Redirecting Children’s BehaviorMini-workshop

Presented byEtsuko Tsukagoshi

Redirecting Children’s Behavior(RCB) Instructor

About Etsuko

• In San Diego since 2002• Mother of 3 boys ages

7, 6 and 2 • RCB instructor • Cross-cultural marriage

consultant, Author of the book “Cross-Cultural Marriage: the First Year”, written in Japanese

About Redirecting Children’s Behavior(RCB) course…

• Based on the book ““Children: The Challenge” by Rudolf Dreikurs, MD.

• Created by Kathryn Kvols, author of “Redirecting Children’s Behavior” and the president of International Network for Children and Families (http://www.incaf.com)

• Etsuko currently offers live/skype/phone courses in Japanese and English.

Key Concept of RCB (that we cover today)

• Behavior = Communication• Encourage rather than reward• Fights = opportunity to teach conflict

resolution skills• Model what you want• Firm & Kind• Bonus: for our spirited child…

How do we know what’s up?

• Observe• Ask• Listen• Touch• Talk to others

Encourage rather than reward

• Encourage = talk to them like you are talking to your friend

• How do they find what they really like/want?• Internal motivation vs. External motivation• TED Talk by Daniel Pink “Surprising science of

motivation”: “if…then” works with simple tasks but not with creative tasks

Fight = Opportunity

• Sibling Fights can be a great opportunity to teach them conflict resolution

• If one sibling is displaying a behavior of a bully, is there someone in his/her life who is modeling that behavior?

I feel ________________________________

I want________________________________

How can we make this work for both of us?

Model What You Want

• What kind of characteristics do you want your child to have when they grow up?

• Are you displaying the behavior?

Firm & Kind

• Be kind because you respect your child

• Be firm because you respect yourself

• What do you need to do to be kind to yourself & others?

Bonus: for your spirited child

・ Written by Joe Newman・ Key Message:Parents these days are raising “Lions” = “children who are strong-willed, confident, self-assured and unafraid to speak their minds” while acting like lambs. Lambs can’t raise lions!!

Book: “Raising Lions”

Oneness (birth - 14 mo)

Omnipotence (- 3 years old)

Interdependence (after 3)

*According to the author, if kids remain omnipotent beyond age 3, it could result in various misdiagnosis of behavioral disorders.

“Meet the hand” approach

• Establish consequences• Follow through 100% of

the time• Very Important! Give

consequences without anger, judgment or lecturing to create connection

Parenting is a team sport

• Are you & your spouse on the same team?

• How are your conflict resolution skills?

• Connect first before discussing challenging topic!

It Takes A Village

Thank you!

Blog & Web-sitehttp://www.mypeacefulfamily.com(English & Japanese)Email:etsuko@mypeacefulfamily.com100 People Project*Offering free 30 min coaching!