perrywinkle

8/12/2019 Perrywinkle

1/20

Ext. Bright house- day

JEFFERY SCHUSTER, 30-ish and Pockmarked, steps up to a big

bright house. He fumbles with a stack of papers under his

left arm. With his free hand he fixes his hair, making it

worse and rings the door bell. From inside we hear a hurriedand muffed responce.

Wade

Cooooooominnnnnnnng!

The door is answered by a large smiling man in his late 40's

with a green fruity shirt on, Wade. Clearly expecting someone

else, Wade does not drop his smile.

WADE (CONT'D)

Can I help you, son?

Jeffery takes a second to register the situation and carries

on.

JEFFERY

Hello, My name is Jeffery Schuster

and I have recently moved into the

neighborhood. I-

WADE

-Is that so? well, I'm Wade Palmer

and-

Wade shakes Jeffery's hand and shouts to the back of the

house

WADE (CONT'D)

JUNE! JUNE, COME HERE AND MEET THE

NEW NEIGHBOR!

JUNE, early 40's with even fruitier dress come to the front

door.

June

Did I hear the words "New Neighbor"?

Oh my goodness, well look at you.

Howdy there. Now which one you move

into?

JEFFERY

The, uh, one story grey house off of


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Clemins.

WADE

Somebody finally sold that old box

of matches?

June playfully hits Wade in the gut, laughing.

JUNE

Oh, Wade. It's about time someone

bought that house. I bet you'll fix

it up nice and good. Coat of paint

does the trick with most anything. A

little white around the edges and

that'll really help it shine. But

look at us Jabber Jawin', come in,

come in. We're having a "BBQ" with

some of the neighbors.

WADE

Perfect chance to meet the rest of

the neighborhood and a perfect

excuse to give you one of my draft

beers.

JUNE

He brews them himself.

WADEI brew 'em myself.

Jeffery takes all this in.

JEFFERY

Oh, no. I shouldn't. I have to-

WADE

You have to learn we don't take no

for an answer in this house. Come on

in and let me show you around.

Wade wraps his arm around Jeffery's neck and pulls him into

the house. June closes the door.

Ext. Bright backyard- day

A good portion of the neighborhood has shown up with varying


3/20

levels kitchy clothing. Couples stand around talking and

laughing, some with drinks and some with burgers. Some kids

play with bubbles and run around a bit. Wade with Jeffery in

tow, opens the sliding glass door to the backyard and begins

to walk Jeffery around.

WADE

Like the yard? Just had it reseeded

by THAT SON OF A BITCH RIGHT THERE!

BEER ME!

The man manning the grill points his spatula at Wade and

grins. He then tosses Wade a beer from the cooler. Wade hands

it to Jeffery.

WADE (CONT'D)

That's Mark Erics. I know! Two first

names? Trust me though, that man has

a thumb so green he makes a Redwood

look like a Nazi. Over here we have

the Tumbridge's and the Lloyd's.

Wade motions to a pair of couples sitting in chairs and

talking in the shade of a canopy.

WADE (CONT'D)

Yup, Two of the prettiest women in

town married two of the best lawyers

in town and two of the worst pokerplayers I've ever met. HAHA, I'm

just kiddin'.

Wade waves them off and moves on to a group of parents

watching their kids play.

WADE (CONT'D)

Now this is Carl and Irene Weinburg.

That's their youngest Reggie and

their eldest Dorthy. These are Earl

and Grace Smith. Lily, Michael andPeter are theirs and that one on the

DS, dead to the world, is mine,

Barry. You got kids, Jeff?

JEFFERY

N-No. I'm not married.


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WADE

AHH, a "swingle"? Haha. I'm just

playing around. Ok, well, that's

about everyone but just to wrap

things up a bit

Wade pulls Jeffery over to snack table where June is mixing

the punch bowl. Wade takes a fork and taps it against

Jeffery's beer bottle. The crowd turns to listen.

WADE (CONT'D)

Everyone! This is Jeffery. He just

moved into town from... where you

from?

JEFFERY

... Tuson.

WADE

TUSON, ARIZONA. Quite a bit aways,

so let's make him feel warm and

welcome... especially since he moved

into a drafty place.

People politely chuckle.

WADE (CONT'D)

Now, Jeffery, go on ahead and sayhello to your new neighborhood.

Jeffery looks around the party. Everyone is waiting for him

to say something with polite smiles on their faces.

JEFFERY

Hello... My name is Jeffery

Schuster. I Have recently moved into

the neighborhood and I am required

by law to introduce myself

and inform you that I am on theNational registry of sex offenders

and Currently Reside at 1947 E

California Ave.

As Jeffery is saying this he has taken the stack of papers

from under his arm and held the front so all can see his

mugshot and personal information. He offers them to people, a


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few take a sheet.

JEFFERY (CONT'D)

If you would like more information

about my criminal misdeeds just go

to HTTP Colon BackslashWWW.NSORegesty.gov Backslash 769806

Lower case b 38 Uppercase A.

Every stares with wide eyes and stunned silence at Jeffery.

Wade slowly takes his beer back from Jeffery's hand and

Jeffery takes the cue to leave via the fenced gate to the

front yard.

EXT. Neighborhood sidewalk- Day

Jeffery Shuffles home. Walking with his head down, lost inhis train of thought. His train is derailed by the clack of a

spray paint can.

Ext. JEFFERY'S HOME- DAY

Looking up, Jeffery Sees the Tweenaged vandals PETER, DOROTHY

& BARRY defacing the Garage Door of his shabby one storey

home. BARRY spies Jeffery coming towards them and alerts

Peter

Barry

Dude, DUDE!

The kids run away with Jeffery half heartedly giving chase

before giving up a little ways down the block. The kids

scream over their shoulders

Peter

BABY FUCKER!

Barry Grabs his crotch and points to behind

BARRY

White meat or Dark, you sick Bitch?

Dorothy Laughs and leads the pack around a house into the

back yard where their cackles fade away. Jeffery looks at his

Garage door and sees "BABY FUCK" in big red letters on the

door. He sighs


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INT. GARAGE- DAY

Jeffery opens his Garage door and steps inside. With no car

and little Other than a few nick-knacks, the Garage is bare.

6 cans of Paint line the wall nearest the door with a paintroller resting on top of the cans. Jeffery grabs them and

returns out side closing the Garage door behind him.

EXT. JEFFERy's Home- Day

Jeffery Pops open a can of paint and dips the roller right in

the can.

INT. MS. CATACKER's Home- Day

MS. CATACKER, 45 & single, peers out her window from behind

the curtain. Eyeing Jeffery as though he were a Tiger with a

Time bomb.

EXT. JEFFERY'S HOME- DAY

Jeffery has cleaned up the sign to read "BY FUCK" when he

senses someone burning a hole in the back of his head. He

turns just in time to see Ms. Catacker duck behind her

curtain, out of sight. Jeffery hangs his head and finishes upthe paint job.

INT. Jeffery's Room- day

Jeffery adjusts his tie, looking in the mirror. He steps back

and check himself over. Decent. Jeffery grabs a handful of

flyers and with much chagrin, exits his bedroom.

Ext. Jeffery's HoME- DAY

Jeffery Heads out the door and nearly stumbls over a box on

his front door stoop. He picks up the box and sees it's a box

of diapers and bottle of warming lubricant. He grimaces and

tosses the two items inside his front landing, quickly

closing the door behind as he heads to the sidewalk, passing

his garage he sees it's been newly vandled with the image of


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PEDOBEAR freshly painted on the door. Jeffery Pauses, failing

to comprehend what it means and Huffs past it.

Int. Neighborhood home #1- day

Doorbell rings. A middle aged man with a cast on his footanswers the door. He feigns a smile. Begin Montage of

NEIGHBORHOOD HOME #1: Cast Man. NEIGHBORHOOD HOME #2: House

wife with tray of cookies. NEIGHBORHOOD HOME #3: 6 year old

who gets his Grandmother. NEIGHBORHOOD HOME #4: Gay Couple.

NEIGHBORHOOD HOME #5: Group of 20-something Males

Jeffery

Hello Sir/Ma'am, My name is Jeffery

Schuster. I Have recently moved into

the neighborhood and I am required

by law to introduce myself-

Jeffery extends his hand. Some shake it, some don't.

JEFFERY (CONT'D)

And inform you that I am on the

National registry of sex offenders

and Currently Reside at 1947 E

California Ave.

Jeffery hands the door answerer his sex offender info sheet

JEFFERY (CONT'D)

If you would like more information

about my criminal misdeeds just go

to HTTP Colon Backslash

WWW.NSORegesty.gov Backslash 769806

Lower case b 38 Uppercase A

Jeffery Turns to leave, not wanting to look at the peoples

judging faces any longer. #1: keeps an eye on him as he

walks away. #2: Retracts her previous offer of cookies. #3:

Shoos the child inside and scowls at Jeffery. #4: One Quicklysmiles and the quickly goes inside while the other makes sure

he leaves. #5: As Jeffery Leaves, a Kid chugs a beer and

tosses it at the back of Jeffery's head.

Int. PUBLIC BUS-evening

Jeffery hold his cell phone to his head, Listening to his


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voicemail with a Wounded look on his face.

Voicemail

...Sorry, but we didn't feel you

right for the electrician position.

With your current situation and thefact you'd be required to enter

peoples homes-... we think your

talents would be best suited

elsewhere, at another company.

Jeffery hangs up

Int. Church Basement-night

Jeffery with freshly poured coffee in hand takes his seat as

everyone else does in the circle of folded chairs And beginsto listen to the sweaty man standing across from him

Brian

I know when it all started. I was

watchin' robin hood, you know the

one with the foxes and... -I was 7

or 8- and When Maid Marion came on

screen with her purple dress and

almond eyes and pointed ears and

that cute little tail of hers I got

a funny feelin- she truly was avixen- an Erection... in my pants

and you know what... It Felt good.

Jeffery feels someone eying him for two men over from Brian,

LARRY, 30's and "methy", gives Jeffery the once over and

locks eyes with him. Licks his lips and makes a kissy face.

Jeffery, disgusted, lets his gaze wanders to the to doorway

of the Basement rectory and spies an alter boy, DAVEY,

waiting by the rest room door, holding his crotch. Davey

pounds on the door

Davey

Come on Ian

He pounds the door again

DaVEY (CONT'D)


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IAN! Come On!

Davey having difficulty holding and playing up his situation

moans. Once the moans start and echo through the hallway and

into the room Jeffery quickly turns away. He looks to see if

anyone noticed him watching. Larry did, he sneers and turnsback to listen to Brian's story. Jeffery does like wise

BRIAN

-So, I'm no Longer allowed at Disney

world- Or Land and, needless to say,

Animal Kingdom but While I know what

I did was WRONG-

Brian over emphasizes this word to the leader of the group

with the clipboard, looking for approval. Leader smiles

BrIAN (CONT'D)I still... deep Down, Do not feel

like a man... I am A Furrie and I

DON'T need to masturbate in Public.

There are claps for Brian who wipes tears form his eyes and

sits down.

INT. CHURCH BASEMENT Hallway- NIGHT

Jeffery leaves his meeting following behind Brian who isgetting a pat of the back from 2 other supporters when he

walks past the Large Bulletin board next to the water

fountains. He spots one particular flyer with better than

average clip art. "NEEDED: SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THEIR WAY AROUND

ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT FOR AN ADULT MAGICIAN. PAY- NEGOTIABLE.

CALL FOR DETAILS (989)555-4346"

Jeffery pulls the flyer down and exits

Ext. JEFFERY'S HOME- night

Barry, Dorothy and Pete start to advance towards the darkened

house, spray paint at the ready when FLASH. Guard lights turn

on and light up the front yard. Jeffery, phone to his ear,

whips open his curtains from his bedroom, peering outside.

The kids scramble to escape the light.


10/20

Int. JeFFERY'S ROOM- night

Jeffery closes the curtains and hears the receiver click on.

RandoHello?

JeFFERY

Hello. Hi. I'm calling about your

flyer up at St. Nicholas.

RANDO

Oh...OH! Yeah yeah yeah, Um , the

electricians position. Um, My name's

Rando and uh- what's your

experience?

JEFFERY

I was an electrician for 5 years.

Before that I was an carpenter for 3

years. I studied at-

RANDO

Good, Good, Great. Listen, it's um a

bit late right now but I am

interested in having you come in.

How does 2 PM tomorrow work?

Jeffery looks about his room for a piece of paper and a pen.

He grabs a sheet of printer paper and a pen from his dresser

drawer.

JEFFERY

Rea- Yeah, Yes. That's fine. Where

are you located?

RANDO

We're in the Meat packing district

at 8299 S Polk.

Jeffery jots it down.

JEFFERY

Great. Thank you. I'll see you

tomorrow at 2.


11/20

RANDO

Alright, til then. Ta ta

Jeffery hangs up and looks at his phone for a second and

mouths "ta ta." Suddenly a Wet THWAP against Jeffery's

bedroom window. He rushes to it and sees it covered in a

thick viscus brown fluid.

Ext. JEFFERY'S HOME- NIGHT

He opens the window and immediately knows it's shit by the

whiff he gets. He looks into the darkness of the night to see

if anyone visible is there. All Jeffery sees is Ms. Catackers

curtains close quickly and the lights in her room go out.

Jeffery slams his window shut and a little chuck of shit

falls off the smelly mass.

EXT. Warehouse- day

Jeffery checks the sheet of printer paper as he comes upon a

disheveled looking warehouse. He walks to the front door and

looks at the call buttons and the corresponding names. "313-

AMAZING RANDO" has Stick on stars around it. Jeffery Buzzes

the button. As soon as he does the heavy metal front door

swings open and a man carrying a box of fake flowers and

trick cards knocks Jeffery down.

RANDO

Holy crap. Sorry Man, I've got magic

and shit.

RANDO, mid twenties with dark hair and a flashy suit coat,

Puts down his box and extends his hand to Jeffery, pulls him

up and brushes him off a bit. He picks up the box and heads

to the painted van in the parking lot. Jeffery follows.

JeFFERY

Um... Are you Rando?

Rando is fighting between not dropping his box and opening

the sliding van door. Jeffery grasps the handle and pulls.

The door opens and Jeffery plops the box down in the

cluterful van filled with stage lights and other boxes.

RANDO


12/20

Uhh- Yeah Yeah and... Oh Crap,

You're the guy aren't you? The

lighting guy. Shit man sorry I

forgot. I've got a gig in like 45

minuets and it"s about 30 minuets

away.

JEFFERY

Do you want me to come back another-

RANDO

-Nonononono, That's fine. This works

out perfectly actually. Umm, have

you got anything going on- do you

need to be somewhere today?

JEFFERY

I'm free... why?

RANDO

I am THE AMAZING RANDO and I'm a

adult magician.

Rando reaches into his inside jacket pocket and pulls out a

bouquet of flowers and then pulls a string to reveal a dildo

in the side the bouquet.

RANDO (CONT'D)

Ehh! Ehh! I got tired of the kidthing so I deal exclusively with

adult entertainment what I need from

you is to simply set up the lights

according to this design

Rando reaches into his outside jacket pocket and hands

Jeffery a simple lighting design, horribly jotted down.

RANDO (CONT'D)

That's it. Consider this your on

site training. If this goes well,you'll pretty much have the job

since... nobody else called me. SO

what do ya say. Wanna Help me make

some MAGIC!

At this point Rando reaches into the opposite inside jacket

pocket and tosses a handful of white confetti into the air.


13/20

Jeffery Picks a piece off of his shoulder and sees the shape

is that of a splatter mark.

RANDO (CONT'D)

CUM-Fetti... so what do you say?

Jeffery Looks at the "Cum-Fetti" and then at Rando and after

a second Smiles.

EXT. Suburban backyard- day

A modestly well built stage with a Banner reading "HAPPY

BIRTHDAY, ANGELA" sits in the backyard of a McMansion. There

are chairs and a bartender at miniature barstand mixing

drinks. A handful of couples are chatting and enjoying

themselves. Rando is dressed in his complete magicians attire

with pants and shoes to match his jacket. Jeffery Finisheschecking the light rig and looks to Rando and gives a thumbs

up. Rando smiles and walks over

RANDO

Everything ready?

JEFFERY

Yup

RANDO

Great. Great. Alright well,everything seems to be ready on this

end but I've got a little problem.

JEFFERY

What?

RANDO

Nothing big, nothing huge. It seems

the guy who booked this party

thought I was an Adult and Kids

magician and apparently a few of thecouples from the neighborhood

brought their kids over here.

Jeffery gets a worried look on his face.

RANDO (CONT'D)

They're in the basement right now.

Look, I know you didn't sign up for


14/20

this but could you grab some Make-up

in my van, there should be some

clown pants there too. Just put them

on, head down stairs and keeps the

kids distracted for an hour or so.

Have you Handled Kids before?

Jeffery has no idea how to answer that.

RANDO (CONT'D)

It's real easy. It's not rocket

science

A Woman in her early 40s comes around the stage and up to

Rando.

Trisha

We're all ready when you are.

RANDO

Yeah yeah yeah. Absolutely.

Rando reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out an index

card

RANDO (CONT'D)

Just read this before I come out and

we'll be set.

TRISHA

Ok.

Trisha heads back to her guests

RANDO

Alright, buddy. I've gotta go on.

Don't be worried, they're kids,

they're the easiest thing to

entertain.

TRISHA (o.S.)

And now the man who puts the "ICK"

in Magic-

RANDO

Opp. Here we go. Good luck bud. Just

blow up some balloons, Squirt 'em

with your flower and honk your horn


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in the kids faces. They love it.

Rando enters stage left leaving Jeffery stunned.

INT. RANDO's VAN- Day

Jeffery is sweating profusely. The make up is running off as

fast he's putting it on. Jeffery is wearing a wife beater and

large suspendered clown pants with boots. He whimpers a bit

as he looks into the rear view mirror trying to putting on

make up as though it hurts to do it. He picks up some random

bit of trash and throws it across the van in frustration.

Jeffery starts to hyperventilate and then tries to calm

himself down. He gets to steady breathing pattern before

SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.

Ext. SuBURBAN Frontyard- Day

JEFFERY

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Silence. The van stops rocking. A moment passes as Jeffery

Slowly opens the van door and closes it behind him. With a

deadpan look on his face, he walks up the front yard to the

front door where Trisha is waiting for him, holding the front

door open.

TRISHA

Thank you SOO much for doing this.

Jeffery walks past her, not saying a word.

Int. Basement- Day

The sounds of children's merriment fills the basement as

Jeffery Opens the basement door. With heavy footsteps he

slowly descends the stairs. Once he's far enough down he sees

there are 5 kids aged 5-8 running around playing with astreamer.

NINA

Oooh, A Clown!

They immediately stop what they're doing once they see a

clown in their midsts. They drop the streamer and gather


16/20

around Jeffery, silently staring and sweating his make up

off. One Kid, KYLE aged 7, wipes snot from his nose.

KYLE

Who are you?

Jeffery stares at the kid almost in a panic. After a moment

of thought

JEFFERY

Ughh... I'm... Perrywinkle.

Perrywinkle the clown.

KYLE

Well... do some Clown things.

JEFFERY

Like what?

KYLE

Make me a Balloon animal.

JEFFERY

Uhh...

KYLE

MAKE me a BALLOON ANIMAL.

Without breaking eye contact with Kyle, Jeffery reaches intohis left clown pocket and pulls out a Balloon Pump and from

his right Clown pocket, a Pink Balloon.

Slowly he begins to blow it up. Kyle stares at Jeffery. The

balloon's tips grows closer to Kyle's face. Kyle does not

back down. The Tip of the Ripe Balloon brushes against Kyle's

nose.

Filled to the max, Jeffery ties off the balloon and begins to

manipulate and twist it in his hands. The sounds of rubber

rubbing against it self fills the room like nails on a

blackboard. Jeffery never blinks.

The Squeaking stops and in Jeffery's hands is a perfect

Balloon Giraffe. He hands to Kyle. He looks at it and then

looks back up at Jeffery.

Kyle (CONT'D)

Thanks.


17/20

Kyle then sits down in the semi circle that's formed around

Jeffery. Suddenly, a weight has been lifted off the room. the

room seems brighter all of a sudden and a slight smile comes

across Jeffery's face.

JeFFERY

Who else wants one?

All the kids pop up, hands in the air.

CHILDREN

I DO! I DO! I DO!

Jeffery's smile widens as a montage of happiness begins. He

makes balloon animals. He runs about the room with them. He

pantomimes a story. Squirts a kid with his flower and throws

confetti in the air as the kids all cheer.

EXT. SUBURBAN FRONTYARD- night

Jeffery with half wiped off make up loads two stage lights

into the truck with Rando pushing the folded up stage curtain

into the van.

At the front door of the house the couple who hosted the

party waves good by to all their guests, most intoxicated,

walking with their kids back home.

As Jeffery closes the van door and turn to get into the front

cab. As he does, he see the little girl Nina asleep with her

arms around her daddy's neck. She opens her eyes, smiles and

waves good bye to Jeffery. Jeffery Smiles and does the same.

Rando

You comin?

Jeffery turns around and gets into Randos' van.

EXT. JEFFERY'S HOME- NIGHT

Rando's Van pulls up to the front of the house. Jeffery takes

off his seat belt

RANDO

You did great tonight, Jeffy. Can I


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call you Jeffy? Jeffy, I gotta hand

it to ya, as Soon as I mentioned

kids you looked like you were gonna

shit a 10 foot brick but you did

great. In fact, the Lady of the

house asked me to give this to you

Rando searches around his inside jacket pockets and pulls out

a pair of panties.

RANDO (CONT'D)

Oops, those aren't for you.

He checks again and pulls out $40 dollars and hands it to

Jeffery.

RANDO (CONT'D)

So, with that out of the way, Lemmiejust say, Welcome aboard.

Rando extends his hand to Jeffery who shakes it in kind.

RANDO (CONT'D)

I just have to do the obligatory

background check. Don't worry you've

got the job- As long as you haven't

Killed someone.

Rando laughs and Jeffery nervously chuckles, looks away andexits the car.

JeFFERY

Oh the-

RANDO

Hold on to the clothes. After

tonight, you'll be wearing them a

lot more often... also they suit.

Rando again cackles as Jeffery closes the door and wavesgoodbye to Rando, Jeffery smiles to himself. He heads for the

front door getting his keys out of his pocket. Once he

reaches the front door and fiddles with the lock he hears a

rustle from the bushes beside his front door. He turns

inquisitively when suddenly out pop Peter, Dorothy and Barry

with baseball bats. The security lights pop on and light the

front yard, stage light style.


19/20

BARRY

NOW!

They proceed to beat Jeffery in the most brutal of fashions

on the stage lit front yard. Whacking his face and legs. The

sound of bones breaking and cries of Pain come from Jeffery

and he falls to the ground trying desperately to crawl away

JEFFERY

AGHHH!

PETER

Take that Fuckhole the Clown. Like

it when Kids honk your little red

nose.

Dorothey begins kicking Jeffery in-between swings

Dorothy

NO...MEANS...NO

INT. Ms. Catacker's Home- Night

Shrouded in darkness, Ms. Catacker looks out here window, a

confused worry across her face.

Ext. Jeffery's HOME- NIGHT

Jeffery is no longer putting up much of a struggle. He's

practically motionless if not for his slow weezing breathing.

Barry stops hitting him long enough to see that Jeffery is

dying. In the distance, sirens approach.

BARRY

SHIT! SCATTER. GO. GO. GO.

Barry, Peter & Dorothy run off in different directions

leaving Jeffery dying, covered in blood looking like acrushed grapefruit. He breathing begins to slow as he stares

straight up into the sky. The sirens are getting nearer, as

Jeffery simply looks up at the sky cracks a smile on the left

side of his face as a slow trickle of blood comes out of his

mouth on the right side. The Lights go out. Jeffery is no

longer wheezing as the lovely starry night fades to black.


20/20

perrywinkle

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