pyongyang panic a bill clinton adventure

8/7/2019 PYONGYANG PANIC a BILL CLINTON adventure

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PYONGYANG PANICa BILL CLINTON adventure

Written by

Daniel Pudding Casey

based on a true story

(c)2011 Daniel Pudding Casey [email protected]


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Panel Description Dialog

Page 1 IN WHICH THE SITUATION IS ESTABLISHED

1.1 A golf ball sails through the

air...

1.2 ...and lands neatly in thecup.

1.3 KIM JONG IL, still in followthrough position from his golfswing, reacts to his perfectshot. Off to the side, forcedto watch, are the two capturedKorean-American journalists,EUNA LEE and LAURA LING. Next

to them is a golf bag full ofother clubs. They are flankedby two North Korean soldiers,both armed with assault riflesand stern expressions. Toestablish their presence forlater, a couple of GOLF CARTSare way in the background.CAPTION denotes X-Files styleestablishing typewritery text.

KIM JONG ILExcerrent. Another hore in one.

Caption: KIM JONG ILS PRIVATEGOLF COURSE

Caption: JUST OUTSIDE PYONGYANG,

NORTH KOREA

Caption: AUGUST 4th, 2009 - 3:56PM

1.4 He lowers his golf club and

turns to face the women.Possibly do this one as aclose up of Kimmy-J.

KIM JONG IL

Impressed, radies?

1.5 He starts to stroke the cheekof one of the journalists,who will hereafter be referredto as the STROKED JOURNALISTand the UNSTROKED JOURNALISTaccordingly. But he cantreach, and has to settle forstroking her arm. The STROKED

JOURNALIST is beginning to cryand desperately trying to keepher composure.

KIM JONG ILPerhaps you are overcome withsexuar arousar.

KIM JONG ILJust get it out. Set it free.


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Page 2 IN WHICH BILL CLINTON EXECUTES A HALO JUMP

2.1 Elsewhere, in the SKIES ABOVE

NORTH KOREA, a small cargoplane or bomber flies throughthe air.

2.2 On board, BILL CLINTON strapson a parachute. Hes wearinggoggles. HILARY CLINTONemerges from the cockpit.

HILARY CLINTONThirty seconds to jump zone.

2.3 BILL CLINTON opens the slidingdoor in the side of the planeand looks out.

BILL CLINTONLong way down.

2.4 HILARY remains professional. HILARY CLINTONWell pick you up in South Korea,but youll have to get thereyourself.

2.5 HILARY CLINTON is overcome bya sudden burst of sincerity asBILL turns to look at her.

HILARY CLINTONGood luck, Bill. Bring them home.

HILARY CLINTONAnd...

2.6 BILL CLINTON fallsbackwards out of the plane(intentionally).

HILARY CLINTON...be careful.

BILL CLINTONAlways am.


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Page 3 IN WHICH AN AWESOME SPLASH TITLE PAGE IS PRESENTED

3.1 BILL CLINTON skydives toward

the ground in a suitablydramatic way. Title text andcredits somewhere it doesntobscure anything.

Caption: PYONGYANG PANIC

Caption: a BILL CLINTON adventure

Caption: (appropriate writing,penciling, inking, colouring, oilpainting, watercolouring, colourwatering, digital manipulation,bear blasting, holocaust denial,cake baking credits here)


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Page 4 IN WHICH THE SITUATION BECOMES DIRE

4.1 The STROKED JOURNALIST has

begun weeping uncontrollably,the UNSTROKED JOURNALISTattempts to comfort her. KIMJONG IL is doing he monologuewith his back turned. Perhapshes pacing around.

KIM JONG IL

Twerve years hard rabour is aharsh sentence.

4.2 He turns back to them. KIM JONG ILEspeciarry for two rovery radiesrike yourserves.

4.3 The UNSTROKED JOURNALISTbegins to look a littlehopeful, the STROKEDJOURNALIST is basicallyinconsolable but looks onthrough her tears.

KIM JONG ILNo. I cannot arrow it.

UNSTROKED JOURNALISTYou mean... youll let us go?

4.4 KIM JONG IL laughshysterically.

KIM JONG ILWhat? No. Dont be stupid.

KIM JONG ILYourr be joining my personarharem.

4.5 The UNSTROKED JOURNALISTmelodramatically holds theSTROKED JOURNALIST, who isnow breaking down. In short,draw this like the line isactually a super-dramatic NO,you CANT!!!

UNSTROKED JOURNALISTIm pretty sure youre not allowedto do that.

4.6 CLOSE ON: KIM JONG IL, evilincarnate.

KIM JONG ILAnd who is going to stop me?!

4.7 KIM JONG ILs back is to usas the UNSTROKED JOURNALISTpoints to something behindhim. The guards look liketheyre about to shitthemselves.


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Page 4 IN WHICH THE SITUATION BECOMES DIRE

4.8 Same angle, KIM JONG IL turns

to look. His face screams ohcrap

KIM JONG IL

oh


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Page 5 IN WHICH BILL CLINTON KICKS AN ENEMY OF FREEDOM IN THEFUCKING FACE AND PROCEEDS TO FUCK SOME FOOLS UP

5.1 BILL CLINTON has parachuted

down into view. He isreleasing his parachutefrom its harness, releasinghim from it and allowingit to float free. He issimultaneously kicking KIMJONG IL in the face. Thiscan be a drop kick or someother sort of kick, whateveryou think looks good. Eitherway, KIM JONG IL is knockedflying. If theyre in panel,the two JOURNALISTS should

be fist pumping or something.The soldiers should be fuckingpanicking. The general feelingof this panel is America,fuck yeah.

5.2 BILL CLINTON lands in anawesome crouch. KIM JONG ILhas been knocked some distanceaway, and is sitting up. Heis furious. Pants-shittinglyfurious.

KIM JONG ILBIRR CRINTON!

5.3 He looks at the two guards,who snap to attention andsalute.

KIM JONG ILKIRR HIIIIIIIM!

5.4 The first GUARD rushesforward, ignoring the rangedcapabilities of his assaultrifle. BILL CLINTON hasrisen to his feet and is in asuitably Captain Kirk fightingstance.

5.5 BILL CLINTON delivers atwo-fisted kirkpunch to theGUARDs solar plexus.


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Page 5 IN WHICH BILL CLINTON KICKS AN ENEMY OF FREEDOM IN THEFUCKING FACE AND PROCEEDS TO FUCK SOME FOOLS UP

5.6 ...and follows up with a

crushing right hook oruppercut, knocking the manoff his feet unconscious. Butbehind them, the second GUARDlevels his assault rifle atBILL CLINTONS back.

5.7 CLOSE ON: panicked STROKEDJOURNALIST

STROKED JOURNALISTMr. Clinton! Look out!

5.8 BILL CLINTON draws his gun and

james bonds a bitch.


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Page 6 IN WHICH BILL CLINTON IS SUAVE AS FUCK, BUT KIM JONG IL WITHTHE COCKBLOCK

6.1 The second GUARD crumples to

the ground and BILL CLINTONlowers his smoking gun.

BILL CLINTON

Please.

6.2 He takes the hand of theSTROKED JOURNALIST. She istotally enthralled.

BILL CLINTONCall me Bill.

6.3 Behind them, unseen andfurious, KIM JONG IL grabshis golf club.

KIM JONG ILNo.

6.4 He twists the handle and

withdraws a deadly swordconcealed inside as he risesto his feet. He pissed.

KIM JONG IL

NO!

6.5 KIM JONG IL charges at BILLCLINTON. with sword raisedover his head. The two womentake shelter behind BILLCLINTON, who looks somewhatbemused.

KIM JONG ILTHE RADIES ARE MIIIINE

6.6 BILL CLINTON looks at the gun

in his hand and shrugs. Its aphysical eh, whatever, dude.

6.7 BILL CLINTON fires, almostcasually, from the hip, as hedid when he smoked the earlierfool.


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Page 7 IN WHICH KIM JONG IL IS SHOWN TO HAVE 1337 SK1LLZ

7.1 The bullet moves in BULLET

TIME towards the charging KIMJONG IL...

7.2 ...and he pirouettes out ofthe way with the grace of adancer.

7.3 BILL CLINTON fires again, thistime using the sights, butstill one-handed.

7.4 KIM JONG IL spin jumps over

the bullet.

7.5 BILL CLINTON fires, twohanded and racked withconcentration...

7.6 ...and KIM JONG IL slices thebullet in half.

7.7 BILL CLINTON hurls his gunaway as KIM JONG IL leapsthrough the air with his

sword over his head. The twoJOURNALISTS have turned andare fleeing.

BILL CLINTONBullshit!


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Page 8 IN WHICH BILL CLINTON GETS HIS SHIT RUINED

8.1 BILL CLINTON rolls out of

the way as KIM JONG IL driveshis sword into the turf whereCLINTON was standing a momentago.

8.2 He DUCKS under a vicious swipeof the sword and backs up...

8.3 ...but TRIPS over the fallenGOLF BAG, falling BACKWARDS tothe ground.

8.4 He stares up at KIM JONG IL,who has his sword at histhroat. BILL CLINTONS handis groping for a golf club inthe bag he is lying on.

KIM JONG ILYou were foorish to come againstme, Birr Crinton.

8.5 KIM JONG IL grins evilly,content in his victory. Hebrings the sword away fromCLINTONS throat.

KIM JONG ILNow you wirr pay the urtimateprice. One!

8.6 He raises it to chest level... KIM JONG IL

Two!

8.7 And finally over his head,maniacal.

KIM JONG ILThree!

8.8 BILL CLINTON smacks him in theside of the head with a golfclub from the bag.

BILL CLINTONFore!


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Page 9 IN WHICH A HEART-POUNDING CHASE SCENE BEGINS

9.1 BILL CLINTON stumbles to his

feet, having knocked KIM JONGIL silly. The two JOURNALISTShave pulled up in a GOLF CARTand are frantically gesturing.The UNSTROKED JOURNALIST is inthe front seat, driving, theSTROKED JOURNALIST is in theback.

UNSTROKED JOURNALIST

Bill! Come on!

9.2 BILL CLINTON leaps intothe drivers seat as theJOURNALIST who was previouslydriving moves out of the way.

9.3 The GOLF CART speeds off,leaving KIM JONG IL to stumbleto his feet and shake hisfist.

9.4 The STROKED JOURNALIST leansforward from the back seat.

STROKED JOURNALISTHow are we going to get out ofhere?

9.5 BILL CLINTON is resolutelydriving. BILL CLINTONTheres a military airstrip a fewmiles from here.

9.6 The UNSTROKED JOURNALIST isskeptical but BILL CLINTONonly smiles.

UNSTROKED JOURNALISTI dont think theyre going tojust let us catch a plane.

BILL CLINTONI wasnt going to ask.

9.7 SUDDENLY, from BEHIND, twoGOLF CARTS come over the crestof a hill. They are full ofNORTH KOREAN SOLDIERS.

9.8 BILL CLINTON looks back grimlyover his shoulder and wrenchesthe steering wheel.

BILL CLINTONWere not clear yet. Everybodyhang on!


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Page 10 IN WHICH MORE FOOLS ARE FUCKED UP

10.1 the GOLF CART our heroes are

in skids off the fairway andonto a dirt road.

10.2 In one of the pursuing GOLFCARTS, a NORTH KOREAN SOLDIERpoints and yells somethingwhile the SOLDIER next to himaims an assault rifle.

10.3 Everyone in the HERO CARTducks as bullets ricochet offthe metal surfaces. CLINTON

fights with the wheel.

10.4 A second BAD GUY CART pullsup alongside them and theSOLDIER in the passenger seattrains his rifle on CLINTON.BILL CLINTON grits his teeth,and reaches inside his suitjacket, withdrawing a GRENADE.The UNSTROKED JOURNALIST takesthe wheel from him.

BILL CLINTONTake the wheel!

10.5 BILL CLINTON pulls the pin outwith his teeth

10.6 and tosses it into the BAD GUYCART

10.7 The NORTH KOREAN SOLDIERS inthe BAD GUY CART all PANIC

10.8 ...and then their CARTexplodes, sending the RIFLEthat one of them was holding

sailing into the air. BILLCLINTON catches it.

pyongyang panic a bill clinton adventure

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