pupil support worker conference 2015 educational psychology service data label: public
TRANSCRIPT
Pupil Support Worker Conference 2015
Educational Psychology Service
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
OVERVIEWRules The grieving process
Ice breaker Tips from young people
Questions you came with Implications for children
Stats – half the story Discussion point
Factors that influence coping
Some initial thoughts
What does death mean? Where are we now and resources
Discussion Evaluation
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
RULES• Confidentiality - speaking for yourself• There are no stupid questions!• People can change their minds• Keep yourself safe – no one will be made
to say anything they don’t want to• Other rules??
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
ICE BreakerExperiencing little losses can help prepare us for big losses.
In twos or threes – talk to people about an early experience of loss you had. Teddy, the Hamster, a friend moving away.
Explain what happened and how you felt and then think about what people did that helped – or what they did that didn’t help.
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
What questions did you come with
today??Talk to the person sitting next to you –
what questions were you hoping would be answered?
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Statistics – half the storyFrom Winston’s Wish website
Every 22 minutes a child in Britain is bereaved of a parent which means that:
1. 1. Over 24, 000 children are bereaved of a parent each year in Britain
2. Approximately two children under 16 are bereaved of a parent every hour of
every day in the UK
3. Approximately one in 25 children and young people have experienced
bereavement of a parent or sibling
4. 6% of 5 to 16 year-olds have experienced the death of a close friend of the
family; this equates to 537,450 children in the UK
5. The incidence of childhood bereavement in youth offenders can be up to ten
times higher (41%) than the national average (4%)
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Coping depends on lots of factors
• Experience of loss• Support systems – ‘significant others’ (you)• Age – concept of ‘death’• Circumstances ‘Natural’ or not• Gender boys and girls men and women• Cultural permission to be sad/angry/scared?• Beliefs or not
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Concept of Death• Irreversible not just asleep. Around the age of
8 years depending on experiences Adult messages – if you are good … but what happens if something really bad happens???
• Inevitable - happens to everyoneHave we made our will, arrangements for when we die, discussed organ donation??
• Universal - all living things die eventually More abstract concept but depending on experience and maturity can be understood by around the end of primary.
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Discussion
• What age do you think you will be when you die? How come??
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
The grieving processDenial – has survival value as it enables us to carry on. Shock and numbing are other qualities of this stage as the situation is hard to ‘take in’.Anger – is an energising emotion and protects us from feeling weak and vulnerable while we struggle with the experience.Guilt and Bargaining – I’ll be good if only … I’ll never/always …Sadness – ‘depression’ is a normal reaction as the full experience of the loss is felt, accompanied by yearning to reconnect with the person who has been ‘lost’ or died.Adjustment – as the impact of this experience is ‘accommodated’.Resolution – the person is remembered as a real person with positive and negative qualities, not vilified or sainted.
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Tips from young people http://childbereavementuk.org/support/young-people/what-grief/returning-your-studies-or-workplace/
• Too many emotions? Share them• To take my mind off it - TV, play-station, go outside• Watch a good film or TV programme• Choose something that belonged to the person who died that you can
treasure• Listen to music that you like• Create your own space as sometimes it can get too much and you can feel
there is nowhere else to go• It's ok that sometimes you may want to talk about it and other times you
may not want to• Spend time with friends• Spend time with your pets• Write about or draw your thoughts, feelings and memories• Memory books or boxes can be really helpful• Think about all of the good times you had with them
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Implications for children and young people• Children go through similar stages in the grieving process to adults• They tend to dip in and out of the process. Granny died – can I go and play
now.• Talking to someone outside of the family can be very helpful, especially when
the family is bereaved. When one parent dies the other is emotionally not available either.
• Grieving always takes longer than we allow it to. • Children don’t ‘get over’ bereavement they learn to live with it – significant life
events without the significant person re-awakens the loss.• Supporting through the distress is needed, taking it away impossible!• Listen to what the child is asking rather than what you expect them to ask (or
are afraid they will ask)• It is OK not to know the answers – ask what they think• Most bereavement is resolved without ‘professional’ help
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Discussion pointYou are told that a 9 year old child you know well has been bereaved – a parent died at the end of last term and they are now coming back to school.
What do you think are the most helpful things you can do? There are no perfect answers!!
What is the worse thing that can happen?
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Some initial thoughts 1. Let them know you know something of what happened, as simply as possible. It
saves them having to tell you!! ‘I was sorry to hear about your Mum.’ Is good enough, they know what you mean.
2. Invite them into a conversation but don’t force the issue – ‘How are things at home now?’ ‘How are you finding school just now?’
3. Notice how they are but be respectful and propositional – ‘You look a little sad today, How are you feeling?’ Not ‘You are sad.’ They may just be thoughtful.
4. Children may well not want to talk about it at school – things may be intense at home!! Be as ‘normal’ as possible children value being the same as their peers.
5. Listen carefully to what they say – there may be an opening to have a brief conversation or just the fact that they felt heard can be enough for now!
6. Keep to routines sensitively, as much as possible - for security and stability.7. Answer questions i.e. ‘Do people go to heaven?’ With a question, ‘What do you
think?’ it is respectful of family beliefs and traditions.8. Try to avoid personalising things – I knew your Mum. Or the same thing happened
to me when I was your age!
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC
Where are we now and resources• Resources list – books like Badgers parting gifts or a good story book with
loss as a theme can help enable a conversation.• You can contact YoungMinds Parents' Helpline for free. You can call email or
chat to us online – whatever suits you best. www.youngminds.org.uk/0808 802 5544
• The Marie Curie website has useful information on age related reactionshttp://www.cancer.net/coping-and-emotions/managing-emotions/grief-and-loss/helping-grieving-children-and-teenagers• Another website full of resources appropriate for all ages is Grief
Encounterhttp://www.griefencounter.org.uk/?gclid=CMuQ1tn07sYCFQ3ItAodh0YCSA• A work-book for younger children can be accessed – it takes time to load!!http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/kids-zone/childrens-workbook/
DATA LABEL: PUBLIC