PRAYER

AFTER

ABORTION

Edited by Althea Hayton

ABOUT THIS BOOKLET

ln 1979, the Bishop of Winchester proposed to Synod that a prayer * after themedical termination of a pregnancy might be included with the other published prayers of theChurch of England. He said that there may be some who would find clarification, reassuranceand healing in the prayer. He believed that the attitude of the church to the irresponsible use ofaboftion should not blind us to the pastoral needs of those Christians for whom the decision to

end a pregnancy was truly agonising.

The proposal was turned down in the same year because it appeared to Synod

that the prayer was condoning the act of aboftion. Fufthermore, it was hard to agree on asuitable wording and it was thought best to leave it to individual clergy to decide how to pray withparents who have experienced an abodion.

What was perhaps misunderstood at the time but is becoming clear now, is thatthe psychological and emotional disturbance known as'post-aboftion syndrome' may lead thesutferer to delay asking for help for some time after the abortion operation. Any assumption thatit is the role of hospital chaplains to meet the need for prayer after abortion may well beerroneous: any member of clergy may be asked to pray at any time with a woman (or herparlner) about an aboftion that happened perhaps many years ago. lt is my belief that clergy

should be prepared for such a request.

Since 1 979 there has been little sign that prayer after aboftion is being sought f romclergy by those who may benefit. I believe that such prayer is needed, but the Christian churchgives no sign that it may be made available. The Roman Catholic church is fundamentallyopposed to aboftion, but also subscribes to the ethic of hating the sin but loving the sinner. Even

so, there is no sign of Roman Catholic priests offering prayer after aboftion as a usual practice.

Perhaps clergy simply do not understand what is needed. This repoft explores thespiritual and pastoral needs of women and their partners after an abodion. These needs may

take years to sudace, but there are over 150,000 abortions every year in the UK, and over four

million abodion operations have been carried out since 1965. Even if a tiny propottion of those

who have been huft come fomrard for help, that would be enough to justify this project.

Since 1979 things have changed in the area of pregnancy loss: hospital chaplainsand parish clergy are now likely to be asked to hold a funeral for a child abofted on grounds ofabnormality. lt is not uncommon for Christian men and women to seek pastoral counselling intheir parish as they make up their mind whether they should end a pregnancy where the baby isl ikely to be abnormal.

Some Christian men and women naturally turn to a member of the clergy as theirfirst port of call when they decide they need help, and post-abodion problems need be noexception to this unless there is an expectation of being judged and rebuffed. lt is also not at allunl ikely that in any given congregat ion there wi l l be men and women who have experiencedaboftion directly or indirectly, and who are greatly disturbed by it, yet it is never mentioned by

congregation or clergy.

" This prayer is pr inted in ful l on page 17.

Abottion as a pastoral problem is already here and can no longer be ignored. Aswe have seen in the last decade, public prayer after miscarriage, once almost unheard of, is nowusual. Parishioners have realised that spiritual help can be obtained and so they are coming intochurch to get it, often many years after the event.

This booklet is intended to show what kind of prayer may be made available toindividuals, and also those who have operated as a post-abortion support group for some timeand wish to add the dimension of prayer to their work. I believe that it should be known toparishioners that such a seryice of prayer can be made available, and even if many years passbefore a word is said about an aboftion, then that particular member of clergy will be ready togrant that help.

It remains for clergy to appreciate the problems aboftion brings, and reach out tothose in need and welcome them into the church to pray alongside others. A Christian church isthe best place for broken people to find a new wholeness.

Althea Hayton, January '1997.

Come near to God, and He will come near to you.

NOTE: POST-ABORTION SYNDROME: a def ini t ion.. . .

Re-experiencing the aboftion in recurrent dreams and memories: a sense of detachment fromothers: a reduced ability to express feelings: depression: overwhelming guilt: sleep disturbance:memory impairment: low self-esteem: sexual dysfunction.

(CARE leaflet, see page 23)

PRAYER AFTER ABORTIONConference Report

All Saints Pastoral Centre, London Colney, Herts, November 1st 1996.

Among those present were two Anglican deacons, an Anglican vicar, three

counsellors, a nurse and a doctor working in general practice. lt was made clear to the group that

the purpose of the day was not to discuss the rights and wrongs of aboftion, or the political or

social implications of it, but to examine the feelings that the people involved may experience afterthe event and how those may be addressed in the pastoral and liturgical context.

(NOTE: "partner" is used throughout this booklet to mean the sexual paftner in the encounter

where conception occurred - this may not be the marital partner. This man is the father of the

chi ld and also has feel ings about the abodion.)

Small groups of three or four were created. This was to enable some possibly

very strong feelings to be expressed and accepted.

OPENING PRAYERcomposed and said by a counsellor:

Jesus, we remember that before you came into your Kingdomyou went through the darkest time you knew on eafih. Today wehave come here to consider some of the deepest, darkest feelingshuman beings can go through. We thank you for whateverexperience we may have had of brokenness and darkness that

brought us here today. We thank you because you can transformeverything, and you are calling us to go back into the darknessand meet those people who are st i l l there.

It is time to feel in us the life, the love and the hope that we havereceived from you: the power of your resurrection shining into thedarkness.

We thank you because the light is always brighter in the darkness.We offer our lives and the rest of this day to you.

Amen.

SESSION ONEWHAT ABORTION MEANS TO EACH OF US

Some people can find it difficult to separate their feelings about the morality ofabortion from the feelings that a woman or her padner might have after aboftion, and this canlead to insensitivity. The first session was devoted to helping those present to find and discusstheir own feelings. There follows a small sample of one of the discussions that took place.

A DOCTOR

Why is it that women come back again for more terminations? lf they were reallyseriously bothered about it surely they wouldn't come back for number three or four? Somewomen simply see abortion as a way of dealing with the failure of contraceptive devices such asthe coi l .

A COUNSELLOR

Surely if this is the case then the health professionals have failed these women orother individuals in terms of education. People are sometimes driven to the edge, and think theywill either go mad or stop existing. There are some pretty desperate situations.

A DOCTOR

Maybe because we are well educated ourselves, we assume that others are ableto see what we see, We have people who come in and say: "l am a Christian, I always thoughtthat aboftion was totally wrong - | want an aboftion." They are totally desperate. You can't beabsolutely empathic with everyone. Their inner spirituality is so utterly alien to you that it is verydif f icul t .

A DEACON

It is very difficult to speak about abortion. There is always a strong reaction fromeveryone when you bring it up. lt is the great unspeakable thing you never talk about. I havetried to find spiritual resources to use - there are some for miscarriage or stil lbirth, but nothingpadicular for aboftion.

A VICAR

The political climate surrounding abortion is such that you never trust anything thatanyone says because there might be an entrenched position behind it. lt is sad that there areorganisations that set out to give advice, but it isn't centred on the person and the person's need.This is rather an unhelpful attitude that makes it hard for them to enter into the particularcircumstances of what is happening here before them. I try to pray with people but it is verydifficult.

A DOCTOR

Sometimes they try to deny that there is an alternative to having the aboftion, andif you challenge this they may react strongly with anger. The people who said they would supportthem afterwards often let them down too.

A VICAR

There is a deep sense of compassion for anyone caught up in this situation, but asa man how can I truly understand?

A COUNSELLOR

There are so many feelings that we share with the woman: confusion, anger andsadness. Perhaps we are more empathic than we realise. There is a feeling of helplessness thatmay not be totally ours but theirs. The male padner can feel shut out especially if he was nevertold about the baby. He is completely isolated, as though he has nothing to do with it. lf the girlhas made up her mind, she may refuse to consult him, or simply say that he doesn't want to havethe baby. Then you have the other side, that he would take a great interest in the baby but thewoman won't let him. There have been court cases about this.

SESSION TWOTHE FEELINGS OF A WOMAN AFTER ABORTION

To make sure that everyone was clear about what aboftion feels like in reality, astory was read about a woman who had an aboftion.

I thought my situation was unique and therefore more excusable - not having a job,being depressed before, not knowing the father. Surely I didn't deserue this burden. lwanted itto un-happen, to go away and let me get along with my life. I promised not to do it again. lt ishorrible to face the reality, the morbid thoughts, the death, the misery, the pain, the selfishness.How could I have done this?

When I missed my period for the second time I began to worry and thought I mightbe pregnant. I did the test which proved positive. I couldn't believe it. I was shocked totally. Iimmediately made plans to go to London. I didn' t want any other outcome. I didn' t want peopleto know. I didn't want to suffer for a one night accident. I didn't want to let my family down.

I found out on the Monday and was in London on the Wednesday. I went to theclinic and got a test done. I was disappointed that it was positive. An Indian woman asked mewhy I wanted to have an abodion. I gave her my reasons and they seemed to satisfy her.

I was then sent for a scan. They would4t bel ieve me when I told them I knew theexact date of the conception - they thought I was fufther on. The scan showed why - there weretwins. I couldn't believe it - it made it twice as bad, twice the reason to get rid of it. I wanted itover and done with quickly before I had time to think. They gave me a leaflet and a time for theoperation the next day.

I left the clinic and went to a friend who lived in London. She was shocked that Iwas pregnant. She told me I was doing the right thing, it was only tissue. She said she would goto the clinic with me. I was relieved that she was helping me. She gave me all the practicalreasons - money, no support, unwanted, didn'treally know the father.

I didn't sleep that night thinking about it. I had no feelings for the babies. I just

wanted to get rid of them as quickly as possible. I read the booklet from the clinic and it was

comfofting the way it said everything I wanted to read. No mention of babies or pain.

My friend came to see me. I just pushed all thoughts away and thought about

looking for work afterwards. The clinic was a house in a suburlcan road. I stopped opposite and

was trembling. I didn't want to go in. There were expensive cars outside and it looked

intimidating. I wanted to run away but my friend said I had made a decision and to be brave.

A friendly Australian nurse opened the door. I gave my name and she welcomed

us in. The reception was full of couples and single women. I could see women leaving that had

had an aboftion. They looked OK. This gave me confidence, as lwas afraid for myself.

I looked at the other faces - normal women. This was a normal thing to do. I wasjust one of them. When my friend left | felt l ike running out after her, but I didn't.

A secretary fil led out details of payment and wrote a receipt for the amount. The

girl next to me in the ward was lrish. I heard the nurse taking her off to the operating room. Only

about 1O minutes later she was brought back, unconscious. A nurse hit her to wake her up.

I could see her crying. I asked if she was OK. We stafied talking. She was a

nurse from Dubl in.

It was then my turn. A black nurse took me out. She was very aggressive and

didn't speak. I was shaking with fear of the operation. We walked into the theatre. A nurse

smiled as I got up on the table. "Please look after me" were my last words.

I woke up with a pain in my bladder as if I wanted to pass water. lt was tenible. I

pressed the bell for assistance. A nurse came and said I had already been brought to the toilet.

She then brought me pain killers which relieved the pain. I was terrified of haemorrhaging. I was

afraid to go to the toilet. I was afraid to look in case I was bleeding abnormally.

The next morning I was relieved that I hadn't bled much, l waited for the doctor to

come and release me. More like an officer in a prison camp. He didn't speak or even look at me.

He just looked at the chart and grunted and the nurse told me to go.

I phoned my friend to collect me but she sounded reluctant so I made my own way

back to her flat. She had cooked scones and wanted to celebrate. She didn't know I felt terrible.

I f elt frightened and empty. Soon I felt she wanted me to leave. I went to stay with another f riend

who was very nice to me. This made me feelworse.

The whole day long I could see twins in prams all around, there seemed to be an

unusually high number around there. In adaze, very lonely and isolated I wanted the comfort and

security of home. I was stil l frightened of complications and bleeding'

Back home I fell into a routine of watching TV, getting up late, looking forward to

going to bed. I didn't look after myself, my appearance, hygiene.

I hate myself. I thought my lifestyle was worth kill ing for. Now I see I have

destroyed the chance I had of growing in love for my children. They would have enriched my life

and changed it completely. I killed my maternal instinct and now I am alone, stil l searching forpeace and stability

My sister tries to talk to me but I get emotional and feel guilty about her concernwhen she doesn't know about the abortion. I am terrorising my parents by my aloofness and

isolation. lt 's the only way I can protect myself from teelings.

NOTE: This woman was twenty years old and single when she had the aboftion, and wrote this

letter two years afterwards. She became pregnant while under the influence of alcohol at an

office pafty.From "Women do not hutl?" 1993.Reproduced by permission.

The feelings that each group felt a woman or her paftner would experience werelisted, along with the feelings experienced by others. Here is the list:

DENIAL of any feelings

This can mean an initial numbness, but can last a lifetime. The pregnancy isspoken of as just a minor inconvenience. Denying any feelings may at the time and later be theonly way to cope with the situation.

DENIAL of the baby

It is hard for some people involved in abortion to refer to the foetus as a baby.

This denies the existence of the baby, and also the maternal instinct, which can be seen as theessence of womanhood. This may mean a denial of responsibility for the baby.

GUILT

This might be felt both before and after the event. lt is a sign of health to movefrom a sense of shame to one of guilt. There may be a realisation of having been selfish ornaive. There may be a feeling of being stigmatised by others.

LON ELIN ESS AND ALI ENATI ON

The abortion may have to be kept secret. There may be little or no support fromhome or padner. There is a feeling that there is no-one else in the world who understands.There is a dread secret, and there is a cut-off-ness, a sense of being distanced from others, asif through a plate glass window.

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TRAUMA

For some the experience is traumatic and is a terrible shock. Women may findthey are emotionally volatile, have nightmares and avoid associations with the abortion: pregnantwomen, doctors, babies, etc. these are symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

FEAR

Terror of what is going to happen. Fear is around for any pregnant woman. A fearthat, should deep feel ings be ackowledged, they wi l l be ovenvhelming.

ANGER

There is anger, before the aboftion with those who say they should not do it, andafterwards with the people who advised them to have the abortion, or those who did not stopthem from doing it. Anger at a paftner who should be providing suppoft but who walks away andleaves the woman with the responsibility: this is betrayal and may be felt as rage, and maydestroy the relationship.

RELIEF

There is surely a feeling of relief that the pregnancy is stopped and there will notbe a baby to worry about. Some women say they feel relieved of an enormous burden. Theremay be a sense of being trapped.

DEPNESSION

Some women repoft this as unexpected. They expect to feel happy and free, butinstead they become depressed and cannot understand why. There is a generalsense of apathy.

EMPTINESS AND LOSS

The physical feeling of the womb's emptiness may be echoed by denial of feelingsand linked to a sense of life being pointless. There may be a deep feeling of grief at the loss ofthe baby and for the person the woman was before this happened. There may be a loss of loveand protection if the relationship with the partner breaks down.

LOSS OF CONTROL

This may mean loss of control of one's own emotions, or of life events. Theabortion can be seen as an attempt to controlthe pregnancy. There may have been a great dealof pressure, and there may be a sense of being manipulated, of things being done to you withoutful l consent.

DIRTY

This links with guilt and shame, and may take the form of compulsive washing.This may not be tied to any sense of a moral code being breached, but may be linked to a senseof violation, and a wish to be free of contamination.

WORTHLESS

There has been a loss of dignity that may have threatened self-respect. Theremay be a feeling of being of no value to oneself and to others. This may be reflected in notcaring for the body by bathing or feeding. lt can also be reflected in a loss of faith and a senseof not being worthy of God's love.

CHANGED

A sense that the pregnancy, however shoft, has made an indelible mark and thatthings cannot ever be the same as they were before the conception of the abofted baby.

PAIN AND HURT

Physical pain if there are complications. Emotional hurt if there has been betrayalor condemnation. Spiritual hurt that the only way out of a desperate situation was to do a knownwrong but which was seen as the 'lesser of two evils'.

REGRET

There may be a wish to undo what has been done, to bring the baby back, tomake another decision. There may be a yearning for a baby to hold. This may be shown in awish to be forgiven and to make a new staft. Thoughts of what might have been.

BITTERNESS

Sometimes there is a rush into abortion and it is not thought through. When it isall over there is a chance to reflect and realise what has been done.

GRIEF AND SORROW

There may be a need to remember, grieve for and be aware of the baby and theage it would have been. Unresolved and unacknowledged grief can become a form of'possession' by the dead child and may cause psychiatric disturlcances. The mourning processis denied because the woman feels she has no right to mourn a life that she chose to end.

SESSION THREESPIRITUAL AND PASTORAL NEEDS AFTER ABORTION

SPIRITUAL NEEDS

TO LEARN TO TRUST

The Christian church is seen as the great Judgement, and to trust anyone withinthe church might be a great big shift. To be able to trust in the people they encounter in thechurch, that one will be accepted. There may be a need to feel cleansed and renewed. This canonly be achieved in a climate of acceptance and love.

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TO FEEL CLOSER TO GOD

In abortion, a loving relationship is destroyed. There is isolation and loneliness.There is a need to recreate a sense of relationship. We see God as the ultimate relationship, andthe work must be to help people to move towards Him. Need to be close to God. To own theirpersonal spir i tual needs.

TO REBUILD FAITH

To rebuild the relationship with God of the person who has had an abodion. To

help the person incorporate what has happened to them and square that with what they believe.

TO FIND MEANING

To realise that the feelings are normal. To combat a feeling of pointlessness in lifeand a prevailing sense of unwofthiness and depression. To believe that change is possible. Togrow in understanding.

TO FIND FORGIVENESS

To be able to repent and feelforgiven, and be able to forgive oneself and others.To be helped to real ise that we are al ls inners: that being made whole does not mean you neverdid anything wrong. There is also a need to apologise to the child for denying him or her a life.

TO BE RELIEVED OF THE BURDEN

To make public the secret, to let go of the child and the pain. To find a place toleave the burden. There can be an enormous sense of relief if there is a feeling of "possession"

by the dead chi ld, and let t ing go is enablec.

TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

To move in a positive direction. Towards a relationship with God.

PASTORAL NEEDS

TO FIND HELP

To know that their needs will be recognised as real and deserving of help. Theneed to be able to trust in the availabilitv of help. To feel able to reach out and to find someoneready to respond.

TO SPEAK THE UNSPEAKABLE

To be able to talk openly about what has happened, and voice the feelings andfeelthey are normal.

TO HAVE COMPANY

To be in a community of caring people. To have someone alongside on thejourney to wholeness who has patience and will let things happen at their own pace. lt can be avery long journey indeed, sometimes taking years. The whole community is hutt by aboftion andeveryone wants to share in the loss. For workers to take part in the process of grieving.

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TO FIND A NEW WHOLENESS

To be able to bring brokenness, to feel traumatised and ditty. They may needhealing in body, mind and spirit. To be fed and held in their feelings of helplessness and pain andto find new hope and a new way of being.

TO BE FREE TO GRIEVE

To be given space and time to deal with the feelings and problems the abodion

has brought. To rediscover the maternal instinct that has been denied. To find ways toacknowledge the true nature of the life and death of their child and to feel and mourn for the lossof the child. To know that the baby has a real existence beyond life. By beginning their grievingthey begin to get rid of their anger.

WHAT THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH CAN OFFER to meet spiritualand pastoral needs:

Rituals for rememberingRituals of mourningSymbolsSi lenceBooks, musicPi lgr imageHealing servicesPrayers for forgivenessBible studySpecial prayer groupsPlaces to pray aloneSpecial l i turgies in the church year, eg. Al l Soul 's DayA welcoming communityIndividual pastoral counsel l ingGuided meditat ionContact with specialist organisationsSupport groups for women after abodionGroup or individual support for anyone involved in aboftion

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PRAYER TO OPEN THE AFTERNOON SESSIONcomposed and said by Anglican deacon

Lord, we thank you for being with us today. We pray that

the words on our lips and the thoughts of all our hearts may

reflect your love for all your family on eafth.

We especially pray that you will guide us as we develop liturgy

to help women who have experienced abodion and all those

who are concerned with abortion. That they may know the love

and peace which pass all understanding. We ask this through

Jesus Christ our Lord

Amen

SESSION FOURCREATING LITURGIES AFTER ABORTION

ABORTION AS A PROBLEM TO CLEBGY

FEASONS

There were some strong feelings about the fact that abortion is decided upon for

various reasons, and those specific reasons need to be addressed if prayer is being offered for

individuals or couples. Obviously if there is a group of people attending, then the specific reasons

may be unknown or too various to be addressed'

NOT ADMITTING THE NEED FOR PRAYER

There is an individual realisation of the need for prayer after abortion, but there is

also a fear that if a public seruice is advertised, no one will attend, because they do not want to

admit they have had an aboftion'

INCREASING GUILT

There is an avoidance of any public statement that might make an already guilty

person feel worse. Anyone making people feel more guilt and remorse after abortion would be

considered insensitive.

ABORTION AS S/N

It is hard for clergy to describe abortion as a sin because of the evident distress

created by it. lf a member of clergy is heard to describe abodion as a sin, this begs the question

as to which sin has been committed thereby.

ABORTION AND THEOLOGY

There is practically nothing in the Bible that provides any kind of spiritual guidance

for those who would create a prayer after aboftion. A consideration of the special circumstances

of a padicular case can help a member of clergy to find a position where either course of action

*outd have been evil, but it is hard to fit that concept into any theological position. What remains

is to pray for healing and peace of mind for the parents of the child.

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GUILT AND REPENTANCE

lf abortion is a sin, then to be forgiven a woman must repent of it. To repent of itshe must acknowledge her sinf ulness in the act of doing it. Preseruing her from a sense of guiltdoes not assist this process. Emphasising guift is seen these days as hudful to those alreadysuffering. This has created a dilemma that has locked the Christian clergy into inaction in dealingwith aboftion as a pastoral issue.

EDITOR'S NOTE: A way out of this dilemma must be found if adequate spiritual and pastoralcare is to be given to women and their partners after the termination of a pregnancy.

HELPFUL IDEAS BASED IN CHRISTIAN THEOLOGY THAT MAY BE INCLUDED INPRAYER AFTER ABORTION

That God is special ly concerned with sinners

That repentance is the route to forgiveness

That God loves all he has made, andthat includes the unborn chi ld

That God wi l l take the burden from anyone who lets i t go

That the unborn child, being perfect, is with God

That God is closest in the depths of despair

That God is always with us, whatever happens

That everyone, regardless of what they have done, can turnto God, who is waiting for them in love

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POSSIBLE ORDER OF SEBVICE

A. WELCOME

It is important that everyone there feels unconditionally accepted.

B. A PRAYER FOR PEACE

This emphasises the unity of purpose of those present and helps to underlineunconditional acceptance.

C. TESTIMONY OF ABORTION SUFFERERS

To set the scene, to clarify the reality of what abortion means.

D. FESPoNSoRIAL PRAYERS expressing emotional needs of var ious groupsinvolved with abortion

To recognise the fact that aboftion hurts many people, including mothers, fathers,sisters, brothers, grandparents, friends, doctors, nurses, counsellors, lawyers, and politicians.

E. PBAYERS IN PENITENCE

To enable women and their padners to acknowledge their responsibility for whathappened to their baby, and ask forgiveness.

F . PERSONAL PRAYERS

To enable the release of strong feelings and place them before God.

G. USING SYMBOLS OF BABTES in a r i tuat of let t ing go

To enable a public mourning for the child that was lost - an important aspect of thegrieving process.

H. PRAYERS OF COMMITAL of the babies

To let go of the baby into the arms of God.

l . PRAYER ASKING FOR HEALING for mothers and fathers

To find some kind of spiritual comfoft in God's forgiveness and love, and find thestrength to go on.

< At +

A SPECIAL SERVICE OF PRAYER. HEALING AND MEMORIAL AFTER ABORTION

This is based on what we did, with some added ideas

EQUIPMENT : small nightlights, circles of paper and pencils, a white cloth, a centrepiece offlowers with a large candle (unlit.)

BOOM LAYOUT : a circle of seats

The people gathered in silence and listened to music: "Stay here keep watch withme, watch and pray." Taize music.

A PRAYER TO WELCOMEby a member of clergy:

I would like to welcome you all here today for this special liturgy.Each of us has come here today carrying a burden. For some ofus it is sorrowful, for others it is angry. Some of us may have beenfeeling lonely and isolated. For each of you I hope this simpleseruice of healing, prayer and memorial will bring you closer to God.In this place and among the prayer, music and silence, I hope youwill feel able to lay your burden down.

A PRAYER FOB PEACEby a member of clergy:

We come in peace today to be with one another.Jesus brought us a peace that the world cannotbring: let us offer each other a sign of that peace.

(people smiled and shook hands)

BIBLE READINGS : (one or al l of these may be read)

Jeremiah 31 : 15-17 (the weeping women of Ramah)John 8: 1-1 1 (a woman caught in adultery)2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 (suffering and consolation)

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RESPONSORIAL PRAYERS

Let us pray for allwomen who have aborted a child.Bring them through this time to your healing and peace.Lord hear our prayer

R. and let our cry come to you.

Let us pray for the fathers of aborted children.May they know your love, which is the model for us all.Lord hear our prayer

R. and let our cry come to you.

Let us pray for families hurt by abodion. May the memoryof the little child that might have been paft of the familybring them healing and greater love. Lord hear our prayer

R. and let our cry come to you.

Let us pray for doctors and nurses. Through the stressesand strains of their work, be their light and guide so they mayalways keep you in their sight. Lord hear our prayer

R. and let our cry come to you

Let us pray for allthose who are involved in the aboftionindustry. May your light shine on them and bring themcompassion, and the strength always to do your will.Lord hear our prayer

R. and let our cry come to you

Let us pray for the children we have lost, that they may becomforted in your love and know your evedasting presence.Lord hear our prayer

R. and let our cry come to you.

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PRAYERS OF PENITENCE

For the times when we turned away from you in our fearand despair, Lord have mercy

R. Lord have mercy.

For the times when we blinded ourselves to the truth,Christ have mercv

R. Christ have mercv

For the times when we allowed hatred to build in our heafts,Lord have mercv

R. Lord have mercv

Heavenly Fatheryou are the giver of life,and you share with usthe care of the life that is given.lnto your hands we commit in trust the developing lifethat we have cut shott.Look in merci ful judgement on the decision that we have made,and assure us in all our uncertainty that your love for us can never change.

Amen

Bishop Peter Firth, with permission

A P E R I O D O F S I L E N C E

(at the end of the period this prayer may be spoken:)

God gives me silence in my sorrowSilent tears to speak my griefCome into my si lence, LordFor in the holiness of your loveThere is no need for words.

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USING SYMBOLS OF THE BABIES

The people were offered the chance to write the name of any baby(ies) theywanted to remember on a round shape cut out of plain white paper, with a prayer if they wished.As an alternative or added to that, they also took a nightlight. (This could be named with a stickeron the side)

Examples of prayers written on the paper circles:

I love you baby, and I always will. I give you to God.

You will always be my precious child, I give you into the arms of Jesus.

In silence each person in the circle came forward, lit a nightlight and placed it inthe centre of the circle, or placed the paper round, folded to enclose the writing, into a smallbasket.

SONG : "Jesus remember me, when you come into your kingdom" Taize music.

PRAYERS OF COMMITAL

We give back to you O God those whom you gave us.You did not lose them when you gave them to us, and wedid not lose them by their return to you. Your dear Son hastaught us that life is eternal and love cannot die, so that deathis only a horizon, and a horizon is only the limit of our sight.Open your eyes to see more clearly, and draw us closer to you,that we may know that we are nearer to our loved ones who arewith you. You have told us that you are preparing a place for us:prepare us also for that happy place, that where you are we may be always.

William Penn 1644-1718

In confidence we commit our little ones to the good Shepherd,who cares for his lambs. Help us to know they are with you,safe in vour eternal care.

A l l : Amen

A PERIOD OF SILENT CONTEMPLATION

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PRAYERS FOR HEALING given by a vicar experienced in heal ing

(An explanantion of the use of oils and the procedure for anointing is now given.)

A PRAYER FOR HEALINGby a member of clergy:

Lord, we come here as broken people.With your healing touch, bless the people present here today.Grant them the healing gift of tears, and the relief of knowingthat you will take the burden from anyone who offers it to you.Draw near to us Lord, and let us experience your closeness in this anointing.

Amen

Each person who wished it was anointed by a member of clergy, who spoke a few words to eachperson.

SONG: "Lay your hands gent ly upon us."

PRAYERread by a lay person:

Oh, Jesus hear this prayer - heal heafts and minds.Oh, Lord please, just come. Heal us to love again.Bind up the broken hearted. Let us feel your lovingtouch, bring into our lives knowledge of your true love.

A l l : Amen.

FINAL PRAYER by a member of c lergy

We thank you Lord for this time of sharing.Fi l l us with your spir i t as we leave this place,and may we experience your peace this day and every day.

A l l : Amen.

NOTE: Creating liturgy by a group had the advantage of involving a wide variety of different ideasand approaches. The disadvantage was that it was slightly disjointed. I feelthat as experiencegrows, good practice will also grow, and excellent liturgies will be created: this liturgy was abeginning.

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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

A MEDITATION ON PHEGNANCY LOSS

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee...', said the archangel.Mary replied, "Be it done b me according to thy word."

In this reply Maly wished that her destiny be that chosen by God. She put asidethe desire to control her life. How often do we endeavour to control our surroundings, to producethe results which we desire for whatever reason. Having accepted the responsibility of nurturingthe saviour as Mother, she saw her son mutilated, smashed and brought to death on the cross.

What at that time would she have felt about her part in the mission which God hadentrusted to her? Surely whatever distress a mother may feel in regard to the loss of pregnancy,Mary would understand. Would any mother know the anguish that Mary is not able to share?

Perhaps it is only after the loss of a pregnancy that a woman may become awareof the depth of her maternal disposition and that the conception and nurturing of new life lies atthe heaft of who she is. Perhaps women who have been through such experiences may thenhave the opportunity to share such experiences to the benefit of others. lt may be difficult - wemay try to escape from the confusion, pain, distress and sense of guilt by avoiding the matter,only to find the need to distance ourselves from related events as we experience them later in life.There may be a danger of becoming cold and unfeeling.

How can the mother in us compensate for the love the baby has not known? Howcan such a mother love and be loveable?

lf we are able to say "Be it done according to Thy word," then we do not need tocontrol these matters and may be confident that baby and ourselves are individually loved andloveable' For Mary loves you as you would wish a mother to love a child (and Marv herself knowsthe anguish you may feel.)

Having been able to relinquish suchchosen for us we may in due course be able to sav:

(Contributed for this report after the conferenceanonymously.)

control and accept the destiny God has"into Thy hands I commend my spirit."

by a Christian doctor, to be used here

LET.I-ING GO (a reading)

Events in our lives that cause inner distress leave us feeling different, somehowchanged. Often we long to get back to the way we felt before, but this is never possible. Lifeneeds to move on and so do we. What is passed cannot be altered, but the future can beshaped by letting go of the past.

Juliet Swindells(from a booklet for women after abortion)

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ALTERNATIVE PRAYERS

A PRAYER FOR WOMEN HURT BY ABORTION(based upon Jeremiah 31:15-17)

There is a sound of weeping in the world:I t is women, weeping for their chi ldren.They refuse to be consoled because their children are no more.The sorrow they have shown shall have its reward, says the Lord.Wipe away their tears, for their children will be returned to them.

A NURSE'S PRAYER

Bless all creation, reveal in us Lord the sanctity of all created life.lf even weeds in the field may grow tall and strong untilthe hour of your haruesting, then who are we to cut downanything sown but not yet fruited?

A MOTHER'S PRAYER

Now this has happened I am f i l led with despair and regret.You promised forgiveness to those who repent. I am truly sorry Lord.Please make me wodhy of your forgiveness.

A COUNSELLOR'S PRAYER

Bless us Oh Lord, because we allfall shott.Our flaws and weaknesses lead us astray - protect us Lord.I nailed my redemption to a treeAnd there He hung and pleaded for me.Let me rest my head upon Your feetMy woes and hurts Your heart to meet.Thank you Jesus for holding our innocent ones in the palmof Your pedect hands.

A GRANDMOTHER'S PRAYER

Dear Lord, you seem so far away.I cry to you but I cannot hear you answer me.Please do not turn your face from mebut bring me through this time to your healing and peace.

A TEENAGER'S PRAYER

Lord you know the secrets of every heart.Please forgive me. I am longing for my baby,thirsting for the chance to pour out my love.You said that allthose who thirst may come to you to drink: fil l me, Lord!

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AFTER ABORTION FOR ABNORMALITY

Father Creator, you love all things that you have made.I pray that one day this sorrow will ceaseand I will be able to rest in a knowledge of your love.I turn to you Lord of al l comfod, al lwisdom:please send me help to f ind my way back to you.

A PRAYER IN THE DARKEST TIME

Out of the depths I cry to you Oh God!Please be beside me as I follow this endless, dark tunnel.Be my light and guide, for I do not know the way.

A FATHER'S PRAYER

Lord God I forgot you just at the moment when I needed you most.I pushed you away, and now I am out in the cold.Please send me the courage to reach out for your warm hand,for I have nothing else to cling to just now.

(Adapted from a prayer by Alexander Solzhenitsyn, 1983)

A PRAYER FOR A FAMILY HURT BY ABORTION

Lord JesusHelp us through al l this t ime of t rouble to f ind your comfort .You make nothing in vain. May our t ime of gr ief give usan oppoftunity to rely more upon your provision of our needs.

(From an MU prayer card, Bradford)

A PRAYER FOR ALL THOSE HURT BY ABORTION

Mary of Bethlehem and Nazareth, wife of Joseph;virgin mother of the Son of God made man; woman of sorrows,model of faith, you are our mother,living now in the joy of the presence of God.You watch over each one of us with gentleness, compassion and tenderness.

We entrust all people hurt by aboftion to your motherly care.May your unfailing love console our sisters and brothers,and be for them a source of healing and joy. Holy Mary, pray for us all.

(Adapted from an HLI prayer, Canada)

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