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Questions &

Quotations

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About the Author

Tanya Cross is an international speaker, counsellor and teacher. She has spoken alongside people like Dr. John Gray who wrote ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,’ Dr. John Demartini, Human behavioral expert and Brent Williams, founder of Tomorrow’s Youth. She has taught her own programs in 5 countries and she is the first Master Certified Demartini Method

Facilitator in Australia. Achieve amazing results with people, Tanya has successfully consulted one on one with thousands of clients, working with people on business, health, relationships, leadership and sexuality to transform any challenge and obstacle to create more certainty and presence of the mind, and gratitude and love of the heart. What this means for you is that this level of success is easily transferred to you.

Tanya has an art of communicating complex principles in an easily digestible manner to educate and empower you to live a more fulfilling life. Visit www.TanyaCross. Com/Consulting to learn more.

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The quality of your life is determined by the quality of questions you ask yourself.

A thirst for knowledge increases your wisdom, develops natural curiosity, and

helps you find meaning in life.

In Questions and Quotations, Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator shares a variety of questions asked over the years for you to learn and grow in

all 7 areas of life.

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Mental Q Struggling to find focus and inspiration around my work. What can I do? A One reason you could ne struggling is not having clarity of vision and direction, therefore it is difficult to see a connection in what you are doing now. Another reason is because you are doing low priority tasks and not doing high priority inspired actions. Get connected to your vision, your why in why you do what you do. Read your vision statement at the start of every day. This will reenergize you in your day and help you to get you focused and inspired daily. Any time you feel you are lacking focus or inspiration, reread your vision statement. It’s better than any pick me up you can have because it is the most inspiring and energizing words you can read. Sometimes you’ll have to complete tasks that you perceive as uninspiring according to your values and vision. Choose to either delegate it to someone who is inspired by the task or ask ‘how does working on (this task) serve/help/assist my vision?’ Ask and answer this at least 30 times, keep going until you see how what you are doing is helping you achieve your vision.

“Your life’s vitality is a reflection of your level of

inspiration, just as your physical breath is a reflection of your mental condition.” Dr John Demartini

Q I notice I get distracted in my day. What can I do to help stay on task?

A If you don’t fill your day with high priorities that are working towards your vision, your life will get filled with low task that that others dictate to you to distract you. Every day, every week, every month prioritize what is most meaningful, most important and work on that.

Q Is there a difference between saying "I need to be doing" and "I should be doing"?

A There is a difference between should and need. Need implies you have a desire to do it, it’s a necessity but doesn’t mean that it is meaningful. Should implies that an outer authority is expecting you to do I. You, not should but could, consider changing your language of need to love. Rather than saying "I need to complete this task" say "I would love to complete this task". Link what you feel you 'need' to do to your number one value and ask how it serves what you would love to do. Ask and answer this 30 - 50 times. By doing this you create an internal driver to fulfil the task, and you will notice your shift in thinking and your language. (you can do this for exercise, for healthy eating, for saving money… anything you like) Should is an injected value saying I should do what others want of me. But it's subordinating to others, or family to live in their

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values. Not in your own. Ultimately, you are building an internal unconscious resentment towards yourself and others. As a result, there is a big weight lifted off you when you say 'enough, I'm not doing it' but it accompanies guilt because you haven't broken the attachment to the 'should do it'. There are benefits and drawbacks to no matter what you do or don't do. When you hear yourself saying “should”, ask yourself who’s authority are you injecting? Father, mother, brother, sister, boss… Ask yourself is it something you truly want to do, or are you doing it to please someone else? If you truly want to do it, great, if you are doing it for someone else, work on the drawbacks of the perceived authorities acceptance until you see equal drawbacks to benefits of their acceptance.

Q My businesses have been a bit low the last few months. I'm not generating sales. It was running quite well up until a few months ago. I've done a fair amount of methods and linking around it but I just can't seem to attract people's interest. I also do affirmations and gratitude lists. I'm wanting to really attract a great clientele. Are there any tips you have? A Sometimes we can buy into the illusion that over the December, January period it's quieter (or whatever month in your industry). But that's not entirely true. Some businesses within field do well and others do not. Your money mirrors your values. What have you been putting more focus on instead?

Where has your attention being going towards? I see it time and time again in my own business when I focus on my other values, my clients disappear. When I focus on service and my clients, they reappear, literally, I will have a bunch of people ring me up in a matter of days and say they want to book packages. So how can you put more focus on your clients? On serving them more?

“When the voice and the vision on the inside is

louder and more profound than those on the outside, you have mastered your life.” Dr John Demartini

Q I find I start a project and do not complete it. What can I do to help me focus on one project so that it can begin generating its income and then move on to the next?

A Firstly, if you are holding yourself back your project it could be too big, and you don’t have the step by step actions to complete it. Imagine eating a cow in one sitting! No chance. You could if you ate a little each day. Chunk your project down and eat your cow! Take your time to break down your goal into the top 7 steps you can do to achieve the goal, the break those into the top three actions steps and eat your cow one bite at a time. Then once you have chunked it down, you can set goals. Goal setting can help you organize your daily thoughts, agendas and actions and keep you on top priorities.

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Ensure these are on your daily to do list. Goal setting can help you keep your mind clear and inspired and your body more proactive and yet relaxed. List keeping can help you develop habits that can provide you an advantage in your busy and competitive world. Once you have your goals, set a time frame which is realistic, put it in your diary to make you accountable because if not, you will not feel the pressure to do it. When you have a strategy in place, it makes it easier and negative self-talk will dissolve. It doesn’t matter how big your goal is, anything is achievable, if you chuck it down. The secret to success of a goal is all the strategy. Each time you achieve a part of your goal, you expand. Some projects will take months, years and even decades to achieve. You could use the linking process to guarantee its success. The more links you have your mind, the more you are likely to succeed. We all have goals. Some of these may be long-term or even lifetime ones, while other dreams or desires may be for more immediate gratification. Those that are for immediate gratification, you need to do more and more of the same to get the same rush. Setting goals which are in alignment with your values, you will be willing to embrace both pleasure and pain in the pursuit of and more likely to succeed. Too many items on to do list. Overwhelmed?! Chuck list into more manageable steps. Then link completing your project to your vision by asking ‘how will completing this project serve my mission. Keep asking and answering until you have so much

certainty in completing and you notice yourself taking steps to complete it.

Q How do I remove the voice inside me that says, ‘no you won't be successful, you won’t make it’? A You have one true voice inside of ourselves. One true voice is when we are authentic and congruent, not listen to the outer voices, but the wisdom of your own soul. Then you have many voices (parents, teachers, authorities) which cloud your judgement. Our true self wants the best for you, it would never say you can't, you won't. you shouldn't. The best way to clear any charges you have on yourself and others through introspection. It is important to remember that the more you clear charges, the less brain noise you will have and the clearer you will hear the one true voice inside of you.

Q Hi Tanya, when you say 'a line a day' using the Demartini Method, in which part of the method could it be? For example do I pick a trait and do a line a day with that, or pick a challenge, or look at what I'd like to be and focus on that..? A A line a day is Side A and Side B, one trait all the way across. I alternate Side A one day, then the next side B. Or one trait, one column each day at the very least. Always work Side A and Side B on the same person until you have completed 4 lines Side A and 4 lines side B).

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I recommend if you find it challenging to do a line, start with something basic like find the benefits of a challenge on one day, the next day find the drawbacks of something you infatuate with. You'll want to oscillate between the two because it's what you infatuate with which breeds what you resent. Working on both sides is vital. Many people only their challenges. Excellence is a habit. It's what you do day in day out that counts.

Financial

Q I have had unexpected expense in business this week. And big ones. What can I do? A Anytime you don't have order in your finances, you will receive unexpected bills. It forces you to add more order into your finances. Consider creating or refining your budget of all expenditures and forward plan your finances in more detail. You can be grateful for the expenses. What was it for? How did it help business? How did it help your clients?

“Money flows from those who can manage it to

those who can not” Dr John Demartini

Q I think I'm missing something... I was trying to model the Demartini method in regard to working towards financial

freedom by saving am up to saving 38% of income but it doesn't allow for when big bills come in like insurance etc

I'm wondering what everyone does cash flow wise when big bills come in.... e.g. insurance

Do you A) pay it all off from your savings then pay yourself back B) pay it off in instalments so it ends up being more expensive over the year C) pay it off from your savings... as I think I have been trying to save too much and it doesn't allow me to live properly when big bills come in. D) work more and create more income till you can pay off in one go

It feels bad holding out for ages as people tend to get the 'shits'

A Have you started with a complete budget for the year with all income and expenses, including reasonable allowance for "living"? Then and only then can you know how much you will be able to save. A realistic saving target taking everything into account is better than an unrealistic target you will never meet. It's wise to create cash cushions to cover expected expenses (and unexpected ones). I would ask for extensions from companies where you can (so you're paying yourself first) and lower your savings rate until you have an adequate buffer like 3 months' salary. It's all about the psychology of creating something you can stick to and stair-stepping every three months - even if it's a small amount to begin with.

“Something for nothing and nothing for something is

an illusion” Dr John Demartini

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Vocation

Q About to let go of full time job and step into my own business full time next year. Quite scared of the big lessons and potential financial lessons to come with that. A Have you considered what the big lessons might be? If you create strategies around the ‘lessons’ so you have a way to navigate your way through can help reduce stress in your new path? An example is "having my own business will creates financial pressure" Create an action plan around that. 1. Create a budget 2. List 100 benefits to being under financial pressure (be specific of a past event/s and find benefits there) The more you action the big potential lessons, the less fearful you'll be of them. If you do this with all the aspects you are scared about stepping into your own business, then you’ll see with a detailed plan and a drive, there is nothing to be scared about.

Q I am questioning do I start second business or not. My heart says "Go for it." Mind says "You have enough with one." A Consider linking the two together by asking how does business 1 serve business 2 and how does business 2 serve business 1.

When you ask and answer this question, you see that you’ll have one business not two, so you don’t have to split your time, energy and resources, but you see that you are working on the one business.

Q Do you read your vision at the start of the day and at the end of the night? Is there a benefit if one over the other or rather just the consistent habit of embedding your vision in your mind?? A I do it at the start to set my day up and at the end of my day, just before I go to sleep because I love to dream about it at night. ‘ Test, and see if morning, night or both what works for you.

Q I've been oscillating between wanting to grow then sell my business. I've had it for 20 years and my fear is staying the same in a small town. I write all the benefits to keeping my business and there's a lot. I get excited then lose my vision then get down. Oscillating in and out and then get frustrated because I feel like I'm staying the same. A How often are you looking at your vision? It's wise to connect with it on a daily basis. It helps to keep you connected with your why. When your vision is inspiring it will make the challenges worthwhile as you are willing to embrace both pleasure and pain in the pursuit of what is meaningful. Read your vision daily.

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Also, it sounds like there is a part of you wanting to be bigger and fearing staying the same. Even if you live in a small town you can be making a global impact. Ask yourself who you are serving and where you are making a global impact from where you are. Lastly, excitement is short lived because it's dopamine driven. Enthusiasm is long lived because it comes from within. I think I know you mean enthusiasm and you feel on path. It's just a small language change which will make a massive change.

“You motivate others best by not lighting a fire around them but a fire within them

Q I'm still finding it really hard to make specific links to my current job responsibilities and my vision. I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Should I just keep persisting or is there something else I can ask to see the situation more clearly? A Sometimes it can be difficult to make links because we have an unconscious motive not to like the role. We may fear that if we do it will keep us in the role longer and we may want out. What is the benefit of not liking your job responsibilities? Once you are conscious of the why, you can then shift and linking can be easier.

Q When pursuing something we love, there are, at least initially, many tasks to do that we don't "love", and finding the

energy to complete those tasks can be a real challenge... Is there a short form process to bring immediate focus to a supposedly non high value task... Like training or bookwork...? A Your problems sounds like you need to do a linking exercise. In any career, no matter how 'on mission' or you love it, there will be aspects you don't enjoy. It's always about your values as you need no outside motivation to do something of value. You can link how doing X is serving your number one value. Ask and answer 30 plus times until your actions demonstrate the change. Alternatively, delegate.

Q I find that most days I have this overwhelm feeling of 'I'm running out of time' or 'there is not enough time'. This happens especially when I think about the projects I desire to undertake. For example, there is a music project I'd like to complete but when I think about it, I think about how it's a 6-month project and get overwhelmed and do nothing. While I understand and appreciate that we need to CHUNK IT down, I can't seem to bring myself to even get to the point of chunking it down. I wonder if there is something driving my feeling of overwhelm? Could it be an infatuation/elation with the project that is causing the overwhelm to balance it? Or is it purely a case of linking it? Sometimes it's difficult working out your own emotions on something. Thanks in advance.

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A Some people are driven towards a goal and others are driven by pain towards a goal. Sometimes we require the pain of time, the pressure of running out of time to light a fire under us to get it done. Sometimes we will leave it to the very last moment before we take actions. Remember if we get overwhelmed and do nothing, we actually making a decision to not do it which is a decision in itself. When you are infatuated, we tend to do action and get started on it, so I'm not sure it's that. What's the fear about completing the project? Have you seen it on the way for you? You could also list the drawbacks of doing the project. Then you'll find out why you haven't.

“Don’t talk your talk, walk your talk”

Tanya Cross

Family

Q This question may fall under the heading of "benefits and linking for dummies" I was trying to "inspire" each of my teenage daughters to "list out the benefits of getting part time work" and "Linking it to their highest values". I was not so successful... Although, they had a go, in one case it was not enough to pull her from her pre-occupation, and withdrawn state. Is it a case of not the best method, or a case of keeping linking until....?

A There could be a few components in your daughters not wanting to work. There is a family dynamic. Over workers bread under workers. When one or two in the family work really hard, there must be a balance of the under worker not wanting to work. This dynamic is always there when you look. You find this in companies and in families too. Or there isn't a drive and desire for them to work. Meaning you financially support them and they don't have a big enough driver to earn money. Or they have a fear around working. If there is a fear of working, the fear can be cleared before linking because no matter how many links you make, the fear may not be overridden. “The purpose of relationships is to help awaken you to the inherent balance that exists within you and

around you, and to assist you in the acknowledgment of your own magnificence and wholeness” Dr John

Demartini

R Wow. Reading that was powerful. My brother has been the hardest worker in the family since I was very young. I've been balancing him out all this time. What is the best way to balance this him stepping down? A It is possible to have an empowered family. Your brother doesn't have to step down or slow down for you to speed up. You can break the label and see where he is not focused on 'work' and where you are.

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Social Q ”We are the 5 people we surround ourselves with.” How correct is this statement? A Stick your hand in a pot of glue, some of it will stick. Hang out with multi-millionaire mindsets, it stretches you. Spend time around people in business, you learn and grow from the different levels of discussions. Mirror neurons in your brain make it so that there is no difference between what you see in your outer world and what you experience in your inner world. When you see your friends doing some amazing things in their life, you know it is possible and stretch yourself to do the same.

We spend all our time and energy trying to change our external circumstance, trying to change our

spouses, our bosses, our friends, our enemies. We don’t have to change anything, we only have to love

more parts of ourselves.

Q What is your advice for introducing people to doing coaching? Not everyone goes to seminars, talks or learns about personal development, so I am curious what people’s ideas are on making that introduction to working on themselves to grow their business?

A Here are two tips. 1. I find sharing a personal story of my own lessons and learning that might be similar to them can help open the individual to the idea of wanting to know more. 2.

Caring enough to then sell it in the values will be helpful, so seeing what is most important to them, and sell it in a way that will want to know more.

Q My question is about relationships, both friendship and romantic/sexual. There are several people in my life who I would like to spend more time with, and they say the same of me and seem to be genuine. But other commitments and health seems to get in the way. Mostly from their side but probably a bit from mine too. Spending time with people is one of my top 2 love languages. I'm wondering what I can do to shift this?

A If your life doesn't demonstrate you spending time with a relationship and no matter what you try to do something comes up. It may suggest that there is a fear around relationships. Perhaps ask what is in the way of me spending time with this person. Ask it over and over again until you get insights into why it is the way it is. This way you will uncover the unconscious motive not to spend time with them. It could be because an avoidance to emotional closeness, not wanting to be hurt, fear of rejection as some examples. When other commitments come up it shows that other values are higher than relationships. You could link what comes up with relationships, so you have a greater degree of creating it in your life.

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Physical Q How do I increase my value on physical exercise and in following a healthier diet? A Your values will direct your actions. If your life doesn't demonstrate exercise or healthy eating than all you need to is change your values. How you do that is by linking how exercising will benefit each of your values. Ask and answer 30 times. Then explore the drawbacks of not exercise for each value. Ask and answer 30 times. Repeat the exercise with healthy eating. I'd consider the addiction process on the unhealthy aspects of food like overrating and sugar/processed foods (I know you don't eat processed food Nadia, it's added for others benefit) Remember your values dictate your destiny. Change your values and you change your life.

“Your physical vitality is directly proportionate to the

vividness of your vision” Dr John Demartini

Q I’m feeling very low energy. Need to get this up again before I can look at anything else. What first achievable step can I take in this direction?

A Are you doing the ABCs or XYZs?

When we do high priority tasks and living your values you create energy and loose it when we do menial tasks and low values. Your energy levels are a feedback to let you know which space you are playing in. Ask yourself what my highest tasks is I could be doing to fulfill my day and my vision. Watch your energy levels soar!

Q How does our emotions have an effect on our hormones? And if you have a problem with hormones where do you begin?

A Imbalances perceptions create an imbalance in your body and then creates imbalances in your hormones. Let's look at stress. It increases cortisol in the body and testosterone. The more stress you experience the more testosterone you have in your body. You can't manage your money without managing emotions. You can't manage your hormones without managing your emotions. The best way to stabilize your hormones is to stabilizes your imbalances perception. Find out how whatever is stressing you, is serving you in your life and your hormones can begin to rebalance.

Q What's the best way to help someone who has regular migraines? Completely bedridden and fuzzy eyesight along with it. A Migraines are about an internal conflict between expectations and their own values which creates challenge

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inside. Unpack what you believe your expectations are on yourself to live in one or a few of the 15 delusions.

1. Unrealistic expectation for others to live outside universal laws 2. Unrealistic expectations for others to live inside your values and outside of their values and punish them for not meeting your values. 3. Combination of 1 and 2 4. Unrealistic expectation for yourself to live outside universal laws. 5. Unrealistic expectation upon yourself to live outside their values. An example of this is financial freedom as 1% does it. And 100% want it and 99% put fantasy on their fantasies but don’t have the values on finances 6. 4 + 5 7. 3 + 7 8. Unrealistic expectation upon God to live outside universal law. You never have build without destroy, positive without negative. Peace without war. 9. Unrealistic expectation upon God to live inside your values. 10. 8 + 9 11 3, 6 and 10 12. Unrealistic expectation upon mechanical objects to live outside universal laws 13. Unrealistic expectation upon mechanical objects to live inside your values 14. 12 + 13 15 All of the above (sourced from Dr. John Demartini)

The migraine can be resolved by dissolving the expectation, seeing how your expectation has equal drawbacks and wouldn’t be better another way and appreciate life as it is. .

Q Any thoughts behind adrenal fatigue? A This is becoming a popular term for doctors to use with their patience. It's basically meaning you’re over stressed. When we are in fight or flight, which means that we are experiencing more challenge than support, more drawbacks than benefits for an extended period of time we can experience adrenal fatigue. But as we all know, this is a matter of perception. There is work to be done around the stressors and triggers. Once you become aware of what they are, if you find how it serves you until it's seen as a blessing not a curse then the adrenals will come back into balance.

Q I woke up still very congested and blocked and feeling really low in energy. Do I do the benefits with being sick or do I just ride it out, listen to my body and rest? A You could ride it out, however I have seen people work on the method and their symptoms disappear. As a start you can look at the benefits of being sick. You'll also want to look at the underlying cause. Cold/flu are a buildup of anger or overdoing it which runs down the immune system.

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If one or both fit, then you could look at what/who are you anger at, and what's your unrealistic expectation you have on them. And how does it serve you they are the way they are. If you're doing too much, ask what the benefits of are doing a lot in a day and then prioritize your day. Listening to your body is important. If it says rest, then rest.

Gain and Loss Q I lost my wallet with about $1100 in it last night.

A The master lives in the world of transformation, not in the illusion of gain or loss. Knowing you never gain or lose money, it just transforms, at the moment you perceived to lose $1100, what did you gain that is worth $1100? “The master lives in the world of transformation, not

in the illusion of gain or loss.” Dr John Demartini