuse. Using mothers bank card without her knowledge for his expenses – this

is a crime. He has no legal authority to access her money, use her bank card, open her

mail for purpose of seeking funds.

Emotional abuse. Moving her without asking.

Violation of Rights – opening her mail, moving her things downstairs

What is the abusive behaviour?

Controlling behaviour

o Disregard for the fact that it is Carla’s house - not allowing Carla to freely make

decisions and choices, imposing his preferences

o Moving her downstairs

o Disregard for her privacy

o Reading her mail

Michael has a strong sense of entitlement

Treating Carla like a child – “mom – what are you doing?!”

Would Michael see himself as abusive?

Michael would not likely see himself as an abuser – his mother may not as well. There

is opportunity with the scenarios to shift the discussion from too easy judgments about

Michael to acknowledge abuse is a social issue as well as an individual one. We want to

move beyond ‘us and them’ discussions because people who are abusive are also our

neighbours, friends and family members. There are many contributing and intersecting

11


factors that create abusive situations – they are always complex situations that can’t be

reduced down to ‘bad’ people. Abuse happens on a continuum and it is common in our

society.

Carla will defend Michael and tell you that he is not a ‘bad’ man. She wants him to be

successful in life. Isn’t that what everyone wants for their children?

Michael is responsible for his actions no matter if they are unintentional or deliberate.

Abuse and violence is common in our society. We have to learn to recognize abusive

behaviour much earlier, both in ourselves and in other people. Research has shown us

that if abusive behaviour is not interrupted in some way, it will get worse. This is one of

the things we want to change – we want people to recognize abusive behaviour when it

first starts to show up in relationships. Being able to name it as abuse is a big social

change.

What are the risk factors?

Michael is dependent upon Carla and he is unemployed

They are living together

He suffers from depression

Alcohol abuse increases risk

This is an escalating situation

What are the ageist attitudes that are implicit in this scene?

Sense of entitlement on the part of the son and granddaughter – Carla is there to serve

them / her assets are free to him

Tension between treating Carla like a child – moving her things without asking, ignoring

her concerns and Michael behaving like a dependent child

Michael would likely not see himself as breaking the law, behaving abusively

Ageism and sexism are both present - sexism in the sense that women have less rights

and are assumed to ‘serve’ the family

Carla’s granddaughter also acts as if Carla is there to serve the family

Who has the power? What are the dynamics in the relationship that tilt it toward abuse?

Michael has the power – he assumes his mother will ‘mother’ him in his time of need –

he demands that – Carla’s feelings don’t matter

He assumes that he can just use his mother’s assets without asking – he feels entitled

Carla’s concern for Michael erodes her power in the relationship because Michael takes

advantage of it

12


Ageist assumptions that make Carla’s rights and wishes less important than those of

Michael

What is the harm?

Michael is breaking the law by taking his mother’s money, using her bankcard

He is using up her resources

He is modeling disrespect of Carla to his daughter

He is undermining his relationship with his mother by treating her without regard for

her wants and wishes as a person with equality

Even if Michael is unaware that his behaviour is abusive, he is responsible for it

If you are Carla’s friend, how might you support her?

Recognize that she is concerned about her son

Acknowledge the rapid changes that are taking place and

ask how she feels about them

Validate her rights

Ask how you can help

Scenario Responses

In the non-supportive response, Francesca is outraged by the situation and she is

pushing Carla to take action in a way that shuts her down and blames her for the

situation. This is victim-blaming. Carla will likely feel the need to defend her son.

Chances are good that this will also hurt their relationship.

In the supportive response Francesca allows her concern to lead the conversation

without taking control about what needs to happen. Genuine concern is honest,

powerful and can open the door for support. Francesca names the changing situation

and expresses her concern. She sticks to the facts, “your life has changed so much”.

She is not judgmental or blaming. The choice about whether to talk about the situation

is left to Carla. If Carla chooses to tell Francesca what is happening, Francesca can be

prepared with information about where they might find help.

Other potential discussion areas:

Use of bankcards / financial abuse – protective factors

How to keep yourself safe – refer to INR brochure “What You Can Do To Keep Yourself Safe From Abuse”

13


The Babysitter

CAST

Mother (Dorothy) – Sandy Ross

Wife (Brittany) – Nicole St. Martin

Son (Albert) – Andrew Moody

Friend (Peter) – Kris Truelson


Emotional abuse – threatening to withhold access to her grandson, treating her wishes

and feelings as unimportant

Financial abuse – not paying for her time or offering to pay for her time



o Dorothy is being coerced, threatened

o Not allowing her the right to freely make decisions and choices

Strong sense of entitlement – Her wishes are ignored, her time is not valued, and it is

expected that she will give whatever support is required without thought for herself.

Treating her like a child – in the sense of ‘do what we say’


The couple seems to be dependent on her

What are the ageist attitudes that are explicit and implicit in this scene?

Dorothy is retired and so is always available

She doesn’t need to be compensated because she has her own money

Her time is not as important, her wishes are not important

The ageist attitudes justify the behaviour – the couple would not see themselves as

being abusive

What are the intersecting issues?

Sexism is present - in the sense that women have less rights and are assumed to

‘serve’ the family

Racism may also be a factor. The daughter-in-law appears to be treating her mother-in-

law like a servant

14


Institutional issues - social policies set agendas – if formal childcare not available the

burden is transferred to other vulnerable people, often grandmothers

Economy – two incomes needed to run the household


It’s two against one

Brittany threatens to cut off her relationship with her grandchild

The young couple is behaving as if her life is for their convenience

Social policies set agendas – if formal childcare not available the burden on families

often falls to grandmothers

What is the harm?

Dorothy is not free to say “no” without jeopardizing the relationship

The relationship with Albert and Brittany will be harmed because they don’t ask her,

there is no attempt to reach a mutual solution

She has little opportunity to contribute to the family on her own terms

Sets the stage for social exclusion by isolating her from her friends and regular activities

If you are her friend, how might you support Dorothy?

See the struggle she is experiencing

Validate her right to make choices

Validate her right to have a relationship with her grandson

Ask how you can support her

It may be hard for her to talk about what is happening

Let her know you are available to listen

Scenario Response (one response)

Peter is worried about Dorothy. Notice that he begins his conversation by making light

of the situation. It will not ‘open the door’ as Dorothy easily brushes it off. Peter adjusts

to try again. He taps into his real concern and communicates that honestly to her. He

touches her arm. He asks a question.

15


The Family Table

CAST

Father (Harold) – Paul Soles

Son – David Gale

Daughter looking at bills – Diane Flacks

Daughter at end of table – Gail Kerble

Friend (Richard) – Robert Levine


Emotional abuse – making plans to sell Harold’s house without his involvement or

regard for his wishes / rights violations in going through his personal papers



o Not allowing Harold to make decisions and choices

Treating him like a child / the sibling’s behaviour could be described as infantilization /

paternalism. The only time they pay attention is when he knocks over the purse, which

is an over-reaction to a small incident.


Loss of Harold’s autonomy increases his vulnerability

What are the ageist attitudes that are implicit in this scene?

Expectation re the burden of having an aging parent, of having to care for him

No sense that his family sees that Harold makes a contribution to the conversation

The ageist attitudes justify the behaviour – the siblings would not see themselves as

behaving abusively


Three against one

The adult children are aligned and overpowering their dad

It is unlikely they would see their behaviour as abusive, ageist

They are ‘problem-solving’ and have set clear goals – sell the house, find a retirement

home, place him there

Harold’s feelings are unimportant in the face of the task at hand

What is the harm?

16


Harold’s wishes are not known or sought – he doesn’t matter in the decision-making

The message to him is that he is ‘a problem’ – is hurtful, disrespectful, destructive to

the relationship

He is going to be forced into a living situation he may not want or be ready for

The shift from being a valued member of society to a being a burden will take a

personal toll

If you are Harold’s friend, how might you support him?

See the struggle he is experiencing

Validate his desire to keep the house

Understand that these are his children and that

any indictment of their behaviour may seem like a

betrayal

Ask how you can help

Let him know you are available to listen

Scenario Responses

The non-supportive response is more about Richard’s anger than Harold’s experience of

the loss of his rights. Richard’s comments may increase the Harold’s sense of isolation

through the judgment about the kids and the challenge that he needs to stand up to

them.

In the supportive response, Richard does not criticize Harold’s children; he gives them

the benefit of the doubt and then names Harold’s mental capacity as a strength.

Possible discussion – what are the differences for men and women as they become less

independent? Is there an assumption that ‘dad’ can’t take care of himself.

17


Notes:

peam educator guide - weaad manitoba guide - manitoba sept 2016.pdf · peam educator guide ......

Documents