presented by: sandra crowe for impa 301.770.7104. [email protected] author i didn’t sign up for...

SINCE STRANGLING ISN’T AN OPTION…

Presented by: Sandra Crowe www.SandraCrowe.com for IMPA 301.770.7104. [email protected] Author I Didn’t Sign Up for This!: 7 Strategies for Dealing With Difficulty in Difficult Times

http://www.sandracrowe.com/

mailto:[email protected]

Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc.

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AGENDA

Intro Exercise: What do your difficult people do?

What all difficult people are looking for How to have the BLE of power Dealing With Difficult Behavior-

principles and action steps Putting it all together and bringing it

home


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WHAT DO YOUR DIFFICULT PEOPLE DO?

And what do you do in response? Does it work?


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WHY THEY(AND YOU) DO WHAT THEY DO Three Wants That Drive All Behavior: 1-Control(over self, others, schedule etc…

Overdone leads to micromanaging or controlling behavior)

2-Security(know your job is secure, things are “normal”, and you feel as if you know what is going to happen)

3-Approval(People like what you do, you are accepted and seen as good, talented, and valuable by the organization)


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POSITIONAL STATUS VS POWER STATUS Positional status is determined by the

organization, title, or others. It give one a certain type of power to make decisions, determine other’s destiny and weild power

Power status is determined by one’s self, what you decide, how you behavior, and how you react in scenarios that may be thrown your way. It is not necessarily dependent on external sources


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3 ARENAS TO “READ” WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Body- What does theirs/yours say?


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POWER LANGUAGE WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Feedback Language: Giving feedback without them realizing it: “I’m not sure if you’re aware of this…”

Forward Language: Move the conversation forward with a question: “What needs to happen right now?” or “What needs to happen next?” “What can you do to make that happen?”

Function Language: Making sure the mechanics are in place: “Who will do what by when? How will it get done? What other requests need to be made to coordinate this?”


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EMOTIONAL POWER WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

An emotionally intelligent person is in touch with his/her emotions and that of others as well.

FORR yourself: Find It For them: Open It *Exude Understanding Release it *Empathy is Excellent Rewire it *Elicit explanation

then act


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CHAT QUESTIONS

What is this bringing up for you? What are you seeing out of what we

have discussed so far?

Copyright 2011 PPT&C

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PRINCIPLES FOR DEALING… #1 REWARD IT REPEAT IT

You may be unconsciously rewarding behavior you want to stop by rewarding it. That may include: Yelling back, crying, getting angry/upset, giving them what they want, playing into their game or other. You must see this and stop it in order to shift the dynamic.


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PRINCIPLE #2 FOR DEALING: STRONGER OF 2 EMOTIONS DOMINATES

Make your positive stronger emotion dominate by: *Remembrance(or find something

about them you like) *Change the thought, change the

thinking: “That’s yours not mine” *Change the body change the feeling *Remember your center *Find someone you like


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PRINCIPLE #3: MOVE THE CONVERSATION FORWARD

When the conversation gets argumentative move it forward by doing one of three things: 1- Acknowledge what is 2- Make a request 3-Ask: What needs to happen next?


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DON’T S & DO’S FOR MOVING IT FORWARD

Don’t: *Tell someone they are an idiot. They already know it but won’t

admit it to themselves let alone you. *Argue with the jerk who needs to be right. You will never win and

may die trying. *Scream at the guy who loves to scream. He will feel like he hit pay

dirt and will come back for more later. Do: *Rise above to go beyond. Don’t play their game and you will be

happier. *Learn the phrase: “It’s not personal. Never is. Never was. Never

will be.” *Focus where you can on the more positive aspects of the

challenging person even though it may be like looking for a needle in the haystack. It will make it easier on both of you.


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WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS USE QUESTIONS TO MOVE THINGS FORWARD

For Yourself Use How questions: How can I make this work? How can I see beyond this situation? How can I learn from this?

With Them Use What questions: What do we need to do next? What will work to make this better?


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POLL: WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?

A. Find ways to move the conversation forward

B. Reward behaviors you want more of and less you want less of

C.Keep your emotion strongerD.A combination of a few aboveE. Not really sure yetF. What I was doing was working just fine


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HOW WILL YOU BE DIFFERENT?

What one new thought, behavior, skill, or action will you take on that will change something about you in relation to your boss?


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AUTHOR BY LINE

Sandra Crowe, MA, PCC, speaker, coach and author of “I Didn’t Sign Up for This!: 7 Strategies for Dealing With Difficulty in Difficult Times”. She speaks and trains on how to deal with difficult people and situations in your work and home life. For a free chapter of I Didn’t Sign up For This! go to www.SandraCrowe.com or [email protected]

http://www.sandracrowe.com/

mailto:[email protected]

presented by: sandra crowe for impa 301.770.7104. [email protected] author i didn’t sign up for...

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