100:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,042(SURRENDER PLAYING)200:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,405Mother told me300:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,767Yes, she told me400:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,844That I'd meet girls like you500:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,490She also told me600:01:26,560 --> 00:01:31,043Stay awayYou'll never know what you'll catch700:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,206(TIRES SCREECHING)800:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,766Cooper, it's open.900:01:36,840 --> 00:01:37,807It's open?1000:01:37,880 --> 00:01:38,927Come on!1100:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,165It's supposed to be awesome.1200:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,686- COOPER: Thank you.- Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!1300:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,125Mom!1400:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,884They just seem a little weird1500:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,760Surrender, surrender1600:01:56,840 --> 00:02:02,370But don't give yourself away1700:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,921Whatever happened to all this season's1800:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,082Losers of the year?1900:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,921Every time I got to thinking2000:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,368Where'd they disappear?2100:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,569But when I woke up, Mom and Dad2200:02:37,640 --> 00:02:42,168Are rolling on the couch2300:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,241Damn.2400:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,441What?2500:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,721I suck.2600:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,004Mommy's all right, daddy's all right2700:02:52,080 --> 00:02:56,722They just seem a little weird2800:02:56,800 --> 00:02:57,801COOPER: Wow, Sam.2900:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,411How are you so good at this?You've never even played it before.3000:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,606I don't know.3100:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,887There's a pattern to how they're moving.Watch.3200:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,645I don't see it, but you sure as hell do.3300:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,126Away3400:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,722Surrender, surrender3500:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,725But don't give yourself away3600:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,690Surrender, surrender3700:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,889But don't give yourself away3800:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,487- Use the Force. Use the Force.- (MECHANICAL HAND WHIRRING)3900:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,642(CHEERING)4000:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,880BRENNER: Hey, Chewie.4100:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,525COOPER: You're a superstar, dude.4200:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,409And it's time to show the world.4300:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,124Surrender4400:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,921But don't give yourself away4500:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,322Surrender, surrender4600:04:03,440 --> 00:04:07,240But don't give yourself away4700:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,890MAN: (ON PA SYSTEM)Attention, all contestants.4800:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,566The competition will start in 15 minutes.4900:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,122You too? That's so funny.5000:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,881Really?5100:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,084I think you're pretty darn foxy yourself.5200:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,922Lady Lisa, I'll love you till the end of time.5300:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,008- Who are you talking to?- Nobody!5400:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,161(SOFTLY) We'll talk later.5500:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,607You're Ludlow Lamonsoff,the Wonder Kid, right?5600:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,921Who told you that? The government?5700:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,368'Cause I'm this close to figuring outthe secret of the Bermuda Triangle.5800:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,968Wow, you don't have any friends, do you?5900:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,610Just my grandma.6000:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,081Yoo-hoo!6100:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,281Well, Wonder Kid, you can hang out with us.6200:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,051- Really?- (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)6300:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,481What's up, geeks and goobers?6400:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,927They call me the Fire Blaster!6500:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,968'Cause my hands are blazing fast,6600:05:03,040 --> 00:05:07,364and also I will blast and burnall my competitors' weak-ass moves.6700:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,608You must be the local talent.6800:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,241If this was a fugly contest, I'd be in trouble.6900:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,642At least we didn't make upour own nicknames, Fire Blaster.7000:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,768Who cares who came up with it?7100:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,763It's totally tubular.7200:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,481Welcome, gamers, to the first annual7300:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,121Worldwide Video Arcade Championships!7400:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,645(CHEERING)7500:05:34,720 --> 00:05:39,009Tonight, we have representatives herefrom the Guinness Book of World Records,7600:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,482as well as NASA, the National Aeronauticsand Space Administration,7700:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,006who will be videotapingtonight's competition7800:05:45,080 --> 00:05:49,369to be included in a compilation of 1982'snews events and popular culture.7900:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,088That videotape will be placedin a space probe8000:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,243which will be launched by NASAinto our solar system8100:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,403with the hope of connecting to,and perhaps providing a message for8200:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,450extraterrestrial life, should it exist.8300:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,925Oh, it exists.8400:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,128Ladies and gentlemen,8500:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,249start your gaming!8600:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,531(GAME BEEPING)8700:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,801(CONTROLLER CLICKING)8800:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,689All right, ladies and gentlemen,what an evening we have had here.8900:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,445Six new US records set.9000:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,000- Three new world records set.- Oh, yeah.9100:06:29,080 --> 00:06:34,610And, as the smoke clears,right now we have a tie.9200:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,523- Two hundred and fifty-nine points- (CHEERING)9300:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,405for your new Pac-Man world champion.9400:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,767The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant!9500:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,363- (CHEERING)- GIRL: Go, Fire Blaster!9600:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,249And 259 points9700:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,006for your new Galaga Centipedeworld champion, rookie sensation,9800:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,730Sam Brenner!9900:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,369- (CHEERING)- Yeah, Sam!10000:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,770Well, gentlemen, how 'bout we break this tie.10100:06:59,840 --> 00:07:00,887Let's play10200:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,281Donkey Kong!10300:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,727- Good luck, man.- Thanks.10400:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,041You have the patterns down pretty goodwith these games.10500:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,764You're gonna be tough to beat.10600:07:15,680 --> 00:07:16,681(COIN DROPS)10700:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,970(WE WILL ROCK YOUVONLICHTEN PLAYING)10800:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,161Buddy you're a boy make a big noise10900:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,369Playing in the streetgonna be a big man some day11000:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,011You got mud on your faceYou big disgrace11100:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,924Kickin' your can all over the place11200:07:35,000 --> 00:07:41,326- Singin'- We will, we will rock you11300:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,644We will, we will rock you11400:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,048You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,11500:07:53,160 --> 00:07:57,006at the higher levels the barrels becomemore random, possessed almost.11600:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,771And playing by the patternsdoesn't do the trick anymore.11700:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,126Does it, Brenner?11800:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,364We will, we will rock you11900:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,327Congratulations.12000:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,921On coming in second!12100:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,441(CROWD CHEERING)12200:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,048Fire Blaster is the world champ!12300:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,567The local yokel looked destiny in the eyeand blinked.12400:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,167He's a loser, and he will always be a loser.12500:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,571Sam!12600:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,404Sam, Sam, wait.12700:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,481Sam, listen.12800:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,005You're still gonna go to MIT12900:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,082and invent somethingthat makes you a millionaire.13000:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,242And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John.13100:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,522I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.13200:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,443Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.13300:08:57,480 --> 00:08:58,720Well,13400:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,484there's always Madonna.13500:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,525How about Scarlett Johansson?13600:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,681So hot.13700:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,684Mmm. Not Halle Berry hot, but so, so hot.13800:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,046And don't forget Katy Perry.13900:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,809What are we doin' right now? We're too old.It's just gross already.14000:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,450Plus, you're married to a womanwho hates you.14100:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,126She doesn't hate me.She just doesn't get it, you know.14200:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,687We don't have the free timeto do stuff together like we did 10 years ago.14300:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,330This job is killing me, man.14400:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,368If I were you,14500:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,365maybe a half hour a day,turn off the cell phone,14600:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,920shut down the emails,put away the Reggie bars14700:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,081and focus on your wife.14800:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,686FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: The President'sgaffe-filled summer continued today...14900:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,881Hold on a second. I gotta see this.15000:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,646...at Joseph Knibb Elementary Schoolto promote his new youth reading initiative.15100:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,801Here's what happened.15200:09:39,880 --> 00:09:44,283"Mittens jumped up onto the tableand knocked over the whole bowl of soup.15300:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,886"Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped."15400:09:46,960 --> 00:09:47,961She gasped.15500:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,602- (CLEARS THROAT)- "And the whole room fell silent.15600:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,330"This was casta...15700:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,680"This is cast... (CLEARS THROAT)15800:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,050"Catatastrophic."15900:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,286Catastrophic.16000:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,850I got it, sweetheart, okay?16100:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,605Why'd you yell at me?16200:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,806You're mean.16300:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,086Leave her alone.16400:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,564The President can't read.16500:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,763(GIRLS GIGGLING)16600:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,931(LAUGHING)16700:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,128You gotta learn how to read, buddy.It's as simple as that.16800:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,884(GUARDS SNICKERING)16900:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,008(SNICKERING STOPS)17000:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,242I was on three hours' sleep, all right?17100:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,885WOMAN: Your economicsare hurting poor people!17200:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,041Nice to see ya!17300:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,566MAN: You've got the blood ofinnocent children on your hands.17400:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,641Thank you for your support.17500:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,722I can't afford to go to college because of you!17600:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,801- (CROWD JEERING)- That's a lovely dress.17700:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,884- You're ruining the country!- Yeah, we're all in this together, now.17800:10:34,320 --> 00:10:35,481You got a rough life, bud.17900:10:35,560 --> 00:10:36,971- Sir? Okay.- Thank you.18000:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,801But at least you have a life.18100:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,247Look, Brenner,you're meant for something more than this.18200:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,926You just need to channel your geniusinto something productive.18300:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,327I mean, you were incredible at video gamesback in the day,18400:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,164but that's a useless skill now.18500:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,844It's like being a great blacksmith.18600:10:51,080 --> 00:10:55,165Ooh! That hurt, man.That's catatastrophic that you said that.18700:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,685I'm gonna get you back for that.18800:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,486Mr. President,if you take away all the libraries, sir,18900:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,449how will the children ever learn to read?19000:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,801(JEERING INTENSIFIES)19100:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,087Blacksmith, over and out.19200:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,125(DOORBELL RINGING)19300:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,890Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade.19400:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,089Here to nerd outon all your audio and visual needs.19500:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,721Do you have to say thatevery time you show up at a house?19600:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,564If I wanna get paid, yes.19700:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,130Isn't that kind of demeaning?19800:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,690Only if someone brings it up.19900:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,128- Okay, I won't bring it up, then.- Thanks.20000:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,766Come on in.20100:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,761So, what am I installing?20200:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,889(SIGHS) A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV,20300:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,681- PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers.- Mmm-hmm.20400:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,570Really, if you guys sell it,we've probably bought it.20500:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,449Huh. Is it your birthday?20600:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,000No, my parents are getting a divorce.20700:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,124Oh. So it's like 10 birthdays.20800:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,524Yeah, my dad cheated on my momwith his 19-year-old Pilates instructor.20900:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,364Her name's Sinnamon, with an "S"21000:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,841which really tells youall you need to know about her.21100:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,243No, I could hear a little more.You got any pictures?21200:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,765I'm kiddin'. I'm sorry to hear that.21300:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,524My mom kind of hates him right now.21400:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,241And she says she's gonna inventa slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon.21500:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,370Okay, Matty, you don't need to tellthe nice installer man our whole life.21600:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,121Whoa.21700:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,044I'm sorry, "Whoa"?21800:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,606- What?- No, just you. Whoa.21900:12:45,680 --> 00:12:49,241Me? Whoa?I don't even know what that means.22000:12:49,320 --> 00:12:54,645I mean, it's just, when your son told methat your husband left you for a 19-year-old,22100:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,409I guess I thought you were gonna be, like22200:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,881one of those"hot when we first met in high school,22300:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,010"but then let herself goand got a potbelly and turkey neck22400:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,451"with a hairy chin."22500:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,684But clearly that's not the case.22600:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,125So more like,22700:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,682"Whoa, I should have brushed my teethbefore I left the house this morning."22800:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,081Or studio apartment,if we're getting real here.22900:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,401Did you reallynot brush your teeth this morning?23000:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,206No, I did.23100:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,487I guess I should just startsettin' this stuff up right now.23200:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,331Go get 'em.23300:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,321(TSKS)23400:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,481(CHUCKLES)23500:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,330Colonel Devereux.23600:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,084You need to see this, sir.23700:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,291We're under attack.23800:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,647(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)23900:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,804What the hell are those things?24000:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,364So are you a gamer?24100:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,241Uh...24200:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,401Yeah.24300:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,528I played when I was your age.24400:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,485Were you any good?24500:14:14,560 --> 00:14:17,689I was pretty goodat some of the classic games.24600:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,445Hmm. Classics.You mean like Halo and Call of Duty.24700:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,727No! The real classics.24800:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,923Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.24900:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,889Games you played in an arcade25000:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,406which was a building outside of your house.25100:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,371You would go there with your friends,listen to music, cute girls everywhere.25200:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,091In ancient times, they called it "socializing."25300:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,326What are you guys talking about?25400:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,211- Video games.- Video games.25500:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,641- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)- (CHUCKLES)25600:14:47,640 --> 00:14:48,687I'll be right back.25700:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,087- (KNOCK ON DOOR)- BRENNER: Mrs. Van Patten.25800:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,764All finished up down there.25900:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,842I need you to sign the work order.26000:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,120VIOLET: (VOICE WAVERING) Okay.26100:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,646Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?26200:15:03,720 --> 00:15:04,881Yes.26300:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,404Not judging,but what are you doin' in the closet?26400:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,810I'm mostly crying.26500:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,450A little drinking.26600:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,721Probably equally crying and drinking.26700:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,610Something I do often, also.26800:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,523But why in the closet?26900:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,531Because I don't want Matty to see me.27000:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,329(SOBBING)27100:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,844I'm comin' in the closet, Mrs. Van Patten.27200:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,209I'm opening the door.27300:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,690Are you all right?27400:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,206I'm sobbing on the floor of my closetdrinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup.27500:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,850So I guess not.27600:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,207Sorry. I withdraw the question.27700:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,002(SOBBING) Oh, God.27800:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,081- Wanna talk about it?- No.27900:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,281Yes!28000:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,771Yes.28100:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,364Oh, God.28200:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,568Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial attackby an unidentified force!28300:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,642Activate the QRF.28400:16:17,720 --> 00:16:18,960(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)28500:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,486(GRUNTS)28600:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,611(SOLDIER COUGHS)28700:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,770(SCREAMING)28800:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,968Mama! No!28900:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,450We were high-school sweethearts.29000:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,090- Mmm-hmm.- The perfect couple.29100:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,084Do you know that he proposed in a waterfall?29200:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,640- I mean, a freaking waterfall.- Smooth.29300:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,166But now,according to a text I got 20 minutes ago,29400:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,164he's marryinga 19-year-old named after a spice.29500:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,963It's not even spelled correctly.29600:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,485- Mmm.- (SCOFFS)29700:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,323It's just not where I thought I'd beat this point in my life.29800:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,721- Oh, God. I hear that.- (SIGHS)29900:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,202I was supposed to have a babywith my ex-wife.30000:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,760And the doctorwho was helping us make the baby30100:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,444did help us make the baby.30200:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,522But, unfortunately, I wasn't in the room.30300:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,327(TOOTS SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT)30400:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,571Maybe this really is all for the best.30500:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,531How do you mean?30600:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,888You already married the wrong guy.You got the worst part over with.30700:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,926True, and you married the wrong girl.30800:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,843Maybe it just meanswe're gonna meet the right person now.30900:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,161Yeah.31000:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,046Yeah.31100:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,001Whoa!31200:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,249Are you trying to kiss me?31300:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,526Absolutely not.31400:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,886Oh, God.31500:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,649Sorry, I thought we were having a moment.31600:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,688We were. A moment.31700:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,721Look, you seem like a very nice guy,but I just met you, okay?31800:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,211And, no offense,31900:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,921I don't think my rebound guyis a 210-pound person32000:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,810that installs flat screens for a living.32100:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,408First of all, 208.32200:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,882And, wow,I didn't peg you as the snobby type.32300:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,724Snob? Me?32400:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,211(CHUCKLING) Okay.32500:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,691I am not a snob.32600:19:08,760 --> 00:19:13,766Okay, well, let's just say I was a billionaire,and we were out on my giant yacht32700:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,486in the middle of the Mediterranean,sipping champagne,32800:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,846and I went in to kiss you.32900:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,360Would you have kissed me back, then?33000:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,001- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)- Hold that thought, snobby.33100:19:25,560 --> 00:19:26,891Big Man!33200:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,769COOPER: Can you get tothe White House right now?33300:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,524I'll be there in 15.33400:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,886While I'd love to stick around33500:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,123and listen to you lie about not wanting tomake out with the yacht guy,33600:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,201I have to go.33700:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,567For the record, I'm an amazing kisser.33800:19:40,640 --> 00:19:41,880All us nerds are.33900:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,008'Cause we appreciate it more.34000:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,644You didn't even brush your teeththis morning.34100:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,324I ate a Tic Tac.34200:19:50,640 --> 00:19:51,641(DOOR CLOSING)34300:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,410Too late, sweetheart.You had your shot and ya blew it.34400:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,010I'm not following you.34500:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,482Yeah, whatever you say, stalky. It's over.Deal with it.34600:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,130(TIRES SCREECHING)34700:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,569Whoa, she went from zeroto psycho in 3.4 seconds,34800:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,801a new world record.34900:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,766(TIRES SCREECHING)35000:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,481BRENNER: Hey, Steve-O.35100:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,848There's a crazy woman following me.I guarantee she's here to shoot the President.35200:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,002And if I were you, I'd break out the billy club35300:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,923and go full throttle on her, seriously.35400:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,729Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel.35500:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,840- At this point, it's primarily data collection.- (BRENNER SIGHS)35600:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,207- Why are you following me?- Oh, God.35700:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,727Oh, God. I can't believethey even let you in here.35800:21:16,800 --> 00:21:17,881BRENNER: Right.35900:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,003Colonel Van Patten,you can go right into the Situation Room.36000:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,969Yeah, see, they need mein the Situation Room,36100:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,407- so have fun doing whatever you're doing.- Mmm.36200:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,649Mr. Brenner, the President is waiting for youin the Oval Office.36300:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,004(MOCKINGLY) Somebody's more important.36400:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,889Freddy, can you keep the riffraff outta here?36500:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,805Yo, wassup?36600:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,121Oh, come on,you couldn't have at least changed?36700:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,089You told me to rush right over.36800:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,686What's going on, man?Why's it so crazy out there?36900:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,240(SIGHS) Our Air Force basein Guam was attacked.37000:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,526By who?37100:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,170I'm not sure. That's what I wanted to ask you.37200:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,402Come here. Check this out.37300:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,165- Me?- Yes, you. Come here.37400:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,250- Listen to this.- (KEYBOARD CLACKS)37500:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,204- (DEEP WHIRRING)- Does that sound familiar to you?37600:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,647Yeah. Where do I know that from?37700:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,203- Can you freeze it?- Yeah, hold on.37800:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,482- Go in tighter.- (BEEPING)37900:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,687That can't be real.38000:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,888Okay, so you're seeingthe same thing I'm seeing.38100:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,048What kind of mushroomsdid that guy put on our burgers?38200:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,520- They're ready for you, Mr. President.- COOPER: Great.38300:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,649Now I gotta explain thisto the National Security Council.38400:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,006Listen, do me a favor, Sam.38500:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,241Watch that again, okay?38600:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,085And just see if there's anythingyou can find to help us out.38700:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,924Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?38800:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,650No, you can't, and everything's recorded.38900:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,326Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't.39000:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,681I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.39100:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,920(ALL SPEAKING TOGETHER)39200:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,528Mr. President, we told the press that it wasan advanced weapons test that misfired.39300:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,841- So there's no mass panic yet.- Well, good.39400:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,968Then let's solve this thing before there is.39500:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,725Mr. President, someone's madea major breakthrough in drone technology39600:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,847and it wasn't us.39700:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,570CIA CHIEF: This has gotMoscow's fingerprints all over it.39800:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,166Nonsense!It's an Iranian black-ops sideshow.39900:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,241I guarantee it.40000:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,721I have a theory.40100:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,326I think, based on analysisof the footage,40200:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,325that preliminary indicationsare that we were attacked by40300:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,441(MUMBLING) Galaga.40400:23:23,640 --> 00:23:24,846By who, sir?40500:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,731Galaga.40600:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,410Sons of bitches.40700:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,247Then let's blow Galaga to hell.40800:23:31,520 --> 00:23:32,521Who's Galaga?40900:23:33,120 --> 00:23:37,045It's an old-timey video game,'80s kind of folks like my dad used to play.41000:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,920Mr. President, there is no nation on Earththat has the military technology41100:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,844to simply pixelate entire buildings.41200:23:43,920 --> 00:23:44,921Except Iran.41300:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,366DEFENSE SECRETARY: Forget Iran!41400:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,886I'm thinking this is a cutting-edgemultinational enterprise.41500:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,406An NGO, a think tank,maybe even a corporation.41600:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,847We're thinkin' Iranwhen we should be thinking Google.41700:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,925So let's blow up Google.41800:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,001(KNOCK ON DOOR)41900:23:57,120 --> 00:24:00,363Can somebody take Grandpa's keys awaybefore he drives us into a ditch?42000:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,846(PERSON CLEARS THROAT)42100:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,843- Who is this person?- The sandwich guy?42200:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,684This here is, uh,my old arcade game technical42300:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,167advisor person-guy.42400:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,008Sam Brenner. He works in the tech sector.42500:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,844So Caltech, MIT?42600:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,285MIT. Yes.42700:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,601Mississippi Institute of Technology, though.42800:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,806Not the one you were thinking of.42900:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,405Anyway, more to the current point,43000:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,086uh, Mr. Brenner herewas the World Galaga Champion.43100:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,561He knows everythingthere is to know about this game.43200:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,644So, what is it you and your orange shortsbarged in here to say?43300:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,610Oh, just the Galaga that attacked us,43400:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,603that doesn't exist anymore.43500:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,571Hello. You can download Galagaon your phone for $1.99.43600:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,320Yeah, not this version though, Blue Lagoon.43700:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,121The Galaga that exists now came out in 1986.43800:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,726But this is the 1982 arcade version.43900:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,491And all those machines, they recalled them,they reprogrammed them,44000:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,369because there were glitchesin the original code.44100:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,728You can see from the giant space bugs,the way they come swoopin' in.44200:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,086Kind of ziggy-zaggy.44300:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,560Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term?44400:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,162VIOLET: So someonedesigned these space bugs44500:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,801after an old out-of-print versionof a video game from 30 years ago44600:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,166that nobody would know today?44700:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,120Does she really get to talk twice?She's not even at the grown-ups table.44800:25:12,360 --> 00:25:15,523I'm sorry.Is this a National Security Council meeting,44900:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,965or a dorm-room drug party?45000:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,201Our nation has just been attackedby an unknown military force.45100:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,681If this gets out to the pressthat we're pinning the blame45200:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,250on some old computer game,45300:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,211they'll not only mock you in the news,Mr. President, they'd impeach you!45400:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,890So I suggest the man in the orange shortsleave the room immediately.45500:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,767And those of us with long pantsand government positions45600:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,650can discuss our options.45700:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,561All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.Take off, all right? I appreciate the help.45800:25:47,880 --> 00:25:48,881(MOUTHING) Bye!45900:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,767Sorry, everybody. (STAMMERS)46000:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,285Mr. President.46100:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,960Generals and Admirals.46200:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,326Guys in suits.46300:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,406Zac Efron.46400:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,687Gandalf,46500:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,842and Harry Potter in the same room.46600:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,121Imagine that.46700:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,683Grandpa,we'll see you around the, uh, nursing home.46800:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,804Oh, uh, the sandwich guy is here.46900:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,001Fooled you.47000:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,960COMMENTATOR 1: (ON RADIO) Past theshortstop into left center field for a single.47100:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,926That's the second straight inningwhere Washington has led off with a single.47200:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,083COMMENTATOR 2: They're talking abouthow he's standing straight up over the plate.47300:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,241That seems to be working out for him,47400:26:31,360 --> 00:26:34,091'cause he just drovethat ball into the gap hard.47500:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,766COMMENTATOR 1: First pitchtaken outside for a ball, 1-0,47600:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,046and the 1-0 swung...47700:26:38,120 --> 00:26:39,121- Brenner!- (SCREAMS)47800:26:41,400 --> 00:26:42,401(TIRES SCREECH)47900:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,684(GROANING)48000:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,603What's your problem, dude?48100:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,331- What's goin' on?- Whoa, whoa, whoa!48200:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,447No, Brenner!48300:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,170No, Brenner, no, no, no!48400:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,005Stop! It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow!It's Ludlow.48500:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,162- Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid?- Yeah.48600:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,287How'd you get into my van?48700:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,126I've been in there ever sinceyou went to that nice lady's house.48800:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,281She's cute, by the way.48900:27:04,360 --> 00:27:05,361- What?- Hey!49000:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,844- What is that?- This is moisturizer.49100:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,645Show me what that is.49200:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,166Chloroform?49300:27:14,440 --> 00:27:15,646Is that what that says?49400:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,131You were gonna drug me?49500:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,248- Only as a last resort.- What are you...49600:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,160- There was something I had to tell you.- Why didn't you call me, then?49700:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,882Because the CIAhas been tapping my phones49800:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,770ever since I found outthe Zapruder film has been edited.49900:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,604JFK shot first!50000:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,407Ludlow, it is you!50100:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,927- Hi, buddy! Let me look at you!- Hey! Good to see you, my boy!50200:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,004How are you? My goodness! Look at you!50300:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,082- I know.- Stayin' in shape!50400:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,288I'm on an all protein diet,but I'm also doing carbs.50500:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,010- Good.- But seriously, Brenner.50600:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,927There's something I have to show you.50700:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,048And let's just say50800:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,724(WHISPERING) it's a game changer.50900:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,010LUDLOW: You're the first guest I've had here.Voluntarily.51000:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,286That's a shocker.51100:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,169If Lady Lisa was real,51200:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,409she'd have about17 restraining orders out on you.51300:28:11,480 --> 00:28:12,686Actually, I think if she was real,51400:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,524things might just play outa little bit differently.51500:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,165- Hmm?- You wanna know how I know that?51600:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,605- Mmm.- If She Was Real.51700:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,682A book written and illustratedby Ludlow Lamonsoff.51800:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,847Oh, boy.51900:28:25,360 --> 00:28:26,600(GASPS)52000:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,721You should sell that at Barnes & Unstable.52100:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,245- Do you want a copy?- No.52200:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,401I have eight others.52300:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,046Why am I here right now?Why did you try to roofie me?52400:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,043- Right. Thank you for reminding me.- Uh-huh.52500:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,122Okay. Follow me.52600:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,642Earlier today, our military base in Guamwas attacked by this guy, Galaga.52700:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,241How would you know that?52800:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,721I have a pen pal in Guam.His name is Baubau.52900:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,926Baubau was terribly frightened,53000:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,322so I hacked into the government's serversto assure Baubau that everything was okay.53100:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,401But you know what?53200:28:53,480 --> 00:28:54,641- What?- Everything was not okay.53300:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,091- (DOOR OPENS)- MICKEY: Ludlow!53400:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,562Did you get me some diet root beerwhile you were out?53500:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,802- You remember my grandma.- Sure.53600:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,690She's still a character after all those years.53700:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,131No, no, Grandma! It's funny.I didn't get a chance to because, um...53800:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,884Oh, what happened? Oh, I remember now.53900:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,931(SCREAMING) I'm trying to save the worldfrom annihilation!54000:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,331Are you nuts?54100:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,010You cracker!54200:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,809- Don't yell at me!- (DOOR SLAMS)54300:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,321So look, I know that sometimes peoplethink of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut.54400:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,401Right.54500:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,121But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes54600:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,202the conspiracies are real.54700:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,768Have you been playing Space Invadersa lot lately?54800:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,921I have. How did you know that?54900:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,849'Cause you're invading my space. Back up.55000:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,365Brenner, do you rememberwhen we were children,55100:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,841and we playedin that video game championship?55200:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,729Of course, buddy.55300:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,729Do you remember howthere was a tape of the event55400:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,007and all the games that were playedthat was then put in a capsule55500:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,730and shot out into the universe55600:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,167- looking for extraterrestrial life?- Mmm-hmm.55700:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,404I have reason to believethat some alien life force found that tape55800:29:55,520 --> 00:30:00,048and has sent down real-life versionsof what they saw55900:30:00,120 --> 00:30:01,360to attack us.56000:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,011Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan56100:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,924searching for messagesfrom the aliens to prove my theory.56200:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,889- And you wanna know something?- Tell me.56300:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,565I came up absolutely empty.56400:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,081So then, as a distraction, I got up56500:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,687to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hillthat I recorded on my VCR last night.56600:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,250I've been binge-watching to catch up.56700:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,163And you don't have cable because...56800:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,130Because the government spies on usthrough our cable boxes, Brenner.56900:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,361That's been proven.57000:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,169And you don't want them to see youdancin' around57100:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,890in your underwear for Lady Lisa. I get it.57200:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,486No, that tape was burned three months ago.Anyway...57300:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,163In the middle of the UHF broadcast,57400:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,529something peculiar interruptedSophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.57500:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,250No, you're the freak with the fat...57600:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,166(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)57700:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,409Inhabitants of Earth,57800:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,366we are a race from the planet Volula.57900:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,285We came to you in these familiar Earth forms58000:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,408to tell we received your vessel.58100:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,802And in it, your hostile challenge.58200:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,886We accept your offer to competein winner-take-all battles.58300:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,682Gather your bravest warriorsto face our bravest warriors!58400:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,723The winner takes the loser's planet.58500:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,609You have already lost the first battle.58600:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,121And for our victory, we have taken a trophy.58700:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,050I'm okay, Mama.58800:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,171I love you.58900:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,804That's not the real Madonna!59000:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,689You will get three lives.59100:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,125You have two lives left.59200:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,285Losing both will leadto the total destruction of your planet.59300:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,681The next battle is in 15 hours59400:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,287(VOICE DISTORTING)at coordinates 27 24' 79".59500:31:36,120 --> 00:31:37,121(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)59600:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,725Okay, I got lost about halfway through.59700:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,802Why does Madonnawanna take over our planet?59800:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,726These moron aliens think thatthe footage NASA sent up to space59900:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,569of us playing video games in 198260000:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,324was a declaration of war.60100:31:48,400 --> 00:31:53,327Intergalactic war, Mr. President.Isn't that crazy? Isn't that unpredictable?60200:31:53,400 --> 00:31:54,765Lud, listen.60300:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,922You helped unscramble my Cinemaxwhen we were kids.60400:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,365I think you can call me Chewie.60500:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,962What do they mean by three lives?What is that?60600:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,846Uh-huh. If I may. See, that's just it.60700:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,891It's like the video games of old,Chewie Mr. President.60800:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,611One quarter, three lives.60900:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,765This is clearly not a quarter.This is far more valuable. May I keep this?61000:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,524- Put it back on the desk.- LUDLOW: Fair enough.61100:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,602We lost the first one, Galaga.61200:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,450Two more losses and...61300:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,760LUDLOW: It's game over.61400:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,410Now, assuming that...61500:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,562- You know what, that's not happening.- Fair enough.61600:32:24,640 --> 00:32:28,281Assuming that Alien Madonna's numbersare actually latitude and longitude,61700:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,603then we can safely assume thatthe next attack should happen somewhere61800:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,131in Northern India tonight.61900:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,965If you can get your guys from the NSAto clean up the signal,62000:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,964then we can pinpointexactly where the attack is gonna be,62100:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,123and maybe even which gamethey're gonna use to attack us.62200:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,487- Right?- I can't authorize a military response62300:32:44,560 --> 00:32:48,485based off a video that looks likeit was made by a couple high school kids.62400:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,643You gotta at least warn the people of Indiasomethin' could be comin'.62500:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,564The whole country thinksI'm a buffoon right now as it is.62600:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,291Look, I can't risk it, Brenner. I just can't!62700:32:58,560 --> 00:32:59,561(MAN SPEAKING HINDI)62800:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,722So I guess we've been dating for almostthree years now.62900:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,484Yes, almost three.63000:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,370They have been the best years of my life.63100:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,686...and I thinkwe have something very special.63200:33:09,800 --> 00:33:13,771Raj, is this what I think it is?63300:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,401(CHUCKLES)63400:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,608(TRUE PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)63500:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,046(MAN SINGING IN THE STYLEOF TRUE IN HINDI)63600:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,884Will you marry me?63700:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,041- (SCREAMING)- (EXPLOSION)63800:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,363(BREATHING HEAVILY)63900:33:56,680 --> 00:33:57,681(GASPS)64000:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,248(SCREAMING)64100:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,609Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.64200:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,570It's probably better that there's onlyan even six Wonders of the World now.64300:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,244You know what? I get it. I screwed up.64400:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,970It won't happen again. Shut up.64500:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,530Good morning, Mr. President.64600:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,484What's Radio Shack Robbie doing here?And this other64700:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,727fella.64800:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,962Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff.64900:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,929We've actually met before,but you wouldn't remember65000:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,049because it was in the back of Brenner's vanand I was watching you through a window.65100:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,688(SNIFFS) You smell so nice,like the Book of Genesis.65200:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,087Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner65300:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,164have agreed to share their video gameexpertise with you and your team.65400:34:41,240 --> 00:34:42,241Happy to do it.65500:34:42,320 --> 00:34:43,401With all due respect, sir,65600:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,689having civilians with zero security clearancein this facility is...65700:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,923These civilians havebetter insight into our current crisis65800:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,570than my entire administration.65900:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,126I dunno if I wanna do it now.She's being so mean.66000:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,326- I kind of wanna leave.- Okay.66100:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,129- If he leaves, I leave. We're a team.- Stop it.66200:34:57,240 --> 00:34:59,925- This is how it's gonna be the whole time?- Guys, knock it off. Lead the way.66300:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,206Of course, Mr. President.66400:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,850(DOOR BUZZES)66500:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,811So have we made any progress, Colonel?66600:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,644Enormous progress, sir.66700:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,644We now understand the entitiesthat attacked us were made of energy.66800:35:11,720 --> 00:35:12,960Intelligent energy.66900:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,046- Morning, Colonel.- Good morning, Michael.67000:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,087Michael's a robot!67100:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,448I think maybe the extraterrestrialstook what they saw in the orbiter67200:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,410and recreated the same thingsusing light energy.67300:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,364And then sent these light creaturesback at us.67400:35:29,480 --> 00:35:34,122That's why solid matter, bullets and missiles,won't harm them.67500:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,361Can anything harm them?67600:35:35,440 --> 00:35:36,680Maybe.67700:35:37,320 --> 00:35:41,211The cubes we recovered in Guamare normally pretty feisty.67800:35:41,280 --> 00:35:42,880BRENNER: Hey, look at that!COOPER: Whoa!67900:35:43,280 --> 00:35:44,725Oh, he didn't like it though.68000:35:44,880 --> 00:35:45,881(GASPS)68100:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,129But they calm down pretty quick68200:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,931when we hit them withsome super-charged light particles.68300:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,007And the slut-seeking missile,I'd love to see that.68400:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,287- Do you have that around here?- You are so smart.68500:35:58,360 --> 00:35:59,805Yeah? You think so?68600:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,486Is that how you got intothe Mississippi Institute of Technology?68700:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,847You know,I wish I never went in that closet with you.68800:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,685I was very happydrinking and crying by myself.68900:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,171I so regret trying to kiss you.69000:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,323I would kiss the guy in the yacht 100 timesbefore I kissed you.69100:36:20,320 --> 00:36:21,845- Moving on.- Yeah.69200:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,206We have begun instructingthe Navy SEAL task force69300:36:26,280 --> 00:36:27,964on the use of the prototype weapons.69400:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,210PORTER: What do we train for?SEALS: War!69500:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,850- Why do we fight?- To win!69600:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,530- When do we quit?- Never!69700:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,364- What do we train for?- War!69800:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,090- Why do we fight?- To win!69900:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,367- When do we quit?- Never!70000:36:39,440 --> 00:36:44,162Perhaps our new expert advisorswould like to say a few words to the SEALs.70100:36:44,840 --> 00:36:45,921Oh, boy.70200:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,891Men, you have served this nationwith distinction,70300:36:49,960 --> 00:36:55,000in combat zones, in every nook and crannyof this godforsaken world,70400:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,329defeating every enemy they've thrown at you.70500:36:58,640 --> 00:36:59,760(WHISPERING) Hey, what's up?70600:37:00,320 --> 00:37:01,287Brenner?70700:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,806- I couldn't get a babysitter.- Oh.70800:37:03,880 --> 00:37:09,603The President has brought inthese two civilian Arcaders70900:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,762who we are required to listen to71000:37:12,240 --> 00:37:15,005for 120 seconds,71100:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,361starting...71200:37:16,440 --> 00:37:17,566I can't do this.71300:37:17,640 --> 00:37:18,720- You can do this.- Uh, no.71400:37:18,840 --> 00:37:19,841...now!71500:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,570I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up!71600:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,246We know how to do this. They don't.Just act the part.71700:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,560Hey, guys.71800:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,162How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod,for that beautiful intro.71900:37:29,240 --> 00:37:31,891Hey, uh, fellas. Good to see you.72000:37:31,960 --> 00:37:32,961Um...72100:37:33,240 --> 00:37:36,483Let me introduce myself.My name is Sam Brenner.72200:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,246And this is the Wonder Kid, also known as...72300:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,522Your worst nightmare!72400:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,929Looks to me, Brenner,72500:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,685like someone forgot to send usthe best of the best.72600:37:50,760 --> 00:37:51,807Oops.72700:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,771And instead,dropped off a bunch of incontinent,72800:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,968adult diaper-wearing,72900:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,203candy-assed, cries-himself-to-sleep,73000:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,760women-baby-man-people!73100:38:04,200 --> 00:38:05,770What am I lookin' at right now?73200:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,647Are you guys soldiers?Or the cast of Magic Mike?73300:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,451You gonna fight? Or dance naked?73400:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,284From now on,73500:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,170you maggots, you little girl maggots...73600:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,811Whatever the hellthe female form of maggot is.73700:38:21,880 --> 00:38:22,961Magina?73800:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,565You magina!73900:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,644When you magina poop your pants,74000:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,722you're gonna be thinking of me!74100:38:29,800 --> 00:38:30,961In your pants!74200:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,565You know what I mean.74300:38:32,840 --> 00:38:33,887(LAUGHING)74400:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,084Do you feel me?74500:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,048Do you feel me, sailor?74600:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,928You beautiful Nubian man!74700:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,924You gorgeous specimenof what God can make!74800:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,771Do you feel me?74900:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,410I think you're about to feel him, Lud.75000:38:50,240 --> 00:38:51,401I can't move.75100:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,003Lemme help you. Hey, come here.75200:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,162Sorry. Don't touch the guy. Just sit down.75300:38:56,240 --> 00:38:57,480- Did I do good?- You did awful.75400:38:57,560 --> 00:38:58,641Sit down.75500:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,325Sorry about that, everybody.75600:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,250I know it's weird.75700:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,682Two buffoons like me and this guygiving advice to you badasses.75800:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,048But the truth is we've been training.75900:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,846Since childhood, we've been trainingour prefrontal cortex76000:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,129to perform extremely complex motor feats76100:39:17,200 --> 00:39:22,411with hand-eye coordinationunique to a very specific cognitive acuity.76200:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,290I learned a lot of big wordsat the dorm-room drug parties.76300:39:25,880 --> 00:39:29,168All of it's been meaninglessin all areas of our life.76400:39:30,440 --> 00:39:35,287But suddenly, it might be comin' in handyto saving our planet.76500:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,486So we're hopin' you guys can forget about usbein' civilian morons,76600:39:39,560 --> 00:39:43,121and let us teach you a few thingsin the little time we have.76700:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,490I think we might help you win this thing.76800:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,966BRENNER: There is onlyone objective in Asteroids.76900:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,409That is to destroy every rockand every saucer.77000:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,450You don't wanna get hitby any of these boulders.77100:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,410That's why I recommendstayin' in the middle.77200:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,926Just 'cause you see a hammerdoesn't mean grab it.77300:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,002You're not gonna climb a ladderwith a hammer in your hand.77400:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,889- Very good.- Good piloting, Maverick!77500:40:08,480 --> 00:40:09,481(GRUNTS)77600:40:09,680 --> 00:40:10,966Don't lock into radar.77700:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,008Okay, it's fine, son. It's fine.77800:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,162You just blew up our entire planet.77900:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,767Ain't no way Inky's catching up to you!78000:40:20,560 --> 00:40:24,007I want you to focus mostly on the ships.78100:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,687Every 10,000 points,you get another triangle ship.78200:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,489That's a good thing.78300:40:29,560 --> 00:40:30,800(ARCADE GAME PINGING)78400:40:31,680 --> 00:40:32,841Damn.78500:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,362He's still the master.78600:40:35,440 --> 00:40:36,771COOPER: This is just likewhen we were dating.78700:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,161JANE: Aw.COOPER: No distractions, just us.78800:40:39,240 --> 00:40:40,924(CHUCKLES) And cake.78900:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,010Whoa, Big Man. Settle down therewith that butterscotch frosting.79000:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,969What? Too much? Well, you know what?79100:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,805You're really not gonna like what I dowith the rainbow sprinkles.79200:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,804- Come on now! No! I love it!- Will! No!79300:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,689Here comes the sprinkle monster!79400:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,410- (GROWLING)- (CHUCKLING)79500:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,041Mr. President.79600:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,721(MUFFLED) Yes, Jennifer.79700:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,963We just received an alien transmissionfrom the "Where's the Beef?" lady.79800:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,087(STUTTERS) What did she say?79900:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,401First of all, she asked where the beef was.80000:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,484Then she said that the next battlewas on at sundown tomorrow.80100:41:09,560 --> 00:41:13,0875130' 29" latitude. 09' 42" longitude.80200:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,207Where is that?80300:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,605Go! Go! Go! Move! Move! Move!80400:41:42,680 --> 00:41:43,681(GRUNTS)80500:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,445Clear the area!80600:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,525The lot of ya, come on! Move it!80700:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,204I said, move it!80800:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,851- What's all this then, mate?- Hey, I got this. Hi.80900:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,206We're Americans.81000:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,362Our Navy SEALs were given permissionby your government81100:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,284to prepare for an extraterrestrial invasion,81200:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,842which we believe will occur at thesecoordinates in approximately 60 minutes.81300:42:09,040 --> 00:42:10,360We're shootin' a beer commercial.81400:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,648Oh, right, then. Break a leg, then, yeah?81500:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,369Whoa, whoa, whoa.What was that, man? Why'd you lie to him?81600:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,125I'm trying not to cause total panic, Yank.81700:42:20,880 --> 00:42:21,961And, you...81800:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,522I don't want to hear another word out of you.All right?81900:42:28,520 --> 00:42:29,965You walkin' wiener coat.82000:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,802What's a wiener coat?82100:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,648(SIRENS BLARING)82200:42:36,400 --> 00:42:40,041Madam Prime Minister, I can't thank youenough for your cooperation on this.82300:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,730But of course, Will.82400:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,087Well, I trust with the concord of our powers82500:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,891we can duff up the jiggery-pokeryof these blighters82600:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,809and send them scuffering back82700:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,207to the fractious firmamentfrom whence they came!82800:42:51,280 --> 00:42:52,281I know, right?82900:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,160Bang on!83000:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,321(CHUCKLING)83100:42:56,240 --> 00:42:58,004(SOFTLY) No idea what she just said.83200:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,008I just wanna touch it.83300:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,770Easy with those light cannons, gentlemen.We don't have any backups.83400:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,602These ray guns gonna work, Van Patten?83500:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,091We had no way to field-test them, sir.83600:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,766But our computer models showa great likelihood of effectiveness.83700:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,481"Great likelihood"? You're sending my meninto battle with untested ordnance?83800:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,723I had two days to do thingsnever done before on this planet, sir.83900:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,521Just remember who you're talking to, missy.84000:43:25,600 --> 00:43:26,601HILL: All right!84100:43:26,680 --> 00:43:31,208Anybody who doesn't need to be here,follow me to the support area.84200:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,690That means you two nipple-twisters.84300:43:35,520 --> 00:43:36,567Move it!84400:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,206Hey, Colonel. Don't worry.They're gonna work.84500:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,808The US military was attackedand what does President Cooper do?84600:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,042His critics say, "Nothing."84700:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,283That's not strictly true. He made a cake.84800:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,283No, because I'm the sprinkle monster!84900:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,084- You are my sprinkle monster!- (GROWLING)85000:43:56,240 --> 00:43:57,287(COOPER CHUCKLING ON TV)85100:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,721- Let's put that on pause, Sean.- Thank you.85200:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,051- Turn it off.- (CLEARS THROAT)85300:44:04,560 --> 00:44:05,891Apologies, Will.85400:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,042Just wanted to spend some quality timewith the wife.85500:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,531Oh, I understand.85600:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,649My husband actually said that we don'tspend time together like we used to,85700:44:14,720 --> 00:44:18,486so I took him to one of those, um,do-it-yourself pottery studios.85800:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,406And he made me a"World's Sexiest Prime Minister" coffee mug.85900:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,810Well, maybe he sees somethin' thatnobody else does, you know. (CHUCKLES)86000:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,401(CLEARS THROAT)86100:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,602Anything, Colonel Van Patten?86200:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,321It's eerily quiet, Mr. President.86300:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,007In case it's Space Invaders,86400:44:44,080 --> 00:44:45,081I just thought of something I should tell...86500:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,009Please return to the support area!86600:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,282Okay, but there's a 5 plus 1 formation,all right?86700:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,842If we need ya, we know where to find ya.All right?86800:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,325Now, bugger off.86900:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,291Bloody geek.87000:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,050It's Centipede.87100:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,764Okay, boys! Do exactly what we talked about!87200:45:46,840 --> 00:45:49,081Shoot each centipede from the head down!87300:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,051Do not hit him in the middleor he will split into two!87400:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,204No! No!Didn't we just say don't split him in half?87500:46:12,280 --> 00:46:13,486Shoot for the head!87600:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,688The mushroom things are in the way!87700:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,888You shoot the mushroom things!Like the game!87800:46:22,560 --> 00:46:26,121Guys, every time he hits a mushroom,he's gonna change direction!87900:46:28,120 --> 00:46:31,442My God! Will you please find the patternand anticipate!88000:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,568I don't know the patterns!88100:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,483Sergeant Duff! 12 o'clock!88200:46:36,720 --> 00:46:37,721(GROWLING)88300:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,445(GROANING)88400:46:44,640 --> 00:46:45,641(GASPS)88500:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,006(SNARLING)88600:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,246What the hell kind ofbeer commercial is this?88700:46:53,720 --> 00:46:58,408If I say it's a beer commercial,it's a bloody beer commercial.88800:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,410Get your flabby ass back here, Yank!88900:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,362- (ALL CHEERING)- Shock and awe, baby!89000:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,204High score, alien trash!89100:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,770You messed with the wrong planet!89200:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,842From Land's End to John o'Groats!89300:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,366- What the hell are you saying?- I don't know!89400:47:42,080 --> 00:47:43,241(BRENNER GRUNTS)89500:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,291Hey, Ludlow! Grab a light cannon!Get out here now! I need your help!89600:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,886Me? No! Look at me! I look delicious!89700:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,440They'll gobble me up like space dim sum!89800:47:52,520 --> 00:47:53,521(PIXELS CLICKING)89900:47:54,720 --> 00:47:56,051BRENNER: It's level two!90000:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,407We're the only ones who can do this!90100:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,363Come on! You're the Wonder Kid!90200:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,484You have no authorityto dispense weapons here, Mr. Brenner!90300:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,131Mr. President?90400:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,882Let the nerds take over.90500:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,050VIOLET: What was that, sir?90600:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,407Let the nerds take over!90700:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,724Let the nerds take over!90800:48:17,360 --> 00:48:18,805Brenner's right.90900:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,810I am the Wonder Kid.91000:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,050(WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND PLAYING)91100:48:30,240 --> 00:48:36,725Everyone's watching to see what you will do91200:48:36,800 --> 00:48:41,044Everyone's looking at you, oh91300:48:41,160 --> 00:48:42,446This is the best, huh?91400:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,570I've never been happier and more alive!91500:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,001(BRENNER LAUGHING)91600:48:49,840 --> 00:48:53,481Everyone's trying to get it right91700:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,291Get it right91800:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,682Everybody's working for the weekend91900:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,041(PINGING)92000:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,970Everybody wants a new romance92100:49:06,040 --> 00:49:07,280(SCREAMING)92200:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,971Everybody's going off the deep end92300:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,725Okay. You can let go of each other now.92400:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,289Everybody needs a second chance92500:49:19,360 --> 00:49:20,771Oh92600:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,287You want a piece of my heart?92700:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,488All right, you finish that. I'll finish this.92800:49:29,400 --> 00:49:30,401(TIRES SCREECHING)92900:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,966It's been 30 years since I kicked your butt,and it's gonna happen again!93000:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,129(PEOPLE SCREAMING)93100:49:41,520 --> 00:49:42,521(SCREAMS)93200:49:49,320 --> 00:49:50,651With the arms!93300:49:51,160 --> 00:49:52,571Let's take it forward.93400:49:54,440 --> 00:49:55,930Then take it back.93500:49:58,280 --> 00:49:59,930- Enjoy it!- BRENNER: Hey!93600:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,601Come here!93700:50:07,800 --> 00:50:08,801(PEOPLE CLAMORING)93800:50:09,080 --> 00:50:10,081You little... (GRUNTS)93900:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,606Who are you, mister?94000:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,650Son, I'm just a loserwho's good at old video games.94100:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,441Well, thank God for that.94200:50:28,720 --> 00:50:30,961- Drinks are on the US government!- (ALL CHEERING)94300:50:32,200 --> 00:50:33,884Which is covering up the truth94400:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,440about the ancient pyramidunder the Hoover Dam!94500:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,131You know, you're all right, Brenner.94600:50:40,200 --> 00:50:42,123You're all right too, snobby.94700:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,884You gonna nurse that all night long,or when are you gonna start hittin' it?94800:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,361We ding up a few foreign belligerents,beer is fine.94900:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,687We defeat a full-on alien invasion,95000:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,604I'm thinking something a little stronger.95100:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,607- Mmm-hmm.- No.95200:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,887You're really challenging meto drink you under the table?95300:50:57,960 --> 00:50:58,927- You got it.- Oh!95400:50:59,000 --> 00:51:00,968I'm not so sure you can, buddy.95500:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,806I was the vodka shot record holderin my class at West Point.95600:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,121Well, one time I drank15 milkshakes at Denny's,95700:51:06,200 --> 00:51:07,884so we'll see what happens.95800:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,567- Where are my gamers at, huh?- (CHEERING)95900:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,849Looks like all the time you wastedwhen we were kids is finally payin' off.96000:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,763- Yeah, baby.- All right, huh?96100:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,047Sir, may I have the honorof pouring you a frosty?96200:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,404The President can't be seen drinkingduring times of crisis.96300:51:22,680 --> 00:51:23,806So nobody look!96400:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,769- That's it. Look away!- (ALL CHEERING)96500:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,249MR. ROARKE ON TV:(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Inhabitants of Earth.96600:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,881Congratulations, you have won this battle.96700:51:33,160 --> 00:51:37,529Please accept one of our warriorsas a trophy of your victory.96800:51:40,360 --> 00:51:41,361(LAUGHING)96900:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,001(BARKING)97000:51:44,920 --> 00:51:45,921Aw.97100:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,601(IN FRENCH ACCENT)The next challenge will not be as easy.97200:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,650The details will be sentvia this signal shortly.97300:51:51,720 --> 00:51:55,520Remember,we are still leading two battles to one.97400:51:56,200 --> 00:52:00,285One more loss for youwill mean the annihilation of your world.97500:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,966Good luck and may the best planet win.97600:52:05,600 --> 00:52:06,720COOPER: Well, you heard 'em.97700:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,206Let's get back to work.97800:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,169We gotta get you guysready for your next battle.97900:52:10,240 --> 00:52:11,651Battle? Us? Huh?98000:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,290This is like a regular thing now?98100:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,210Remember when I told you thatyou were meant for something more in life?98200:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,560Yeah.98300:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,324This could be it, buddy.98400:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,323There's nobody better than you.98500:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,401LUDLOW: Well,98600:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,881(INHALES SHARPLY) not at every game.98700:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,131No. No! Never gonna happen.98800:52:29,120 --> 00:52:30,406You know, he's right, Brenner.98900:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,080We don't even know where to find that idiot!99000:52:33,440 --> 00:52:35,283(SIRENS WAILING)99100:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,170VIOLET: Eddie Plant.Married and divorced four times,99200:52:40,240 --> 00:52:43,767declared bankruptcy in 1991 and 2004.99300:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,161In 2005, he was caughthacking cell phone companies99400:52:46,240 --> 00:52:48,481and adding one of those fees you seeon your bill every month,99500:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,284- but have no idea what it is.- What an idiot.99600:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,488Made about 50 millionbefore he was convicted and sentenced99700:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,449to 20 years in prison.99800:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,761Guards, get me outta here.99900:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,241It's that mean Centipede killer.100000:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,529I hope he don't zap me with his space gun.100100:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,090How are you, Eddie?100200:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,049'Sup, Second Place?100300:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,407Oh! And your sidekick here,100400:53:12,480 --> 00:53:13,766Presi-donut.100500:53:14,480 --> 00:53:18,405I didn't know you can havean approval rating so catatastrophic.100600:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,370- Okay, look, Eddie, here's what we need.- EDDIE: I know what you need.100700:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,568You need the Fire Blaster.100800:53:23,640 --> 00:53:24,926Who's the Fire Blaster?100900:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,731Me. That's my nickname, sugar buns.101000:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,601Oh, yeah. That's right.The one you made up for yourself.101100:53:30,680 --> 00:53:32,250Yeah. Who cares who made it up?101200:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,924It's totally tubular!101300:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,001Yeah.101400:53:35,080 --> 00:53:40,086See, this is why I don't thinkI can have Brenner on my team.101500:53:40,160 --> 00:53:41,730He's just not really a gamer.101600:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,485Break out a bag of quarters. Pick a game.I'll destroy you at it.101700:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,528Oh, I'll pick a game, all right.101800:53:46,920 --> 00:53:48,126(GIBBERING)101900:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,404- Okay. I'm leaving.- No, no, no. Hey, here, come on.102000:53:51,480 --> 00:53:52,561Sit down.102100:53:53,720 --> 00:53:55,404Okay, in exchange for helping us,102200:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,326I will personally speak to the parole boardabout reducing your sentence.102300:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,642- Pass.- Pass?102400:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,128That deal don't work for Eddie Plant.102500:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,488You want the Fire Blaster's help,he has some demands.102600:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,080Demands?102700:54:20,240 --> 00:54:22,402The Bifocal Blaster is here, by the way.102800:54:26,520 --> 00:54:27,681I want an island.102900:54:27,760 --> 00:54:28,921Oh, my God.103000:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,844There are 18,617 named islands103100:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,446that are part of the United Statesand its territories.103200:54:34,520 --> 00:54:37,763Not to mentionall the countless unnamed ones,103300:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,684like the soon-to-be-called Edwahii.103400:54:41,120 --> 00:54:42,565Mmm. You're not getting an island.103500:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,523Then I want a full pardon.I wanna get outta here for good.103600:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,524And after I do,I don't wanna pay no taxes like,103700:54:49,640 --> 00:54:50,721forever.103800:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,883And no sales tax.If I wanna buy some, for instance, gum,103900:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,725I wanna flash me a cardthat says "I saved the world."104000:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,929I don't have to payno shitballs taxes on the gum.104100:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,282And I want a stealth-attack helicopter,like they fly over the Super Bowl104200:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,362at my disposal, at all times.104300:55:07,440 --> 00:55:09,124You know, so I can fly around.104400:55:09,240 --> 00:55:12,562If the world's still here,I don't wanna deal with traffic no more.104500:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,171And lastly,104600:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,847I want you to set up a romantic rendezvous104700:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,328between me,Serena Williams and Martha Stewart104800:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,880in the Lincoln Bedroom.104900:55:24,960 --> 00:55:29,124Number one. You're not getting a helicopteror any sort of flying or driving vehicle.105000:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,561Number two.I'm pretty sure the federal government105100:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,160could do without your income taxesand be fine.105200:55:34,240 --> 00:55:38,768And number three.If you help us beat these things,105300:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,808I think we can get you outta here.105400:55:42,080 --> 00:55:44,526And the Martha-Serena sandwich?105500:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,088Pick one of 'em. We'll set up a coffee.105600:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,924Serena Williams. And we are closed.105700:55:50,320 --> 00:55:51,321(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)105800:55:52,920 --> 00:55:53,921Hello?105900:55:55,280 --> 00:55:56,691I understand.106000:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,049It's happening tonight.106100:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,201Where?106200:56:01,280 --> 00:56:02,281New York City.106300:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,611Oh! Fuhgeddaboutit!106400:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,650Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (CHUCKLING)106500:56:26,600 --> 00:56:28,045Hello, Big Apple.106600:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,851- The cavalry has arrived.- (PEOPLE CHEERING)106700:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,090Thanks for comin'.106800:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,289We saw how you guystook care of the centipedes.106900:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,089We hope you can do the same for us.107000:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,845We hope so also.Well, what are we dealin' with?107100:56:47,520 --> 00:56:48,851Over here.107200:56:50,520 --> 00:56:53,729Rookie, just tell 'em what you saw.107300:56:55,000 --> 00:56:56,604It was awful.107400:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,206It was like one of those monster movies,you know?107500:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,361But this time107600:57:00,440 --> 00:57:01,965(WHISPERING) the monster was real.107700:57:02,040 --> 00:57:03,963And who was this monster?107800:57:05,520 --> 00:57:06,760Pac-Man.107900:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,763Pac-Man? Boom. That's my jam.108000:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,763Let's get us some light cannonsand blow this sucker back108100:57:10,840 --> 00:57:12,285to whatever planet it came from.108200:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,761No! No, light cannons don't kill Pac-Man.108300:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,330Those little ghosts do.108400:57:16,400 --> 00:57:18,801Boom! Let's get us some little ghosts.108500:57:18,880 --> 00:57:20,484You want ghosts?108600:57:21,040 --> 00:57:22,530She's got ghosts.108700:57:32,360 --> 00:57:35,443We used the energy force-field technologyfrom the cube108800:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,444to develop four mini-generatorsfor each of the cars.108900:57:38,520 --> 00:57:39,487Ghosts.109000:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,888We're calling them XM950 attack modules.109100:57:42,960 --> 00:57:44,530- (WHISTLES)- Okay and we're callin' 'em Mini Ghosts109200:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,080'cause we'll never rememberwhat you just said.109300:57:47,160 --> 00:57:49,481Why are there four of 'em?There's only three of us. Who's our fourth?109400:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,402May I introduce to youProfessor Toru Iwatani.109500:57:55,880 --> 00:57:57,564The creator of Pac-Man.109600:58:01,560 --> 00:58:02,561(SPEAKING JAPANESE)109700:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,165You speak Japanese?109800:58:14,240 --> 00:58:15,571No.109900:58:16,800 --> 00:58:17,961Sir, what an honor.110000:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,327Thanks for all the joyyou brought to our lives.110100:58:20,640 --> 00:58:21,880Awesome.110200:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,565I made your game my bitch.110300:58:29,280 --> 00:58:31,123What is a110400:58:31,200 --> 00:58:32,440"bitch"?110500:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,124Don't worry about it. He's a criminal.110600:58:38,520 --> 00:58:39,567(SEATBELT CLICKS)110700:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,563- You all right?- Yeah.110800:58:41,640 --> 00:58:45,008Okay, now, assuming they play by the rulesof the game like they did with Centipede,110900:58:45,080 --> 00:58:48,926if you guys hit Pac-Man three timeswith this energy field, we win.111000:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,163Ludlow's right. You do smell good.111100:58:53,160 --> 00:58:54,810- Good luck.- Yeah.111200:58:58,120 --> 00:59:00,487(SIRENS WAILING)111300:59:08,440 --> 00:59:10,841Gentlemen, I'll be sendingPac-Man's current coordinates111400:59:10,920 --> 00:59:12,604to each of your car's GPSes.111500:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,131Let's locate and eliminate.111600:59:16,480 --> 00:59:17,606Come on, guys.111700:59:18,240 --> 00:59:19,730(PEOPLE CLAMORING)111800:59:25,480 --> 00:59:27,244(TIRES SCREECHING)111900:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,002Pac-Man's a bad guy?112000:59:41,800 --> 00:59:42,801(MAN GRUNTS)112100:59:43,960 --> 00:59:45,849Pac-Man is not bad!112200:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,842I created him to bring joyto all the people of the world.112300:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,206They have brainwashed him!112400:59:53,680 --> 00:59:57,651Deep down, he's kind, gentle.112500:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,202Someone you can tell your troubles toor grab a hamburger with.112601:00:07,640 --> 01:00:08,880You'll see.112701:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,441Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!112801:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,488Professor Iwatani, what are you doin'?112901:00:17,560 --> 01:00:20,006I will talk to him. He's my son!113001:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,491No, that's a bad idea.113101:00:29,080 --> 01:00:30,525Hello,113201:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,208my sweet little boy.113301:00:34,160 --> 01:00:36,003Look how big you've grown!113401:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,569I'm so proud of you.113501:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,367It's so sweet. He's so sweet.113601:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,641But all these destructive thingsyou're doing,113701:00:45,720 --> 01:00:47,006it's wrong.113801:00:48,840 --> 01:00:50,444I'm your father.113901:00:53,520 --> 01:00:54,760I know114001:00:55,280 --> 01:00:56,406you're a good boy.114101:01:00,920 --> 01:01:01,921(BEEPS)114201:01:02,720 --> 01:01:04,006(SCREAMING)114301:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,206No!114401:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,364Somebody kill this stupid bitch!114501:01:11,880 --> 01:01:16,761That was some twistedPinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there.114601:01:18,600 --> 01:01:19,601(WOMAN SCREAMING)114701:01:19,960 --> 01:01:21,291All right, losers!114801:01:22,080 --> 01:01:23,600- It's three on one.- (ENGINE REVVING)114901:01:23,760 --> 01:01:24,921Let's hit it.115001:01:39,720 --> 01:01:41,290(TIRES SCREECHING)115101:01:45,960 --> 01:01:46,961(SCREAMING)115201:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,802Pac-Man's faster than I remember.115301:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,327Pac-Man's always been fasterthan the ghosts.115401:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,562We're gonna have to outmaneuver his ass.115501:02:09,200 --> 01:02:10,201(STRAINED GRUNTING)115601:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,363EDDIE: Wonderfro,you and Silver Medal break off.115701:02:18,520 --> 01:02:20,488I'll stay with Big Yellow.115801:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,163(GAME PINGING)115901:02:24,480 --> 01:02:26,482VIOLET: Whoa, Eddie,how did you do that so fast?116001:02:26,680 --> 01:02:28,523'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.116101:02:30,040 --> 01:02:31,041(SIREN WAILING)116201:02:34,240 --> 01:02:35,321Nope!116301:02:36,960 --> 01:02:37,961What's up?116401:02:41,520 --> 01:02:43,010Oh, yeah!116501:02:47,960 --> 01:02:48,961(ALL CHEERING)116601:02:49,040 --> 01:02:50,201Good one, Eddie.116701:02:50,280 --> 01:02:51,520(EXHALES)116801:02:52,200 --> 01:02:53,440BRENNER OVER RADIO: One down.116901:02:53,520 --> 01:02:54,567Two to go!117001:02:56,840 --> 01:02:57,841(TIRES SCREECHING)117101:03:00,040 --> 01:03:01,451All right, Pac-Man Number Two117201:03:01,520 --> 01:03:04,251just regenerated four streets awayheaded northbound.117301:03:04,720 --> 01:03:07,929Turn east at the next intersection.117401:03:08,000 --> 01:03:09,001Brenner, go straight.117501:03:09,240 --> 01:03:10,287Got it.117601:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,200- VIOLET: Ludlow, go left.- (TIRES SCREECHING)117701:03:13,240 --> 01:03:16,050Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.117801:03:17,200 --> 01:03:18,281LUDLOW: We got him!117901:03:18,360 --> 01:03:20,203He's got nowhere to go!118001:03:22,560 --> 01:03:23,561(TIRES SCREECHING)118101:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,127Oh, God. No!118201:03:28,240 --> 01:03:29,321"Oh, God. No," what?118301:03:29,400 --> 01:03:30,686He ate the power pellet.118401:03:30,760 --> 01:03:33,127Pac-Man's got 10 secondswhere he can eat us.118501:03:36,360 --> 01:03:37,885Why me?118601:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,449Oh, God. Don't eat me,don't eat me, don't eat me.118701:03:47,520 --> 01:03:48,931Please, please, don't eat me!118801:03:50,920 --> 01:03:52,206(SCREAMING)118901:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,562Guys! Help!119001:03:57,640 --> 01:03:59,768I'm gonna die a virgin!119101:04:04,080 --> 01:04:05,081(SCREAMING)119201:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,611Why are you doing this to me?119301:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,483You've been brainwashed!119401:04:20,640 --> 01:04:23,166You're a good boy!119501:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,442Ludlow, run! Pump your legs! Go, baby!119601:04:26,240 --> 01:04:27,241(TIRES SCREECHING)119701:04:30,400 --> 01:04:31,970- (ALL CHEERING)- Attaboy, Eddie!119801:04:32,360 --> 01:04:36,160(CHUCKLES) You just got fire-blasted, sucka.119901:04:36,640 --> 01:04:37,641Uh-huh.120001:04:37,720 --> 01:04:38,721(THUDS)120101:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,968(SIGHS) What?120201:04:41,480 --> 01:04:43,801How the hell did he get over there so fast?120301:04:45,680 --> 01:04:46,841Way to go, champ.120401:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,367Aren't you glad you sprung me,Second Place?120501:04:49,640 --> 01:04:51,529Yeah, thrilled.120601:04:51,600 --> 01:04:54,206One more to go and it's happy hour.120701:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,531So I guess they're just leaving me here.120801:05:12,840 --> 01:05:15,161Now it's time for the hat trick.120901:05:22,320 --> 01:05:23,731(SCREAMING)121001:05:27,280 --> 01:05:28,327Wow!121101:05:28,640 --> 01:05:30,324Brenner, it's on you.121201:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,971There are still three otherpower pellets out there.121301:05:33,040 --> 01:05:34,530So stay alert.121401:05:34,720 --> 01:05:35,801I got this.121501:05:36,480 --> 01:05:37,925If I don't,121601:05:38,000 --> 01:05:39,684the world ends.121701:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,365Can't let that happen.121801:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,682Come on, Brenner. Come on.121901:05:46,040 --> 01:05:47,371(TIRES SCREECHING)122001:05:49,400 --> 01:05:52,244Brenner, he's leading you directlytowards one of the power pellets.122101:05:52,320 --> 01:05:53,765Get out of there.122201:05:55,560 --> 01:05:56,641(BRAKES SCREECHING)122301:06:01,680 --> 01:06:02,681One.122401:06:03,200 --> 01:06:04,361What the hell is he doing?122501:06:05,800 --> 01:06:06,801Two.122601:06:06,880 --> 01:06:10,168VIOLET: Damn it, Brenner.I have a son who I'd like to see grow up.122701:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,049Three. You'll see your boy grow up.122801:06:15,400 --> 01:06:16,447Four.122901:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,251Brenner, get out! He's going to eat you!123001:06:21,400 --> 01:06:22,447Five.123101:06:24,920 --> 01:06:26,001Six.123201:06:28,040 --> 01:06:29,087Seven.123301:06:31,200 --> 01:06:32,326Eight.123401:06:33,680 --> 01:06:34,841Nine.123501:06:40,200 --> 01:06:41,247Ten.123601:06:46,360 --> 01:06:48,761- (BREATHING HEAVILY)- (PAC-MAN POWERING DOWN)123701:06:49,160 --> 01:06:51,003(ALL CHEERING)123801:06:51,080 --> 01:06:54,289You did it! Brenner! That's the one, baby!123901:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,090(ALL CHEERING)124001:07:01,680 --> 01:07:02,806(CHUCKLES)124101:07:05,280 --> 01:07:06,805MAN: He's over here!124201:07:07,760 --> 01:07:09,728(PEOPLE CHEERING)124301:07:16,040 --> 01:07:18,202(HORN BLARING)124401:07:26,960 --> 01:07:29,850(INAUDIBLE)124501:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,327WOMAN: Fire Blaster, I love you!124601:07:34,840 --> 01:07:35,966LUDLOW: Hey, guys!124701:07:36,040 --> 01:07:38,850Sorry. Coming through.I'm one of tonight's heroes. Sorry.124801:07:38,920 --> 01:07:40,001Hey!124901:07:40,320 --> 01:07:41,367(SOFTLY) Hey.125001:07:41,960 --> 01:07:43,200Check it out.125101:07:44,160 --> 01:07:46,925I think I might have found our next trophy.125201:07:47,360 --> 01:07:50,603(MUMBLING)125301:07:51,320 --> 01:07:52,651It's Q*bert.125401:07:52,800 --> 01:07:55,007Yeah, I know! I know.125501:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,126Can I kill it?125601:07:57,200 --> 01:07:58,326No!125701:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,563Let's get to know him a little bit.Ask him some questions.125801:08:01,680 --> 01:08:02,920And then we'll kill him.125901:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,047Huh?126001:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,411- I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.- Q*BERT: Bye.126101:08:07,520 --> 01:08:08,965- Mr. President!- Mr. President!126201:08:09,040 --> 01:08:10,280- Yes, Hal.- HAL: Mr. President,126301:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,921your approval ratings have tripledsince this crisis began.126401:08:14,000 --> 01:08:17,049Do you feel the heretofore sanguine causata126501:08:17,120 --> 01:08:19,327are tracking towardan auspicious denouement?126601:08:20,960 --> 01:08:22,610REPORTER: Oh, shut up, Hal.126701:08:22,680 --> 01:08:25,445You're just using big wordsto try to make him look like an idiot.126801:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,211We love you, Mr. President.Thank you for saving us.126901:08:30,480 --> 01:08:32,323Please, don't thank me.127001:08:32,400 --> 01:08:35,882It's Sam Brenner and his team who havebrought us here to the brink of victory.127101:08:36,160 --> 01:08:38,400And we understandyou're holding a soire in their honor.127201:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,848Is that a good idea when another attackmay be imminent?127301:08:42,000 --> 01:08:43,161COOPER: No need to worry.127401:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,210They will have their Arcader uniforms onunderneath their tuxes,127501:08:46,280 --> 01:08:48,362ready to go at a moment's notice.127601:08:48,720 --> 01:08:50,245And for the record, Hal,127701:08:50,320 --> 01:08:53,369I happen to knowwhat several of those big words meant.127801:08:54,040 --> 01:08:57,726I drank a few cold sanguineson my last trip to Mxico.127901:08:57,800 --> 01:08:58,801(ALL LAUGHING)128001:08:58,880 --> 01:09:00,609Bite on that, Hal!128101:09:00,880 --> 01:09:03,724ALL: (CHANTING) You! You! You! You! You!128201:09:07,400 --> 01:09:08,481(TURNS TV OFF)128301:09:10,720 --> 01:09:12,722I don't know what would be worse.128401:09:13,560 --> 01:09:15,085Them failing,128501:09:15,560 --> 01:09:18,166or them actually pulling this off.128601:09:18,240 --> 01:09:19