OpinionThe Jewish National EditionPost&Presenting a broad spectrum of Jewish News and Opinions since 1935.

Volume 87, Number 2 • March 17, 2021 • 4 Nissan 5781www.jewishpostopinion.com • https://go.usa.gov/xn7ay

Cover Art by Ann D. Koffsky (see About the Cover on p. 2)

had done everything the boys were doing.She said at that time women in the UnitedStates were starting to participate in moreleadership roles because they had had toassume some of the men’s jobs who wereaway fighting in World War II.

Tavel’s parents, Manuel and Diana Levewere very active in the congregation andwere friends with then Rabbi William P.Greenfield who served BEZ from 1946–1960. He wanted a bat mitzvah and felt shewould be a good candidate because shewas a good student and had attendedyears of Hebrew school, so he asked her todo it. She said some of the more observantmembers of the congregation made a fussand said it was not appropriate for womento be on the bimah. However, once theysaw that she did a good job and every-thing went smoothly, they became moreaccepting of the idea. This “opened up thefaucet”for other girls to follow suit.

This is one my favorite of Rabbi Sandy’schildren’s books because it flowed smoothly,is beautifully illustrated by MargeauxLucas, and the details behind the story are fascinating. Rabbi Sandy spent two yearsresearching and revising this book. She hasgreatly admired Judy as a mentor and friendsince rabbinical school, for which Judy’shusband, Rabbi Ira Eisenstein, was thefounding president. The Sassos remainedclose with the Eisensteins through the years.

Who better to do this than another

On Jan. 26, 2021, I watched a Zoomprogram where Rabbi Sandy Sasso, RabbiEmeritus of CongregationBeth-El Zedeck (BEZ) in Indianapolis (co-seniorrabbi with her husband,Dennis, from 1977–2013),read and discussed thewriting of her new chil-dren’s book, Judy Led theWay: The Story of the First Bat Mitzvah.Published Sept. 1, 2020, by Apples andHoney Press, an imprint of BehrmanHouse, this is her 20th book, several ofwhich are award-winning children’s books.

Judy Kaplan Eisenstein, daughter ofRabbi Mordechai Kaplan, founder ofReconstructionist Judaism, was the braveyoung woman tobecome the firstbat mitzvah in the United States.Much to the cha-grin of her twograndmothers, theceremony was heldon March 18, 1922– woman achievedthe right to vote in1920 – at the Society for the Advancementof Judaism in New York City, the syna-gogue Rabbi Kaplan led. Judy was the eldest of four daughters of Rabbi and Lena (Rubin) Kaplan. The book is aboutempowerment, overcoming fears, havingcourage and curiosity, and challenging the status quo.

The bat mitzvah ceremony took place inthe sanctuary where they had separateseating and the women were in the back.Judy was not allowed to be on the bimah,so she read from below it. Also she couldnot read from the Torah so she read from a chumash. After the Torah Service was completed and the Haftorah was chanted,they called her up. Rabbi Sandy said that it took 30 years on the east coast beforeritual equality for young women becamecommonplace.

Usually events happen on the East andWest coasts before the Midwest, so Ichecked with my older siblings, the oldestwho became a bar mitzvah at BEZ inIndianapolis in 1952. They said theirfemale peers were not encouraged tobecome a bat mitzvah to the same degreeas boys were, but when they chose to, theywere performing the same rituals, equal totheir male counterparts.

Attempting to find out more, I spoke toCarole Tavel, the first young woman tobecome a bat mitzvah at BEZ in 1950. Sheconcurred with my siblings and said she

Editorial Inside this Issue

1389 W 86th St. #160Indianapolis, IN 46260email: jpostopinion@gmail.comphone and fax: (317) 405-8084website: www.jewishpostopinion.compublisher & editor: Jennie Cohengraphic designer: Charlie Bunes

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woman of Jewish firsts? She was the firstwoman ordained at the ReconstructionistRabbinical College, the first woman rabbito lead a Conservative Congregation, andwith her husband Rabbi Dennis C. Sasso,the first ever rabbinical couple.

At the end of the program it was interesting to hear about some of herexperiences when she first became a rabbi.The full program can be viewed at: https://kaplancenter.org/recording-of-judy-led-the-way-1-26-21/

Blessings for a healthy Pesach!Jennie Cohen, March 17, 2021 AAAA

Jennie Cohen: (Editorial) .........................2About the Cover ......................................2And God Created Woman .....................3Rabbi Dennis C. Sasso:

One Year Later ......................................3Rabbi Benzion Cohen: (Chassidic Rabbi)

My Story ................................................4Amy Lederman: (Jewish Educator)

A Tale of Two Tables .............................5Miriam Zimmerman: (Conflict Manager)

Staying Married – For Better or Worse..............................6

Melinda Ribner: (Kabbalah of the Month)Nissan – Greater Freedom,Love, and Joy ........................................8

Jim Shipley: (Shipley Speaks)Shesh Shesh Tesha ..................................8

Rabbi Elliot B. Gertel: (Media Watch)Review of Two Lovers ...........................9

Spielberg awarded Genesis prize ......10Sybil Kaplan: (Kosher Kitchen)

Review of The Instant Pot Kosher Cookbook ..................................12

Goblets of Freedom By Ann Koffsky

In this illustration, theartist chose to focus on thetheme of freedom that isemblemized at the sederwith the four cups, andsurrounded it withthe four Hebrewwords for freedom.

She is the authorand illustrator ofmore than 30Jewish books forkids, includingKayla and Kugel’sAlmost PerfectPassover and Frogsin the Bed. You cansee more of herwork at www.annkoffsky.com andon Instagram atJewishArtbyAnn.Her books areavailable onAmazon. HappyPassover! AAAA

2 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT March 17, 2021

About the Cover

Ann Koffsky

Rabbi S. Sasso

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Raised by a rabbinical father who was a feminist before the word was invented,and was well equipped with a quip forevery occasion, my dad said the Biblicalaccount of Creation was not true; whatreally happened is God created man, thenlooked down and said “I can do betterthan that”and created woman.

My mother made the major decisions inour household, leaving my father free todo what he liked best; playing with thekids, writing books, appearing on radio,telling jokes and inspiring large crowdswith his wit, intellect and love for Jewishideals and people.

My parents formed a wonderful part-nership as synagogue leaders and parentsof five rambunctious boys and manyquadrupeds. As choir director, my motherhelped create a harmonious, welcoming,synagogue.

She prepared a festive meal each nightof Passover, for friends, neighbors and dignitaries of all faiths who celebratedfreedom and Jewish ideals in our home. AJuilliard graduate and athlete, my motherplayed Passover songs on the piano, andrecited part of the Passover ritual whilestanding on her head.Thus, my self-confi-dent mother and everyone else were in onthe joke when my dad looked towards mymom and deadpanned, “Passover meansthe end of slavery, but don’t you get anyideas.” In our home, rote learning andconventional thinking were literallyturned on their head, while Jewish idealsof freedom of thought, asking questionsand family love filled the air.

I am so grateful for my mother teaching metennis, supporting our athletic endeavors,coaching our basketball team, and beingable to scream with the best of them. Shemade up for a father who called himselfan anti-athlete and joked that if he felt theurge to exercise, he would lie down until it went away. Raised by east Europeanparents who lacked exposure to sports, mydad learned ping pong in the Philippineswhile serving in World War II, but did notplay other sports. As members of thegreatest generation, my parents workedtogether to raise a family with love,wholesome values, joy and laughter. Noone had to teach us to respect and admirewomen, we saw it every day in our parents.

Whereas Orthodox men give thankseach day that they were not born awoman, I give thanks that I was not raisedby parents who take the Torah literally,

which asserts that women were created asan afterthought from Adam’s rib, could besold into slavery to make ends meet, andcould be stoned to death if not a virgin onher wedding day.

Thank Goddess for Jewish reformerswho rejected the traditional view that it isdangerous to educate a woman, and insti-tuted Bat Mitzvah for girls. Once liberatedfrom the shackles of the irrational notionthat an infallible, misogynistic God wrotethe Torah, modern Jews began to view the Torah as our first attempt at morality,not our last, thus inspiring us to help leadthe way towards women’s equality, truthand righteousness.

In February, we celebrated Black HistoryMonth on Shabbat with African-Americansingers and preachers who joined us inrejoicing over the revival of the Black/Jewish alliance that brought us civil rightsin the 1960s and the recent election of thefirst black and Jewish senators in Georgiahistory, ending the reign of terror of aPresident who bragged about abusingwomen because he was rich, then deniedit when his accusers came forward in anelection year.

As we commemorate Woman’s HistoryMonth, we rejoice that we now have aPresident who serves as a role model foryoung boys by treating women and peopleof every race, creed and sexual orientationwith dignity and respect. We celebrate thefirst female Vice President and the firstJewish second husband who is happy inhis own skin, and like Moses, with theskin of his black, non-Jewish wife. LikePresident Biden, my family roots are inWilmington, Delaware, and I too amblessed with an intelligent, loving wife,who emulates Moshe Rabbeynu (Mosesour teacher), as a skilled educator.

Let us remember this month and everymonth that the best way to create a betterworld is to empower women with dignity,equality and autonomy over their own body,mind and reproductive system. On that day,men, women and children will be blessed.

Rabbi Barry Silver can be reached atbarryboca@aol.com and would be delightedto hear from you whether you agree or

(see Sasso, page 5)

God Said, “I cando better thanthat” and CreatedWoman

disagree with his views. His father wasRabbi Samuel Silver, z”l, who wrote “Digestof the Yiddish Press”, book reviews and morefor this publication from 1948–2007. He isspiritual leader of Congregation L’Dor Va-Dor in Boynton Beach, Fla., and he is the only Rabbi to have served in the FloridaLegislature. He is founder of the InterfaithJustice League and the EnvironmentalCoalition and also founder of CosmicJudaism, which merges Judaism and science.He is a civil rights attorney specializing inchurch/state separation and the environmentand has been in Who’s Who of AmericanLaw since 2000. AAAA

Rabbi Sam, z”l, and Elaine Silver, RabbiBarry’s parents.

BY RABBI BARRY SILVER

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A year of quarantinehas passed. Since March,2020, we have been bring-ing services and programsto the congregation andthe community virtually.

Sacred times have been accompanied bydifficult moments. Most painful have beenthe illnesses and losses, the anxiety andanguish of these unsettling months. Socialdistancing, personal stresses, and politicalupheaval have made this a year ofunprecedented developments beyond thehealth crisis.

Despite challenges and turmoil, I amgrateful for the support and partnership of my colleagues and coworkers at thesynagogue, of dedicated lay leaders,devoted members, family and friends whohave enabled our beloved congregationnot merely to survive, but to retool, thrive,and transform itself to meet adversity andto keep the promise.

Last year, as the pandemic becameentrenched, I quoted, in my first messageto you, a passage from Anne Lamontabout the art of quilt making. Admittedly,not a quilter myself, I proposed that we were living through “quilt-like times”,getting through each day “stitch by stitch,patch by patch.” A year has passed, andspring is almost upon us again. It is timeto look at what we have created, the pieceswe managed to salvage and the threadswe used to sew the fragments together.

Our quilt, a patchwork of sorrow andloss, hope and faith, has been stitchedtogether with heroism, altruism, and simple perseverance. May the blanket ofbeauty and warmth we have createdembrace and enfold us as we move towardsblessings of renewal, healing, and joy.

(This message will appear in the nextissue of our congregational newsletter,Besamim).

BY RABBI DENNIS C. SASSO

One Year Later

he arranged for his business partner –Charles Roth, who was affiliated withChabad – to speak to me. Charles tried toconvince me that I could find the samebenefits in Chasidic teachings. Chasidimalso practiced meditation and had a strongconnection to G-d, he said, recommend-ing that I delve into a book called Tanya,the seminal work of the Alter Rebbe, thefounder of the Chabad Movement.

To make a long story short, this led meto the study of other Jewish texts and tovisiting Kfar Chabad, the Lubavitch villagein Israel. As a result of that experience, Ienrolled in the yeshiva on the premises,which welcomed people just like me whohad little or no background in Judaism.

Once I started studying in this yeshiva, Inoticed that some of the students wouldsit quietly for five or ten minutes beforeprayers started, and I guessed they weremeditating. I approached one of them andhe confirmed this, directing me to speak tothe yeshiva’s spiritual mentor, RabbiShlomo Chaim Kesselman to find outmore. This is how I learned the meaning of Chasidic meditation and its foundationin the contemplation of Chapter 41 of the Tanya.

I started meditating on this chapter forfive to ten minutes every day. And verysoon I felt myself coming close to G-d,which is a very special, very wonderfulfeeling. I was also succeeding in myTalmudic studies with Rabbi ShneurZalman Gafni and in my Chasidic studieswith Rabbi Hershel Hecht.

After a few months, it was suggested to me that I reach out to the Rebbe forguidance, so I wrote a letter telling theRebbe my life story. In due course came areply – a beautiful letter – in which theRebbe said that he was gratified that, aftermy spiritual wanderings, I found the rightpath at last:

“In as much as you are fortunate toarrive at your destination, namely theTorah, the Torah of Truth…you will nowenjoy the relief that comes after such ajourney, and you will utilize all yourcapacities in the “four cubits”of Torah andmitzvot. And although the [Talmudic]expression speaks of “four cubits,” theseare the “four cubits” that embrace thewhole world.

“I have already had occasion manytimes to emphasize that, precisely in ourday and age, we can clearly see how asmall quantity can produce extraordinaryresults which are completely out of proportion. We have seen the destructiveforces that can be realized from a verysmall quantity of several pounds of atomicmaterial. If this is so in the negative anddestructive aspect, how much more is it inthe good and constructive aspect… This iswhy the “four cubits”of Torah and mitzvot,

even of one single individual, can have atremendous effect on the whole world.”

The Rebbe went on to point out thatthere are those who think it is necessary tobring about change in the world throughviolent revolutions and loud propaganda,but this is not the way of Torah, whichteaches us that great things can be accom-plished even by small good deeds. In thiscontext, the Rebbe quoted Maimonides,the great 12th century Jewish philosopher,who said,“A person should always considerhimself and all the world equally balanced. Thus, at any time, when a person does a good deed, he tips the scale in favor of himself as well as thewhole world.”

His letter inspired me greatly. During mysecond year in yeshiva, my mother came tovisit and gave me some extra money. Ashort time later, we were escorting RabbiKesselman to the airport for a visit to theRebbe. In the heat of the moment, I decidedto send the money along as a contributiontoward the Rebbe’s outreach campaigns.Rabbi Kesselman later told me that, whengiven the donation, the Rebbe inquired aboutmy progress. And when Rabbi Kesselmanresponded that I was succeeding in mystudies and meditating before prayers, theRebbe was very happy. He actually stoodup and exclaimed,“Ben Zion contemplatesChasidus before praying! It would be greatif all of the students did the same!”

Subsequently, I had the occasion to meetwith the Rebbe in person and I asked himabout my prayer practice. He answeredthat I should continue meditating onChapter 41 of the Tanya, as well as occasionally studying the first chapter ofthe section of the Tanya entitled, “TheGate of Oneness and Faith.”This chaptertalks about how G-d constantly re-createsthe world, and if He would not be re-creating the world every second, then theworld would cease to exist.

So now, 49 years later, I think about thisevery day before I pray – that G-d giveseverything in the world its existence – allthe time, at every moment. Realizing thishelps me live a happy life, and when testsand challenges intervene, it helps meremember that G-d is everything.

This is the message that I got from theRebbe and from Chasidic teachings. AndI’ve been trying my whole life to give overthis message to other people, wherever Igo and whomever I meet.

Rabbi Ben Zion Cohen resides in KfarChabad, Israel where he teaches at YeshivatOhr Temimim. This interview was doneOctober 2018 and published December 2020.It can be found here: http://myencounterblog.com/?p=3924 AAAA

Two years ago I was interviewed by JEM(Jewish Educational Media). Recently theypublished my story and I am sharing it withyou. Check their websites to read many beautiful stories.

When I graduated high school, themembers of the Jewish community inIndianapolis, my hometown, offered me afree trip to Israel. They thought that a kidlike me – who received only a minimalJewish education and whose parents wereminimally observant – needed a boost tostay Jewish. And it so happened that Icame to Israel, along with another 200kids like me, right after the end of the SixDay War of 1967. We spent two monthstouring, and wherever we went, we sawhappy people. This made an impressionon me because, back home, I rarely sawpeople who looked so happy.

Why were these Israelis so happy? Theytold us that for six months they had livedin fear of their Arab neighbors who loudlydeclared that they planned to push everyJew into the sea. And then, in six shortdays, Israel overcame all of them andrecaptured vast amounts of territory, allwith minimal casualties.

As a result of this experience, I decidedto remain in Israel and study at HebrewUniversity. During this time, I was alsovery strongly influenced by a foray intoyoga as a religious practice. I liked the ideathat one should lead a simple life, be avegetarian, and not harm other livingbeings. This was an idea that ran counterto the American capitalist ideal – whichseemed selfish in comparison – that oneshould make a lot of money and buy a lotof beautiful things.

I began to practice yoga meditation – tothink about the soul, about the Creator,and about helping others. After a fewmonths, I began feeling a new sensation,which I came to identify as happiness. Iwas happy because every day I was doinggood things. Every day, I didn’t feel the lacks and frustrations that come from craving possessions like money andfancy cars.

I also spent a lot of time wanderingaround the Judean desert near Jerusalem,where I would see the beauty of naturethat G-d created. So my belief in G-dbecame very strong. Crediting all this toyoga, I considered going to India for morein-depth study.

My father became alarmed, and when I returned to the US for a short time,

BY RABBI BENZION COHEN B.H.

Chassidic Rabbi

My Story

4 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT March 17, 2021

March 17, 2021 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT 5

JewishEducatorBY AMY HIRSHBERG LEDERMAN

Purim and Passover:A Tale of Two Tables

The experience of celebrating Jewishholidays has been dramatically alteredsince the onset of the pandemic over ayear ago. From solitary Passover Sedersto attending High Holiday services in our pajamas on Zoom, we have tried ourbest to stay connected to tradition despitethe precautions and restrictions COVIDhas required.

On February 26th, we celebrated Purim,with many of us sitting at our kitchentables zooming a Megillah reading while nibbling on hamentashen and sippingschnapps.

The Megillah, Book of Esther 1:1–5,opens with King Ahashveros making anoutlandishly lavish feast (mishteh, inHebrew) for all of his officials, nobles,armies and servants, from the 127provinces over which he reigned. It wasn’tjust a one night affair, either, but a huge,elaborate and decadent festival whichcontinued for 180 days!

The story goes on to tell us that thedrunken King demanded his Queen,Vashti, to appear before him to show offher beauty (and who knows what else),but she refused. Her punishment wasirrevocable banishment and the replace-ment by Esther, the most beautiful of allthe maidens to come before the King.

The King then made Esther’s banquet –a “great feast”called the mishteh gadol – forhis officers and servants. Rather than themishteh described in the Megillah’s open-ing passages, Esther’s feast, by contrast,was much smaller and less opulent.(Esther 2:18)

This seeming contradiction was beauti-fully interpreted by a family friend, the late Dr. Arnold Schonfeld. Perhaps theMegillah is suggesting that it is not thenumber of people or the elaborate natureof how we entertain that defines the significance of an event, but the merit andvalue of those in attendance that give theevent meaning.

This interpretation offers a lovely way toapproach the holiday of Passover during thecontinuing challenges of this pandemic.While we may be cautiously optimisticabout the future now that the vaccine ismore readily available, we must stillremain vigilant to protect the safety andhealth of those dear to us as well as the

general public. The net result will meanthat many, if not most, of our Seders willstill be extremely limited in terms of size,grandeur and numbers of guests.

But, as the Megillah points out, we neednot feel that less is less; rather, we canstrive to create a Seder table where less isactually more. More time to prepare, moreconversation with meaning, and yes, aneven more inclusive Seder with peoplewho under other circumstances would notordinarily be inclined to attend.

We read in the Haggadah about the four sons (although today we speak of thefour children): the wise, the rebellious, thesimple, and the one who is unable to ask.Over 60 years ago, the late Chasidic Rebbe,Rabbi Menachem Schneerson, wrote aseminal Passover letter that expanded thecore purpose of the Seder: to find andinvite the “fifth son”– any man or womanwho is conspicuous by his or her absencefrom the Seder table.

This notion can inform us today by creating an awareness of who is not at thetable. It can also inspire us to invite to ourSeder any person – be it a stranger, friend,co-worker of a family member – who, forwhatever reason, has left the tradition ornever felt a part of it. And oddly enough,COVID has made that not only easier butmore natural.

Many of us will have Zoom Seders forthe second year in a row. But this year,let us not focus on what we may have to forgo – the joy of serving our matzahball soup in person or kvelling up closewhen the youngest child recites the fourquestions or finds the afikomen.

This year, let us instead focus onexpanding our Seders to include a “fifthchild.” Let us employ the frustration,disappointment and fear that COVID has caused as an impetus to bring othersout of isolation and into our homes to bea part of the Seder experience.

Because, if COVID has taught us any-

Helpful Tips for the Seder and Passover March 2021 / Nisan 5781

As we prepare to observe our secondPassover festival during the pandemic,I’m pleased to share with you an updatedversion of last year’s “Helpful Hints for the Seder” Even as our biblical ancestorsobserved the first Pesach in “lock down”asprotection from the raging plagues, andthen were freed, so may we experiencehealing, liberation, and reunion in thenear future.

Even though, because of the unfoldingvaccination program, many will feel freer

to gather for celebration, we urge cautionand observance of appropriate PPE andsocial distancing guidance. The firstPassover is referred to in the Torah as Leil Shimurim, a “Night of Vigil.” Let us celebrate with hopeful vigilance.

May these Guidelines help you findmeaning and joyous satisfaction in this year’sPassover observance. Next year, redeemed.

Preparations:1. Do what you can. Don’t feel badly or

guilty about not doing or keeping every-thing in your customary way. Adjustmentsto the observance of Passover have beenconsidered (allowed) through Jewish history. Keep it familiar, but feel free to improvise.

2. Remember, Passover is the “Festival ofLiberation,”not of bondage or oppression.We are living through (hopefully the endstages of) a certain experience of bondage.Let us find liberating ways of coping withand responding to it.

3. While we have been doing a lot ofcleaning and disinfecting this past year, dowhat works for you in doing away withHametz. Make a contribution to the needyor a food local Bank: here in Indianapolis,like Popsie’s, Gleaners, Maurer Feed theHungry Fund.

4. Search and Biur – Because, this year,Passover (first Seder) begins on Saturdaynight, it is customary to perform the“search”for Hametz on Thursday evening,and do the “Biur” or “burning of the left-over Hametz” on Friday morning (you setaside the Hametz that you will still use forShabbat). Consult a Haggadah for thislovely and memorable opportunity forchildren. Whether or not you perform theritual, you may want to consider: What isit of last year’s accumulation of events,experiences, memories that you want togive up as we enter this festival of springand freedom? What do you carry with you as you seek “to rise”to a new level ofpossibilities and opportunities?

5. Keep your Seder EASY and ENJOY-ABLE. Remember, legumes (kitniot),which Sephardi Jews have always eatenduring the festival, are now consideredkosher for Passover for Ashkenazim as well.Follow your most comfortable practice.

Hopefully, this will be our last social distance Seder. If you want to connect withfamily and don’t have Facebook, Zoom or other social media skills, you may consider just putting a phone on the table.Wish each other love and Gut Yomtov,Chag Samech, Happy Passover! Raise yourfirst cup of wine, and move on, on line or separately.

And remember, Wash hands!!! It’s anold Jewish practice! Gotta hand it to us!

Rabbi Dennis Sasso has been seniorrabbi at Congregation Beth-El Zedeck inIndianapolis for more than 40 years. AAAA

SASSO(continued from page 3)

(see Lederman, page 7)

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6 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT March 17, 2021

my role was to ensure that the decision-making process moved forward construc-tively. “There are two divorces here,” Iroutinely told clients, “the emotionaldivorce and the financial divorce.Your goalis to keep me quiet by staying calm andletting him (pointing to Richard) do thetalking. It is his skills you want to be payingfor, not mine.” If the emotional divorcedominated, I referred them to counseling.

Unfortunately, the volatile nature ofdivorce issues often resulted in one or theother getting emotionally triggered. Theemerging science of the brain has provenwhat your grandmother might have toldyou: you cannot reason when you get mad.Neuroscience has clinically establishedthat when the amygdala, the emotionalcontrol structure of the brain, takes over,the neocortex shuts down. The neocortexcontrols the reasoning capacity of thebrain. The two structures, amygdala andneocortex, cannot “fire” or operate at thesame time.

Angry couples, acting out their frustrationand pain in the mediation room, becametheir own worst enemies. Reasoning anddecision-making became impossible. Itsometimes seemed that the couple wouldrather waste time arguing than gettingdown to business. As a mediator, it was myrole to shut down such acting-out behavior.

To preempt such behavior, early in themediation I would point out, “You stillhave more in common than you have dif-ferences: the need to conserve resourcesfor yourselves and your children. Aftermediation, you need to be able to worktogether for their wellbeing.” Most of ourclients got it; even those without childrenunderstood that working together avoidedundue erosion of their resources.

Many times, couples sadly told us,“If wecould have had this conversation a yearago, we would not be getting a divorce.”Usually, the issue was finances: how topay debts or how much to save, or whatthey needed to buy and what was anextravagance. In addition to money,difficult conversations involved children,substance abuse, intimacy, infidelity, orother topics the couple avoided, some-times for decades.

Perhaps as a penance for midwifing somany divorces, I would like to use myexperience to help couples stay married.The recent phone call from my daughter’sfriend jolted me into realizing, one yearafter our retirement, that I have not yetwritten my planned treatise on how toavoid divorce. Her call prodded me intothinking about how to get started, eventhough it was too late for her.

I have concluded it is far too easy to getmarried and much too difficult to getdivorced. It should be the other wayaround. Priests, rabbis, and other weddingofficiants should require a cooling-offperiod of three to 12 months, from thetime the couple approaches the officiantuntil the wedding. During this time, amandatory six-week “preparation for marriage” curriculum should be required.Coincidentally, three to 12 months is oftenthe amount of time needed for a mediated,cooperative divorce.

The officiant distributes a bibliographyof self-help books on topics like “effectivecommunication for engaged couples” or“trust building exercises for couples” or“how to prevent divorce”or “how to buildlove that lasts.” They should require thatthe couple jointly choose at least two suchbooks, to be read and discussed togetherduring their waiting period.

Rabbis should put up the same barriersto getting married that they do for poten-tial converts to Judaism.“You want to be aJew? Forget about it – it’s too difficult. Doyou really want to give up Christmas?There are so many other ways to live a fulfilled, happy life, without being Jewish.”

“You want to get married? Forget aboutit – it’s too difficult. Do you really want tospend the next 60 or 70 years with the sameperson?”Give up your independence as asingle? There are so many other ways tolive a fulfilled, happy life, without mar-riage. Come back in a year and we’ll talk.”

Marital counseling should be a requiredcomponent of any wedding officiant’slicensure. To renew the license, the officiant must verify s/he has accumulatedthe required hours of continuing educa-tion in couples counseling. Even a justice

BY MIRIAM ZIMMERMAN, ED.D.

“He filed for divorce.”Anxiety and fearsuffused her voice, compelling me to listenattentively. She is a “bestie” of one of mydaughters, ever since they were in middleschool. She called me, knowing that I wasa retired divorce mediator. Unfortunately, Iam too late to help this couple, alreadywell along a trajectory to a complete dissolution of their marriage.“Dissolution”is the California term for “divorce.”

At the start of the new millennium, Ijoined my attorney-CPA husband inestablishing Divorce Mediation Group. Weprovided team mediation for divorcingcouples. As a neutral attorney, Richardclarified the often-complex Californiadivorce law, without provoking defensivelegal responses in either party.

His CPA skills translated pages,occasionally boxes, of clients’ financialinformation into a single spreadsheet,including three columns: his, hers, ours.Only the “ours” or “community property”column gets divided equally in California.Stock options required a separate spread-sheet analysis. When couples saw all theirassets and debts on one or two pages,organized accordingly, they could easilyfigure out how to share their resourcesand pay their debts. Empowered by thisapproach, the couple was able to makedecisions together, without undue conflict.A spreadsheet as a conflict resolutiontool? Who knew!

If, per agreement, the allocation to oneparty was greater than that of the other,then the party with more net assets owedthe other an “equalizing distribution.”Thispayment nullified the effect of one gettingthe beat-up SUV and the other getting theFerrari. In this manner, each could walkaway with half the total net value of thecommunity property.

As a retired professor of communication,

Staying Married –For Better or Worse

(see Zimmerman, page 7)

ConflictManager

March 17, 2021 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT 7to me that old-fashioned commitmentneeds to be revived and redefined.

As someone in a 52-year marriage, Ibelieve commitment works best whentaken for granted by both parties.Recently, we zoomed with old friends,both retired university professors. “Nowthat you’ve retired from your divorcemediation practice,” David asked, “fromyour experience, what would you say isthe single biggest cause of divorce?”

“When one spouse can no longer standthe other,”I answered, with a straight face.All four of us laughed. This couple celebrated their 50th wedding anniversarylast year, during the pandemic, on Zoom.We have known one another since we carpooled our now adult children to religious school, in the 1980’s and 1990’s.

I compared the two couples in my mind– long term marriage vs. an early divorcefor my daughter’s friend. Both coupleshave two children. All four were highlyeducated. Our friends each have a PhD;the younger couple has a law degree andat least two masters’ degrees betweenthem. Education in and of itself is not apredictor of whether or not a couple willstay married. That said, I remember casesin which one party had an advanceddegree and the other a high school diploma.During those mediations, I often foundmyself silently wondering of the moreeducated person,“What were you thinking?”

Over the years, we often heard David’squestion in different words: what is thecommon denominator of divorce? There isno single answer to this question. In ourexperience, there are too many “external,”unique environmental factors; and toomany “internal” factors, unique to eachcouple, to come up with a single, overridingcause of divorce.

That said, I cannot stress enough theneed for couples to deal with problems asthey arise. Ignoring them until they eruptinto an uncontrolled torrent of anger andoverpowering emotion can propel thehapless couple to an unnecessary divorce.The easy-going spouse who sucks it up for

of the peace can require a waiting periodand meet with the couple in advance.

In addition to pre-marital instruction,there should be required post-maritalworkshops. Health officials encourageannual check-ups for our physical health;similarly, why can’t officiants require periodic post-nuptial check-ups to ensuremarital health?

Married couples promise to stay married“for better or for worse.”Officiants need tomake “for worse”clear and understandable,complete with concrete examples. Includedin a couple’s pre-nuptial curriculumshould be tools to identify and cope with“for worse.”

One pattern we recognized early in ourpractice was how easy it is for couples togrow apart, especially after the birth of the first child. The mom becomesimmersed in childcare, the all-consumingdemands of a newborn infant. She neverlets go of the intensity of this role, evenwhen the children are no longer newborns. Boundary issues? She oftenchooses to remain a stay-at-home mom,sometimes a unilateral decision withadverse financial repercussions. The husband becomes irrelevant, intimacydecreases, infidelity might ensue. Identitycrisis? If so, whose? Perhaps both, as theparties cease to function as a marital unit.

Understanding the stressors of child-rearing can be included in the prenuptialtoolkit. Since there is no “one size fits all,”couples should agree, before the first childarrives, how to cope with any stressorsand strategies to retain the “coupleness”oftheir marriage.

It is normal for a relationship to evolvenot only as the children arrive, but also asthe parties grow and mature in their love.As the honeymoon feelings of passion andfervor abate, the trick is to replace themwith feelings of respect and ongoingdemonstrations of appreciation. Theyshould applaud each other’s growth, notimpede it. It helps if the couple can consciously create common interests.Couples should still enjoy each other’scompany, even if they cannot enjoy eachother’s new pursuits (or friends).

Strangely, some younger couplesseemed to know in the beginning that themarriage was doomed to fail. They wouldtell us,“We knew that if it didn’t work out,we could always get a divorce.” I have concluded two societal factors are at worktoday. Young couples are accustomed tothe instant gratification our technology-saturated society provides. In addition, thestigma of divorce has been so reduced thatit is easy for young couples to think,“If Ihit a roadblock, I’m out of there.”It seems

five or ten years (sometimes even longer),unable to express any anger, hurt, or frustration experienced in the marriage,becomes too laden with the toxicity of “lava.”

He or she eventually will blow up in rageand fury, with the predictable outcome,the demise of the marriage. We called it,“Vesuvius eruptus,” the volcanic eruptiondescribing such a spouse. It is a pattern we saw over and over again. That spousewas almost always conflict averse.Unfortunately, many, if not most of us,do not learn conflict resolution skills while growing up in our families or inschool. Learning such skills in advance ofthe wedding could help couples avoidsuch a scenario.

Our work with divorcing couples hasbeen rewarding, despite witnessing somuch pain. We saw some of the best peo-ple during the worst moments of theirlives. I accept our role in facilitatingdivorce for two decades. However, thealternative to a constructive, mediateddivorce can be years of costly litigation,with high emotional costs to both parties,as well as to their children. We helped ourcouples get through the divorce experi-ence and move on with their lives, withmaximum dignity and self-esteem. I lookforward to writing, in this space, insightsthat I learned during those twenty years.In this way, I hope to do penance for mymany years of midwifing divorce.

Dr. Miriam Zimmerman is professoremerita at Notre Dame de NamurUniversity (NDNU) in Belmont, Calif.,where she taught the Holocaust course for 25 years. She is changing hats for now and writing instead about her 20 years ofmediation experience. She can be reached atmimzim@aol.com. AAAA

ZIMMERMAN(continued from page 6)

thing, it is this: none of us should beforced to be alone, especially when welong to be a part of something meaningfuland share our stories with others. As theHaggadah itself proclaims: “Let all who arehungry, come and eat; all who are in need,come and celebrate the Passover with us.”

In this way, COVID can be a touchstoneto inspire us to let all who are hungry forinclusion, partnership, sharing and rela-tionship, whether near or far, be wel-comed to join our Seder table.

Amy Hirshberg Lederman is an author,Jewish educator, public speaker and attorneywho lives in Tucson. Her columns in the AJPhave won awards from the American JewishPress Association, the Arizona NewspapersAssociation and the Arizona Press Club forexcellence in commentary. Visit her website atamyhirshberglederman.com. AAAA

LEDERMAN(continued from page 5)

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8 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT March 17, 2021

Welcome to the month of Nissan,which began March 13, 2021 at sunset.Nissan is the month to leave your personallimitations and limiting beliefs, and moveto greater freedom love and joy. Thismonth the Jewish people were redeemedfrom Egypt, and it will be the month in thefuture when the final redemption will takeplace. In every Nissan there is the hopeand expectation that something new andwonderful will happen within you and for you.

Nissan is also called Chodesh Ha’Aviv,the month of Spring. The scent of springin the air makes us aware of new lifeemerging in nature and reminds us to payattention to the new energies stirringwithin us as well. There is a heavenlyinflux of grace and compassion this monththat enables us to go forward in our lives.

Nissan is all about being open to newness and not being bound to the past.As we experience more of our intrinsicattachment to the Infinite Light and Loveof the Creator, we can more easily let go oflimiting and reactive ego states of con-sciousness and behaviors that keep uslimited and fearful. No longer stuckrepeating old patterns of behavior, we arefree to make new choices in our life.Freedom is discovered in the presentmoment, in our awareness and connec-tion with the Divine.

This month is all about going forward inlife, so do not hold yourself hostage to thepast. Let go of feelings of regret, resent-ment, and disappointment. These feelingsdo not support your ability to go forwardand keep you only tied to the past. By substituting faith for fear, we can let go ofthe need to control what is not in ourpower to control.

Faith is a higher level of knowing hard-wired into the core of our being. When we give ourselves time to meditate andpray each day, our consciousness is liftedupward to greater awareness of God andthe love, peace and joy that is ourbirthright. And we can hear the gentle andloving guidance of our very own soul.

Prior to the holiday of Passover, manyJews search and clean their physical houseof chometz. Ideally people also engage atthe same time in the process of cleaningtheir inner home of their heart, soul and

mind. Chometz is associated with pride,negativity and whatever does not allowone to be in the moment. As we removeand release our personal negativity symbolized by chometz, we become opento receive positive energy, allowing theflow of newness in our lives.

During the month of Nissan, let’s spendmore time in the awareness and gratitudethat every moment is a Divine gift. God is sustaining and animating each of us and everything in creation moment bymoment. No matter what is happeningexternally, the world is filled with the gloryand presence of God. We each live in themidst of God, so God is always with us.We are not limited by our past, we are notvictims. Life itself is a miracle and everyday is filled with big and small miracles.

Melinda Ribner, L.C.S.W. is also theauthor of Everyday Kabbalah, KabbalahMonth by Month and New Age Judaism,and The Secret Legacy of Biblical Women: Revealing the Divine Feminine.Internationally known for her pioneeringwork in kabbalistic meditation and healing,she is also a spiritual psychotherapist and for more than 30 years has used kabbalisticwisdom as part of treatment. She offers a freenewsletter on meditation, healing, kabbalisticenergies of the months, holidays, and more. www.kabbalahoftheheart.com. Email:Beitmiriam@msn.com. AAAA

Kabbalahof the MonthBY MELINDA RIBNER

Nissan – GreaterFreedom, Love, Joy

BY JIM SHIPLEY

Shesh Shesh TeshaIn 1968 Rachel and I made our very first

trip to Israel. I have told the story of thattrip and what it meant to us. On the flightback to the United States, we confirmedthe promise we had made to Adi Ben Orr,our guide in Israel: That we would sendour children (toddlers at the time) to meettheir Israeli cousins.

And so, it came to pass. As each Shipleykid graduated from high school they spentat least the first six weeks of that summervacation in Israel. And remember – this isa generation before the Gap Year conceptwas invented. The effect on each of thekids was different – as it should be.

Tracy was affected enough so that shehas lived in Israel for the better part of 40 years. Tom went to college in Israel,joined the Israeli Army – Special Forces.Robin went to six weeks of college at themountain top campus of a school set upspecifically for American kids – and met

her eventual husband there. The effect onAdam our youngest was less, but affirmedhis Judaism.

In Tom’s case, as is normal in almost anySpecial Forces Veteran – in the U.S. as wellas in Israel – you never really leave theservice in your memory, your attitude andyour thinking.Tom has been a loyal veteranof his service in the Division called SheshShesh Tesha: Six Six Nine.

Unit 669 is the Israeli Defense Force’selite combat, search and rescue unit,tasked with extraction, recovery and medical treatment of injured soldiers,combat pilots and civilians. Like most special force units in every nation, theynever really leave the Unit. They stay intouch with each other and meet whenthey can to catch up and reminisce. Themembers of 669 are no different. Althoughin Tom’s case it has been almost 40 years,the guys still stay in touch with each other.

Matter of fact, they have created a formal association that now holds a charity event on a yearly basis. The moneythey raise goes towards charities in Israeland especially for those veterans of theIsraeli Army with PTSD and other ailments. At this annual “Gala” they seeold friends and buddies, reminisce overtimes past, and pass on the tradition bycontributing to worthy causes.

The “Alumni Event”this year was virtualand took place on January 31st. If you goto this link: (www.afu669.org) you canlearn about the Unit. Contribute...it willmake you part of the history of Israel – anda mensch.

On the website you will read about themembers who have become involved inthe work of the Unit after service. It isamazing yet predicable how many youngmen have gone on to become mature,outstanding leaders in their various after-service enterprises.

Jim Shipley has had careers in broadcasting,distribution, advertising, and telecommuni-cations. He began his working life in radio in Philadelphia. He has written his JP&Ocolumn for more than 20 years. (Columnsubmitted January 2021.) AAAA

ShipleySpeaks

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are generations of family pictures on thewall and references to the YiddishistWorkmen’s Circle and to Israel. One of themother’s first acts in this movie is to lightShabbat candles.

Leonard’s dad Reuben (Moni Moshonov)is in the process of selling his laundrybusiness to a man named Michael Cohen(Bob Ari). The Cohens are invited toShabbat dinner. Leonard’s parents requestthat he join them at dinner, informing himthat the Cohens are bringing their daughter.

The Cohen daughter, Sandra (VinessaShaw), is straightforward and beautifuland family-minded, bright, responsibleand productive. She likes the way Lennyinteracts with her younger brother whowill be celebrating bar mitzvah soon. Shetells him that she loved the way he onceasked his mother to dance with him in thestore. Comfortable in her presence, heshares his hope of becoming a professional,artisanal photographer. His father hadalready mentioned his talent, and herfather suggested that she look atLeonard’s photographs with the hope thatLenny might take classic black and whitephotos at the bar mitzvah ceremony.

From the start, Sandra makes an irre-sistible impression on Lenny, though hejilts her more than once. Upon first seeinghis photographs, she comments that thereare no people in them. She is definitely apeople-oriented person, sensitive to theneeds and the weaknesses – and strengths– of others. She comments that she likesthe Sound of Music not so much for thefilm but because the family always watchesit together. Soon after meeting, she con-nects with him in every way. If she has anyflaw at all, it is that she seems to dismissred flags out of hand.

Lenny has no problem confiding fully inSandra. He tells her that he suffered abreakdown after his fiancee left him

because “we both” tested positive for TaySachs. Her parents stepped in and madesure that the engagement was broken.The writers underscore the irony of aJewish relationship being dissolvedbecause of a nasty “Jewish”disease, resultingin the collateral damage of exacerbatedmental illness.

The complexity and suspense of thisfilm rest in the depiction of Lenny’s crush,Michelle (Gweneth Paltrow), a blondGentile neighbor to whom he is attracted.She lets him know that she is in love with a married man who is paying for her apartment. She works in a law firmwhere she is content with being an “assis-tant for life.”

When Michelle briefly stops into theapartment to meet Lenny’s parents, she isimpressed with the family photos on thewalls and with the bookshelves, thoughshe cites A.D.H.D. as her excuse for notbeing a reader and for maintaining a certain level of (voluntary?) shallowness.

The writers emphasize Michelle’s unfamiliarity with things Jewish by havingher ask what “those things” – Chanukahdreidels – are. There is something disingenuous, however, about their havingher query about dreidels. For the marriedman for whom Michelle consistently pines is named Blatt (Elias Koteas), andprobably is Jewish. Hence, another lessthan perfect Jewish family, in which, it isrelated, there are children.

At one point, Michelle wants Leonard tojoin Blatt and her at a restaurant in orderto offer his take on Blatt’s intentions – or isshe creating some kind of manipulativescenario. (Was this a case of one Jew being enlisted to adjudge another?) WhileMichelle is in the powder room, the controlling Mr. Blatt asks Leonard to keepeye on her so she doesn’t fall back intodrug addiction. He tells Leonard that helooks like he has a nice heart, adding thatLeonard reminds him of his son.

Lenny is cut a lot of slack by his parentsand even by Sandra and her parents.Sandra’s dad, who can be crass, sensesthat Lenny is flawed but never slams thedoor. He asks Leonard bluntly if Leonardplans to mess things up. But Mr. Cohendoesn’t let his concerns become a dealbreaker. Leonard qualifies as a son-in-lawby the merit of his parents, by the given of his background, by ties of culture andbusiness that can be reinforced. Cohenseems to know that he cannot guaranteewhat decisions his daughter or younger sonmight make in the future, and that Leonardcan ensure some cultural continuity.

Suspecting his infatuation withMichelle, Leonard’s parents walk oneggshells and their gentle restraint is notlost on Lenny.When his mother catches him

MediaWatchBY RABBI ELLIOT B. GERTEL

Two Lovers Depicts the Jewish Community as Redemptive

After pointing to challenges to Jewisheducation by Seth Rogen’s film, AnAmerican Pickle, and by his commentswhile promoting it, (ejewishphilanthropy.com/seth-rogen-american-pickle-and-jewish-education), I pondered whetherthere was an inter-generational film thatdepicts the Jewish family and Jewish communal organizations and even theAmerican Jewish-Israel connection asredemptive for troubled Jews of our time. Icould think of only one, and a very offbeatone at that: Two Lovers (2008). Though itnever has its principal characters visit aJewish Family Service, it could providesome encouragement and inspiration tothe personnel of such organizations, andto all Jewish families and organizations.

Two Lovers does not paint its Jewishfamilies as perfect (far from it), but it maywell be the most redemptive film withJewish themes ever made. It suggests thatthe Jewish family and community have theresources to bring healing to, and by, itsmembers, especially when those membersare flawed.

Writer/director James Gray with RichardMenello introduces us to lead characterLeonard (Lenny) Kraditor, unforgettablyplayed by Joaquin Phoenix, as he jumpsoff a bridge into Sheepshead Bay, in anobvious suicide attempt, and then paddlesup and denies that he jumped. Bystandersare riled by his actions and even more byhis denials.

We soon learn that Leonard lives with hisparents and works at his father’s laundrybusiness. His parents have managed togive him structure and freedom, andunderstand the possible consequences of trying to smother him, to boss him,or to overprotect him. His mother Ruth(Isabella Rossellini) suspects that he has“tried again” – that is, has attempted suicide as before. His parents live with thetension that their only child is vulnerableto breakdown at any moment.

One comes to admire Leonard’s parentsfor their dignity, grace, and warmth underuncertainty. Sometimes those qualities areapparent in Leonard, as well. The film suggests that those qualities are groundedin a sense of tradition and of family. There (see Gertel, page 10)

March 17, 2021 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT 9

10 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT March 17, 2021

and shape into balls about 1-1/2 inches(4cm) diameter and place onto a plate.

When the soup cooking time is complete, let the pot sit to naturallyrelease the pressure for 30 minutes and aslong as 2 hours. Turn the steam releasehandle to the Venting position. PressCancel and open the lid. Let cool. Taste the soup and add more salt or pepper ifnecessary. Strain through a large sieve intoa large container or other pot. Let cool.

If you are saving the soup as stock, placeinto containers in two-, four-, or six-cup(473ml, 1 liter, or 1.5 liters) amounts andlabel to use or freeze.

If serving as soup, strain the soup.Separate out 3 cups (710ml) of soup andset aside. Press Sauté to bring the soup toa boil. Add the matzoh balls and pressCancel. Secure the lid, ensuring that thesteam release handle is in the Sealingposition. Press the Pressure Cook buttonand set the cooking time for 15 minutes.When the cooking is complete, allow thepot to sit for 10 minutes to naturallyrelease the pressure. Turn the steamrelease handle to the Venting position torelease any additional pressure, andremove the lid. Return the reserved soupto the pot and press Warm to warm thesoup. Serve the soup with the matzoh balls.

Reprinted with permission from TheInstant Pot Kosher Cookbook Text ©2020Paula Shoyer. Published by SterlingEpicure. Photography by Bill Milne.

Sybil Kaplan is a journalist, lecturer,book reviewer, food writer and compiler/ edi-tor of nine cookbooks including, What’sCooking at Hadassah College. She and herlate husband, Barry, came to live inJerusalem in 2008, where she leads walks inEnglish in Machaneh Yehudah, the Jewishproduce market. AAAA

graces. He is not bent on suicide; he wantsto be redeemed. He is not dismissive of his saving network. There is a sense thatwhile he could be headed for disaster, heis not doomed. His breakdown was partchemical and part circumstantial, but withSandra’s talent for connecting, his parent’sefforts and a sustaining community, hemay flourish.

Rabbi Elliot Gertel has been spiritualleader of congregations in New Haven andChicago. He is the author of two books,What Jews Know About Salvation andOver the Top Judaism: Precedents andTrends in the Depiction of Jewish Beliefsand Observances in Film and Television.He has been media critic for The NationalJewish Post & Opinion for more than 40years. AAAA

KAPLAN/RECIPES(continued from page 12)

sneaking off for an anticipated elopementwith Michelle, Lenny acts like a sweet lit-tle boy running away from home. Hismother reassures: “Come back here when-ever you want. We want you to be happy.”

Sandra also cuts him every slack.Noticing scars on his hand from a suicideattempt, she tells him that she wants totake care of him. She promises him thatshe appreciates that he doesn’t pretend tobe something he’s not. She tells him thathe doesn’t have to be embarrassed aroundher. She says she understands him. Shehas gifted him a pair of gloves, as if fore-telling that the signs of past self-destruc-tiveness can be covered and overcome.

It would seem that Lenny is more affectedby Sandra’s words and actions than herealizes. He tries to use them on Michelle.He shares with Michelle more detailsabout his rebuff by his fiancée and herparents than with Sandra: about how hetried to hurt himself when he could notfind his fiancée, that he didn’t think he’dever love anyone again. He does this toemphasize that he understands Michelleand will never walk away. EchoingSandra’s words to him, he comfortsMichelle: “You deserve to be loved.”

Of course, Lenny cannot be Sandra. Butdoes Lenny come to an awareness that heowes it to Sandra not to do to her whathas been done to him, especially becauseSandra is so good at what she does andhas had such a saving influence on him?That question lingers at the film’s end.

There is no stereotyping of Jews (or ofGentiles) in this film – not of any of theJewish parents, not of the young Jewishmale. (Lenny has unique issues.) Lennydoes fall back on some Jewish (and general)anxieties when it suits him. But there doesseem to be a conscious effort on the partof the writers not to make Lenny’s parents“too Jewish,” even though Jewish tradi-tions, lineage and practices are importanthere. Much attention is given to theirobservance of Thanksgiving and of NewYear’s Eve, though Lenny’s dad does linkNew Year’s Eve to Rosh Hashanah. A NewYear’s Eve celebration has a lot to do withLenny’s redemption – or with his decisionto be redeemed or redeemable.

The Jewish men and women are treatedrespectfully here – except perhaps theadulterer Blatt. As for Lenny, he is two-timing Sandra, but concedes that he istroubled. True, the young Jewish womandoes all the giving in the relationship, andfeminists could understandably objectthat Sandra is being exploited by themovie’s plot. But in Sandra the film paystribute to the biblical women who riskbetrayal and exploitation and censure by

using their skills and graces to preservethe Jewish family and people. Because ofSandra, Judaism comes across as a civiliza-tion (to borrow Mordecai Kaplan’s word)that sustains its own. This film’s Jewishworld may wound (as did Lenny’s firstfiancée and her parents), but it also pro-vides a needed framework for healing.

Yes, there is a suggestion here thatLeonard lives mainly in the confinedworld of his parents’ apartment. But hisroom does hold the promise of his becom-ing a photographer. The rest of the apart-ment is surprisingly spacious, and itshorizons expand considerably throughmemorabilia that extend back many generations and that reach to Israel, hisdad’s birthplace. With the Cohen familyvisit, vistas of livelihood, love, ties, tradi-tion open to Leonard in that “narrow”home. He has been raised to appreciatethe ties that family and tradition can pro-vide. He knows that his mother’s brother,Uncle Tobias, introduced his parents.Seemingly cramped ethnic spaces canexpand one’s world.

Tellingly, Leonard’s encounters withMichelle are in the most cramped places –the apartment building courtyard, the roof,a subway car, a crowded restaurant, even afive-star hotel corridor (and lobby) thatwould reduce him to a stalker. Leonard is at his worst in the most expansive locations. The outside world wounds anddisrupts, undermining his sense of home.

When, at the film’s end, Lenny heads tothe bridge again, it is Sandra’s gift ofgloves that saves him and brings himhome. But Leonard has his own saving

GERTEL(continued from page 9)

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Spielberg awarded2021 Genesis prize

The annual $1 million award recognizesfilm director, producer, and philanthropistSteven Spielberg for his outstandingachievement as one the most influentialfilmmakers in the history of cinema; hissocial activism and prolific philanthropy;and his principled stance against anti-Semitism and all forms of intolerance. ThePrize also recognizes his extraordinary workto preserve the memory of the Holocaustand prevent future genocides throughfilm, public advocacy and philanthropy.

For the first time in the history of theGenesis Prize, the voice of global Jewrywas a major factor in Laureate selection.Two hundred thousand Jews on six conti-nents cast their votes; millions moreengaged on social media. While the PrizeCommittee had the ultimate discretionabout the selection of the recipient, thefact Spielberg received the most votes wasa major determining factor. AAAA

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March 17, 2021 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT 11

This Passover, help us make it possible to celebrate another kind of freedom.

Freedom from a pandemic.

Photo by Yonatan Sindel/Flash90

As the coronavirus pandemic continues to rage around the world, there’s reason for hope.And no country has o�ered more hope for what life might be like again than Israel, whichhas led the world in immunizing its people.

Magen David Adom, Israel’s paramedic and Red Cross service, has played a major rolein this success. MDA has treated tens of thousands of stricken Israelis, administeredCovid tests to more than 4 million, and vaccinated Israel’s most vulnerable populations,including all its nursing home residents.

When you support Magen David Adom, your gift has animmediate impact in helping Israelis — today and every day.Make a gift today. Pesach kasher v’sameach.

afmda.org/passover

12 The Jewish Post & Opinion – NAT March 17, 2021

1389 W 86th St. #160Indianapolis, IN 46260

OpinionPost&The Jewish

PRESORTEDSTANDARD

US POSTAGEPAID

INDIANAPOLIS, INPERMIT NO. 1321

KosherKitchen

Expert RecipesHigh in Flavor

The Instant Pot Kosher Cookbook byPaula Shoyer, Sterling Publishing, $22.95paperback, 224 pp. March 9, 2021

Paula Shoyer is a very talented, creativecookbook author(The New PassoverMenu, The HolidayKosher Baker, TheKosher Baker andThe Healthy JewishKitchen) based inChevy Chase, Md.

On a trip toIsrael, a few yearsago, I had the pleasure of accompanyingher through Jerusalem’s produce market,Machaneh Yehudah. She has a French pastry degree from the Ritz Escoffier pastry program in Paris and teachesFrench and Jewish baking classes in theWashington, D.C. area.

The Instant Pot allows for short cookingtime in a modern appliance, similar to thepressure cooker, and is “the official InstantPot cookbook.”

“Instant Pot Cooking is the New FastFood for Kosher People,”she writes in herintroduction.“Jewish food and the IP are anatural fit….With the IP, recipes that usedto take hours are now ready in a fractionof the time.”

Six reasons why “everyone Would Loveto Have an Instant Pot”: it’s fast, easiercleanup, less cooking effort, more nutritious, kitchen stays cooler and smells stay inside, uses less energy andless water.

Since the food only touches the innerpot and the lid, can you use this appliancefor both dairy and meat? By the time youbuy a second inner pot and lid, the cost isthe same as buying an entirely separate IP.Paula recommends having two. The innerpot and lid may be submerged in water tobe toiveled.

Chapters include: Breakfast and Brunch;Salads, Dips and Appetizers; Soups; MeatMains; Vegetarian Mains; Side Dishes; andDesserts – a total of 100 recipes accompa-nied by 63 color photographs.

Is your interest Jewish? matza breibrulee, gefilte loaf, stuffed cabbage andkasha varnishkes are there. Israeli? Try thefamiliar Moroccan carrot salad, hummus,orange shakshuka, Persian lamb and herb

REVIEWED BY SYBIL KAPLAN

stew. International ideas for experimentinginclude Thai red curry fish, French onionsoup puree with shredded short ribs,Swedish meatballs, Peruvian spiced chicken.If you want special recipes for RoshHashanah, Thanksgiving, Chanukah,Purim, Passover, and Shavuot, you will finduseful suggestions.

Every recipe has introductory remarks, myfavorite characteristic. Although instruc-tions are not numbered (another favorite),ingredients are boldly listed. This is a bookof expertly developed recipes, high in flavor and with great textures for thekosher cook today.

Classic Chicken Soup with Herbed Matzoh Balls(Serves 8–10; Makes 10-3/4 cups, 2.5 liters, of soup)

Hands-On Time: 12 Minutes; Time toPressure: 30–33 Minutes; Cooking Time:45 Minutes; Buttons to Use: Sauté andPressure Cook; Release Type: NaturalRelease for 30 Minutes to 2 hours;Advance Prep: May be made 3 days inadvance or frozen.

Matzoh Balls Time to Pressure: 8 Minutes; Cooking

Time: 15 Minutes; Button to Use: PressureCook; Release Type: Natural Release for 10 Minutes; Advance Prep: Batter may bemade 1 day in advance.

Soup 1 whole chicken, cut into quarters1 large onion, quartered2 carrots, peeled and cut into quarters2 stalks celery, cut in half crosswise4 cloves garlic, peeled2-inch (5cm) chunk of fresh ginger 2 parsnips, peeled and cut in half1 fennel bulb, quartered1/2 cup (40g) sliced shiitake

mushrooms, about 4 large1 cup (25g) Italian parsley leaves 1 cup (25g) fresh dill 2 bay leaves 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1 tablespoon black peppercorns 1 teaspoon mustard seeds 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds 7 cups (1.7 liters) water or

to the maximum fill line

Matzoh Balls 4 large eggs 3 tablespoons oil 2 tablespoons chopped herbs,

such as a combination of parsley,thyme, and dill

1-1/2 teaspoons kosher salt pinch white pepper 1/3 cup (79ml) seltzer 1 cup (127g) matzoh meal

Place the chicken pieces into the innerpot. Add the onions, carrots, celery, garlic,ginger, parsnip, fennel, mushrooms,parsley, dill, bay leaves, salt, peppercorns,mustard seeds, fennel seeds, cumin seeds,and water.

Secure the lid, ensuring that the steamrelease handle is in the Sealing position.Press the Pressure Cook button and setthe cooking time for 45 minutes.

To make the matzoh balls, place theeggs, oil, herbs, salt, pepper, and seltzerinto a large bowl and whisk together. Addthe matzoh meal and whisk well. Coverloosely with plastic and place into thefridge for at least 1 hour. Wet your hands

(see Kaplan/recipes, page 10)