Q1: OVERCOMING DESTRUCTIVE EMOTIONS & BEHAVIORS

Family Life Ministry Building Effective Relationship Skills

February is Lovers Month!• Valentine Day = Saturday, February 14• Recommendation = Couples Outing / Date Night• Spa, Lunch, Dinner, Massage, etc….be creative!

• Just the two of you! • I’ll check with wives afterwards if the men complied…

Text•Proverbs 16:32- He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. (NASB)•Proverbs 29:11 - A fool vents all his feelings,But a wise man holds them back. (NKJV)•Proverbs 15:18 - A wrathful man stirs up strife,But he who is slow to anger allays contention. (NKJV)

•What is an emotion?•How does our emotion impact our actions and reactions?•What is God’s expectation on how to handle our emotion?•How can we achieve a balanced emotional state in the family setting?

Questions for Tonight’s Study

Emotion•A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.•A conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body. (Webster)

Anger•Anger is an emotional response related to one's psycho-sociological interpretation of having been threatened. •Often it indicates when one's basic boundaries are violated. (Wikipedia)

Video (0-18 minutes)• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUfK8OWZ_fI#t=48

Lessons from the Jimmy Evans’ Video…•Anger is the most destructive force in marriage!•Yesterday’s anger is Toxic!•Holding on to anger destroys intimacy, passion, and optimism•Unresolved anger destroys the garden of your love!

Lessons from the Jimmy Evans’ Video…•Unresolved anger builds an intensity for future ventilation•Unresolved anger opens the door for the devil! (Eph 4:26)•If you go to bed on anger with anybody, you’ve been counseled by the devil and you don’t even know it!

God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger

Ephesians 4:26-27 (KJV)•26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:•27 Neither give place to the devil

God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger

Ephesians 4:26-27 (TLB)•26 If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; 27 for when you are angry, you give a mighty foothold to the devil.

God’s Standard - Dealing with AngerEphesians 4:26-27…

•It not that you may not experience anger…the sin is in nursing a grudge against anyone (spouse or others)•Don’t hold on to anger overnight – get it over quickly!•NB: When you are angry, you are nursing the devil’s counsel!

God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger

Ephesians 4:31-32 (KJV)•31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice•32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger Ephesians 4:31-32

•Let the resolution start with you!•It is your responsibility to put away (get rid of) anger…don’t wait for your spouse!

•Be tenderhearted not hard-headed!•Be forgiving…you’ve done worse to God and others, and you were forgiven!

Dealing with anger… 1. Confront the situation quickly• Eph. 4:26B - Don’t let the sun go down with you still

angry—get over it quickly2. Begin every confrontation with affirmation• The way you start a conversation dictates its end!•Prov. 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, But a

harsh word stirs up anger.•Prov. 16:24 - Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,

Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

Dealing with anger… 3. Communicate your thoughts and feelings without

pre-judgments•Don’t interpret others’ actions, you’re not in their mind!

4. Be specific about your concerns/hurts/complaints•What are examples of specific complaints?•What are examples of global complaints?•What is the difference?

5. Be cautious of your tone of voice when confronting anger/negative situations!

Summary•Anger is the most destructive force in marriage!•Yesterday’s anger is Toxic!•Holding on to anger destroys intimacy, passion, and optimism•Unresolved anger destroys the garden of your love!•Unresolved anger builds an intensity for future ventilation•Unresolved anger opens the door for the devil! (Eph 4:26)• If you go to bed on anger with anybody, you’ve been

counseled by the devil and you don’t even know it!•Questions: What are 5 keys to deal with anger?

Question & Answers

Prayer Points…•Father help me gain control/ruler-ship over my emotion by the help of The Holy Spirit•Holy Spirit teach and help me to effectively deal with anger, so that the devil will not have a foothold in my life