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Discovering disrespectful or inappropri-
ate behavior occurring within your team
can be troubling. Addressing this con-
duct in a way that maintains team cohe-
sion can be a great test of a manager’s
leadership skills.
Disrespectful behavior has a negative
impact on employee wellbeing and the
workplace as a whole and can corrode
team morale, increase turnover, and
damage productivity. Disrespectful
actions to be alert for include:
u Passive-aggressive behavior.
People with passive-aggressive
tendencies may have difficulty
being direct about situations they
disagree with or dislike. Instead,
they may make sarcastic remarks
or drag their feet in completing
necessary tasks. Slowing down
work in a way that negatively
impacts a co-worker in order to
punish or inconvenience that
person is a form of passive-
aggressive behavior.
u Lying. Deciding when to address
lying is often a judgment call. You
may suspect that an employee is
not being truthful when he or she
gives a creative excuse for a sick
day or a tardy arrival, but without
proof you may not be able to do
anything about it. However, if a
pattern of behavior appears or
you catch an employee in an
outright lie, especially one that is
impacting the productivity of the
workplace, you need to address
it as a performance issue.
u Instigating. Some people
are prone to stirring up con-
flict around others. They
may say or do things that
cause controversy or cre-
ate hurt feelings and then
remove themselves from
the situation, leaving a
mess for others to clean
up.
u Gossip. It’s not unusual for peo-
ple who work together to put their
own “spin” on workplace events.
Providing as much factual infor-
mation as you can about work
situations and upcoming changes
is a good way to keep this sort
of gossip from taking on a life
of its own. However, when
gossip moves beyond the office
grapevine and involves the active
spreading of hurtful rumors about
an individual or group of employ-
ees, it can damage your team
and destroy morale. Remind
RecognizingDisrespectful Behavior
Inside:u Confronting Disrespect
u Management Consultation
1-800-634-6433 • mylifematters.com
your team that you expect its
members to treat each other with
respect and to speak up when
others make inappropriate state-
ments. If this doesn’t quell gossip
or a formal complaint is made,
consult with Human Resources
about confronting the employees
who are actively spreading
rumors. Depending upon your
organization’s policy, disciplinary
action may be indicated.
u Bullying. Bullies aren’t just in
schoolyards; they often continue
their behavior patterns into adult-
hood. A bully engages in a pat-
tern of intimidating or belittling
behavior, often using multiple tac-
tics, in order to exert power over
others. Increasingly, bullying
occurs in cyberspace (email,
texts, etc.) rather than in real
time. It may take time to recog-
nize a bully’s behavior patterns,
as experienced bullies may pick
targets who are unlikely to speak
up or use other means to dis-
guise themselves or their actions.
Once you are aware, it is your re-
sponsibility to quickly confront the
situation and take appropriate ac-
tion after consulting with Human
Resources.
u Undermining. This behavior
may comprise a variety of disre-
spectful behaviors. When an
employee seeks to actively un-
dermine or subvert the efforts of
a co-worker, he or she may be
doing so to gain some sort of
perceived advantage, either in
current work or with an eye to-
ward future promotion. When
evidence of undermining sur-
faces, it is important to confront
the perpetrator, but be certain to
consult with HR in advance and
have your facts straight.
Remember that disrespectful behaviors
are not always malicious in intent.
Some employees may engage in these
sorts of actions because it is the norm
in their personal lives, while others may
not have fully considered the conse-
quences that may result. When ad-
dressing these situations, keep your
focus on how the individual’s actions
affect the workplace rather than her or
his personal motives.
Suggestions for how to confront disre-
spect can be found on the next page.
In addition, LifeMatters is available to
provide consultation 24/7/365.
When you become aware that an
employee is engaging in disrespectful
behavior, it is important to intervene.
Acting promptly will increase the odds
that the employee can bring his or her
behavior back to acceptable levels.
Prompt action will also help to protect
your organization’s reputation and
decrease the risk of legal action
due to perceived harassment.
When faced with an incident of
disrespect, follow these steps:
1. Check your own feelings.
It’s important to set aside your
personal feelings about the em-
ployee’s actions. While it’s natural
to feel disappointed or angry
when you learn an employee is
behaving poorly toward others,
you have an obligation to remain
objective and focus on how the
inappropriate behavior is affect-
ing job performance and team
morale.
2. Consult with Human Re-
sources. Discuss the situation
with Human Resources and
review any relevant policies.
LifeMatters is also available to
provide guidance and emotional
support.
3. Meet privately with the
employee. Outline the reasons
for your concern. Be specific and
objective when explaining why
the behavior is not acceptable.
Sample language: “I have no-
ticed that you (list behaviors). I
am concerned about the effect
this behavior is having on our
team.”
4. Explain how the employee’s
actions affect the workplace.
Be specific about the impact it is
having, not just on those directly
affected by the behavior, but on
the team as a whole.
Sample language: “When you
are disrespectful to others, it
damages your ability to work with
both individual co-workers and
the entire team.”
How Do I Say That?Confronting Disrespect
5. Listen. It’s important to listen to
the employee’s explanation for
the behavior. While it’s reason-
able to acknowledge the possibil-
ity that another employee’s
conduct may have contributed
to the situation, keep your focus
on the individual’s actions.
Sample language: “Thank
you for telling me your side of
the story. I’d like you to consider
ways you could respond more
appropriately and demonstrate
respect toward others in the
future.”
6. Make a referral. LifeMatters
is available to address both an
employee’s performance issues
and any personal concerns that
may be impacting his or her
behavior.
Sample language: “LifeMatters
is a free, confidential service that
can help you address personal
and professional concerns. It’s
available 24/7/365.”
7. Set clear expectations. Out-
line your expectations for perform-
ance improvement. Be specific
about behaviors that you find
unacceptable.
Sample language: “I would
like you to (list specific improve-
ments) and to avoid (list disre-
spectful behaviors).”
8. Set follow-up meetings and
monitor the employee’s per-
formance. Outline any improve-
ments you have noticed in these
meetings. If the disrespectful
behavior occurs again, consult
with Human Resources for next
steps. Seek input from Human
Resources before taking any
disciplinary action.
Sample language: “Let’s meet
next week to discuss how things
are going.”
Dealing with disrespectful behavior is
often stressful. LifeMatters is available
to provide support and assistance not
just on a professional level, but on a
personal one as well. Call anytime.
ManagementConsultation
LifeMatters is available to help
with:
u Confronting an employee
about performance issues
u An employee’s personal
problem
u Suspected drug or alcohol
use on the job
u Interpersonal conflicts
between team members
u Establishing clear, attainable
expectations for performance
u Addressing crisis situations,
such as a violent incident, the
death of an employee, or a
natural disaster
u Your own personal concerns
u Any other work-related issue
LifeMatters offers professional
management consultation when
you need it, as often as you need
it. Call anytime.
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