Language has power, as do actions. What happens, though, when your voice is silenced. When the words you communicate and the emotions you express seem to carry no weight.

HEARTEnding an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship of over a decade last fall left me voiceless and in a downward efficacy spiral. For a while I allowed myself to feel shame for staying for so long, leaving me to question everything about myself. At times I felt voiceless and powerless. Yet, through finding the courage to lean on others and through the support of loved ones, I have been working to build my self-efficacy through resiliency. Through the love and support I receive from family and friends, I am learning to love myself and to rediscover my voice. I strive to live in a place of gratitude as I would not have gotten through last fall without the love of those around me.

Words carry so much weight, but what happens when you cant speak them? Cant articulate a thought? Cant verbally express an emotion?

HOMEIt took several years of appointments and tests before my father was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA). In some ways this diagnosis was a relief, as we could finally understand what was affecting his ability to communicate effectively. Of course, though, we knew that the journey ahead of us would not be an easy one. Over the past few years, I have watched my dad loose the ability to communicate entirely. What started as difficulty finding words has now become a silenced voice, an inability to comprehend and communicate with others, and most difficult to watch, a slow and steady march toward death. We can sometimes take for granted our ability to communicate ideas, thoughts, and emotions and to tell our stories. These things are at the core of building relationships and making connections. It is through love, strength, and togetherness that have helped my family along this journey. Sadly, my father is still voiceless and his days are limited, but we have found that through our closeness, we can continue to communicate via our love for one another and that together, we can overcome this challenging situation.

Language has power, as do actions. We must be thoughtful in what we say and informed in the way we act. All of this must begin with critical self-reflection.

HEADMy critical self-reflection journey this semester has moved me from a place of shame for my unearned privileges to taking ownership of these privileges and acknowledging how I may be actively or subconsciously contributing to systems of oppression. Critical self-reflection has meant practicing mindfulness in order to acknowledge such feelings, and to work through them, rather than oppress them. Including others in the journey has been powerful in processing and enriching reflection. Critical self-reflection is the first step in speaking out and taking informed action.

Language has power, as do actions. To leverage this power, we must be grounded in critical hope. HOPEInjustices and obstacles happening at a personal, community, and societal level can make it difficult to maintain hope. In the wake of the non-indictment in Ferguson and in Eric Gardners case, the concept of Critical hope feels even more necessary. Critical hope grounded in humanism can help provide clarity and meaning during the struggle and journey of striving to achieve a socially just world, knowing that such may never truly be achieved. Because black lives matter. Oppressed lives matter. And all peoples stories and voices matter. And until such things are fully acknowledged, critical hope must be maintained in the face of struggle.

Heart*Home*Head*HopeLeah PasquesiResiliency and self-efficacy are at the core of my evolving leadership philosophy, as is the yearning to enact positive social change. The concepts of resiliency and self-efficacy are components of leadership that I have come to appreciate through this course. Grounding my philosophy in these concepts has helped me to feel empowered, to be more confident in identifying as a leader, and has allowed me to practice more self-love. Such is why I choose to begin my piece with Heart. My evolving leadership philosophy does not need to be articulated through the formal word leadership. Instead, it is made up of smaller concepts, including the ones bolded throughout my piece. In breaking down the term leadership into these critical components, I believe that it becomes more accessible and relatable. Additionally, as Heifetz (2010) so beautifully articulates, most problem situations do not call for leadership (p. 14), which we often look to formal authority to facilitate, but instead, change can be facilitated by those within the community, those who can share their stories, as well as those who can work collectively and collaboratively. For me, seeing leadership through concepts such as love, story telling, and communication really allowed me to see my story and myself in the term leadership. Similarly, in thinking about leadership as it relates to ones heart, home, head, and hope reminds me of the fact that leadership is intricate, can operate in various spaces, and is directly tied to our stories. Thus, my evolving theory is grounded in my story and my own truth, as I shared in my poem, but it also understands the power of others stories. Sharing of our stories is empowering as it can foster community and relationship building. I have always acknowledged the value of building effective relationships in my persona life. Yet, it was not until this semester that I saw this as a powerful element of leadership. It is through our ability to make connections with others through our hearts, homes, heads, and/or shared hope, which may allow for community and coalition building and can help to facilitate movement toward social change. It is terrifying, though, when voices are stifled, whether it be as a result of an abusive relationship, a detrimental disease, or beyond the individual: as a result of the systems of oppression that privilege some and devalue certain groups of people. In the wake of the non-indictment in Ferguson and in Eric Gardners case, we are reminded of the chilling reality of this. We are also reminded that while leadership contains meaningful components such as the ones articulated above, we are operating within a larger system that privileges some while oppressing others. Maintaining critical hope while thinking of effective ways to respond to these injustices is vital. Thinking about the ways in which our own individual power, though critical self-reflection, and collective power, through our spheres of influence, is necessary in attempting to leverage power in response to such injustices. As a White individual, I am trying to be mindful of any actions and/or inactions I take in response to the recent non-indictments as well as how I talk to people in my spheres of influence about these injustices and the broader system in which they exist within.While my philosophy is ever evolving, I hope that my poem and this write-up will serve as a useful reminder for myself as I consider the ways in which this philosophy will translate into practice. I strongly believe that central to living out this philosophy is consistent critical self-reflection while continuing to engage with others, including those within the ELPS 419 community who can support me in my leadership journey, by maintaining critical hope, being open to sharing my story and hearing others, centering myself in the belief that I am a leader, and striving to make change through my spheres of influence. As I think about the work I do currently in my graduate assistantship as an academic advisor and future work with students, I intend for this philosophy to bleed into my work with students as I model and support students in their building their self-efficacy and resiliency.

Reference

Heifetz, R. (2010). Leadership. In R. A. Couto (Ed.), Political and civic leadership: A reference handbook (pp. 12-23). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.