positive approaches to influencing your children

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Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children

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Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children. John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. University of Montana, Department of Counselor Education johnsommersflanagan.com. Opening Thoughts. Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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Page 1: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children

Page 2: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth

My favorite surveyWhy you’re hereWhy I’m hereThe Plan

Page 3: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children
Page 4: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Focus very briefly on foundations for optimal brain development

Have a conversation about four strategies for how parents can influence their children

Offer closing thoughts

Page 5: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Use more words Use blocks and other manipulatives Have less screen time Make emotional connections Touch in gentle and soothing ways Expose your children to music – and dancing Engage with books and reading Set limits – It’s okay to say no and then

show empathy When your child/teen is obnoxious and

nasty, the answer is always “No.”

Page 6: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

What parents want

Parents generally want to know how to be a positive force or influence in their children’s lives . . . So their children turn out relatively happy and free (e.g., not in prison)

Page 7: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Direct Power

Indirect Power

Problem-Solving Power

Relationship Power

Page 8: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Grandma’s Rule

If—Then Consequences (Pre-set rules

– ex: curfew and communication)

Passionate Praise

Boring Punishment

Use your voice! (you can even

whisper)

Page 9: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children
Page 10: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Modeling

Encouragement

Character feedback

Wagers

Give choices

Page 11: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children
Page 12: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Solution talk: How did you manage . . . ?

Behavioral alternatives

What has worked before?

The 4 questions of choice theory What do you want? What are you doing? Is

it working? Should you make a new plan?

Mutual problem-solving

Page 13: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children
Page 14: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

Use recreation and play

Use special time

Ask for a favor or I.O.U.

Guilt (I’m disappointed)

Everyday connection (“I love you”)

Page 15: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children
Page 16: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children
Page 17: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

What will you remember?

What principles, strategies, or techniques could you start using right away?

Page 18: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1118012968,descCd-DOWNLOAD.html

To access 10 tip sheets and/or “follow” John’s blog go to johnsommersflanagan.com

Page 19: Positive Approaches to  Influencing your Children

http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/

http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/parenting/John%20Sommers-Flanagan%20Tip%20Sheets.html