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Power Point ReferencePower Point Reference

This slide show was This slide show was created by created by

Donald Kachur Donald Kachur Professor Emeritus Professor Emeritus

of Education, of Education, Illinois State Illinois State UniversityUniversity

309/824-4561309/824-4561

[email protected]@ilstu.edu

You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…

you want to slug the next you want to slug the next person who says to you, person who says to you,

““Must be nice to work 8 a.m. Must be nice to work 8 a.m. to 3:20 p.m. and have to 3:20 p.m. and have

summers off!summers off!””

Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?

Half the people you know Half the people you know

are below average. are below average.

Look around you!Look around you!

What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!

WRINKLESWRINKLES

Something other people Something other people have. You have character have. You have character

lines.lines.

HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!

Accept that some days Accept that some days youyou’’re the pigeon, and some re the pigeon, and some

days youdays you’’re the statue.re the statue.

Puns and FunPuns and Fun

A manA man’’s home is his castle, s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.in a manor of speaking.


when out in public you feel when out in public you feel the urge to snap your the urge to snap your

fingers at children you do fingers at children you do not know and correct their not know and correct their

behavior.behavior.


What was the best thing What was the best thing before sliced bread?before sliced bread?

A play on words?A play on words?

A man rushed into a busy A man rushed into a busy doctordoctor’’s office and shouted, s office and shouted,

““Doctor! I think IDoctor! I think I’’m shrinking!m shrinking!”” The doctor calmly responded, The doctor calmly responded, ““Now, settle down. YouNow, settle down. You’’ll just ll just

have to be a little patient!have to be a little patient!””


When everythingWhen everything’’s coming s coming your way, you may be in the your way, you may be in the

wrong lane.wrong lane.


Does the name Pavlov Does the name Pavlov

ring a bell?ring a bell?


Why is it that doctors Why is it that doctors

call what they do call what they do

““practicepractice””??


you believe that you believe that unspeakable evils will befall unspeakable evils will befall

you if anyone says, you if anyone says, ““Boy, Boy, the kids sure are mellow the kids sure are mellow

today!today!””

A funny storyA funny story

I went to buy some I went to buy some camouflage trousers the camouflage trousers the

other day but I couldnother day but I couldn’’t find t find any!any!


Why canWhy can’’t they make t they make

the whole plane out of the whole plane out of

what they make the what they make the

black box?black box?


When two egotists meet, When two egotists meet,

itit’’s an I for an I.s an I for an I.

HereHere’’s a thought! s a thought!

We could learn a lot from We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, crayons. Some are sharp,

some are pretty and some are some are pretty and some are dull…some have weird names dull…some have weird names and all are different colors, but and all are different colors, but

they all have to live in the they all have to live in the same box.same box.

A funny story!A funny story!

With all the sadness and trauma going on With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth in the world at the moment, it is worth

reflecting on the death of a very important reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed person, which almost went unnoticed recently. Larry LaPrise, the man who recently. Larry LaPrise, the man who

wrote wrote ““The Hokey Pokey,The Hokey Pokey,”” died peacefully died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his at age 93. The most traumatic part for his

family was getting him into the coffin. They family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble put his left leg in. And then the trouble

started.started.


you canyou can’’t have children t have children because therebecause there’’s no name s no name you could give a child that you could give a child that

wouldnwouldn’’t bring on high blood t bring on high blood pressure the moment you pressure the moment you

heard it uttered.heard it uttered.


Why is a person Why is a person

who invests money who invests money

called a called a ““brokerbroker””??


A truly happy, optimistic A truly happy, optimistic person is one who can person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a enjoy the scenery on a

detour.detour.


What hair color do they put What hair color do they put on the driveron the driver’’s licenses of s licenses of

bald men?bald men?


SECRETSECRET

Something you tell to one Something you tell to one person at a time.person at a time.


The teacher asked little Johnny if he The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. knows his numbers. ““Yes,Yes,”” he said. he said. ““I do. I do.

My father taught me.My father taught me.”” ““Good! What comes after three?Good! What comes after three?”” ““Four,Four,”” answers the boy. answers the boy. ““What comes after six?What comes after six?”” ““Seven.Seven.”” ““Very good,Very good,”” says the teacher. says the teacher. ““Your dad did a good job. What comes Your dad did a good job. What comes

after ten?after ten?””““A Jack!A Jack!”” replies the little boy. replies the little boy.


You may be only one person You may be only one person in the world, but you may in the world, but you may also be the world to one also be the world to one

person.person.


A boiled egg in the morning A boiled egg in the morning

is hard to beat!is hard to beat!


meeting a childmeeting a child’’s parent s parent instantly answers the instantly answers the

question, question, ““Why is this kid Why is this kid like this?like this?””


Why do croutons come in Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Arenairtight packages? Aren’’t t they just stale bread to they just stale bread to

begin with?begin with?


Why do drive-up ATMs Why do drive-up ATMs

have Braille have Braille

on the keypad?on the keypad?


you know you are in for a you know you are in for a major project when a parent major project when a parent says, says, ““I have a great idea II have a great idea I’’d d

like to discuss with you. I like to discuss with you. I think it would be such fun!think it would be such fun!””


Why is a person who plays Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a but a person who drives a

racecar is not called a racecar is not called a racist?racist?

Something to ponder!Something to ponder!

Did you know that the words Did you know that the words ““race carrace car”” spelled backwards spelled backwards

still spells still spells ““race carrace car””??

Brain TeaserBrain Teaser

Why canWhy can’’t a man living in t a man living in the U.S. be buried in the U.S. be buried in

Canada?Canada?

We normally donWe normally don’’t bury people who t bury people who are still alive.are still alive.

Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?

Why donWhy don’’t you see the t you see the headline—Psychic Wins headline—Psychic Wins

Lottery?Lottery?


Why do we leave cars worth Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in a thousands of dollars in a

driveway and put our driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?useless junk in the garage?


Acupuncture is a jab Acupuncture is a jab

well done!well done!


you think caffeine you think caffeine

should be available in should be available in intravenous form.intravenous form.


How come we choose from How come we choose from just 2 people for president just 2 people for president

and from 50 for Miss and from 50 for Miss America?America?

Words to think about!Words to think about!

Did you know that Did you know that ““eateat”” is is the only word, that if you the only word, that if you

take the first letter and move take the first letter and move it to the last, spells its past it to the last, spells its past

tense, tense, ““ateate””??


A bus station is where a bus A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is stops, a train station is

where a train stops, and on where a train stops, and on my desk I have a work my desk I have a work

station, so…station, so…


Why do they use Why do they use

sterilized needles sterilized needles

for lethal injections?for lethal injections?


Why is transporting Why is transporting something by car, it is called something by car, it is called

a shipment; but when you a shipment; but when you transport something by ship, transport something by ship,

it is called cargo?it is called cargo?


Why do we drive on Why do we drive on parkways and park on parkways and park on

driveways?driveways?


Is a turtle with no shell Is a turtle with no shell homeless or naked?homeless or naked?

DonDon’’t you just wonder?t you just wonder?

While attending a Marriage Seminar While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor. wife Grace listened to the instructor. ““It is It is essential that husbands and wives know essential that husbands and wives know

each othereach other’’s likes and dislikes.s likes and dislikes.”” He He addressed the man and asked, addressed the man and asked, ““Can you Can you name your wifename your wife’’s favorite flower?s favorite flower?”” Tom Tom

leaned over, touched his wifeleaned over, touched his wife’’s are gently s are gently and whispered, and whispered, ““ItIt’’s Pillsbury, isns Pillsbury, isn’’t it?t it?””


He who laughs last thinks He who laughs last thinks the slowest.the slowest.


Do Lipton Tea employees Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?take coffee breaks?


If Fed Ex and UPS were to If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it merge, would they call it

Fed UP?Fed UP?


Why do they put pictures of criminals Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? up in the Post Office?

What are we supposed to do, write to What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why donthem? Why don’’t they put their t they put their

pictures on the postage stamps so pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while the mailmen can look for them while

they deliver the mail?they deliver the mail?


BEAUTY PARLORBEAUTY PARLOR

A place where women curl up A place where women curl up and dye.and dye.


EGOTISTEGOTIST

Someone who is usually Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.me-deep in conversation.


YAWNYAWN

An honest opinion openly An honest opinion openly expressed.expressed.


CHICKENSCHICKENS

The only animal you eat The only animal you eat before they are born and before they are born and

after they are dead.after they are dead.


Two antennas meet on a Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony married. The ceremony

wasnwasn’’t much, but the t much, but the reception was excellent!reception was excellent!


MaryMary’’s father has five daughters: s father has five daughters:

1. Nana. 2. Nene. 3. Nini. 4. Nono. 1. Nana. 2. Nene. 3. Nini. 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu? Of course not. Her Answer: Nunu? Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question name is Mary. Read the question

again!again!


A hangover is the A hangover is the

wrath of grapes!wrath of grapes!

DonDon’’t you just wonder?t you just wonder?

A husband read an article to his wife about A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…how many words women use a day…30,000 to a man30,000 to a man’’s 15,000. The wife s 15,000. The wife

replied, replied, ““The reason has to be because we The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.have to repeat everything to men.”” The The

husband then turned to his wife and said, husband then turned to his wife and said, ““What?What?””


HANDKERCHIEFHANDKERCHIEF

Cold StorageCold Storage


How much deeper the How much deeper the ocean would be without ocean would be without

sponges.sponges.


What has four legs, a head, What has four legs, a head, and leaves?and leaves?

A dining room tableA dining room table


COMMITTEECOMMITTEE

A body that keeps minutes A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.and wastes hours.


Bills travel through the mail Bills travel through the mail twice the speed of checks.twice the speed of checks.

Something to PonderSomething to Ponder

Is there another word for Is there another word for ““synonym?synonym?””


If the #2 pencil is the most If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?popular, why is it still #2?


““Why don't they pass a constitutional Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on would be the smartest race of people on Earth." Earth."

Will Rogers Will Rogers


If all of the world is a stage, If all of the world is a stage, where is the audience where is the audience

sitting?sitting?


TOMORROWTOMORROW

One of the greatest labor One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.saving devices of today.


Before they invented Before they invented

drawing boards, drawing boards,

what did they go back to?what did they go back to?


Maybe itMaybe it’’s true that life s true that life begins at fifty, but begins at fifty, but

everything else starts to everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread wear out, fall out, or spread

out.out.


Is it true that cannibals donIs it true that cannibals don’’t t eat clowns because they eat clowns because they

taste funny?taste funny?


Do pediatricians play Do pediatricians play miniature golf on miniature golf on Wednesdays?Wednesdays?


Ever wonder if illiterate Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of people get the full effect of

alphabet soup?alphabet soup?


How many three-cent stamps How many three-cent stamps are in a dozen?are in a dozen?

Twelve. A dozen of anything is twelve.Twelve. A dozen of anything is twelve.


Women like silent men. Women like silent men.

They think theyThey think they’’re listening!re listening!


DUSTDUST

Mud with the juice Mud with the juice

squeezed out.squeezed out.


Age is a very high price to Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.pay for maturity.


One nice thing about One nice thing about egotists: they donegotists: they don’’t talk t talk

about other people.about other people.


If a pig loses its voice, If a pig loses its voice,

is it disgruntled?is it disgruntled?


You know youYou know you’’re into middle re into middle age when you realize that age when you realize that

caution is the only thing you caution is the only thing you care to exercise.care to exercise.


How do they get the deer to How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow road cross at those yellow road

signs?signs?


The mediocre teacher tells. The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The good teacher explains.

The superior teacher The superior teacher demonstrates. The great demonstrates. The great

teacher inspires.teacher inspires.


Borrow money from Borrow money from pessimists—they donpessimists—they don’’t t expect to get it back.expect to get it back.


What do you get when you What do you get when you cross an automobile with a cross an automobile with a

household animal? household animal?

A carpetA carpet


Where do fish keep their Where do fish keep their money?money?

Of course, in a riverbank.Of course, in a riverbank.


If the police arrest a mime, do If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right they tell him he has the right

to remain silent?to remain silent?


you believe "extremely you believe "extremely annoying" should have its annoying" should have its

own box on the report card.own box on the report card.


What is it that you will break What is it that you will break every time you name it? every time you name it?

SilenceSilence


If a parsley farmer is sued, If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish can they garnish

his wages?his wages?


Is there a Fourth of July in Is there a Fourth of July in England?England?

Yes, it is just not a holiday.Yes, it is just not a holiday.

A Funny StoryA Funny Story

I went to a bookstore and I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, asked the saleswoman, ““WhereWhere’’s the self-help s the self-help

section?section?”” She said if she She said if she told me, it would defeat the told me, it would defeat the

purpose.purpose.


We spend the first twelve We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and telling them to sit down and shut up.shut up.

Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller


Can vegetarians eat Can vegetarians eat

animal crackers?animal crackers?


I intend to live forever—so I intend to live forever—so far, so good!far, so good!


you encourage your spouse you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a by telling them they are a

"good helper.""good helper."


A conclusion is the place A conclusion is the place where you got tired of where you got tired of

thinking.thinking.


A farmer has 17 sheep. A farmer has 17 sheep.

All but nine die. All but nine die.

How many are left?How many are left?

Nine. All but nine died.Nine. All but nine died.


There are only two places in There are only two places in the world where time takes the world where time takes precedence over the job to precedence over the job to

be done: school and prison.be done: school and prison.

HereHere’’s a thought?s a thought?

YouYou’’re getting old when you re getting old when you dondon’’t care where your t care where your

spouse goes, just as long as spouse goes, just as long as you donyou don’’t have to go along.t have to go along.


If there are three apples and If there are three apples and you take away two, how you take away two, how

many apples do you have?many apples do you have?

Well, you took away two apples, so you Well, you took away two apples, so you should have two.should have two.


If Barbie is so popular, why If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her do you have to buy her

friends?friends?


Sex education may be a Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."should be given homework."

Bill CosbyBill Cosby


When I give a lecture, I accept When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their that people look at their watches, but what I do not watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.out if it stopped.

Marcel AchardMarcel Achard

A funny story!A funny story!

The doctor says to the The doctor says to the patient, patient, ““I have good news I have good news and bad news! The good and bad news! The good news is that you are not a news is that you are not a

hypochondriac.hypochondriac.””


Experience is something you Experience is something you dondon’’t get until just after you t get until just after you

need it!need it!


marking all Amarking all A’’s on report s on report cards would make your life cards would make your life

SO much easier.SO much easier.

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