pray big for your marriage - will davis jr

1.This leader’s guide courtesy of Will Davis, Jr., author of the book Pray Big for Your Marriage: The Power of Praying God’s

Promises for Your Relationship, Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©2008.

Pray Big for your Marriage

Small Group Leader’s Guide & Chapter Questions

Welcome to the Small Group Leader’s Guide for Pray Big for Your Marriage. I’m honored that you’ve chosen to study this book, and I applaud you for taking on a small group leadership role. I believe that God will use this study not only to make you and your group members better intercessors for your marriages, but also to grow and mature you as a leader.

In this guide, I want to equip you to lead your group’s sessions in a meaningful and practical way. I want you to feel totally set up to win as you embark on this leadership journey. Beyond that, I want you to see firsthand the impact that praying big can have on a marriage. As you walk through this study with your group members, you’re going to pray with and for them. You’re going to see them mature in their faith as they begin to receive tangible answers from God. And, you’re going to help make their marriages stronger and more biblically based.

Study Goals Below are five goals I have for you and your group as you begin this study:

Goal #1 To grasp the principles of pinpoint praying. Pinpoint praying isn’t rocket science, but it does require some thought and intentionality. I want you and your group members to understand what it means to pray both biblically and specifically for your marriages.

Goal #2 To learn to use your Bible in prayer. I have written my initials and my wife’s initials next to countless verses in my Bible. I use them as prayer prompters

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to remind me to pray those verses for our marriage. God’s Word is the most effective tool and resource we have for pinpoint praying. I want you to also learn to use it as the source and wording for your marriage prayers. Bring your Bible to your meetings and encourage your group members to share verses they’re praying for their marriages.

Goal #3 To learn to ask God for big things for your marriages. A major theme of Pray Big for Your Marriage is learning to pray Big, Hairy, Audacious Prayers (BHAPs) for you and your spouse. In your group sessions, I want you to search the Scriptures and ask God to show you some big requests that you should be praying for as a group for your marriages. Covenant together to bring your marriage requests faithfully to God, and make sure you journal the process. Together you’ll learn how to raise the level of your requests and your prayer intensity before God for your homes.

Goal #4 To increase your faith. God is going to answer your prayers and move in powerful ways in your group. He can’t wait to show you just how ready and willing he is to answer your pinpoint prayers. As he does, your faith will grow. You’ll believe in his Word on a deeper and more profound level and have greater confidence of his deliverance and provision in difficult times. And as your faith grows, you’ll pray with greater authority.

Goal #5 To give you hope and vision for your marriage. As you well know, marriage is taking a real beating in our culture. Many people, including Christians, live with little hope for their marriages ever being really fulfilling. Few others have any real sense of vision or mission for their marriage. I want to help you change that through prayer. I want you to receive from God the wisdom and passion to make your marriage better. I want you to regain hope for your marriage. And, I want you to see what God can do through you and your spouse for his Kingdom.

Getting Started Below are a few suggestions for getting your group off to a good start:

1. Start praying for the group. Pray every day for your group members during the study. Your prayers will add momentum to the group and will increase the Holy Spirit’s activity during your meetings.

2. Group size. I suggest limiting the group to eight people. That still may actually be a little too big. If you want time for good discussion, four to six people is the ideal size. But given the fact that you may have one or two people out each week, eight should work.

3. Group members. Pray Big for Your Marriage is written with praying Christians in mind. It

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assumes the reader is a believer who wants to improve his or her marriage through prayer. Use your judgment on whether a nonbeliever would enjoy the group. Personally, I think this kind of study could be a great outreach/evangelism tool.

4. Keep a journal. As the group’s leader, you’ll want to keep a record of what God does throughout the study. Start recording your prayer requests even before the group starts. As you get to know the members, you’ll be able to list more specific requests for each member.

Group Sessions

1. Meet weekly rather than every other week. Meeting bimonthly adds twice the length to your schedule and can inhibit group momentum and intimacy.

2. Keep your meetings at one to one and a half hours. This should provide ample time for discussion and prayer.

3. Delegate group responsibilities. Give group members various jobs, depending on their comfort level. Ask one to be the prayer leader. Ask another to serve as timekeeper. You might also want to ask different members to lead the discussion on various chapters. That will take some pressure off you and allow others to take on a leadership role.

4. When you get to chapters 7 and 8 (How to Pray for Your Husband and How to Pray for Your Wife, respectively), you might consider dividing your group into men and women (if it’s a mixed group) and let each group discuss the appropriate chapter in the same session. Men and women might feel more comfortable talking about how they pray for their spouses if their spouses aren’t present.

Pray Big for Your MarriageSmall Group Discussion Questions

Chapter 1: Dear Beloved . . . Pray! 1. Why are you reading Pray Big for Your Marriage? What do you hope to learn?

2. When you read that over 50% of all marriages fail, how did that make you feel?

3. Why do you think people have such a difficult time staying married in our culture? 4. What do you believe is the role that prayer plays in having a healthy, long-lasting

marriage?

5. Explain the two components of pinpoint praying. Why is each important?

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6. Write a pinpoint prayer for your marriage. Think of the most important thing that you can ask God to do for your marriage; then, write a pinpoint prayer asking him to do it. As best as you can, make it biblical and specific.

7. If you want to, share your prayer with the group.

Chapter 2: Big, Hairy, Audacious Prayers and Your Marriage 1. Start by telling about a prayer you’ve prayed recently that you believe God answered.

2. Will listed five reasons that prayer was good for marriage. Which one seems most relevant to you?

3. What does the acrostic BHAP stand for? What does it mean to pray a BHAP? Can you give an example of a BHAP you’re praying currently?

4. After reading the rate of divorce for couples who pray together, how do you feel about the importance of incorporating prayer into your marriage relationship?

5. If you started praying John 10:10 everyday for your marriage, how do you think your marriage might be different in six months, a year, or in ten years?

6. What would it take for you and your spouse to start praying together daily? Are you willing to work together to make that happen? Why not pray a BHAP that you and your spouse would start praying together daily?

7. What is a BHAP that you are going to start praying for your marriage after reading this chapter?

Chapter 3: Praying for Second Place 1. Take a quick survey of the group and find out who has the funniest, wackiest or

most unusual engagement story.

2. Reread the words of Jesus in Matthew 11:28–30. Why do you think Will compared those words to a marriage proposal? What’s attractive, appealing or even romantic about Jesus’s language in those verses? How does Jesus’s invitation span gender, ethnic and even social barriers? What makes his appeal so universal?

3. What does it mean to accept Jesus’s marriage proposal? What are the implications for the life of a person who has embraced Jesus as his or her first love?

4. Will talked about the broken wells that we often try to drink from in an effort to satisfy our thirsty souls. What are some of the typical “broken wells” that we look

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to today to meet our soul’s needs? Why would they be considered “broken”? Why don’t they work?

5. Why is it important for a person to love Jesus more than he or she loves his or her spouse? How will that make you a better husband or wife?

6. Will talked about his own misplaced marriage loyalties when he was too dependent on his wife and not dependent enough on Jesus. Can you relate? Do you think you’re guilty of idolizing or placing too much hope in your marriage?

7. Take some time for a gut check in your marriage. Are you really married to Jesus first? If not, what would it take for you to rearrange your relational priorities?

8. After reading this chapter, how are you going to pray big for your marriage?

Chapter 4: Praying for Emotional Intimacy 1. In your own words, define intimacy. What is it? What does it mean to be intimate

with another person?

2. Talk about the most intimate relationship you’ve ever had—with a parent, a friend, or your spouse. What makes it intimate?

3. Why is relational intimacy such a scary concept for people? What are the risks of being relationally vulnerable?

4. What are some of the rewards or advantages to being relationally “naked”?

5. Read through the list of authentic conversation starters that Will listed. Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse that began with a statement like one of those? What happened? How did the conversation go? What was the outcome?

6. According to the chapter, why should marriage be the best and safest place for real emotional authenticity?

7. How can the example of Jesus inspire and encourage us to take more emotional risks in our marriages?


Chapter 5: Praying for Spiritual Intimacy 1. As best as you can, define spiritual intimacy.? What is it? How is it different from

emotional intimacy?

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2. Why is it important for both the husband and wife to be Christians for spiritual intimacy to exist in their marriage?

3. In Jeremiah 24:7, what does God promise to do for those who seek him?

4. Will said that spiritual intimacy is the most difficult form of relational intimacy to achieve? Why do you think that is true?

5. What steps could you and your spouse be taking to make sure you’re both growing spiritually?

6. Why do you think it is difficult for a couple to pray together? What’s scary or risky about praying together in marriage?

7. What would have to change in order for you and your spouse to start praying together? How do you think your marriage would be different if you started praying as a couple?


Chapter 6: Yield Right of Way 1. Why is yielding to another an imposing concept for so many Christ-followers?

What are the risks of choosing to yield to another in a relationship?

2. Talk about a time when either you or your spouse yielded to the other in a decision. Was it a good or bad experience? How do you practice mutual yielding and not grow bitter at the same time?

3. How should our faith in Christ make it safer and easier to yield?

4. Read Philippians 2:1–11. What can we learn about the power of yielding from the teachings of Paul and the example of Jesus? What pinpoint prayers for our marriages can be taken from this passage?

5. What are some areas in which you and your spouse could begin to practice mutual submission?

6. How would your marriage look different if you really tried to put your spouse’s

needs before your own?


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Chapter 7: How to Pray for Your Husband 1. Okay ladies, it’s time to get honest. What’s the prayer you pray most frequently for

your husband?

2. Talk about some of your favorite biblical heroes—David, Samuel, Moses, Joseph, Daniel, Gideon, Samson, Abraham, Solomon. What characteristics or traits do they possess that you could pray to be manifest in your husband’s life?

3. When praying for your husband, how do you resist the temptation to impose your will and agenda on your husband’s life and not submit to God’s?

4. Will listed several attributes of Jesus that you can pray for your husband. Which of these attributes most spoke to your heart, and why?

5. What’s risky or frightening about praying for your husband? Why does “just praying” not feel like you’re doing enough to change or help your husband?

6. What do you think God wants to do in you through your prayers for your husband? What might he want to teach you, show you or change in you?


Chapter 8: How to Pray for Your Wife 1. Okay guys, it’s time to get honest. What’s the prayer you pray most frequently for

your wife?

2. What do you learn from the example of Jesus in John 17? What do his prayers for his Bride, the Church, tell you about your role as a husband?

3. What does it mean to love your wife like Jesus loves the Church? What does it mean, in practical terms, for you to die for your wife?

4. What does it mean for you to serve your wife? What are some practical ways you could start serving her today?

5. Will listed several pinpoint prayers you can pray for your wife in this chapter. Which one was most meaningful or important to you, and why?

6. Would you be willing to covenant with this group to start praying the pinpoint prayers Will lists for your wife every day? How do you think you might see her and treat her differently if you did?


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Chapter 9: How to Pray for Your Unbelieving Spouse 1. Since you’re studying this chapter, it’s safe to assume that you’re in an unequally

yoked marriage. Take a few minutes to tell your respective marriage stories. What’s the current spiritual condition of your spouse—hostile, ambivalent, curious, seeking?

2. Will listed several temptations that Christians face when married to an unbeliever. Which could you relate to the most? Which, if any, are you most guilty of?

3. Will listed several pinpoint prayers you can pray for your unbelieving spouse. Which was most meaningful and important to you, and why?

4. Why is it important that you never stop praying for your spouse’s salvation?

5. Did you find Eddy and Lynn’s story encouraging? Did you it give you hope for your spouse and marriage? What did Lynn do right in her situation?


Chapter 10: Praying for Marriage Protection. 1. Think about our culture and the attack on marriage in general. What pressures and

temptations do most marriages face today? Which do you face in your marriage?

2. Talk about the Principle of Jesus’s Blood that Will mentioned. What does it mean to pray that Jesus’s blood will cover your house? Why is it important?

3. Talk about the Principle of Resisting the Devil. How do you feel about directly opposing the devil? What’s the biblical promise listed in this chapter for those who resist Satan?

4. Talk about the Principle of Walking and Praying. Have you ever walked through your house and prayed for it and those who live in it? When you did, what event or situation prompted you to pray through your house? What’s the biblical promise listed in this chapter for those who walk and pray through their homes?

5. Are you willing to covenant with this group to start praying the Principle of Jesus’s Blood, to start resisting the devil, and to start walking and praying through your home? How might things be different in your home if you did?


Chapter 11: Praying for Your Marriage Mission 1. What do you think about the concept of a marriage mission? Have you ever thought

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about that before? Have you ever known couples that seemed to have a marriage mission that was bigger than their own happiness?

2. Will listed three benefits to having a marriage mission. What was most important or meaningful to you, and why? Can you think of any other benefits to having a godly mission for your marriage?

3. Think about you and your spouse. What common strengths, interests or passions do you have? What do you think God might want you to use your marriage to do? Whom might he be calling you to serve? What need might he be calling you to meet?

4. Will gave several examples of couples that God is using together. Take a few minutes and write a paragraph about you and your spouse. Think five years in the future. How do you want God to be using you? Write the paragraph based on your hopes and dreams for your marriage. Then, share it with the group.

5. Covenant with your group to pray that the visions and hopes you each shared will become true for your marriages. Agree to pray that God will give you each a powerful marriage mission.


If you have questions or comments about the Pray Big for Your Marriage Leader’s Guide,

please email [email protected].

Additional resources for individuals and churches available at www.praybigbook.com.

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pray big for your marriage - will davis jr

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