Stepfamily Statistics

Approximately one-third of all weddings in the United States today create a stepfamily.

It’s predicted that stepfamilies will be the most common family form in the U.S. by the year 2020. An estimated 9,100 new American stepfamilies are created each week.

Thirty-three percent of all Americans are in a stepfamily relationship, including an estimated 10 million stepchildren under the age of 18.

The divorce rate for remarried and stepfamily couples varies but is at least 60 percent. At least two-thirds of stepfamily couples divorce, and divorce occurs more quickly in stepfamilies than first marriages.

About 46 percent of U.S. marriages today are a remarriage for one or both partners, and about 65 percent of remarriages involve children from the prior marriage, thus forming a stepfamily.

Source: Stepping In, Stepping Out: Creating Stepfamily Rhythm via Counseling Today article August 30, 2016

Birth Order Position

The place in the family based on the situation in which the child is born.

This place depends on factors such as number of years between children, disability, and death & miscarriage of siblings.

Generally discussed in traditional families.

Where an individual falls within their family has some influence on how they form their personality.

Ansbacher, 1964

Oldest Child

Some time is spent as an Only Child

Dethroned at some point – the time spent as an only before dethroned is an important factor in personality

Authoritative, Leader

Rules and Laws

Admire the past & negative outlook toward future

Greatest population of problem children

Ansbacher, 1964

Second Child

Has a pacemaker

Often more talented and successful

When dethroned, it is not so bad as they have already had to share with another

Is a revolutionary / competitive

Constant striving to overcome others

May be more than one second child

Ansbacher, 1964

Youngest Child

Never dethroned

Has pacemaker(s)

Usually passes older siblings

Tries to excel in everything

Usually spoiled

May feel the most inferior

Second largest population of problem children

Ansbacher, 1964

Only Child

Rival is father

Pampered or spoiled

Center of attention

Supported by others yet rules over them

Has difficulty sharing when an adult

Ansbacher, 1964

Other Sibling Situations

Gender differences

Cultural implications

Physical differences: attractiveness, deformity, organ

inferiority, etc.

Ansbacher, 1964

Family Constellation

Each person has their own place in the family

Each person is influenced by the actions of others in

the family

positive or negative

Private logic

Parents play an important role

Dreikurs, 1992

Changes in Family

Death

Divorce

Abandonment/no contact from biological parent

Moving far away from family

Changing schools/friends

Financial impact

Yours, Mine, Ours

Both spouses have children and all children live with them

Both spouses have children and only one set lives with them, while the others visit (weekends, holidays, vacations)

One spouse has children who live with them

One spouse has children who visit (weekends, holidays, vacations)

One spouse has children, then spouses have child(ren) together

Who all is involved?

Parents & stepparents

Siblings & stepsiblings

Half siblings

Grandparents & step-grandparents

All of the above on two sides of family (mom’s/dad’s)

Shuffling the deck

Oldest become dethroned….. again!

Babies move up in chronological order…. not fair!

Onlys have to ……. share?!?

And this is at dad’s house, what about mom’s house?

Constantly shuffling - instability

The age gap matters

If there is a bigger gap in age between sibling sets, the

less of an impact it will have on personalities

Some exceptions: chauffeuring, babysitting, older sibling

influences

The closer in age, or blending of ages, the bigger the

impact on family dynamics

“Blending” the Family

Be honest (within age, and within reason)

Discuss changes (together) before they occur

Do not expect everyone to be “happy” with the changes

There will be bumps in the road, expect them, have a plan for them

Regular family meetings

Validate feelings & emotions

Feelings

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References

Ansbacher, H. L. & Ansbacher, R. R. (1964). The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler: A systematic presentation in selections from his writings. New York, NY. Harper Perennial.

Carlson, J. D., & Robey, P. A. (2011). An Integrative Adlerian Approach to Family Counseling. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 67(3), 232-244.

Dreikurs, R. & Soltz, V. (1992). Children: the challenge: the classical work on improving parent-child relations – intelligent, humane, and eminently practical. New York, NY. Plume.

Eckstein, D. (2000). Empirical Studies Indicating Significant Birth-Order-Related Personality Differences. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 56(4), 481.

Eckstein, D., Aycock, K. J., Sperber, M. A., McDonald, J., Van Wiesner III, V., Watts, R. E., & Ginsburg, P. (2010). A Review of 200 Birth-Order Studies: Lifestyle Characteristics. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 66(4), 408-434.

Eckstein, D., & Kaufman, J. A. (2012). The Role of Birth Order in Personality: An Enduring Intellectual Legacy of Alfred Adler. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 68(1), 60-74.

References cont’d

http://ct.counseling.org/2016/08/behind-book-stepping-stepping-creating-stepfamily-rhythm/

Kluger, J. (2011). The sibling effect: what the bonds among brothers and sisters reveal about us. New York, NY. Riverhead Books.

Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., & Glenn, H. S. (2000). Positive Discipline for Your Stepfamily: Nurturing Harmony, Respect, and Joy in Your New Family. Roseville, CA Prima Publishing.

Popkin, M. & Einstein, E. (2007). Active Parenting for Stepfamilies: For parents & stepparents. Atlanta, GA. Active Parenting Publishers.

Stewart, A. E., & Eckstein, D. (2012). Birth Order Within Individual Psychology. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 68(1), 1-3.

Contact me:

Renee Devine

CoachReneeDevine@gmail.com