The 7 Stages of Marriage

Presented by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.

Council for Relationships

July 9, 2009

Session 210

Smart Marriages Happy Families

Orlando, Florida•1

The Timeline of MarriageEmbrace Change

• Every marriage is unique.

• Change never, ever stops.

• Incredible, inevitable journey

• Live your stage.

• Cultivate love

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What’s in Store• Understand the core mission of your marriage.• Develop new strengths for the journey ahead.• Sidestep advice that could threaten your marriage.• Avoid time and effort-wasting wrong moves.

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What difference does a Stage make?Life experience is dynamic, changing and

dimensional

• Life cycle development is predictable

• Life cycle development is individual, interactional, and intergenerational

• Life cycle development is marked by the passing of time

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What is unique about the “7 Stages”?

• Developmental issues and tasks have been identified

• Normative events are described• Practical exercises and activities useful in

educational workshops and counseling practice

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The Benefit of Knowing the 7 Stages

• Provides a roadmap for today and tomorrow

• Normalizes the experiences of marriage

• Knowing the missions for the stages provides focus

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Marriage Today• Marriage is a value• What the Stats tell us• The Reader's Digest Survey• The Benefits of Marriage

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Reader’s Digest SurveyThe Survey Says…..

• Marriage Isn’t Broken

• It’s Really About Trust

• Laughter is More Important than Sex

• Guys Get Gushy About Marriage, Too

• Challenges Make Us Stronger

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7 Stages at a Glance• Passion

• Realization

• Rebellion

• Cooperation

• Reunion

• Explosion

• Completion

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Measuring Your MarriageLife Long Journey

• Stages don’t have start times – or ending dates.

• Two stages can overlap.

• You can “repeat” or revisit an earlier stage.

• You can use the lessons of an earlier stage to enhance your current stage.

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PASSION

The Love Cocktail – Know the essential ingredients

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The Missions • Mission 1 – Savor the Passion

• Mission 2 – Forge a Sense of “We”

• Mission 3 – Learn your Love Languages

• Mission 4 – Build Emotional Intimacy

• Mission 5 – Expand Your Sexual Vocabulary

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REALIZATION

The rose-colored glasses come off now – differentiation begins

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The Missions• Mission 1: Understand your Expectations

• Mission 2: Open, Honest Talking

• Mission 3: Learn Empathetic Listening

• Mission 4: Be Friends

• Mission 5: Split Household Chores Fairly

• Mission 6: Become a Money Team

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REBELLION

Me, Me, Me!

Growth through conflict - from control

to compromise....

on to negotiation•15

The Missions• Mission 1: Turn Power Struggles into Acceptance

• Mission 2: Move from Conflict to Problem- Solving

• Mission 3: Set and Pursue Healthy Personal Goals

• Mission 4: Renew Your Spirituality

• Mission 5: Recover from Infidelities

• Mission 6: Forgive Your Spouse and Yourself

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COOPERATION

Lots to do – work, family, friends, future planning

Not enough time

Not enough money

Not enough sexual intimacy•17

The Missions• Mission 1: Let Parenthood Strengthen Your Marriage

• Mission 2: Settle Conflicts – and Connect as Friends

• Mission 3: Invite Romance Back into Your Marriage

• Mission 4: De-Stress – and Make Love Again

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REUNION

The First Stage of the Rest of Your Marriage – strengthening mutuality

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The Missions• Mission 1: Shift Your Focus Back to Your Marriage

• Mission 2: Get off Autopilot

• Mission 3: Welcome Boomerang Kids – Without Neglecting Your Marriage

• Mission 4: Use Your Marriage to Create Good Health

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EXPLOSIONRandom Crises

Health -physical/emotional

Work

Family

Trauma

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• Caring for Aging Parents

• Mission 1: Make Care giving a Team Effort

• Mission 2: Enjoy Your Marriage

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• Depression

• Mission 1: Fight the Depression

• Mission 2: Protect Your Marriage – and Yourself

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• Job Loss

• Mission 1: Set a New Budget – and New Priorities

• Mission 2: Support Each Other

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• Weight Gain

• Mission 1: Feel Good about Your Body

• Mission 2: Take care of your health and reduce your spouse’s anxiety

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COMPLETION

Recreating and Enjoying Life

Continuity and Loss

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The Missions• Mission 1: Keep Your Marriage Growing

• Mission 2: Play – And Be in the Moment

• Mission 3: Share a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose and Prepare for Loss

• Mission 4: Reorganize Your Time, Your Territory, Your Tasks

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Applications for Workshops

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Applications in Counseling Couples

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Thank you!

• Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.

• 215-628-2450

• marriagedoctor@aol.com

• www.marriagedoctor.com• Note: The actual presentation PPT presentation may differ from the handout

copy. Participants may contact Rita DeMaria for an updated handout.

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Thank you!• The 7 Stages of Marriages provides a

lifelong guide to identifying and exploring the missions, challenges and rewards of the stages of marriage.

• Congratulations– Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.

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