Religion…Religion…

Religion is Full of Religion is Full of Hassles…Hassles…

The Church Of SmockThe Church Of Smock

Putting an end to the Hassles of Putting an end to the Hassles of Ordinary Religion.Ordinary Religion.

The History of The ChurchThe History of The Church

The Church of Smock dates back to The Church of Smock dates back to October 19October 19thth, 2004. Which is , 2004. Which is when I officially became an when I officially became an

ordained Minister.ordained Minister.

WTF???WTF???

How the #!@%$ did you become an How the #!@%$ did you become an ordained Minister???ordained Minister???

Simple.Simple.

Thanks to the Internet, you can do just about anything instantly, including becoming an ordained minister with absolutely no schooling or commitment required. I’m sure Neil Postman would be proud.

Promote the freedom of religion and do that Promote the freedom of religion and do that which is right. It is up to the individual (me) which is right. It is up to the individual (me) to determine what is right as long as it does to determine what is right as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others and is not infringe on the rights of others and is within the law.within the law.

The Principles of the The Principles of the Universal Life ChurchUniversal Life Church

Yep, that’s right. Yep, that’s right. I can do whatever I want.I can do whatever I want.

The Church Of SmockThe Church Of Smock

You’ve seen this slide Before.You’ve seen this slide Before.

The Sacred Book of The Sacred Book of SmockSmock

• First Edition written Circa October 20, First Edition written Circa October 20, 2004.2004.

• Other Editions and revisions Other Editions and revisions expected to be made.expected to be made.

• New editions and revisions may New editions and revisions may possibly lead to the utter downfall of possibly lead to the utter downfall of society. society.

Sacred book of Smock Sacred book of Smock outlines:outlines:• The basic beliefs of SmockismThe basic beliefs of Smockism

• Basic Rules and Guidelines to live byBasic Rules and Guidelines to live by

• The different Holidays to be followed, The different Holidays to be followed, and what to do to add a holiday.and what to do to add a holiday.

• What can get you excommunicated.What can get you excommunicated.

• How to go about the Human SacrificesHow to go about the Human Sacrifices

Okay, that last one was a joke…

The Big StuffThe Big Stuff

• The Main belief of Smockism is that The Main belief of Smockism is that people should be cool to each other. people should be cool to each other.

• The secondary belief is that people The secondary belief is that people should have fun. should have fun.

• Smockism also believes in not Smockism also believes in not believing in anything very strongly. believing in anything very strongly.

What was that part about not believing What was that part about not believing

in anything Strongly again?in anything Strongly again?

There’s so many different options out there as far as gods and things go that to believe in one too strongly is ridiculous. Especially since there is no way to prove one more right than the other.

Just that.

For Example…For Example…

Any one of these dudes could be the real god

and that’s just assuming that there’s only one god.

But it doesn’t end there…people need to have a But it doesn’t end there…people need to have a savior too.savior too.

It could be any one of these guys…

It could come to this…

And with Smockism it does…

On any given day you can believe in something different as long as you don’t really believe in it.

The Four CommandmentsThe Four Commandments

• Thou Shalt Not KillThou Shalt Not Kill

• Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery

• Thou Shalt Not Steal unreasonablyThou Shalt Not Steal unreasonably

• Thou Shalt Not be a jerk*Thou Shalt Not be a jerk*

*Jerk used in place of a less appropriate word

AfterlifeAfterlife

• When you die you either go to heaven or hell, When you die you either go to heaven or hell, reincarnate, or rot in the ground. reincarnate, or rot in the ground.

• Smockists do not believe in the existence of Smockists do not believe in the existence of zombies, however, the possibilities of zombies, however, the possibilities of becoming a ghost or being stuck in limbo are becoming a ghost or being stuck in limbo are considered.considered.

• Whatever happens, it’s good to be prepared. Whatever happens, it’s good to be prepared. Luckily, in Smockism, the only way you can go Luckily, in Smockism, the only way you can go to hell is by breaking one of the 4 to hell is by breaking one of the 4 commandments. commandments.

Other rules to live ByOther rules to live By

• All consensual sex legal by state law is permitted. All consensual sex legal by state law is permitted. However, we prefer that you don’t tell us any However, we prefer that you don’t tell us any details. Seriously, I don’t want to hear it.details. Seriously, I don’t want to hear it.

• Anything that is edible is permitted to be eaten Anything that is edible is permitted to be eaten by the church with the exception of humans. by the church with the exception of humans. However, vegetarianism is not allowed. It is your However, vegetarianism is not allowed. It is your religious duty to eat meat at least twice a week in religious duty to eat meat at least twice a week in order to prove that you’re still human. order to prove that you’re still human.

• You don’t have to keep the Sabbath day holy. You don’t have to keep the Sabbath day holy. Mainly because we don’t have a Sabbath day. Mainly because we don’t have a Sabbath day.

HolidaysHolidays

Candle WeekCandle Week

• Takes place during Takes place during HanukahHanukah

• More gift-giving More gift-giving oriented.oriented.

• 88thth day removed day removed

• Dreidel replaced Dreidel replaced with Poker. with Poker.

ChristmasChristmas

• Normal ChristmasNormal Christmas

• We’re pretty sure We’re pretty sure Santa isn’t real, but Santa isn’t real, but not entirely.not entirely.

• Celebrate the birth Celebrate the birth of Jesus and of Jesus and anyone else born anyone else born on that day.on that day.

Other HolidaysOther Holidays

• St. Patrick’s Day is a go!St. Patrick’s Day is a go!

• Easter is celebrated. Gift-giving encouraged.Easter is celebrated. Gift-giving encouraged.

• Halloween is celebrated and adult members Halloween is celebrated and adult members are encouraged to give full sized candy bars are encouraged to give full sized candy bars to add to the merriment of the holiday.to add to the merriment of the holiday.

• Any other suggestions for Holidays can be Any other suggestions for Holidays can be brought up at service and if the motion is brought up at service and if the motion is passed a new religious holiday will be born.passed a new religious holiday will be born.

What Can the Church do What Can the Church do for you?for you?

Whatever you want it to.*Whatever you want it to.*

*Exorcisms not performed.

MarriagesMarriages

• Rev. Smock will Rev. Smock will marry anyone that marry anyone that is legally allowed is legally allowed to marry. No to marry. No questions asked, questions asked, no memberships no memberships required. Only required. Only thing needed is thing needed is money. money.

FuneralsFunerals

• In the Church of Smock, In the Church of Smock, Funerals are the same as Funerals are the same as parties, but with a dead guy parties, but with a dead guy there. Members are expected there. Members are expected to have refreshments and to have refreshments and some kind of entertainment some kind of entertainment prepared for when they die. prepared for when they die. Arnold is always invited.Arnold is always invited.

Last RitesLast Rites

• These are more or less These are more or less unnecessary to the unnecessary to the religion. If you were religion. If you were good and there is a good and there is a heaven, you’ll go there. heaven, you’ll go there. I don’t really need to I don’t really need to be involved. However, be involved. However, if you want, I’ll come if you want, I’ll come and let you know if you and let you know if you were a good person or were a good person or not. I’ll also reassure not. I’ll also reassure you that everything I you that everything I taught was completely taught was completely correct.correct.

ConfessionConfession

• If any body wants me If any body wants me to listen to them while to listen to them while they confess their sins, they confess their sins, I don’t mind. And I’ll I don’t mind. And I’ll have to keep it secret. have to keep it secret. Then I’ll give you some Then I’ll give you some sort of advice that will sort of advice that will put everything in put everything in perspective for you perspective for you and you will be and you will be cleansed. If your sins cleansed. If your sins are really stupid, I may are really stupid, I may laugh at you through laugh at you through the screen. Beware.the screen. Beware.

ExorcismsExorcisms

• I stay away from I stay away from demons. Period.demons. Period.

Sorry, call someone else.Sorry, call someone else.

Seriously, those things can kill you.

ExcommunicationExcommunication

• I will excommunicate anybody whenever I I will excommunicate anybody whenever I feel like it. Usually because you are a jerk. feel like it. Usually because you are a jerk.

• If you kill or commit any other sort of If you kill or commit any other sort of extremely violent crime, you’re out extremely violent crime, you’re out automatically. automatically.

• Otherwise, it’s pretty hard to get kicked Otherwise, it’s pretty hard to get kicked out of the Church. Once you join you are out of the Church. Once you join you are Smockist for life or until you find Smockist for life or until you find something better.something better.

The End.The End.

You can boo now.