press release- international fantasy football league


Post on 24-Jan-2017




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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEFOR USE AS DESIREDGridiron Gooses NFL UpdateInternational Fantasy Football LeagueAll-NFL NetworkRichmond,


(Brians opening statements)

Good morning, everyone. Thank you for coming out so early, but I wanted to get this press conference done in time for all of you to watch Donald Trump being sworn in as the newest President of the United States.

Theres still two weeks before the Super Bowl and there have already been major developments in the IFFL going into the 2017 season, of which I will share with you now.

First of all, I am elated beyond measure to announce that Brazil has entered the International Fantasy Football League competition. Brazil is represented by Mr. Pedro Henrique Rhormes and his So Paulo Titans. Mr. Rhormes is a 23 year veteran journalist covering numerous sports and is currently a reporter and editor for FOX Sports, commentator for STI Esporte and columnist at The Playoffs. Pedro attended the University Nove de Julho and Lynn University. In addition, Pedro is a Baltimore Ravens fan. To find out more about Mr. Rhormes, we have included a couple of his links.

Brazil becomes the 7th nation to compete in the IFFL, and by doing so, expands the league to include a 4th continent. Moreover, the IFFL now includes 3 of the worlds 5 most populated countries, with China ranked #1, the United States #3 and Brazil at #5.

More on Pedro:","

Another major piece of news is that Russias Alexey Karakay and Red Machine have stepped down for personal reasons. Taking Alexeys place is fellow-Russian Mr. Mikhail Rezakov and his Hackers. Some of you are already familiar with Mikhail, who originally introduced us to Alexey, and by doing so, was awarded Honorary Member status. Mikhail is an engineer and a graduate from the prestigious Moscow Power Engineering Institute. Mikhails main interests are women and the Chicago Bears, of which we shall all pray for Mr. Rezakov, Da Bearz and all the women in the world. Mikhail is also a Greek orthodox Christian in a country that once banned all forms of religion. By joining the league, Mr. Rezakov becomes the 15th team owner to compete in the IFFL.

More on Mikhail:"


MEDIA: Did you say Russias new teams name is the Hackers? Are you serious?

BRIAN: Yeah. I think Mikhails choice of names is hilarious. It shows hes creative and he has a great sense of humor. Anybody in America who is offended by Mikhails Hackers needs a lobotomy. I dont know if Russia had anything to do with last Novembers election. Personally, I dont care. I do know that the power of the United States has been jerked away from a conniving, corrupt, nit-witted government and has been put back in the hands of the American people. And that is a very good thing.

MEDIA: In your last press conference you said you were going to keep a second team in Mexico. Why did you change your mind and how does Jorge Boada feel?

BRIAN: Anytime you have the opportunity to pick up an additional country and/or another continent that takes precedence over a competing nation that already has multiple teams. Its just good, sound business. Besides that, Jorge doesnt mind. He seems to relish in the role of being the one and only representative for Mexico. He doesnt have to share the spotlight with anyone, much like Canada, Russia and Brazil, who also have one team, each. Brazils Pedro Rhormes is a good guy. Hell have fun and fit in nicely.

MEDIA: Have you found an agent yet?

BRIAN: Something is happening and thats all Ill say about that.

MEDIA: Give us your opinion on the playoffs, so far.

BRIAN: Very uneventful. The first six games were over by the start of the 4th quarter and I dont know if anyone heard the big thud last week, but that was the ratings dropping after the Packers upset the Cowboys. In fact, it was reported that the average ticket price for the playoffs sank by $1,000.00, each. No matter which teams make the Super Bowl, none would have generated the rating as if it had been the Cowboys and Patriots.

MEDIA: What do you think about the Democrats refusing to attend the inauguration and protesters trying to disrupt the event?

BRIAN: Stupid is as stupid does. It has been a long, unproductive eight years, years in which the Obama administration turned our country into a mosh pit; and they did so purposely. Everything B.O. touched turned to crap. But now, better days are finally ahead for this country. Law and order will be restored. Our military will be strengthened. People will be put back into the work force. Look, the Liberals arent upset about Russia and what influence they may have had on the election. Nor are they upset about Mr. Trump draining the swamp. The real reason why Liberals are upset is because a white man is retaking the oval office. And with that, who are the real racists and sexists? The Liberals.