relationship rewind
DESCRIPTION
Fix your relationshipTRANSCRIPT
-
RELATIONSHIPREWIND
Rewind Your Relationship Back To Bliss
Mens Edition
Ryan Rivers
-
CONTENTS
Dedication 5
Forward 6
Introduction 8 WhatIsRelationshipRewind? 9
UnderstandingtheDynamicsofaRelationship 10
WhyRelationshipRewindWorks 11
WheretoStartYourRelationshipJourney 14
TheStagesofRelationshipRewind 16
ReasonsforaRelationshipBreakdown 18
OvercomingtheFinalObjection 19
MyRelationshipRewindJourney21
1:MyRelationshipRewindJourney 22 MyStory:HowItAllEnded,MuchtoMySurprise 23
TheInsidersPerspective:WhatIDiscovered 26
TheConceptofGettingYourExBack 27
WhyIBelieveSheWillTakeYouBack 28
MyRelationshipRewindExperience 30
HowRelationshipRewindWorks 32
TheBigRelationshipRewindReveal 34
Keynotes 35
2:TheRelationshipBreakdown 36 LoveStory:TheRelationshipBreakdown 37
WhatIstheRelationshipBreakdown? 38
WhatHappensAftertheRelationshipBreakdown? 40
MovingOnFromaRelationshipBreakdown 41
IdentifyingtheChoicesYouWanttoMake 46
Keynotes 48
-
3:RelationshipDecay 49 LoveStory:RelationshipDecay 50
WhatIsRelationshipDecay? 51
RelationshipDecay:CaseStudy 52
ThePhasesofPost-RelationshipDecay 55
HowtoFeelBetterAboutRelationshipDecay 57
WhyRelationshipDecayOccurs 59
TheSignsforRecognizingRelationshipDecay 61
WhyYouMustStopChasingIndifference 63
Keynotes 65
4:DeathsDoor 66 WhatIsDeathsDoor? 68
MovingAwayFromDeathsDoor 70
IntroducingtheFalseFriendship 72
CriticalKnowledge:TheFalseFriendshipFailureRate 73
WhattheFalseFriendshipisNot:TheFriendZone 75
InitiatingtheFalseFriendshipDuringDeathsDoor 76
Keynotes 79
5:TheMagicLetter 80 WARNING 81
WhatistheMagicLetter? 82
InitiatingtheMagicLetterDuringIndifference 83
AnExampleoftheMagicLetterinAction 85
TheMagicLetterBreakdown 87
WhytheMagicLetterIsSoEffective 92
Keynotes 94
6:Drift 95 WhatIsDrift? 97
HowSheWillApproachtheFinalStagesofDrift 100
HowDriftCanLeadtoIndifference 101
AvoidingaNegativeBondingExperience 103
AlwaysApproachwithaPositiveBondingExperience 105
Keynotes 107
-
7:Switch 108 WhatIsSwitch? 110
HowtoTellWhenSheIsInSwitch 111
HowtoChallengetheSwitch 113
ThingstoAvoidDoinginSwitch 116
CaseStudyPart1:SwitchinAction 117
CaseStudyPart2:TheProblemwithSwitch 119
Keynotes 121
8:Bliss 122 WhatIsBliss? 124
RealLifeExamplesofBliss 125
EmotionFirst,LoveLater(EF,LL) 127
DetonatingtheBacktoBlissBomb 129
IntroducingtheILoveYouLadder 131
HowtoUsetheILoveYouLadder 132
Keynotes 135
Conclusion 136 TrulyBenefitingfromtheRelationshipRewind 137
TrulyBenefitingfromtheRelationshipRewind 138
YourRelationshipRewindUsersGuide: 139
LivingandLovingwithBliss 140
WillSheLoveYouAsYouLoveHer? 141
GoodLuck! 142
Glossary 146-149
Bibliography 150
-
5To my loving wife, best friend, and shining star, Thank you for teaching me how to love, for proofreading into the early hours,
and for giving us a second chance.
To my friends, who, when convinced I had lost my mind, did not turn their backs on me, and saw me through the nights
when I couldnt stand to be around myself.
To my Mom and Dad, who constantly showed me what true love can be, and for reminding me never to let love go if you
are blessed enough to find it too.
Dedication
-
6Forward
Sometimesyoufindabook,andsometimesabookfindsyou.Forme,
RelationshipRewindwasthelatter.
Ihavereaddozensofrun-of-the-milldatingbooks,allfilledwiththesame
clichdsuggestions.Rightoffthebat,Iwassurprisedtofindthiswasnot
thesameBS.Then,asIputthesuggestedtechniquesintoaction(admittedly
somewhatskeptical),Iwasamazedtofindmyrelationshipwithmyex
changing.
Ididnthavetochasehertowinherback.
Ididnthavetokeepcallingandtryingtobreakdownherbarriers.
Instead,afterusingtheRelationshipRewind,sheunexpectedlyaskedmeto
meetupforadrinkoneday.Fromthere,everythingclickedintoplace.We
starteddatingafewweekslater,andnow,afteralmostayear,wesetadateto
makeitallofficial.NotonlydidIwinherback,butalsosomewherealongthe
waywediscoveredwhatlovecouldbe.Whatitcouldhavebeenallalong
ForthosestartingtheirRelationshipRewindjourney,Irecommendtaking
actiononthetipsinthisbook.Icallitajourneybecauseittrulyisaneye-
openingadventure.MyonlyregretiswaitingtostartuntilafterIhadfinished
reading.Lookingback,Irealizedhowmuchprecioustimehadpassed.Now,
insteadofworryingaboutfailing,IembracethewomanIloveandknowthat
nomatterwhathappenswewontbecomeanotherfailedrelationshipstatistic.
Ifyouarelookingfortruthful,directadviceabouthowtogetyourexback,
youvefoundit.Imnotsayingthisisaninstantaneouscure,becauseitisnot.
-
7Theauthorunderstandswhatyouarefacingandofferspracticaladvicetohelp
youovercomeeachchallenge.Onceyouprogressthroughthecustomizable
phases,youarerewardedwithasecondchanceandsomuchmorethanthat.
RelationshipRewindtaughtmethatitispossibletogobackandchangethings,
butitonlyworksifyoureallywantitto.Ifyouarecommittedtowinning
herback,thenthisbookwillhelpyou.Ifyouarejustlookingforwaysto
fillthevoidinyourheartorspaceinyourbed,thisisnotthebookforyou.
RelationshipRewinddoesntworkthatway.Itsallabouttakingwhatwas
there,andbringingitbacktolifesothatitsstrongerthanever.
Myadviceistobehonestaboutthechangesyouwantandappreciateyour
journey.Itsanincredibleopportunitytobecomethemanyouhavealways
wantedtobe,andtheoneshewillalwayslove.
AnthonyP.Relationship Rewind Member
-
8Introduction
-
9INTRODUCTION
RelationshipRewindisauniquemethodofrestoringeventhe
mostbrokenrelationships.Itoffersyouanopportunitytocorrect
experienceswhereyouorshemayhavedonesomethingwrong,
soyoucanrestoretherelationshiptoaplaceoflove,affection,
andintimacy.Insteadoffeelingrejectedandabandoned,
youcanuseRelationshipRewindtoundoanydamage.Itsso
effectiveitsasifthedamageneverevenhappened!
Itchangeshowyouandyourpartnerrespondtooneanother,
removingthefrictionthatoccursduringtheRelationship
Breakdownphase(you will learn about this in Chapter 2).No
matterhowtraumaticthatexperience,itispossibletogoback
intimetoaplacewhereyouarethecenterofherworld.Italso
givesyoutheskillstoidentifyproblemsastheyarise,soyoucan
dealwiththemproductively.
Thisalsopreventstherelationshipbreakdownfromhappening
again.
ThebestthingaboutRelationshipRewindisthatyoulearnto
usepositivereinforcementtorewardherforreturningtoBliss.
Insteadofdrivingheraway,youencouragehertocomebackto
astateofBlissonherown.Itteachesherthatyouaresomeone
What Is Relationship Rewind?
The act of rewinding a relationship to a time of complete happiness. Furthermore, this act prevents conflict from occurring.
RelationshipRewind:
-
10
INTRODUCTION
sheenjoysbeingaround,andbuildsanaturalyetdurable
attraction.Whenyoulearnthecorrecttechniquestorewardher,
shewillbelievesheisinstigatingthereturnofyourrelationship.
Thisisacriticalobservation,asmostmentrytoconvincetheir
extogetbacktogether,butendupmakingthingsworse.They
driveheraway,andneverwinheraffectionback.
Understanding the Dynamics of a Relationship
Arelationshipisthesocialbondwedefinewithapromiseora
vow.Itdemonstratesthatyouandshearesomethingmorethan
individualsare.
Inarelationship,youfeelownershiptowardsyourpartner.
Shefeelsthesameforyou.Whenyourenotinarelationship,
youstillshareexperiences,memories,thoughts,andfeelings
foreachother.Ifsheisnotexpressingthesefeelings,theyare
inactiveordormant,buttheyarestillthere.Thesearethetrue
essenceofarelationship.Youwillreceiveactionabletechniques
throughoutthisbooktohelpyoureactivatethispotential.
Afterarelationshipends,womenmoveasfaraspossible
fromtheemotionaltrauma.Thisiswhyyoumaybelievethat
reversingarelationshipisimpossible.Youcanprobablyfeelher
detachment.Manymenwronglybelievethisistheworstthing
thatcanhappen,asitfeelsirreversible,butyoullbesurprised
tofindthisisnottrue.Evenifshewontansweryourcallstoday,
thereishopefortomorrow.
-
11
INTRODUCTION
Howyoureacttoherneedfordistanceisthedecidingfactor.
ThisiswhatRelationshipRewindseekstoexplore.Itsallabout
returningtothesameemotionalpage.
RelationshipRewindignitestheblissfulfeelingsfeltwhenfalling
inlove.Theseemotionsrewardherforpursuinganactive
relationshipwithyou.Ifshelovedyouonce,shestilldoesorcan
learntoloveyouagain.Itdoesnotmatterhowlongyouwere
togetherorhowmuchtimeyouhavebeenapart.Thebeautyof
theRelationshipRewindisthateventhemostheartwrenching
ofbreakupsbecomepossibletoreconnect.
Itdoesntmatterifsheisfilledwithangerandhate,orifyou
haventspokeninyears.Everyrelationshipcanberewound.Im
abouttoshowyouwhy.
Why Relationship Rewind Works
Whilemanyofthesetipscansustainarelationship,thisis
notyourtypicaldatingadvice.Theinformationyouareabout
toreadiscontroversialandfrowneduponbyotherso-called
datingexperts.ThisisbecausethepurposeofRelationship
Rewindistogetyourexback,notsomethingallexpertsagree
on.Manywilltellyouthatsomethingsarebestleftinthepast,
orthereareplentymorefishinthesea.
Webothknowotherwise.
-
12
INTRODUCTION
However,Iwillgiveyouthiscautionaryadvice:
Inordertobesuccessful,youmustbe100%sureyourrelationship
isworthsaving.Icannotemphasizethisenough.Theseradical
techniquesonlyrewindahealthyrelationshipfoundedinlove.If
therewasnolove,youhavelittletoleverage.Itisnotimpossible,
buttheresultswillnotbeasstellar.Thisisbecausethetechniques
thatyouwillbeusingawakentheemotionsthatshehasalready
felt,andbringthembackintoaction.
Itisalsowisetonote:
ARelationshipBreakdownisatraumaticexperience,nomatter
howlongyourconnection.Thefresherthoseexperiencesare,the
lessaccurateyourabilitywillbetodecideifshewastrulyThe
One.Icannottellyouifshewasorifyourrelationshipisworth
saving,butneithercananyoneelse.Youaretheonlypersonwho
canmakethisdecision.Nowisthetimetobeginlookingatyour
relationshipobjectively.
Askyourself:
Areyouunconditionallycommittedtowinningherback?
Doyouknowwithoutadoubtthatyourlifeismuchbetterwhensheisaround?
Iftheanswertoboththesequestionsisyes,thengreat!Youare
alreadyonyourwaytoseekingRelationshipResolve.Thisiswhen
youstoplookingattheRelationshipBreakdownasanimpossible
task.Instead,youdiscoveranopportunitytomakethingsbetter
thanever.Itisthisnecessarymindsetyouwillneedingoing
-
13
INTRODUCTION
forward,andonethatwillbegintosparkherattractiontoyouonce
more.
Thesetechniqueshavehelpedtransformhundredsofrelationships
andcanhelpyoutoo.Wewillbelookingateachin-depthin
thecomingchapters.Fornow,acknowledgetheirexistence
andembraceknowingthatyouhaveanarsenaloftoolsatyour
disposal!
Thetechniquesthatwillrewardherforchasingyouandembracing
heremotions:
1.EmotionFirst,LoveLater2.TheFalseFriendship3.TheBlissBomb
Inthisbook,youwillalsoexploretheRelationshipMechanismsI
call:
1. Drift
2. Switch
3. Bliss
Inaddition,IwillteachyouwhatDeathsDooris,andhowyoucan
moveawayfromtheseescalatingRelationshipKillers:
1.RelationshipDecay2.RelationshipBreakdown3.DeathsDoor
-
14
INTRODUCTION
RelationshipKillersaresilentbutdeadlyfeelingsthatoccurunder
thesurface.Theyonlyshowtheirfacewhenitsatthefinalhour,or
aftertherelationshiphasended.Knowinghowtospotthesebefore
thatmonumentaltime,andlearninghowtosettherelationship
backoncoursetoBlissmeansneverhavingtofacetheendagain.
ThesearewhatmaketheRelationshipRewindsoeffective,andwe
willbeexploringtheseconceptsfirst.
Inthisbook,youwilllearnhowtotransportyourrelationshipback
toabettertime,whereconversationandsexhappenedfreelyand
passionately.Whereargumentswererare,andwhenshelooked
atyouwithasparkleinhereyethattoldyouwithoutdoubt,you
aretheonlymanforher.Thesetechniquesencouragehertocome
backtotherelationshiponherownterms.Shefeelscompelledand
thatitstherightthingtodo.
UnderstandingtheseRelationshipMechanismsandknowingwhen
toactarethesecrettowinningheraffectionandadorationfora
lifetime.
Where to Start Your Relationship Journey
AsmostRelationshipBreakdownsinvolvegivingeachother
space,gettingbackonspeakingtermsisthebestwaytobeginthe
RelationshipRewind.
Thetechniquesmostguysusedriveheraway,nomatterhow
goodtheirintentions.LearningtocreateaFalseFriendship
ensuresyoudonotmakethesemistakes.Ifthissoundsimpossible
orstrange,youwillbepleasantlysurprised.Thisisnotonly
remarkablyeasytodo,butalsoverypowerful.CreatingaFalse
-
15
INTRODUCTION
Note:Withoutthisunderstand-
ing,creatinga
FalseFriendship
becomes
impossible.
Friendshipgivesyouacommunicationchannelsoyoucanusethe
stepsinthisbookeffectively.
Thefirststepwearegoingtotakeisoneyoucandoonyourown.It
willhelpbringclarityintoyourlife.
Whetheryoubrokeupyesterdayorlastyear,youarehanging
ontoemotionsthatcauseallsortsofsideeffectsinyourlife.Your
anger,jealousy,resentment,andotheremotionsaredrivingher
away(possiblywithoutyouevenrealizingit).Bylettingthesego,
youcreateadeepsenseofRelationshipResolve.Youwanttoreach
thiscriticalpointofacceptanceofwhathashappened,withthe
confidencetomoveforward.
ThisRelationshipResolveisalsorequiredtousethetechniquesin
thisbookactionably,andoffersaclearmindsettomakethecorrect
judgmentcalls.
Icannotsaythisenough:
Winningherbackbecomesonethousandtimeseasierwhenyou
areemotionallyresolved,andabletoseetherelationshipina
positivelight.
Thisispreciselythetimetobeexcitedandevencurious,because
youareabouttojumpofftheledge.Gettingherbackwillbequite
anadventure!
-
16
INTRODUCTION
The Stages of Relationship Rewind
ThestagesoftheRelationshipRewindareeasytoimplement.They
aredesignedtohelpyoustartfromthemomenttherelationship
ends,tothemomentyouarebacktogether,andcanbeusedat
everypointin-between.Allyouhavetodoispinpointwhichphase
youareinandreadthatsection.Eachsectionwillleadyouback
intoBliss.Thisiswhyshefeelscompelledtomovetherelationship
backintoanactivestatusonherterms.
Beforewecanfullyunderstandthat,Iwanttohelpyouseekyour
RelationshipResolve.ByunderstandingwhytheRelationship
Breakdownoccurred,youwilleachbemoreresponsivetothe
followingtechniques.Ihopethatbybeginningtounderstandwhy
therelationshipbrokedown,orwhereintheprocessyouare,you
willfeelempowered.Considerthesenextpointsclosely,andaimto
findoutwhereyourrelationshipended.
-
17
INTRODUCTION
HereAreTheThreeMajorStagesOfTheRelationshipBreakdown:
1. RelationshipDecay:
Thisphaseiswhereyoumaybegintofeeltherelationshipis
notashappyorasblissfulasoncewas.Itisoftendifficultto
pinpointwhythatis,butthefeelingsofitsnotquiteright
becomeincreasinglytangible.Allrelationshipsthatarenot
inastateofBlissexperiencesomedegreeofRelationship
Decay.
2. RelationshipBreakdown:
WhentheRelationshipDecaybecomesnoticeable,you
moveintotheawarenessphasecalledtheRelationship
Breakdown.Thisiswhenyouorshemaytakeconsiderable
actionsbasedonthosenegativeemotions.Youmaybe
arguingfrequentlyorgenerallymovingfurtherapart.This
canleadtoanofficialbreakup.
3. DeathsDoor:
DeathsDooroccursafterthebreakup,andisanintense
phaseofsheerfrustrationandconfusion.Thehopeof
reconciliationfeelssmall(thoughthisisfarfromimpossible
tochange).Shemayormaynottalktoyou,butsheisset
inherresolve.YouareonDeathsDoorwhenyousheseeks
completeindependencefromtherelationship.
Itisimportanttopointoutthatwhilethesesoundserious,and
theyabsolutelyare,theyarenotimpossibletoovercome.Youhave
thetoolsyouneedtoovercometheseeasily.
-
18
INTRODUCTION
Whileitcanbedifficulttothinkbacktothattime,itiscriticalforthehealing
process.Thinkobjectivelywhereinthisseriesyouare,andhowyouarenow
interactingcomparedtowhenyouwereinyourrelationship.Nowthatyou
knowthesephasesexist,itshouldinspirecuriosityintowhytheyhappened.
Wewillbecomingbacktotheseinmoredepthregularly,butfornow,accept
them.Studythem.Findpeacewiththem.
Reasons for a Relationship Breakdown
Itdoesntmatterhowrich,attractive,orsuccessfulyouare,orhow
longyouweretogether,breakingupisanunpleasantexperience.
Ithasthepotentialtomakeyoufeeldifferentnegativeemotions,
whichcanmakethesituationfeelworsethanitappears.Youmay
feelangry,feelingsoffailure,orhelplessness.Thesevaryfrom
persontoperson,andnoneiswrong,buttheymustbeovercome.
Imabouttoshowyouhowthatispossible.
Whatmightsurpriseyouisthatinalmosteverycase,humansonly
breakupfortworeasons.
TheTwoMajorReasonsBreakupsOccurAre:
Youwereinadifferentphaseoftherelationshipthanher
Therelationshipwasntemotionallyrewarding.
Whenyouareintwodifferentphases,communicationand
compromisearedifficulttoreachasyoueachhavedifferentgoals.
Thiscanleadtothesecondreason,whichoccurswhenoneorboth
peoplefeelthattherelationshipisnotmeetingthedesiredgoals.
Youmayexperienceoneorbothofthese,butthefactremainsthe
same.Youweremovinginadifferentdirection,anditcausedan
-
19
INTRODUCTION
emotionalresponsethatputtherelationshipinjeopardy.
Asthesetwopointshaveinfiniteoutcomes,howyouapproach
themwillbedifferent.ThisiswhytheRelationshipRewindoffersa
customizableplan.
Onlyyouknowwhyyourrelationshipended,andwhichhighsand
lowsitexperienced.Theseanswersunlockthesecretsonwhether
youareinSwitch,Drift,orBliss,andhowtorespondaccordingto
thisbook.Perhapsyouwereunhappy,andDriftedonyourown
withouttalkingtoheraboutthosefeelings.Maybeshemade
adecisionwithoutyouthatleftyoustranded.Eitherway,the
outcomeremainsthesame.
Appreciatethesefeelingsofawareness,theywillbringyouclosure.
Onceyoufindthereasonwhy,youcanfollowthestepsprovided.
Overcoming the Final Objection
Ifyoustillfeelyourrelationshipisdoomedorhopeless,youmust
learntoventureonwithpositivegoalsinmind.Youwillnotbeable
tousethestepsinthisbookifyourdoubtandanxietyovershadow
yourloveforher.Forthisreason,Ihaveincludedabonus,which
givesyouinstantaccesstomyMindCalmtechniques.Thesewill
improvehowyouarefeeling,soyoucanstartonasuccessfulpath
torelationshipsuccess.
-
20
INTRODUCTION
ToaccessMindCalm,pleasevisittheRelationshipRewind
MembersAreaandclickonMindCalm.Alternatively,youcan
clickthelinkbelowandloginfromhere:
https://member.dicarlocoaching.com/
Oneofthebiggestpiecesofadviceistoaccepttimepassingand
useittocreatehealingandunderstanding.Youbothneedtime
toprocessyouremotions.Thereisonlysomuchyoucando
withoutpushingheraway.Ifyouchargeinnowwithoutthecorrect
mindset,orwithoutfullyunderstandingthetechniquesoffered,
yourisklosingherforgood.Therestyoumustleavetotimes
capablehands.
Youwillbeuncoveringthemagicbehindthesetechniquessoon.
RyanRiversCreator of The Relationship Rewind System
Remember:TheRelationship
Rewindisnot
amethodto
winherback
overnight,butto
winherbackfor
good.
-
21
My Relationship Rewind Journey
1
-
22
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
WelcometotheRelationshipRewind!
Beforewejumpintothegoodstuff,Iwanttotakeamoment
tointroducemyself,andtellyouabitaboutmyRelationship
Rewindjourney.Ihopethatbyreadingaboutmyexperiences
andthoseofmyRelationshipRewindclients,youwillbehopeful.
Youwillseewhyeventhemostdevastatingrelationshipswere
healedusingpositiveactions.Youwilldiscoverwhytheseactions
inturnweresoremarkable,andwherethoserelationshipsnow
are.
Thiscanbearewardingtime,butonlyifyougointoitwiththe
rightmindset.
Attheendoftheday,loveshouldbepleasurable.Enjoythese
storiesattheirfacevalue.Weallmakemistakes,buthowwe
confrontspeaksloudly.Norelationshipisperfect,butitcanbe
closewhenyouknowhowtorewardthepositives.Youshould
alwaysbemovingtowardsapositivegoal;otherwise,youare
justsettingyourselfupforarelationshipdisaster.Thisiswhywe
talkaboutmovingforwardtoBlissusingpositivereinforcement.
Sowiththatsaid,Iwanttotellyouaboutthenightitallwent
wrongforme.Thisisntaneasystorytoshare,butonethatis
necessarytounderstand.
Chapter 1: My Relationship Rewind Journey
-
23
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
One night, home from work late and exhausted, I arrived to discover the living room torn apart and in its place, an assortment of boxes and suitcases scattered across the floor. There, above the
chaos and confusion was my childhood sweetheart. She was
teary eyed and moving around with a phone secured to one
shoulder as she threw her stuff into various containers.
Had it been any other night, my amusement at her ability to hit
every shot would have made both of us laugh. She wasnt the
most agile creature, often tripping and falling. She called me
her savior, and joked that I should paint a red cross on my white
horse.
As she set the phone down, she jumped, now realizing that I had
entered. Her usual carefree smile and welcoming arms were
replaced with a stern, How much did you hear? I shrugged,
and playfully asked if she was hiding something from me. Her
expression was one that I will never forget, and as she stared
vacantly into the wall behind, it finally dawned on me.
What she said next was unbelievable, Im going to stay with
friends; Ill come back for the rest soon.
Memories flashed before my eyes, retracing the steps back as if
somehow, my brain could work out what went wrong and figure
out how to fix it. I couldnt find any answers. She explained she
had wanted to leave before I came home. She didnt mean to
hurt me, and apologized for the mess, but as fast as she said it,
she was gone.
My Story: How It All Ended, Much to My Surprise
-
24
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
In the weeks that followed, I never could understand what went
wrong.
I started avoiding others in a hopeless attempt to hide my pain.
It wasnt right that she should be free, leaving me behind. We
swore that we would be together forever. Nevertheless, as
the ring I intended to give her sat mockingly in my pocket, I
wondered what forever even meant.
It was all gone she was gone.
When I saw my friends, they said I had to get a grip; I had to get
over her.
For the first time, I knew they were wrong. I had to win her back.
It was as if the decision sprang forth and was so obvious and
crystal clear. I felt free. Instead of falling into a sullen slumber,
I cleared off a desk and began to rush around looking for clues,
ideas, anything that would help me win her back. Unknowingly, I
had found my Relationship Resolve.
Over the following months, I did everything I could to make
contact with her. Her friends were kind, but I knew they were
screening her calls and hiding her from me. If we could just sit
down and talk, I knew she would see how big a mistake she had
made, but it was futile. In trying to contact her, it felt like I was
only driving her away.
I still had no idea why she left; the unanswered questions were
driving me crazy
-
25
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
One night, as I was looking back through old photos, wondering
how she came to be mine, it finally dawned on me.
She had chosen me.
I had been shy in high school, something that despite my best
efforts remained true to this day. She had had many suitors, all
promising her the world, and when she sat by me in class, she
smiled easily when I accepted her offer of help; it was as if she
didnt need saving, she wanted to save the world. When she
wanted to be with me, thats when the real magic happened.
Suddenly, everything changed in that moment
I realized if I wanted to win her affection, I had to use that same
method.
One that would make her want me back. It was no use trying to
chase her down. I would end up rejected like those other guys.
She would put up her defense and become leery (something
I couldnt stomach thinking about). When I thought back to
that fateful day, I was reminded of how simple and easy the
conversation flowed
It was then that Relationship Rewind was born.
-
26
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Irealizednomatterhowmuchyoulovesomeonethereare
certainstipulationsthatmustbemet.Especiallyifyouwantto
hertoloveyouinreturn.
Sheisnotgoingtotakeyoubackbecauseyoufeelacertainway.
Shewilltakeyoubackthoughifshefeelscompelledtobewith
youagain.ManyRelationshipBreakdownsleavetwopeopletorn
apart.Itsnotbecausethelovedied,butbecauseoftheway
theywereinteracting.Also,itispossiblethatsheleftbecause
shefelttherelationshipwouldneverwork,andashardasthat
maybetohear,shemayberight.
Adecisiontoendyourrelationshiphasbeenmade,butideas,
opinions,andfeelingschange.Ispentmonths,almostyears
figuringoutwhatmakesastrong,groundedrelationship,
andIamlearningallthetime.WhatIdoknow,isthatwhen
somethingchallengingappears,theRelationshipMechanismsin
thisbookcanhelpyoureactinapositiveway,andgettheresults
youwant.Itgivesyouthatfreshperspective,andnewwayto
approach.
Thatsthebeautyofwhatyouaregoingtoread.Youwillseethat
everythingaboutyourrelationshipisopentochange.
The Insiders Perspective: What I Discovered
-
27
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Whatyoumustrealize,isthatgettingyourexbackisan
inaccuratephrase.Whatyouwanttodoismakeyourexwant
youback.Thereisamassivedifferenceincoercingsomeone,
andthemtakingactionontheirown;andtheresultsareequally
different.Ifyouconvincehertocomebackintotherelationship,
sureitmightwork,butonlyforashortwhile.Thecrackswill
soonbegintoemerge.
Instead,whenyoulearntomakeherwantyoubackwithout
feelingguilt,regret,oranyothernegativeemotions,Iam
confidentyouwillseethesameresponsivenessthatIdid.
FindingoutwhytheRelationshipBreakdownoccurredisone
offirstquestionsyoumustanswer.Then,discoverhowto
igniteattraction,passion,andemotionalbonding.Theseareall
amazingwaystosharehowyoufeelwithoutpushingherway.
Also,indoingso,youwillbeputonapedestalaboveallother
men.
Womenareborntonurtureandprotect;itcallstothemona
biologicallevel.Thatisnottosaywomenwanttodatesomeone
weak,farfromit.Nevertheless,ifyoucanmakeherfocustime
andenergy,thenyourebuildabondthatisalmostimpossible
tobreak.Thesetechniqueshavepassedrigoroustestingand
arethebackboneofRelationshipRewind.Moreover,theyhave
helpedcountlesscouplesreunite.
Ifoundthatbyrewindingtherelationshipbacktothetimewhen
youwerebothenamoredwithoneanother,yougettheBliss
The Concept of Getting Your Ex Back
-
28
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
back.MeaningyouwillalsobypasstheRelationshipBreakdown,
whichenablesyoutostartfreshwiththeworryofitallgoing
wrong.
Manydatingexpertswoulddisagreewiththeseideas,but
forus,ithasproventobethemostsuccessfulandrewarding
method.
Shelovedyouonce,andthereisthestrongestpossibilityshe
stilldoes.Herlove,inspiredfrommonthsoryearstogether,did
notsuddenlyvanish.Itisntpossibletowakeuponemorning
andfalloutoflove,nomatterhowmanytimesyouwishitso.
Thesamegoesforher.Theeffortrequiredtogetoverthose
emotionscantakeastaggeringlylongtime.Infact,Iwas
surprisedtofindthiscantakeyearstohappen.
Thentherearesomepeoplewhoneverfalloutoflove.For
them,thosefeelingsareasstrongforalifetime.Whyisthat?
Thisisbecauseloveisnotamereemotion,butaconnectionwe
buildwithsomeoneandisdependentonbiology.Thehormones
OxytocinandVasopressin,createafeelingoflove,aretwoof
themostpotentchemicalsinexistence.Thesechemicalsbond
amothertoherchild,andyoutoamiserableexistencewithout
herbyyourside(BBC2009).Whenyoucreatetheintoxicating
passionhormones,Dopamine,Serotonin,andNorepinephrine;
youproduceaBlissBombthatfeelslikeanexplosioninher
brain.
Why I Believe She Will Take You Back
-
29
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Thesechemicalscreatethefeelingthateverythingismagical.
Theseincredibleemotionsthrowussorecklesslyintolove;we
oftenoverlookthefactthatthereisanartandascienceto
fallinginlove.TherealbeautyisthatdespitetheseRelationship
Mechanisms,itfeelsremarkablyeasyandnatural.Allthese
emotionsandfeelingscanbefoundoncemore.Ithappenswhen
youlearnhowtomakeherheartandbodysurrenderfirst.
Whatisevenmorestaggeringisthatthereisnocureforlove.
Theonlyknownwaytocrackapairbond(afeelingofoneness
betweentwosubjects),isbyremovingonehormone.When
scientistsattheUniversityofIllinoisremovedVasopressin
fromtestvoles,theywantedtoseeifvolescouldbondwithout
hormonalinfluence(Velasquez2013).Thesurprisingresults
concludedthatonlyinthisextremecircumstancewasitpossible
toremovelovecompletely.Thismeansthatthetruedesireto
runfromBlissismissing.
AsitisimpossiblethatsheremovedtheVasopressinfromher
body,shecannottrulyfalloutoflovefromyou.Sheisstill
bondedonanemotionallevel,evenifshedoesntwanttobe.
However,therewasasecondshockingrevelationfromthis
study.Whentheoncematedvoleswerereintroducedto
Vasopressin,theyfellinlove.Itwasinstantandtheresults
happenedasiftheyhadneverparted.Thebondthatwas
therewasestablishedatabreakneckspeed,andlastedforthe
durationoftheirlives.Scientistsbelievethathumansworkinthe
samewayastheyconnectusingthesamehormones(Perlman
2013).
Voles:Asmallrodent
resemblinga
mousebutwith
astouterbody;
alsoknownas
afieldmouse.
Theyarea
notableanimal
modelforits
monogamous
sexualfidelity,
sincethemaleis
usuallyfaithful
tothefemale.
Vasopressin:Ahoromonethat
afterintercourse
isreleasedinto
thebodythat
createsthe
desiretostay
withhismate
-
30
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Whenmentoringmen,whocouldntunderstandwhytheir
relationshipended,somethingextraordinarydawnedonme.
Womenarepatient,butnotimpossiblyso.Ifyoudonotrealize
whatisgoingwronginyourrelationshiporwanttomake
amends,thenyouriskherwalkingoutwithoutsomuchasa
glanceback.Itisyourresponsibilitytomakesureyoudonotgive
herunnecessaryreasonstoleave.
Thisiswhythatburningdesiretoknowwhatwentwrongisso
important.Itisnatureswayofsendinguparedflagthatyouare
missingsomethingcritical.
Yes,relationshipsworkonmutualattraction,trustandrespect.
However,youneedtoknowhoweachofthesexesisdifferent
too.Thesedifferencesgiveyouthekeyingredientstohelpguide
therelationshipbackontothetracksofsuccess.Justas,you
canleadahorsetowater,butyoucannotmakeitdrink;you
canprovideanOasisintheharshdesertthatbegshertotake
advantageofherdesireforyou.Itshumaninstinctatitsfinest
andmostauthentic.
WeallhaveVasopressin,andyes,weallhavethispotentialto
reconnect.However,menandwomenignitethesechemical
explosionsincompletelydifferentways.
My Relationship Rewind Experience
Thismeans,ifyoutriggerheremotionalconnectionandflood
herbodywithVasopressin,shewillbebondedagaintoyouand
onlyyou.
-
31
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Noonefollowsaspecificformulatofallinlove;thatsthemagic.
However,justlikeamagician,therearetriggersthatoccur
behindthescenesforthetrickoflovetohappen.Youmight
thinkthatknowinghowtoconcealatrickwillmakeyourmagic
successful,butatrueshowmanisabletotakeitastepfurther.
Hemakessomeonebelieveinmagic.Whenyouunderstandhow
womenuniquelyfeelthismagic,everythingclicksintoplace.
Itsnosecretthatwomenrespondonadeeplyemotionallevel,
buthereiswhythisobservationissosignificant.
Menarevisualcreatures,whichmeantheytrytoshowtheir
affection.Womenneedtobetoldandaffirmedofthisdesireto
feelandunderstanditspower.Whenyoulearnhowtouseher
languageanddesire,youunlockthemysterythatplaguesmost
men.Ifyoufollowthesesuggestions,shewillbehookedonyou.
Youwilluselanguageandactionsthatresonatewithherona
uniquelybiologicallevel,activatingheremotionalresponse.
Inotherwords,nowisyouropportunitytocreatethesameawe
asthemagician.
Whenshefallsforyou,aBlissBombwillexplodeinhermind.
Thispowerfuldevicewillsetaseriesofeventsintomotionthat
willbondyoutogetherforalifetime.Itcallstoherbiological
mechanismsandmakesyouirresistible.WhatIfailedtomention
though,isthattheBlissBombisalsohighlyaddictive.Infact,
ithasshownthesameneurologicalresponselevelsasdrug
addiction,hencewhywecallloveintoxicating.
Thatmeans,anytimetheBlissbeginstodwindle,youcan
-
32
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
RelationshipRewindisaneffectiveprocessthatteachesyou
howtorewind,rekindle,andrestartyourrelationshipinaway
thatdoesntholdontothepast.Itgivesyouacleanslateandthe
opportunitytofindloveagain.Itdoesntdiminishwhatyouhad,
butshowsyounewwaystofeeltheemotionsyoualreadyhave,
andturnthemintoasolidfoundationforanewrelationship.
IwillintroduceyoutoRelationshipDecay.Thisisthe
subconsciousstageoftheRelationshipBreakdown,which
createsemotionaldamageandunrestwhenBlissisnotpresent.
ThisisthefacilitatorforaRelationshipBreakdown.
TheRelationshipBreakdowniswhereconsciousawareness
ofRelationshipDecaymanifestsasargumentsoranofficial
breakup.Theseactionscanlandyouinthehigh-riskzonecalled
DeathsDoor.
DeathsDooristhemomentwhenyourealizeyouwant
yourrelationshipback(afteranofficialbreakup),butshe
hasaresolvetoremaindetached.Youfeellikeyouareatan
impossiblestandstill.
IwillteachyouaboutmyRelationshipMechanismscalled
Drift,Switch,andBlissandshowyouhowtoavoidcommon
RelationshipKillers.
How Relationship Rewind Works
Note:DeathsDooris
astagewhere
youcouldlose
herforeverif
youdonottake
considerable
care.Thats
nottosay
overcoming
thesehurdlesis
impossible,but
itdoesrequire
mastery.
reactiveyourBlissBombandrevealyournextsliceofmagnetic
attraction.
-
33
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Thesetechniques,whenusedcorrectly,preventRelationship
Decay.
Iwillteachyouhowtoturnthosefeelsofdetachmentand
unrestintodesireandBliss.Thisisremarkable,asitalsoreduces
therisksoftherelationshipfailingagain.
Turningyourdatingstatusbackonisaboutmakingherfeel
compelledtorestorethefoundationsofyourrelationship.
Otherdatingadviceonlyhelpsyouchaseherdownandwin
herbackover.WhenyouknowhowtoSwitchherperspective,
youwillrewardherforchasingyou.Thenshewillrealizeallthe
incrediblethingsshehasbeenmissingandyearningfor.Itstops
youfromfeelingthingsareimpossible,replacingtheminstead
withjoy.
Finally,IwillteachyouhowtoinitiateBliss.Whileitisimportant
toletnatureworkitsmagicandallowthesefeelingstotranspire,
therearewaystokick-starttheprocess.
ThiswillalsobecomeatalkingpointinChapter3,whereIwill
showyouhowtoreversetheeffectsofthemostimpossible
feelingsofRelationshipBreakdown,DeathsDoor.
Thesearethefeelingsofabsolutejoythatyouoncehadforeach
other,whichmanybelievetobeatemporaryHoneymoon
phase.Thesefeelingswillmakeherfallforyouagain,andIwill
teachyouhowtokeepthepassionaliveforaslongasyouwant
it.Blissisincredible,necessary,andthemostpotentdatingtool
youwilleverown.Itisalsoincrediblyeasytoactivate,nomatter
howdoomedyourrelationshipfeels.
-
34
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Whenyouapplythesestepstogether,somethingremarkable
happens.Ittookmebysurprise,yetIseeithappeneveryday.
Peoplecometomeandtellmethattheirrelationshipsare
stronger,morepassionate,andbetterthanever.Myclients
aregratefulforasecondchance,andarefortunatetohavean
opportunitytoputtheirrelationshipbacktogether.
Thesestepsalsousepositivereinforcement,whichseemsto
workonadifferentlevelthananyotherdatingadviceIhaveever
seen.
WhenyouactivatetheRelationshipRewind,youmakeitfeel
likeitisherideaandthatsheisgoingtotakeyouback.Iknow
thissoundsridiculous,butwhenyoustopchasingherandstart
rewardingherforinstigatingarelationship,youwillbeamazed
athowresponsivesheis.Allshewantstodoiscall,thinkabout
gettingbacktogether,andhowbreakingupwasamassive
mistake;nomatterhowangrysheis,trustme.
Whatyouhaveinyourpossessionisapowerfultoolspecifically
designedtowinherbackandkeepherthistime.Inorderforyou
togetthemostfromthistool,Iwantyoutogointothesesteps
withapositiveattitude.Nowisthetimetoleaveyouremotional
baggageatthedoorandstepintoaworldofopportunity.This
canbeanextremelyrewardingtimeandImreallyhappyyouare
joiningus.
The Big Relationship Rewind Reveal
-
35
CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY
Attheendofeachchapter,Iwillincludekeynotes.Whileyoucan
getthroughthisbookinafewdays,understandingthenecessary
stepswilltakelonger.Noonebecomesamasterofanythingina
fewdays.
Comebackandreviewtheselessonsoftentogetthemostoutof
them.
UnderstandingwhatcausedtheRelationshipBreakdown
isimportant,butwillnotstandinthewayofpositive
reconciliation.
Withoutunderstandingwhereyouareemotionally,thesteps
youtakewillonlydriveheraway.
AlwaysgointotheRelationshipRewindwithapositive
mindset.
Ifyouareunabletothinkclearlyandobjectively,thenclick
ontheMindCalmlinkbelowforfurtherassistance
TheRelationshipRewindwillteachyouhowtoactivate
dormantorinactivefeelingsinher,soherdesiretocome
backtoyouwillbenatural.
RelationshipRewindwillprovideyouwiththenecessary
stepstosparkherattraction,whilepreventingRelationship
Decayfromoccurring.
Keynotes
35
-
36
The Relationship Breakdown
2
-
37
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
AaronandEmmagottogethertwosummersago.Hewas
attendingaconferencewithsomebigshotcompany,and
washopingtolandtheperfectdeal.Hehaditallinfrontof
him,andwasanambitiousgo-getterwhoquicklyoutgrew
hissmallruraltown.
Oneofthegirlshemetattheconference,Emma,kept
intouch,andasthingscontinuedtogohisway,their
connectiongrew.Itwasntlongbeforetheyweredating,
andAaronwascallinghometosayhewouldntbebackfor
awhile.
Astheweeksturnedintomonths,Aaronwouldcalland
sharealltheawesomethingshewasdoing,whileEmma
wasrighttherewithhim.Theysoundedincrediblyhappy.
Likeanyyoungcoupleinlove,frequentFacebookposts
showedphotosoftwohappypeopleenjoyingtheirlife.
Afterawhile,theupdatescamelessandpeoplerarely
heardfromAaron.Theythoughtitwashisdemanding
careeranddidntthinkanythingofit.Asthemonthsturned
intoayear,peoplebegantalkingagain.Theyallassumed
Aaronwaslivingthegoodlife.
WhattheydidntrealizewasthatheandEmmahadbroken
up.TheRelationshipBreakdownhadtakenatollonhim.
Love Story: The Relationship Breakdown
IntroducingAaronandEmma:
-
38
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
Aaronwasworkinglonghoursandturneddownthe
opportunitytomovetothenextbranch.Hehopedthatby
stayingintown,heandEmmawouldfigurethingsout.
Thatswhenanunexpectedphonecallarrived;onethat
madeitapparentwhatAaronhadreallybeendoingforso
long.
To be continued
TheRelationshipBreakdownisnotthetimewhenyoudecideto
endtherelationship,butthetimebeforeanimpendingbreakup
whenthingsareadmittedlydifficultandtense.TheRelationship
Breakdownisalsothenoticeabletimeduringorafterthe
RelationshipDecayhassetin.Thisphasehappenswhenthe
cracksinyourbondbecomeobvious.Althoughthelengthof
thisphasevariesbetweencouples,feelinglostiscommon.
WhatisweirdabouttheRelationshipBreakdownismostcouples
lookbackandcaneasilyseethatthistimewasthemomentthe
What Is the Relationship Breakdown?
The sensitive time when you acknowledge the end of your relationship is near. Often, this phase leads to an official break-up.
RelationshipBreakdown:
-
39
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
relationshipstartedending.Yetitisusuallyoverlookedatthe
time.ThisisbecauseduringtheRelationshipBreakdownyoufeel
happyonsomedaysandworseonothers.Itisntusuallyuntil
aftereverythingissaidanddonethatmostmenlookbackand
wonderhowdifferentitcouldhavebeen.
Youmightrealizethatthingsshesaidwerenotonlytrue,but
alsodrenchedwithemotionalturmoil.Youmightseehowyou
reactedinwhatappearedaperfectlynormalway,couldhave
beentakeninadifferentcontextwiththisnewlight.Thatsthe
powerofhindsight,andwhyIalwaysadviceallowingasmuch
timeaspossibletopass.Itcanbethemostrevealingwhen
lookingbackontheRelationshipBreakdown.
ThegoodnewsistheRelationshipRewindgivesyouaunique
opportunitytocorrectthosecracks,bysimplybeingawarethey
exist.
However,itisimportantnottokickyourselfabouthowobvious
theyarenow.Yourfeelingsarealwaysfluctuating.
Theopportunitiesnowopentoyouareessentiallytheopposite
oftheRelationshipBreakdown,whereyoubegintofeelbetter
everyday.
-
40
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
ManymenactquicklyafteraRelationshipBreakdown,without
realizingthateveryaction(nomatterhowgoodyourintention)
canhaveadevastatingeffect.Ifshestartsseeingsomeoneelse,
yourinabilitytosupportherdecisioncandriveawedgebetween
you.Itmakesyoulookasifyouareunabletomoveforward
fromtherelationship.Italsosolidifiesherresolveinendingit
asyouappearneedyorclingy,andisall-roundunattractive
behavior.
Similarly,ifyoutrytokeepafriendshipgoingwithaglaring
intenttogetbacktogether,youmightfeelperplexedather
suddenSwitchasshedistancesherselffromyou.
Thisisbecauseyoueachneedtotimereachemotionalstability.
Withoutstability,youwillnotbeabletotaketherightsteps
torewindyourrelationship.Youwillfallintoemotionaltraps,
whichpushesherfurtheraway.Asyouunderstandthestages,
youwilllearncriticalmilestoneswhenshewillbemostreceptive
toyou.Youbegintoshowherthechangesyouaremakingand
approachherwithattractive,desirablequalities.
However,theseonlyworkifyoucanrestoreconfidencein
yourself,andinyourabilitytocreateahealthyrelationship.
Equallynecessarytoconsiderishowyoufeelaboutyour
relationship.
Yourmemoriesandemotionschangeovertime,andgaining
clarityabouthowyoufeelabouttheRelationshipBreakdown.
What Happens After the Relationship Breakdown?
-
41
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
Thiswillshapethechoicesyoumake.Fornow,youmustrestore
yourclarityandobjectivity;otherwise,youremotionswillcloud
yourjudgment.Thegreatnewsisyouareabouttolearnhow
torecoverfromtheRelationshipBreakdown,andyouwilllearn
howtobecomeclearagain.
WewilllookathowtopreparefortheRelationshipRewind
beforeyoumakeyourfirstmove(toreducetheriskoffalling
victimtomistakes).Ittakesastrongmantomakeamends,and
thefactyouarehereshowsagreatdealaboutyourcharacter.
Whatyoudonotrealize,isthatshewillalsobereceptiveto
thesechanges.Youaremakinggreatadvancementsinlearning
howtoapproachherwiththosepositiveattributesshewillfeel
compelledby.
Asyouunravelthesetechniques,youwilllearntorewardherfor
initiatingtheRelationshipRewind.Donotworry;Ihaveevery
faithyouwillsucceed!
Asyoumoveintounderstanding,Iwantyoutobeperfectly
truthfulwithyourself.Thefactremainsthatyourrelationship
didend.Ifyouunderstandwhyandwhereyouarenow,anew
opportunitytomoveforwardwillpresentitself.Lookpast
anyanimosityyoufeelandask,WhydidtheRelationship
Breakdownoccur?Isthereanythingyoucanpinpointasatheme
ofyourBreakdown?
Thiswillgiveyouanideaofwhereyoucanstartimproving.
Moving On From a Relationship Breakdown
-
42
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
Below,Iwantyoutowritedownfivethingsthatcouldhave
causedyourrelationshiptobreakdown.
Thesecouldbethingsshesaidorhowyoufelt.Thereisnoright
orwronganswerandanythingyoudisclosewillbeonlybeseen
byyou.Themoreobjectiveandhonestyoucanbe,thebetter
yourchancesofrewindingtherelationship.Whenyoustart
toseetheanswersinfrontofyou,itismucheasiertoremain
objective.Ifitisimpossibletothinkobjectively,thentrythe
MindCalmbonussectionfirst.
https://member.dicarlocoaching.com/
Youmaybeamazedathowquicklyyourdoubtsandfrustrations
surface.Thiswillhelpyoucometotermswiththosefeelings.
Remember,thesewillnotpreventyoufrommovingforward.
Instead,eachonewillbecomeanactionablestepthatyou
cantaketowinherback.Thinkofthislikeplanningatrip.You
alreadyknowwhereyouwanttogo,nowyouknowwhichroute
totakeandwhatroadblockstoavoid.Thismeansyoucanplan
differentroutesanddetours,whichwillhelpyougetherback
faster.
-
43
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
FiveThingsThatCausedYourRelationshiptoEnd:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Theabovereasonsmightbeonethemeortheymightbea
varietyoffactors;eitherisnormalandhappensallthetime.
Itshouldgiveyoumoreofanideaofwhy.Althoughnoneof
thesereasonsareasimportantaswhatImabouttoreveal.The
realreasonyourrelationshipendedisthatsomewheredeep
inside,yourrelationshipstoppedbeingrewardingandfun.It
wasntwhatitstartedoutbeing...
YourBlissfactorburnedout.
Thinkbacktothetwoquestionsthatwespokeabout;thetwo
onlytruereasonsforaRelationshipBreakdown.Ibetyoumeet
oneorbothofthosepoints.
Infrontofyouistheanswertothosetwoimportantquestions.
Nowyoucandiscoverifyouweremovingintwodifferent
directions,andfurthermorewhytheBlissburntout.
Thisisanincrediblyrevealingexercise.Seeifyoucanpinpoint
-
44
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
anyunhappinessoremotionaldistressinthereasonsabove.I
betyouwillfindunhappinessinallofthem.
Again,donotbeatyourselfup.
Younowhaveaclearerideaofwhereyourrelationshipwent
wrong,andhavespecificareastoimprove.Thesearespecific
toyourrelationshipandwillofferyoucriticalinsightintoareas
whereshewillbemostsensitiveinapproaching.Thisalsomeans
implementingthecoretechniquesinthisbookwillbesuper
simple.Taketimetocongratulateandacknowledgethechanges
youaremaking.
RebuildingtheFoundationsofaStrongerRelationship
Thenextexercisewillhelpyoudecidewhereyouwantyour
relationshiptogo.
Therearereasonswhyyouwantherbackandobjectifying
thosewillguideyoubackintotherelationshipwithclarity.
Also,concretereasonsreduceyourriskoffallingbackintoold
routines.Itisnotenoughtowantherback.Askyourself,What
itisaboutherthatmakeshermoreremarkablethananyother
womanintheworld?Youcouldjustaseasilydatesomeone
else,butyouhavemadeadecisiontostickbyher.
Whyisthat?
Writedownfivethingsaboutherthatisunique,sothatyou
havesomethingtofallbackonintimeswhenyouarefeeling
uncertain.
-
45
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
FiveThingsThatMakeThistheRightRelationshipforYou:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Byacknowledgingthereasonswhytherelationshipwas
significant,youshouldfeelmoremotivated.
Byunderstandinghowsheshines,youcanusethisinformation
towinherbackinawaythatnoothermancan.Seeingher
strongpointsmightalsoberefreshing,asaRelationship
Breakdowncanmakeusfocusonthenegatives.
Takesometimetoenjoythesefeelingstoo,youdeservethem.
Nowthatyouhaveagreaterunderstandingofwhereyouhave
been,whereyouare,andwhereyouwanttomoveforwardto
andwhy;youshouldbefeelingreliefandevenconfidencein
yourabilitytowinherback.
RelationshipBreakdownsaredistressingbecauseofthe
unknown,andmuchlikefear,arecanbeovercomebyfacing
themwithhonestyandclarity.Whilethisisntaneasyprocess,it
isworthwhileandimportant.
-
46
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
Moreover,youhavealreadybeensuccessfulinstarting,sofor
that,Isaluteyou!
Thenextsteptotakeistoobjectifywhatyouwantfromthe
relationship.
Youhavealltheinformationatyourdisposaltomakeinformed
goals,whichwillprovideasolidfoundationforahealthy
relationship.Byunderstandingwhatyouwantbeforegetting
backtogether,youwontbecomeblindsidedbytheincredible
feelingsthatcomeatyou.
Nowisagreattimetobeperfectlyhonestaboutthethings
thatyouwereunhappywithlasttime,andthenseektomake
amends.
Writedownwhatitwasthatcausedtherelationshiptoend,
orthatmadeyoufeellessthangreatinit.Donotbescaredto
writedownthingsthatyouorshedid,asthesewillbecomea
templateofthingstoavoidinthefuture.
Identifying the Choices You Want to Make
-
47
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
FiveMistakesYouDoNotWanttoRepeat:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Whileyoumightthinkitissillytowritedownwhatyouwant
inyourrelationship,theseareimportant.Byhavingthis
information,youbuildalevelofconfidenceandawarenessthat
isirresistibletowomen.
Youwillshowheryouareamanofaction.
Sokeepthisinformationlockedaway,untilyoureachthefinal
stageofBliss,whereyouwillactivatethesechangesfora
lifetime.
Iwillletyouknowwhenthetimeisright!
-
48
CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
UnderstandingwhytheRelationshipBreakdownoccurred
offersinsightintothechoicesyoumustmake.
Italsoanswerstheoneamazinglyfrustratingquestion,why
therelationended.
HowyoureacttotheRelationshipBreakdownwillshapethe
choicesshemakesandeithermoveherawayfromyouor
drawhertowardsyou.
Creatingspaceiscritical.Thiswillhelpyouthinkclearly.
Spacealsogivesyoutimetoheal.Usethistimewiselyto
respectherspace,andencourageyourownhealing.
Youmustbeemotionallystable;otherwise,youwillpushher
awayandsendoutthewrongsignals.
Onceyouhaveallowedthenecessarytimetopass,starting
thefirststagewillbecomeobviousandnatural
Keynotes
48
-
49
Relationship Decay3
-
50
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
Aaroncalledhomelateonenightandseemedoutofsorts.
Nothinghesaidmademuchsenseandhisusualcarefree
attitudewasreplacedwithatangibleworry.Hebumbled
throughtheconversation,asifwaitingtobeaskedwhat
waswrong.
Then,thedamburstopen.Itwasasifmonthsoffrustration
cametumblingout,andwhatwasevenmoresurprising
washiscompleteshockateverythinghewassaying.
Itwasasifhewaslivingsomeoneelseslife.
HewasworriedEmmamightbeseeingsomeoneelse.He
didntsaywhy,justthathecouldfeelsomethingwasnt
right,andnothinghesaidmadeanysense.Hespokeabout
howthingshadntfeltrightforawhile,howshewasdistant
andcomplacent.
Anytimehetriedtoaskherwhatwaswrong,shewould
stormofftoanotherroom.Theneventually,shewould
justleavethehouseandshewouldntcomebackforlong
periodsoftimes,statingshewaswithfriends.
WhenAaronfinallythoughtthingswerechanging,itseems
thosechangeswerenotforthereasonsheoncethought.
To be continued
Love Story: Relationship Decay
AaronandEmma:
-
51
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
What Is Relationship Decay?
Initsmostsimplisticform,RelationshipDecayiswhentwo
peopleslowlystopcommunicatingandembracingoneanother
romantically.
Overthedurationofweeks,months,orevenyears,theybegin
todistancefromtheirlover.Inthistime,thefeelingsofunrest
maysurfaceoccasionally.RelationshipDecayforthemostpart
isundetectable,asourmoodsandemotionschangeconstantly.
Whatcouldjustbeanargumenttoyoumaybethesignsofa
muchdeeperconcernforher.InRelationshipdecay,neither
personiswillingtoexploreofexpresstheseconcerns.
AfterprolongedexposuretoRelationshipDecay,aShift
inconsciousnessmovesthecoupleintotheRelationship
Breakdownphase.Thismayormaynotendinanofficialbreak
up.
Forthesereasons,itcanbehardtopinpointexactlywhatwent
wrongwithoutunderstandingwhatRelationshipDecayis.
RelationshipDecayissimilartoanOaktree.Theoutsidemay
lookhealthy,butinsideaninfectioncanrotandwhittledowna
The time when a relationship begins to break down without either partner realizing it. This can happen over a long period with no more than a feeling of emotional unrest.
RelationshipDecay:
-
52
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
treesintegrity.Thedamagemayevengounseenformanyyears
untilastorm(anactivemoment)uprootsthetree,muchtothe
surpriseofthosearound.RelationshipDecaytakestimetotake
toseepintothestructureofarelationship,buttheeffectsareas
devastatingandlonglasting.
ThepotentialforRelationshipDecayisalwayspresentand
ishappeningtoallcouplesatalltimes.Unawarenessofthis
negativeprocesscanleadtoanemotionaltriggermoment,
wheretheRelationshipDecaybecomesaRelationship
Breakdown.ThisSwitcheffectivelypushesthekillbuttononan
otherwiselovingrelationship,resultinginanemotionalcrisis
response.Thisiswhycompletesurprisecanhappenwhenthe
RelationshipBreakdownoccurs.
Formany,itgenuinelyisamassivesurprise.Totheotherparty,it
hasbeenwaitingtohappenoverthelongesttime.Thereinlays
thepowerofbeingintwoemotionallydifferentplaceswithyour
lover.
Manyrelationshipsendwithoutanyonerealizingthereisacure.
Relationship Decay: Case Study
-
53
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
TakeJackandLucyforexample:
JackandLucyweremarriedforseveraldecades,when
surprisingly,aged70;theydecidedtofilefordivorceand
calltherelationshipquits(Weisinger2010).Mostpeople
wouldassumethathavingsharedtheirlifetogetheror
thatafterreachingamilestone;theywouldautomatically
qualifyforalifetimeachievementaward,butnotthis
couple.
Whatismoresurprisingisthatwhenasked,theybothsaid
theywerehappy.
Sowhatwentwrong?
Overaseriesofmeetings,JackandLucyeachadmittedthey
recognizedtraitsoftheirparentsintheother(withwhom
neitherhadapositiverelationship)andwereholdinginfeelings
ofresentment.Astheotherpersondidntnecessarilydo
anythingwrong,neitherfeltitsignificantenoughtoaddress.
Then,overthedecades,RelationshipDecaysetinandthey
divorced.
-
54
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
Alternatively,takeMaryandJohn:
EvenmorebizarreisMaryandJohn,whonever
consummatedtheirmarriagein1934(Weisinger2010).
MaryandJohnmarriedasamatterofconvenience,but
neverfeltasexualconnection,thoughhadastrongbond
offriendship.MaryandJohnneverseparated,andwhen
askedhowtheycouldliveinsuchawayrepliedthat
forthem,itwaseffortlessastheyfelthappyandwere
committedtoeachothershappiness.
Thismightsoundcrazy,butwhenyoubreaktherelationship
downtoasubconsciouslevel,youunderstandhowdifferent
methodsofcommunicationinterferewithahealthyrelationship.
Ofcourse,understandingcommunicationisnotonlywhatyou
sayanddoaroundeachother,butalsohoweachpartnerthinks
andfeels.
Alloftheseareequallysignificant,whenlookingtosustaina
lifelongcommitment.
-
55
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
Immediatelyafterthebreakup,thefullextentofthe
RelationshipDecaycausesoverwhelmingemotionsduringthe
aftermathoftheRelationshipBreakdown.Thisisnatural,but
makesitverydifficulttomakeworthwhiledecisions.When
yourheadandheartarefocusingontwodifferentgoals,itis
impossibletomoveforward.Thisiswhyyoumustallowtimeto
healandtakeactivemeasurestomoveawayfromtrauma.
Thecrucialthingisthatyourecognizewhereyouareinthe
relationshipcycle.
Areyouhealthyandclearofmind?
Ontheotherhand,areyouinthepost-breakupphaseandstill
emotionallyunstable?
ThelastthingyouwanttodoisgothroughtheRelationship
RewindandrealizesheisnotTheOne.
Whenyouunderstandwhereyouare,thenyoucanworkout
wheretogonext,soyoureducetheriskoffailure.
Formany,itgenuinelyisamassivesurprise.Totheotherparty,it
hasbeenwaitingtohappenoverthelongesttime.Thereinlays
thepowerofbeingintwoemotionallydifferentplaceswithyour
lover.
Manyrelationshipsendwithoutanyonerealizingthereisacure.
The Phases of Post-Relationship Decay
-
56
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
Post-breakup:Thetimeimmediatelyafterwhenithasnt
sunkinthattherelationshiphasended.Thisiswhenyou
begintoanalyzepotentialRelationshipDecay,andlookfor
signsofwhatwentwrong.
Recovery:Afterthebreakup,everythingcrashesintoan
emotionalmess.Yourealizetherelationshipisover,but
begintoseethenowobvioussignsofRelationshipDecay.
Thisisanextendedperiodofresolveandrecovery.
Grieving:Ifrecoveryseemsimpossible,thenyourisk
enteringintoagrievingphase.ThisiswhereDeaths
Dooroccurs.Itispromptedbyyourdesiretoremedythe
RelationshipDecay,andherinabilitytomatchyouonthat
choice.
Inthesestages,youshouldstopcontactimmediately.
Evenif,youhaveagoodfriendship,nowisnotthetimetobe
involved.Thiscancauselastingdamagetobothofyou.Any
contactintheaftermathofaRelationshipBreakdownwillbe
perceivedaschasing.Therecoverystageistheoneyouwant
toembrace.Althoughitdoestaketimeandvariesfrommanto
man,butknowingthatitcantakeweeksormonthsisagood
placetostart.Iwillletyouknowwhentoresumecontact.
Thisisimportantbecause:
ThemoretimeyoucanspendunderstandingwhatRelationship
Decayoccurred,thelessriskyouhaveoffallingintothegrieving
process.Duringgrieving,yourbodyisnotsuitedtowardsmaking
-
57
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
informeddecisions.ItwelcomesDeathsDoor,andmakesthe
processofrecoverymuchharderonyou.Ifyouareinthe
post-breakup,acceptthetimetohealandthenmoveintothe
recoveryposition.Thisiswhereyoushouldbewhilereading.
Youmustallowyourbodyandmindtimetorecover.Acceptthis
spacesoyouwillberevitalizedandreadytotakeactionwhen
youmoveintothefirststageofRelationshipRewind.Ifyouare
inthegrievingstage,thisisgoingtotakelongerbecauseyou
havetoacceptthatyoumaybeonDeathsDoororareabout
tolandinthatzone.Youwillneedtoallowadditionaltimeand
followthestepsthatareabouttobeprescribed.
Nowisthetimetobeginmovingawayfromthesestageswhen
possible.WewilllookathowtodothisworkingfromDeaths
DoortoBlissfromChapter4.
Remember:TheRelationship
Rewindisnotan
instantcure.
Starttodaybytakingsmallstepstobringmoresatisfaction
andjoyintoyourlife.Gooutwithyourfriends.Ifyouarestuck
inthemourningphaseoftherelationship,thisisevenmore
crucial.Iknowitseemsimpossible,butlifedoesexistwithout
her.Thefasteryougetonwithitandstarttoenjoyitagain,the
fasteryourrewindingwillbecomeanaturalprogressionofthis
transformativetime.
Justaslovesicknessfeelslikeadisease,thepositivephysical
effectsoflovearejustasintoxicating(butforfantasticreasons).
Didyouknowmostdoctorsprescribelightactivities,suchas
How to Feel Better About Relationship Decay
-
58
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
walkingforafewminutesaday,asthefirstcure?Thisis
becausedoubtsandanxieties(causedbybreakingupwith
someoneorbeingbrokenupwith)canmakeyoufeelhelpless.
Bytakingaction,younotonlyproveyourbrainwrong,butyou
releaseendorphins,whicharethefeel-goodhormonesthat
arealsopresentduringahealthyrelationship(Griffin2013).
Thegoodnewsisyoucanregainthoseamazinglypowerful
hormonalandemotionalhighs.Youcantriggertheminheralso,
sothatwhenshewantsyouback,itisonabiologicallevel.The
stepsthatyouwilltakearemedicinal;meaningtheyhelpyou
healandrecoverfromthebreakup.Ifthatisntenoughofa
motivatingfactor,thenconsiderthatshewontfindalovesick
manattractive.Youmustbeginre-buildingyoursenseof
confidence.
Withoutacknowledgingthatreasonandtakingtimeto
changeyourenvironment,allyoustandtogainisanon-off
relationship.Youmustfixthecausesofyourproblems,before
youstartarelationshipagain.
Takeconfidenceinthehealingprocessyouaregoingthrough
nowwillhelpherhealtoo.
Withoutacknowledgingthatreasonandtakingtimeto
changeyourenvironment,allyoustandtogainisanon-off
relationship.Youmustfixthecausesofyourproblems,before
youstartarelationshipagain.
Takeconfidenceinthehealingprocessyouaregoingthrough
nowwillhelpherhealtoo.
Remember:Evenifshetook
youbacktoday,
therelationship
stillendedfora
reason.
-
59
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
Whenyoufeelhappy,yourthoughtsandactionsprevent
RelationshipDecay.Thisisbecauseyoursubconsciousmind
sendsoutpositiveenergyandengagesinhealthyactionsto
prolongyourrelationship.IfyouareinDrift(Chapter5)orSwitch
(Chapter6),thesymptomsofRelationshipDecayaccelerate
duetofeelingsofemotionaldetachment.Thisiswhyyoumay
suddenlyfindyourselfonDeathsDoor(Chapter4)andasking
whathappened.
Infact,theresearchersattheUniversityofRochesterfoundthat
people,whofeellikeanactiveparticipantintheirrelationship,
aremorelikelytostaytogetherthancoupleswhoareequally
happy,butareunabletounderstandtheirnegativeinteractions
(SoonheeLee2010).
Anotherwaytothinkofthiswouldbetolookathowyoudrive.
Drivingissomethingmostpeopledowithoutmuchthought,
yetthereareseveralcomplexprocessesgoingon.Yourfeetand
handscarryouttwodifferentactionssimultaneously,activating
thegaspedalandthesteeringwheel.Then,asyoudrive,you
alsowillactivatethewindshieldwipersifitrainsorturnthe
radioupwhenyourfavoritesongcomeson.
Essentially,youhaveagoalofgettingtoadestination,buthow
youarriveisdeterminedbythesmaller,lessobvioustasksyou
taketoensureyourdriveissafe.
Oftenthesearemoreinfluentialthanhowfastyougo.Ifyoudo
notpayattentiontotheotherdistractions,youwillfindyourself
Why Relationship Decay Occurs
-
60
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
quicklyofftheroadandunabletomoveforward.Youcould
alsogetlostifyouarenotpayingattention.Ontheotherhand,
youmightevenfacecollisionsorangerotherdrivers.Thisalso
meanstheopportunitytogettoyourfinaldestinationbecomes
impossible.
Whilethestepsinthisbookcanhelpyoumanageyour
relationshipinahealthyandenjoyableway,theyonlyworkif
youacknowledgethesignsofRelationshipDecay.
Youmustlearntoacknowledgethedifferentwaysyouboth
communicateandhowthatrelatestogettingbacktogether.
Otherwise,itwouldbelikesteppingintoacarblindfolded.Sure,
youmightbeabletoworkouthowtogoforward,butwithout
payingattention,youcouldquickderailtherelationshipandend
upbackintheditch.Ifyougointotherelationshipthinkingyou
knoweverycurve,youwilllikelymakeawrongjudgmentcall
thatriskseverything.
Thisnexttechniquewillteachyouhowtosustainalong-term
relationshipandhelpyoupreventtheproblemsthatoccurred
thefirsttimearound.
-
61
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
IfyouhaveexperiencedandacknowledgedRelationshipDecay,
thenyoumayconsideryourselfaseasonedexpert.Thisisa
fantasticskilltopossess,andonethatcanbelearned.The
reasonwhyIamsharingthisinformationissothatyouhavea
clearunderstandingofwhatitisandwhatyouareexperiencing.
IfyouareunabletopinpointRelationshipDecay,itisimpossible
rewindtherelationshipasyouwontknowwhattolookfor.
YouneedtoknowthatRelationshipDecayismorethan
somethingthatjusthappens,itissomethingthatmustbe
addressedinaspecificway.
ThereiseverychanceyouwillfaceRelationshipDecayagain,no
matterwhoyouaredating,solistenclosely.
The Signs for Recognizing Relationship Decay
Sheislessempathetic.Shedoesnotrelatetoyourpointof
vieworemotionalpainsduringarguments,orrespondto
yourmemoriesandexperiencesofBliss.
Sheshowslessremorse.Sheisroboticinherdecisions.
Shemayleaveafteranargumentandgosomewhereelse
tocooloff,refusingtohelpyouassisther.
Sheignoresyourexistence.Younolongeraffecther
emotions.Sheismovingintoparttimeorfulltime
Indifference.
-
62
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
Whileeveryonerequiresdifferentamountsoftimetomove
pastarelationship,jumpingintotheIndifferentphasetypically
takesalongtime(prolongedbytheintensityanddurationof
yourrelationship).Whileshemayhavetimeswhensheasks
forspace,ortakesitwithoutasking,itdoesnotmeansheis
automaticallyIndifferenttoyou.Infact,itcouldbeagood
signthatsheisoverwhelmedwithemotion:theoppositeof
Indifference.
Onethingyoucancountonthoughisthatifyoulovedone
another,thisperiodofIndifferencewhetherfleetingorlasting
(Iwilldescribethismoreinthenextsection)cantakeyearsto
reach,ifsheeverwill.Thisgivesyouplentyoftimetowinher
heartbackoncemore.Thinkbacktoyourfirstloveandyouwill
quicklyseewhatImean.Mostpeople,nomatterhowyourfirst
relationshipended,havethepowertoholdontoloveformany
years.
Itisimportanttoknowthatyouhavethetoolsnecessaryto
avoidfallingintoRelationshipDecayorifyoudo,youcanheal
yourrelationship.Bybeingabletoidentifyit,youremove
99.9%oftheworkinvolved,soyoucandisarmitbeforeitsets
inforgood.RelationshipDecayisonlypowerfulwhenyouare
ignorantaboutit.Inmanycases,menwronglybelievetheyare
inDeathsDoor,whenwhattheyhaveexperiencedinthefallout
ofRelationshipDecay.
Formany,timewillhealthesewoundsandallowyoutonaturally
bridgethegaponcemoreandinalastingway.Mostwomen
neverbecomeIndifferent,itgoesagainsttheirdesiretonurture
andprotect,sotakefaithinherloveforyou.Itsstillthere,Iam
sureofit!
-
63
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
IfshehasaconsciousunderstandingofRelationshipDecay,
thingsdobecometrickierasshewillnowbeactivelytaking
stepstomaximizeherspace.Shecouldbedoingthistohelpyou
bothmoveon,orshecouldbedoingthistogiveherselftime
todecideifherSwitchofheartwascorrect.Essentiallythisisa
protectivephasewhereshetriestomoveintoIndifference,what
shebelievestobehealing.
Thisiswhymanypeoplesuggestspaceafterabreakup.
Chasingherduringthistimecancausemassiveandirreversible
problems.Ifyoubackadogintoacorner,itbites.Thesamegoes
forher.Ifyouchasehertoosoon,shewillfeelthreatenedand
biteyou.Thisisespeciallytrueduringanintenseargument,
asouremotionsandadrenalinearerunninghigh.Whilehurtful,
thereisagoodchancethatheractionsarenottheretohurtyou,
nomatterhowbadlytheymay.
Thefantasticnewsisthatjustbecausesheistakingmoresevere
actionstoremoveyoufromherlife,doesnotmeansheis
Indifferent.Ifshefeelsitisnecessarytoplaceabarrierbetween
youboth,shestillfeelsemotional.Ifshehasgonetogreat
lengthstoremoveyoufromherlifethenyoumustbeagreat
threatforher.Sheknowsthatkeepingyouaroundwillmean
thatshemaycaveinonherRelationshipresolveanddecisionto
leave.
Bynotchasing,youcreatespacethatshedidnotexpect,forcing
hertoquestionthedecisiontoendtherelationship.Whenyou
Why You Must Stop Chasing Indifference
-
64
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
chase,allyouaredoingisconfirmingherdoubtsandgivingher
reasontopullaway.Thisisawonderfullycaringwaytolether
cometotheconclusionsonherownterms.Whensherealizes
thatyouareasupportivepartner,shewillalsorealizethather
choicemighthavebeenharshorrashlymade.Itslogicalto
comeback.
However,asyoumayhavealreadyguessed,withoutfollowing
uponthespacecreatedwithsomeformofcommunication,
youruntheriskofturningthatrespectedspaceintoemotional
distance.Instead,youneedtounderstandhowtocommunicate
withherwithoutchasingherduringthistime.Whenyoudecide
toreachoutisjustaspowerfulashowyoureachout.Iwillbe
showingyouhowtodothisinthenextchapter.
Thekeyisrewardingherwhenshebeginstochaseyou.This
willhelpyouremainincontrolandshewillseekoutexperiences
thataremorepositivewithyou.
Remember:Sheisina
healingplace
also.Thistime
willshapehow
sheseesyou,
andforthisto
bepositive,
youmustbe
supportive.
-
65
CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY
UnderstandingtheessenceofRelationshipDecayeffectively
reducesthechancesofitoccurringagain,justasyour
awarenessofapotholehelpsyouavoidit.
Whetheryourealizeitornot,youaresendingsignalsto
herthateitherattractherorrepelher.Thisiswhyhealingis
necessary.
TakingtimetohealfromtheRelationshipBreakdownwill
allowyoutounderstandRelationshipDecaypersonallyand
moreaccurately.
Understandingwhichpost-breakupstageyouareinmeans
youcantakethecorrectstepstorepairthedamage.
Onceyouunderstandtheredflags,youcanmoveon
confidentlyknowingthatyouwillnotcausefurther
RelationshipDecay.
Keynotes
65
-
66
Deaths Door4
-
67
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
Aaronarrivedbackhomelateonenightandsurprised
everyonewithhisvisit.Hehadlostafewpoundsand
corporatelifelookedlikeitwasgettingthebestofhim.
Overthenextfewweeks,peoplebegantotalkabouthow
hefailedathisbigmoveandgossipwascirculatingthathis
fiancehadranoffwithanotherman.Itwashardtoknow
forsurewhatwasgoingonandAaronseemedguardedat
everyturn.
Overthenextfewweeks,itwasbecomingclearthat
Aarondidnotintendtogobackandhefinallyturnedinan
applicationtoalocallawfirm.
Hebrushedoffthequestionsaboutthereasonsbehind
hisreturn.Eventhoughhewasback,itwasasifhismind
wassomewhereelse.Hekeptaclosewatchonhisphone
atalltimes,asifitwouldsuddenlyanswerhisprayers,and
anytimeitranghedsmilethengobacktohisusual,aloof
self.
Emmabecameawordthatwasntused,andforweeks
afterhisarrival,Aarontriedtofooleveryoneintothinking
shehadntexisted.
Smalltowngossipwasjustthat,butitdidntmeanthey
werewrong.Insteadofbeinganoutgoing,confidentman,
Aaronturneddownnightsoutandwasntinterested
AaronandEmma:
-
68
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
inmeetingotherwomen.Heseemedtobepiningfor
somethingthatwasntthere.
To be continued.
What Is Deaths Door?
DeathsDooristhepointwhenyourexhastakensignificant
actiontobecomeIndifferenttoyou.Indifferenceiswhenshe
feelsnopositiveornegativeemotionorattachment.Shemay
befeelingIndifferent,orattemptingtomakethishappen.Either
way,youarenotonDeathsDoor,asshedoesnotintendto
restarttherelationship.Thiscanbeaparticularlydevastating
time,andonethattakestimetoheal.
Oftenthisoccursbecauseshehasreceivedpositivesupport
inherdecisiontomoveon.Thesemaybefromherfriendsor
family,orachoiceshemakesonherown.Eitherway,thereare
nowglaringmotivesdrivingawedgebetweenyou.Mostlikely,
sheconcludedthatyouarenotrightforherandshehastomove
ontobehappy.Thisstagecantakeabigemotionaltollonyou
both.Ifyouwanttorewindyourrelationship,endingthisstage
isnecessary.
The time after a Relationship Breakdown where she has taken significant action(s) to distance herself from you emotionally and physically.
DeathsDoor
-
69
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
Anotherpossibilityisthatsomethinghappenedinyour
relationship.
Thesituationcontinuedtoescalate,andshemovedfaster
towardsIndifference.ThelikelyscenarioisthatsheDrifted,and
youkeptchasing,untilshemadeaconsciousefforttoavoidyou.
Shebelievesthiswillhelpherfindclarityandemotionalstability,
becausesheknowsthathavingyouaroundisemotionally
dangerous(moreonthisinamoment).Shemaytellyouthat
sheneedsspace,orshemayjusttakeitwithoutasking(asoften
happens).
Itisalsobeneficialtonote:
ThepurposeofbecomingIndifferentisacopingmechanism
andistheonlytrueRelationshipKiller.Relationshipsare
durable.TheycansurviveRelationshipDecay,andprolonged
exposuretostressors,butIndifferenceisnoteasilyfixed.The
Indifferentpersonnolongerhasthelevelofdesireneededto
continuetherelationshipandeffectivelystopsanyprogressinits
tracks(Bowers2013).
-
70
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
IfyouareatDeathsDoorandmadeanearnestefforttochase
herinthehopesofwinningheraffection,itiscommonto
seethisbackfire.Sheorherfriendsmightcommentthatthis
behaviorisstalker-likeorthatyouareactingcreepy,and
needtostepback.Foronce,listentoherfriendsandtaketheir
advice.Theseareallredflagsthatarelettingyouknowthatyour
actionsaretooforceful.
Again,youbothneedtimetoletyouremotionssettle,before
makingtherightmove.
Justwaitingfortimetogobyisnotgoingtofixyourbehaviors
though.Youneedtoshowherthatyouhavemovedon.When
youareintheDeathsDoorstage,youhavesomeworktodoto
gettherelationshipbackontrack.Otherwise,allsheisgoingto
doisusethislackofprogressasammoagainstyouandcontinue
tojustifyherneedforspace.Thiscanbeaconfusingtimeto
balance,butonethatIwillshowyouhowtojudgebasedonher
actions.
Thesewarningflagswillalsoshowyouwhennottobringup
howyoufeelabouther.Nowisnotthetimeforgrandgestures,
thosedontactuallyworkinreallife.
Itisalsoimportanttoconsider:
Justas,differentpeopletakedifferenttimetorecover;youwill
eachbeindifferentphasesofthepost-breakupprocess(think
backtothetwoRelationshipBreakdownfactors).Inorderto
Moving Away From Deaths Door
-
71
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
reversethissituation,youwillhavetogivehertonsofroomto
breathe.Youhavetowaitforhertocomearoundtoherown
positivelychargedRelationshipResolve.Thiswillgiveyouthe
opportunitytodrawherclosertoyou.
Althoughyouarenotgettingresponsesdoesnotmeanyouare
atDeathsDoororthatshehasgivenup.Shesaskingforspace
becausesheknowsonsomelevelthatyoueachneedit.
Youmightrememberthatwespokeabouttheimportanceofnot
chasing.
Well,thisisthefirstofseveraltechniquesthatteachyouhow
toapproachwithoutpushingheraway.Infact,shewillbecome
soresponsivethatshewillbegintochaseyou.Onceyouhave
initiatedtherecommendedspace,youcanbegintoengagein
whatIcalltheFalseFriendship(thistechniquewillhelpyou
movebacktothesameemotionalpage,butonlyafter,she
hasfoundherMindCalm).Itwillalsohelppreventherfrom
becomingIndifferent.
Thisisthefirststagewhereyouwillbeengagingwithheragain,
somakeitcount.Donotrushonaheadbelievingittobean
instantcure.Letheradaptfirst!
-
72
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
TheFalseFriendshipisthemostvaluableadviceIamgoingto
offer.ItwillbecomethebackbonetoyourRelationshipRewind.
Fornow,itdoesnotmatterwhichofthephasesyouarein,
asestablishingasolidfriendshipiswhatmattersmost.How
yougettoastateofFalseFriendshipwillvarywiththestages
(allrequiredifferentlengthsofhealingtimebeforeactingthis
techniqueout),butnoneareimpossibletorecoverfrom,and
Imabouttoshowyouwhy.Thisisalsooneofthestrangest
techniques,butitworkseverytime.
Ifyouhavebrokenup,orevenifyouarenotonspeakingterms,
theFalseFriendshipisthebestwaytoearnhertrustback.It
givesyouaninwhereyoudidntthinkpossible.Establishinga
FalseFriendshipalsomeansyoucantalkeasilyandthatshewill
notgorunningintheotherdirectionwhensheseesyourname
onherphonesscreen.Itisallaboutbuildingupthelinesof
communicationagainandmakingherfeelsecure.
Youhavenotenteredthedatingarena.YourFalseFriendship
isgoingtoletyougetbackintohermind,whereyoucanbegin
toplanttheBlissBombsandothertechniquesthatIwillteach
youastimemovesforward.Iknowitsoundscunning,butthis
techniqueworksbecauseshewillfeelcomfortableandrelaxed
aroundyou.Inorderforthosemilestonestobereached,you
mustbewillingtogostep-by-stepandnotrush.
Next,youmustgointothistechniqueknowingitisnotthetime
toromance.Irepeatthisisnotthetimetoindicateromance!
Introducing the False Friendship
Note:Nowisnotthe
timetojumpin
withouttaking
thenecessary
healingtime
first.Learning
thistechnique
willprepareyou
forwhenthe
timeisright.
-
73
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
OnlyonceshefeelscomfortablewithyourFalseFriendshipwill
shestarttoaskyououtandbegintoinitiateBondingMoments
withyou.Otherwise,thisisastrictlyNoFlyzone.Duringthis
technique,youwillbewaitingonhertoreachoutandaskfor
more;thatmustalwaysbeyourqueueofwhentoadvance
(especiallywhenconsideringromanticintent).Thisiswhereyou
willberewardingherwiththenextapplicationtoencourageher
tomoveclosertoyou.
Lateron,Iwillshowyouhowtorewardthisbehavior,soyoucan
fliptheFalseFriendshipbecauseshewantstogetbacktogether.
Thismeansshewontfeelregretandwontbetemptedtoback
outofyourrelationship.Assheistheonechasing,youcan
encourageher,insteadofherrejectingyou.
TheFalseFriendshipwillnotworkifyoutrytoinitiatecontact
becauseyouwanttohavesexwithher.Theriskoffailureis
almostguaranteedifyougoinwithanagenda!
Thisiswhyweplacedimportanceonlettinghertellyouwhen
sheisreadyforyoutoescalatethenextlevel.Whatyouare
abouttodorequiresyoutobecompelling,withoutatraceof
hesitation.Ifshethinksthatyouaregettingbackintouchwith
her,justtogetherbackintoyourbed,shesgoingtorunoutthe
nearestRelationshipExit.Moreover,youcanbelieveshewont
somuchasalookbackintheotherdirection.
Critical Knowledge:The False Friendship Failure Rate
-
74
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
Ifyouviolatehertrust,shewillthrowbarriersupsohighthat
evenanOlympicathletecouldntjumpoverthetop.Shewill
alwaysbecautiousaroundyou,shouldshechoosetokeep
youaround,andwillquestioneverymoveyoumake.Youwill
becometheexshetalksabouttofriendsandfamily,andruin
yourchances.Then,evenifshefeelscompelledtotakeyou
back,itbecomesmoredifficulttoconvincethosearoundher.
AnothermajorproblemwithstartingaFalseFriendshipwithan
agendaisthatshecouldmakeyoulooklikethefool.Shemay
stringyoualong,setyouup,orjustflatoutrejectyou.Ifthis
happens,yourchancesofinitiatingaFalseFriendshipbecome
acool0%.Assadasitistosay,manywomenwillfeelinsecure
afteraRelationshipBreakdownalso,andmaycometodepend
ontheaffectionasacopingmechanism.
Essentially,youwillplantyourselfintheFriendZonevoluntarily,
nottheFalseFriendship,andthechanceofrecoveryisminimal.
Soplease,putanythingsexualtothebackofyourmind.This
isonlyfortheshort-term.Ifyoutrustme,andarewillingto
lettimeheal,youcanbuildaFalseFriendship.Thistechnique
willreestablishtheemotionalbond,soherfeelingsoflovefor
youunconsciouslysurface.Whenshetakesyouback,itwillbe
becausethatiswhatyoubothwant.Arewardingandengaging
experiencebondsyoutogether.
-
75
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
Letsbehonest,noguywantstobefriendswithagirlthey
areattractedto.NeverthelessheresthethingabouttheFalse
Friendship,itisnottheFriendZone.Itisnotapermanent
fixture.Itissomewhereyoucanexpressyourdesiresand
potentiallyreceivethemback.Thedifferenceisallinhowyou
approachtheFalseFriendship.Whenyoufollowmydirections,
youwillrewardherforcomingbacktoyou,whichwillremove
theriskofitbackfiring.
Thisiswhy:
WhenyouinitiatetheFalseFriendship,shedoesnotseeyour
requestsforcommunicationaschasing.Youhavegivenherthe
necessarytimetofeelindependent.Shedoesnotsuspectthat
youhaveanagenda,astimehashealedheremotionalmind,
andisfarmorereceptivetotheactoffriendship.Timehas
allowedhertobecomerational,thoughtful,andmorecompelled
tobecommunicativewithyouoncemore.
StarttorecognizethattheFalseFriendshipisagreatplacetobe.
Whenyouaredating,beingstuckintheFriendZonecanbeone
oftheworstthingstohappen.Youarediscardedintothelets
justbefriendszone.Thisisauniqueblessinginthiscase,Iam
abouttorevealwhy.WhenyouinitiatetheFalseFriendship,you
willstartwhatshebelievestobeaFriendZone.YouusethatNo
Flycardtoyouradvantage.
Thisisanincrediblerelieftoherassheisstillhopingtogain
independence.Byfulfillingherrequest,yougainhertrust.Then,
What the False Friendship is Not: The Friend Zone
Note:Ifsheisnot
rational,
thoughtful,and
morecompelled
tobecommuni-
cativewithyou
oncemorethen
youhaveacted
toosoon.Simply
pullback,and
allowhertimeto
heal.Thenreach
outagainuntil
sheiscompelled
tocommunicate.
-
76
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
sheismuchmorelikelytocomplywithyourrequeststohang
outortalkmoreoften.Evenif,shehasnodesiretotalkwithyou
today,shewillfeelcompelledbythissimpleactiononeday.All
youhavetodoismoveforwardandbegenuineinyourmotives
aboutestablishingafriendship.
Shedoesnotneedtoknowthatthiswillblossomintoromance
yet.Thinkbacktohowthingsfirstbegan,youwerejustfriends
hangingout.Shehadnoideaitwouldbecomemore.
Theeasiestwayistoletthishappennaturally.Thisisalso
specificadviceforapproachingaFalseFriendshipfromthe
perspectiveofbeingrejected.
IfyouarestillintheRelationshipBreakdownphase,thenyou
canusethistechniquetoyouradvantage.Ifshesaysthatshe
wantstostayfriends,asmanywomenwilloftensay,tellheryou
thinkthatisanexcellentidea,butletherknowthatfriendship
iswhereyoudrawtheline.Sheisgoingtothinkthatyouhave
givenupwiththechaseandwillbehappy.Givehertimeto
acceptthis.
Wewillbecomingbackfullcircletotheadvancedpartofthis
techniqueinChapter5.Thisiswhereyoupickupthepiecesand
carryonwardstoBliss.
WhenyouareatDeathsDoor,extendingagrantoffriendship
letsherknowthatyouonlywantcivility.Forthemostpart,you
Initiating the False Friendship During Deaths Door
-
77
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
willnotbemakingcontactwithherduringthisspecificprocess,
becauseitisconsideredchasing(whichpushesheraway).She
hasntreachedalevelofspacewhereshefeelscomfortable(or
possiblyevenmovedawayfromIndifference).Youareonlygoing
toapproachthesuggestionofbeingfriends,notbestfriends.
WaitforhertoreachoutandthendroptheFalseFriendshipon
her.Thisisimportant,asyouofferingwithouthersuggestion
willpushheraway.
Itcouldbeassimpleassaying,Imreallygladwecanstay
friends.Shewilllikelyagreetothis,buthereisthetrickypart.
Leaveitatthat.Thisconversationshouldnotgoanyfurther.
WhenestablishingtheFalseFriendshipduringtheFalse
Friendship,youwanttoplanttheideaandwalkaway.Likeseeds,
ittakestimetogrowanddevelopintosomethingvaluable.Ifshe
startstocallfrequently,besuretokeepthingslightandbreezy,
andusedifferenttermsofendearmentthatfocusonfriendship.
Youwillbetakingnoteofhowoftenshecontactsyouandfor
whatreasonstodetermineherleveloffriendshipandopenness.
Again,atthisstage,youarenotinstigatingabestfriendstatus,
merelyfriends.
Ifsheiscallingforspecificreasons,suchasdissolvingassets,give
herfurthertime.Simplyallowherspace,andplugbackintothis
firststageoftheFalseFriendshipandtryagain.
-
78
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
Thanksman,thatsawesome!
Noproblem,thatswhatfriendsdo!
Ithinkitsgreatwecanstillbefriends.
Youvealwaysbeenafantasticfriend.
Isntitrefreshingwecanjustbefriends?
Obviously,youwillwanttochangetheseintosomethingyouare
comfortablesayingandthatyoualreadyusearoundyourother
friends.
Ifyoucomeacrosscondescendingorsarcastic,youwillmakeher
doanemotionalU-turn.Justkeepitnatural,whenshereaches
outtoyou,rewardherbylettingherknowthatyourespect
andvalueherspace.Itwillnotbelongbeforeshefeelsmore
confident,knowingthatyouareafantastic,supportivefriend.
WhenyouareatDeathsDoor,youneedtoapplyadditional
patienceduringthistime(possiblyevenreadupontheEFLL
techniqueinChapter7).
Onlythencanyoutriggerthenexttechnique,whichIwillshow
youwhenthetimeisright.Inthemeantime,startforgingan
easygoingFalseFriendship.Youwillneedthislater!
IfSheIsReceptiveAlwaysUsePositive,Friendly
ReinforcementsSuchAs:
Tip:Youwantto
ensurethatthe
FalseFriendship
abidesby
genuine
friendshiprules
andthatyou
donotusethis
stagetogetback
ather.
-
79
CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR
DeathsDoorisatimethatfeelsimpossibletoreverse,butis
simplyasymptomofasevereRelationshipBreakdown.
ItispossibletomoveawayfromDeathsDoor,nomatter
howdirethesituation,solongasyouunderstandthathow
youapproachthisphaseiscritical.
Youcannotchangehowshefeelsaboutyouwithoutfirst
initiatingaFalseFriendship.
ThisisnotaFriendZone,butanopportunitytoopenthe
linesofcommunication.
TheFalseFriendshipisonlyeffectivewhenyouusethis
techniquewithouttakingromanticstepstogettingherback.
MovingintotheFalseFriendshipwithanagendawillplace
youinDeathsDoorforanextendedperiod,ifnotforever,
becauseshelosesalltrustandrespectforyou.
Keynotes
79
-
80
The Magic Letter5
-
81
THE MAGIC LETTER
You are likely to evoke unexpected and turbulent emotions with the Magic Letter, but you will be learning how to leverage her frustrations and turn them into fantastic Bliss by utilizing this techniques with the other techniques in this book. Only use this technique if you have correctly determined she is Indifferent or on the verge of total emotional detachment from you and the relationship (and that you are prepared to reward her emotional journey with Bliss).
If she is currently going through an emotionally turbulent stage, then move onto establishing a positively charged False Friendship instead. This will give you a better advantage to achieve the best results, because she is not yet at the Indifferent stage, which is where she needs to be for the Magic Letter to work its magic.
WARNING
-
82
THE MAGIC LETTER
What is the Magic Letter?
TheMagicLetter,asyoumaysuspect,isanactualletteryou
willbesendingtoher.Thecontentofthisletterwillneedtobe
customizedtoyourexactsituation,butifdonecorrectlyitwill
becomeapowerfultoolinyourmissionofloveandsomething
thatshewillbeunabletoignore..